Hello and welcome to a special Canada Day / Impending Fourth of July edition of Formspring Friday, in which Riese and I gather up some questions asked to us on Formspring that we either cannot or will not answer without additional support from you weirdos! Because it takes a village to give personal advice on the internet.
relatively unrelated 4th of july imagery
10 Formspring Questions for You to Answer:
1. Everytime I go out with a girl, I freak out at the thought of any PDA! All of my fears in the matter stem from bad experiences. I’m afraid that my inactions or doubts are hurting my opportunities with wonderful women. Any advice or thoughts?
2. I’m about to graduate college and my girlfriend and I wanna move to a city that has a fun lesbian nightlife and is also enviromentally conscience. Any thoughts?
3. A girl I’ve sort of become friends with lately turned all bitchy on me yesterday & when I stood up for myself she said I was the one being a bitch. No thanks, lady. I wanna know how to break off the relationship without rocking the boat too much.
4. Being the more dominate one in a relationship is amazing to me, but then it hit me, im the biggest baby about things. like walking in the dark/ weird noises/ scary men/ etc. how do i make her feel safe if i cant make myself feel safe?
5. What if every time someone is genuinely interested in being your friend, you feel overwhelmed, freak out and push them away? What if you can’t let people get close to you even though you really, really want to because you’re tired of being alone?
6. Do you think it’s leading someone on if you enter into a relationship expecting it to end? Or is this just how relationships work most of the time? I am new at this.
7. Was it a mistake for me to take back my girlfriend after she cheated on me? It’s been almost 7 months and I can still bring myself to tears just thinking about it.
8. How do I help my daughter lose weight without using shame? I encourage her to eat healthy, etc. but there’s a difference between changing a diet and reducing food intake. She’s currently overweight and pushing obese.
9. My mom told me she wanted me to confide in her and I could tell her anything. I really don’t believe her and decided years ago I wouldn’t come out to her unless I was in a serious relationship. Should I rethink this?
10. One of my labia’s is ALOT bigger than the other. Im 22 and am scared to try anything even hitting on a girl bc my biggest fear is someone going down on me only to reject me bc of that. Ive been too embarrassed to ask any1, but should this be a fear?
Lots for you to think about. Take your time. As always, you’re more than welcome to send your questions to Riese, Rachel or Laneia.
Numbers 3 and 5 are very relevant to me right now. I’m sorry that this isn’t actually helpful…
In response to question 8: This is a very tricky thing to do. But hopefully I can give some great advice stemming from my own experience. I was an overweight child my entire life. It wasn’t until adulthood that I lost 130 pounds and got it under control. That being said I had a mother who tried to accomplish what you are trying to do. It isn’t easy. But I will try to give you some tips. When it comes to food you have to make it fun. Kids now a days are so used to drive thrus and fast solutions. They don’t want to eat salad after salad. But if you can make the process more exciting that might help. Start cooking food together. Buy a cookbook that contains lots of healthy foods. And go shopping together and prepare your meals together. This will help her them get involved and hopefully they will get more excited about the healthy stuff and less about the quick fix at the drive thru. When it does come to meals don’t prepare a meal that could feed an army. I know from weightloss that food is so much more tempting if it is already there. But if it’s not it is so much easier to do portion control. And that is what it really comes down to. You can’t cut anything out. Otherwise that is setting up for failure. I still eat anything I want, but in moderate amounts. Teach her that she can still have all the things she likes but she has to pace herself on it and control the amount. When it comes to exercise it has to be fun. Most children don’t want to get on a treadmill and go. I sure as heck didn’t. But I found activities that I loved that were full of exercise. Like frisbee golf, soccer, karate etc. Getting her to be active through fun things (even if it’s not school sports, etc) is going to make her more enthusiastic about it. And lastly lead by example. When my parents over ate, I learned to over eat. It may still be hard at first but always encourage her, never scold or lecture when it comes to her weight no matter how many times she might slip. After losing so much weight it is still a daily struggle for me. It’s a never ending battle. Hope that helps!
