FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Let’s Make Some Fall Resolutions

Hello, pumpkin seeds! It’s Friday, which means it’s time for us to draw all over each other’s faces when we fall asleep. JK! It’s time for the Friday Open Thread, which couldn’t have come sooner because I really miss you guys. I’m so glad you’re here! Never leave me.

Now that September is in full swing, I’ve been sitting around waiting for the seasons to change and filling with an unusal excitement from all that autumn brings: crispy leaves, oversized sweaters with leggings in public places, hot cider. I already accomplished my annual pilgrimage to Starbucks for a pumpkin spice latte this week — twice — but the rest of the season hasn’t quite caught up. Fucking global warming, amirite?

This is what I want it to look like out there

This is what I want it to look like out there

But with all the great not-yet-winter emotions stirred up by fall comes the distinct urge to rethink and restructure some parts of my life. Am I alone in this? My self-help book told me, “September is the new January,” and even though I haven’t drafted a Tumblr post announcing my fall resolutions, I’ve definitely been making some in my head. After a months-long existential crisis, I’m finally making the to-do lists and running all the errands to help me work through it, and I’m starting to just feel a lot more of a sense of possibility as I travel by foot without melting into the pavement lately. It’s refreshing, you see. So I’m trying to get, well, fresh.

In the spirit of being — well, open — in the Friday Open Thread, here are some of my fall resolutions: I want to learn to drive, I want to take Eli on longer walks in the morning, and I want to make better food. There are some other, less fabulous ones, too. Also, I need a new wardrobe. Duh. Oh! And I finally made a Netflix Queue so I could stop watching Frasier on repeat (not that I did).

What about you, my soy muffins? Do you have fall resolutions? If you do, wanna share ’em? If you don’t, maybe just tell me your favorite pumpkin cheesecake brownie recipe so that I can make it in my kitchen and contemplate the path of my life. Or even just tell me about your day, or your plans for this weekend, or the date you went on this week. Or, as usual, your pets. Tell me all about your pets. (I’ll comment on every photo of a pet with a photo of Eli, and I have A BUNCH OF THEM stored up just waiting to be unleashed, if you get my meaning.)

Let’s do it, y’all. Let’s fall in love.

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Carmen

Carmen spent six years at Autostraddle, ultimately serving as Straddleverse Director, Feminism Editor and Social Media Co-Director. She is now the Consulting Digital Editor at Ms. and writes regularly for DAME, the Women’s Media Center, the National Women’s History Museum and other prominent feminist platforms; her work has also been published in print and online by outlets like BuzzFeed, Bitch, Bust, CityLab, ElixHER, Feministing, Feminist Formations, GirlBoss, GrokNation, MEL, Mic and SIGNS, and she is a co-founder of Argot Magazine. You can find Carmen on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr or in the drive-thru line at the nearest In-N-Out.

Carmen has written 919 articles for us.

303 Comments

  1. It’s so freakin’ funny because I was just thinking “Man I need to do some Pre-Janunary January shit because my life needs a freakin’ overhaul” so yes, esto. This time of year for some reason seems to be the time for change.

    Anyways, I want to:
    1. Get back on track with a light exercise routine, walking and yoga, no big
    2. Try to get a job at the library! Fall library princess!!
    3. Try to pay off my debts. I don’t have much so I know if I commit and stop spending like I’m 20 I can get it done
    4. Focus more on myself and positive friendships and interactions! I put a lot of emotional energy into people and things that can’t give it back, and that burned me pretty bad recently. I mom people and had an old habit of trying to save every baby bird on the block while I was drowning myself. Best case scenario is that I do help someone out and they peace out without helping me in return. I was slipping back into that after a few stunning years of burning bridges and looking out for myself. No more! I’m not trying to look to date or make new friends or work on bad friendships, I just want to focus on myself and the friendships that are worthwhile and edifying to myself.
    5. TRY TO FIND RESOURCES FOR THERAPY. The anxiety and what-I-suspect-to-be depression stuff gets tiring going at alone. Last winter kicked my ass thoroughly and I will not be going through that again this season!
    6. READ MORE BOOKS!!!

    I should also learn how to drive but nahhhhhhhhhh

    Thanks for this, Carmzzzzzzzzz!!!

    • Good luck finding good therapy resources! My wife had some success looking for LGBT therapists. Though that was only after getting prescribed meds by her general doctor that made her suicidal and landed her in the ER. So yeah, good luck and take care of yourself!

      • Oh god, I’m sorry about that happening to your wife, that’s so awful. I didn’t even THINK about queer friendly therapy yet, my first and foremost thought is “affordable”, gahhhhh. Thank you, though!

        • Hey, call your local mental health crisis line and ask for resources that are affordable. I’m getting therapy for $10 a visit through a local university, because people working on their Master’s and PhD’s need to do a certain number of hours of therapy, and also their work is reviewed. If you don’t mind those conditions, it’s pretty great. Either way, your local crisis line will have resources and phone numbers for you.

    • Not a substitute for therapy but you should think about getting a happy light while it’s still the fall. I’ve been meaning to get one too, I’m pretty sure they’re supposed to be great for like everyone.

    • Oh my glob, I can totally relate to numbers 3 and 4! I couldn’t have said that better myself actually. It’s hard to take care of yourself without caring for others. It feels so selfish. Any tips on that, from your stunning years of independence from self-oppression?

  2. I have so many fall resolutions!

    but I mostly right now wanna see a whole lotta cute pet pictures, so here’s Ellie, one of my two cats (the other one isn’t very photogenic. sorry, george.):

  3. I have been doing this thing where I post cat/small human/cat and small human photos every time someone donates to this here fundraiser for Singapore’s (only!) Sexual Assault Care Centre, so I too am currently awash in pet photos.

    This is probably the last fall/autumn I’m gonna be living through for a while so while I am not usually one for resolutions, here are some things that I should probably get in order:

    1. Do my g-ddamn readings
    2. Write more!
    3. Take more photos (and actually share them)
    4. Watch less Netflix, even though the PS3 set-up I have rn is beautiful
    5. ACQUIRE A COAT

      • The toy was bought for £1 from a street peddler in Stratford-upon-Avon and was originally meant for London cat, but was brought home to Singapore cat (pictured) because London cat was too vicious for it. Now my sister drapes it on Singapore cat (who, despite his fierce face, is the biggest pushover ever) while narrating “look how fabulous he is!”

      • I am new to US Netflix (previously I had to rely on slow free proxies in the UK, which was a massive deterrent), and have already watched two seasons of Scandal — which I don’t even particularly enjoy, it’s just way too convenient now that I just have to switch on the TV and the PS3 console. THERE IS SO MUCH TV HOW DOES ANYONE GET ANYTHING DONE HERE.

  4. Autumn doesn’t seem to happen here in the north of Spain, at least not in the same way it happens in the UK. Right now it’s still summer weather. Last year the weather changed to winter almost overnight at some point in October, so one of my goals right now is to go for more hikes in the country before that happens.

    Last weekend I got my travel-planning act together and booked a plane ticket to spend Christmas in the States with the American girlfriend. I have spent this entire week being distracted by daydreams about going over the pond again. They’re good daydreams and are making me feel calmer in the face of the general start-of-term chaos that is my professional life right now.

    In place of resolutions for autumn, I have a list of things I want to accomplish this academic year. Some of those things are teaching-specific goals (the big one: overcoming my apprehension about teaching younger kids when I am really best at teaching adults – mostly I work with adults and older teens but this year I’ve also been assigned one class of young kids). Other things include improving my Spanish enough that I can do more than just ‘get by’ OK, and trying to be more proactive about making some new friends here (something that’s always been hard for me). Tips welcome!

    • it’s not a good idea to have me advise re: children ever but you should probs just schedule more brunches. one of my resolutions / targets for the year is being more social and i aim to do it via mimosas.

  5. 1. GET A JOB I don’t hate
    2. Go into New York City more often
    3. Make new queer friends
    4. Get my nose pierced
    5. Move out
    6. Exercise more often; take long walks
    7. Write!
    8. Read!

  6. Maybe this is like a horoscope, universe align thing, because I went to the gym for the first time in many months last Sunday and realized that striving to be slim and stuff is an image installed into me by a patriarchal society that cannot deal with strong women.
    If I want to do weights, I am going to do the frigging weights, and I’m going to eat right and plenty so I will not feel like fainting on the spot all the time, as I am wont to do when I start to work out/ride my bike everywhere and don’t take care to eat more.
    So if I am going to turn into a big, butch Lesbian,so be it. I love boxing and I love bench pressing and I love being strong.
    I don’t know how it took me so long to realize that what I want to be is so different from what others expect of me.
    And really, who cares? I anybody going to ask me to do a photoshoot? Yeah,..no.
    Also, I decided to go to work related evening lectures,as many as I can over the fall, and as every year with the start of theater/concert season, “more culture”.
    Well, it has been working well the past week! I am very optimistic:-)It has been hugely fun,too!
    On another note, the weirdest thing happened to me yesterday:
    It was my hospital’s yearly summer party, so I squeezed myself in at the table the nurses I’ve been working with for a few weeks were sitting at, and they were talking about a party they meant to go to tomorrow.
    Naturally I asked which party at which club, and they were suddenly being very vague about the kind of event and were just going on about the location and stuttering around, until I was like,”You’re going to Mermaid’s, the Lesbian Party tomrrow, why don’t you just SAY so?”
    And, well, I had managed to squeeze myself in at the very gay end of the table, and we had a blast the rest of the evening.
    Also, I am very glad this happened, because just imagine, you go to a club,it’s four in the morning, you’re stumbling out of the restroom at four in the morning wondering where your friends/your jacket/your dignity is, and you unexpectedly run into people from work at the queue!
    There’s someone I would like to run into,tomorrow, I think, so we’ll see how that goes.
    Wish me luck, Ladies, I wish you the best.

    • “So if I am going to turn into a big, butch Lesbian,so be it. I love boxing and I love bench pressing and I love being strong.”
      HELL YES, GET IT!

    • Cannot find the right five or fist bump gif for this.
      Will say though as someone who’s doing one legged push ups 3 times a week that bras are NOT designed in mind that our ribs will have muscle on them so when you get to buying new ones or what keep this in mind. The whole 36A can wear a 34B or 34C thing does not apply.

      ~ Stay hydrated and remember your protein.

      • That’s such a great point. I hadn’t even thought of that. It explains some muscle soreness along my bra line. Maybe just binding would help?

    • d00d there should be a musclehead straddlers group; population: all the ppl excitedly commenting about weight training in this thread. Oh hey btw Girlfight with Michelle Rodriguez is on Netflix Instant! :D

      I had a pretty sweet weight training routine going last fall until i injured my shoulder, so i’m trying to rehab with swimming and yoga so i can get back into it because I LOVE THE WEIGHT ROOM OMGGGG. I. Love. It. I love being strong and seeing how many pushups and pullups I can do and trying to translate that into new skills like rock gym climbing etc. The most important thing i learned besides don’t get injured derp is sugar is my friend. I was eating so much protein and high-calorie foods but was painfully hungry all the time, it was not good. I had to increase protein *and* sugar to refuel. Have fun! Tell us about your rad strength achievements in future threads! :)

      • Dude. Blueberries are your friend. Blueberries help muscle recovery and they’ve got lots of natural sugar. I suggest cottage cheese mixed with yoghurt, honey, and blueberries. Also, yes, musclehead straddlers.

