Hello, welcome to the sixth recap of the sixth season of Glee, a show that nobody is watching anymore except us! No but seriously, why’d they move this show to Friday night, how many teenagers watch television on Friday nights. Even I didn’t watch the show on Friday night, because my girlfriend wanted to watch SVU on Netflix instead, so then I had to wait forever ’til it went up on Hulu and I had plans all weekend and now here we are, today, sitting in front of our screens in our pants and our socks, ready to talk about this gay-ass show.
We open in the hallowed hallways of McKinley High School, where Samuel and Rachel have converged, like two stars in the raging night, to discuss their date that very evening at Soup Salad and BREADSTIX, a hot night-club-slash-family-style-restaurant.
Hey do you have a tampon I could borrow
Unfortunately, even the smoky residue radiating from their burning hot loins cannot overcome the melodic beating of their scarred “teenage” hearts — in fact, they fear they will never Fall in Love Again. NEVER AGAIN! Let’s sing about it:
http://youtu.be/PKwAIwU4uFc
Over at Pierce’s Party Palace, Brittany’s parents — played by my BFF Jennifer Coolidge (I met her once, she held me in her bosom) and Ken Jeong — pop in to inform Brittany that Pierce Pierce is not her real father. I hope it’s Darth Vadar!
And this is how you eat pussy
Nope, it’s Stephen Hawking, which explains Brittany’s mathematical genius. Turns out that J-Cool and S-Hawk knocked boots during The Pierces’ Honeymoon and nine months later, Brittany fell out of j-Cool’s vagina in a barn in Indiana!
SCISSORING IS REAL???
Then, Brittany tells the parents that she’s getting married to Santana and they’re delighted. Just pure delight, free of politics, entirely in their own vacuum of fat cats and pink flowers: she’s getting married! Loving love for love’s own sake.
Brittney Griner was on “Say Yes To the Dress!”
Back in the hallowed halls of McKinley High School For Tiny Creepy Dolls, Rachel and Sam are wearing shoes and are nervous running into each other. No really, that’s what I have in my notes: “Rachel and Sam are wearing shoes, are nervous running into each other.”
Melchoir Gabor?
Wendla Berghman?! Like a tree-nymph fallen from branches!!
Unfortunately, the gaping holes in their hearts where their exes once hung out singing soft rock ballads are too enormous to conquer, so they awkwardly cancel that evening’s date, then accidentally say “I love you” to each other. Oops.
We then ice skate on over to the Meeting Of the Club Of Glee, where Kurt and Rachel inform the little birds that it’s Burt Bachrach Week. They’re honoring Mr. Schuster’s memory by convincing teenagers who are too young to remember when AOL cost $2.95 an hour to flip out about over the collected works of somebody Colonel Sanders’s age. But they probably don’t even know who Colonel Sanders is! No really Burt Bachrach is a genius.
DENTAL DAMS FOR EVERYBODY!
I wish I had a line
In honor of this triumphant week of song, Mercedes shows up to mentor. She’s famous now, but it’s cool, we can still be friends.
Deliver me from this hellscape, dear lord in heaven
The thing is, reader, that these little bits of Rachel and Sam feel like a final-season afterthought, a “well, why not?” plot to get Rachel back in the saddle without dishonoring Finn’s memory. I get it, and in a way, I think they have to do it, and it’s kinda sweet. It’s also sweet that Mercedes has returned, secure in her fame, in romance (and in being the club’s most successful alum), and that now Mercedes and Rachel can be friends and even cheerleaders for each other. But as much as I wanna get into this, I’m just so pleased as punch that the gay couple and the lesbian couple are center-stage this season that I JUST WANNA TALK ABOUT THEM FOREVER AND NOT ANY OF THE OTHER PARTS!
Anyhow… Mercedes tells Rachel that she should go for Sam’s salami and also that she should go to New York, New York to chase her dreams and hopefully also show up for an audition Mercedes booked for Russel Simmons’ new musical.
Honestly, it seemed more complicated at first, but ultimately sleeping with women really liberated me and made me so much more confident about my body and my desires.
That’s EXACTLY what Quinn told me.
Mercedes: “You wanna know what the best thing is about having our gift? It’s always there, like a good friend. When you open your mouth, there it is.”
That’s how I feel about string cheese!
We then put on our pantyhose and our sensible heels and shuffle over to The April Rhodes Memorial Pavilion for a rousing musical number Mercedes has put together to raise Rachel’s spirits. Santana, Brittany, Mercedes and Rachel wear tight bedazzled dresses and the bigger their hair, the closer they are to the lord. There’s something so sexy about Brittany and Santana performing together, every time. Like I can’t stop thinking “those two girls have actual sex!” It’s cotton candy and pink stars all over.
Row Row Row Your Boat
I just wanna give myself a pat on the back for the excellent notes I took on this episode. For example, for this scene, I have helpfully noted: “auditorium bee-bop sha la la.”
Even after this uplifting musical experience, Rachel remains wary of returning to the Big Apple, where she could get hurt again. This is valid. (See 1-3 on this list.)
Look I understand everything you’re telling me, but I’m just so scared! I mean, she’s already been with #1 Lesbian Santana, what if I can’t compare?
It’s okay honey, we all go through this. I’ll send you some links.
Hey, I wonder what’s happening over at the Palace of Pierce? Well, I’ll tell you: Brittany has invited Artie over to her room to discuss wedding plans!
Brittany: Welcome to my bedroom!
Artie: I’ve been in here before. We dated for, like, three months.
Brittany: I think I would have remembered if I had dated a guy with glasses, okay?
Is remembering losing his virginity on that bed
Brittany’s knocked her brain against her skull and come up with a list of things that remind her of Santana and she imagines one of them could be a theme for the wedding she just told Artie he’d be planning for free. Unfortunately, none of them are “Cuntry Living” or “Misandry.” They are:
- Scissors
- Sweet lady kisses
- Tuna
- Heaven
Obviously he’s gonna go with scissors, right?
And then what if we turned a bunch of Scissoring Sweatshirts into Scissoring Sweat-DRESSES? CAN YOU IMAGINE THE FASHION?
It’s the new jeggings
Artie’s into the heaven idea:
Brittany: When I’m with Santana, it just feels like I’m in heaven, and angel wings remind me of her.
Artie: Okay, let’s explore heaven.
Indeed! Thus Brittany, Artie, Sam, Blaine and a bunch of extras put on nightgowns and angel wings and transport themselves to the set of “Beauty School Dropout” to explore heaven. Everybody’s wearing pajamas! It’s like a slumber party! Plus, I love a good pronoun switch.
http://youtu.be/Oj3pMz_1CcM
We then strap on our strap-ons and hop over to The Glee Club room, where Mercedes is rallying the children to inspire Rachel to leave them by reminding her that she loves New York. I hope this plan involves Tasti-D-Lite.
C’mere and let me pick that spinach out of your teeth
Santana looks over Brittany’s crayon-scrawled wedding invitation list, expressing concern that Joan Baez and Johnny Weir might not show up. That is exactly what my parents said to me about Chris Webber coming to my Bat Mitzvah.
I just think at this juncture it would be a big missed opportunity not to invite the lesbian blogging community.
More shocking than those additions, however, is this one:
Santana: Uh, why are you inviting my abuela?
Brittany: Because you won’t and she should be there.
Santana: You know, when I was little we used to play wedding all the time. She would give me her veil and I would wrap her shawl all around me like a dress, and I would march down the aisle and she would hum the wedding march and then she would ask me what guy I was gonna marry that day. My whole life I’ve dreamt of my wedding with her sitting in the front row bawling. And believe me if I could get into her head and bring it into this century, I would, and I would forgive her and have her here, she’s my abuela, you know, the lady with the big plates of rice and beans…. but having her at my wedding means not marrying you. And I’d choose you over everyone.
Brittany: I choose you too!
It’s like Trainspotting! I choose life!
Now, stay perfectly still so I can execute another one of our trademark Chaste TV Kisses to not offend any of the 35 people who still watch this show
Cut to Abuela’s house, where Brittany has shown up in one of those costumes Emily and Spencer wore to creep around the hospital and look for missing files. She’s there to pretend to be Abuela’s new nurse.
So can I put you down for three boxes of Thin Mints?