10. Don’t worry about it! First of all, do you have strong preferences about how labias should look? Well, maybe you do, but I can tell you that I don’t…I don’t care, and I’ve never talked to another girl who did care. Also, going down on someone isn’t really very much like giving them an examination, you know? No one is going to be scrutinizing the size of your labia, they’ll be more concerned about other things. If it’s kind of dark they might leave having no idea what you looked like anyway (not that it’s necessary for it to be dark, I’m sure your labia is fabulous in the light as well). If anyone is a huge jackass and for some reason cares about how your labia looks (and seriously, I can’t really imagine this situation), kick em out of bed.
what louvella says!
dear OP, in situations like that, your lover will be happy and excited to be down there as well as anxious to make sure she pleases you. trust me. the size of your labia will not be an issue :)
also, ladybits come in all shapes and colours. seriously, there is no such thing as a ‘normal’ vulva. on the off chance anyone says anything nasty about yours, tell them they’ve obviously got limited experience being intimate with women’s bodies and reject THEM from your bed!
10/ I care about the way my partner’s labia looks just as much as her elbow (=negative twenty three thousand). It’s a freakin’ vagina, and if someone’s facing it, it’s probs because they care enough about you to want to make you feel good. They won’t care about how it looks, there’s no ‘beauty’ standard for vaginas. Again, it’s a freakin’ vagina! Don’t worry about it!
#10. this question is awesome because i can totally relate. i’m 21 and pretty much all of my friends were sexually active in their mid teens, but i was scared to become intimate with someone because i was really self-conscious about my labia. it wasn’t until AFTER i started having sex that became comfortable with myself, because i was able to see just how different all vaginas are. mine is totally normal! my girlfriend now has thick, asymmetrical labia and i love them. if someone has a problem with ’em (i doubt they will), they don’t deserve you. good luck!
9. My mom told me she wanted me to confide in her and I could tell her anything. I really don’t believe her and decided years ago I wouldn’t come out to her unless I was in a serious relationship. Should I rethink this?
my mom said that to me too and she FREAKED OUT when i came out to her. i feel like you know your mom the best and you should go with your gut feeling about it. i did it partially because of other people’s advice, but your mom is your mom and not everyone else’s mom, so i don’t think random people’s advice is really going to help you there.
10. One of my labia’s is ALOT bigger than the other. Im 22 and am scared to try anything even hitting on a girl bc my biggest fear is someone going down on me only to reject me bc of that. Ive been too embarrassed to ask any1, but should this be a fear?
no.
# 4: This is me. Beyond that I have little help. Or just….don’t force it/overplay it because that shit can get ridiculous. I’m actually ok with dark, weird noises, and scary men, but dogs man, they freak me out. Everyone has something?
4. You don’t need to ‘force’ yourself to feel safe. If weird noises and scary men freak you out, they freak you out for a reason. The hairs prickling on your neck are part of the way your body keeps you safe by warning you to be alert. You should listen to them.
It is fine being freaked out. But maybe also take a self defence course so if ever those heebie jeebies turn out to have merit, you can look after yourself and your girl.
#2 – San Francisco!!!
#5 – I will quote my favorite author on this: You cannot protect yourself from sadness without also protecting yourself from happiness. As someone who has totally been there before, trust me, opening yourself up from time to time can be totally worthwhile.
This is slightly off-topic, but is that a Foer quote? Gotta love Foer! Also, his wife, Nicole Krauss, is awesome and has a similar quote in her book The History of Love: “Nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”
10. every beav is different. i wanna say “gotta catch’em all” but im not sure if i should promote promiscuity. anyway don’t worry, have fun.
8. i think she need to realize that her health choices are unhealthy on her own. even if you try pushing her into it, if she doesn’t want to change her lifestyle she won’t. what shook me into a healthier lifestyle was watching you are what you eat.
