So, anyhow, this week on Glee, Will decided to let the kids write their own damn songs. This resulted in some brilliant moments…
Will: Just think about it. What’s your favorite song of all time?
Brittany: My Headband.
… and some super-funny songs, like Santana’s tribute to Sam, “Trouty Mouth”…
Guppy faced, trouty mouth
Is that how people’s lips look where you come from in the south?
Grouper mouth, froggy limbs
I love sucking on those salamander lips
Wanna put a fishhook in those lips so cherry red
If you try hard enough you can suck a baby’s head
… and Puck’s “rockabilly” anthem for Lauren, “Big Ass Heart”…
via puckerman.tumblr.com
and Mercedes’ “Hell to the No.” Mercedes’ song was funny and energetic and is stuck in my head but some of those lyrics — sheesh. Can Murphy hire a racial sensitivity consultant? That exists, I think.
Quinn, who’s been ret-conned this episode all the way back into the icy bitch she was in the first season, is on the prowl to hook Finn and secure their spot as Prom King & Queen. This results in her being a total douche to Rachel, who’s supposed to be her songwriting partner.
But when she reveals her reasoning, which may or may not be genuine, there’s something remarkably sad and honest about it —
Quinn: Do you wanna know how this story plays out? I get Finn, you get heartbroken, and then Finn and I will stay here and start a family. I’ll become a successful real estate agent, and Finn will take over Kurt’s dad’s tire shop. You don’t belong here, Rachel. And you can’t hate me for helping to send you on your way.
Well — she can — but Quinn is right. Rachel Berry will move to New York City, where she’ll stand on a chair and touch herself while singing about her Mama Who Bore Her and pretty much be able to date whomever she wants, at which point she’ll remember Finn as that simple-minded super-tall earnest football player she crushed on in high school.
Rachel says she’s not giving up on Finn — it is high school, after all, foresight is never a teenager’s strong suit — and will also be writing her own song. She leaves crying, which makes me cry AGAIN.
I pretty much waited the entire episode for Brittany’s song to Santana so I’m going to SPOILER ALERT you right now and tell you it didn’t happen. NO SUCH THANG. I was counting down every last second, thinking “is 21 seconds enough time for a reconciliation”? Etc.
Off to Regionals, the mega-competitive super-important event which separates the wheat from the chaff by bringing together no more than three glee clubs to perform for an eccentric panel of judges who know nothing about anything.
Rachel’s ballad:
The Glee Club’s song about Sue Sylvester:
Between “Loser Like Me,” Kurt & Blaine’s Duet, and the Warblers rendition of P!nk’s gay marriage anthem “Raise Your Glass,” I’m surprised this program somehow got onto Fox instead of Logo. It’s kinda kickass.
At one point, the entire audience gets involved in an auditorium-wide tribute to fingerblasting! I mean how gay is that:
The judging panel addresses even MOAR gay shit head-on and I know we’re all supposed to pee in our pants with excitement about Kathy Griffin playing Sarah Palin in this scene…
…but hello nobody told me Loretta Devine was guesting. Her character — an exotic dancer-turned-nun — would be an excellent addition to McKinley’s faculty, and I’m not just saying that because I’m obsessed with Sister Act.
Oh also, New Directions wins, which means they’re going to Nationals, I can only pray that it’s half as good as Bring it On Again.
This photo is a perfect example of how Brittany consistently sells it in every single number and everyone else just sorta tries to not trip over their own feet.
+
The Warblers lose, but that’s okay, because Kurt & Blaine have each other:
I cry again at the end when Rachel gets all humble and thanks the team for singing with her. See people this is what we call a “character arc.” Maybe Quinn can have her’s back in April?
“First of all, I just wanna say how amazing the song you guys wrote was. I was so inspired. You know, it’s funny, I’ve won alot of trophies before for singing competitions and dancing competitions, but I’ve always felt like the girl who never gets the brass ring. And maybe I never will but today and at Regionals, the way you guys believed in me and took a chance with me. All I’ve ever wanted was to feel special and to feel chosen and I just, um, I wanted to thank you guys so much for giving me that. That’s all.”
via gleeky.tumblr.com
Glee returns to your teevees in a month:
Download:
+ Loser Like Me (Glee Cast Version) – Single – Glee Cast
+ Get It Right (Glee Cast Version) – Single – Glee Cast
+ Blackbird (Glee Cast Version) – Single – Glee Cast
+ Raise Your Glass (Glee Cast Version) – Single – Glee Cast
+ Hell to the No (Glee Cast Version) – Single – Glee Cast
+ Candles (Glee Cast Version) – Single – Glee Cast
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YAY RECAP.
