While they are trapped inside the elevator:
Sue sends a prayer out for Blaine’s safety and the Warblers perform “My Sharona”/”You Spin Me Round,” and it’s fine. The most important part of their performance is Kitty arrives to watch and realizes how much she misses show choir. She decides to join up one more time, and she comes bearing gifts: The password to Sue’s computer (ThunderBolton69, of course) and the password to Sue’s encrypted file of songs that make her feel real feelings. Kitty got the passwords by bribing Becky with Mexican snack cakes.
So that’s scissoring.
Stop looking at me like that. I’m not Quinn Fabray.
After the Warblers’ do their song and dance, Sue visits Sam in the football field house to hypnotize him some more and continue her plan of Destroying Rachel Berry. First up, she wants him to convince Rachel to perform “the worst set list in human history.” The songs she has chosen are “Ascension Millenium” (by Cory Feldman; it is a song that paralyzed her when she heard it); “Dear Mr. Jesus” (a song that makes you want to beat up a small child); and “Justified and Ancient” (the worst song ever written). Sam does try to get Rachel to do those songs and also he tries to smooch her, but she snaps her fingers and breaks his trance and tells him to get his shit together and help her recruit some more members for New New New Directions.
Thanks for everything, Quinn!
Sam hops right on that. He tries to convince Spencer the Postmodern Gay to join up. Despite being a guy who was so confident in his gayness just two episodes ago that he monologued like a supervillain about how television changed his life/the world so much that he can just be who he is now and it’s no big deal, Spencer does not want to join glee club because he doesn’t want to be too gay. He feels like he can’t be a quarterback and also be a show choir guy. Sam says Finn Hudson shattered that stereotype in season one after Troy Bolton shattered it in 2006, and so Spencer says he’ll think about it for a minute. And he does. He thinks about it for a literal minute. And then he joins glee club.
The New New New Directions don’t want to change their setlist the day before Invitationals because they’ve never seen this show and don’t know how things work, but Kitty says Rachel has more talent in her pinky than they do in all their bodies combined, and so shut up and do what she says. They perform “It Must Have Been Love”/”Father Figure”/”All Out of Love” while Sue (really hilariously, actually) flashes back to all these terrible things that happened to her, like all these Republican presidential candidates losing elections and getting passed over for roles in Star Wars and Pretty Woman.
I don’t have any funny captions for these photos because they’re just amazing and insane by themselves.
She has no choice but to award New New New Directions first place because of how they touched her heart. Sam is the only person in the audience when the winners are announced.
This whole season should be about me!
YES! YES, IT SHOULD!
After the show, some guy that is older than both Mr. Schue and Puck but somehow still in Vocal Adrenaline says he’s going to get Will fired for not doing his job, which is completely fair since he spent the whole day cheering for Lima’s glee club and bitching to Rachel about how he doesn’t like any of his students because they don’t need him to be anything more than their teacher/coach. It’s like they pity him, and he just can’t have that. He’ll be the one doing the pitying, thank you very much.
Kurt and Blaine confront Sue about her fake elevator torture chamber and gaze lovingly at each other and can’t keep their hands off each other while they tell her they’re totally over each other, and that her plan backfired. She says phase two is to just straight up murder their boyfriends. She takes Becky back to her lair and looks at a calendar and promises at least six more weeks of this … whatever this is.
Me too, Sue. Me too.
Next week: Santana and Brittany are back, praise the heavens, and I think Brittany’s dad is Stephen Hawking? Also, Rachel and Sam get closer. And MERCEDES IS HOME. Riese, how did you manage to get all the Old New Directions in your episodes?!
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Klaine were, are and will be always perfect and hot.
Writers are morons, to separate this couple. When they are near each other, the passion and beauty is burning, a live fire
Oh my gosh. What a redonkulous episode. That Sue puppet is more terrifying than Jumanji.
Transphobic writers are disappointing to say the least. You are spot on about Glee making fun of people for identifying or shipping characters.
Thank you for recapping!