7. once trust is lost, so is the relationship
6. if both of you are enjoying your time in the relationship then it’s fine, let it come to a natural end. if you are just kind of letting time run, then why be in it at all?
5. this ones hard…..i think that you need to find the reason why you push people away and work that out (if you feel you can’t do it alone consider going to a pro) and slowly start to accept people into your life. it’ll probably feel awkward and scary at first, but hey everything new feel like that.
4. eat spinach, get anchor arms, carry mace and/or a taser, take up mma and wear tap out shirts so people know what’s up. oh and carry a flashlight that can also double as a club
3. if you really feel like you have had enough of this girl and can’t handle anymore drama then cut off all ties. note: she probably will try to contact you and will react badly when failed. ignore all “she said your a” convo and don’t even confront her about it. this is just another call for attention from you.
2. im really considering moving to seattle after college, i donno if that helps
go ahead, promote promiscuity.
justbesmartorwhatever
as long as what youre catching isn’t all of the std’s, youre good. sharing isn’t caring.
touche, but I forgot this
VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: AVAOID COLD SORES AT ALL COSTS (yes even if she’s super cute)!!!! clip nails AND file them to add a smooth touch, im not even going to lie, i don’t use gloves….is that bad?
i feel like everyone is confused about whether you should use gloves. i wonder if anyone has caught things from not using them?
i guess if you have dirty finger nails you can, but can’t really think of anything else
Regarding stis and gloves, in theory stis can be transmitted through any open cut or stratch. There’s also herpes whitlow, which affects the fingers. So technically you can get genital herpes from being fingered. Glove up.
Also very simply you need to be careful if these fingers later visit other partners (or yourself). People don’t think about that but there’s a reason sextoys need to be shared veeery carefully, same goes for fingers
That’s why we have 10 fingers ; )
hw is primary in children…….so if you are underaged glove up babystraddlers
on a rare but serious note: if you have open wounds or sores (eww) on your hands use a rubber. seriously no one likes getting an infections
im also including spider bites because i don’t want flesh eating spider babies popping out of your hand into my vadgebadge. so remember open wounds, sores, flesh eating spider bites = gloves and possibly a trip to the hospital afterwards
so wait that english girl who used only her pinky wasn’t just being extremely polite? she’d f-banged nine other homogays? d
damn. slow your roll.
yup and then afterward she had to replace all 10. you know like how a lizard can grow a new tail, yeah lesbians can do that.
Indeed, it’s obvious we’d evolve to re-grow our most important appendages. It’s a bit like Lezarus Syndrome.
Dykes can’t die, we just keep coming back.
that’s what president obama meant when he said he was trying to evolve, but he doesn’t realize it’s a grrrl thang
Oh lilyv. I feel like we should be friends after that comment.
do you know the monty python “every sperm is sacred” song? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0kJHQpvgB8
i now have a “every beav is sacred” version in my head. not sure why, but it’s kind of entertaining.
*now trying not to sing ‘every beav is sacred’ out loud at work*
Thanks for sharing :P
every beav is sacred
every beav is great
if you don’t appreciate it
you don’t deserve a date
you’re welcome. I’ve always been selfless like that ;)
1. Do you live somewhere extremely conservative where you’ve had all of these negative experiences? Maybe the first step is moving somewhere a little less likely to notice two girls kissing or holding hands, and ease into it gently.
Honestly, in addition to just wanting to be myself and be comfortable, part of me almost feels some responsibility to be visible, even in places that aren’t necessarily super supportive. I don’t mean in the sense of OMG LET’S GO SNOG IN PUBLIC, but simply demonstrating two girls who are clearly affectionate and in love to people who might never have seen that before. It’s hard for folks to understand or care about gay issues without any real-life exposure to them — can’t hurt to remind the heteros THERE ARE QUEERS EVERYWHERE.
That being said, I’ve had both positive and negative responses to same-sex PDA (and some that would creepily qualify as both…), and the negative responses can certainly be a deterrent. I would say be honest with your partner about your fears, and work from there together to try to build some confidence and comfort, or perhaps figure out a compromise. Or else find a nice gayborhood to move into.
