FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: What Are You Bringing To The Apocalypse?

What’s up homies, I want to talk to you about a super chill subject (like I always do) this good Friday: the apocalypse. Stay with me here (I say this a lot, don’t I? Mean it every time though)! After getting strep throat like two weeks ago, the first time in a literal decade, I got really existential which always happens when my physical health goes down even -5 health points. But instead of having my moment where I’m like we’re doomed for Hunger Games what’s the point anymore!!!?, after reading a bit of Care Work by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha and clutching They Can’t Kill Us Until They Kill Us by Hanif Abdurraqib and really looking at how we’re already loving one another, my body turned towards okay, none of us can survive alone, we got to take care of each other, which is the root of all the work we’re doing already, what will that work look like when I can’t imagine what the world looks like? and if we are robbed of everything but each other, how will we care for one another?

So here’s my list of what I’m bringing to the apocalypse:

  • storytelling
  • humor
  • empathy
  • emotional labor
  • the butch quality of somehow carrying everyone’s stuff because I want to be helpful
  • the reminder that screaming into the face of the void is one of the best ways to cope
  • not greatly sung but still amusing musical renditions (In The Heights is my go-to best)
  • vague carpentry/toolmaking/repair skills
  • finally my autistic trait of special interest to entertain and inform the masses
  • tbh I’m really good at hugs (editor’s note: this is true and correct)
  • due to my inability to really focus on a set thing, I can sew and crochet (so we getting clothes and blankets in this bitch, they won’t be pretty but they’ll be functional) and do some art and cook? all of these I’m a jack of, not a king so like results may vary
  • I can play some instruments so more entertainment possibly
  • I’m good with animals!!!
  • I’ve never been good with plants inside but I love the outside and I believe that this is low-key also my calling
  • I can actually be athletic when I put my mind to it and I always turn into a Butch Hulk whenever someone is in need so I’m not saying I’ll be able to carry you up a mountain but if you really need me, I’m also not saying I *won’t* be able to carry you up that mountain

(And! This list is always growing, because I’m always growing! Amazing!)

Please add what you’ll bring to the apocalypse cause they (The Man, white supremacy, cisheteropatriarchy, the rich, etc.) tryin to bring us down but we won’t let them! They can’t and won’t survive but we will!

It’s cool if you’re not feeling my apocalyptic-realistic-optimisim chic, I still want to hear how you’re doing! Cause my friends, I’m here for all the gossip all the news all the stray wonderings you’re gonna slide into these comments! I can’t wait to chill this weekend with you so get on in here!

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A. Tony Jerome

A.Tony is a black nonbinary artist out here to do good and to do gay. They are a 2015 Pink Door Fellow, 2016 Lambda Literary Emerging Writer Fellow, 2020-21 Afro Urban Arts Lit From the Black! Fellow, and have worked with Roots.Wounds.Words., Words Beats & Life, and Winter Tangerine among other places. You can find more of their work on their website and listen to them scream about poetry & other interests on Twitter.

A. has written 47 articles for us.

129 Comments

  2. Funny story, I’ve been actively trying to learn post-apocalyptic skills recently and my toolbox now includes:

    – riding horses! So I can go places fast I guess?
    – some gardening/farming knowledge, please let me work on our future communal queer permaculture organic farm
    – kissing babies
    – I can sing decently
    – I helped a cat give birth once

    • i was not prepared to go from singing decently to helping a cat give birth and this just goes to show that you contain multitudes and im very excited about this

      I WANT TO FARM SO BADLY i have no idea where to begin i just want this communal queer permaculture organic farm right now like right right now

      • ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO
        A queer permaculture farm/commune is very much my dream and my community organizer background is 100% up for coordinating all the things to make this happen.
        I live in Oregon as of a year ago and love it here and the weather is v good for farming, if I do say so myself.

  3. So I actually worry about this because I 1) have a chronic pain disorder so I get burnt out easily/can’t run 2) am a gluten free vegan, 3) need large amounts of people free time to destress/unwind/chill BUT I’ve started rage rollerblading (it’s where you hear the news and then go rollerblade till your brain stops thinking about abortion/men/racial injustice/babies in cages/etc etc etc and only thinks about breathing and not dying) and that has given me time to think that I’d actually probably be decent in an apocalypse…so my skills would be:

    1) information superhero (I’m a librarian in training!): I’m boss at research and finding stuff out and helping other people find stuff out
    2) empathy and people skills: I’m real good at relating to people, getting them to like me, helping people stay calm in tough situations
    3) good with animals!
    4) I always have snacks! Granola bars, cups of fruit, yogurt…I’m set, which means we’re all set
    5) I’m a spoonie so I know how to conserve energy!
    6) I’m oddly good with kids, especially babies
    7) I can make people laugh, especially when shit is hitting the fan!

    Let’s go, pals!

    • I just this morning gave a lecture about how to do evidence-based practice, which included the line “having a librarian to help you is like having an information-finding superhero in your back pocket.” Clearly I was channeling something.