This is like the zaniest, most meth-fueled fan fiction I’ve ever read except it’s REAL
This is like the My Immortal of TV shows.
MY IMMORTAL!!!!!
There is an actual My Immortal web series, and I would rather watch it than any late stage Glee: http://vimeo.com/70381882
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”
Logged in so I could thumbs up this comment
YES. PERFECT description.
“Why is Glee mocking the people whose whole lives have been made so much better because they finally got to see themselves reflected on TV? I just can’t wrap my head around why you would create a thing people love and then chastise them for loving it.”
I think that the genuine emotional response of fandom really grates Murphy because it’s so open and authentic and vulnerable. Ryan Murphy, on the other hand, is a walking sneer. The man oozes contempt, and this contempt has gotten into every pore of the show. It’s the innocence which the fans so unabashedly embody that irritates him, that literally provokes him. He feels like he has to poke, taunt and bully it. I suspect these things happen when the world beats our own innocence out of us, leaving behind nothing but cynicism. So imagine walking around this empty shell of a human being; wouldn’t you want to ruin the enjoyment of everyone else who still knew how to be good and pure and true? How horrible to be on the outside looking in. So you take a stone and smash the happy picture you yourself have created, in reenactment of your own innocence being taken away from you.
It’s completely messed up. But it does make you feel some pity for the man, no? And besides, there’s the Normal Heart, which gives me hope that his heart hasn’t corroded entirely.
Well, but then there have been so many mawkishly sentimental things on this show, though! Remember Sue and Will singing to sick kids in the hospital? So he clearly wants to get an emotional response from his audience; I just don’t understand why he hates the one he gets from fandom.
(Probably, it’s because he’s the worst.)
This feels likes a staggeringly accurate description of Ryan Murphy’s relationship to glee.
Rachel referring to Unique as cross-dressing Mercedes was meant to further stretch the point that Rachel was so up in her own world and knew so little about the new New Directions that she didn’t even know that Unique was transgendered, rather than a cross-dresser. At least that’s the way I read it.
If nobody is correcting her in the show, that means that it is the show’s intent to misgender Unique with that kind of horrible “joke”.
Fair point.
This episode was ridiculous, but at least there were some genuinely funny moments. I gotta hand it to Chris Colfer and Darren Criss. They always manage to play the stupid plot lines in a way that almost makes them make sense. Plus, their chemistry was absolutely scorching. That kiss? Hot damn!
By the way, they were playing Heads Up, not Cards Against Humanity. It was pretty adorable though.
I have to wonder what it would have been like if Klaine and Brittana had been written by someone who cared more. There’s no denying the impact of the the characters, on a small scale but also on a larger one. I myself am one of those people who desperately needed them, since I was figuring out my sexuality around the same time Santana was questioning hers and Klaine was getting together. The actors are all phenomenal and the foundations were there. I just have to wonder what the hell they are doing with them now.
At least both couples will get happy endings. At least that’s guaranteed now. And I’m glad that Brittana is getting good screen time this season. With Heather and Naya only guest stars because of their own personal lives, Brittana could have just faded into the background. But they’re engaged! We’re going to see them get married! They’re having a storyline next week!
This show will always have me crawling back. I’m just going to enjoy this final season.
I actually think they’ve written Klaine pretty well. there’s like a zillion characters on this show, and I think they’re giving the two of them as much attention as anyone else.
I haven’t seen a single episode of Glee since season four and haven’t been keeping up with the plot except to read about the highly problematic directions the show has taken but the cover picture made me read this recap and I am deeply concerned
ditto
Wait we’re only ten million strong? Who did we lose?!?
Hahaha! Fair point!
Ridiculous how the props get more character development than the actual human beings on the show.
I checked Tumblr last night in regards to Kitty mentioning Faberry. Seems to be evenly split between people hyperventilating in excitement and people indignant about Murphy’s giant middle finger to the fandom. I think you did a really good job articulating the frustration surrounding the shit Murphy and the writers are dumping on some of their most dedicated fans.