2. Hands down, Portland, Oregon — as long as you can deal with HIPSTERS-UP-THE-WAZOO.
#2. BALTIMORE. Definitely Baltimore. Green-wise we are not perfect (but who is?) but there are lots of cool things coming up in the city. Urban farms, free (!) green public transportation in some of the major neighborhoods, vegan restaurants popping up everywhere… again, it’s not super environmental gung-ho, but the city seems at least somewhat genuine in trying to improve things, which is a lot for Baltimore politics. Good sign.
There are lots of recent college grads moving into Baltimore at the moment, so you’d fit in fine. There’s not a kazillion jobs, obviously, but Baltimore and the area is in a bit better place than a lot of the country because of the government job bubble.
BUT, the big thing is: queer women. SO MANY! Every time I go out I see some, even if it’s a neighborhood dive bar (maybe not downtown but locals don’t go there anyways). Plus Baltimore Pride (one of the reasons I decided to move to the city, frankly) is amazing. It’s a big block party after the parade with tons of hot women tailgating, drinking in the streets, multiple dance parties, a show, and everyone is so friendly. Good community atmosphere for sure. I got free drinks just for starting to talk to people who’d been tailgating.
True anecdote: the other day, walking home with my friends at 2 in the morning from a burlesque show, we got catcalled–twice–by two groups of lesbians. Walking five blocks in a quiet residential neighborhood. Are you going to beat that? I don’t think so.
I want to move to Baltimore now. I wasn’t even considering moving but I’m pretty much sold. Hahaha good job.
Yeah! You should! I love Baltimore and I’m really sad to be moving out, especially because of the scene. But fortunately I’m moving to another great city: New Orleans! So I’m not tooooo upset about it.
Is New Orleans still great? As far as everyone I know from Louisiana is concerned New Orleans is no longer good news. I haven’t been there though so I don’t really know what’s up.
I’m stuck in Dallas right now but when I graduate college and I’m looking for that queer friendly place to be Baltimore is where it’s at. (I secretly wanted to move there anyway hahaha)
#2- if you happen to be wanting to move to a Canadian city: try Vancouver, Montreal or Toronto! Avoid small towns, although new queer faces in a small community is like…spotting a unicorn or something or whatever.
#7- You probably haven’t gotten over if you cry about it all the time. Maybe you should talk it out with her…and/or a councilor maybe? Talking to a third party is maybe a good call in this situation (and professionals have objective thoughts on the matter above your friends being like ‘she aint good 4 u girl’ )
4. I can relate to this situation. I am seemingly the more dominate or “tough” one in the situation but am scared of so many things. But maybe even though she seems very feminine and soft she isn’t afraid of the same things. Don’t try and be something you aren’t. Let her kill the spider and hold you if you get afraid, she will appreciate your sensitivity and honesty. She might even think it’s cute that you are afraid of the dark :)
#6. I would be asking yourself: Why do you expect it to end? Is it the situation surrounding it? Or do you just believe all relationships end? Because well in reality they all do. Even the best ones that last 300 years end eventually due to death. Some are able to withstand the test of time and some aren’t. But if it is the situation surrounding a particular person maybe just express to them your concerns, see what they say, and if they can accept what you foresee in the future than why not enjoy it for what it is? I don’t think it is leading on if you are straight up about what you expect from them and the relationship.
#2 Both of these have already been said, but I really, really want to back up both Portland, OR and Toronto. Those are two amazing places, even if you don’t happen to be homosexually-inclined. If you want to live in a smaller city, Eugene, OR (pop: approx. 150,000) is also fantastic for environmentally-conscious queers. However, the nightlife takes a little getting used to. It’s not that it doesn’t exist, it’s just that you have to go looking for it.
But pretty much any forward-thinking city in the PNW would be a great choice.
