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All of the editors, most of the writers, and some of the interns may be at Camp, but that doesn’t mean that humans out there in this giant world of ours have stopped having problems and feelings and emotions in need of the processing. That’s where you come in. Since we are all on a mountain top and away from electronic communicative devices perhaps you, dear reader, can help these bipeds with their various situations. It’s a Formspring Friday!
20 Formspring Questions For You To Answer While We Roast Marshmallows
Catcalled! Get it?
1. Is it wrong to be dating a girl to whom I’m not physically attracted? She asked me out and I decided to give her a chance. Mentally, we’re very compatible. It just feels nice having someone pay me attention.
2. The girl I was casually seeing and having a good time with just told me she likes me too much to keep doing a causal thing but also cannot be in a relationship. What the hell do I say to that?
3. How do you deal with unwanted attention from strangers? I just want to hold her hand without being glared/yelled/catcalled at.
4. This fall, I will be a student for the first time in 10 years. I have tried to avoid going back to school, but it is necessary for my current life goal. How do I make higher education a bearable experience? What are the tricks to being happy in academia?
5. My girlfriend dumped me for another girl and I’m an emotional wreck. I want to tell my family (that lives across the country) for support but I haven’t come out to them. I’m afraid I will be rejected but I feel so alone right now. What should I do?
6. I have a giant crush on my friend who might not be straight, would it be better to talk to her about it or could I make a grand gesture and kiss her? I don’t want to lose her as a friend…
7. I work as a lawyer in a firm where everyone is straight. I don’t want to be out and face discrimination or comments but I am really tired of the lies about being single or having a boyfriend. I really don’t know how to handle these feelings.
8. Is it actually possible to slow down the u-haul tendency? Do relationships that are u-haul-y ever work? I just want to see her every day and put my mouth on hers every day and we’ve just met like a week ago. How can I rein myself in?
9. Any advice to getting over my anxiety and responding to okcupid messages?
10. I’ve never been good at getting over crushes, even though i know that it will probably never lead anywhere and she’s expressed interest in other people. advice?
11. I’ve been thinking about breaking up w/ her nearly every day for 6 months. But I still love her, so I keep making everything better, because that’s what makes sense to me. She has no idea what I’m thinking and the farther it goes, the more happy “we” are.
12. In an LDR how can I tell if this feeling is I miss her or i’m dreading that the relationship needs to end? Starting college, I don’t want to sacrifice the ‘college experience’ for the 5 hour trip to hers every weekend. wrt break ups,in person or by phone?
13. I’m not a-sexual, after three years of celibacy/debate I got just drunk enough to approach another person for physical contact and it rocked, but how can I do this in a healthy I know your last name and will speak to you again kind of way?
14. Squirt is such a terrible word. Squirt is like moist. It’s just the worst. We need a better word. Thoughts?
15. Are there any common stores that sell dental dams?
16. I have short nails. My short nails are always like tiny little claws. HOW DO I CHANGE THIS?
17. I have this wonderful friend. She is the best ever. She smells awful and she is aware and it is part of being punk or maybe one of the other strange things she is always on about and I want to be a nice person, but also feel violated sometimes. Help me?
18.I’ve never gotten along well with people my own age, but I get along well with adults. I’ve never been able to form a relationship with someone my age, and people tell me to wait for them to mature, but in college now it isn’t any better. Help?
19. So, your opinion..under what conditions would it be okay to beg for an ex back?
20. I’m starting to doubt if I’ll ever learn the difference between co-dependence and love. Can one experience both feelings concurrently?
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1. if i know someone and adore them but don’t want to make out with them i’m usually just friends with them. but friends is not less than girlfriends, or dating. it’s just different.
14. i agree. but the only thing worse than squirting is someone who calls it “that thing”. as in “did that thing just happen?” my friend calls sex “doing the rain dance” and when she squirts she is “making it rain” but that’s kind of weird to me. idk maybe it’s not that weird.
16. buy a nail file. i have weird nail beds (what a strange thing to say) and i am religious about filing any sharp edges. it’s not weird to file your nails while you check your email or watch tv.