    • Wow, you guys! I’ll try to think of the bra thing, when I’m wondering why they’re chafing, thanks for the advice!Totally planning to go bouldering in the Winter,too! And I will totally go for the blueberries, whenever I can! I already do anyways:-) It’s just a challenge to eat enough and healthy in the first place. I used to be glad when I skipped out on meals due to too much work, but it really wears you out after a while. Now, this week, I’ve gotten a bad conscience when I was eating too little, actually, and was worriedly summing up the calories in bed and wondering if I did manage enough, and then thought “Oh, but you did have chocolate!” with relief. Relief! And I did try to care for me, bringing whole grain bread to work, and radishes and yoghurt.”I can do this, Luce! I can do this!”
      But seriously, I really am wondering about my eating attitudes and body image..
      Man, it does sneak up on you…
      On another note, I was at work all day yesterday, (sorry for the late reply) and as it happens, a patient weaseled her way out of bed and tripped and fell rather heavily.
      It was just me and a couple of nurses who didn’t want to throw their backs out, and there was the issue of how to get the woman back into her bed from the floor.
      Now, it wasn’t graceful or easy or anything, but I did most of the heavy lifting and it worked. I’ll just be a big, butch,useful lesbian in the future :-D

  7. Good afternoon Straddlers! This weekend is the Brooklyn Book Festival and Maker Faire and I’m going to do both or go nuts trying.

    Humans of New York just posted this with the caption “Never photograph a child without permission.”

    (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = “//connect.facebook.net/en_US/all.js#xfbml=1”; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, ‘script’, ‘facebook-jssdk’));
    Post by Humans of New York.

  8. To not expect that just because things have been in a certain way the falls before, they also have to be that way this time…

  9. Yay for crispy leaves, sweaters, and cider! I’m also getting really into the fall spirit. I really wanna make an apple pie. Maybe that can be first on my list of fall resolutions!

    I also want to: figure out a plan for what to do with my life after my lease is up in May, start playing the piano again, and call/visit my family more often.

    Definitely agree that this is a good time to make some changes. I feel like maybe because it will be getting colder outside and we’re gonna be inside more, it makes sense to be more introspective/reflective.

    I tried really hard to get a good photo of my roommate’s cat but this was the best I could do:

    • Wow, figuring out what’s happening in May now, in September, is outfuckingstanding. Everybody should figure out what is happening with their lease 7 months in advance. I am TOTALLY serious!! I lived with my sister for 6 years, and gave her 5 months notice that I needed to move, and that I was planning on it, and 2 months to move-out, she was like “how could you do this to me, I am so unprepared aaaaah”. It was fine. I helped her. But, I mean, these things take time! Good for you!

  10. I’ve been (trying to) staying fit from the beginning of summer. Pumped up for jumper and hoodie weather. Here are ,y resolutions and I hope I stick to them:

    – Keep working out (for the first time in a long time, I’ve stuck with something)
    -Allow myself to be heard. Silence is not always the answer
    -Do things and not let my anxiety get in the way of me being my best possible self.
    -Read more books (not just lesbian marshmallowy romance fluff kittens literature)
    -To expect nothing from anyone, not even myself.
    -Find and be great at a job I love.
    -Enjoy the potential of whom I am and could become.

    Ah..

    • This definitely tickled my tra-la-la. You got me in the feels. “Allow myself to be heard. Silence is not always the answer.” It sounds like you are doing so well for yourself, keep it up!!

  11. Hi guys! How is your week? Mine has been great! Next week I’m officially (sort of) done with not doing patient care! Everyone seems to hate the new electronic charting mainly because the font is tiny. Haha. I’m going with my co workers to see Katy Perry later. I’m really really looking forward to seeing Tegan and Sara! It doesnt’ feel much like fall here mainly because we JUST got over the worst heat wave ever in SoCal. But yay for pumpkin everything! I’m super excited for carving my pumpkin this year =)

    So first I want to share my Metal earth for this week which is Notre Dame de Paris. I did ALL those column looking things if you’re wondering. And I also put the unfinished product because someone was very curious a few days ago and asked what it looked like before I did the whole kit.

    Then my wife did the BEST thing ever and had the cat on during a video call on facebook. I think I fell in love <3

      • Vinzzz27, as a fellow nurse and fellow frustrated architect, are you a fellow frustrated architect? I don’t know how you make the metal earth things, but it is incredible all of the stuff you have posted. I am in awe of your architect-builder-constructor skills.
        I used to make houses for my Barbie dolls out of cardboard boxes, and really got into it when I was like playing with Barbies 8-10 yrs. I still fantasise about redesigning spaces in houses to let the light in, but my day job is nurse… :)
        Maybe you should give up your day job… and make models for architects from metal earth…

        • Lol thats so weird but I did USED to want to be an architect. I never studied for it. I also enjoy legos. Enjoy like 5lbs of legos from ebay..lol

    • Jessy meowington and my wife say hello to everyone. Thank you all for your kind words. I also dont know how I have the patience to make them. LOL. Theres quite a bit of cussing involved.

    • This has probably been established before, but are those kits you buy to assemble, something you design on a c&c setup, or am I way off?

      No matter what, it’s awesome!

  12. Today is the opening night for my opera company, which is exciting. I’m waiting until the last minute to squeeze into my dress and plaster my face with makeup to become more conventionally beautiful for the masses.

    My foremost fall resolution is to cultivate myself outside of work. I’ve spent the last seven years using my career as my sole identifier, frequently falling back on the excuse that I have to work or I have rehearsal to avoid branching out. I’m now in a place, both geographically and mentally, where I have the opportunity to explore other aspects of myself. I want to be more than my career, though I love it with all my heart.

    • That is so exciting! I will never understand how you’re supposed to accomplish diaphragmatic breathing in those outfits! Good luck in your resolution :)

  13. Things that are in the mail as we speak (and I don’t know which I’m more excited about)

    -Boxers
    -Tig Notaro tickets

    Also I got this Venitian glass fountain pen a while back and the ink just came

  14. This week has been pretty ‘meh’ – but I am babysitting a pug all weekend so it’s gonna be okay. It’ll be better when my babe of babes comes back from the Midwest on Monday. This is my last weekend before my grad program starts back up and I intend to use it wisely. Off the top of my head, I have pretty simple fall solutions.
    1 – Work hard and earn great marks right out of the gate.
    2 – Buckle down on spending.
    3 – Walk more. Walk everywhere possible.
    4 – Keep eating vegetarian/vegan as $$ allows.

    Here I am feeling like a woodland creature with my hair tucked into a beanie. Also included is the first homemade pizza I’ve ever made. Technically my babe did all of the important stuff but I DID slice the avocado and sprinkle the cheese on.

  15. Fall/Life Goals:
    1. Stop drinking so much gdamn coffee and actually get some sleep at night
    2. Write more about my feelings instead of sending streams of ridiculous texts or posting vague tumblr posts
    3. Start picking out outfits for the next day before I even go to bed like the kids I nanny for do bc productivity
    4. Start letting go of impossible situations and living life without boundaries

    But for now, I’ll keep sipping this coffee and studying while eyeing the cute barista and dreaming about fall leaf colors and oversized sweaters in this 90 degree weather here in Colorado.

    Happy Friday, everyone.

  16. Fall Resolution: More cardigans!

    It has been an interesting week but before I get into it, I need to announce something into the AS universe:

    MY SISTER WAS SITTING NEXT TO BRITTANI AT THE URBANWORLD FESTIVAL!!!

    My sister comes home all happy and shit and I, excited, wanted the details.

    My Sister: I met Issa Rae, Oh my gooooooood, ahhhhhhhh!
    Me: AHHHHHHH WHAAAAAAAT!
    My Sister: She’s from Maryland and said I reminded her of her Nigerian friend, oh my god.
    Me: AHHHHHHHHH!
    [Cheering and jumping and maybe some tears of joy]
    My Sister: Okay, okay, so I was sitting next to this girl and we’re chilling and then she goes up to speak in this panel.
    Me: What Panel?
    My Sister: Oh my god you’ll love it it’s gay with women of color set in in LA….
    [My mind is racing about to loooooooose my shit]
    Me: Was it Words with Girls?
    My Sister: Yes, YES! YEEEEES!
    [I have lost my shit at this point]
    Me: WHAAAAAAT?! Were you sitting next to Brittani? [I was on AS like usual and pointed to Brittani’s picture]
    My Sister: Yes her!
    [We both scream]

    I grilled her more on each detail to and it was amazing and we came to the conclusion that our passions in minority/women creative work is our passion in film (my sister) and art (me).

    I plan on going to the Premiere tomorrow and not loose my shit but be cool and enthusiastic about the greatness I’m about to witness.

    In other news:

    I’m dating this girl and I like her because she laughs at my jokes and likes cheese.

    Happy Friday!

    • I wish I had like 12 more accounts so I could keep liking this post.

      When someone you like laughs at your jokes basically nothing else matters.
      Except for the proximity of the cheese.
      So, I think you are really good at dating.

    • This was the happiest post EVAR! You just made my day! It’s super cute that you fangirl like that, so no wonder your new ladyfriend laughs at your jokes. And liking cheese is really important. Well done.

  17. I have no resolutions because I can never keep them.

    My neighbours took in a parcel for me today..how kind…except they are either in and sitting in the dark and not answering the door or they went out leaving all the windows open….and my parcel sitting in their porch where I can see it…its taunting me. This is fully the most interesting thing that has happened to me this week…
    Other than finding lebkuchen in Sainsbury’s because as aforementioned Fall/ autumn is here and thus in England the Xmas stuff is on sale.

  18. I am still not sure what Fall weather is as I live in SoCal, which has extended summers. I think the closest we get to fall is our winters which are still like in the high 50s(F). That said my fall resolution is to drop the beer belly I’ve had for years to be prepared for all the tasty holiday food coming up, though I am vegan now.

    Since we last spoke, I mention I was going to do queer club that has karaoke a room. I was planning to get a few of the straddlers from the local FB group to show up, but alas only two lovely gentle-beings came. Pretty sure I embarrassed myself and the straddlers I was hanging with, with my dancing at the club; but, you do you.
    I did sing(mostly was sober) and surprisingly had fun on stage. Unfortunately, they did not have Judas Priest’s – Turbo Lover, so instead I sang You’ve Got Another Thing Coming by them. I have it on video, but sadly it’s too big of a file to share. Thank you for reading.

  19. Autumn is my favorite season, as well as my time to make personal resolutions-high fives for October birthdays! I’m turning 25, and I’d like to work on improving my life career-wise(not be a temp), personal life wise (snuggle with people other than my cat, even if she is adorable), health-wise (be a better a skater in roller derby!) and finally learn to drive, because I can’t keep blaming originally being from NY in the midwest any longer.

    Also-here is my pretty princess Zoey.

    • I spent the first 6 years of my life in upstate New York but have lived in Michigan since and I STILL say it’s ‘coz my family is a poor immigrant family from New York that I don’t care about not having a car lmfaooo

      • I’m from upstate too! So I really can’t blame using public transportation for my driving fails. At least the part of MI I’m in has a lot of busses!

        • Which part of the Mitten? I have been super nostalgic for the CATA buses of MSU lately because of my carlessness.

    • I like your list – good luck. And happy early birthday! I’m turning 25 in October too and I’m sort of terrified.

    • That’s pretty uncanny. I’m also from Upstate New York – Watertown-ish area. And I also blame not knowing how to drive on being a small town/country kid.