YAY GAY!
Boo on not so much Brittana, but I like your breakdown of Santana’s return to bitchdom. I was really disappointed with Quinn’s character rewind until her speech about how Rachel will leave and be something, while Q only expects to stay and become a real-estate agent and marry Finn…Heartbreaking and realistic.
And nice video at the end! Love how Naya is all “Woo yeah Brittana!” and whathisface is all “wafflewafflewaffle”.
I think Kathy Griffin’s character was supposed to be more Christine O’Donnel than Sarah Palin.
And UGH I can’t believe we have to wait four weeks for more Glee.
“I am not a witch” I thought that would give it away…
Yeah, I keep getting confused when people call her Sarah Palin. Um, no?
So, basically, Naya Rivera’s great idea for Britanna’s future is pregnant lesbian spin-off? I hope there’s someway to copyright that shit before IFC gets her dirty hands on some of that.
Also, comments on Santana’s favorite song? She should try to be more subtle about these things..
more than a little disappointed with how quinn’s character has pretty much switched back all the way to season one- but let’s face it, i couldn’t have been the only one incredibly happy about dianna agron speaking for extended lengths of time. i’m just saying.
blaine/kurt! santana’s feelings! finn’s confused facial expressions! this has definitely been a quality episode.
Dianna Agron’s voice makes me tingly.
she perpetually sounds as though she’s just finished a wild round of sunday morning sex. if we were all in “but i’m a cheerleader,” her voice in this episode would have been what prompted me to get up and scream I’M A HOMOSEXUAL to everyone in our little queer circle.
yes to this
That is a very apt description…I tried to think of my own but only got as far as UNF.
seriously I have a thing for certain voices and Dianna Agron’s IS IT.
There was this brief period of time after she had finished filming “I am Number Four ” and was dating Alex Pettyfer where she had started picking up on his British accent. After listening to her speak in a semi-British accent, I think I was close to needing a change of pants.
if you have video/audio of this, i will be forever indebted to your service. also seconding the need of new pants, but it’s dianna agron, so we all can’t help but be in the same boat there.
I hate glee right now, for reminding me how much I freaking want to be kissing someone right now.
agreed.
Is no one else wondering if New Directions is going to find out that they may have only beat the Warblers because they seemed so gay to Kathy Griffin? That sounds like an awesome/sad conversation to me.
Also, thanks for these recaps, because not only do I not know anyone who watches it, but on the contrary I have several friends who make fun of me on a regular basis. They have no souls, resultantly.
I expected to cringe through the original songs, but they were all pretty funny and well done. I also love when Kurt stands up and screams during Loser Like Me. So cute!
i know, i was like ew gross original songs but they were fun! lea’s ballad to me sounds a lot like this one britney spears song that i can’t put my fingers on. anyhow it was solid pop music, and I CANNOT GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD
“Everytime”?
That’s what it reminded me of anyway. And I was so very confused at how much I didn’t hate the original songs. I had all kinds of insults lined up :(
Brittany’s line about the dirt in her locker was hilarious.
Haha yes! That’s the Brittany I love.
“Except one of them was in the UK, where everyone is drunk and a communist and happier than we are, so you know.”
Except for the drunk part, totally. xD
I actually felt that quote was a pretty damn perfect analysis of our culture :)
Is Mercedes the Kit of Glee? Has she said “baby girl” yet?? Maybe she’s Kit’s niece or long lost daughter she abandoned when she was getting shit faced and high and at some point Kit will show up and then Mercedes will go visit her auntie Bette on her new show in Chicago during sweeps. And while she’s there Bette, in her new position as police chief, will finally solve the mystery of who killed Jenny and somehow Shane will hook up with Santana. Cause if Puck can fuck some MILF’s then Shane/Santana shouldn’t be so weird/illegal.
Why is this not on my TV?!
SO APT.
We need a Kit/Mercedes mashup.
Riese has a priceless talent for writing things that I love to read. That is all.
Trouty Mouth was the best thing to happen all episode. I wish they let her sing the new verses she wrote afterwards. :(
Trouty Mouth was definitely a highlight, damn that was a hilarious song
I think I heard a rumor Trouty Mouth is on iTunes? Therefore it might have the extra verses…
the reason brittany sells it in every number is because heather morris is a dancer and used to dance back-up for Beyonce in her Single Lady Tour…which in my opinion makes her THAT much hotter!! =)
During the Sectionals episode all I could think about was how *ahem* flexible *ahem* she was.
yeah i know, that’s why i was pointing out her superiority. i feel like i didn’t pay any attention to the dancers besides mike chang or whatever until i found out that heather morris was a real dancer and now i’m trailing her with my eyes every scene
Yeah, I’ve found myself watching HeMo’s every move too. It’s like she can’t NOT go all out and just give in to the music, it’s intoxicating.