      Then afterwards I was talking to one of the people there who was like “I have librarians! I have TWO! They are so awesome!” So, you know, you’re appreciated.

    • RAGE ROLLERBLADING SOUNDS AMAZING i used to very shakily rollerblad so to even imagine RAGE behind it??? youre a superhero basically and please dont worry cause we’re here for each other and like lilo reminds us in the cinematic classic, lilo and stitch, ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind youre not getting left behind

      LIBRARIAN IN TRAINING YOURE LIVING THE DREAM

    • Multiple horse riders in this thread, and estrogen can be processed from pregnant horse urine so clearly we’d have need of a herd, you’re good with animals therefore if you can’t run we could put you on a horse.
      Heck you could a handler for milking mares cuz to that requires two people one to handle the foal and one to get in there quick before the mare knows what’s up and clams up so to speak.

      And always in a group childminders are needed.

      Being a librarian in training I bet you can read fast which is good thing when reading time is limited by the sun and we need how-to books.

  4. “I always turn into a Butch Hulk whenever someone is in need so I’m not saying I’ll be able to carry you up a mountain but if you really need me, I’m also not saying I *won’t* be able to carry you up that mountain”

    I LOVE THIS

    Hmmm what are my apocalypse skills? I am really good at taking care of tiny children. Like, REALLY good at it. Two year-olds are my fave age, which is great because it’s the age a lot of other people can’t stand! I can balance twin infants on my hips while dancing (I had a lot of practice at my very first job), I definitely remember what it felt like to be three (the INNATE sense of JUSTICE FOR ONESELF is so powerful, it’s glorious), and I won’t tire of playing games with your four year-old!

    I also like to sing. I’m great at boundaries. I try very hard to be kind! And I can walk all day long.

  5. I misunderstood this as what item/person/tangible entity are you bringing to the apocalypse, and I was going to say my therapist.

    Since apparently I can only bring my skills, I’ll bring my unusually calm demeanor in anxiety-provoking situations (I say unusually because I have an anxiety disorder). I’ll also bring my knowledge of musical theatre, so we can all sing showtunes.

    • With all the manual labor your song knowledge will be vital to morale. Also songs could be used to convey coded messages or warnings. Like what play it’s from implies be on guard and which song how much on guard we should be.

    • okay but youre more than welcome to bring your therapist

      SHOWTUNES ARE ABSOLUTELY PERTINENT TO OUR SURVIVAL/THRIVING SO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING THIS

  6. i love all these answers already!

    briefly, i am bringing:

    – kindness
    – the ability to change a diaper without stressing at all
    – gardening skills
    – the ability to split wood with an axe
    – encouragement
    – a high sex drive even in times of duress
    – capricorn logistics & planning skills
    – stories
    – love

    <3

      • can i just start saying this

        person: “IM SO READY FOR TODAY!”

        me: same except opposite

        like this is a perfect sentence

    • VANESSA I JUST NOTICED “a high sex drive even in times of duress” and all of these are fantastic im glad you are able to cover these bases we are very much in need of these

  7. 1 I do that hulk thing too. And I’m really short/afab/child size so people don’t expect it
    2 Zombie fighting, long story
    3 I’m a writer so I could turn my hand to song writing or oral poetry or something
    4 Same with my art, I could use my art to make things
    5 I’m getting good at gardening
    6 I’m teetotal which means I’d usually have a clear head and the rest of you can have my share of the drinks

    • Also (surprisingly for an aspie) I’m really good at talking to unusual artsy type queer type people.

    • i love these and also can i hear the long story about why youre bringing zombie fighting (i fully support this btw)

      • Basically I come from somewhere where which soccer team you support says a lot about you, your background etc. I’m in the extreme minority in terms of team and descent there and I’m basically ‘famous’ esp since I’ve been dressing/cutting my hair like a boy/using a ‘boy’ name on and off since I was 7 and it’s a conservative town.

        People stereotype me based on my team both rightly (I’m of Irish descent and they use words which mean Irish in the north of Ireland – things which are really offensive and have led to murders there – tell me to go back to Ireland, talk about how people of Irish descent are trouble/thieves and make jokes about the famine) and wrongly (seriously I’m a non binary bisexual feminist and they think I’m Catholic! Part of that is cos they put the church window in in my home town and I said ‘that’s messed up’ because it is).

        When I’m masc presenting I get ‘banter’ which isn’t really ‘banter’ from guys who tend to be in groups and or stronger than me (to the extreme of it starting when I was 12 from adults): I get death threats (from a grown man when I was 12! I passed as a boy but I don’t care, don’t intimidate kids of any gender! He also used to push me about physically) and things like that. But I keep going, keep doing what I want and don’t back away from living life how I want to.

        In order to do that safely, I’ve learnt self defence and judo and when it’s just verbal I answer back because I’m not going to be intimidated like I was when I was younger. It’s always best to not fight but it’s also best to have a back up plan rather than getting beaten up.