19. don’t beg for that. your ex is not air. they are not a necessity. there are some people who are so amazing and perfect and they are really good at cuddling but if they leave your life, it will actually go on. if you never speak to each other again, you will miss them, and think about them, and they may miss and think about you. but it’s not going to actually kill either of you. there is no reason to make yourself so small and tell yourself that you can’t live without someone because you always can, and when you’re thinking about begging is when you should try and live without them. because they really are not that necessary, in the long run. if it happens, it happens. but if it doesn’t it will not harm you.
re: your #14 friend who like rain, I think that yes that is weird but also yes I think it is one of the best euphemisms I have ever heard of
*likes
15. Most stores sell condoms, and it’s really easy to turn one into a dental dam with a pair of (sterile) scissors or your teeth. http://std.about.com/od/oralsextips/ig/make-a-dental-dam/
2. The girl I was casually seeing and having a good time with just told me she likes me too much to keep doing a causal thing but also cannot be in a relationship. What the hell do I say to that?
This pretty much sounds like me. I am constantly saying things that contradict each other but actually make sense to me. I say you should just give her some time to figure things out and ask questions about why she can not be in a relationship. I think that relationships work themselves out. Most of all though, approach this kindly, if she is like me, she doesn’t know that what she said is perplexing.
7. I work as a lawyer in a firm where everyone is straight. I don’t want to be out and face discrimination or comments but I am really tired of the lies about being single or having a boyfriend. I really don’t know how to handle these feelings.
As a woman I am going to assume that you are in the minority in the office, if you are not, awesome! I have just left a job where I was an engineer and I was the only woman out of 17 people on my team. This made it particularly hard to be queer because I felt like I either needed to be one of them and be interested in football, frat stuff, golf, money or be one of the girls in the office…feminine and flirty with the guys is how it seemed to me. I could not be either of those, and I really was aware of how straight the whole office was.
Basically after getting to know my coworkers I came out and was honest about myself, I used the phrase “my girlfriend and I” way too often so that no assumptions were made. What really happened was that no one really cared, and if they did I didn’t get any backlash, everyone was way too busy on their own work. When I talked about my personal life they respectfully listened. Hopefully it works out for you. It is really hard to work in an environment that is really heterocentric with people who follow the gender binary closely.
Autostraddle, you know my heart. Question #1 is the dilemma I currently have. Can’t wait for some real talk in these comments.
To #12 in the college LDR: obviously in person is the best, but I (mostly accidentally, I swear) broke up over gchat once and then the next time that particular LDR broke up was over the phone. When you’re in an LDR, especially in college when you don’t know when you’ll see each other next, all break-up-etiquette is off.
As for the missing v. dreading… go with your gut. If you were to break up with her right now, would you be more heartbroken or relieved? A little bit of both is fine, but if you’re feeling more relieved than heartbroken, it may be time to look at whether this relationship is worth keeping romantic.
1. Is it wrong to be dating a girl to whom I’m not physically attracted? She asked me out and I decided to give her a chance. Mentally, we’re very compatible. It just feels nice having someone pay me attention.
Um, I would tell her how you feel. If I were her, I’d want to know, so I could call things off. Because if I date someone, I want them to want me, so to speak. I also think it’s normal to break up with someone who is nice but for whom you don’t feel special pants-feelings. But you should do that. Rather than date her.
I totally get that attraction is something that can develop over time, and so, sometimes I think it’s worth giving things a chance. But this doesn’t seem like that time – the last line here is (1) a kinda shitty way to feel about someone you’re dating and (2) a kinda shitty way to treat someone you’re dating. ‘Cause this seems a bit like you’re just dating her for the attention.
(8) Honeymoon stage! We all experience it. Enjoy it, have fun with it. But it doesn’t mean that you have to speed through the relationship… because then what is there to look forward to? It’s fun to let the relationship grow and go through these different stages as they come… Enjoy that ‘can’t wait to see them’ ache you get when you’re apart. And then if it works out, those more ‘serious’ stages, like moving in together, making commitments… are even better when you have a history together, know each other that much more.
ALSO don’t let yourself get lost in the relationship. Try and enjoy the times you spend with just yourself, or with friends and family. Value quiet time and being alone.
(18) To be honest, I think this is a bit of a defence mechanism, the whole “ugh I don’t connect with people my age”. People are of varying “maturity” no matter how old they are. There are a lot of fantastic younger people and it’s fun to grow with them, as I’m sure even you have some growing to do! Try to open yourself up a bit… maybe look for clubs or groups with common interests… basically put yourself out there more. That said, it’s sometimes super hard to make friends and it’s not your fault if things aren’t clicking… but my advice is to drop the ‘only friends with adults’ attitude and see if you open up more.
1. Is it wrong to be dating a girl to whom I’m not physically attracted? She asked me out and I decided to give her a chance. Mentally, we’re very compatible. It just feels nice having someone pay me attention.