  20. This week had been pretty good all around. Today I was driving and passed a sign that said Free Books! and saw lots of tables. I quickly turned around and perused them all. I got some great classics and cookbooks. I found one book I’ve been wanting for years but haven’t necessarily wanted to buy yet. Great things happen when you don’t expect them.

  21. I have been meaning to make resolutions ALL MONTH (I guess one of them should be to procrastinate smarter), thanks for the incentive to publicize my rezzes and hold myself publicly accountable.

    1) GET A BIKE, I am done taking cabs just because I don’t want to walk the 20 minutes home from the train station in the dark by myself, that’s just silliness (also then I can carry way more groceries home, god bikes sound great, why don’t I have a bike?)
    2) LEARN TO CALENDAR, I’ve been doing this thing where I forget the day/date/general time of month and screw up all my plans because of it. gotta fully commit to the 4th dimension or somethin’
    3) Kinda in line with #2, FINISH PROJECTS, I am 10-60% done with at least four things that I am making for me and me alone, and I keep wanting to start more. No more of that. Probably.
    4) STOP SAYING YES SO MUCH. I like to respond yes to pretty much every invitation I get, which is awesome! It’s introduced me to a lot of great people and wonderful experiences! But it’s also unsustainable, bodily and economically, and if I want to be able to say yes to cooler stuff down the line, I gotta learn to take care of the ol’ meat suit.

    I tried to take a picture of my roommate’s cat but he’s mad at me because I didn’t give him any of my kale. sry bro.

    also is anyone else excited for corduroy weather? because that’s where I’m at right now, wondering when I can finally break out mah cords.

    • i made cutoff shorts from some old corduroys i’d been meaning to give away, and they are great and make me very happy. maybe that is the solution to your cords problem?

    • I hear you on learning to say, “No.” Everything is amazing and I want to say yes and then I’m constantly in just a little over my head.

  24. I’m not normally big on resolutions, but yesterday I did write out a core values list, which was interesting and may be useful for shifts in life. Nudging the flow or something. Or at least my perspective- remembering gratitude, kindness, respect, conservation and generosity.

    My wife was upset yesterday at work, so much so that she didn’t feel safe driving home. This happened a little over a month ago and she decided to go to the ER. It was not very helpful and quite expensive (the consequences of being uninsured). So this time she called me and my mother agreed to pick her up from work. When she got home she didn’t want to talk about it and may or may not be quitting her job today. At least she has applied for one other job and talked about applying for a few more. So that’s a bit stressful.

    I’m working on balancing being supportive of her and taking care of myself. At least my parents are able to be helpful. My dad even went by the ER billing department twice today to get a bill as they said they’ve sent it twice but it has not made it to our house.

    Hopefully my wife’s meds will help with her depression so she feels more functional. And then we were planning on trying to have a kid. We’ve seen the fertility specialist where she made a deposit before she started transitioning. My thyroid levels were a bit off so I’m on meds trying to get those worked out and then we can try getting pregnant. Because there’s never a perfect time for such things anyways. Yeah, life.

    • Wow, damn. Just, damn. That’s a lot to handle. You sound like you’re just trying to take it all in, and you can’t start to process it until you know you’ve got it all, but it just keeps coming. I’m sending you positive vibes. You seem very down to earth, and just know your wife sounds like she knows she has support. The dosing for the meds is the hardest part, because it’s so tricky at the start, and can be too strong, or not strong enough. Just make mental notes about eating and sleeping behaviours, as a way to help out. Best wishes!!!

      • Aww, thanks Lolau! The positive vibes are much appreciated. Friday when my wife got home from work she said they asked her not to come in for her last two weeks, though she will get paid for them. So at least she has more time for applying for other jobs, though it seems like there is some amount of grief processing for the loss of the job even though it was stressful.

        While I was getting stressed from trying to deal with the ER bills, I took a breath and made a cup of tea. The two little ones whom I watch (usually there are five of them but for the afternoon we were down to two) kindly agreed to go outside and sit on the porch swing with me while I drank my tea. Then they did yoga and made me smile.

        Yesterday I did have a bit of sadness from the stress, but my wife was able to cuddle me and it helped. I’m trying to be kind to myself. Thanks again for your note!

  25. January tends to be really dark and depressing for me so Fall seems like a much better time to make these kinds of resolutions. Let’s see…

    1. Finish grad school. (Just dropped out, one down already!)

    2. Visit California girlfriend.

    3. Finish plans to move in with California girlfriend.

    4. Finally get something pierced / tattooed.

    5. Income source? Maybe?

  26. Ok, so the people I process my shit with are out of town and/or sick, so I’m gonna just post it here. My week was full of ups and downs. Highlights include getting on top of sending some important emails, and my first paper getting accepted for publication. BUT the low point was being told by my advisor that he’s never really observed any sexism among mathematicians. What? Well of course he hasn’t! He’s a dude! But I was so taken aback because it’s so much a part of the fabric of my everyday life that I was momentarily stunned into not knowing how to respond. When I recovered I mumbled some personal anecdotes but didn’t quite manage to directly say that no, actually, he was wrong, and particularly in reagard to hiring there are actual studies that show bias exists. So now I’m wondering if I should bring it up to him again, in an email or in person, and say something more articulate that can be backed up with published studies.

    And here are my cats sitting on their new cat furniture in fabulous double decker fashion (that is, if dropbox works for linking….)

      • Fun lil nugget that I learned from a Coursera course: dropbox image links don’t embed unless you change “www” to “dl”

        also your cats ARE BEAUTIFUL. also your adviser is face-with-a-slash-for-a-mouth. Congrats on getting your paper accepted!

    • The image isn’t working! I am sorry about your advisor. Even as someone who is normally pretty outspoken, I can struggle with this at times too (since I’m originally a shy baby-face), so I’ve done follow-up emails and messages under the guise of “I didn’t know what to tell you right then and there but what you said bothered me and here is why, please consider it.” I find that a lot of people are pretty responsive to it, too, and they’ll often be like “Shoot, did I bother her enough to merit her thinking about it after?! Dang.” Good luck!

    • Yeah, I think an email after the fact is a good way to go. One, because it does show that you put thought into it, and two, because then there is documentation pointing to his unconscious-but-present sexism, should it ever become an issue for you. What kind of advisor is this person? Is he your boss? A personal advisor, financial advisor? It kind of changes the dynamic. The best advice I can give though, is that what other people think of you is none of your business. So, as long as there isn’t going to be a personal repercussion for telling it like it is, go ahead and say as much as you want in any way you want to. HE obviously had no problem casually saying exactly what was on his mind. Why should you?

  27. I don’t do resolutions, but I did just recently decide to go to college after 14 years of being like ‘ehhhhhhhh, no thanks.’

    So there’s that.

    Oh also I’ll try to take more pictures of my dog for when Carmen hosts the open thread.
    That’s very important.

    • Congratulations on making that decision. I need to get back to school. I’m hoping transitioning will free up some brainpower and emotional torturous do that I can get back to school too.

      • Thanks:)
        It was a tough road to finally choose, especially now that I’m married, because ya know, the other person has to be able to weigh in on the decision and stuff. IT’S SO WEIRD/AWESOME.

        I hope that you find your way to your goals as well.
        It took me forever to figure out that I’ll never be too old or too stuck in a pattern to change my life or my ways of thinking so I can grow and enjoy the simple act of existing.
        It sounds like you are working hard for yourself and your happiness too, and I adore when people love themselves that much.
        It’s fucking gorgeous.

    • Congrats on the school decision. That’s rad.

      Also I feel like these dog pictures are important, too. Let’s see ’em.

      • I’M GLAD YOU ASKED.
        I HAVE MADE YOU THIS COLLAGE IN RESPONSE.

        I seriously never thought I’d be THIS into my dog.

        I’m constantly worried that we might have kids some day and we’ll love the dog so intensely they’ll be able to feel it and then we’ll have raised all these gorgeously perfect little humans who grow up to be stunningly complex, interesting, hilarious, passionate adult humans who will always feel that their mother loved the dog just A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH and they might have a complex about it.

        The entire pot of coffee I drank an hour ago might be playing a role in this erratic response; it often does.

        Oh, here is that collage I promised sixteen paragraphs ago!
        Happy Weekending :):)

  31. I just left Whole Foods because the fire alarm was going off (the second time I’ve experienced that today). But it was maybe good because I got to see a hot girl like three extra times! Wooo.

    My fall resolution is to be better at balancing more aspects of my self/life. I tend to get super focused on one thing and ignore all else and I’d like to be a more balanced person.

    Today I wrote an essay that I’m really excited about and this weekend I have a mountain bike race at 10,000 ft which essentially equates not breathing for an hour and a half. But in a good way because the downhills are going to be fucking killer.

    Life feels really good in a way it doesn’t always and I’m lovin’ it.

  32. Man, I was thinking the same thing about the weather this morning. It was so lovely yesterday and today it’s dipping into the 80s. I have all of these sweaters to wear! Let me wear them mother nature!

    Let’s see let’s see, My Fall Resolutions:
    1.) Pass my classes with a B or better (but really at this point I will settle for a C, I just want to be DONE)
    2.) Pay off my credit card by Thanksgiving
    3.) Finish at least a whole chapter of my novel by Christmas. (Okay, so I keep attempting NaNoWriMo but I don’t succeed, and I haven’t decided if I want to try it again this year or not- anyone else trying?)

    And that’s all I can think of, off the top of my head anyway. Oooh, so I went on a fantabulous date with a lovely girl last Saturday (we met online months ago, and she lives right across the border in Kansas, and our schedules finally worked out for it) and I’m basically a head-over-heels doofus who keeps singing along to every corny romance song on the radio right now. I don’t really know for sure yet if she wants to do the long distance thing, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

    And alas I have no pictures of my devil cat to share but NEXT TIME MAYBE.

  33. Fall resolutions

    1. Study really hard the next three weeks and pass my PhD qualifying exams.
    2. Stop buying Starbucks because there is an espresso machine in my office and I can use the money I save to pay off my car loan early.
    3. Actually make it to yoga at least once a week.

  34. I feel this so bad. Right now a new friend whom I am rapidly getting the good vibes about offered me a room to stay in while I’m broke and trying to assemble some kind of life, which is great because I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM MY FATHER.

    But that means telling him I’m moving out, which means risking losing ALL support from him, which includes such frivolities as my phone, my car, MY HORMONES. (I’d sooner give up air than that last one.)

    Then I have to get on the therapy train, because either I need disability or I need to be coping with disability, and not to mention all the baggage from my last job, to be working. And then, y’know, find a job. ~so easy~. And I guess I’m going to need to go back to the dentist because my wisdom teeth decided to erupt from my lower jaw yesterday morning.

    Compared to all that, the anxiety of going to the PDX AS game night on tuesday (my first general queer lady shindig since transitioning) is a much needed reprieve. I just have to CONTROL MY EXPECTATIONS. Super excellent friendships don’t begin in a night. Right?

    • I totally feel the trying to move out family drama thing right now. I’m glad you’re getting some independence though :)

      • Welcome to your beautiful queer life. Rock that game night. Do what you have to do to be safe and happy and OK, whatever that means for you.

        We’ve got your back! <3

    • You will be awesome at that game night.
      And I bet there are a million super excellent friendships that start out as several awkward interactions across game boards with strangers.
      Putting yourself out there is hard, and I’m always excited to hear about someone who is determined to do it.
      Have the best time ever!

