High Femme: Elevate Your Smoking Situation, With Accessories!

Calling all Homoganjas! Let’s talk about anything and everything Marijuana related, from legalization to pop culture to how to make your own bong using a box of Diva cups and a broken lamp. Puff, Puff, Pass.

Header by Rory Midhani

High Femme_Rory Midhani_640px

Do you know what’s always a good time? Going to a lesbian bar and playing Count the Fedoras. Or counting the number of leather wrist cuffs. Or the bandanas. For a while in LA, it was count the single extra-long earring with a feather attached. There’s a stereotype that lesbians love accessories, and I am calling shenanigans. EVERYONE loves accessories.

heathers

Which brings us to marijuana accessories: the tools of the trade that every seasoned smoker ought to have in their arsenal. I’m not talking about smoking devices: rolling papers, pipes, bongs and the like. I want to focus on those extras that make our lives that much easier. So I’m submitting, for your education and approval, the top five must-have smoking accessories! (Funyuns not included).

1. EZ Splitz Cigar Cutter:

ezsplitz

Homoganjas, I have a secret shame. I am terrible at rolling joints and blunts. Like, really terrible. I can’t tell you how much herb I’ve wasted or dropped on the floor due to the poor quality of my rolling skills. The same lack of skill occurs whenever I try to wrap presents or fold origami. Basically, paper + my hands = disaster. EZ Splitz is an amazing tool because it splits cigarillos and cigars perfectly without ruining the shape. This allows you to crack open the cigar shell and repack that thing with any herb you desire. This simple little device is a game changer if you are rolling-challenged like me. It is also great for non-pot smokers who like to roll their own cigarettes/cigars.

2. A Good Grinder:

apple grinder

An herb grinder is an essential tool for every kind of smoker. Since marijuana grows in sticky little clusters aka “buds”, you need a device to shred and grind up your green. This creates a more even burn of your herb and an easier time with rolling and/or packing a bowl. Grinders come in all shapes/sizes/materials, but I recommend a grinder with a mesh screen to catch all the flakes. Grinders also range in price, from your simple plastic models to the high tech super grinders that will eventually develop artificial intelligence and enslave the human race. You do you, is what I’m saying here.

3. Pipe Screens:

There are like colanders for your weed! (via marijuana.pl)

There are like colanders for your weed! (via marijuana.pl)

Pipe screens are game changers. They save your weed from falling into the pipe, which means you are smoking it instead of wasting it. This saves you money and makes you feel like a fiscally responsible adult, at least with regards to your smoking (note: this is a rare feeling – savor it). Screens also save you from inhaling any ash or the herb itself. If you haven’t inhaled a chunk of weed/ash, consider yourself lucky. It tastes terrible, and it will most definitely get in your teeth, and then no one will want to make out with you. Or so I hear. Not to mention, it clogs up your pipe and that shit can be hard to clean. Also, you can get like, 100 for three bucks, so what are you waiting for?

4. BIC Mini Lighters:

Flick my BIC? You’re gonna have to buy me dinner first.

Flick my BIC? You’re gonna have to buy me dinner first.

There are a million different kinds and styles of lighters out there, and everyone has their preferences. I mean, I could probably do an entire column on lighters alone, but that would be pretty boring. The BIC mini is awesome because its smaller size makes it easier to spark pipes without burning yourself. It is also great for smokers with teeny tiny doll hands, like me, who hate fumbling with regular sized lighters.

dooneese

Sidebar, I miss Kristen Wiig on SNL so much, you guys.

5. A Motherfucking Ashtray:

ashtray

This seems mind bogglingly simple. We are adultish people. We don’t need to ash in empty cans or beer bottles. We don’t need to ash in those IKEA bowls our mothers bought us when we moved into our first apartment. And we don’t need to ash all over the sidewalk/driveway/state park/endangered tortoise that looks like an ashtray but is NOT an ashtray. And now, with pocket ashtrays available, there is no excuse to scatter your ashes to the four winds. Keep it clean, jelly bean.

What are your favorite pot accessories, homoganjas? Share in the comments!

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Chelsea

Chelsea Steiner was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, where she works as a screenwriter/blogger/sex educator. She's the writer/director of Thank You Come Again, a queer sex positive web series based on her experiences working the Pleasure Chest, which you can follow on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. She’s obsessed with dachshunds, Buffy, 90's dance parties, and roller derby. She loves the word "Jewess" and wishes more people used it to describe her. Follow her ramblings on Twitter and her cute puppy pics on Instagram.

Chelsea has written 46 articles for us.