3. You’re only “sort of” friends? Stop inviting her to stuff. Stop calling her. You’ve confronted her about her behavior, so just phase her out.
4. Everyone, I think, has to learn to make themselves feel safe. Or as safe as one can feel. It’s not your job to protect her, even if you want to. That said, what do you think would make you feel more safe? Self-defense class? Therapy to confront some stuff?
6. Is there a reason you expect it to end? Regardless, just enjoy it for what it is now.
8. Do not use shame. Also, do not use shame. That said, consider having her see a nutritionist and/or maybe a therapist.
10. Labia are not always perfectly even. There are tons of sites for vulva positivity on the great wide internets. Spend some time on a few. Love what you’re working with. Then, realize that any girl who has an issue with the way your vag looks is not worthy of touching it.
4. my ladyfriend is more dominant, but when shit actually goes down i’m the one to actually take action. i feel safe just knowing she’s there for me and loves me.
5. i often do this, but i’ve learned it is possible to break through. for me it turns out that once i feel a tiny bit overwhelmed, i shut everything down instead of working through it so that i can let someone close. it is possible to work through. for me that process includes a lot of writing about the situation i’m in. if it’s an option for you, talking to a shrink might be a good idea.
7. don’t force yourself to be in a situation that makes you so unhappy. but maybe you can talk through it before you decide to walk away?
8. first, take her to the doctor to make sure that there’s no underlying medical issues causing her weight gain. if that’s not it, what about a psychological issue leading to overeating? if it’s truly just bad habits, the only thing i would suggest doing is modeling better choices – eat better yourself, start exercising more, and get her doing these things with you. don’t ever bring up her body shape/weight, because that can be very counterproductive and shaming. also, if she’s a teen you may need to just let it go – she’s in charge of her own body.
10. there’s no need to worry – vaginas come in all different forms. my girlfriend’s labia are two different sizes and one is kind of twisted funny, but i honestly barely noticed it at first. if you’re on livejournal at all, vaginapagina did a great thing called the everyday bodies project where women submitted photos of their vulvas and many other body parts. the gallery is very diverse & it’s amazing to see how many different ways bodies can look!
2. Minneapolis/St. Paul. I am biased because I grew up there and I know our government just shut down and I know that we have that stupid amendment that might come up BUT: The Twin Cities are GREAT. The queer scene is established and always growing/branching out. It’s a community that focuses a lot on the environment and there are all sorts of farmer’s markets and bike shops and green alternatives for just about anything. It’s nowhere near as hipster as the east coast and has an awesome theatre/music scene. Plus, Minnesotans are really nice and even the homophobic ones won’t say much other than “that’s…interesting.” Other people may have had different experiences, but I have really had nothing but positive experiences growing up/living here during summers of college. I went to the Mall of America today and saw about 10 couples holding hands and no heads turned. Except mine. Some of them were pretty cute. That being said, Portland and Eugene are really great as well, I’ve spend summers out there.
6. I spent a year abroad in Europe and was really hesitant about being in a relationship KNOWING that I was moving back to the States. It was the ultimate termination date with literally NO chance of a long-distance relationship. Still, I had so much fun, really learned a lot about myself and gained a life-long friend. She’s coming to visit me in a few weeks and, honestly, who knows what will happen–life is a marathon, not a sprint. That may have not entirely answered your question–but I almost always enter into a relationship thinking “oh shit, this is going to end one day and I don’t want to put myself out there and then I’m going to get hurt, so I better not tell them anything that could be too personal…blah blah blah.” It hasn’t helped once so far. If anything it damaged stuff that could have been really good and just made me more paranoid. It took a lot of work to get over, so my advice is just don’t even start. Good luck!
10. Being uncomfortable about vag is totally natural. There is no such thing as “the normal vagina.” If someone is that superficial, you probably don’t want them going down on you in the first place. There’s a documentary out called “The Perfect Vagina” that explores the expanding world of labiaplasty and vaginal surgery–could be worth a watch.
Also, make “spend,” “spent”
YES. TWIN CITIES. I MISS THEM.
