In 2010, geeky films are gonna rock your box office and we’re here to tell you about them. While we may lack any kind of formal explanation for what precisely makes a film geekgasmic, we just have a feeling that your sexy nerdy crush object won’t complain when you take her on a date to Kick-ass.
Some of these films, like Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland and Disney’s Oceans, will stuff you full of eye-candy. Some, like Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows of course, will have to score some major Shaun White airtime to vault over the anticipatory expectations you’ve been building up since the last one.
We’ve covered a lot of ground with these films: adaptations & sequels, comic geeky, tech geeky, sci-fi geeky, lit geeky — it’s like Baskin-Robbins but with YouTube instead of tiny pink spoons. There’s a little something for everyone. Except maybe your annoying friend from work who already has her Robert Pattinson Remember Me screensaver in rotation with Sex and the City 2.
What are you most excited about this year?
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THE CRAZIES
Release Date: February 26th
If you’ve got a soft spot for movies about epidemics, you‘ll probably love this. A waterborne toxin infects a small town, and just like violence and sex on TV, it immediately makes everyone an insane murderer. If that wasn’t bad enough, the military is killing people on the spot. Although the plot is well-tread, The Crazies looks well shot and totally worth a try.
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ALICE IN WONDERLAND
Release Date: March 5th
Tim Burton is inarguably a genius. And he knows exactly what people want out of an adaptation but won’t compromise his artistic viewpoint in order to provide it. Happily, Alice in Wonderland isn’t going to be a retelling of a story you’ve already seen- as this film takes place ten years after Alice first visits Wonderland. Burton crafted this retelling to “feel more like a story as opposed to a series of events.” Don’t miss this in 3D- Alice in Wonderland looks to live up to the trippiness of the promo posters!
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CLASH OF THE TITANS
Release Date: April 2nd
This looks amazing. Pretty hetero and male, but great nonetheless. Clash of the Titans stars everyone’s favorite tribal wannabe, Avatar’s Sam Worthington, but it isn’t about blue cat people this time around. But you’ll still be able to get stoned and watch it in 3-D (which is clearly all anyone cares about anymore).The graphics seem pretty fantastic, and the visual representations of Medusa and the Kraken are super modern and interesting. The plot’s a little unclear at this point, but if you read D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek Myths or took Latin, I’m under the impression it won’t match up with your memory. Go see it anyway, you pretentious jerks!
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KICK-ASS
Release Date: April 16th
Did you ever wish you were a super hero? Kick-Ass is about a kid who decides to stops wishing and starts doing. Apparently, this geeky boy is really good at kicking ass. I’m a geek and I kick ass so I can really relate here. He eventually teams up with another super hero who picked a much less cool name- Big Daddy, which sounds less like a dude looking for criminals and more like a dude looking on Craigslist, though I’m sure there’s a Venn diagram begging to be made here. Big Daddy’s young daughter, whose superhero name is Hit-Girl, is gonna make a lot of girls realize they’re gay. Her character uses the word “cunt” which of course caused an uproar as soon as various “pro-family” groups caught wind of that. While I generally like anything that makes neo-cons angry, I’m not sure I’m going to love this Kick-Ass. It seems a lot like Superbad, but I think it’s still worth a chance. You can always check out the comic if it’s a flop.
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NEXT:
Oceans, Iron Man, Prince of Persia, Harry Potter, Tron Legacy & more…
OCEANS
Release Date: April 22nd
If Disney’s Oceans is anything like the sea-centric segments of Planet Earth, it will be FUCKING AWESOME. Even if you don’t care about nature or the environment, you’ll like this. There’s crazy shit in the ocean! Alert! You‘ll be committing a crime against your own intelligence and dopamine receptors if you don‘t see this. Oceans will entertain you, freak you out and totally blow your mind. Not convinced? Get cozy with Planet Earth for a semi-sneak preview. Oceans is gonna be awesome edu-crack for your eyes. And you’ll need something down to earth after that Tim Burton acid trip.
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IRON MAN II
Release Date: May 7th
I didn‘t see the first Iron Man movie when it first came out and probably wouldn’t have if not for writing this preview. I think you could probably watch and understand Iron Man II without seeing the first, but the first really is pretty damn good for a movie with basically only dudes wearing metal in it. In Iron Man II, the billionaire Tony Stark who invented unprecedented armored suit technology in Iron Man I, fights to keep his invention in his own possession. The government, the press and basically everyone else wants him to turn it over to the government.