57 Comments

  1. I can’t agree with the standard bic lighter any more seeing as there are better options. My favorite, personally, is a refillable electric lighter. They will save me money almost after the first use, that and flint lighters give off flint dust, which is terrible for your health.

  5. Please don’t relate cannabis and tobacco to queer identity. They have nothing in common.

    It is really unfortunate to see this romanticizing of cannabis use on Autostraddle. No words of the harmful consequences whatsoever.

    Here in the Netherlands cannabis is legal, yes, but in the US twice the percentage of people use it. Nobody here is romanticizing it, that would be foolish as smoking not only deteriorates your brain, smoking one joint equals 14 cigarettes on your lungs.

    For the queers with anxiety, there are other healthier ways to cope, you deserve better than this trashy stuff.

    • LOL, what are you even talking about? Where did you get your information? Because it definitely wasn’t from a reputable medical source. Even a simple Google Search will turn up results from Medical Associations and the World Health Organization that says smoking pot doesn’t damage your brain at all, and it’s NOT bad for your lungs — cigarettes are, maybe you’re mixing the two up?

      Stop spouting Puritan/Ridiculously Outdated Propaganda about something that doesn’t hurt anyone. If you choose to believe that, do you also believe that gays have caused HIV? That’s the exact kind of ignorance you’re spouting off here. If you want to take up a cause, go after binge drinking, or especially drinking while driving, there’s enough of a death toll and scientific facts to back THAT one up as harmful.

      Until then, do some more research. In the immortal words of Stephen Fry, you look rather foolish. Perhaps you should stop talking now.

      • Any sort of burned material being inhaled isn’t great for you. Health benefits of pot might outweigh that, and that’s great! Every person has the right to make informed decisions on their health and I totally support folks’ choices.

        I just want to emphasize that smoking anything is bad for your lungs, as any harm reduction worker will tell you. If I rolled a joint full of organic red quinoa that had been grown in a field irrigated with spring water and tilled by unicorns, smoking it would still be bad for me. Eating it in a delicious desert or vaporizing it to draw out the magical fairy properties without burning the quinoa itself is vastly better for you.

        • I’d like to see your scientific data that says smoking marijuana casually is bad for your lungs. I’ve linked two articles, both with findings from leading medical institutes and long, conclusive studies below in the comments that state it isn’t — so I’m curious as to where you’re getting your information, or if it’s just based on conjecture?

    • I don’t think I have seen a study that has conclusively said it causes lung problems. Is it bad for your lungs? Not enough info to say as many smokers have also done tobacco so we don’t have clear data. Plus they are finding out it can help with curing cancer.

      As for the US there is more people so of course more people are going to use it, plus it’s mostly not legal so it has a bit of this romanticsing of it.

    • I think you’re misinformed on the actual effects of cannabis on the human body. While inhaling smoke of any kind is dubious at best, consuming cannabis has not been proven to be dangerous in the way that we’ve been brainwashed for decades.

      The idea of one joint being the equivalent of 14 cigarettes is grossly misleading. Smoking plant matter isn’t great for you, but marijuana smoke does not have the toxic carcinogens (like tar) specific to tobacco. Furthermore, frequent tobacco users smoke several cigarettes or even multiple packs a day, while typical cannabis users smoke much less, if they choose to smoke at all. I prefer a vaporizer, personally, and it eliminates a lot of the concern over inhaling smoke. But a person smoking even a joint a day won’t reach the “danger level” of a chain smoker.

      You’re entitled to your opinions on whether or not Autostraddle should have features on cannabis, but I don’t endorse the spreading of misinformation. I love to talk about this stuff, so you (or anyone, for that matter) are welcome to message me if you’d like links to specific studies/resources. :-)

    • 1) tobacco and cannabis are VERY different drugs. this post is about one of them.

      2) do you have a source on the “1 joint = 14 cigarettes” statistic? i have heard variants on this one repeated often, but never seen any research to back it up.
      2b) i have also yet to hear of any evidence of cannabis causing illness – many weed smokers do also smoke tobacco, which as far as i am aware, accounts for any ailments that have been attributed to smoking weed by itself. also, someone above mentioned vaporizers – you do not need to smoke to get high. there’s also edibles, candies, topical oils, etc.
      2c) “deteriorates your brain” – with heavy, heavy usage over extended periods of time, yes – but moderation is more than possible, and again, i have yet to see solid research that indicates a definitive link between smoking weed and any loss in cognitive function.