        Their team died and came back to life again, we call them zombies over that.

        One of them I knew was an actual racist: he was stockpiling weapons and when the police raided his pub one of the things they found was pictures of black guys as monkeys on the wall :(

        So yeah – basically I’ve got actual enemies for no real reason other than I support the wrong sports team and look masc but I’m still going to live life the way I want to live life, stick to my own values and be myself and I won’t get physical unless they decide to make things physical but I do know self defence and can look after myself if things ever get ugly again.

        Sorry I probably did that aspie thing where I go on too long about something which isn’t really that important. I just can’t stand bullies who pick on people who are weaker and I’m not going to do what they want just to blend in.

        • I actually can’t tell you if it’s too long or anything cause autistic too but I love this:

          “So yeah – basically I’ve got actual enemies for no real reason other than I support the wrong sports team and look masc but I’m still going to live life the way I want to live life, stick to my own values and be myself and I won’t get physical unless they decide to make things physical but I do know self defence and can look after myself if things ever get ugly again.”

          and youre lowkey my hero

  8. I have some modest backpacking survivalist skills – I can tell you what berries are ok to eat, what plants will give you a rash, and how to keep your campsite bear-safe! Also good at growing tomatoes and being steady and empathetic during (other people’s) emotional crises. Hm, what else… I can fix a bike tire if we’re cycling through the dystopian landscape.

    In other news, my wife was granted permanent residence yesterday so she can stay forever!!!!!!!!! The last year of waiting to find out if anonymous government officials would deem our relationship valid enough to allow us to stay together has been harrowing, and it’s such a huge relief to not have that hanging over our heads anymore.

    • is living in new york city not a skill? like. im pretty sure thats pre-apocalyptic training

      but youre not gonna be dead homie we’re all surviving this

      • We’ll survive it together apart from anything else, strength in unity, that’s what this thread’s all about :)

      • I live in NYC too, we probs have site-specific post-apocalypse powers including but not limited to:
        – a very good understanding of personal space
        – ability to convey complex information through microexpressions and hand gestures
        – we are very good at pathfinding
        – dumpster diving!
        – rats are friends (and very intelligent, and probably going to become sentient after the apocalypse so …)

    • You probably know how to get around New York City, which based on almost every disaster movie I’ve ever seen is a crucial skill

  10. Hmm, I guess I could contribute my extensive collection of weapons. It’s basically a mini arsenal at this point. I’ve always liked sharp, pointy things and while my Kendo skills are a little rusty, I’m sure with a bit of practice I can pick it back up. Other things I could contribute:

    – I have an innate ability to pack the entire contents of a house into a single backpack. I travel A LOT. I’ve got packing down to a science.
    – I always have snacks and water in my bag. Also, band-aids, sanitary products, lotion, tissues, chapstick, hand sanitizer and Rubik’s Cubes. Yeah, my bags are bottomeless pits.
    – I’m highly adaptable – I’ve lived in natural disaster prone areas and extreme climate areas.
    – I’m a great listener, or so I’ve been told.
    – I’m good at research and a good problem solver.

    • i really love how you casually said, “i guess i could contribute my extensive collection of weapons” as if thats not one of the coolest things i will ever read in my entire life

      we can use rubik’s cubes to defeat the enemy (im assuming like how do you even make those things do the right thing) and i would like to learn how to fight like this except it will definitely be me poorly imitating what youre doing and hoping that youre close enough to keep me from making the situation worse (i just watched kim possible and please know im ron stoppable in this situation)

  12. I’m not scared of spiders (not the kind we have in the U.K. anyway).
    I am good at collecting information and analysing stuff and good at processes.
    Despite being an introvert I am pretty friendly towards newbies when I know some people (I am less good at being new myself, although better when everyone is queer).
    My sense of humour is normally quite dry and deadpan but sometimes quirky or absurd,
    My reaction to other people panicking is normally to become calm and pragmatic (although I am very good at panicking by myself).

    • yes yes yes!! !these are all very good and can i just say understanding processes is so important like being able to see how everything connects is CRUCIAL like notice how everyone needs that when something needs to be diffused (both in action movies and real life social situations)

  13. I don’t understand why anyone would want to survive the apocalypse, like if there’s no memory foam i’m not going.

    That said, i AM a) mostly useless b) constantly hungry and c) really only good with computers. so if you’re looking for a resource drain hit me up.

    • Being honest my plan A for an actual apocalypse is suicide, but I wanted to be positive for a change.

    • As long as you can keep track of a blanket, maintain a consistent body temperature, count stuff, reliably stay awake and alert for a couple hours you’re not a resource drain.
      Get you the comfiest bedding and help keep the children (with reliable bladders) warm during the winter.

      Also hardware or software it demonstrates you can focus on and manage a detailed task, someone could teach you how to sew, darn, knit even make or maintenance a net.

