Hello and Happy Friday! Here’s what you maybe missed this week: Kayla listed the 30 gayest things about the iconic film 13 Going on 30 to celebrate Autostraddle’s 13th birthday! Drew recapped the latest episode of Drag Race, Kayla recapped Killing Eve, and Natalie recapped Good Trouble. Valerie watched Astrid & Lilly Save the World, where they also crush on girls, and gave us the rundown on all the vampires, werewolves, and lesbians (oh my!) on Two Sentence Horror Stories. Kayla laid out the case that Real Housewives of Miami makes a strong argument against having straight friends.

And get ready, it’s March Madness season!!! Our A+ members joined our selection committee for finalists, and starting today you can fill out your bracket RIGHT NOW before voting begins next week! This year’s theme is “Better Halves” and it’s juicy!

Notes from the TV Team: 

+ On Station 19, Maya and Carina continue to talk about donors and it really does look like Jack is going to be the finalist. I’m still very much not into this baby plot, but if anyone could turn it around it’s Shondaland (I hope). — Carmen

+ It was not a great week for the queer cheftestants on Top Chef. The show transformed Houston’s famed Asian Night Market into an elimination competition, with each chef tasked with interpreting their own version of Asian street foods. Jo pulls the knife for Filipino street food which feels serendipitous as someone who grew up “ethnically Chinese and culturally Filipino.” But, ultimately, her chicken tocino skewers turn out bland and she finishes in the middle of the pack.

Ashleigh’s dish is more disappointing. After being warned by Tom and guest judge Hung Huynh that frying her beef for her skewers might make it the meat chewy and tough, Ashleigh failed to make adjustments and their warnings come to fruition. She ends up in the bottom three but, thankfully, she survives to cook another day. — Natalie

+ Frustratingly, Promised Land made one of television pet peeves this week: including blink and you missed it intimacy between same-sex partners and long, extended love scenes between straight couples in the same episode. I don’t understand why shows do this…or how they don’t understand how this erodes whatever benefit they derive from having diverse characters. But while Carmen gets shortchanged in the bedroom, she wins in the boardroom: after sharing her convincing vision for the company, Mateo transfers ownership to her. — Natalie

+ This week on grown-ish, Phil finds Nomi’s Yale Law acceptance letter in their daughter’s diaper bag and chastises her for not telling him immediately. Nomi insists that there was nothing to tell, as she hadn’t made her decision about law school yet. He retorts that he should be a factor — after all, he’s Luna’s dad and he just signed a new lease — but Nomi stands firm: her decision will be based on what’s best for her and her daughter’s future. A few days later, Phil returns and proclaims that he’s doing what’s best for his daughter’s future as well: on the advice of his parents, he’s hired a lawyer to secure his rights as Luna’s father. — Natalie

Grey’s Anatomy 1812: “The Makings of You”

Written by Carmen

This week on Grey’s Anatomy Amelia and Kai had sex, and it was hot af.

Sorry that wasn’t a plot, let me try again.

This week on Grey’s Anatomy Kai played guitar on stage for Amelia, and it was hot af.

NOPE! Still don’t got it!

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, Amelia wore Kai’s robe while Kai came from behind and held her by the waist, and it was…

You’re getting the point here.

Amelia’s in Minneapolis with Kai while they write up the journal article on their groundbreaking Parkinson’s trial, because that plot is over so now it’s time to figure out how to incorporate or resolve the respective Minneapolis-based love interests for Amelia and for Meredith (Meredith solves this problem by spending a weekend at a cabin with Scott Speedman, but we’re focused on Amelia here). Amelia and Kai do some cute banter about what to include/not include in their write up, but honestly I was distracted by how smoking their chemistry is to follow their words.

Next Kai takes Amelia to a bar (don’t worry, Amelia orders a ginger ale) where they are playing with a band… I think? I was once again distracted by how hot they are to follow much of the plot, and then Kai picked up the guitar and started to sing and my brain straight up short-circuited. SO! There’s that!

But if you wanna talk about brains short-circuiting — after Hot Doctor Kai’s set at the club, they take Amelia home to their apartment and listen…. I stopped breathing. I don’t know what to tell you. Kai grabbed Amelia by the hips mid-make out at one point and everything else stopped mattering. I didn’t even notice that I had stopped the necessary bodily function of getting air into my lungs until at one point I whispered to the TV “wow this scene is so long” and was surprised by the sound of my own voice. It was THAT HOT.

And honestly, that would have been enough! That incredibly fucking hot sex. But then when they’re done, Kai offers Amelia a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while Amelia wears their robe, and I swear I elevated above myself and left this earthly plane.