Tell her the truth. Honesty is the only way out of this mess. If you are only with her for the attention it is not fair to her. I think perhaps the two of you would be better off as friends if you are not attracted to her.
11. I’ve been thinking about breaking up w/ her nearly every day for 6 months. But I still love her, so I keep making everything better, because that’s what makes sense to me. She has no idea what I’m thinking and the farther it goes, the more happy “we” are.
You also need to be honest with her. It won’t be easy but it’s far kinder in the long run. It’s not fair to keep stringing her along because you love her. If you really want to break up with her that that is what you must do.
14. Squirt is such a terrible word. Squirt is like moist. It’s just the worst. We need a better word. Thoughts?
I’m not a fan of either the word or squirting itself. I’d rather not – my body does not give me that option. My ex called it “applause”. Just throwing that out there. No idea what to call it either.
19. So, your opinion..under what conditions would it be okay to beg for an ex back?
In my opinion, do not beg. It’s not dignified. If you are interested in trying to date your ex again only ask if A) you are the one who ended the relationship and B) if you are serious. But for the love of all that is cute and fluffy do not beg your ex. Just don’t do it. Trust me. After you’ll just feel twice as rejected.
applause is good! fanfare?
2. I don’t get why people are so scared of the word relationship. Actually, no, I do – it’s opening yourself up to a whole new segment of hurt. Maybe her previous experiences with relationships are of the less than happy kind? If you want to do something else than just the casual thing maybe try to figure out why she doesn’t want to be in a relationship. But it’s ok to not want that either.
18. It takes a long time to figure out who you are and to be comfortable with where you are in life. It’s ok to not get along with everyone around you just because you happen to belong to the same group, be it age, sexuality or that you like knitting. Forming relationships – romantic relationships and friendships – with people your own age (and all ages!) is often a good thing though. You may share experiences that you wouldn’t with for example someone who didn’t grow up at the same time as you. Going to a students’ organisation or union thing (I don’t know what they call them where you are) that is targeted to one of your interests, maybe?
4. This fall, I will be a student for the first time in 10 years. I have tried to avoid going back to school, but it is necessary for my current life goal. How do I make higher education a bearable experience? What are the tricks to being happy in academia?
I just re-started school this past fall semester, after a 6 year absence. I had my daughter in high school, then went to the local community college right after I graduated high school, only to stop about 2 classes away from an Associates Degree in Business.
But, after dealing with LIFE over the years, I’ve come to find that I have a passion, and made the decision to re-enter school at the age of 28. I feel like one of the oldest people on campus, I work full time and can only attend night classes, and I’m WAY not ready to tackle being a full time student.
But, you know what? I look around in the classes that I CAN take, and have noticed that I’m not the only one. There are plenty of other students who are my age or older, most of them coming back to school, others here for the first time, all trying to further themselves.
It’s way easy to find reasons to NOT do something, but I think self improvement and accomplishing life goals is an excellent reason to subject yourself to homework and test-taking all over again.
I also re-started school last fall (just started my second year this month). I’m in engineering school full-time at the age of 31 with a wife and three kids and it’s hard. But you’re probably not the only one who’s not fresh out of high school. Find a couple of people who are also re-starting, work through homework together, study for the tests. Having other people to commiserate with makes things easier. And don’t forget to take time for yourself every once in a while (I should be working on my Physics homework right now, but I needed a break). Focus on what is important, ignore the people who just like to complain about everything, and get it done. So far I don’t regret choosing to go back. It’s the best decision I’ve made. (Just wish there were women, especially queer women, in the engineering department at my school.)
1. I have two friends who were in the same predicament as you. “This person isn’t my type.” I have now been to both of their weddings.
Dating someone is about getting to know that person. Give it a shot and maybe you’ll surprise yourself and find something there. Or maybe not and then you can break it off. Breaking it off doesn’t mean you were being disingenuous the whole time. You got to know her and it didn’t work.
My advice: Do it. A couple dates and some good times wont hurt anything. Don’t be tied to a picture of what you think you want.
I agree with this. If you feel in your gut that you’re really not going to click, then don’t put both of yourselves through the trouble. Maybe be friends? It sounds like you would at least be good friends. It sounds like you’re maybe not sure what’s in your gut, though. If your gut is confused, listen to Dawn and give it a shot. I don’t think you need be 100% honest about the physical attraction thing right away, if you’re confused, if you think you might feel differently after a couple more dates.