    • okay its taken me a while to get to this comment because i cannot find this tweet that perfectly encapsulates this but i will try:

      theres someone who was like, all yall talking about how youre gonna grab axes and chop heads off and drink cockroach milk to survive but i will do no such thing, i will will cover myself in my silk gown and lay down on my comfy ass bed drugged the fuck up and wait for whitney houston to sing me through the pearly gates

      which always makes me laugh and i definitely get the whole im not going vibe, like laura said, just trying something different!

      and resource drain??? youre coming (as long as you want to)!

  14. I worry about this a lot, tbh, that most of my skills will not be helpful, and also I have chronic health conditions that don’t lend themselves well to apocalypses. But! Sitting down and making a list makes me think some may be?

    -I can garden, even in small spaces(container gardens ftw)
    -I’m a fantastic cook, if I do say so myself.
    -I have a lot of poetry/folk songs memorized, which is handy if you need entertainment on long hikes/cold nights.
    -I have a decent knowledge of foraging and can identify a lot of edible wild plants.
    -I can shoot a bow
    -I can process and spin wool, and I know how to knit, so give me a sheep and within a few weeks I can give you a sweater.
    -I’m a good listener
    -I have a really wide social circle, so if you need someone with a specific skill set, it’s likely I know a someone.

    • YOU CAN SHOOT A BOW THATS PERFECT and also you can process and spin wool????? we can get sweaters??? this is so great and please dont worry you are fantastic and we are gonna be suriving/thriving because youre with us!

  15. I’ve thought about this probably more than I ought to. As far as I can tell, some of my skills are pretty useful, but annoyingly specialized (grad school will to that to you):

    -Really good at researching stuff in general.
    -My background is in microbial ecology, so I know a *lot* about composting
    -More broadly, I also think a ton about tracking nutrient and energy flows in ecosystems at a systems level, which probably comes in handy in agricultural settings
    -Also have some theoretical knowledge on how to coax microbes into producing medicines or other useful biological materials (though I’ve never actually done it in practice)
    -I’m apparently remarkably perceptive of things
    -I’m pretty good at riding horses, and combined with the above, would probably make an excellent mounted scout against the inevitable bands of fascists raiders and wannabe warlords
    -Being ADHD, I actually do my clearest thinking in life-or-death crisis situations, which makes me good to have in emergencies
    -I can sing every choral part from bass 1 to soprano 2
    -I have a full-size labrys painted in the trans pride colors in my bedroom
    -I’m married to a veterinarian, so I have at least a vague idea of how hygiene and biosecurity works in medical settings.

    • I love that you have a trans pride labrys, that is the coolest and it might be possible to use on horseback but rope or netting for capture might be more important for scout purposes.
      A captured raider can be useful.
      Also you could teach people to ride and if we have to make bits and the rest you’d be a fair judge at telling us what would or wouldn’t work cause it would be a major loss to lose out on your agriculture potential.

      Between you and Rachel campfire entertainment is well covered and uh I wanna ask have you ever heard Last of the Giants?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4cqcinpbvw

      It’s supposed to be done in a baritone or there abouts.

      • I previously had not heard of that song! But yeah, I could totally do that, in either register.

    • “an excellent mounted scout against the inevitable bands of fascists raiders and wannabe warlords”
      💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯

    • hello i had to look up labrys AND THAT IS SO FUCKING COOL

      composting! nutrient energy! microbes! hygiene and biosecurity! im very excited about all of these

  16. – humor
    – hyperawareness (thanks shitty childhood)
    – natural nightowl, someone needs to take the nightwatch
    – imagination and creativity
    – stone age weapon crafting skills
    – never made a “snare” but I think I could
    – have made a trapping pit before
    – know the difference be a running stitch and the one used on people
    – can make canned beans delicious
    – basic staff combat
    – rudimentary sword and shield combat(a shield by itself can be a wonderful weapon)
    – having swung a many hammer I can help pick weapons for most impact with least force(skull bashing)
    – know how bang nicks out of a scythe blade
    – really good at untying knots and unbinding things
    – excellent at tying tiny ass knots
    – know how IMPORTANT fibre craftspeople are
    – same with gardeners any agri folks
    – I know wood has to be properly dry before burning it
    – a survivor’s stubbornness
    – my war cry
    – tactical sense
    – good at comforting people who are scared
    – know that the guts and offal have to go asap
    – butcher away from camp as to not attract predators
    – oh and nutritionally we need salt
    – very important I know a group is what survives, not the hard-ass individual
    – my strong diggy lil fingers, great for massage and pulling things apart

    I really feel like I should know how to turn fibers into fabric, but I really don’t, not in a practical useful way where trial and error I could figure it out. Curing animal skins and building a forge I think I could figure out with trial and error.

    Another shout-out to fiber crafts people and gardeners, y’all would be vitally important in the apocalypse. Clothes and fabrics in stores will only last so long before they rot and everybody needs to eat. And to people who think you don’t have any skills you can learn and just being a part of a group you’re useful. There’s something you bring to the table and that’s you.