Brittany asks about her stool, calls Dr.Walgreens, speaks deft Spanish and eventually makes her way into Abuela’s heart by suggesting they break for some telenovelas.
Well I’ll be damned, nobody’s ever offered me their Talbots Friends & Family discount before!
Abuela notices Brittany’s ring and starts asking her about her fiancee. She assumes, of course, that it’s a man, and she wants to know everything: when they met, how they met, if they’re having kids — a bittersweet reminder that if she knew who Brittany was marrying, she’d not want one single solitary detail on the whole affair.
DON’T LOOK AT THE CAMERAS RIGHT NOW BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT WE’RE TRAPPED IN A YANKEE CANDLE COMMERCIAL
(Also noted: Brittany says she popped a hip once during sex. THE HAZARDS OF SCISSORING!)
Brittany, however, has just sold everybody’s second-favorite Melted-Cheese-Focused show, Fondue for Two, to Univision, and is pleased as spiked punch to invite Abuela onto the show as her first guest. If Lord and Lady Tubbington could stop messing with the pinata and somebody could get a baby carrot into my mouth, we could get this show on the road.
Today we’ll be discussing the benefits and drawbacks of using maracas as sex toys!
Tonight’s show is all about weddings and maybe Steven Hawking. Abuela talks about meeting Hector Lopez in Vietnam, but then he died, and then she met Pedro Lopez, who she liked much better. This inspires Brittany to share her own American History story:
Brittany: First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt had a best friend, Lorena Hickok. They vacationed together, wrote over 3,000 letters to each other and legend has it, Eleanor kissed Lorena’s picture every night before bed!
Clip Art. It’s TOTALLY a thing.
This delightful tidbit of Sapphistry doesn’t register with Abuela, but Brittany wondering if she and Santana should just elope (Ideally to Disneyworld, this show really needs a Disneyworld episode) inspires Abuela to threaten to skin Brittany alive!
Abuela: When two souls unite as one, it is a day of celebration. You should be surrounded by your loved ones, especially tu familia. Friends come and go, but family is your blood. And they need to share in your joy.
Cut to Santana in a coffee shop, tuning in live on her laptop. Abuela’s most recent declaration is more than she can bear, though, and thus she shuts it down.
What the fuck is OurChart and why do they keep talking about it this season?
It’s that tricky thing homophobes do, how they focus on the family with all their might while refusing to accept anybody’s definition of family besides their own. The kind of family that Santana needs — hell, that all of us need — isn’t conditional or judgmental, it’s pure and open-armed. Brittany has that with her parents, and she just wants Santana to have it too.
We then drive the fastest cars on the road back to McKinley, where Mercedes tells Rachel that New York is Rachel’s Endgame.
Well, maybe with enough lube…
To remind Rachel of her True Destiny, Mercedes has assembled a low-rent set reminiscent of the New York New York Hotel in Las Vegas, peppered with tiny children in top hats. As they perform, Rachel’s volleyed back to clips from previous seasons — the striped coat and the beret! That time she took a cab to Chinatown! That time Kurt showed up and they hugged! That part in the red pill hat that they always play on hulu before the episode! DOO DOO DOO!
http://youtu.be/_bnmAm73_JE
I hope if I move to Ohio that a bunch of lunatic high schoolers show up in top hats to remind me of that time I threw up in an alley in the West Village or that time we got stoned and looked at all the fruits at Whole Foods.
Damn my abs feel tight today
Unfortunately, this stunning musical experience can’t convince Rachel to return to New York City. She’s just not ready. That’s what we’re all here to discuss tonight, I think: hearts over minds, love over fear, friendship over everything.
Shortly thereafter the hallowed hallways have become packed with Brittany’s new Latino fan base ’cause Queso Por Dos has been renewed for two seasons!
Is that bitch doing PR for our sex tape without me?
Santana sends the fans packing so they can have some real talk:
Santana: Why do you think that it’s okay to go behind my back and be friends with someone who would rather see my dead than in love with another woman?
Brittany: You came out to Abuela ten years ago, okay? Times have changed.
Santana: It was three years ago, and nothing has changed for her, and it never will. And believe me, it’s not JUST the homos she has a problem with because it took that bitch 50 years to talk to a black person, and it was her mailman, and then she accused him of stealing her Christmas cards.
Brittany, because she believes the world can be sunshine and rainbows as long as you open the windows and let in the light, thinks Abuela simply fears the unknown, and will come around once she sees how cute Santana looks in menswear:
Brittany: “Maybe it’s our job as young hot progressives to educate older, scary farts. I mean, if Abuela gets to know us and sees that we’re somewhat normal, like how I sometimes dance in my sleep and you sometimes dye your hair blonde for no reason, then she’ll see us for who we really are, oaky? And then maybe she’ll understand that, aside from that awesome lesbian sex part, that we’re just like everyone else. We at least have to try, right?”
Okay, if you think a threesome with us is what Rachel needs to give her the confidence to sleep with Quinn, then I’ll do it.
Santana softens, ’cause that’s what Brittany does to her, and Santana lets her continue the mission, maybe knowing it’s a lost cause but also knowing Brittany wants to try. The framing is weird, though. I get it, but I don’t really like it: straight people don’t have to accept gay people because we’re just like them! They have to accept us because our differences don’t make us any less worthy of love. They have to accept us even though a lot of us aren’t anything like them.
This is how lesbians have sex
What’s Sam Evans doing? I figured you’d ask, ’cause I know that’s what we’re all still here for is Sam Evans, let’s be real. No actually he might be my favorite male character on the show at this point. I love his look in this scene, it’s very “Christmas At Best Buy”!
http://youtu.be/2yARh6XtqGs
Well, Sam’s creeping on Mercedes, mostly, until they sit down and have a little talk about how even though he used to touch her boobs and now he can’t, they can still be friends because she’s dating a Christian Rock singer who’s waiting for marriage. She says he should go for it with Rachel, they both admit they’re a little jealous, which makes Sam feel better, and SCENE.
Don’t even get me started about Beck right now
Rachel changes her mind about the audition! She’s gonna go for it! She’s never been this scared in her whole life, not even when Finn broke her nose or when she first saw Baby Drizzle or when all her friends started teleporting coast-to-coast like magicians or when Mr. Schuster opened his mouth and let words come out of it.
Rachel, it’s okay, a lot of people have a harder time using a Rodeoh than a regular harness
Which brings us to a lively rendition of “Promises, Promises,” which does that thing where Rachel is in Ohio and then suddenly she’s in New York and it’s all very high-energy and full of vim and vigor.
http://youtu.be/VvL_NgHMlIo
Back at the April Rhodes Memorial Pavillion, it seems that Brittany has somehow tricked Abuela into hitting up her granddaughter’s former high school for no reason, just to be blindsided by Santana singing “Alfie,” which I’m sorry, just makes me think of that year Jude Law was in everything.
Look I know you’re here to see Ashlee Simpson play Roxie but her understudy really isn’t that bad!
Abuela must be so confused. “Why is she singing Burt Bachrach? She knows I prefer Soundgarden.”
http://youtu.be/GG_84tre27k
Following this non-sequitor display of music and gownery, Brittany brings Abuela onto the stage to face her estranged relation, who she admits is the fiance she’s been speaking of. Abuela is unimpressed:
Abuela: So you come into my home, treat me with kindness, lure me here and trick me into seeing my granddaughter and hear her sing?
Brittany: Yes, because I love Santana more than everything and I would do anything for Santana, okay? Even tricking a sick old woman.
Is thinking about Big Sean
Abuela is skeptical, but then Santana steps forward to say her piece, and it’s a nice, fat piece of emotional blackbird pie:
Santana: You taught me to be a strong Latina woman, to be bigger than the world was ever gonna give me permission to be, and I have. You taught me not just to exist, because I’m worth so much more than that. And without Britt, I just exist. She’s the love of my life, and I’m going to marry her, and I want to share that with you because without your love, I think I just exist, too.
Brittany: Please, please, just come to the wedding.
Abuela: No. Right is right. I love you Santana, but I don’t love your sin. Girls marry boys, not other girls.
I hate it when this show still makes me tear up. DAMMIT SHOW.