Definitely don’t drag it out longer than that though, if you continue to feel zero attraction to this person. I dated this girl for a MONTH that I felt no attraction for, but I kept hoping that that would change… it didn’t. In your case, of course it could change. Sometimes we just need to get to know someone first, and attraction follows. But follow your gut. I kept feeling like I should end it and I took too long trying to “give her a chance” and ignoring my own feelings. So yeah, don’t do that. :P
Ha, and to think I tried so hard. Ouch.
Arg didn’t mean to reply to that one. I think I’m too tired to be doing this.
2. Run in the opposite direction. This person is going to play endless mind games with you and everyone will end up miserable.
10. Get this person out of your life. Stop talking, unsubscribe to her updates on facebook. Having her around all the time is only going to make the feelings worse. It seems hard and unfair, but carrying a torch for this person will cut you off from opportunities with new people
Re: 2, yeah, I would run like the wind. (I mean, I’d ask her what she meant just to give her a chance to maybe be like, “That was a really dumb thing I said – let’s just keep on having casual good times,” but I’d probably be out).
12 – break up with her a week before you leave for college. Trust me, kid. It’s the best way.
oh then when you get to college just totally emmerse yourself in it. Go extra curricular… Everything! Make friends and delete her number from your phone.
12. If you have the feeling that your girlfriend might “ruin your college experience”, then break up with her. If the relationship was that important to you, the question shouldn’t even come up. Personally, I think that even considering the question of breaking-up shows that you are still at a stage in your life where other things are more important than sustaining a LDR.
So tell her beforehand that you might not want to continue the relationship – then she can decide if she wants to stay in it. But telling her over the phone etc. once you are there and enjoying yourself is not really very respectful in my opinion.
And trust me, if you truly missed her, you would know.
#2: I think, first of all, you need to investigate further into her reasoning behind not wanting a serious relationship. What have her previous relationships been like, and could a relationship between the two of you be built significantly differently from that, in a positive way, on both of your terms? Also, have you considered the possibility of having an open relationship with eachother…? Maybe you two could have the kind of intimacy or commitment that she wants, but you could still be casual with other people? Maybe you could be close with each other and not have to have a “serious,” exclusive relationship. there are a lot of ways to be close to a person; maybe she just means that she wants more than purely sexual contact, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to turn into a traditional couple to elevate your relationship to a new level.
20. I’m starting to doubt if I’ll ever learn the difference between co-dependence and love. Can one experience both feelings concurrently?
I’m not an expert but I’ll weigh in here because I had my own phase with this problem. Love means you want to be with someone; co-dependence means you fear you can’t live without them.
It often means using another person as a solution to a problem that lies within, a problem you need to solve on your own. For example, if you have no confidence in your appearance and compensate by depending on your lover to make you feel beautiful. That puts pressure on her and it’s no party for you either.
Being dependent on a partner to take care of you because you’re not doing it will eventually exhaust the relationship. More importantly, it is way less stressful for everyone when we depend on ourselves and join with others not because we NEED them, but because we want to be with them and we feel joy as opposed to anxiety.
1. You must stop. Relationships founded on vague pity and the desire to be desired do not end well, besides being condescending. Would you want to be in this girl’s position?
2. This is a bullshit thing to say; either it’s a way of gently breaking things off or she genuinely thinks this is a meaningful utterance. I think the second one is worse. Either way.
3. The most satisfactory response I have found to being catcalled (or someone with me being catcalled) is to directly engage with the harasser. My tactic is to stop, look the person in the eye, ask them to repeat themselves (they almost certainly won’t) and say, as calmly and matter-of-factly as I can manage, “Why would you say that to a woman you don’t know? That’s not appropriate.” This has mostly just been with general being-a-woman-induced harassment though, I have not tried this with homophobia-induced harassment. But my feeling is that the way to deal with people treating you as an object is to insist that they engage with you as a human being.
11. There are many mysteries in this story, but six months of thinking something every day surely means you must act to change your life in one way or the other. Can you envision a situation in which your relationship would be improved enough that you would actively want to stay in it? What would it take to get there? My experience has been that once you have begun thinking you’d like to break up with someone there is nothing you can do to reverse that. Something has turned off inside you and wanting to turn it back will not help you find that place again. As with question #1, the kinder and more respectful thing to do is likely to leave. When someone asks you, “How long have you been thinking about this?” you want the answer to be maybe a couple of weeks, and certainly not six months.