    • ……..stone age weapon crafting skills is so bad ass and just casually dropping in skull bashing like youve BEEN prepared for this and i appreciate all youre bringing to the table that we’re late to

      • My lifelong interest Pre-Colombian American history and all the things we’re still learning early sapiens doesn’t seem useful until you consider apocalypse or a stranding.

        Bullets run out, guns require a certain decree of maintenance, they’re loud, and knife work is easy to botch without the right training(form and anatomy).
        Blunt force not so much, even against an armored opponent.

        Millennials shooting the shit about what’d we do in the event of the zombie apocalypse and all the zombie fiction I’m pretty sure has something to do with living/growing up with in the shadow of Columbine, 9/11 and the War on Terror.
        I’m lucky in that the nerds I hung out with were future CSA folks, hunters, yard work and Katrina gave me demo experience before I ever did metalsmithing.

        Best zombie apocalypse panel a person could ask for.

        • wait that is such a good point re: millenials shooting the shit out of zombies/etc. thats something i gotta like go and sit and think about wow

          i love all of what youre bringing this is gonna be so great!

  17. I would probably bring my knowledge, a solar panel large enough to efficiently charge a modern phone for internet; because give me instructions and I can get anything done. I’d also probably have to bring something to connect to the satellites in space for communication reasons. I think they make cases that give phone satellite capabilities. I’d probably also need a few pounds of Lara bars and water.

    How’s everyone’s week going? It’s been like March here instead of mid-May and kind of throwing me off here. The news even said that some ski resorts in the local mountains have plans to be open until June and July since we go so much snow and rain this past fall and winter. So weird.

    In other news in the past month, two friends said they will be moving away and 3rd friend one may have lied to me about who she is dating? One of the people moving is my bff, and I’ve yet to see her before her move this weekend to say our goodbyes for now. In fact, replies have been a bit quiet. So, right now I am a bit sad about that as we did try to make plans last Sunday. Lost a good portion of my friends group, but thankfully Cuties Coffee is still around. Plus, I matched up with a cute Jew. Thing there is she mentioned she’s busy with finals so I am not sure if they end this week or next week and not sure when to message her again? I may just message her during the weekend and see how it went? Ideas?

    I, unfortunately, have no new images to share this week as I spent Sunday home with my sister celebrating our mother by eating food and watching tv.

    Thank you for reading my post. Hope you have a positive weekend!

    • Sorry about your friends moving away, that’s rubbish. The same thing happened to me a year ago with my two closest friends. My bff moved from being a day trip away to being a weekend trip away and my other close friend moved from being an after work trip away to a day trip away. And it was already hard enough trying to fit things into my weekends. If I ever want another relationship and still to have friends I feel like she will have to live in the same road as me and work 9/10 weekends!

      Well done on the match. I have no idea re finals, but I’d send her a quick message this weekend to see how they’ve gone/are going and then leave it to her to make the next move.

      • Thank you for the reply! Yeah, that’s what I was thinking about doing. A simple how are finals going and that’s it?

    • i have highkey been waiting for someone to suggest a solar panel so thank you for putting my mind at ease

      thats really rough, having friends move away. i hope that you get to connect with them soon if thats something you want.

      i think thats a good idea for messaging the cute person you met with and even though sad about no pictures very happy you got to spend (what sounds like) a relaxing day with your family

      i hope you had a positive weekend too!

  18. Hmmmm, it’s hard to recognize what “apocalypse skills” I might bring to the table. I’d say I’d bring my keyboard, and the fingers to play us some chill-out music, but if there’s no power, we’ll have to haul a grand piano up that giant mountain, LOL, and THEN I could play y’all your chill music! :)
    I guess if the lights go out, I could help y’all find your way. I’m great at navigating.

    • navigation is v important and i will find at the very least a baby grand piano (or at least the ones that kids get where they play their baby Mozart concertos) to haul up the mountain

  19. I too am in the ‘can grow/forage/cook food things’ category of humans. Medicine too! Which is a great reminder that I should re-up my first aid training so I can function as a low level medic in a pinch.
    Also leadership skills, like organizing and delegating things. And staying calm while shit hits the fan.
    I would love to learn carpentry skills, and probably how to fish?
    This thread is perfect right now because I’ve been having a lot of depressing and fatalistic conversations as of late about the probable coming pandemic, so coming together to think about how we’ll all survive and make a rad post-apocalyptic queer utopia is very soothing.

    • im glad this is soothing, i was reading this tweet by ashley ford that says “The goal of oppressors is to limit your imagination about what is possible without them, so you might never imagine more for yourself and the world you live in. Image something better. Get curious about what it actually takes to make it happen. Then fight for it everyday.” which makes me think of how youre already saying you should re-up your training on skills you already have and think about other stuff you want to do which is a long way of saying you made me think of this tweet because this comment feels like seeing it in action and i love this and yes!!