OMG Santana you’re squeezing all the blood out of my hand
WOMP Womp. It’s not what Brittany expected, because well — it just doesn’t make sense. Homophobia like this doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense that it’d be so much louder than love, but it is for so many families out there. Abuela is stabbing her granddaughter in the heart, but maybe they could just let it rest right there, but Brittany doesn’t let it rest. Instead she basically says “Good Riddance,” but using a lot more words:
Brittany: Good. I’m glad you’re not coming. You know, The New York Times said um, half the increase in support of gay marriage is due to generational turnover. That’s what smart people call “crazy uptight bitches dying.” You guys lost, okay? And honestly the rest of us are just going about our business being normal and waiting for you to come around and not because you can stop us from getting married, but just because you’re kind of annoying.
Abuela is shocked, of course — you’re letting her talk to me like this? — and I am, too, because, no, Brittany, that’s not how you talk to somebody’s grandmother, even if she doesn’t appreciate how cute Ellen and Portia were at their wedding!
On a broader level, though as far as the idea that it’s okay to wish the death of old people who are homophobic — I know those are the facts, and that’s certainly what just happened here, but we often don’t always give old people enough credit. Yes, the world is full of Abuelas. It’s full of the parents and grandparents who have rejected so many of you reading this right now. But I’m not the only one who avoided visits and phone calls with my (now) only living grandparent to avoid having to tell her the truth about my life because I believed, erroneously, that All Grandparents Hated The Gays. A friend of the family had told me specifically, “there are some things your grandmother doesn’t need to know.” So I kept my distance and I kept quiet. But that was a mistake, because I was wrong, because she just loves me and wants me to be happy, and she loves my girlfriend, too. ‘Cause you know what else happens when you get older and older? You run out of fucks to give! You just want people to be happy. Waiting for people to die isn’t the answer, and animosity against those who dare to live isn’t, either. I know kids whose parents rejected them but their grandparents, ultimately, took them in. The numbers don’t lie: most of your grandparents are not cool with you being gay. That’s true. But not all of them. So there is so much good in this episode, but this tiny bit here — this “we’re just waiting for you old farts to die” bit? Nope. Not into it.
So, Santana gets her last word in:
Santana: Take a look, because this is what real love looks like. And I love you so much. But Britt is my family now and if having her in my family means not having you, then that’s a trade I’ll take any day.
Ok I’m ready for sleepy sloos now
Back in the Teacher’s Lounge, Rachel’s raving about how much she enjoyed her audition, being back in the saddle, and having immediate access to a plethora of Vegan dining options. She had nothing and everything at stake, and she feels very zen about it. This pleases Mercedes and Samuel. This pleases them very much.
And I was just sitting there, holding her breasts in my hands, thinking, “You know what, Rachel Berry? You could’ve been doing this all along if you weren’t so scared that you didn’t know how to have lesbian sex!”
Atta girl.
Nothing can stop Rachel Berry, says Sam, and by the way, how about that date? Did you hear about the four-course meal for $12.99?!!!
In the hallowed hallways, Brittany and Santana, arm and arm, galavant down the hallway like two ladies who’ve probably just had fists in each other’s vaginas. Santana reflects on how she should be mad at Abuela, but now just feels sad for her. It’s part of the Homophobic Relative Stages of Grief, I think.
Really? You prefer Sparia fanfic?
Brittany apologizes for saying nasty things to Abuela but Santana apparently appreciated it more than I did, it seems: Brittany stood up for her, and she liked that. Santana doesn’t let people stand up for her, really, ’cause she’s always the first boots on the floor to advocate for her own damn self. But she can do that for this girl. No matter what, it turns out.
“Let’s go humor these tone-deaf weirdos,” Santana says, and they head to the April Rhodes Memorial Pavilion for a big speech on Chosen Family. Artie says he’s not sure how to fill Abuela’s seat at the wedding because well, SO MANY PEOPLE WANNA SIT IN IT! It must be a really fancy throne.
What can I say, it was just a phase!
Maybe it’s just a really large chair:
You could do an entire musical number on that chair y’all
Anyhow, now it’s time for the moral of the story: family isn’t what’s in your blood, it’s who’s in your heart. Despite my aforementioned feelings about Brittany being rude to Abuela, this is some real true shit. It’s really too bad more people weren’t watching when this happened, but I think this was the moment I realized this last season is kinda ours. Brittany and Santana have had more couple-time this season than in all the seasons that came before us, as I believe Heather also pointed out during the engagement episode. For better and for worse, all the way home. Sometimes your family turns on you, but there is so much more family where that came from:
Kurt: Family are the people who embrace you with open arms no matter what.
Blaine: They can see the pain in your eyes even when you’re fooling everybody else.
Mr. Shue: Family is about laughing louder, smiling bigger, and livng better.
Sam: Family’s like fudge, mostly sweet, with a couple of nuts.
Mercedes: And although we’re not related by blood, we’re bonded by something much stronger: love.
We Are Weirdos But We Are Not Alone, so to speak.
The name of the town is Grovers Corners, New Hampshire — just across the Massachusetts line: latitude 42 degrees 40 minutes, longitude 70 degrees 37 minutes
Everybody pretends like Sam didn’t just made a gay buttsex reference. Now that they’ve declared themselves Santana’s New Abuelas, they’re prepared to invite themselves to be in her wedding party, hand out programs and dental dams, release the doves, organize the silent auction, hire the snapdragons, carmel the corn and polish the leather.
http://youtu.be/tZdwBOP97ws
The children gather at Mr. Schues’s to eat tiny sandwiches and drink sparkling cider and reconnect with lost loves of yore! We end with Kurt answering the door to find Blaine, no Karofsky in sight.
What if the unholy trinity had a threesome as a bachelorette’s party? Just an idea.
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Great recap as usual, but I have to disagree with you on Britt’s attitude towards Abuela. Yeah, there are some grandparents that are ok (or even great, in my case) with their grandkids being gay, and they should be praised (and hopefully live forever). But that is not the case, Abuela is a homophobe and a hypocrite and she should be called out for that. It was a bit harsh, yeah, but it wasn’t worse than what Abuela said to Santana three years ago. As a Brazilian journalist once said: “A**holes get old too”, and unfortunately some of them keep being a**holes.
I didn’t say Brittany should be polite to her Abuela because some grandparents are nice, though! I SWEAR BY THE MOON AND THE STARS IN THE SKY. I just said that the “we’re waiting for old people to die” attitude is shitty, in general. I was using what she said as a jumping off point to talk about a larger issue, which I do a lot.
In my opinion, it’s shitty to be rude to your elders, even the assholes. Take the high road. She’s an elderly woman of color in rural Ohio who was raised in a religion that taught her some fucked up shit that she still clings to, you know? I feel like if Abuela
had left the conversation knowing that she’s the only one who got ugly and said shitty, terrible things, that would be better. Have her live with that, you know? Instead of walking away with even more fuel for her fire. That’s all.
It’s shitty to be rude to anyone, but old people don’t get a special pass.
I see your point, but the sad thing is I think a lot of us can identify with what Britt said. I have two very different grandmas, and I know that ten years down the road or whenever I get married, one grandmother is going to be at my wedding and the other(a very very Christian lady) is not. I love my grandmother, and she loves me, but there are things about me that she would never, ever understand or accept, principally my sexual orientation.
I know my grandmother’s love for me is conditional, and honestly I am hoping that she does die before I get married and have no choice but to come out to her. I don’t wish her harm, I just know that if she is around when I get married it will be very messy and painful for the both of us.
This is an awful feeling to have about a relative, but I think it’s something a lot of queer people can relate to. And that’s why, even though Brittany’s words felt harsh and made me sad, I could relate to them one hundred percent.
I completely understand. My brother’s girlfriend came to various family events over Christmas, and with my grandmother, all I could think about was ‘will I ever be able to bring my girlfriend?’ Of course I don’t want anything to happen to her, but what happens when I want to get married? I can’t imagine telling her, we have a hard enough relationship without her knowing I’m gay, but it’s not like I could ever get married and not tell her. So, I get it.
I have that feeling every time my brothers and their wives and kids are all in town for a holiday or something. It’s a sucky feeling, and will likely always hurt, and while I know that my parents will never come to my someday wedding, I also know that I’ll tell them. They’re my parents. And, other than the fact that my queerness is a “don’t ask, don’t tell” area of my existence, we actually do have a really good relationships.