17. This is not within your control. She is not smelling bad *at* you; I cannot quite see why you’d feel “violated.” Since apparently the topic has already been discussed, though, you can call it out every so often in a light way. If you can’t sit on a couch next to her or something it seems perfectly reasonable to move to another chair and say, “Sorry, I can’t really deal with the body-odor thing right now.”
19. Begging? Never. Asking? Maybe: if you were the dumper? Sure, after a bunch of thinking and understanding why you made the mistake of dumping them in the first place and with no expectations that it’ll be fruitful. If you were the dumpee? Never.
Yeah
#2
I agree. She is bullshitting you. Run. Fast.
11. Dump her. I had those same feelings. I still truly loved her. Then after a while, she could tell I was disinterested (focusing on work and school over her too) and found someone who would devote themselves entirely to her. She cheated on me for months before I realized. Now I don’t respect her at all. I wish I had ended it when I could still respect and love her.
19. Never beg. Learn your lesson and move on. If you try to get her back she’ll always be concerned about getting dumped again (if you originally dumped her), or she’ll think she has the upper hand and will treat you badly (if she originally dumped you).
20. I think it’s different for everyone and in every relationship. In one, I loved her so much but was still very detached. And in my other great love, I felt like we were the same person sometimes. When it ended I lost so much of myself. It was the hardest thing I’ve done, creating an independent me after that.
Number 11 was me, even if I didn’t ask the question. I kind of lost interest, was busy with school and work and planning to move away, and she ended up cheating on me with her ex. Which solved the problem of me having to break up with her but it left a lot of bad feelings.
Better to rip off the band-aid quickly, is what I learned.
18. I have the same issue. I’m also pretty reserved/timid. Most of my friends are 5-10 years older than me which makes it a cyclical problem; I get along better with older people, I spend more time with older people, I get used to being around older people. I’ve learned to accept that unless I find someone who’s just like me (old soul/accustomed to being around older/more mature people) I need to be with someone who is a few years older than me. Not a million years older, just a few. It’s annoying, but I’d rather stick it out for someone whose maturity level is compatible with mine than date someone my age who seems like a teenager compared to my normal social group.
7 is pretty relevant to me, I am interested to read all your advice.
1. I think yes – it made me feel like shit when I was the other person in that situation.
5. That’s how I came out to my mom. I told myself I’d come out when it came up and then I was sad about a girl and I wanted to tell my mom so I did. At worst, it takes your mind off the sad about the girl part because now you have mom drama, and at best, your mom can be comforting. I think it’s a little harder for a mom to be rejecting when her kid is brokenhearted.
6. Consent! Communication!
7. As a lawyer, you’ve probably thought of this, but maybe check if it’s legal to discriminate based on sexual orientation in your state. If not, come out!
11. That one happened to me too. I finally talked to her about it and we were finally able to work on the real stuff that was going on and now we’re still together and it’s actually good. (Or that conversation could end in a breakup, which is what I was expecting – and you have to be ready for that, of course, but either way, you can’t let it stay how it is.)
1: It’s wrong to enter an exclusive relationship with someone you’re not attracted to. It’s not wrong to go on a bunch of dates with someone to see if feelings will develop. If after a few dates you’re still not feeling it, be as kind as possible about breaking things off, but accept that she might view you as the bad guy anyway. Any variation of “I’m just not that into you,” no matter how compassionately it is delivered, is not a fun thing to hear.
2: I think you have to take her exactly at face value. What she’s told you is that she likes you a lot but is not mentally in a place where she can continue to date you in any capacity. She’s given you a bright and clear warning that if you continue to see her, things are not going to go well.
6: Definitely do not go the grand gesture route. That is a thing that works really well in movies but not in real life. Kissing a girl who may not want to be kissed/isn’t expecting to be kissed is a really shitty, invasive thing to do to her. Enthusiastic consent is the way to go.
9. The only advice I have is to try to tamp down your expectations. The thing is, dating website profiles are these carefully curated things that don’t represent your true self. When you’re writing a message, the goal shouldn’t be “I need to impress her!”, it should be, “I need to be myself, because I’d only want to date someone who liked me for me, anyway.” Also, don’t act like there’s a whole potential future relationship riding on it. Act like there’s a potentially fun 2 hours spent in the company of a stranger who seems cool riding on it. It’s just one date.