Beyond the premise, the rest of the plot doesn’t look very predictable. The villian Whiplash somehow enters the story and he seems like a super-asshole, and not just because he weirdly reminds me of jumping rope and hating gym class. While the plot remains a partial mystery, we do know that Scarlett Johannson is playing a Russian super spy named Black Widow and her costume is skin tight. So, yeah. What else do you need to know?
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PRINCE OF PERSIA
Release Date: May 28th
Personally, I’m really uncoordinated when it comes to video games, but I love watching people play them. Prince of Persia is based off the video game of the same name, so I’m guessing this is going to be a bit like watching someone play it, except with real people on the screen and they don‘t fuck up and you don‘t have to read cheats or a walkthrough for them. A nobleman of Ancient Persia holds a gift from the gods called the Sands of Time, which has the power to not only control time, but to unleash a sweet killer sandstorm. The adopted prince teams up with a (very attractive) princess in order to rescue the Sands of Time and save the world or some such business. And Jake Gyllenhaal pretends to be Iranian, I think. Sounds entertaining enough!
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THE LAST AIRBENDER
Release Date: July 2nd
Yeah, Avatar: The Last Airbender is a kids’ show, but give this movie a chance. It’s directed my M. Night Shyamalan, so there‘s really a good chance it‘ll be awesome for a PG movie. The show was actually really cool, and unlike 2009’s Avatar, I think I‘ll actually love the shit out of this movie. Aang, as the title suggests, is the last Airbender. And while he looks 12, he‘s been frozen for 100 years. Then the last Waterbender, Katara, and her young warrior brother wake him from his epic power-nap. Long thought dead, the fate of the world suddenly relies on Aang’s ability to master all of the elements. The world he once knew has changed, and he must try to restore peace while retracing his steps, kind of like following a trail of bread crumbs. While I think it’s weird that there are so few Asian actors, I’m pumped for The Last Airbender- especially the martial arts! That shit is hot.
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HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS (Part 1)
Release Date: November 19th (Part 2 due out July 15th, 2011)
While I’ve grown a little less excited about the Harry Potter movies as each hits the theaters, my Chosen One interest is piqued again by the release of The Deathly Hallows. First of all, this marks the true beginning of the epic, two part end. Hopefully, this means they’re tying up loose ends in a neat way and/or finding ways to fix all the things they messed up by leaving out details in the past. Another difference is that the 3D release will have dimensional effects throughout the entire movie. This movie won’t take place at Hogwarts- it’s going to be a completely different game and we’ll be able to see the characters in a completely different environment. Probably due to this change of setting, David Yates decided to shoot “with loads of hand-held cameras”. I think that the long sweeping shots were a great asset to the previous HP films, so I hope they won’t be too sparse in these final two. Still need convincing? Emma Watson becomes more and more of a babe as time goes on. Even my straight friends agree. If you’ve been following the Harry Potter books/films- I‘m sure you‘re already going. If you haven’t, you can catch up with the movies in a day and you have all year.
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CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER
Release Date: December 10th
The Narnia series may be religious propaganda, but propaganda has never gone down so easy. Narnia scores points for its good-natured, warmhearted vibe and good intentions. If you aren’t the prayin’ sort, you can ignore the overtones entirely and enjoy the books and movies as simple fantasy classics. Hell, impose your own non-religious allegorical interpretations on them!
It bodes well that so far the creators haven’t butchered the the adaptations of C.S. Lewis’ classics. The Dawn Treader is the third and final film adaptation, (as far as anyone knows), though it is based off the fifth book in Lewis’ series. Voyage of the Dawn Treader follows only Edmund, Lucy and their cousin Eustace (Eustace?!). They join Prince Caspian aboard – you guessed it- the Dawn Treader, and they must sail to the end of the earth to save Narnia from being completely destroyed. All of the Narnia films are worth your time, and the books are quick, enjoyable reads. And if you’re lazy or illiterate and want to catch up before Dawn Treader, there’s a full cast, soundscaped audio version.