I totally get what you’re saying. The VAST majority of my family, both immediate and extended, will never be supportive of me, they’ll never come to my wedding, they may never even meet my special someone. And they’ll do it all while spouting lines about still loving me but feeling that meeting my someone, inviting her into their home, even if only for a meal, and especially going to our wedding would be showing tacit approval of our “lifestyle” and my “choices” and they just can’t stand that thought.
I can try telling them that showing up isn’t about approval, it’s about displaying love and respect for me, someone that they claim to love, but I’ll likely never get anywhere. And while I will intentionally keep having those conversations with my immediate family, it’s just not worth it with my grandparents and the rest of my extended family. But even though I’ll never have those conversation, I would never (and could never) imagine even entertaining the thought of being glad that one day they (and therefore their homophobic beliefs) will die out. For better or worse, who they are, the things that they taught me and believe, the legacy they have handed down to me has shaped and continues to shape who I am today.
I guess what I’m saying is that family, even and perhaps especially homophobic family, are so much more than their homophobic beliefs. And while their homophobic beliefs and actions no doubt cause pain and grief, that doesn’t mean you necessarily have to burn those bridges. Being in a queer relationship and maintaining ties with homophobic family members are not mutually exclusive things, at least not in my experience. Yeah, there may be chunks of your life that forever remain in the “don’t ask, don’t tell” category, but that doesn’t mean you have to cut ties, burn bridges, and just flat out be cruel to people who are just standing up in their (admittedly ignorant and horribly hateful) beliefs.
yes this this yes this
The epic saga of the Sparia Fanfic, now crossing fandoms
WE WILL GO ON FOREVER!
*throws fists in the air* *runs in circles* *squees*
Speaking of Jessie J, would it be considered ironic that her new song has the line, “Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter” in it?
Completely agree with what you wrote about Brittany’s talk with Abuela at the end. They took it too far. I find that a lot of Brittana fans tend to accept what they say because it’s Brittana, the “perfect lesbian couple”. They are a fictional couple who’s words are written by a group of writers and producers. It seemed like Ryan Murphy set up the plotline and then hijacked Brittany to culminate to his message at the end.
yes!
I don’t understand the part of the recap reaction to abuela’s rejection. Not all grandparents are homophobic so Brittany shouldn’t have been so harsh with abuela even though she IS super homophobic and judgmental and has rejected her granddaughter who just wants her love and acceptance? Bull pucky.
Sometimes the families we’re born into are toxic and awful, but the families we choose and make for ourselves are healthy and loving and supportive. Santana is not operating under some erroneous belief based on a stereotype of old people. She has concrete, hard, in her face evidence her grandmother rejects who she is. She has no obligation to be understanding or forgiving or to wait for abuela to come around or ANYTHING. If she wants to, that’s up to her. Some people feel better working on their problems and forgiving. Some people, for their own emotional and mental health, need to leave behind the toxic people in their life. Brittany’s reciprocal rejection of abuela is just fine with me.
“Not all grandparents are homophobic so Brittany shouldn’t have been so harsh with abuela even though she IS super homophobic and judgmental and has rejected her granddaughter who just wants her love and acceptance? Bull pucky.”
That would be a really weird thing to say! But that’s not what I said, I swear, I guess it might seem that way from a skim, but I was aiming to discuss something a little more complicated with y’all.
I cried a bit because I am avoiding calling my lovely grandparents because I am in love and it’s stupid. So um, yea, thanks for getting a bit more complicated. I got what you were getting at.
thank you, amor!
I’m in the same boat as you. Can we maybe have a You Need Help: Coming Out to Your Grandparents When Everyone Says Not To?
I read that paragraph three times. I just re-read it twice. It still reads, to me, as a rejection of that moment because, based on the paragraph, the interpretation of it is Brittany wants abuela to die or wants to write her off until she dies. And then, as I read it, it seems as though the reaction is that we, the audience, should not be so quick to write off our own family members because you never know when you’re wrong about them. But within the context of the show, the totality of the circumstances making up that moment, and the three characters involved (Brittany, Santana, and abuela), I find that extraneous/irrelevant. I maintain that that reaction was absolutely fine in the face of such blatant rejection, especially after reaching out in love and hope.
Petition for Heather Hogan to review the Brittana wedding episode.
Or anybody else other then whoever wrote this one and clearly doesn’t get Brittany (or Brittana, for that matter) and completely neglected to mention Heather’s incredibly performance in this entire episode.
I really want Heather Hogan to write the recap for Brittany and Santana’s wedding. I need to see her words at the end of their story.
“What if the unholy trinity had a threesome as a bachelorette’s party? Just an idea.” I’m into it.
I loved all the Brittana moments this episode, and Santana was really smokin’ hot, like, startingly so. It was really irritating that most of the episode felt like 30 seconds of dialogue between random and unnecessary songs, especially with the Sam and Rachel shenanigans. (Oh, also, I loathed that Mercedes asked the BOYS only to go help cheer up Rachel. What the fuck is with this show and relying on the guys’ singing to fix girls’ problems??)
I am with the others. Riese, you are absolutely lovely, but I think Heather should write the recap for the wedding episode. She’s been recapping with us since the beginning and I would love to see what she has to say about our beloved Brittana and [SPOILER: Klaine] wedding. It would be like coming full circle. Maybe you could recap the week after!
I loved this episode. And this recap was hilarious. I was cracking up.
Of course I’d be more than happy to have Heather recap the wedding episode, or any episode, like I said below, it’s really okay, recapping Glee isn’t exactly the highlight of my week! Listen; Heather has a huge fan base for her recaps from AfterEllen and her recaps are incredible. I’ve been recapping Glee on Autostraddle since Season Two, though, and there’s been a fan base here, too. We have different styles and different allegiances to different characters.
So it seemed to us that with the two primary lesbian recappers of this show at the same website, the best way to handle the farewell season to best satisfy both of those fan bases was to switch off week by week (and also to save my sanity, ’cause recapping a one hour show is a lot of work — and Heather does three of them every week!). It’s not a competition, we’re a team, and everything we do, we do it for you (and sometimes for each other), like the Bryan Adams song.
Y’all (not just you!) don’t need to butter me up or fake-start a petition, that just makes us feel weird. Just ask us, weirdos! Most of the recap readers probs have an opinion of who they like better, and we know that, and it’s okay!
<3 <3
I used to read both Riese’s recaps here at Autostraddle and Heather’s at AfterEllen (I’m a nerd who loves TV, don’t judge me!). I’m really happy that Heather has joined the Autostraddle team! Largely because I would rather support independent queer lady media. Now I get the best of both worlds! And without having to support the type of co-opting of our community done by mass media corporatization that can be sometimes hard to swallow, you know? Anyway, I’m so glad that they decided to switch off weeks, because I think Glee needs both Heather’s optimism and Riese’s edge.
What I’m really trying to say here is that in my dream world we get a wedding recap that has both Riese and Heather. Like maybe they can do a transcript of them talking about the episode, or something like that? Riese is right, both of their fan bases deserve to be served. And they are both fabulous, if different, writers! And, mostly because I bet they both are going to have a lot to say about the wedding that we all didn’t see coming six years ago :)
Like maybe they can do a transcript of them talking about the episode, or something like that?
actually that’s a really cute idea and would be a fun companion post! also i want to get business cards where I identify as “the edge” and Heather identifies as “the optimist.”
Riese, I whole-heartedly hope that you and Heather go to whatever is the modern day version of Kinkos (are Kinkos even still around?) and get those business cards for each other as a Valentine’s Day gift.
I’m glad that my suggestion of a conversation transcript was productive! Like PaperOFlowers, I got the idea from the transcript that Mari and Mey did for the Transparent pilot.
Maybe it can come into fruition? Hopefully? A girl can dream.
