You guys know who sucks? Dr. Owen Hunt sucks. Fact.
After putting his face all over Amelia’s face on last week’s Grey’s Anatomy, he goes ahead and starts this episode by shuffling awkwardly up to her in the scrub room to make inept innuendos. I don’t blame him for wanting to get in there, but come on, Amelia! You’re a superhero! Amelia’s pager goes off, giving her a better time that she’s going to get when she meets up with Owen later. She makes her getaway while Owen heads down to the pit to find that his mother, Evelyn, has been admitted after falling and whacking her noodle in the shower. She’s accompanied by a paramedic named John—a generic name for a generically handsome fellow—whose noodle she herself has been whacking for a good six months now.
Owen, because he is the worst, flies into a rage and grounds his mom immediately. “No WiFi for you,” he shrieks, flapping around the trauma room. “No allowance! Give me your phone, and go straight to your room!”
Charles. Charles DiLaurentis. You didn’t unscramble the anagrams?
When you say anagram IDK what that means?
For a second, it seems like Owen is going to redeem himself. He brings his mom some socks and underoos, but as soon as she starts trying to talk to him about Generic John, he claps his hands over his ears and starts shouting “LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”
Owen: He’s using you.
Evelyn: For what? Sex? God bless him.
Owen: I don’t understand why you won’t let me control every aspect of your life. Why will none of the women in my life let me control every aspect of their life? It’s almost like my Straight White Dude Privilege doesn’t extend to all corners of the earth!
She’s not in this episode, but please don’t forget that Arizona exists in the world and has a face like sunshine!
After Owen’s tantrum, Evelyn tells Generic John that she thinks it would be best if he left. Generic John has done nothing worthy of face punching, and I actually feel quite sad for him. Even more so when Evelyn cries out in pain and grabs her stomach. She’s got an undiagnosed aneurism in her stomach that has ruptured. Webber hustles her into surgery, and Owen goes out to the waiting room to shoo Generic John away. Generic John refuses to be moved. He just wants to make sure his girlfriend is okay, a thing Owen might take some notes on.
Webber repairs Evelyn’s aneurism because he’s a boss, and Owen finds a tiny shred of human compassion and takes John in to see Evelyn. They hold hands and are generally adorable while Owen lurks creepily just inside the door.
I’ll spare him, this week. Owen lives to see another day.
Guess who is worse that Owen Hunt? Derek Shepherd. Derek Shepherd is worse.
Meredith is a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them. She knows that Derek didn’t just hop a flight to Seattle because he missed the weather. No matter how much Derek insists that Renee, the woman who answered his phone, was just his research fellow, Meredith was Derek’s intern once, and she knows what kind of shenanigans he gets up to when his wife is on the other coast. Derek makes a big deal about how he came home to fix them, because they’re in trouble. I came home, he says like three times, like that’s somehow supposed to make up for him leaving her alone with two invisible kids to raise on her own so he could make McDreamy eyes at Olivia Wilde’s doppelganger.
I thought Mona was dead. RIP Mona.
She’s Vanderjesus, dumbass.
He whines about Meredith going to work like an actual grown up, and she tells him to spend the day with his offspring, also like a grown up. Meredith goes to the hospital, where Alex hauls her in for a consult on his patient Danny who is positively yellow with liver failure. Meredith suggests a surgical procedure for the kid, and Alex flips his nut. He thinks it’s about Meredith being upset about Derek, because of course she can’t separate her personal life from her professional life.
Alex, you aren’t on my face-punching list. Yet. Beware.
I’m sorry to tell you that Meredith’s streak has ended. Try as she might, Alex’s patient, Danny, doesn’t make it out of surgery. She’s devastated, and while no one else mentions that she didn’t lose a single patient in all the time Derek was gone, and now that he’s back, she has, I’ll go ahead and do that now. Just for anyone keeping track. Derek is a life ruiner. He ruins lives. Alex follows Meredith out into the rain to do some hugging.
Do you ever wonder what your and Cristina’s invisible babies would have looked like?
They would have grown up to be invisible presidents of the United States.
Alex is clear of the punching list for the moment. I will spare him. I will not, however, spare Derek.
We get some flashbacks of him in DC with Renee. She’s just a girl trying to cure autism. Derek tells her that’s a pretty lofty goal for a fellow. It’s a lofty goal for anyone, Derek, and awesome too, so how about you keep your mouth on your own face and let her get to it. But nope. He goes in for the smooch, then jerks away and starts talking shit about “I love my wife. I’m married.” That might have been an important thing to discuss before the kissing, you ass.
You guys don’t mind if I just put some pictures of Arizona in here, do you? Look, here she is with little braids.
Aw, and remember how Callie is like a puppy?
Derek swings a big ol’ bat of emotional manipulation at Meredith, striking her square in the face. She tells Derek that while she can live without him, she doesn’t want to. They smile. I vomit over the side of the couch.
HEY QUICK. Guess what’s worse than Derek Sheperd! It’s this lady that Jo has to deal with, who is in the pit with a headache. Except for it’s not a headache. It’s a HUGE FUCKING LEECH, WHAT THE HELL. I literally cannot talk anymore about this. She has a LEECH. IN HER FACE TUBES. A LEECH, YOU GUYS. Nope. One million percent nope.