      I also live in PDX and if you haven’t seen an oral surgeon yet for a wisdom tooth extraction consultation, or your regular dentist has referred you to someone you’re just not that into, this is a guy that my office (i am a dental assistant at a general restorative office) refers patients to when they are in need of a specialist who can offer them help with payment plans if money is an issue for them.
      http://www.radakovichoralsurgery.com/
      (I don’t know the doctor personally, and I’m not sure what their payment plans are like, but I like to throw out whatever info I can to people who are researching dental offices, just in case you don’t know where to start.)

      I have personally had treatment performed at this other office, and they are really great surgeons. I also was able to make reasonable (for me and my income) payments on my account with them every month (like $30) without them giving me trouble after my insurance claims came back and left me with a large balance. (I’m a big fan of Dr. Bui and Dr. Bobek.)
      http://www.head-neck.com/

      Sorry if this is all info that you don’t need or want!
      I just had a lot of coffee today and I’m stalking this thread while I pet my dog and marathon season 3 of Breaking Bad while my partner is out riding her bike and being a much more productive human than I.

      Oh and while you’re waiting to see a surgeon about your wisdom teeth, try doing several swishes a day with warm salt water if the teeth are already erupting through your gums. That’ll keep the bacteria to a minimum. It can get pretty gross in those pockets and under those flaps of gum tissue.
      Wisdom teeth suck!

      I’m fist pumping for you and the promise of your beautiful queer life.

    • I said this in an earlier reply to someone else, but call your local mental health crisis line and ask for resources to affordable therapy. They’ll give you every option that’s out there. Things like Catholic Family Services are sliding scale or subsidized, and not religious at all – you go to a counsellor, and their fees are paid by Catholic Family Services. I don’t know how you’d feel about that, but it’s an example and a start. I’m getting therapy through a local university, where a Master’s student is getting in their hours of therapy with me. :D

    • I would like to offer you a hug right now. It sounds like your plate is full, but beginning your new life is a wonderful thing. Just remember that you don’t need to rush and there are people out here who’ll support you. Do what you can, as you can, when it feels right and safe. It also sounds as if you’ve got a great new friend who’s going to be there for you, which is utterly wonderful, because who doesn’t love a positive new being in their life.

  35. -No more straight girls.
    -Get that work placement gig I’ve had my eye on.
    -Cook mildly healthy food so that when I have blood tests done my doctor doesn’t look at it and go “YOU EAT LIKE CRAP”. Again.
    -Adopt an Olivia Pope like confidence when working.

  36. hi; you’re awesome. today I’ve had the first happy day in many moons since getting dumped and many kind straddlers on fb and open threads totally helpppppped me get here. Thank you.

  37. Ahh It’s been an interesting week! Some good stuff, some…annoying stuff, but hey, overall I’d say I’m having a great time! I wish we had fall weather where we live. It seems that the year is divided between “omg hot hot HOT” and “GO AWAY COLD WIND”. I still look forward to the season, though. Much baking to be done.

    I forgot to mention last week that I’ve decided to go vegetarian! I told my parents, and even got my little brother to join, as well. It’s been pretty easy, considering that I never ate a ton of meat before, anyways. I apologize to the amazing lesbo-vegans here, I could not bring myself to give up milk.

    Anyways, much love to you guys! Hope you have a brilliant weekend.

  38. Ugh, I love making goal lists. I make one every third (Fall, Winter, Summer) of the year and check stuff off if applicable. I still need to make my fall one, but I would say my biggest goal is to run consistently whether that’s outside or at the gym when it gets too snowy/icy. I’m moving to a new area soon so I really want to get in the groove of being active now.
    Also, I have to remind myself to buy some apple cider at the grocery store this weekend! Then I can have hot apple cider all the time and not be tempted to buy expensive cider when I go to coffee shops.

    • Also! I don’t know where you guys are that you’re having nice summer weather, but here in Michigan it’s late fall weather. This morning it was 38! That’s too cold for September.
      Also, also: I love making goals so much that I am really enjoying reading everyone else’s. Nerd for life.

  39. My week I can’t remember so much because lots of flashbacks? We’re starting to process my past/family in therapy and I brought in baby pictures and read my old papers/diaries so I kind of over-triggered myself but overall, I think my week was pretty good.

    Fall Resolutions:
    -Write everyday (which I’ve been doing! It’s a miracle really)
    -Reach out for help when things get really bad
    -Make eye contact with people a little more
    -Deflect less/tell the truth more cause I can trust a lot of the people I’m with now, and I have to remind myself it’s okay to be human around them so yes
    -Freak out like .5% less when pretty girls talk to me
    -Go see that one girl who probably thinks I’m mad at her cause I didn’t get the job but I dIDN’T KNOW I CHECKED MY MESSAGES TWO MONTHS LATER AND NEVER WENT BACK TO THE STORE CAUSE SHE’S TOO PRETTY
    -Dye my hair. I love the blonde, but maybe I’ll do colors soon

    Ahh this was good, I feel a lot better, so thank you all :) I hope everyone has a lovely weekend!

  40. Omg you’re not the only one. I am so beyond done with this summer from hell, that if i can even put it behind me symbolically, it might be nice. That and cold weather.

    I’m sorry i didn’t reply to people’s comments the last time i posted… again. :( I suck and life sucks. I was inpatient again last week but got out in time for SPX Saturday. My week has been really difficult. My paranoia is out of control; i’m convinced that people hate me, are ignoring and avoiding me, are talking about me behind my back, the whole 9 yards. I’ve been really depressed on top of it. And then today was a pretty good day, but i get back to the house and am tired and paranoid and afraid im bothering people and oh my god what the hell. It’s all draining, all frustrating, and im terrified of losing people because of all this. I understand needing breaks to care for themselves, i understand not always being able to be a support, but my paranoia is telling me “they hate you and are ignoring you because they hate you and want to leave you”. And i can’t keep asking for validation and comfort, or i really will drive people people away, because they’ll be wholly sick of me.

    So. I dunno. It’s still rough, and i feel confused, scared, paranoid, uncertain.

  41. I had a wee bit of an existential crisis last weekend and almost decided to quit my job because lack of life balance and being overwhelmed and I cried a lot and dusted off tarot cards and made lists and looked at astrology stuff (oh lucky 31 yr old am I that I am still in the Saturn return thingy) and journaled and did some artsy stuff and decided I care about this too much and my challenge is to strive for a full and fulfilling life within this craziness. And I came up with all kinds of ideas for living more fully. So, yeah, season feels resolution-y.

    Pets:

    My roommate’s dog sneaks onto my bed every chance he gets and is good at looking doofy. My cat is good at having rbf.


    “I’m pretty sure I belong here.”

    In pursuit of a full life (which includes a social life), I am going to a queer dance party tonight despite the fact that I am working tomorrow from probably 11am until 3am Sunday when I am going to collapse on the bus to the people’s climate march in nyc (I’m so excited!). I am wearing a shirt that has been described as “really hot and yet kinda creepy, at the same time”:

  42. I never end up making resolutions because I always forget them or just never actually do them. My week was pretty good I’m super excited about the fall weather. Sadly the kitten I found last weekend as a stray ended up having a home after all and after the week of taking care of it and having a super cute two month old kitten around the owner came and took it back. Now I’m debating if I can afford or should get another kitten as a replacement.

  43. Rosh Hashanah, which is the Jewish New Year, starts on Wednesday night, so I always try to set resolutions/goals. I don’t know what mine are yet, so I can’t share them.

    This week was supposed to be awesome, but it wasn’t as awesome as it should have been. I was supposed to go on a date, which never happened, but we did talk on the phone for over an hour last night. Meanwhile, I still have a crush on someone who I’m 95% sure has no interest in me, so that’s a total bummer.

    I have another 2 show night tonight- we had a show at 7 and one at 10:30. Last Friday, I missed the train by a minute, and I had to wait 40 minutes for the next one. I got out of work at around 12:15 am and didn’t get home until 1:30. It should not take me that long to get home. Ugh, NYC MTA.

    Now I’m going to listen to songs about feelings.

  44. Things happening in my kitchen this Friday night: NPR, carmelized onion and mushroom galette, ginger and honey apple sauce. Quiet night, but delicious.

  45. Okay vegetable lovers I have a vegetable mystery, any of you want to take a crack at it?

    CLUES:
    fuschia colour
    weakly tastes of ginger
    crunchy like a turnip
    came from a Lebanese focused Middle Eastern restaurant

  46. Fall resolutions:
    -keep running
    -make more queer friends
    -force myself to get out and do something even when i would rather curl up in bed and stare at the wall
    -make this (first! help!) big fat lesbian crush on a straight girl go away

    • I have so much trouble with the third thing! I always wanna curl up in bed. Gonna steal that one for my personal resolutions. Also, sorry about the straight girl :/

  47. 1. Remain a non-smoker for the rest of the year (I recently quit).

    2. Do well in school.

    3. Exercise more and remain a pescetarian.

    4. Date more (or at all, really!).

    5. Finish furnishing and decorating my apartment.

  48. I actually went to Starbucks today to get my pumpkin spice latte fix, but it wasn’t that cold so I got a pumpkin spice frappucino instead. And a pumpkin shaped cookie!

    Also, the grocery store I work in got our pumpkin chocolate chip muffins last week! I bought a box, of course. I’m a little weak to seasonal exclusive items, but I especially like fall seasonal flavors.

  50. This week I called to make an appointment at the doctor’s office to check out a lump I felt in my breast.

    Good times. Wish me luck next Wednesday that I made it up and/or its just a cyst or something benign.

    • I had the same thing happen to me last year, and it turned out to be a benign fibroadenoma (benign cluster of tissue), but I had to go through the process of having an ultrasound and then having a biopsy. It was scary, but you have to try to stay positive throughout the process! It’s great that you’re having it checked and chances are, it’s really nothing :)

      Good luck! Let me know if you have any questions.

    • luck luck luck.

      i hope the process of determining what’s all up in there isn’t too hard on you.
      it’s scary and it’s nerve-wracking, but you can always keep coming back to us for support.

      We’re here, we care, get used to it!

      (too much??)

      <3<3<3

  52. I don’t really have any specific resolutions, but this September does sort of feel like a turning point. My paid internship thing that was part of my graduate certificate ended in August. They kept me around for September, but staying beyond that is sort of up in the air. I am only on leave of absence from my retail job, and I was supposed to be back by now, but I’m still hoping I can stick around at my internship. I have to decide if I should give up my safety net retail job and try to talk my way into a few more months at this job, with the hopes that I’ll be able to find a permanent job in my field soon after that. ACK!

    I’ve been chatting with a super cool, super cute girl on OK Cupid, which is awesome. It’s also kind of a big deal for me because I’ve never had the guts to date women before now. That wasn’t a major problem when I still identified (in my head) as bi, but once my sexuality evolved to super-gay, I realized I couldn’t continue to be such a chicken.

    So I guess my fall resolution would be to not screw everything up with my usual habit of hiding out from scary things and hoping they go away.

    • Dude. I feel you so hard on the dating thing.
      When I started chatting ladies on the OKC, I was all HOW DO YOU EVEN DO THIS WHAT IS GOING ON for like months.
      Congrats on blowing through that wall and getting all up in it.
      I hope you chat with/meet as many cute/cool girls as your heart desires.

  53. Maybe it’s just because I was either IN school or TEACHING school all of my life until last year, but fall with it’s back to school ness has always felt like New Years to me. Fall resolutions. I’m on board.
    I’m going to: start running. (Again. And not stop after 3 days.), eat more vegetables, cook a new recipe every week, keep up this serious monthly budget thing, and write in my Queer Diary at least twice a week.