And even though Brittany didn’t get to sing to Santana this week, when they come back from break maybe she’ll sing “Someday We’ll Be Together” by Ms. Ross and the Supremes. The lyrics seem apt for the situation:
Long time ago
Now, now sweet thing
I made a big mistake, honey (oh, baby)
I (say it) said, I said goodbye
Oh, oh baby
Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever since that day
Now, now all I, all I wanna do is cry, cry, cry
Hey, hey, hey (oh, dear honey)
I long for you every, every night
Just to kiss your sweet, sweet lips, baby
Hold you ever, ever so tight
And I wanna say (say it)
Someday we’ll be together
Yeah I’m a Motown fan, so sue me :0)
Somebody needs to make an invention that lets us go into riese’s mind, I seriously want to visit her vision of the future.
*version. I obviously need to work on my self-checking…
Although I have to also say that I’m disappointed by Santana’s line about Artie. I agree that it’s a pretty accurate thing for a high schooler with a lot of hurt feelings to say, but it makes me sad that the past few episodes have been so (SO SO!!1!) good with queer visibility, but this episode also gave us a nasty slur about the sole character with disabilities and yet more references to both Mercedes and Lauren being fat. If the show had, overall, done a better job portraying disabilities, then I wouldn’t find the line nearly upsetting. Oh Glee, so close and yet so far, as always.
Glee is a good reminder that just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you’re incapable of writing problematic shit about gender, race, disability, etc.
riese!
i think we need to start the “Loretta Devine outshines the sun and everyone else in any scene she’s in” club.
me and my bro like gagged when she popped up.
Also, YESSSS and thank you. So now they have a plusser sized girl on Glee and Mercedes gets to play back up black girl to the rest of the cast.
shit is wak!
no fair! and that song shoulda just been called “Hell to the No I ain’t singing this unless you get Jill Scott in here to write me some damn lyrics.”
girl, i wanna hug you for this recap.
My dream is that the theme song to ANTM is a hit single and that whenever it comes on everybody does crazy fierce model walks all over the place so that clubs will look like my living room does when I watch ANTM marathons on oxygen.
I hate to nitpick but the expression is wheat from the *chaff*, chaff being bits of straw and wheat kernel shells and things that you have to separate from the wheat kernel before you can grind it into flour. Yes, I am both a hick and a grammar nazi.
Thanks for this, it was bugging me too. I think I learned about chaff from reading Laura Ingalls Wilder books when I was a kid.
this actually caught my eye too; i’m glad i’m not the only one who noticed!
last comment: …their bookbags? i like them. but geesh, the glee writers are hell bent on making brit/santans look like 1995
Were you a psych major or something? But I love your breakdown and all your recaps. They’re hilarious!
Rachel needs to get over Finn.
Naya Rivera needs to always be singing.
Heather Morris needs to always be dancing.
Also:
“Never make yourself vulnerable. One must keep the upper hand, one must have complete control, one must relish in the power of being the one less in love. Failing all that, one must at least APPEAR to have the upper hand/control/be less in love.”
Riese I feel like maybe you were living in my head in high school, jussayin.
Your play by play analysis of the Brittany and Santana conversation was perfection. I love these recaps.
I was in a viola lesson when you posted this.
1st song stuck in my head of the day:
“you wanna be on top?
tan tan tan tan-tan tan tan tan tan-tan
naaa-na na na naa na
naaa-na na na naa na
you wanna be on top?”
This is lol. It is also stuck in my head now, too.
The Klaine kiss was pretty much the hottest kiss I’ve ever seen on television, ever. Ever ever ever. I still can’t believe how legit it was and not like “aww yay *peck*”
Fantastic recap as always, thank you riese.
I couldn’t have been happier for Kurt and Blaine. i just hope the writers don’t screw that one up.
Quinn may be a snotty bit&*, but she is right. Rachel is too big for that “settle down” life.
And I am totally over the Lauren/Puck thing. Boring. Move on.
Hey Riese,
So you know, Lea Michele…her and Dianna Agron? Any knowledge/thoughts on the subject? Sharing is caring.
This only just aired in NZ. I was so happy, I squealed. My entirely family was in shock, it was hilarious. To quote my little sister: “Boys are KISSING?! Why are boys KISSING?” I just told her they were in love, and she was like, oh, I get it, and kept watching. I love my little sister.
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Haha whoever u r, I think I love u! ;) that was the most fabulous recap ever! Haha. Especially the Santana/Brittany bit! <3