      3) it makes me feel really gross and sad to have someone here tell me that my coping mechanisms/entertainment/life choices are “trashy” and “unhealthy”. plenty of people smoke for reasons unrelated to anxiety (including nausea, insomnia, severe pain… the list goes on & on.) those of us who do smoke for anxiety-related reasons? many of us have found that it IS the healthiest coping mechanism we have, or one of a set. bodily autonomy is really, really important. there is a definite overlap here with queer (& specifically queer female) culture – one of the things we have been denied by society is our right to choose what we do with our bodies – how we find pleasure, how we take care of ourselves, how we connect with each other. weed is by no means a huge component of queer culture, but again, it overlaps, and i like that there’s a space for us inside the overlap to talk about a thing we love that we can’t necessarily talk about elsewhere.

      i think most of us here who smoke have had the experience of being the only girl, or the only queer person, in the circle. marijuana culture can be really male-dominated and cishet sometimes, and it makes me happy to know there’s somewhere i can talk to other people about the thing i like to nerd out over, and know that i don’t have to shut up about my life to do so.

      finally, i have no idea about the netherlands, but in the US it is really classist and racist to refer to weed as “trashy”.

      • Maybe it’s the group of friends I was with, but I knew a lot of women(straight and cis) who smoked and I know many males who are welcoming of women to smoking. It can be a great way to know someone, and break the ice.

        • oh yeah, don’t get me wrong – i know there are plenty of lady or lady-friendly smokers out there, and the people i hang out with now tend to be a much more heterogeneous group, but there are a lot of negative stereotypes out there about female smokers that tend to correlate with general stereotypes about women (can’t hold their shit, get really annoying when high, expect weed from guys in the same way that women supposedly expect money/gifts/free drinks, etc.) i have some pretty vivid memories from high school of being high off my ass in a group of dudes, and feeling the subtle pressure to be Not Like the Other Girls who showed up once in awhile, you know?

          also, i saw you asking about vapes above – my wife swears by the magic flight launch box. the whispr we got before the mflb broke within days. we also have a generic box-style vape (about the size of a gamecube?) with a whip, and i find it incredibly irritating to set up & deal with, plus of course it isn’t portable.

        • Yeah that’s kind of true some guys think they have to smoke women out, and yeah I’ve been told that is the proper etiquette(even seen lesbians say and do the same thing).

          As for the Vape I am just curious to see what others own, as I personally have 3 different models and active on a forum. As for box vape, I think you may like something like take a look at the Solo, or one of those heating gun vapes.

      • Vaporisers are also harmful.

        A fresh 40 year cohort study. Lifetime use of more than 50 times increased risk of lung cancer more than twofold after statistical correction for tobacco use, alcohol use, respiratory conditions, and socioeconomic status. n=49,321.:

        Marijuana use and risk of lung cancer: a 40-year cohort study. Callaghan RC, Allebeck P, Sidorchuk A. Cancer Causes Control. 2013 Oct;24(10):1811-20. doi: 10.1007/s10552-013-0259-0.

        This idea that cannabis has no harmful effects is spread by cannabis users themselves.. and maybe some inconclusive suggestive studies, not by hard science.

        If you cannot “see” or find these studies, maybe you should look in the right places?

        Marihuana culture is male dominated? “Culture”? No culture involved, weed is for the high. If you’re high you won’t care either way.
        And yes, weed is trashy. It smells like it anyway :D

        • i was only able to find an abstract, but this study, as far as i can tell, involved a group of men conscripted into the military in norway in 1969. they were surveyed at that time about their smoking habits (both marijuana & tobacco), and were tracked over the ensuing 40 years with regards to incidence of cancer. as best i can tell, their ensuing smoking habits over those 40 years were NOT tracked. furthermore, this is a single study involving a fairly small subgroup of individuals – men only, norwegians only (and norway even today is not known for having the most genetically diverse population…), individuals all from a certain age group (of age to be conscripted into the military during a 1-year span) – this does not offer us enough information to extrapolate as to the effects of cannabis on the human population.

          please take a look at this abstract from the american association for cancer research:

          http://www.abstractsonline.com/Plan/ViewAbstract.aspx?mID=3086&sKey=3e3df4f9-a49f-40e7-a260-ccc3c54e0125&cKey=c7c6690d-3e5e-438e-9de4-d6f67a0703fb&mKey=9b2d28e7-24a0-466f-a3c9-07c21f6e9bc9

          as well as the national cancer institute’s page on marijuana:

          http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/cam/cannabis/healthprofessional/page5

          this IS NOT as cut-and-dry as you are making it out to be. of course marijuana can have effects on one’s health – anything we ingest, inhale, or otherwise take in will affect our health – but this is not tobacco. this is not blindingly, obviously carcinogenic. this has been, for many, many people, perfectly safe. you also didn’t address your “1 joint = 14 cigarettes” statement, which is what i requested a source on.

          finally, i TOLD you politely and respectfully that calling weed “trashy” is racist and classist where i come from, and that i found it personally hurtful as well. i have no idea why you thought the appropriate response was to not only say it again but to also basically call me uncultured and apathetic, but UP YOURS.

          you have demonstrated you are not arguing in good faith and not willing to listen, so i’m peacing out on this thread to smoke a bowl and cuddle with someone.