    As for my day it was kind of the best. The Chicago Symphony Orchestra did a free concert on the park tonight. They played all Tchaikovsky whom I LOVE!! So two friends and I went and had a picnic and listened to amazing music in perfect weather. Perfectly cool, sun setting over the skyline. It was one of those nights where there is so much beauty in the world it almost hurts.

  54. I really don’t want summer to end at all because i’ll miss the nice weather =/. I love the changing color of the leaves though.

    Plans for this weekend is: Riot Fest

  55. There really is something in the air. I’ve been contemplating my life stuff a lot lately, trying to figure out how to keep many things in balance while making room for new things!

    – Make time for poetry and writing for myself.

    – Move my body more – get into an exercise routine that works
    (HOW? I have never been successful at this. People have tips?)

    – Cook at home more often. Maybe figure out how to cook for the week so I’m not always grabbing nutritionally questionable fast food at night.

    – Go back to vegetarianism. After almost 10 years of being vegan, I’m going back for practical reasons and, moreover, for personal and socio-political reasons. It’s weird and complicated and I’m still going to be mostly vegan in diet, but not 100%. Cheese is really weirding me out. It’s been so long…

    • There is an excellent smartphone app – Nexercise – which gives you points that you can turn into real rewards (Amazon gift cards, etc.) for exercising. This app has changed my life and my hatred of exercise!

      • Thanks, Al! This looks cool. Do you feel like it’s super weight loss focused? I see it is described as a weight loss tool, which is really not my thing, but if the app itself is relatively size-positive and just tracks exercise, I think that’d be awesome.

  56. 1. Exercise more (4-6 times a week)
    2. Eat healthy (no dairy, no gluten)
    3. Do the dishes before my wife can do them
    4. Work on keeping the house clean
    5. Walk or play with the dog every day
    6. Give our elderly kitty lots of love and good food
    7. Give my wife lots of love

  57. Despite my great morning things are no longer okay. There is a wildfire very close to my parent’s house. They are on level 1 evacuation notice. I’m really scared for them and our pets. My cat is old and always has been the nervous type I just hate that I can’t be there for him right now. I’m only one who can really calm him in stressful situations. They at least are able to pack things up, I’m just nervous that if something happens I’ll realize I forgot to tell them about some irreplaceable item. I’m just a bundle of anxious nerves. Doesn’t help one bit that I’ve had nightmares about this exact situation before.

  59. It’s Spring in the Southern hemisphere, so here are my Spring resolutions:

    – Keep on track with my dissertation. I’ve had other big (but related) projects on the hob for the past six months and they’ve been distracting me from the big one that will actually get me my doctorate. So I’ve got to put in a little bit more effort now to keep my diss running smoothly (and on schedule!).

    – ETHICS CLEARANCE BY NOVEMBER. Dissertation related, again.

    – Get back into my regular yoga practice. I broke my tail bone climbing a volcano at the beginning of the year and it’s taken an excruciatingly long time to heal. My yoga practice has completely fallen by the wayside as a result and it’s all a bit disappointing not to have the routine any more.

    – Finish my most recent cosplay in time for the November Supanova convention and stride into the con like the total badass I am. (I’m doing Fili the Dwarf from The Hobbit, btw.)

    The list is longer but these are the really important ones. :)

  60. I’ve been spending the weekend so far studying

    … I also got some books in from the library.

    In all seriousness, I’m really looking forward to meeting new people at the upcoming Feast festival. I’m also excited to be hosting (!!!) a sex toy workshop and maybe going to a Sleaze ball (!?!?!)

    Oh, and I’m nearly done with that assignment I actually am studying for.

      • Fixed! Just had to add .jpg.

        I am very curious about what a Sleaze ball is. (I assume something sexy and fun?)

        • The Feast program says: ‘Indulge and stimulate your senses in a sexy celebration of sight, sound, sleaze, tease and titillation at this naughty, erotic and exotic
          Festival dance party. Dress up and come as you like to be seen, leave
          no experience untouched, no stone unturned and enjoy like-minded
          company in one of Adelaide’s most popular gay venues. Come one,
          come all – just come! Don’t miss out on the party of the year.’

          Here’s hoping it is sexy and fun! :)

  61. I don’t really have any fall resolutions.
    As for my week, I spent most of this week fighting a cold and trying not to freak out while all of my professors started announcing the assignments.

    I also went to a PRIDE group at the University. I’m a student at the college but it doesn’t have any kind of LGBTQ+ groups so I slipped in with the University crowd. I came out to one of my good friends too, and I am pretty sure I got asked out on a date by one of the girls I met at the PRIDE group. I’ve only ever been asked out by guys before and because I’ve never been interested in them I’ve never paid any attention to what they were really saying so I have no idea if she was asking me to go for coffee as a friend or if it’s actually a date. I guess I’ll find out next weekend.

    • Wow!! Coming out to a friend and being unsure if you’re on a date are two pretty big steps in the lesbian life story timeline. Congrats!

    • Great news about joining the uni Pride group. Having a support network and being with other queers are two very good things. Personally I think it make such a difference. I was without a real community until last year (which made for a very long time without a community) and I love them, even though I feel somewhat disconnected because of language barriers (that’s what you get when you’re the foreigner). I tried my uni group once, and I’ve never felt more alone in a room. So I’m so happy that you met these nice people early on in your queer life.

      Also, regards not knowing if you’ve got a date date or a friend date, I still never know. Go enjoy it though, and you’ll work it out as you go alone. Most importantly have fun.

      • Thank you!
        I’m glad to hear you have a community you feel welcome in now.
        I spent the last couple years I was in high school dying to have some kind of community I could be part of and actually be myself around. I’m not out to very many people yet so it feels great have somewhere I can really express myself. I am really glad that they took me in so easily. It kind of sucks that it takes an hour to get there because they’re on the other side of town but it’s well worth it.

        Thank you, I’m sure I will have fun. I’ll probably embarrass myself because I suck at social situations but I will definitely enjoy it.

  62. Hello lovely people,

    Autumn seems to have arrived in Istanbul. Today is a beautiful day with both sunshine and coolness in the air. Which is a big improvement on the horrid rain we’ve had this week. It was nice to actually have cold toes the other day and this morning was one of those days for enjoying the cool morning air from my bed, staring at the sky. Would have been nice to have someone to share the view and my French roast with though.

    This week has mostly been quiet. I’ve still been moping a bit, and not writing enough but it’ll pass. Today I really need to do some work for a Coursera course I’m studying, just not feeling that inclined right now.

    No pets to speak of, so I make do with visiting friends and making a fuss of their fury companions. Unfortunately I’m short on pics right now so I can’t share their cute faces.

    As for resolutions, journal more and finish the giant pile of articles I’ve squirrelled away are at the top of that list.

    • Your writing is poetic. And you weren’t alone – I’ve been waking up this week in exactly the same position. My bed is an old cast-iron deal, with a canopy over top, pressed up against the wall so that the window is centred, and every day I’ve looked out, there’s been a blue sky, and the air coming in is crisp and makes me curl the blankets around my feet. :) It’s perfect. I have a lovely view of a giant oak, with green leaves turning brown and fraying at the edges. What kind of view do you have?

      • Thank you; that was such a lovely message to wake up to.

        Your bed sounds very beautiful; it made me miss my own bed, which has been in storage for seven years. It has beautiful gothic arches making up the head and foot boards. One day, hopefully in the not too distant future, I will return home, collect all my boxes and unpack my life and enjoy it again.

        You win with the view, in fact I’m so envious of it. I don’t have anything even half as pretty to look at. I live in a concrete jungle, and this is the view I get from my bed:

        If I lean back I get a little extra sky. As you can see, today it’s not so pretty. The wall behind my bed is also windows, so I get a lot of light; it kind of compensates for the lack of a view. I shouldn’t complain, it’s better than the place I was a few moths back, and it’s much more than some people have.

  63. I started reading this thread yesterday but fell asleep before I could post – stupid timezones, and hectic work/school schedules!

    I started my first official job this week! It’s been good – everyone has been super helpful and I haven’t messed up too badly yet, other than putting some products in the wrong places and not knowing the prices of everything yet. I’m getting there!

    I don’t know, this week has been intense. Life-wise it’s been pretty good: I started a new job and a new school and I like both of them, and it feels like I’m actually going places for once! Mental-health wise, I’ve been pretty much a mess. I’ve done things that I thought I had gotten over, but I guess that served me as wake-up call to realise that something has to change. My long-distance boifriend person is visiting on Monday, and I look forward to not only being together but being able to discuss all the things we’ve fought over through the phone. It’ll be good.

    I think my only resolution is to keep my shit together for the remainder of the school year. I can do that. (Maybe if I repeat it enough it’ll come true!)

    • I totally stayed up waiting for this post, but it never appeared before I fell asleep. So now I am reading the whole damn thing like it’s the Bible, and getting it all out of my system now. If you did get to read the other posts, you’ll notice that you’re not the only one with mental health oobles happening. Tis the season. Keeping your shit together through school is pretty much the best thing you can do for yourself. The rest is gravy. Also, sorting through/sexing away all the tension with your long distance person should help a lot. Use it as a conveyor belt to push you along your road to Shit Togetherness, and prepare to be smothered in gravy.

  64. Oh my goodness! This is my first East Coast fall (I’ve dealt with seasons before, but I AM from Southern California…).

    1. Stick to regular exercise! (set up already- tap on Sundays, Zumba on Tues, Yoga on Weds, I just need to figure out the other days.)

    2. Be organized with my time. (you guys, nursing school is insane.)

    3. Cut down on procrastination. (like seriously, nursing school is insane.)

    4. Go to my therapy appointment. (OCD makes the procrastination worse, yo.)

    5. Find new ways to cook delicious things with squash.

    • Oh man, east coast fall.
      I miss me some long-ass drives through Vermont.

      Good luck with your insane school insanity.

      Please post all future squash-related recipes!

      :):)

  65. Bonjour ayikoo y hola!

    How are all you lovelies doing?
    I am phenomenal because…because!!! BECAUSE!!!! my beautiful, astonishing, ravishing, amazing wife got a 2 year+ contract in first nations healthcare. Community-based, directed by first nations (this is the first Canadian province to do so)!!!! Cherries on top of the cake are: it’s a 45 minute walk to work (perfect for her), both her bosses are women, we both get extended healthcare!
    She gets to wake up and feel positive in the mornings! We won’t lose our home!
    *running around with my arms in the air and doing happy banshee impersonations*

    As perspective I would like to offer this snippet about my wife – she will go out at 3am to find a 24 hour coffee shop to get me a chai tea latte when I have a migraine, because it helps. She is the most thoughtful, amazing person, and I am so grateful to have been with her for 14 years!

  66. I don’t really do resolutions, if I assign myself a task or goal like that I sometimes get spiteful and don’t accomplish it out of hard-headedness.

    Anyway, pet pics, it’s PHOEBE!

    My good morning yesterday:

    Watching Parks and Rec before being productive today:

    I do need to figure something out, though. I have a cis lady friend whom I trust to give me straight talk. She told me that I need to put on some weight. That doing so will help me to soften up, and get a little bit of curve. (if you haven’t guessed or read my past comments, I’m a trans woman.)

