This episode was all about The Lynch, who got the best lines and continues to be the best part of this show. If she is not nominated for an Emmy I will be VERY MAD. There was also a considerable lack of Emma going on. Sadness. Anyway, this episode was all about haters! We got to see the insane rivalry between Sue and Will, the smaller but more after-school-special face-off between Rachel and Quinn, and the realization that Will is marginalizing most of the Glee squad to focus on Rachel and Finn. We open on an awesome slow-motion argument between the Lynch and Mr. Shue, but first let’s jump back in time and see what’s going on!

Our dynamic duo is all smiles and jokes with Principal Figgins who lays down the law about their new partnership, but they don’t crack until he asks them to hug it out. Uhh, let’s just say, it’s awkward.

I don’t remember what happens next, but I wrote in my notes, “Wow, a Xica da Silva joke! Wow that really brings me back to Honors Seminar in college.” So there’s that.

Will takes Quinn and Finn to get an ultrasound and the menfolk have a heart-to-heart. Finn’s biological clock is ticking or something and he’s bummed that Quinn is giving the baby up for adoption. Key moment in this scene: Quinn is having a girl, and if you remember correctly, Terri told Will they were having a boy. Dun dun DUNNNN.

That creepy horny nerd boy appears to be this school’s version of Gossip Girl. [Riese sidenote: this is straight out of Sixteen Candles] Actually, I hope he’s Gossip Girl‘s actual Gossip Girl, wouldn’t that be incredible? Blair would have a field day with him. He blackmails Rachel by making her give him… her underwear? Sick. And I refuse to say “panties,” as that is a word I do not acknowledge.

The Lynch gets a trick double-headed coin so that she wins all the coin flips. She’s like a magician! She wants to divide up the kids, Will doesn’t want to. Naturally, she wins. She forms “Sue’s Kids,” taking all of the minority students (Santana Lopez, “Wheels,” “Gay Kid,” “Asian,” “Other Asian,” “Aretha,” and “Shaft”) and letting them do their number, “Hate on Me,” which they NAIL on the first try without any rehearsal. That’s really something.

“I don’t trust a man with curly hair. I can’t help but picture little birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and it disgusts me.” – Sue

Sue calls Will a paranoid schizophrenic and spills a student’s soda. She tells him that now that she’s involved in Glee she’s determined to make them succeed, even if it means getting Will fired. He talks to Terri, who tells him to get CRAZY so he flunks all the Cheerios. Apparently the school has been letting half-wit cheerleaders get by with fake grades for years. SCANDAL! They have a totally insane meeting with Principal Figgins and Sue loses her shit. Movie trailer music plays and Sue goes on a RAMPAGE and it is AWESOME.

Finn interrupts a Spanish test to tell Quinn that he wants to name the baby they’re not keeping “Drizzle.” I can’t imagine a better name besides Portard the Gaymo.

Finn’s adorable in this scene and Quinn’s super mean to him, with good reason but it’s still sad. After class he tells her that he wishes she were more like Rachel. Ouch. That is a sore spot for her, Finn, come on.

Then the Glee kids are all rapping in unison, to “Ride Wit’ Me” which is just horribly embarrassing. But they’re singing live which is nice for a change. Then they all get sad about not seeing each other anymore. This scene is really weird, is this the last-day-of-classes-before-summer-vacation episode of Saved By the Bell or something? JK, you know they all actually worked at Malibu Sands with that lesbian. Anyway Will shows up with his number for sectionals for the “white kids.” Then Finn and Rachel perform the best song of all time, “No Air.” Suddenly they’re in a music video sorta? Quinn is giving Rachel angry looks while she dances with Finn. Everyone is so angry this episode!! Beer o’clock, brb. This recap was brought to you by Red Stripe and Darrell Lea’s raspberry licorice.