I second this idea about Riese and Heather collaborating. Even if Heather does the recap, I would love to have a conversation between the two of you (like Mari and Mey did for the pilot of Transparent) included just to address some of the bigger issues from different perspectives.
ahhh i actually love this idea a LOT. i’d love to read like a gchat log of you guys giving a play-by-play of the ep, or something like that? maybe just key moments, because doing the whole ep would take forever. i love both your recaps but/and would prefer to hear what you both think without making you write two separate recaps (because, yeesh, even assuming the ep is gonna be pretty good, that’s a punishment if i ever heard one). also the idea of listening in on you two talk about tv is kinda a dream come true.
oh and for the record: duh you do not yell at your friend/gf/fiance/whoever’s grandmother! the rule is you can complain about your own family and you can yell at your own family and you can nod along as your gf calls her mom “a total bitch” and “ruining my life” but you can NEVER say any of those things about her mom! i get what they were going for here, but (as others have said), glee has a “if you don’t agree, then you’re wrong” attitude in general, and values the ‘correct’ opinion, no matter how it’s presented. we were clearly meant to root for brittany here because she’s ‘right,’ regardless of feelings, like we were meant to root for santana’s cruel take-down of kurt in the engagement episode.
I think a collab recap sounds awesome. I do love your snark, Riese. It’s hilarious. And 99% of the time, it’s totally on point. I just need my feeeeeeeeels for the wedding recap.
Oh, Glee. What have you done to me?
Don’t worry everybody you really don’t have to twist my arm to convince me not to recap this or that episode of Glee!
sorry this comment section is so full of assholes for some reason–have some adorable puppies instead:
OH MY G-D THOSE PUPPIES ARE FUCKING ADORABLE
logically I know those weren’t meant for me. But I came here directly after reading the comments on the AE bisexuality panel, so I will take it as fate that you knew anti-asshole puppies were needed desperately.
Great. I’m a sucker for punishment, I think, and it’s taking everything in me not to go see what they’re saying. I mean I have an idea, but still.
Oh God, same here.
This recap is the worst. Bring back heather hogan
We switch off weeks, so she’ll be back next week!
Riese, while I agree with your larger argument that it shouldn’t be assumed that all in the older generation are homophobes”- I don’t think that was Brittany’s overarching point.
What Brittany said was hard to listen to. It intentionally was meant to sting. However, it wasn’t worse than what Abuela said to Santana after she came out. I think that for me, that was key.
Brittany wasn’t being rude out of nowhere to a random old woman who she just assumed to be a homophobe, or even a misunderstood sweet old Grandma who just had to be shown the way. We know this because for over half the episode, Brittany tried to show Abuela the way! Even when Santana warned her not to! Because Brittany loved Santana and believed that their love was strong enough to change her grandmother’s heart. It wasn’t. And now Brittany had to protect the thing she loved from being anymore hurt than she already was.
I would agree that out of context, that speech was rude. But in context to who Abuela was and what she has done over the course of the show (please remember that in addition to disowning Santana in high school, Abuela also is credited for calling Santana cruel nicknames such as “garbage face” as a child), I feel like Brittany’s actions were understandable- if not justifiable.
It’s a harsh truth- but, unfortunatlely some people really are dirty, nasty, jerks. And sometimes, with those type of people, you have to get on their level for them to hear you. It’s painful, but sometimes sunshine really doesn’t end the darkness. Sometimes you have to get dark and ugly with them- to give them a first hand experience of what that looks and feels like. I say that because I’m pretty sure it’s already confirmed [SPOILER!] that Abuela is coming to the wedding. And I’m willing to bet that Brittany’s speech has a lot to do with what will ultimately help her change her mind.
And I say this as someone who is not even a Brittany S. Pierce fan. I mostly put up with her because I love Santana’s character so much. In fact, this is Brittany on her own.
Erg! That last line was supposed to read “In fact, this is the first episode in six years where I ever appreciated Brittany on her own”.
Sorry that whole thing was so long, yall! I had a lot on my mind.
Yeah, I understand what you’re saying, I do! I think I just have a really strong aversion to the idea of yelling at old ladies? Especially an old lady who is related to your future wife? I’d ask permission before ever being that harsh to a relative of my girlfriend’s, and if I had an intolerant relative, I hope she’d do the same.
The funny thing is that I wasn’t sure if I was reacting fairly so I asked Heather what she thought (it’s really magical to be able to ask Heather what she thinks all the time, it’s one of my life’s best new features!) and she agreed with me so I was like, okay, YES. Sometimes people are a product of their time and while you don’t have to forgive them, or even be nice to them… but do you have to be rude? It wasn’t a bridge-building speech.
I wouldn’t be surprised if that inspires Abuela to come to the wedding… because the show’s team of writers obviously has decided that’s how things operate in the world they’ve created and they’re going to follow through with it! You know?
I definitely hear you! Yelling at old ladies is the absolute worst. It’s a drastic measure. I just think that this was a situation it was called for. But it should always be an absolute last choice.
When I was watching the episode and after Brittany’s rant, when Abuela turned to Santana and said, “You let her speak to me like this?”. I actually wanted Santana to say something that acknowledged Brittany was rude before she launched into her “we are a family. This is what love is” speech. Something along the lines of, “Brittany’s words are harsh. But she is my family and standing up for me.” I think that would have made it clear to the audience that Brittany’s methods were extreme, even if her heart was coming from a good place.
But that’s probably just asking entirely too much from Glee writers. So I don’t even know why I try.
Last thing, I agree with you that glee has already established a universe where rampant bitchness is rewarded and adult conversations are undervalued. We’ve seen that time and again from Rachel, Kurt, and definitely Santana. And that is terrible. But we are already six seasons in this shit-show, so it’s probably too late to change the rules of the game.
(I also agree with a point that was made later on in the comment section that at this point it’s been established that Brittany is a part of what Santana considers to be family. And that Brittany spent the episode claiming Abuela as her family as well. So she isn’t an outsider making a comment, she is a part of this internal family matter. Which also makes a difference)
OH! For real, the last thing, but getting to ask Heather what she thinks about things (both TV and life) all the time sounds like the MOST BEAUTIFUL MAGICAL POWER! I’m so glad that you get to enjoy it. :) :) :)
This comment thread has been a lot to deal with. You have been moderating it and participating it in like a champ. Just wanted you to know that the dedication doesn’t go unnoticed! <3
You guys I did not even think for one second that what I felt about that one paragraph would be vaguely controversial, especially since Heather had the same reaction. I’m so surprised!
It remains my opinion that you should check with your girlfriend before you tell your girlfriend’s grandmother that she’s annoying and you hope she dies! You can yell at your friend, you can yell at your mom, but you can’t yell at your friend’s mom (without asking her first). Same goes for grandmothers I think. That’s like, the rules of feminism.
I think I only felt bad about Brittany being sharp with her because I’m very much attached to Abuela in Jane The Virgin and it’s been weird seeing the same actress play two very very different kinds of abuelas.
Considering how Santana destroyed Kurt for interrupting her proposal to Brittany, it seems like S&B have similar attitudes to how they stand up for one another. Since Santana didn’t seem upset by how Brittany treated her abuela, I think it might reflect Brittany’s familiarity with what Santana is okay with. (But that might be giving more credit to the writers than is due.)
Yeah, that’s true. I just think family is so different. And I thought Brittany was doing a really fucking fantastic job of standing up for Santana, and then things took a really jarring turn! Then they went back to being good and normal again, but for a second I was like… wait, what?
I mean, I would totally agree with this if Brittany were just Santana’s friend or Santana’s girlfriend and if Alma had only refused to attend the wedding and left it at that. That’s not what Alma does, though, in response to Santana’s affirmation of what she’s learned from her grandmother. Instead of simply telling Santana that she rejects her and the legitimacy of her upcoming marriage, Alma digs even further by having the last word: “you disappointed me first.”
Brittany keeps the edge off of her voice until Alma says those words to Santana. It’s the tipping point for her. Brittany goes into attack mode because she’s defending her family. She’s taking it upon herself to protect Santana’s heart from being hurt even more than it already (and clearly) is. And I don’t know if I think she’s wrong for doing so.
I don’t know. I just think there’s a lot more going on with familial alignment in that scene than a few mean and untactful words said to a grandma– a grandmother Brittany repeatedly claims as her own throughout the episode as she keeps calling her “Abuela.” Brittany isn’t on the outside looking in anymore. It’s her family, too.