    I think that she is right, but I’m sure no one will be surprised to find out that I have some body issues. It is difficult to know what my weight should be since I’m now in a weird gender middle-ground. (just over six months on HRT)

    Here is where I risk making many folks mad. There really is no reason that I shouldn’t be gaining weight. Yes, I run, but much less than I should be considering I ran my first half marathon this year and want to improve on that. So anyway, I run a little. I eat EVERYTHING. I’m super hormonal, and really hungry all of the time. I indulge myself far beyond what I should. Additionally, three months ago, my testosterone was just above the high reading for a cis woman and at that time, my doctor increased my Spiro. By now I should be at almost nil testosterone, with high estrogen.

    So, I should be gaining tons of weight. But I’m not. The worst thing is that thinking about this generates a sort of ouroborous of anxiety thanks to my body issues. I’m so afraid of being fat, but I do think that I should gain some weight. And if I’m not gaining weight while eating like I’ve been eating and being only moderately active (I think that’s a fair assessment of my current level of activity) I just don’t know what I can do. I’ve got labs coming up, maybe my hormone levels are off somehow.

    So yeah, that is a mess. Thanks unattainable beauty standards!

    Outside of that, I run a support group for trans people which has been going well, but I have a personal conflict with a group member who seems intent on driving me insane. We were sort of friends before, but we are two very different ladies. She has hurt me in Facebook messages and passive aggressive comments (which may be misinterpreted somewhat by me because it often seems like we are speaking different languages.) But, I can’t take that chance, I had to cut her out of my personal life (like blocking her on social media.) I knew that doing so would be drama-filled, and I had just done my best to ignore her before, but things have gotten to where she is just upsetting me and making me feel sick.

    She posts positive things about group and how much I’ve improved it since becoming the facilitator, but then she complains about me to the administration of the LGBT community center which the group is a part of. Fortunately, they can see her being two faced in this manner and don’t put much stock in what she says. They’ve told me that they get positive reports from several people and feel I’m doing a good job. So that’s good. We are able to be cordial in group, but I do not need her in my life. It’s a tough balance.

    So in a total 180 from those stressful things… I may have felt a little mischievous when I snapped this recently:

    I’m really in love with this raw-quartz necklace.

    • wow the raw quartz is stunning! and you pull it off very well; stylish.
      Is your adorable dog part corgi? She’s awesome.
      Ugh cutting people off from a shared social group is so tough. It would be extra challenging in your role as group leader, i imagine. The weird thing that helped me when cutting off a person recently was reading Temple Grandin’s book Animals Make Us Human. She’s an (autistic) world authority on animal welfare, and she really helped me understand the interactions between emotion and behavior (which is conserved in humans and animals). So I could understand why emotionally I needed to get away from someone, even if logically i should be able to talk out whatever issue with them. It made me feel better to learn that my brain was working the way it had evolved to, and I shouldn’t feel like i’d failed or was being too emotional to cut her out. i don’t know if that helps you at all, but just wanted to say i appreciated your comments and hope things improve with the group environment and this person. good luck!

      • Thanks for the note on the necklace. I went into a place called Charming Charlies, and really wanted to buy all of the things, but was able to keep it to this. (Transition expenses, but the occasional indulgence is okay.)

        Phoebe is (as far as I know) full blooded Pembroke Welch Corgi.

        We totally went to a corgi-con at a local dog park this year!

        She’s my buddy and really helps with my peace of mind. Oh, and helps fill my snuggle quota.

        I didn’t mention that after our last group meeting, the person in question wanted to talk. I actually tried to slip away while she was distracted with a trans man, because I knew what she would have to say, and I’m just finished with it. Anyway, she basically chased me down (I let her, because it would have been totally rude not to, but I was tempted.) She talked at me for what felt like an hour (but probably was only 5 minutes or so.)

        Anyway, I let her know about how she had hurt me once I had a chance to talk. She did acknowledge that we are very different ladies. But then she went back around into this issue she had with me. She had messaged me the night before pride, asking “what time is the pride…” And I never checked the message because I saw that in the preview, and knew I couldn’t read it without losing my sh*t. I had posted the schedule for everything in our facebook group for the support group. The LGBT community center had posted it on their facebook page, and on their awesome and easy to read web-page, and I had re-posted it on my personal facebook page. I was just so upset that she couldn’t use any other resource than me. This has been a pattern. Wow I’m going tangential.. But I signed up to be the facilitator because I want to help people, absolutely I do. The community center gets a few trans related emails, and I’m happy to share my knowledge with those people, or put out the call to my community contacts to get information for them. But a forty-something-year-old lady who pushes all of my buttons can put in the tiny amount of elbow grease it takes to find the schedule for Pride! (phew..)

        So our conversation ended with her saying “all I ask is that if I ask you a question, you answer it, that’s your role…” (remember that I’d been listening to her rant for however long at this point) I cut her off, did this sassy hip cocked finger wave and said “I don’t need you to tell me my role.” And the lights were providentially timed perfectly so that I was able to cross the street and walk away.

        Not the most mature response, I know that. But I was so fed up, and like I said sometimes it is as though she and I are speaking different languages. She said as I was walking away (and I did not acknowledge hearing this) that “your role is whatever the group says it is.” A)No, the community center gave me their expectations, I actually define my role from there. I want to help people, but I am not spoon feeding grown women who have a habit of asking me the most ridiculous questions. “Let me google that for you?” Seriously? and B) She was saying ‘the group’ but really was saying that she defines my role. And that is just not true.

        Haha. Um. Yeah. I’m actually pretty over most of this, but I can get a little steamed about it still. I’m very interested in this Animals Make Us Human book! I appreciate your appreciation of my comments. When I posted the first one this morning, I immediately thought, okay.. that’s maybe a bit of over-sharing for the Friday Open Thread..

        • aaaa corgiiiis! their ears are the same length as their legs heheheh i love them. thank you for those adorable pics.
          i can relate to what you said; I’m also trying to make progress expressing myself to people. Sounds like you cleared the air; that’s great and hope things are easier moving forward. it sounds like she’s a bit out in left field to me, for what it’s worth.
          i think that was a take-home for me when reading that Temple Grandin book. i tend to hold things in and accommodate to be diplomatic and avoid confrontation but then stuff just escalates too much (as human brains are programmed to do, I learned) for me to be able to deal with it calmly. So in the future i plan on mentioning things earlier, as it will be a lot less painful (for both parties) even if i come to the same conclusion in the end (i.e., i don’t want this person in my life). I can also say i thought the chapter on dogs was so interesting in that book. I originally got it to try and learn to be a good dog caretaker in the future. Congrats on getting Phoebe; she’s all kinds of awesome.

        • Sounds like you’re doing the best you can in a truly annoying situation! I’d say to just stick with the (completely reasonable!) boundaries you’ve already set and you will be okay!!
          Also keep wearing that necklace is AMAZING. I am so envious!

    • Ha – I very much identify with making and then not keeping resolutions just as some sort of inner rebellion. Getting to the point where I trust myself more — of I’m seeing that these are changes I would like, maybe I should just go with them for a while and see how they work out. It helps when I try to focus my goals on things that I really value, not just the resolutions that I think I should make. But, yeah – I definitely get that! :)

      Also, lovely necklace — I really like natural quartz jewelry, too — and lovely photo of you!

      • Absolutely, coming out and really learning to let myself express what I’m feeling has helped so much with making the right choices in general!

        And I really need to find more natural quartz things. I’ve never been into diamonds or most gemstones, but crystals like this are so interesting and just really cool. (and also they totally fit with this sort of witchy look I’m trying to cultivate a-la Mädchen Amick as Wendy in The Witches of East End… : )

    • I just…. I wish I knew what to say about your group wingnut lady. I dunno. But in other news, you look gorgeous! I wanted to say so last week, but I was pretty flighty. But that’s two consecutive weeks of being a stunner!

    • Amber, firstly I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this ridiculous woman. Walking away is the smart thing to do; you can’t keep pouring out your energy on someone who just drains you can doesn’t see you as a person with your own needs and mind.

      Secondly, and more positively, Phoebe is such a cutie.

      I’m also in agreement that that is a fabulous necklace.

      • Thanks on all counts!

        Phoebe is my little bestie. And she totally doesn’t mind switching between watching the L Word and then chilling out after more intense episodes with Parks and Rec. : )

  67. I am so excited for cool weather! Sweaters! Hot drinks! Pumpkin adventures! Baking!

    I have lots I am looking forward to/accomplish. Fall is my favorite season :)

    1. Go to a fall related festival with my girlfriend/friends
    2. Figure out halloween costume (I’m thinking Max from where the wild things are)
    3. Perfect some iconic fall recipes (hot chocolate, pumpkin paraphernalia, soups, squash, etc.)
    4. Eliminate dairy and processed sugar
    5. Take vitamins w/ breakfast
    6. Write down a couple goals in the morning and/or regroup before bed
    7. Do some form of self care/exercise as often as possible (yoga, running, evening walks, etc)
    8. Be present! Enjoy the season. Say yes to invitations and bring snacks if it’s anxiety-inducing.

    Enjoy your fall season, everyone! Take care of yourselves.

  68. This week was busy but great. My promotion at work officially began on Sunday, my dad got married to a lovely lady on Friday, and I finished my first half-marathon today.

    I can’t wait for fall. It’s always been my favorite because of the (usually) cool weather (waiting on you, Wisconsin…) and, well, my birthday. And this prompt about fall resolutions is perfect because it’s a special birthday for me – the big 2-5. (So thank you!)

    Here’s what I’m thinking:

    -grow more at work
    -switch from venti iced coffees at starbucks to grande…at least once a week
    -go to at least one hockey game a month starting in October (hockey is my favorite)
    -do more outside of work and orchestra (like maybe finally go to that local queer girl bar by myself?)
    -practice self love

    And, of course,
    Eat and drink all the pumpkin things before they make way for all peppermint everything in November probably.

    Happy fall, everyone!

  69. I’m so stressed about coming up with a project proposal for my final year of a design degree that I just cried as I read through the project guidelines…I have until Monday morning…!! And my cats are all the way back home – which is too far for snuggling!

    So ideas are very welcome you creative/intelligent/wise straddlers you!

    Resolutions are:
    Be more sociable with new people (I never want to but when I do it ALWAYS makes me happy!)
    Don’t compare my work to the perceived success of other people’s work.
    Less sugar in my diet (started this already and my energy levels are noticeably better).
    Some sort of therapy (I probably shouldn’t be quite this stressed this early in the term…)

    • Whoah. Don’t cry at guidelines. Take a brick and physically beat the page they are written on. And once that is out of your system, start jotting down notes.

  70. -make apple butter
    -become a foster parent
    -crunch leaves with my wife
    -buy some of those fancy “fall” smelling candles.

    • Good luck becoming a foster parent! I hope it works out for you and yours. I went through the program but for various reasons it hasn’t worked out in my life, unfortunately.

  71. My goal for fall, specifically is to avoid gaining weight amidst all the pumpkin beer, pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin bread, and any/everything else pumpkin that is sooo popular and tempting around this time of year.
    Sorry if that seems to not go with the general “body positive” attitude on here, but it’s important for me. And I really like pumpkin. So yeah.

    • You could also enjoy pumpkin by just eating pumpkin, no? Like, get canned pumpkin, heat it on the stove to avoid any tummy rumbles, add a little honey and cinnamon, and you have a breakfast of champions. Take a bite, take a sip of coffee, you get to not gain weight, and enjoy pumpkin-y goodness :D

    • i think having a goal to be healthy is always body-positive. go you!

      if you like pumpkin, i can heartily recommend west african groundnut stew. it is a hearty vegan stew made with lots of butternut squash and/or pumpkin, and has tofu and peanuts, so lots of protein too. i couldn’t find the recipe version with squash online but if you msg me i can write out my version. yay pumpkin! i bet there will be an AS article about fall food recipes coming really soon :)

      • oh another one that’s way easier than the soup! butternut squash / pumpkin cubes, toss with pecans and dried cranberries in oil and bake in a pie plate until the squash is cooked (might need to precook in the microwave, or cover with foil, to keep it from drying out). Let it cool and top with a bit of gorgonzolla or feta or goat cheese. it is yummeh.