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TRON LEGACY
Release Date: December 17th
Tron Legacy is a sequel to a 1982 film called simply “Tron,” which apparently had a cult following of some sort. Unfortunately for this preview, I was neither a member of the cult following nor the group of people who’ve seen it. Anyway, let’s cut to the chase. Olivia Wilde’s in the film, and she’s super hot. And like Iron Man II, thankfully, this Tron Legacy involves skintight suits. And the Tron world involves something called “Disc Wars,” which reminds me of Pogs, so that‘s a major seller for me. Let’s be honest, I don’t know what this is about, but Daft Punk did the soundtrack… and pogs! Whatever, watch the trailer!
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GREEN HORNET
Release Date: December 22nd
Based on the Green Hornet character from TV and radio, this might rock or totally totally blow. There just isn’t a lot of information available as of yet. The Green Hornet, Britt Reid in normal everyday non super-life, belongs to a class of superhero who lacks powers, a la Batman. And he catches criminals through sting operations. How Gotham of him!
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Does anyone know if the new Clash of the Titans coming out is a remake of this one from 1981? I basically grew up on this film and am so excited for a remake omg.
Awesome list you guys! Riese and I never see movies ever but we will be first in line on opening night for Alice in Wonderland fo reals.
Yes, it is! But according to the rumors on the internet, they’re changing a lot about the plot.
I’m just excited about the Kraken. I loved the 1981 version. And professor Mcgonagall was there so that’s always a plus.
I love the 80s version! Harryhausen stop-motion animation rocks, I could watch sinbad films forever!
I did not know about the Narnia movie and now I’m ridiculously exited.
i know! me neither- dawn treader was my #1 fave narnia book! isn’t there some crazy island with gnomes who hop around on one foot or some shit? amazing. thanks morgan!
M. Night Shyamalan has struck out so much in the past few years with The Village, Signs, and Lady in the Water, so I’m hoping The Last Airbender will return to his day(s) of glory.
Ditto! Shymalan also went after this- he really had big ideas for it, and that says a lot about how awesome this could potentially be.
HAHA!!! I just want to point out that it’s Robert Pattinson, not Robert Patterson, and go you for not knowing the difference, because I neither label myself a fan nor wish to know his face much less his last name.
thanks! we prob never would have caught it otherwise, hilariously.
Even though most of the HP movies have disappointed me.. I enjoy them in their own way. I cannot help but be incredibly excited for Deathly Hallows (and really sad).
So stoked about Alice in Wonderland. For some reason I loved Iron Man, so I hope the second one is good. I am a sucker for nature films, especially marine ones. I remember the first time I saw “Deep Sea 3D” in the IMAX at Navy Pier – best day ever! Lastly, I just might see Clash of the Titans; I love mythology.
I agree with you, on liking the HP movies in their own way. I like them, just separately from the books. I’ve gone to EVERY midnight showing, and this one won’t be different!
I’m happy you liked so many of the movie picks! I really think you’ll like Clash of the Titans, and check out D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek Myths, it’s a super classic and has the cutest/weirdest illustrations!
Haha, aw. I’ve only been to one of the midnight showings, but it was an amazing experience. I’ll for sure go for DH. But yes, they definitely have to be looked at separately from the books.. otherwise I get too emotional about the representation and it just ruins everything.
I will check out that book! Thanks. :)
Things that I love: lists, movies, and lesbians. This has all three! Yeeessssss!
I cannot wait for Alice in Wonderland. I’m anticipating an orgasm that lasts the duration of the movie.
Also, I totes thought it was “Allison Wonderland” when I was little.
that’s real adorable.
I always thought touche (accent egu over the e) was like “too shay.” sadly, it took me 3 years of french and scouring the dictionary for the word “shay” to figure that one out…
I thought Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were three people instead of two. These are fun! To the Autostraddle powers that be: Can you make a list of these? :)
I just found out that there’s a word for all of these mishearings – mondegreen.
I love how the english language has a word for everything. Except schadenfreude.
my friend thought it was “donserlee light” instead of “oh say can you see by the dawn’s early light” and that donserlee meant pretty.
it sounds like it would mean pretty.
i STILL haven’t seen the chronicles of narnia and i need to get on that! but i am beyond excited for iron man 2 and harry potter.
omg I haven’t even started to think about what the midnight showings will be like for Deathly Hallows…super excited/incredibly sad. (also yay Narnia, Alice, and OCEAN)
I can’t even decide which one of these I am more excited for.