And wouldn’t you say that they’re nice places to be queer? Everyone thinks that just because we (or the 6th district, rather) managed to elect Michele Bachmann that all of a sudden we’re all ass holes.
#5 – read “I hate you don’t leave me”. I’m serious.
#7: when i was cheated on i told myself i could forgive and forget. and i really tried but in the end it was too much. be honest with yourself and talk to your partner about your feelings and see if you can cross that bridge but be realistic with yourself. if its still all too much then cut your losses. theres no reason that you should be forcing yourself through all that hurt.
9. I don’t know your situation and I’m not going to tell you what to do, but here are some of my feelings about this:
-Maybe she knows you’re gay and wants you to feel comfortable with telling her (I don’t know)
-My parents claimed to have no idea, when I came out, even though they’d seriously asked me if I was gay a few times. They didn’t want me to let anyone else in the family, etc, know, so I basically felt like the only difference from being all the way in the closet was being uncomfortable with them about it. I was like, “It is so pointless to be out of the closet and single.” (However, I do think things would be harder if I was actively trying to hide from them and they didn’t know.)
-Dan Choi said, in a talk he gave, that your parents take time to adjust & become comfortable with your sexuality and that timeline starts when you tell them, not when you start thinking about telling them.
1. I dated a girl that was in the closet and was very touchy about any PDA at all and very private in general. I’m not like that and hardly spent anytime in the closet at all but I loved her anyway. It was really kind of cute. The only thing that bothered me was suddenly having my hand dropped because she saw someone that looked like someone she knew in the grocery store. It made me feel rejected. Otherwise, I understood and respected her feelings about it. Be yourself, represent yourself, my only advice would be to be careful to not leave a lady feeling rejected. By the way, slowly she started relaxing about the situation and it made me feel more special than anyone else ever had just by holding my hand, *all the way* around the store. :D
7. I think that if you’re still crying about it there are deeper issues. Are you feeling the love from your girlfriend? Are you insecure? I don’t think it was a mistake to take her back but you should reconsider your situation now that you’re still not over it. At the time you believed you could let it go but there are issues it seems that haven’t been worked out. Work them out or move on. Don’t waste your strength on reliving the past. Being cheated on sucks. Cheating and regretting it sucks also. Sometimes you love and understand someone enough to forgive them, sometimes you just don’t. And either is okay, both occur with the best of us. Think about why you’re crying, talk about it and open a window for your girl to ease your mind. If you want to work it out, that’s my advice. Otherwise, if you can’t, she can’t or it’s not that kind of love, you deserve to be happy and free.
8. I think it’s really important to keep encouraging her to be healthy and supporting a healthy environment by not having junk food in the house. I’m not sure how old your daughter is, though. I went from over-eating to under-eating and eventually I leveled out on my own but I wished my Mother had told me a thing or two to set me on the right track. You can count on “shame” from other people, don’t be her enemy. It does get to a point where it’s her life, not yours, and she’s going to realize she doesn’t want to live that way or that she does. And to try and control it too much could possibly make you her enemy in her eyes. Also, my eating disorders were a result of depression and insecurity. Perhaps there is another issue? Working out and eating healthy, after-all, really makes me happy but I had to BE happy first to get the motivation to make the move to start pulling it together.
10. They’re all different and that’s what makes them wonderful. “Don’t be afraid of your body or of what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.”
#2 – Portland, OR! (Seattle is actually my most favorite-ist city in the nation and it’s definitely queer friendly, but I would say that it loses in a head-to-head with Portland in the fun lesbian nightlife part of the question.)
really??? i always thought it would be the other way around…..well time to change plans!
Regarding stis and gloves, in theory stis can be transmitted through any open cut or stratch. There’s also herpes whitlow, which affects the fingers. So technically you can get genital herpes from being fingered. Glove up.
Just wanted to say that there is an awesome group for this:
Straddler on Straddler advice.