        • I’d like to see the study where vaporizers(at least from reputable brands using medical grade equipment, and not the cheap knock offs) are harmful, seeing as they produce vapor, not smoke. Because, if vapor is bad for us then standing next to boiling water should be harmful as well as that also produces vapor.

    • Anti-marijuana propaganda such as what you’re saying is a fairly new phenomenon. It was only made a Class 1 drug in 1970, mostly because of racism, fear, and to protect corporate (drug company) profits. It has definitely been proven to help various diseases/medical conditions.
      Here’s our very own Autostraddle to refute the “pot damages lungs” argument: http://www.autostraddle.com/smoking-weed-isnt-bad-for-you-studies-show-127794/

      Every time this column publishes there is at least one commenter saying they don’t like it/pot shouldn’t be equated with queer culture/etc. But just because I’m not a tech person doesn’t mean I’m going to go to the Queer your Tech column and tell people they shouldn’t be talking about it. Let’s let everyone have their space, okay?

      • Well if we’re talking about how marijuana and racism are related, it’s also worth mentioning that marijuana trade in the US fuels the violent drug wars in Central and South America and that in Western Europe cannabis is very often grown by African victims of human trafficking.

        • Real talk. All the major drug companies also lobby to keep patents on medication that should have generics available and make a figurative (and LITERAL) killing on life-saving medication that should be affordable (slash free, because duh).

        • And most clothing is made in sweat shops. Even clothing shops that say they aren’t, they’ve found that technically that is correct, but their TEXTILES are still made in sweat shops before being shipped to be assembled by non-sweat shop workers. And Apple products are made by child labor. And tomatoes are often grown by Mexican slaves who don’t receive bathroom breaks. The problem is the industry and legal loopholes, not the products themselves. We have to fix a hell of a lot before EVERYTHING is fair-trade and cruelty-free, but somewhere along the line, you’re contributing to the slavery and murder of innocent people — sometimes just by eating a taco. It’s impossible to be 100% ethically correct unless you are living off of your own land, making your own clothing, and not doing any harm to local wildlife or native peoples.

          Taking something for health reasons seems a far better motive than buying a new flannel shirt because it’s just “super cute”.

        • @Moxie

          I love it when westerners assume that (like them) everyone could not give less of a shit about the systematic exploitation of immigrants and people in the global south and try to use this as some kind of clever gotcha. No, we don’t all think that personal enjoyment justifies inflicting horrific amounts of harm on other people, it’s not that hard to just stop buying Apple products or expensive shirts or pot.

        • @Andreea

          While those were certain examples of commonly used products, my point is that you can’t exist in a first-world society without exploiting some person in a lesser situation. Technically, the list of offending products could go on indefinitely (note that you didn’t protest the tomatoes). Even harddrives of computer are mostly manufactured by slave labor. How about the copper in the wires that provide you with electricity and internet access? Again, cruelty was involved at some point by all likelihood.

          My point is: Where do you draw the line between a luxury and necessity as far as the ethical impact? In my argument, I am discussing marijuana use in a medical need, and the fact that it doesn’t negatively impact health. Once you start involving ethics, you’re in a huge moral grey area that is simply a part of life as it is.

          And on top of that, I get my pot from California, where it’s grown by happy dudes, legally, in a medical setting, and NOT by slave labor in some South American country. So judging everyone on the same basis? That doesn’t work either. It’s the same as bashing everyone who wears clothes, even if one person might get theirs hand-made and free-trade while another is buying sweatshop crap. It just isn’t a logical argument as a blanket assessment rather than a case-by-case discussion.