  20. Oh boy I live for this question/line of thought. Alright here we go. Ahem:

    -first and probably foremost, I am a farmer of vegetables and a saver of seeds which will help with the not starving to death
    -I can catch and clean fish
    -generally calm when others might panic. Never had to literally fight for my life but I feel like I’d get the hang of it kinda fast
    -unbothered by blood and stuff
    -“everyone wants a revolution but no one wants to do the dishes.” I do. I want to do the dishes. Basically I love to be helpful and useful even if it is in the most mundane and basic way
    -not to brag but I’ve got a killer immune system. I NEVER get sick. The downside of this is that when I do I am reduced to sniveling rubble.
    -will eat anything
    -super keen to build a new society that isn’t horrible in damn near every way

    I think that’s it. I feel like we got this guys.

    • i so was unprepared for “everyone wants a revolution but no one wants to do the dishes.” i do. i want to do the dishes ICONIC

      and yes we eating which is always one of my biggest fears thank you for helping quiet that down

      “i feel like we got this guys.” i love this !!

  21. Btw I want all of you with chronic illness/disability to survive the apocalypse because you are all valid members of society and have all the skills you’ve described and I don’t want to live in some right wing society when only the strongest survive/are valued.

    • (Not that I am claiming to be particularly strong myself, I take daily medication to reduce/prevent migraines and I don’t know how frequent/severe they would feel be without that medication).

      • Yeah! I’d almost be blind without my glasses, take several medications daily, and the blood loss of my menstruation is so bad I am very often anaemic.

        Even though I am a very crafty, creative and resourcefull person, with medical training, who could offer a lot – I don’t think I’d live very long post-apocalyps.

        However: Maybe I’d do a Samwell Tarly and just survive everything against all odds. (All while crying.)

    • YES !!!! this is very true you are valid cause youre here!!! and thank you, laura, for saying it and we will fight hell and highwater to make sure youre (this is a you to everyone worrying about being left behind) still here

    • The fact those of us with chronic illnesses/disabilities are still alive is a testament of strength in itself.
      It’s not a “hergh flex bro stoic spartan strength” of will; It’s a mental strength, a sharpening of the mind from figuring out how to make do with less than ideal to completely fubar situations.

  22. I have an excellent sense of smell and can thus detect things like combustion odors, poisonous gases, tasty plants/herbs and such.

  23. + Incredible tech skills I can build a radio from parts
    + Raised by my grandmother who grew up on an actual sharecroppers farm in the Great Depression
    + Able to recognize a small number of edible wild plants (thanks grandma, really wished I’d listened more)
    + Able to grow food. (thanks grandma.)
    + Able to sew
    + Able to build a fire
    + Took lots of Shop class in high school and still remember how to use tools.

    – Picky Eater (yep grandma, still)
    – Trans with a history of depression and suicide attempts, without my hormones the apocalypses won’t kill me, but I’ll likely take care of that myself.

  24. This is how I wish jobs asked for our skills.

    -good at directions and math, staying calm in crisis, bad driving
    -singing a lot
    -horrible impressions
    -encyclopedic knowledge of Harry Potter and Drag Race
    -advocacy skills
    -jean jackets
    -in love with nature, but really bad allergies

    Let’s do this thing.

    • i just feel like we’ll finally get our magic after the apocalypse?? so the extensive harry potter knowledge feels extremely appropriate and im the same about nature we can figure out how to survive the bad allergies together

  25. Lets see… I would bring:

    -5 Books that focus on survival skill. 2 Books that focus on our world History. 1 Book that focuses on Engineering. 1 Book that focuses on computer science & 1 book that focuses on calculus/geometry.
    -Gonna have to go to that seed facility up in the artic so I’m bringing a jacket.
    -My lez-be-honest to goodness handy homedepot tool belt..cuz dude my carpenter skills r about to razle dazzle.
    -A back up swiss army knife loaded with all the bells n whistles for when I need to put the belt down ;)
    -Sunscreen until I can start making my own..this girl is practically a “daywalker”…lol
    -Sachel with emergency meds for when a girl can’t find medicinal plants around.
    -Desser Eagle w/a full magazine cuz thats the noise u hear when u run into a bear n there isn’t a single person around to hear it is bang bang…by the B52s.
    (Hope it’s not a Pocahontas situation when the mama bear n lil cubs show up out of nowhere.. dammit) that’ll be tough call.
    -carbon & salt tablets in that sachel btw.
    -I need to document this adventure so a pen n baby journal.
    -the girlfriend is pissed that shes in the bottom of this list n I say “You’re always in my heart babe.”