Unfortunately, not everything can stay hot forever. In Kai and Amelia’s post-hook up bliss, as they kinda do that thing you do when you walk around your new partner’s apartment, lightly touching everything with wonder using your fingertips and ask quiet questions about their personal life, Amelia finds out that Kai doesn’t want kids. At all. Which you know — I fully expect that this should have come up by now, since Amelia is a whole mother to a baby??? And Kai knows that??? But here we are.

So Amelia leaves Kai with a kiss and hopes that Kai will think more about what having a child in their life would mean to them. Then she saunters out of that apartment in black heeled boots and into my heart. Ahem.

But seriously, I’ve loved what E.R. Fightmaster has done as Kai this season. I love having a nonbinary heartthrob on Shondaland. I love a queer Amelia Shepherd. And I am not ready to have good things taken away from me just yet — so work it out, Kai.

All American 411: “Liberation'”

Written by Natalie

Patience joined All American in its third episode: a bohemian songstress that caught Coop’s eye during choir practice. But even though she’s been a fixture on All American since its earliest days, the show rarely endeavors to tell a story about Patience that’s her story (instead of being a conduit for learning more about Coop). For a second this week, I thought that was about to change: the break Patience requested drives Coop out of town with her father. Surely without Coop around, we were going to get an actual story about Patience, right?

LOL, of course not. In fact, the show’s so disinterested in telling a story about Patience that they sent the character off to campus this week without ever telling the audience that Patience was even going to college. SIGH.

When she returns to the Baker house from campus, Patience is followed by Detective Poworski. He asks to speak to Coop about Monique Moore’s murder and Patience can’t mask her surprise that the investigation’s been re-opened. After Patience lets the detective know that Coop is out of town, he directs his interrogation at her. He explains that some new information has come to light in the case and wonders aloud how Coop got to the hospital after being shot. Patience sticks to the story Coop told but, clearly, the detective doesn’t believe a word of it. He threatens to ruin Patience’s burgeoning career by charging her as an accessory to the murder. Thankfully, Laura steps in and shuts down the conversation. She asserts herself as Patience’s legal counsel and tells the detective to make an appointment next time.

After the detective leaves, Patience frantically tries to get in touch with Coop, to no avail. Laura hands Patience some tea to calm her down and asks what happened the night Coop was shot. Patience explains it all and laments that Coop’s actions have her caught in the detective’s crosshairs. Laura vows to use her contacts in the DA’s office to find out if there’s anything substantive behind Poworski’s bluster. She urges Patience to calm down and not to worry until there’s something concrete to worry about.

By morning, though, there’s cause to worry: the police have found some incriminating evidence against Coop. Laura urges Patience to get Coop home, now.

A Million Little Things 412: “Little White Lies”

Written by Natalie

Katherine’s accident has left her son, Theo, shaken. She doesn’t recognize it at first: the only outward expression of the impact is that he now wants to be a doctor instead of an astronaut. That’s music to every mother’s ears so Katherine doesn’t even bother to question it. Her back is turned when Theo reacts to the news that she’ll be working from home but it’s clear to the audience: Theo is scared to leave his mother alone. Unbeknownst to him, though, Katherine won’t be alone: she replies to a text from Greta confirming that they’re still on for lunch.

After lunch, Katherine buries their takeout containers deep in the trash. Greta calls her on it and Katherine explain that she’s just waiting for the right time to tell Theo about them. Greta understands Katherine’s need to put her son first and Greta’s tenderness earns her a kiss and a trip to Katherine’s bedroom. But later, when Greta comes downstairs to get her girlfriend some water, she’s discovered by Theo who comes home early from school because he feels sick. Katherine happens to come down the stairs right at that second — still rebuttoning her shirt — and is taken aback by his presence. She explains Greta’s presence and then ushers her out the door but Theo, recalling that Greta was the person he spoke to on the phone, asks her to stay.

Upstairs searching for a thermometer, Katherine knocks over the vacuum and the fear that something’s happened to his mother is evident on Theo’s face. Greta recognizes it and compliments his response after his mother’s fall. He’s skeptical but Greta assures Theo that he handled the situation like a pro and, clearly, has great instincts. Katherine returns downstairs and is surprised to find Greta still there. Greta fakes as though she lost her keys so she can give Katherine the heads up about how scared Theo is.

At bedtime, Katherine confronts Theo with Greta’s suspicions and he admits that he’s been thinking a lot about what happened, particularly what would’ve happened if he hadn’t been there. She realizes that Theo only came home so she wouldn’t be alone and assures him, again, that she’ll be okay. Still, though, Theo lets his mom know that if she wants Greta around more, that’s fine with him; he likes her.

Theo asks if his mother likes Greta too and Katherine stammers out an answer, “Well, sure. She’s, um…she’s been my friend, uh, since before we were your age, and that’s a long…”

But Theo sees Katherine’s relationship for Greta for what it is — after all, she seems different and has been smiling a lot — and pushes his mother to admit that they’re more than friends. Oh, what it must be like to be pushed out of the closet by your own child. She does and asks Theo how he feels about that. He simply responds, “I’m really glad someone’s looking out for you.” Katherine agrees and the two snuggle together in Theo’s bed until he falls asleep.