    • where are the fliers about the harmful consequences of breathing our goddamn polluted air? where are the fliers about the harmful consequences of drinking fluoridated/chlorinated water that often comes through lead pipes or using fluoride toothpaste? where are the fliers about the harmful consequences of eating meat or drinking milk? where are the fliers about the harmful consequences of eating processed foods? surely not at any doctor’s office or “information center” i’ve ever been to.

      what i’m saying is it’s kind of like newton’s law or yin and yang. what i’m saying is there are downsides to pretty much anything you can think of, even things that are good for us/meant to do us good. sometimes the “it’s good for me/it does something good for me” outweighs the “it’s bad for me,” ya know? people smoke weed; so the fuck what.

      “I’ll make a perfect body, said God,
      and invent ways to make it fail.”
      —Stephen Dunn

    • Like everything in this life, it has to do with the use you make of it. It has been proved that you shouldn’t smoke cannabis REGULARLY while you are growing up (that means until 16 or so), because it can affect the way your brain works. That being said,cannabis is way less dangerous for your health than tobacco or alcohol, for example. You shouldn’t abuse it, of course, but in the same way you shouldn’t eat tons of chocolate everyday or do more exercise than your body can stand.

  6. OKAY so i love this post and this series and that apple grinder is BREAKIN MY HEART. can i talk to you guys some more about grinders??

    the “flakes” referred to (that you want a mesh screen in yr grinder to catch) are called trichomes. you may have heard them called kief (there are a lot of variant spellings – now you know where chief keef got his name!) trichomes are what make your dank weed sparkly/sticky/etc. have you ever seen someone take out a light or cell phone to shine on weed they’re buying? this is, in part, to see how dense the trichomes are, because trichomes are where the plant stores it’s THC. if you do this inspection really seriously, like you are a weed scientist, girls will want to make out with you.

    what can you do with kief you save in your grinder? first, it might seem tempting, but do NOT pack an all-kief bowl – it will burn too fast/hot and you will waste a lot. you can top a bowl with it lightly, but smoke it gently – keep direct flame away, just hit it with the edge of the flame. if you don’t know how to corner a bowl instead of hitting the whole top at once, now is a good time to learn.

    the BEST thing to do with kief, though, is to make your own hash!! i am not going to go into that now, because that is a big topic, but you can and it’s amazing and super impressive to other people.

    also… last note: if you’re super lazy & need a bowl screen, you can get one from most standard faucets. just unscrew the aerator (it’s the thing on the end of the spout, it should unscrew by hand) and pop out the screen inside. your faucet will be fine without it – you might end up with a bit of sediment if you have gross water, and it might splash in the sink a bit more, but i think we can all agree on the real priorities here :)

  8. My favorite at home is the vriptech Magic Wand, it really impressed that last woman I had over. I mean really impressed.

    On the road and club I use the bud bat with a torch lighter. Meow ladies.

  9. I am also shamefully shamefully bad at rolling js, so my buddy bought me a joint roller. I’ve stopped being embarrassed about using it for 3 reasons:

    1. I save weed and therefore monies.
    2. The js are always perfect and burn perfectly and I can write notes on the papers before I slip them in.
    3. I roll much faster which means more time for smoking, snacking, kissing, and all other more important things.

    They cost like $3 and are life changingly awesome.

    • i’m terrible at rolling joints so i got one of those things and was even worse at using the rolling machine than i was at rolling joints, i couldn’t figure it out

  10. Since the column is called “High Femme” I figured that I’d mention that my favorite accessories are the brave little bobby pins I’ve sacrificed to scrape the bowl.

  11. After 8yrs of regular pot smoking I finally received the “Goldstar” of bud busters! How did I live without a grinder for that long?! If you only ever get one accessory, I highly suggest you get a grinder!

  13. The Volcano Vaporizer is one of the better investments I made when I smoked weed. It uses a lot less weed than when you smoke it and produces a much cleaner high that lasts longer.

    Can the next High Femme installation be about household items you can turn into vessels for smoking weed? I consider myself the least crafty person on this side of the Mississippi, but I can MacGyver anything into a pipe/bong. I’ve used old volleyballs, gas masks, pumpkins, lightbulbs, supersoakers, Caprisun pouches, and Sunny D squeeze bottles. In other words, all the things you loved as a child, I’ve smoked out of it.

  15. Just joined AS and am excited for these weekly cannabis discussions for us queer herb enthusiasts!

    My favorite accessory I picked up at the Cannabis Cup this year from Homegrown Clothing Co, called a “Medtainer”, which holds my chillum (another great accessory, the perfect pipe!), meds, poker, papers, AND HAS A GRINDER ON THE BOTTOM (!!!OMFG!!!). It’s the perfect accessory for the stoner on the go.

    http://hgoutfitters.com/store/products/homegrown-x-weedstagram420-medtainer-clear/

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