3. Agreed: phase her out. If she’s not a serious part of your life she isn’t worth the drama.
7. If you still feel that strongly about it, maybe. It either needs to be completely gotten over or completely acted upon. You need to decide how big of a deal it really is to you.
8. The best way to maintain a healthy lifestyle is through activity, not by focusing on food. You and your daughter should find things to not only keep you moving, but simply occupied. Many kids and adults eat from habit or boredom instead of hunger. Also, what people have already said: cook together, use real, unprocessed ingredients. Don’t embarrass her or pressure her into doing things that will make her uncomfortable- but do give her a nudge in the right direction.
9. It’s better to tell her if you think your relationship can withstand it.
10. No
1. Explain why you’re hesitant to your ladyfriend. Chances are, if she isn’t a douche, she will understand and help you test the waters and all of those things. Plus being shy/awkward is cute, so…there you go.
Note: if by PDA you mean making out at the movies, no one wants to see that, I PAID GOOD MONEY TO SEE MICHAEL BAY BLOW SHIT UP AND NOT TO HEAR YOUR HEAVY BREATHING.
But if you mean walking down the street with your arms linked, it’s adorable, and definitely something to try to work up to.
3. Drop that ho. There’s really no tactful way to do it. Hopefully she’ll get the point when you don’t wanna chill. Sometimes boats rock.
7. Plain and simple – if you’re not happy, then something’s probably wrong. Don’t go back to someone just because it’s familiar.
10. I’ve yet to see a perfectly symmetrical vagina, but I WILL LET YOU KNOW.
I second the noheavybreathingatthemovies motion…
2. I know this may sound completely bizarre to respond with, “Kentucky!” However, Louisville, Kentucky is a great place for a young lesbian couple to start up. Great food, atmosphere, decent gay scene, you would be about 3 and a half hour from STL and 2 and a half from Nashville AND MOST IMPORTANTLY- Bourbon trails and breweries. You can’t get much better, honestly.
you are totally right!……i feel like such a fool because i only live a few hours away (i was focusing too much on the north)! before i was out this girl was trying to convince me to go with her to some gaybar because EVERYONE goes to gay bars in louisville, yeah if you’re gay (and the occasional straight couple, never str8 singles)
Fuck yeah, Louisville! I’m moving back there in a week or so. There is quite a decent nightlife, great food, and lots of bourbon. Plus, most of us have cute accents!
i know! i swoon every time i hear a cute girl form kentucky say y’all! makes me flutter : D
I seriously fucking love Lou-ah-vul :)
I lived across the river from there for 2 years and the nightlife was amazing.
1. I totally get it! PDA is scary! But communication is key.
6. Don’t do it! I have only done this once and within a month, this girl was literally suicidal after I mentioned we should, you know, maybe see other people…Trust me. Especially when you’re young and inexperienced, it’s very easy to get carried away.
10. My girlfriend used to be plagued by this. I didn’t even notice until MONTHS later when she actually pointed it out. Seriously. It’s like the pimple you think people can see out of an airplane but when you point out, everyone’s like “oh where?!”
2. I recommend Portland, OR. Yes, there are hipsters, but it’s a beautiful city with a great queer community. Portland is also very bikeable, bussable, walkable, and all-around green, and the people (even the hipsters) are very friendly and kind. The only drawback, really, is that it rains from about October-May, but the summer here is so beautiful that it pretty much makes up for it. I’ve been living in Portland for two years now and I can’t say enough positive things about it.
3. Just stop engaging if she tries to reach out. Be thoroughly civil, but don’t encourage her. She will get the hint.
5. Guh I know how this goes. I don’t know that I have any specific advice, but it’s worth thinking about what, exactly, it is that makes you feel overwhelmed. What’s going on with that? The only concrete thing I might say is: try making “yes” your default response for a while with the people you think you might want to be friends with. Cultivate the mindset that, unless there’s some specific reason not to, you’ll accept every invitation and every overture of friendship. If you just organically hang out with with people enough, a friendship will take root gradually without having to freak out and overanalyze the situation.