17. I’m not trying to be glib, but maybe only hang out with her in well-ventilated areas?
#11. having just been on the receiving line of this topic, trust me, hearing that my ex was thinking about it for “a few months” was devastating. I still have to stop myself and not go through all the activities and conversations of the past few months that we were together, thinking why did she pretend everything was OK or why didn’t she say something sooner? The truth is, although I hate to admit it, I’m glad it’s just over so I can continue to heal. It’s been just over 3 months since the break up and every week I feel better and better. I think you will feel a lot better if you follow your heart and let her free to be able to heal hers and start again. if you really love her, allow her to do this. and if you love yourself, stand up for your feelings and don’t drag things any further.
#5. you are not alone. continue to reach out on forums like this, and maybe soon you will build up the strength to tell your family. is there one family member you can start with first? maybe the whole clan seems overwhelming, but if you can slowly build allies, it may make the whole coming out easier. Even if you get resistance from every single one of ‘tu familia’, just know that time will make everything better, if they don’t take the news lightly right away, days, months, and even years later you find find that support.
#18 – Aaaah, I struggle with the exact same thing! I’ve been having trouble making lasting friendships with people my own age for many years. Plus, I end up acting more reserved around those older than me that I feel a connection with because I think they would be uncomfortabe with a closer friendship (because of the age difference.) Yet I feel like an old curmudgeon!
Autostraddlers, please help!
#5- “5. My girlfriend dumped me for another girl and I’m an emotional wreck. I want to tell my family (that lives across the country) for support but I haven’t come out to them. I’m afraid I will be rejected but I feel so alone right now. What should I do?”
That is hard. And basically how I unplannedly (no, not a word) came out to my sister. I was a wreck after recent heartbreak and we’d grown closer and closer as adult friends and I was just so wanting her support. I knew she would consider my attraction to and relationships with women as a sin, but I just so wanted to lean on someone who cared for me and had known me my whole life, and the story came spilling out, along with tears. She comforted me and was completely compassionate, which I was grateful for. At times though it makes me sad that the context she learned of my queerness in was a negative light, and I’ve worried that it somehow confirmed for her the belief that it’s wrong. Still, to have her be so supportive in the very moment she was having this curveball thrown at her to accept really deepened my trust of her and our friendship.
So, I don’t know if my story helps. I feel for how hard that is, and I remember that feeling of wishing I had the love and support of my family and not being able to share with them why I was so sad. Being across the country makes it harder as there are so many clues you can pick up on in person to know if you are safe to continue forward with your sharing. After I felt really betrayed (I was left for someone else, too) what I really desired was to feel safe. It may be true that hearing their loved one and family member hurting would lead to your family to put aside their own hang-ups and focus on what you need, or not, it’s hard to know without knowing your family. You’re in a vulnerable place, so you want the comfort of your family, but coming out to them also lends you hugely vulnerable. Maybe think about who in your family would be most likely to be accepting in any situation and talk to that person, even if it is someone you are not that close to. And, good luck.
19. I felt the same as you for a long time growing up, and even into college, so I really get where you’re coming from. I often felt like my peers were incredibly immature and like I couldn’t really connect to them on any kind of meaningful level. I always figured things would get better the older we all got, and that did end up being true, but it was only after college and, now, in grad school, that I really feel connected to people my age. So it IS true that the way you are able to relate to your peers will improve with time/age.
BUT I don’t think you should give up hope for now, either! I did manage to find people with whom I clicked my first year in college. The key to that was finding people who were in my major, so we had something in common (and it’s amazing actually how just that simple thing can lead to so many other similarities in personality and interests!). I’d also recommend joining a club that represents a particular interest of yours, or doing something extracurricular that will get you meeting people who think the same way as you, whether that means a yoga group or volunteering with a nonprofit or joining a cooking club… whatever it is that gets you excited and passionate– find people who share that passion, because it usually leads to finding out you share more than just that one thing.
And try not to be smothered by people you don’t click with. You’ll be surrounded by them, but you don’t have to feel oppressed by them! If you live in a dorm (or really, any living situation where you’re in close contact with people who are not YOUR people), make sure you give yourself lots of chances to get out and go somewhere else, even if it’s just a park or coffee shop. Doing that always made me feel more centered and more myself, and seeing all the kinds of people out there reminded me that my kinds of people had to out there too, and I would find them. Don’t feel like you have to socialize with people who don’t get you. Trying to connect with people you can never connect with is not a fun feeling, and you can start feeling like you’re losing yourself.
Don’t freak out! I made it through that weird period. You can do this. :)
Shit that was meant to be number 18! Haha.