^ This is an excellent point, especially highlighted by Santana turning to her abuela and pronouncing Brittany as her family now. It would be really inappropriate if Britt was a friend or just a (new) girlfriend, but this is about fusing the Lopez and Pierce families together. I wouldn’t think twice about doing this if my fiancée’s family ever referred to us as a “sin”.
I love brittana and while I think what britt said to abuela Lopez was cool, I totally respect your opinion..it was a little rude..I like your recap..you’re awesome :)
thank you phoenixshaan, lets go eat hummus in the park!
Hi heather good morning I love you and like recapping back and forth with you
Riese look at what you’ve done PEOPLE ARE DISAGREEING WITH YOU!!!!
no junior mints caption? i am disappoint
i know i am now realizing that SCISSORING IS REAL? should have been I’M READY FOR MY JUNIOR MINT
I thought the Baby Carrots comment might have been a playful variation on the Jr Mints theme, for your regular readers. Enjoyed it either way. Baby carrots indeed.
Stellar recap as always. Whose arm do we have to twist to get you to recap the wedding episode?
In the true spirit of Glee, I declare a DIVA OFF!!!!!!!!!!! because that notion is absurd with Riese and Heather
I’m surprised by all the hate in this recap’s comments. I mean I adore Brittany, and while I’m glad she stood up for Santana and against homophobes, I also think she took it too far. I lost my grandma a few years ago, before I ever knew I was queer let alone had a chance to talk to her about it, but I would give anything to have her back. I’m not sure if I would have told her, but even if I did and even if she didn’t accept me, I wouldn’t be sitting around waiting for her to die. And I can see that Brittany was angry and hurt (her innocence was kind of shattered by Alma in that scene, which is something that has never happened before), but the writers didn’t have to take her speech so far.
I love Riese’s recaps of all the things, and this one was just as hilarious as ever!
I understand why some think that Brittany went overboard with that little speech. But personally I think it was about time that they showed Brittany like that. She persuaded Santana to give Alma a chance to reconnect. All she ever wanted is for Santana to be happy and she knew that Alma accepting Santana and their relationship is something that would make her happy. Brittany who always saw good in people and wanted more than anything for Alma to be ok with them. It is no surprise that Brittany flipped out when she saw how Santana was yet again rejected and cut down by Alma. You could see how disappointed she was. She could do nothing back when she kicked her out of her house and this time she had a chance and she spoke up about it. Santana couldn’t say anything about it, but she could and she did.
That speech wasn’t just aimed just at Alma, that speech was aimed at all bible thumping homophobes. And I have no problem that they used Brittany to send out that message. Throughout the 6 seasons Glee was shoving PSA down out throats, some valid and some so profoundly stupid. But in the few occasions that they allowed Brittany to speak more than a sentence they used her to send a powerful message. And this one was really strong one. You can opposed us all you want, but we will still be here living our lives.
Anyway. No offense Riese but I also do wish that maybe Heather could recap A wedding episode. No disrespect to you, but I guess throughout the years I/we got spoiled with her writing, her understanding of Brittana. And no matter how shitty the episode was, she made it worth watching with her insight and words. Being that this will be the last Brittana episode, and considering that it is a big episode for them, it would be wonderful for Heather to send our girls into sunset and out of this horrible horrible show. I know that at times Brittana fandom can be difficult but considering that all the shit RIB put the fandom through, maybe we could get this treat?
I pray to God that Heather reviews the wedding episode because this was trash. Just completely disrespectful and unprofessional.
If you’d like to talk about ‘disrespectful’ I’d suggest you rephrase your comment asap.
Yeah, I mean, I didn’t think this review was trash like some of the other commenters (talk about taking it too far), but I did feel like there was less reviewing and more recapping than usual. In my reading of Riese’s and Heather’s reviews, I definitely feel the familiarity and warmth for the Brittana fandom on Heather’s side way more. I guess this is feeding into the fandom somewhat, but these are some of the last episodes, and leaving the fandom (many of whom frequent this website) with a warm and fuzzy feeling would be a good parting gift.
Also, I thought Britt’s takedown of Santan’s abuela was spot on. She totally destroyed Santana when she rejected her, and even when she tried to make amends! Maybe Britt was lashing out a bit, but she deserved it.
Anyway, thanks to Riese for your words!
For what it’s worth, I totally agree with Riese about how Brittany talked to Santana’s Abuela.
On one hand, I work with a few racist and sexist (probably) homophobic old republican white guys (some of the old white guys I work with aren’t like this and they’re great) and I can’t wait for them to retire and go the fuck away and stop giving me performance reviews that say “has too much of an opinion, intimidating, should maybe tone it down”. I don’t wish for them to die, though, and they aren’t my girlfriend’s grandmother.
On the other hand, my own badass grandmother is very like Santana’s Abuela, and while she’s never said anything outright about homosexuals (I’ve never brought it up out of fear) she toes the line of a Catholic guilt wielding grandmother from the bronx on every other political thing. I am afraid to say anything to her and I’m not sure if she’d come to my wedding, and I can totally see her saying the things that Santana’s Abuela said.
HOWEVER. If my girlfriend said that she wished my grandmother would hurry up and die to her FACE? That shit is NOT ok. My grandmother might be an asshole but she’s MY asshole grandmother and I love her no matter what. So, Riese, I totally 100% agree with you.
Wishing people would hurry up and die isn’t the answer. Talking to people and relating to them on a human level is the answer. It won’t work 100% of the time and it certainly won’t work right away but it will work better than saying I hope you die.
Maybe I should talk to my grandmother…
Hello Riese, thank you for taking the time to watch this show and write this long, detailed, entertaining recap for the people that read this website even though I’m sure you have much better things to do with your time/sanity.
YES! YES! YES!
thank you!!
I just want to hop on into these comments and say that Riese is a master recapper, one of the reasons I became a writer, I love her and this recap, and I think everyone needs to ease up and realize that recapping the final season of this show is a labor of love for fandom. For you! Riese and I take turns giving up our weekends because we love you (and also because we love each other and want each other to have a chance to go outside and let the sun do its vitamin D thing on our bodies and souls so we don’t die!)
I also want to say I knew Brittany preferred Sparia fanfic!
I appreciate the risk to your souls recapping some of these things (cough*hurt locker*cough). Thank you for your service.
And if you don’t prefer Sparia fanfic you’re wrong.
(Also I hope to god the Faberry fanfic Riese was writing in the screencaps ends up in PLL’s)
Oh, you know it will.
:/ I enjoyed this and I don’t even watch Glee on a regular basis. I always enjoy your writing, Riese – not sure why so much negativity here! Some people just like to complain…
Showing up to echo that while I appreciate Heather’s work so much and the heart she brings, that I want Glee recapped with snark because it is terrible, terrible show in so many ways and needs to be called out on that shit. I’d love to see a joint recap to bring both of these valuable perspectives!
Like really, if y’all think Riese is cruel, I hope you never read Damian’s recaps on Television Without Pity because he tore this show to SHREDS, and while he sometimes did it in a very cis gay dude way, it was beautiful.
real talk: i loved damian’s TWOP recaps! (as you may have noticed by the fact that I continue honoring his memory by calling the auditorium The April Rhodes Memorial Pavilion. I’m always fighting back urges to call Kurt “St. Gay of Lima”)
(and thanks!)
it’s noticed and appreciated. i deeply mourn that he isn’t here to celebrate the end of this wreck. when television without pity announced it was ending i almost dug a hole in the ground and left the world.
Thank you for this Riese, I too am sorry about the amazing concentration of assholes in this comment section. It isn’t really here or there, but I can’t get behind telling another person’s relation that you hope she dies either.
Hi Riese. I really like your Glee recaps. I really like Heather’s Glee recaps. I agree with both of you and disagree with both of you at various times. Thank you for being intelligent enough to form your own opinion about something that you view and for being brave enough to put that opinion out on the interwebz for many to see, even though they may not agree with you.
Just wanted to be another person to say, I read Heather’s Glee recaps over at AE, and read Riese’s Glee recaps here at AS, (and also used to read Demian’s Glee recaps over at TWoP) and I could not be more happy that Heather writes for AS now, and I get to have TWO amazingly talented recappers giving me their very different perspectives on this silly, messed-up, train wreck of a show.