Man, do these songs tell a story or what!? Puck turns out to be Jewish and the blonde mannish chick is Dutch, did you know that? Shalom, Puck! Quinn, under the guidance of Sue, tries to make them believe that Will is a racist and once she succeeds the Glee club is down to like, three kids. Divide and conquer!

“Sue Sylvester’s rainbow tent will gladly protect you from his storm of racism.” – Sue

Will gets home, all empowered, and tells Terri that he made an appointment for the both of them with her OB/GYN. SHRIEEEK!

Wait, why is Reese Witherspoon in a perfume commercial?! OMG she made a perfume!? This is like something Jenna would do on 30 Rock, when will they get that plotline going?

Will: “I can’t win with three kids!”
Sue: “Not with an attitude like that you can’t.”

That’s totally a shootout to my friend Ryan who always says that.

Terri and her sister go to the OB/GYN and they blackmail him into helping her lie to Will. I really can’t wait to see what happens when Will finds out about all of these shenanigans. I mean, he has to divorce her, right?

Quinn and Rachel have a hallway confrontation. Rachel agrees to back off of Finn but tells Quinn she knows that she’s Sue’s mole. Quinn turns and… musical number! “Keep me Hangin’ On” … I used to love the 80s version of this when I was a kid. It’s a full on musical performance with the Cheerio ladies wearing football uniforms, which: hotttt. Then this text conversation occurred, simultaneously:

Robin: Girls in football uniforms.
Carly: Girls in football uniforms!

Is anyone else wondering why all of their uniforms have the same number? Quinn is really sad. I hope she sings about it later (spoiler alert: everyone does!)

Sue interrupts Will’s kids (all 3 of them) to try and take her kids out for ice cream, until Will flips out on her, so they have a totally insane — and true! — argument in front of all the kids, which takes us full circle to the beginning of the episode. Finn breaks them up and under Rachel’s guidance, they all storm out. The only thing these two have succeeded in doing is getting the kids to all be friends, though everything is completely in shambles. Also, not that I’m complaining, but this happens every single episode: everyone gets mad, at least one person storms out, and Will apologizes in the end after learning how not to be an idiot.

Doctor’s office! The doctor begrudgingly plays along with Terri’s plan to fool Will, even telling her that he misread the sonogram and that they’re actually having a girl. Will cries like a baby and I get sad, because shit’s ’bout to get weird for him!

Uh, actually, can we pause for a second?

Will is totally a moron, right? How on earth is this working on him?

I know he’s distracted cause of work and is “the nice guy,” but actually he might just be a complete idiot. We should accept this as a possibility. Even the idiots on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (and I use “idiots” lovingly, as it is one of my favorite shows) would be able to see right through Terri.

Will goes to see Sue and she says she’s stepping down as co-head of Glee because it’s “too fruity.” Ha! She wants to contribute by checking out his playlists, etc, and says that she was a VJ in the 80s. WHY NO FLASHBACK!? COME ON! Will doesn’t know if he can trust Sue but she gives him a speech about being a winner, and we transition to the kids. Sue blurts out that Quinn is preggers and leaves, clearly hurt about being the last to know. How did that happen!? Apparently Sue did a locker check on Gossip Girl and found Rachel’s undies so he fessed up.

Sue was devastated that her star cheerleader hid this from her so she made him run the story on his stupid blog. God I’m so glad I’m not in high school now, what with the twitters and the tumblrs and the facebooks and iPhones and everything. I was absolutely not equipped to handle this during high school… and probably most of college. I could barely handle having a Livejournal.

Quinn is crying, Finn is nearly crying, everyone sings “Keep Holding On,” by Avril Lavigne. Lots of singing this week, which is fine by me! Quinn is crying which is not very conducive to singing and dancing but she gets a free pass since she is very pregnant and sad. How uplifting! By the song’s end they’re all crying, and then it’s over.

In honor of the best part of Glee, I leave you with this:

Next week on Glee: The cool kids aren’t cool anymore and Emma might be getting married sooner that we thought!

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!