My brain is split the same way
The Faberry fandom got a shout out, and I didn’t see it as a middle finger. I like Faberry and I read their fics, but there are a lot of Faberry fans that are pissed it never became canon. And that’s ridiculous. Faberry was never ever going to be canon. It’s just a fun thing to ship, and people that were waiting for it were frankly kind of delusional.
I saw it as a fun shoutout. And that’s coming from a shipper.
I didn’t see a point to acknowledging it, because I know it’s never gonna be canon. That’s why it felt like a middle finger. It felt like they were taunting us, which is not outside the realm of possibility for these writers.
I think a lot of us were upset because of the way Rachel reacted to the comment. Rachel dismissing the reference to Faberry was the show’s way of dismissing Faberrians as a whole. It’s a pretty callous way to give us the middle finger by using HALF THE COUPLING to blow it off like it’s nothing.
And next week Glee continues its Ultimate Meta Face Punch Final Season with a Brittana episode titled What The World Needs Now, as if we haven’t been telling the world what it needs for six years.
Nobody does meta filled, wacky episodes like Glee does lbr.
Also: that kiss doe *fans self*. They went at each other like a couple of dogs fighting over a steak.
“Riese, how did you manage to get all the Old New Directions in your episodes?!”
But you got the engagement episode! Although I’m glad you did because you wrote sweet meaningful things about it and I would’ve just been like “oh neat, Santana is marrying an actual idiot but they’re both girls SO I LOVE IT”
One thing I kinda liked in this episode was how Aaron Echols refused to get upset by Sue being Sue, it was really refreshing. I was like, maybe this guy will be good for this show by being the first character since Burt Hummel to refuse to get mixed up in petty bullshit and let Sue get to them.
I could not believe how much of this episode was meta, though! I mean COME ON. Even Becky calling out the dream sequence as they were watching it? Your analysis was perfect, obviously.
Oddly though a lot of this episode was kind of hilarious. But also terrible.
Upvoted before I saw the comment about Brittany…
Oh, I agree there were some genuinely hilarious moments! I actually laughed a lot as I was rewatching it! But also, it still was just roll-you-eyes-out-of-your-head-worthy with all the weird meta moments. I can’t wait to see who Brittany’s dad is! I hope it’s President Obama!
Really and truly thought that you were just making shit up, Heather. Like I genuinely thought you were just re-imagining the entire episode and then realized, no, this shit is real. Oh, glee.
As I was writing this recap, I was like, “People who aren’t caught up on this show aren’t even going to believe what I’m saying.”
I wish I was making it up!
Oh! And the other thing is, it’s kind of inspiring the way Jane Lynch is in it to win it until this show gasps its last, death-rattling breath.
I was a die-hard Glee fan until the Klaine storyline became this whole on-again-off-again let’s toy with the fandom as much as possible clusterfuck. But this recap just takes the cake…
*facepalms into the next century* What the fuck Glee? What the actual fuck?
I actually only watch this show so that I can read these recaps in context.
And this episode was ridiculous. So insane and non sequitur.
They really do hate their viewers. What an odd way to do business.
The only reason I can think of for the entire cast of Glee not collectively walking off the set with a giant middle finger aimed at Murphy at some point in the last three or four years is that he IS Sue Sylvester and has either A) drugged them all with airborn Viagra in order to maintain a raging hard-on for him, B) hypnotized them all to the point that these last few seasons are giant gaps in their memories, C) trapped them all in a fake elevator and replaced them with clones, or D) some amalgamation of the above.
im still deciding if i should restart watching glee again, i dont wanna hate watch it. It was such a special show, and by the end of last season it just made me cringe everytime i watched it. I hate “klaine”, i hate how self righteous kurts goten, and i hate how blaine gets so much attention. i hate that rachels carreer took over the show, and they just didnt know what to do with it. I hate that ryan murphys doucheness has tainted all over the show. And most of all i hate that the emotional reality of the insane glee scenario has been substituted by half ass plots, that never follow through and an incessant incoherence with the plots and characters. All that said, I heard goodd things from this last season, but Im still reticent.