Charmed 401: “Not That Girl”

Written by Valerie Anne

I think someone is missing Poppy Drayton. (Okay fine it’s me, I’m missing Poppy Drayton.)

Charmed is back and immediately introduces us to the newest third in our magical trio. Her name is Kaela and I already love her. She’s a car mechanic and an artist and she’s 5 years in cancer remission, but she’s been getting headaches and having vivid dreams lately…dreams of women she doesn’t know but we recognize as Maggie and Mel.

Speaking of Mel, she’s apparently been on a tear, hooking up with all kinds of magical women and not telling anyone what happened between her and Ruby.

Meanwhile, Maggie and Jordan are going on their own demon-fighting makeout missions and Harry is burning letters alone in the garden; all of them trying to avoid feeling the pain of loss they have been drowning in since Macy became a tree.

Without the glue that was Macy, Maggie and Mel are back to the sisterly bickering they felt before they found out they were the Charmed Ones. Maggie is even going to move out. Josefina is still there and trying to help them, nursing their hangovers and immersing herself more in the magical community.

But because the powers that be know what the sisters need more than they do, Maggie and Mel find themselves in Philadelphia together on Kaela’s doorstep bus step and quickly realize she’s their third. Between a snafu that turned Josefina into a paper doll and an attack by a negative space demon, they realize Kaela is a manifestation witch and she’s down to help them get rid of the demon and fix Josefina. Mel and Maggie invite her to stay with them so they can help her understand and learn to control her powers, and to figure out how exactly she fits into all this; it turns out she was adopted at birth but her full name is Mikaela so she does fit the M scheme. After taking some time to think about it, she leaves a note and sneaks back to Philly.

But Maggie has decided to stay in the house and work things out with Mel, which is good because there’s a Tallyman on the loose and the world is going to need the power of three before long.

Astrid & Lilly Save the World 108: “Hair”

Written by Valerie Anne

I won’t lie the wide shot of them just like tipped toward each other with only their faces touching like /\ made me laugh. So young, so sweet.

This show has previously engaged a lot of my favorite sci-fi tropes, and this week it delved into a teen drama trope and had their very own Breakfast Club episode. When they get to Saturday detention, Lilly nods off almost immediately, and is plagued with a nightmare about something very icky and when she comes to, Candace and Lilly share cute secret smiles. Astrid pulls Lilly aside to ask what her deal is, but Lilly insists it’s nothing.

The next time Lilly drifts off, her nightmare is worse, featuring a flash of what looks like the girl from the Ring but with spider eyes, and when she wakes up screaming, Candace has to pretend not to be worried. But they should be worried, because the aforementioned Spider Ring Child is here.

Lilly and Candace get sent to get the teacher soda, and Lilly wants to make out in the stacks but Candace thinks that’s a little public, saying she wants to have something that’s not subject to the scrutiny the rest of her life is. Lilly is unsure but they kiss about it anyway, not knowing Tate is watching.

As Lilly pulls back from the kiss, she sees Spider Ring Girl and gasps, and Candace adorably says “I know right” because she feels the sparks, but Lilly just rushes them back to find Astrid and look through the notebook. The demon is a nightmare traveler who got to this realm because Lilly is keeping a secret, and they have to stop it by sucking it up into a video camera before it devours them all in its hair cocoons. Normal teen stuff!

Tensions are mounting between Astrid and Lilly…but the truth is, they’re not mad at each other. They were alone together for so long and now their circle is getting bigger; change is scary and they are lashing out at their safe person. It is a VERY teen girl friendship thing and it’s nice to remember that even though they’ve been tasked with saving the world, they’re still just kids.

One by one, the teens get taken by the Spider Ring Child, Even Astrid and Lilly end up in hair cocoons because they were too busy bickering to get the demon. Having no choice, they confess to being monster hunters. Chaos ensues! Tate tells everyone Lilly and Candace are dating, Candace says they’re not, Astrid yells at him for outing them but then yells at Lilly for keeping this from her. Candace is horrified to learn they call her C-Bomb, but Lilly wants to circle back to the “not dating” thing, and when Tate says Candace is open about being fluid, Lilly realizes that Candace is embarrassed of her. It’s all a big mess!

They realize that they’re being disintegrated by hair cocoons so Lilly pulls scissors from her pocket and cuts everyone out. Astrid and Lilly work together and get the monster into the video camera while also getting some hair for the orb, saving the day again. The group disperses, tension still thick between them, but they better get their act together if they want to stop the Guardian, Candace’s mom and their army of youths.

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