        • That sounds divine!! Pumpkin + gorgonzola = I may be eating this within the next 24 hours.
          Also, if you end up typing out the groundnut stew recipe, I would love to try it, too.

          Crunchy leaves, warm drinks, and big thanks!

  72. Sooo… this week I got on a scale. I started a diet/fitness regime that involved eating a lot of vegetables every day, and also still having ice cream or cake every day, and walking a lot. Like, I think I am shorter because my bones have compressed from all the walking I have done. No osteoporosis for me! Anyway, I had to go for meds for my first UTI in 20 years. More on that later. And I’ve lost 27 pounds in the last two months!! Yay!

    Okay, so the following may be TMI, it involves info about my sex life. If that is waaay too personal for you to know about a stranger, skip to the next paragraph. Trying to learn to reserve sex for intimacy. That is my big resolution this fall. I’ve never gone more than 3 weeks without a partner. The countdown (up?) begins now. I’m at the two week mark. Another 2 weeks and I will make personal history! UTI was from most amazing sex of my life. I think I high-fived Jesus. HOWEVER, I have made a vow of celibacy, because every time something gets shitty in my life I go get laid, and it made Pride this year a little awkward. In the same vein, I have purchased my first sex toys ever this week (like, that weren’t being used with/on someone else). I can’t believe I made it to 28 years old with a vibrator. That will save so many Feelings and so much Processing.

    So now I need other hobbies, and I’ve taken up knitting, and have just purchased a beginner’s acoustic guitar. I’ve had more time to cook, and I’m currently eating roasted spaghetti squash seeds, and using spaghetti squash as a vehicle for parmesan cheese while I sip my double strength Chai and catch up here. I plan on knitting while watching the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I have no cheesecake brownie recipe, however I do have a recipe that I created m’self for vegan gluten-free brownie cookies:

    1/4 cup each of coconut flour, brown rice flour, tapioca starch, dark cocoa powder, honey, and canola oil, along with two eggs and a mashed banana. Mix all together, and then drop on a cookie sheet like cookies. Bake for 10 minutes at 350. They don’t spread very much, which is perfect because they come out the texture of brownies. If you wanna be fancy, you can drop them into muffin tins and then dig them out after, that way they all have shapely bottoms, but I like my bottoms messy. Just sayin’.

    Okay, last but not least, a selfie that captures my bond with the late Maggie (boxer), who was ten years old when she was put to sleep this April. She was 3 years old when I got her, a rescue dog. I never realized how true those words were until she was gone. Rescued me through a lot. I miss her!!

    Also a picture with her cousin, Pickle (Toy Fox Terrier), my sister’s dog, who we lived with for 6 out of 7 years of ownership.

        • She was really awesome. I love her. I think I have a cat now. I say that because I fed a cat some cheese in the park a couple weeks ago, and it followed me home and has been living on my porch. But it won’t come inside. It just eats my cheese. And chills.

      • Also! Replace eggs with another banana for Vegan brownies! My bad – I’m a vegetarian, but I’ve made them both ways, and they’re delicious all the same :D

      • Such a beautiful pup. Sounds like you had really great times together.

        Congratulations on the new fitness push! And your cooking sounds really great! I need to get back into more baking and experimenting with vegetarian/vegan recipes.

        I totally just bought a beginners knitting kit! I’ve wanted to get into it for about a year, and the time is now. I want more hobbies which I can do while I’m hanging out here watching movies or listening to music.

        That selfie of you two is amazing.

        Also, double strength chai..!

        • Thank you! I miss my Maggie. I don’t miss having a dog – the 4 am wake up calls as my dog needed to be taken out at odd hours in her old age. I don’t miss hair on everything. I don’t miss vaccination visits, and tick scares. I don’t miss them so much that I was crying over a video of her at two o’clock this morning. It’s funny the things you don’t miss.

          Vegetarian cooking is the easiest thing ever, especially if you like beans and lentils. I also go on kicks where all I eat for protein is cottage cheese and peanut butter. :D. I get to eat way more peanut butter than anyone else I know, and that’s almost better than cheese in my books!

          Good luck with the knitting thing! Go to ravelry.com to see if there are any groups in your area. Knitting has become something that hip young things do, so you can probs find a knitting group in your area, show up, and they will teach you! :D

        • Last winter I tried arm knitting which was fun! I had never knitted before, and it was a quick way to make a cute infinity scarf for my wife.

    • I love Maggie’s jumper/coat (and well done for getting a dog in a coat, I know that can be tricky). I’m sorry she’s not with you anymore; it seems like you had a great relationship and lots of love for each other. I definitely understand how our fluffy friends can rescue us too, and I’m glad that you had that together.

      Also, stop being so cute with your snuggly descriptions of snuggly evenings at home with chai and cooking! Although that squash sounds great and if I can source the ingredients I’m trying that vegan brownie recipe.

      Sorry about the UTI, but at least you’re taking care of it. I guess there’s some consolation in that it came from a good place (maybe?). While your celibacy continues remember that in lieu of sex you’ve you lots of people here you can reach out to when those shitty times happen. Hopefully you’ve got lots of good people around you too, and someone who can give you a good (platonic) cuddle when needed.

      • Maggie was not a huge fan of the coat til I went to take it off, and then she’d pull a “fire alarm” – stop, drop, and roll. The boots were pretty hilarious both on and off.

        I will continue to be snuggly until such time as it becomes unnecessary, which I deem to be never. :D

        UTI = ugly, high fiving Jesus = beautiful. :D I wrote that stuff about celibacy and then immediately regretted the over-share, but whatevs. That’s what’s going on with me. I came out when I met my first girlfriend, and we broke up after two years together, so I went through a strong phase of being emotionally unavailable and sleeping around because I could, and then it just got to be a habit because it’s a good ego boost. I’ve got tons of friends who would love to give me a platonic hug, but I’m not good at letting other people take care of me. So I’ll bare my soul to strangers, instead. It’s good for me, and easier, too. :D

        • Sunggliness is always necessary.

          We all over-share sometimes. I think our brain just needs to get it out, and at times the angst ridden/soulful journal entry just won’t do. As for the rest, well I think people become emotionally available when they’re ready, and sleeping around is nothing to worry about so long as you’re happy.

          Letting people look after you is hard. I haven’t mastered it either, and I’m terrible at asking for help, even when I’m on my knees wishing someone would step up. This once lead to a huge argument between myself and a friend/colleague of mine. All I remember from that night was him telling me he was sick of my complaining and that everyone is scared to love me. Yes I’d been grumpy; I was hoping that if I signalled how badly I was doing (I had Stevie Smith stuck in my head) the people who (I thought) loved me would get it and step up and help. Think it’s safe to say that went a bit wrong. As for the second of those sentences, I’ve struggled with it ever since. It’s safe to say this was the last time we ever had an honest conversation. I kind of wonder what my brain blocked out, I was sober, so I’m not sure what stops me remembering. Well that was quite a tangent…

        • From a chronic oversharer: sometimes it’s super cathartic to overshare. Also I’ve noticed that sometimes it’s helpful for other people who’re feeling/experiencing the same thing but are afraid to talk about it. The upside of yelling into the void!

          And if you would like one, here is a platonic internet hug, which is a little less commitment than a real one ;)

        • Heaven knows I know how to overshare. But I guess where better to do it? Everyone here seems to have similar experiences, and I really love this site because reading the comments can be as awesome as reading the articles! And sometimes you read an article and are full of so much emotion, and you’ll see that others had the same feelings.

          Pretty awesome.

          Getting out of long-term-relationships can do weird things to you.

          I wasn’t much of a hugger as a “guy.” I’m kind of weird about physical contact anyway.

          Ah well, at least we’re friendly strangers!

  73. Goals for Autumn:
    -Get a mother-f’in job.
    -Figure out our next production (me and a few friends just started a new theatre production company, we /just/ finished our first show, and now we have to figure out our next one!)
    -Find a new house (Which is super difficult considering I have a partner AND a cat, which most shared spaces in Portland are not super down with :/)
    -Figure out the future (which is always super vague and changes all the time).

    p.s. This is my first time actually commenting on this site. I’ve been lurking forever and I finally got an account. Hello, my fellow queer ladies! So glad to finally be a legit part of this community!
    p.s.s I may have drunk a fair amount of wine before writing this comment! :p

    • Hi Urk! I just started legit commenting last week. This thread was the highlight of my week last week. It’s so hard to keep up on all the articles, there are so many, but I have to say, it’s nice to know what’s going on in little corners of the world where people who love the same stuff I love are out there trying to get by, too. Are you using Padmapper? Use Padmapper!! It’s great for narrowing down the field!

    • Eeh he he Italian courage.
      Or Spanish or French.
      Or gaddam wine is grown and available in so many places these days.

  74. Bah.
    I’m failing my english class. We’ve had 2 essays so far in the term, I did neither of them. I tried to do them but the protective thing I developed in grade school where I separate myself puts up road blocks when it comes to writing that I will have to share with people and some other stuff.
    My school has writing lab and my instructor is very kind and understanding person, but I know if ask for help or try to say why at least the first essay brings up things that make me bawl my eyes out so hard I can’t compose.
    I will bawl my eyes out in front of people and I hate pity. I hate being looked at with pity and being treated like that fragile person that will fall to pieces if you poke them. So much like midddle school I behave like I do not care or even have emotions.
    Completely aware of the fact I’m being self destructive, but too prideful to seek help. It can’t all be pride considering I’ve been abused by teachers and people that were supposed to help.
    It’s all such bullshit, I’m adult and in my life I’ve powered through much worse. Something this small compared to having lived with my would be murderer for years makes me feel ridiculous, but I’m no longer living on anger. Anger that was toxic and burned, however no one looks at an angry person like a pitiful weakling. They look at you with caution and fear, I like fear so much better than pity.
    As wrong as that was and some of the bad things I did because I craved fear or at minimum shock.
    I guess I should make a resolution not to slide back into the underdeveloped little shit I use to be and continue to grow as a person. As awkward/irritating as this whole growing into a real person thing can be.

    Oh my dog and foster pup got into a fight today and possibly both of them chomped down on my wrist at the same time. Bye-bye weekly push ups. And fuck you person who shall go unnamed who did not help me and cause the situation that makes them get upset like despite knowing better.
    I had fun Friday night singing a sexual song and then getting sexual it was good. At least I have that and my typography class with which I am boss. Was required to trace an entire alphabet in all caps and my instructor was visibly impressed with how precise my tracings were. Everybody else was lazy and filled theirs in while I did pure and fan-fucking-tastic outlines.
    The West Side Story thing I had to restart because my back round setting and visual hierarchy was not working. No latina butch taking Tony’s place :(
    Just an Antony and Marie because West Bank related parody.
    Someday tho I hope to pose some queer lady POC couples like Tony and Maria on that fire escape. It’ll have to be on my own time.
    BUT IT WILL HAPPEN DAMNIT.
    And Halloween is coming yaaaay.