Guys, we get THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS. It’s AWESOME. Whoever recaps the Brittana wedding episode, I know it will inevitably be touching, hilarious, and well-written, all at the same time.
Heather, Riese, you spoil us.
Riese, I think the general dissatisfaction with the recap, speaking from a Brittana-obsessed fan perspective, is that it didn’t really capture the character/story development for both Brittany and Santana. I think we were all expecting a warm embrace (which is what this episode was to us), and got a pat on the back instead. Now that may be for a number of reasons, but I’m guessing it’s because you’re just not that invested in the story and the characters, which is totally understandable. The cry for Heather comes because she’s been with the story and the characters from the beginning, so she would cater to our feelings overload when it comes to the episode and what it means for us to have that story unfold the way it has been.
Your cap is funny and snarky, and I agree with some points, and disagree with others. It’s just that we were hoping for the feels overload. :)
riese, never stop <3
I WON’T I WON’T EVER STOP
Mercedes coaching Rachel through having lesbian sex for the first time is my favorite thing to happen to a Glee recap since the ol drywall and mashed potatoes jokes.
I never read AfterEllen but I’ve loved having Heather on the team, she’s been doing a stellar job recapping PLL. I’ll always prefer Riese’s recaps (#riesecaps) because they were my first introduction to Autostraddle and I felt so blessed to find a piece of work that was 1) tearing glee to shreds with snark, 2) making poignant, pertinent commentary on how this show is being written and effect it will have on audiences, and 3) making up whole new subplots about characters fingering each other via image captions. This show pains me, and I see a similar pain in Riese’s recaps, which is why I’ve always taken solace in their existence. I also don’t want Riese or Heather or ANYONE to have to suffer anymore than they have to on Glee’s behalf. Please, for your own sakes, keep splitting the recaps. But I think a transcript of a discussion between you two would be a perfect addition to the wedding episodes. Xoxo
omg #riesecamps !
I really enjoyed the recap & couldn’t wait to read the comments because they are usually either hilarious, insightful or both. I am honestly shocked by how rude & entitled some people are being. Disagreeing is one thing, but some of these comments are straight up ridiculous.
Anyway just wanted to thank you Riese for taking the time to recap this episode.
thank you <3
First of all – sorry for my English. But I really wanted to comment and decided to try despite my questionable skills. Maybe because it’s 2 AM where I write from :)
I feel very sorry for how vicious many of the comments here are.
I apologise – mostly because I understand all too well the feelings behind them.
If you care to read, I can try to explain why the reacrion to your recap was so out of place.
This episode meant a lot to Brittana fandom, a lot. We had everything we dreamed about: meaningful conversations, support, conflict resolution. And all those subtle moments brittana (and heya, tbh) fans fell in love with during the first season. Those little details – smiles, hand holdings, all the things that made Brittana perfect even when they were mute – are precious to us. We are so used to read them, like good writers are used to read a lot in the most stupid little books, you know? This recap (http://themostrandomfandom.tumblr.com/post/110374327965/observations-of-a-crazy-brittanalyst-part-xli) is a perfect example – we see a story behind every little smile. The way Brittany holds Santana’s hand, kisses her cheek and wipes the lipstick smudge is a whole book in itself. It happens when you are used to live on crumbs for so long, you make a crumbs-feast.
But when we didn’t even get crumbs, we turned to you for consolations. Aside from fanfiction, of course) We read your and HH’s recaps, here and on AE. When this show hurt us, betrayed us, slapped us in the face, you two were there to cheer us up. Laugh at Glee or cry about how awfully it treats women in general and queer women in particular. After “the worst episodes ever” someone on tumblr quoted something wise Heather said, and her words were always soothing (would she absolutely hate me if I tell she is a real Hufflepuff? Smart and brave of course, but also magically kind and understanding towards the others)
But this time we got a real feast instead of crumbs. A real storyline. We got fanfiction in real TV life, we were loved by Glee like never before. And in this moment of happiness we turned, again, to you, expecting a big celebration. Expecting to share with those who helped us through the worst of times our happiness in the best of times!
And instead of celebration and understanding we got… well, what was to be expected. You were still laughing. It is your thing. But it also made you ignore all those subtle moments we cherished so much. I think not a single Brittana fan really wants old ladies to die. I can speak for myself – I come from a country where these exact words are often used against LGBTQA+ community (“You won’t be able to seduce any more children into your lifestyle and you will die out. We, normal people, can just wait.”). I know how it hurts. But I was, too, really upset by what your wrote in this recap. Because – as I think many Brittana fans did – I expected this recap to talk about the way Brittany was crying when she said those words. How her whole life she tried to avoid conflicts – even when it meant not to get her girlfriend back (or to be a human cannonball for Sue). And how this one time she attacked, hurting herself in the process probably as much as she hurt Santana’s Abuela…
Instead we got a life lesson that sounded a little too condescending (I know it was not supposed to be that way). It seemed like we got Will Schuester instead of Dumbledore, you know?
We expected a lot, but what we got was you laughing at what is dear to us, or ignoring it, or lecturing us. It was very much like what Glee did to us so often.
And Brittana’s fandom reaction to being hurt is, basically, Santana’s reaction. We attack with all we’ve got. Just ask Ryan Murphy who avoids #Brittana tweets of the angry lesbian blogger community )
Sorry for writing such a long text. I just really wanted to explain what seems to me to be the reason of our behavior. We are not monsters who want to kill old ladies, we just are a very traumatized fandom )
Still, this blog is your territory, and this is a recap for fans of your recaps, who clearly enjoyed it.
And those fake petitions and angry comments should have stayed on our personal tumblrs. Where, I have to admit, I posted one of my own today when I first read your recap, and I feel sorry for that.
Again. My apologies.
I mean, like, I understand how invested Brittana fans are, but as a Faberrian, I don’t expect Riese to analyze every meaningful glance between Rachel and Quinn with beautiful symbolism and noting the parallel body language and costumes that they wear. That’s not Riese’s job – that’s the #faberry tag on Tumblr’s job. Although Heather’s recaps are meaningful in appealing to that fandom, not all of us are Brittana shippers (nor Paily shippers for her PLL recaps) who read the recaps or watch the shows. I actually appreciate Riese’s neutrality because she provides a non-shipper perspective that is a) very smart b) very funny and c) very valid.
True. As I said before – we should have stayed on tumblr, and this is a neutral place. I just wanted to explain why we came to expect for this recap to be “our space”. I do not deny that we were wrong.
And yes, Riese doesn’t owe us anything. But we, or at least I, owe her an apology.
Hey there, I’m the fake petition one. Sorry about that. What Loony said is exactly how I felt when I posted my comment. I didn’t mean to be rude but it came off that way and I apologize for that. That episode was a big deal for me and I’m sure for a lot of people too. But it doesn’t excuse rudeness. I should have expressed myself better than that. I apologize. And I’m grateful to both Riese and Heather for still investing in and reviewing the show in their own ways.
thanks @loony & @annie, i appreciate the apology. <3
Thank you, Riese.
Loony, I’ve been thinking in circles about how familiar the attitude towards the lgbtqa+ community in your country sounds and it’s midnight here so I’ll just ask, are you from India? If so, we have that in common and I’m looking forward to hear from you. If not, it would be great to talk to you otherwise too.
i think what the world really needs now are autostraddle-designed wedding products / outfits also positive thoughts
Yes that would be awesome!
Some people are taking this so seriously. It’s like people forget how to be polite…
CRAZED WEDDING GAY, REPORTING FOR DUTY
Yea I had the proud warm feeling victory and all of a sudden That puzzled stirring feeling like. ..wait what did she say?!,..oh Brittany no…I cld however tell that it was prob a gut reaction via her pained expression after. It came out crazy harsh tho. I was soo relieved that she expressed some regret to Santana.
And man Riese you are soo spot on…I used to fear every disapproving look or word from my granny. Every. But oh how delighted I was when at last everything is great as she now definitely has 0 f*cks to give. Now its all” that’s good baby, now cm help granny in the kitchen”. I never thought. ..or imagined that day would come. But for some with age comes a disregard of ignorant beliefs and a deeper understanding of health, happiness & love.
Great recap!