I’m even adorable holding this leech!
I kinda want to punch your face. But I also kinda want to kiss it.
You know the only thing worse than a leech in your face? An Owen on your face.
I’m not even going to lighten this screencap. You don’t need to subject your eyeballs to this.
And so it begins again. May the circle be unbroken. By and by Lord, by and by.
OMG I so agree. Owen stars in the male lead of “I Want To Punch Your Face!” No recap has ever been ruined by the inclusion of Calzona gifs. Love the captions by the way. Last but not least, the format of your recap is refreshing. Grey’s by it’s design jumps between stories like popcorn and I can follow that visually, but when people recap as fragmented as the story is presented it is difficult to follow. Thanks for making the recap a pleasure to follow.
hey, thank you so much! I’m so glad. Sometimes recapping Grey’s means bouncing around a little, but I try to keep chunks of stories together as best I can, otherwise this thing would just be the most confusing and boring thing ever. <3!
I don’t think I hate Owen as much as everyone else seems to, I just think the show keeps pairing him with precisely the wrong women. I hated him with Cristina, and I don’t really like him with Amelia, but i don’t hate Owen himself. Okay, he was a little hateful this episode, but c’mon, would any of us react much differently if we suddenly found out our aging mother was dating a guy who was younger than us?! That’s not to say his reaction was the right on,e only that it was a human one.
You know who Grey’s should bring back? Addison. Addison and Owen would work. They both want kids, and she wouldn’t take any of his BS. Sure, I’d much rather then bring back Addison for Callie, but I can’t have everything.
And as for Meredith and Derek? Ugh. That’s all. I knew the show would never actually break them up, for reals, for good, but just, ugh. Can’t he go back to Washington so Meredith can be a badass surgeon?
Final thing: While I still miss Cristina on a weekly basis, I am LOVING Meredith’s new support group of Alex, Callie, and Maggie. Them all hanging out in the basement reminds me of the intern years, and I love it.
My problem with Owen is cumulative. He’s just so controlling and over-bearing. I mean, he married Christina when she was suffering from PTSD (and I don’t mean to suggest that people with PTSD can’t have relationships, only that she was in no place to be making decisions like that) and then screamed at her in a house full of their friends when she had an abortion. Ugh, I just hate him.
BUT if you want to talk about bringing Addison back and pairing her up with Callie, you come sit riiiiight beside me. /pats seat
I love the new attendings friendship circle too! It seems like that element of the show has been missing a little bit more recently. It’s totally giving me flashbacks to the intern days too, in the best ways possible. And I was sooo freaking happy that they brought back the basement hallway set from the beginning, which they haven’t used since the beginning of Season 8 (yes, I’ve been counting).
I wish Derek would take Owen to DC with him so they could hang out with Fitz and be THE WORST trio well away from us.
And while we are at it they can adopt Brandon Foster to be their mascot.
!!!! comment award nom, plz
Omg yes. My feelings about Owen is that the only reason he isn’t winning the race for The Worst is because he doesn’t have an entire army at his disposal and Fitz does.
As I was watching Derek & Owen stink up my screen this week I thought “oh good, a week of Grey’s where all the dudes are dicks” and then I started to clarify, “Well, except for Jackson. Oh. And Alex, he’s a pretty good person for Mer. And Webber, he’s a good dude. I guess Mr. Bailey’s not that awful now that he’s stopped misgendering his sister”.
Basically, what I’m saying is I thought all the guys on this show were Fitz level awful, but I realized that it’s just Derek & Owen who are so horrible they make all the men around them seem like dicks, even though they’re fairly decent dudes.
And you’re absolutely right, the leech lady was very sucky. I mean, I understand wanting to spend the entire day with Jo, but probably not enough to let a fucking leech crawl around inside my face.
Thank you, so much! I feel like I’m watching the show without having to watch it, only better!
If memory serves me correct, I actually stopped watching it due to Owen, specifically after one of his first monologue episodes.
Just.no.
Due to reminiscing about Addison and Christina in the comments, I now picture both of them as having eloped somewhere far away from MercydesasterWest.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AUQFaYQzMD8
Alright! Everyone just needs to calm down ok? Owen is not a dick….he acted like a dick for a tiny bit though. But he’s great, he’s the Army guy who cares about everyone. Who does the best “I’m listening and interested” face. And don’t act like you wouldn’t be freaked out at first by your mum dating a younger guy. Ok, just don’t.
Derek, though. I have never hated Derek more than when he let “Olivia Wilde lookalike” kiss him. But then, he realised how much he and Meredith are meant to be. I just hope he tells her. Then I can forgive him.
Thank you for bringing up the Olivia Wilde doppelganger! I’m so glad to know that I wasn’t the only one who was seeing that resemblance. Even though I knew it was completely unlikely, I was totally hoping when I first caught a glimpse of Renee during last week’s preview that the actress playing her just might possibly be Olivia Wilde.
And I have a couple of comments about your super awesome captions, Jenn.
I could hear Meredith and Derek’s voices perfectly in my head having that conversation about Mona Vanderjesus.
I really want to see Meredith and Cristina’s invisible babies rule the world like the invisible superheroes that they are. Alternate universe spinoff, please!