    • “My lez-be-honest to goodness handy homedepot tool belt..cuz dude my carpenter skills r about to razle dazzle.”

      how are you one of the greatest people ever

  26. oh i LOVE this. one of my secret fantasies is that i’ve always thought i’d be really fucking amazing in a survival situation. my contributions:

    – sheer force of butch will
    – rudimentary car maintenance/repair
    – intermediate carpentry skills
    – knitting and sewing
    – vegetable-growing and decent cooking ability
    – it’s been a while but i know how to ride a horse
    – unbothered by blood or injury
    – small and nimble — adept at climbing trees, hopping fences, scampering over boulders, shimmying through tights spaces, etc.
    – good at making fire. also good at telling stories around fire. Hwæt!
    – comfortable swimming in deep water
    – unafraid of bugs, wild animals, or the dark
    – unfussy; happy to sleep on the bare dirt and eat food off the ground
    – clear-headed under pressure
    – strong protective instincts
    – loyal
    – happiest when working on a task; bad at being lazy
    – a leader but eager to please the group
    – (yeah, i essentially have the personality of a german shepherd)

    based on the comments it sounds like y’all are extremely well-prepared for the apocalypse! the queer shall inherit the earth.

    • SHEER FORCE OF BUTCH WILL I ADMIRE AND WILL BE TAKING A PAGE FROM YOUR BOOK THANK YOU

      “(yeah, i essentially have the personality of a german shepherd)” i feel like its important to point out that in i am legend, the dog that survived was a german shepherd but also i dont remember how that movie ended, i just need to believe he lives

      “THE QUEER SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH” id like that on a sticker please

      • if autostraddle sold “the queer shall inherit the earth” stickers i would definitely buy them!

  27. As a disabled person society naturally has its doubts about my usefulness in an apocalypse, but also fuck that because I’m sticking around and y’all can deal. Also I have lots to offer so here goes:
    I’m the mum-friend with everything in my purse: bandaids, hand sanitizer, pads, medication, snacks…you name it I’ve got it.
    I have an extremely good memory (literally i am a sponge) and can hold lots of knowledge and regurgitate it back to y’all.
    Can function exceedingly well in the dark.
    Very good with my hands; can sew, knit, basic medical and carpentry stuff and open to learning from the rest of you talented bunch!
    I am extremely calm and level-headed when in group situations/under pressure, and can always think logically.
    I’m a good listener.
    Not super outgoing, but if something needs to be said or done, I will do it.
    Not scared of spiders – and if you think your spiders are bad come to Australia.

    Speaking of which, it’s election day in Australia and I’m scared because politics is a shitshow and we need change but idk if we’re gonna get it and I don’t want queerphobic, xenophobic, ableist representatives in our Parliament. I guess we just gotta wait and see though.

    • Hi Fragilelittleflame, Also an Australian who is about ready to howl into her scotch at the moment as a result of today’s election results.
      Oh well, all the more reason to say “fuckem” and survive anyway.

      With skills like ours, there’d be no killing us off.

    • “but also fuck that because I’m sticking around and y’all can deal” is eXACTLY the energy im hoping for and youre damn right if not all of us than none of us!!! mum friend and great memory is already just yes yes yes

      sending good vibes your way, thats stressful as shit

  28. I feel like I’d be Mab in The Big Book of Post-Collapse Fun (hilarious and everyone should read it) and be a bit useless at first but learn to survive through luck and determination.

    I can bring:
    – the ability to find the funny side and the positive side to any situation, no matter how bad

    – I can weave and could probably build a basic loom so we’ll have clothes and blankets if there’s sheep or useful plants around

    – Olympic level stubbornness

    – I’m small so I won’t need feeding as much as the tall people, also I can cook

    – excellent at sneaking around very quietly and suddenly making people jump, this has to be useful somewhere

    • 1. thank you for the recommendation

      2. olympic level stubbornness is one of the best things ive ever heard and im positive that will serve us well AND super sneaky you can scare our enemies!!! (if you so choose)

  29. As a techy and otherwise impractical person I’m not sure what useful things I can bring to the table without my beloved computers. But let’s see:

    – Very good memory and fast reading. I am not a librarian but maybe I can assist them in finding information in some way?

    – I’m a sympathetic listener and give ultra-focus to whoever I’m talking to

    – Uh, good sense of direction and time? I’ll help us get to where we’re going and figure out what time it is

    • techy doesnt mean impractical, if anything youll be able to help us get technology going again just in a different way! yes these are all great and i so worry about time so im extra excited about this

  30. If the apocalyps comes with a famine, I bring my personal “snacks”… Being overweight is finaly usefull! Fat will save us!

    • im also someone who has snacks all the time and YES WE GOT THIS

      FAT WILL SAVE US !!!!!!!

  31. • has all the useful things you didn’t think of (but none of the things logical people do)

    • crafts things out of discarded materials

    • can ice skate, so if the world freezes over (probably not) and you need to break something open, I’ll just double axel on top of it

    • runs fast because i have lots of practice from literally running away from my problems (this isn’t really a good coping skill)

    • “so if the world freezes over (probably not) and you need to break something open, I’ll just double axel on top of it” THIS IS AMAZING

      wait i didnt even get to the last bullet point this comment makes my whole day

  32. Thanks to the training I’ve had at the hands of WW1, WW2, Korea and Vietnam trained Nurses and Doctors I can pretty well cope with anything bloody or scary from a medical and surgical point of view. It will probably be a bit crude but it will be functional
    I also have food growing, food raising and finding skills as well as preparation skills in camping and survivalist settings.
    Getting old now so not as fleet of foot but still strong and angry and capable enough to be dangerous to anyone who seeks to harm my group.
    Don’t give me little kids but do give me the sick and the damaged. I’d kill to protect you all.