    • I’m sorry you’re dealing with that writing mess. it’s kinda the story of my life. it might be helpful to look at talking with your instructor less as asking for help and more as asking for alternative circumstances that will allow you to succeed in the way you’re capable of. sometimes school situations are bullshit, and I think when that happens, asking for things to work differently is asking for them to work fairly. anyway. my two cents. good luck with it all whatever you decide to do.

  75. I want to make a documentary on Bisexual Invisibly but I need help. I need people’s stories to compile into some type of screenplay and I need people involved in filming…because I’m just a single, working, bisexual mom with a flair for writing and a fire in my belly for bisexual acceptance and inclusion…but I’m not a film maker (yet! lol). I think the right documentary can bring National attention to bisexuality and the problems associated with biphobia and erasure. Anyone want to be part of that and help me???

  76. Done here in Australia September is Spring but that just makes it an even better time for resolutions I think. :D

    Here are some of mine:
    -> Go to the Gym more
    -> Do more writing (even if it is fan-fic I need to get back into writing)
    -> Read more
    -> Don’t leave my studying to the last minute, year 11 exams are soon so I need to do that more
    -> Wake up earlier to be on time and more organised for school
    -> Work on the body positivity. I was feeling a bit better in my body but found out I need to start wearing some plus size clothing recently and that really didnt help…

    So, yes this is what I am aiming to do. :D

  77. 1. EAT LESS, WALK TINY DOGS MORE.
    2. BE AN ACE EMERGENCY NURSE- KNOW ALL THE SHIT AND BECOME A SISTER IN THE NEXT YEAR.

    • Thanks for posting the cat pic! I was searching for the cat in the dog pic, and feeling a bit frustrated because I wasn’t finding it.

      • Um, I have no idea why this comment appeared here. It was supposed to be in response to Robin, upstream. I blame my barely-functional internet connection. Apologies for the awkward non sequitur!

        Walking tiny dogs is an awesome resolution. Have fun with that, and with your other ones too!

  78. I’m feeling a bit blue about the onset of fall. I’m from the east coast of the US where fall is absolutely gorgeous and by far my favorite season, and now I’m living in a country where fall is really not a thing. No color-turning leaves, no crisp bonfires, no butternut squash soup, etc.

    Also, I’m turning 30 in a few weeks, and I had planned to go on an awesome 2-week trekking adventure with some friends. But for various reasons having to do with people’s schedules and so forth, it looks like the trip may have to be cancelled or severely truncated, which bums me out a lot. I was really jazzed about doing something awesome and totally outside my daily routine for my birthday, especially because birthdays are emotionally hard for me (mostly bc of messed-up family issues). I hope we can pull this trip together or that I can come up with some other great alternative.

    Also, the person that I am interested who I *thought* was also interested in me is being pretty evasive of late… sigh.

  79. Yes. Fall please. Things I’ve already done to celebrate:
    made a mixed tape for my nephew that was all fall songs.
    increased my-
    latte intake and…
    deep breathing in the smell on the trails in the woods off the estuary creek that goes into the bay. It smells like brine and a wet teabag.

    My resolutions are:

    remember that teenage witchery compulsion? do that again. more.
    take more baths.
    lift more weights.
    make more delicious food.
    spend all the quality time with the dog of my life.

  80. To all the cis-lesbians who believe a male would tell you he is a translesbian to get you to love them or have sex with you.
    Are you that arrogant or stupid? Anyway… a song for all lesbians from all of us translesbians who love you!

    http://youtu.be/nW9Cu6GYqxo…

  81. You guys, you guys, I had a terrible week. Work is still imploding (so much so that this wedding may or may not happen because of the venue/bride, and also I’m probs barely getting paid even if it does, AND it keeps being terrible on fridays so I keep missing the thread and I am DISPLEASED), I haven’t been sleeping well because I’m stressed, I’ve still got this lingering cold/sore throat, and yesterday the lace on new pair of boots #1 broke, and then the zipper on new pair of boots #2 broke. Siiiigh.

    SO instead of talking more about how much this week blew, I’m going to list some things that don’t suck:

    – I have a bunch of delicious leftovers in the fridge right now. I roasted some sweet potatoes this week, I have leftover thai yellow curry, and I have leftover pasta. I’m going to put the sweet potatoes in the curry and pasta when I eat those and it will be delicious.

    – Holly continues to be delightful and adorable and also super hot and good in bed and also sweet and understanding. She has a vacation next week and I’m going to be super busy the whole time but I’m going to carve out some date time if it kills me. She came over to my house for a night this week because my family was alll gooone yaaaay and it was so so nice! She had to run the family gauntlet in the morning, but I think she wasn’t too traumatized! Also she made me watch an episode of Trailer Park Boys and it was hilarious. Definitely a bright spot in an otherwise super shitty week.

    -I just got my first ever plaid flannel shirt, and it is so comfortable even though it’s still just a little too warm to wear it outside. I’m wearing it at work because air conditioning. I got it at UNIQLO! I look super cute today. I’ve just been wearing fall clothes in spite of the weather because I WANT TO. Hopefully the weather follows suit, soon.

    -Actually I am really pleased with my outfits lately. FASHION.


    Have any of you watched Halt And Catch Fire? I was channeling Cameron yesterday.


    I actually own more than one pair of pants but these are my favorite. Also I might’ve posted this a couple weeks ago? I am too lazy to look it up.

    -I drew a thing this week! I’ve been slacking in the art department lately, so even though it’s just a silly little self portrait, I’m pretty pleased with it! Also I guess that this goes along with the fashion selfie theme; I own and regularly wear this outfit.

    So yeah, I guess I’m really loving my wardrobe right now. I don’t even care that I’m writing about it so that I don’t have to think about unpleasant things that I should be thinking about/dealing with! haHA take that, life. When I was a kid one of my friends’ dad had a mug that read “Denial is a Beautiful Thing” and I think that I should own that mug. But also selfies make me feel better sometimes? Like for real? I don’t know why but I’m not going to question it.
    On a more cheerful note, Holly’s been texting me the cutest shit lately and I think I’m going to illustrate some of her texts and make a zine out of them. I think a project that has nothing to do with weddingwork will be good for me!

    My Fall Resolutions include:

    -get more jobs! To do this, actually network. Go talk to industry people without feeling like I am a child pretending I know what I’m doing. I’m legit so good at my job! These people need me! I am a badass bitch from hell. I’m so fucking awesome I could make a fucking walmart parking lot into the most beautiful wedding venue if I had to. I need to act like it!

    -Keep swimming regularly!! It is good for you! You enjoy it! Swim swim swim!!!

    -GET BETTER AT BUSINESS STUFF you can do it you can do it

    -Get a goddamn car move out of your parents house jesus christ you are an adult

    -maybe stop beating myself up for not being exactly in the place I would like to/thought I would be by now? Remember that some things come at different times for different people. You are doing really well and things will work out.

    -take more selfies you’re super cute go for it (this is for me and also for all of you)

    -eat less sugar?? (naw)

  82. Tomorrow I have to drive a big rented moving truck across a foreign country with my partner who’s moving in with me to start a new life as a grad school student. So many feelings

  83. My biggest resolution is to find a new apartment by the end of this month. I’ve spent so much time helping my family-which is what I left NY to come back to SC to do- that between my duties with them and work, I haven’t been able to house hunt. Since I work from home, it is important that I have somewhere comfortable and quiet. I am also really scared because I have terrible credit. I am financially stable as far as month to month income goes, but I have an old cell phone (long story) that is on there, as well as student loans (they are current, but still, they are there). In NY, most run of the mill complexes didn’t check that stuff. Here, everyone does, even for the smallest units.

    I also have resolved to stick to my guns dating wise. I’ve had the last year to really access my dealbreakers and why they exist, and my past experiences. I know what I can and cannot handle in a relationship. So, why do I keep breaking my own rules? It is much better to be single than it is to be with the wrong person.

    My third, and perhaps most important, resolution is to stick to my eating plan. I am a recovered bulimic, and the illness destroyed my metabolism. I’ve weighed anywhere from 91 lbs all the way up to 230- at my current height. For my own health and piece of mind, I need to maintain a healthy weight and eating habits.

  84. I finally got myself an Autostraddle account, even though I’m from Germany and kept thinking that it’s weird to talk to people on the internet instead of meeting actual queer people where I live. But then I decided that I don’t care and Autostraddle is awesome, plus I’ve won second prize at my local CSD’s writing contest and thus will meet plenty of people at the first queer poetry slam I’ll attend soon. :)

    As far as my fall resolutions go I’m pretty pleased with myself. I tidied up my room and threw out lots of old stuff just in time for a good start at the university. I wanted to move out but couldn’t afford it, so I felt like I had to at least change up my room to reflect how I’ve changed the past year.

    Oh, and I’m proud of myself because I’m starting to learn how to navigate my gay and genderqueer identity with the really heteronormative environment at the medieval-fantasy-Larps I love to attend. I’ve been a larper/role player for six years now and came out recently to my family and friends, so it was weird, because I still play the same characters I used to when I pretended to be straight. But from now on I’ll just assume that all my characters are probably gay as well and I’m happy with this and everyone who complains “why I have to bring this topic into the game” can just shut up.

    I wish you all a great week, autumn here has already arrived (but the rain-mud-cold-variety of autumn), so I hope you have just sun and bright falling leaves. ;)

  85. Fall resolutions:

    1.) Actually, you know, do my coursework (instead of boating all the time).
    2.) Go boating as much as possible (contradictory to resolution 1, I realize, but gotta not have emotional breakdowns some way).
    3.) Figure out some sort of plan for next year after I graduate/figure out some way to tell my parents that grad school is not written in the stars for next year.
    4.) Have more uncomfortable conversations with my parents about gender and sexuality (whoo) but those will hopefully make things better in the long-term.

    BUT ALSO I HAD AN AMAZING WEEKEND and need to share it with as many people as possible. Because holy fuck is the Gauley river just the best (but whyyyyy is it so far away) and I really see why it’s considered one of the best rivers in the world and wow I want to go back immediately. But also, I need to brush up some skills (and also should learn to rock splat) so the Upper is a little less scary to run in my boat.

  86. It’s not Friday and I hate being a downer but I was sexually assaulted early Sunday morning and this just really really sucks. My job has me walking through neighborhoods and meeting lots of strangers and I’m feeling hyper-aware, super-vulnerable and anxious and I just don’t know if I can do this and I’m really angry.

    It’s weird I have a hard time calling it assault b/c it wasn’t as bad as it could have been… he conned me into talking to him, grabbed my boob and ran away (with me chasing him and screaming curse words.) It triggers so much else too though, that’s happened before. Until last night I was just seethingly angry, but suddenly that switched into super anxious and crying a lot. I’ve been traveling back from nyc and I start work again tomorrow and I just don’t know how I’ll be able to function well while feeling like this. I need a therapist.

    Oh, to be clear, this didn’t happen while I was working, this happened 1 in the morning in a quiet well lit park near my house, actually I was walking to the office to get on our bus we had chartered for the people’s climate march.

    • It was your experience, call it assault if it felt like assault.
      Don’t know what else to say other than do see a therapist especially if this is bringing you to things that have happened before. Seek one that specializes in abuse survivors if you’ve never tried to get therapy before.
      You are not alone.

      • I have been to therapy before but it’s been a long while. I’m doing a whole lot better now that I’m back home in my familiar environment ‘n all. I’ve been telling everyone I know in part because this guy had a method. I’m sure I was not his first, nor last. I know a lot of people who walk in that park too, it’s well-lit and feels safe. F’in asshole.

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