6. I’m of the mindset that you ought to be either single (by which I don’t mean that you can’t be sleeping with anyone) or super excited about the relationship you’re in. I mean, why bother otherwise, right? It makes people feel crappy to be in a relationship with someone who’s just passing the time.
8. One thing is that, whatever her age, she certainly knows that she is overweight, so it is useless to point this out. Just don’t do it, however much you might be tempted. Try to always have food in the house that’s both healthy and tasty, and, if you cook, maybe cook smaller portions. But . . . maybe don’t stress out about it too much? Is she otherwise in good health? Does she get an okay amount of physical activity? If so, she’s probably fine. Being heavy is not a death sentence if a person’s otherwise healthy, generally.
10. No do not waste another moment of your life worrying about this! I cannot imagine being even a little grossed out by this. No normal human being would give it any significant thought. I mean, maybe — MAYBE — a momentary “huh, interesting,” but that, I think, is the upper limit.
2. I go to school in Houston, Texas and, while I can’t in good conscience say that the entire city is environmentally friendly, I do think it’s a really awesome place to live. There are many bicyclists, they’re trying to expand the rail system, and there’s a farmer’s market like walking distance from my house. The queer scene is also pretty legit. I go out with my girlfriend all the time and we are pretty bad about PDA (I know, I’m sorry) and we’ve never really had bad reactions from anyone. But basically I think Houston is a really underrated city and has some really cool things to offer. The local music scene is awesome and the museum and theater districts are a lot of fun. Texas isn’t all bad you guys! Other than like…well, the rest of the state…but Austin and Houston are worth your time!!!
5. I’ll let you know when I figure it out. Otherwise, we’ll hang out in this boat together.
6. It’s not leading them on if you make it clear you don’t have long-term plans with them. But you have to make sure it’s not like, “Oh, that’s what she says but I know she doesn’t mean it.” Or, “Oh, she’ll change your mind.” You need to be clear. And if the girl isn’t grasping it or believing you, you may just need to cut the cord.
7. You need to participate and lead by example. Work out with her. Say it’s something you both need to do and do it together. Make it a fun bonding activity. Make her plates for dinner and make sure neither of you go back for seconds. Portions are meant to satisfy, not stuff. I would never mention looks or body image. When talking about what you’re doing, keep the focus on being healthy and having energy. Make sure your daughter gets the appropriate amount of sleep for her age too.
10. OK, have you ever watched porn? Vaginas come in all different looks, shapes and sizes. My girlfriend had a boob that was bigger than the other. Did I care? NO, ALL I SAW WAS BOOBS! Seriously, if a girl is going down on you, she is thinking “FUCK YES.” She’s not doing a labia Hot Or Not poll. I wouldn’t worry about it.
3. I second all the ‘phase her out’ comments. You don’t have to be rude, just don’t invite her into your life. She’ll probably get the message and leave you alone. If she asks you what’s going on, don’t lie, tell her as politely as you can how you feel. With any luck she’ll drop it, not wanting to humiliate herself.
1. Wonderful women will work with you about this.
3. She already rocked the boat, just gently tip it over.
4. This feels like that comparing apples to oranges thing.
5. Find a gaymo that loves processing even more than the usual ones.
6. No.
9. If you don’t believe her then don’t tell her things unless you want to regardless of her response.
10. Any partner who would reject on that basis is not labia-worthy.
#10: so is one of mine! I remember when I first noticed it as a kid and it freaking me out. way back then I thought, “what if someone eventually sees it? omigod I’m never going to have sex!!”
by the time I was actually ready to have sex etc, I had forgotten all about it. nobody I’ve been with has ever noticed/cared. don’t worry!
I recently asked my sexual health doctor about it during a routine checkup and she laughed – soooo many women have that, she said.
and this coming from a lady who has to look at more vaginas than we’ll ever see in our lives put together!
so hey girl, don’t worry :)