    • i love this comment so much you are so wonderful hOLY SHIT can i take classes on learning how to be like you???

      “it will be a bit crude but it will be functional” is pretty much what i hope our survival turned thriving song will be

      • Hi Love, If you ever drop below the equator in the region of Sydney Harbour, come and say hello.

        We can eat, drink and have a few laughs, while we plan an international resistance movement that runs on women power.

  33. My first response to this is always I Can Sew!, but, honestly: I can sew on machines that would need electricity (who’s got a solar farm?), and my medium is spandex, which we’re going to lose in the global shipping crisis well before the rest of society collapses. I’m working on shirts and pants this year.

    Probably more useful:
    – I’m good at taking care of preteens, drop off your surly middle-schooler types and I’ll give them stuff to do
    – When there are multiple equally-plausible options, I’m good at making an arbitrary decision to keep people moving instead of stalling on a low-stakes debate
    – I can cook
    – I’m really good at documenting a process for the sake of remembering it later and instructing other people on how it’s done? Like, I take good notes when the class is something physical, like stagefighting or shirt assembly or machinery repair or building.
    – If there are still bees, I can keep them!

    • If you can sew with spandex, you can probably sew knits. Plus: sewing wovens is actually easier. Shaping wovens not so much… But it’s post apocalys so screw darts, just wear a belt over your tunic.

      Also: there are still plenty of hand or footpeddle powers sewing machines around. Only human power needed!

    • bee keeping and taking care of preteens and documenting yes yes yes!!! also if we can get a few spandex outfits in im 90025% sure that will raise morale

  34. My phone won’t text for some unknown reason and I just need to share this

    only thing missing is a square dedicated the phenomenal work of Ramin Djawadi,and everybody involved in the set design.

    • bwahahaha i am happy to see so many people who recognize the talent from the actors/set designers despite really blegh writing though / didnt these writers propose a show where the confederate won the civil war? like not happy that people are upset about GOT but also really not sad those guys failed

  35. I took a weekend entirely off my computer so I am late to the party but here goes:

    – Backpacks. Just, lots and lots of them.
    – My basement is full of cardboard boxes, so: housing? fuel? containers? insulation? maze-building to keep the kiddos happy?
    – I can knit and I have a fair stash of yarn I haven’t used yet.
    – Good with kids.
    – CPR-, Heimlich- and basic first aid-trained. Able to assist people with physical disabilities in transfers and have my own gait belt. And stethoscopes. Not gonna volunteer to deal with needles or cutting people, that often makes me woozy, but up for other medical-assisting-type stuff.
    – Creative problem-solver.
    – Able to walk long distances.
    – Willing to do dishes or other mundane stuff.
    – Calm and organized in a crisis.
    – Good listener.
    – Experienced in diagnosing and treating swallowing, speech, voice, language and cognitive/communication disorders, mostly on the geriatric end but some pediatric.
    – Firmly on board with including and valuing everybody. Willing to walk slowly, build ramps, widen doorways, lend a guiding elbow, communicate differently, and be told I’m not doing it quite right to make it happen.
    – Absurdist humor. Will be part of Awful Pun Brigade. (The rest of you know who you are.)
    – Good at teaching, eager to learn from the rest of y’all amazing people.

    • welcome back (i hope the break helped!!)

      yes, i especially love “diagnosing and treating swallowing, speech, voice, language and cognitive/communication disorders” and ready to help everyone as best you can yes yes!!!

  36. Late but can I just say how much it bothers me when people are biphobic? What is it with the male ego which makes it ok to ask me if I ‘really want to get down and dirty with women or if there’s a certain softness you feel is missing from men which is why you’re seeking out women’?

    I like women because they’re sexy.

    I like ‘pretty boys’ for the same damn reason.

    Yes, I’m into camp femininity and if I end up with a guy again he’ll probably either be bi like me or mistaken for gay a lot by gender conformity obsessed sexists. I’m fine with that.

    Just cos I don’t like (that sounds rude most of my guy friends are this type and most of my friends are guys) macho men ie just because macho men aren’t my type doesn’t mean I’m not bi.

    It’s probably because I have a huge crush on one guy (who’s famous but only in Scotland) but that does not mean I’m not into women. It just means I have a crush. Also it doesn’t mean I can’t recognise his talent.

    I should just be blunt with my mates and say ‘you’re not my type’.

    And yes I probably do want to do what that guy said but even though I’m nb doesn’t mean I’m masculine enough to be ok with it being phrased like that. It sounds pornographic when he puts it like that and not in a good way :(

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