Harry Potter is probably going to make me cry from the minute they start showing tv spots for it all the way up until I watch the second part on DVD. Obviously, I have a lot of feelings about Harry Potter and am going to be doing a lot of crying.
I loved the first Narnia soo much but was underwhelmed by Prince Caspian. I didn’t know they were doing another one, but my excitement over magical creatures has been rekindled and I really hope this upcoming one does not disappoint.
the pessimist/horndog in me dislikes the Prince of Persia movie on the basis that it’s essentially pulling an IFC and getting rid of Farah, the polygon Carmen. I kid you not: http://www.pixelkill.com/wp-content/farah.jpg). i totes had that picture tucked away in my Lisa Frank folder back in the day, nbd.
whoops, link fail
http://www.pixelkill.com/wp-content/farah.jpg
where are you from southpaw? SORRY BUT NOT GETTING YOUR PESSIMIST/HORNDOG LINK. please inlighten me! thanks.london thomas*
damn, this is so sad! that lady is mega hot.
Can. Not. Wait. For Alice in Wonderland!
I think you might have embedded the Iron Man 2 trailer twice — the second time under Prince of Persia.
Haha, thank you for being so vigilant. I’m gonna go find a way to fix this.
Watching “Earth” drunk was defo one of the top ten most intense experiences of my life, and possibly I am looking forward to Oceans more than anything else. Ever. HELLOOOOOOO DOLPHINS
ancient cultures knew what was up.
substances + nature = good times.
Oh my, you guys… I’m trying to halt my excessive-movie-going addiction. I went between 30 & 40 times last year; I clearly do not have the time/money for this. Now you throw all of these awesome movies at me! At least they give me lots of free popcorn and tickets right? That’s justification… Right?
30-40?! i’m envious. what is this “free popcorn and tickets” business?
AMC has this fancy MovieWatcher card thing, every time you go you get points. For every 5 movies you see you get a free small popcorn or drink. Every 15 is a ticket or large popcorn & drink. Plus they have free popcorn every Wednesday & $5 weekday tickets. P.S. If you go with your friends/a hot date, let them swipe the card, gets more points. It’s quite sad that I know all of this… #nerdshame
#nerdshame?! more like #nerdwin!
I do not see movies because they are expensive but this year I will see: Harry Potter. Also I’ll probably say that I want to see Alice and Wonderland but never actually go see it.
pirate them! if a movie is in the theaters their profits are such that no guilt is neccessary.
when avatar the blue people movie was first announced i thought it was a movie version of aang the last airbender, and so i went around asking ‘is it the one about aang?’ and no one knew what i was talking about. and i don’t even watch avatar: the last airbender.
super excited for alice in wonderland, i had an audiotape kid’s version when i was little complete with songs and dramatic voices so i have high hopes for this movie.
I thought so too about Avatar! Everyone was raving about it and I got really confused. “That Last Airbender movie is out? It’s done ALREADY? And people LIKED it? I thought they were complaining about the race of the actors… o_O”
I had the same confusion over the whole “Avatar” thing. I rarely watch the tv show but I am looking forward to The Last Airbender nonetheless (Dev Patel ftw).
Also, if Avatar wins best picture I will KILL Hollywood.
I still get irrationally excited about the Harry Potter movies even though I’m always disappointed with the end result. (Dementors don’t fly, they just don’t.) In keeping with tradition, I’ll be there early again on opening night with my younger sister, who’s nice enough to turn down all her megafan friends and see it with me instead since all my friends are losers by not reading Harry Potter. And by the looks of it, I’m in the same boat with Alice in Wonderland, too.
Hmm, just saw the full trailer – Sam Worthington as Perseus? Interesting choice there. I’ll still see Clash of the Titans, which my friends know all about, even though I am a “pretentious jerk” and often I feel it’s my duty to watch these movies. Well, it can’t be worse than Alexander.
So. Excited.
Alice in Wonderland looks exciting. I still haven’t seen the latest Harry Potter for some reason.