First, Reise, I love your wit and snark. Thank you so much for all the dedication you put into your writing and this site. However I would like to also respectfully cast my vote for Heather to recap the final Brittana episode. I know you’d do a great job but the episode’s subject matter (a wedding) would seem to fit so well with Heather’s heartfelt writing style (which still never overlooks Glee’s missteps which we all know are so voluminous they could cover the globe). It would mean a lot to have her words bring these characters’ story to a close as they ride into the sunset.
Riese I love your Glee recaps so much! So freaking funny and true : )
Sorry for the all the assholes on this board:( You’re reviews crack me up and I vote for more! I very much appreciate your creativity and how you see through stuff on glee.
Truth is, people, our grandmothers grew up in very different cultures than us. More often than not, they don’t accept you and your choices if you are gay. Mine wouldn’t either. Is it hurtful? Yes. But they are probably one of the few people in this world who love you unconditionally and in Santana’s case helped raised her. Wishing for them to die is just an ugly message, and one you will likely regret when they do.
Glee’s “no holds barred”, “if you’re not with us you are against us” political spiel approach is kinda pretty much teaching people to be assholes. I believe in winning hearts and minds on a human level.
yes, i agree with all of this so hard!
I was not familiar with this website before Heather’s joining it. So I have to admit I am a loyal fan of Heather’s writing. I still reblog her kitten and wolf quote from a previous Brittana recap. She is also responsible for my further understanding and empathizing with Paige from PLL. When I read Heather’s recaps, in addition to being a “this is what happened,” they also include “this is how it made me feel” and maybe “this is how you might feel as well.” Brittana is the single most important pairing to me. I was Santana growing up and to see her get her happily ever after in the public eye is as important to me as the fact we have an African American president. It is proof positive that even though some people still hate…we are winning! I’m sorry Reise, I have laughed at your L Word recaps and some others, but if you’re writing the recap for THE WEDDING, I won’t be reading it. This is the culmination of a romance that I have watched start from nothing more than background moments and endured Santana’s shitty white hero outing and the muting of Brittany. I am thrilled that in the bedroom scene they used the words I choose you, because fans felt Brittany didn’t choose Santana twice, when some of us believe she was helping her find her path. Brittany defended Santana,even while crying, against someone who had devastated her, like her lady knight in shining armour. Those words were examples of Brittany’s great dire wolf character development. Maybe my Brittana goggles are too focused, but considering this show that I watched faithfully until The Breakup, then intermittently if Santana was in it, is finally ending, yes it ends with THE WEDDING for me, with my girls finally getting their happy ending is so thrilling. It feels too much like a gift and I am truly grateful.
I love your re-caps.
I agree and disagree with points.
Since coming out to my grandma she loves telling me about all the gay people she knew in NYC when she was a young woman working as a bank teller. Her best friend was in fashion so apparently they knew lots of gays. She never had a problem with it, and loves to remind me whenever there’s any big gay news in the media. It’s really endearing. If anyone called her a crazy uptight bitch I would punch them in the kidney.
I think Brittany’s words were a little harsh, but even though she calls abuela a “crazy uptight bitch”. She never says she wishes her to die. She says they’re “waiting for you to come around”, but if you’re not coming around then see you. I think Brittany doesn’t say anything that Santana wouldn’t say if her bitchy self wasn’t blinded by the sadness that she feels that her family isn’t supportive.
1. Once again, I’d like to stress that nobody needs to continue “adding votes” or explaining to me why you want Heather to recap the wedding episode! We’re going to have a proper Diva Off and figure it out that way JUST KIDDING she’ll just recap it! Even though that means her giving up two weekends in a row. So I hope you all join A+ out of appreciation for her sacrifice. <3
2. Santana’s coming out speech reflected my own experiences and feelings moreso than any coming out on television ever has before or since. These characters and this show do matter to me deeply, and I have had no shortage of feelings about how they’ve been shortchanged.
For Season One and most of Season Two, I edited or co-wrote most of the Glee recaps and starting mid-Season Two, I was recapping every episode, aside from a few times Lizz stepped in for me. I was there when this happened and this happened and I freaked out with all of you. I’ve recapped over 70 episodes of Glee — more than any other show I’ve recapped, and I’ve been a professional tv recapper since 2007. I’ve given up countless hours of my life to follow this romance. Additionally I’ve written numerous articles about Glee, including Top 10 Santana & Brittany Glee Musical Numbers — I wrote so much about Glee and Brittana that we got heaps of reader complaints for writing about Glee, specifically, way too often. Then this episode happened, and I did what one does when one is hurt — I protected myself by taking a step back and withdrawing my extreme emotional investment. But I didn’t stop recapping AND I DIDN’T STOP BELIEVING.
Regardless, as Paper0Flowers said upthread, “..as a Faberrian, I don’t expect Riese to analyze every meaningful glance between Rachel and Quinn with beautiful symbolism and noting the parallel body language and costumes that they wear. That’s not Riese’s job – that’s the #faberry tag on Tumblr’s job.”
So, it’s okay to not like my writing style or my snark or the fact that I avoid shipping in recaps altogether or that I think you can love a character without loving everything they say and do, but to say that I haven’t been with this show since the beginning or that these characters don’t matter to me is just nonsense.
Because this weekend was so busy for me, I didn’t even start writing ’til Monday morning. I knew y’all were eager to discuss the episode, so I prioritized speed over analysis.
3. To everybody on this thread who has said they love my recaps, I love you and would let you meet my grandmother
Thank you so much for taking time to write this reply. I re-read you recap and I honestly don’t know why I “misread” it first. It is, actually, good, witty, and smart.
And I understand now that you were hurt by Glee as much if not more than an average fan.
So, after my apology I think I should also thank you for your recap.
And if you recap the wedding episode, I’ll read it. This time properly, and not with my shipper’s head up my ass.
Gotta love the internet and the way you can link to shit from years ago to prove a point! I admit I came to AS for Heather’s PLL writing but I stayed for all the funny, passionate, brilliant and inclusive writing on this amazing website. Both recaps are great and Thank You for your weekly sacrifice.
I love your comment because instead of cooking my fajita inspired casserole I’m reading all your re-caps that you linked to, which is kind of like a fajita inspired casserole.
Layers of delicious Brittana lady-focused recaps!
Hey Riese, don’t know what’s going on re: the comments, but for what it’s worth, I love love love your Glee recaps. You’re my favourite recapper ever.
From my POV, I loved Santana’s coming out, and as much as Glee has pretty much shit on Britanna ever since, I still love the little moments. They matter to me as a viewer a lot, and I love that you seem to get that in your recaps. (And let’s face it… minus Brittany and Santana, would this show actually be worth recapping / watching??)
I wish you were recapping the wedding episode. I love HH’s writing (always have), but yeah, I was really hoping you’d be the person doing that one.
Okay, wow, people. Jeez. Riese, you are great. I’ve been reading your recaps, which always make me LOL IRL, since before this site was even a thing. Heather, you are also great. Everyone is great…even the mean people, because I strongly feel that they need a self-esteem boost that might help them be less mean.
Can this angry commenter mob approach the proportions of the great Gaga/Swift event of 2010? Is Reise the Gaga to Heather’s Swift?
http://www.autostraddle.com/why-taylor-swift-offends-little-monsters-feminists-and-weirdos-31525/
(Also Reise, I love your writing always.)
haha! well, i’m actually working on a new piece about how taylor swift has grown and changed as a human and w/r/t feminism so you can LOOK FORWARD TO THAT
ohdamn i am so looking forward to that!
But where can I get an invite to that Bachelorette party?!
The response to this recap is so shocking to me! Clearly what we have is a bunch of people following HH from ae over here (which is great, yay!) who just aren’t familiar yet with Riese or autostraddle in general. I’m glad AS keeps growing but it kind of makes me miss the days when this place was just a small, happy personality cult.
Anyways I loved this recap. LOVED it. The only time I haven’t loved a #riesecap is when I could tell she hated the show so much that it was torture for her to watch or write about it. Riese, you are a funny genius person and I hope we get to hear your take on the wedding ep. I enjoy heather’s writing as well and look forward to her recapping the wedding, but I’ve been reading your glee recaps since season two and something would be missing for me if I don’t get to hear your thoughts on this momentous occasion.
Lastly… Thank you Riese, and Heather, and the whole team for working so hard and being amazing every single day.
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