Welcome to the first recap of the third season of Faking It, a show about teenagers with a passion for savoury tarts and lemon drizzle cakes from the network that brought you The Hard Times of RJ Berger.
We open on a resplendent late summer afternoon, where a newly confident Amy is rehearsing her Hi Karma I’m Back speech for the Manic Panic Pussy Explosion Vans Warped Tour.
I’m not saying that nobody should love cats, it’s just me, I just think I’m not a cat person, and no traveling van tour of cats can convince me otherwise.
We shot kittens out of a cannon for you. We created a literal Pussy Explosion.
Honestly, that part was a little weird.
Amy’s learned a lot this summer; like that lots of queer girls fall for their best friends, and that it’s always fun to kiss girls with tongue!
Mmmm Flonase
Amy’s apparent new lady-lover bids adieu, as she’s got to head back to Portland because OF COURSE SHE DOES. The rest of the Jawbreakers wish Amy good luck with her tiny life in the Blue Oasis and remind her that she’s got nothing to apologize for. Aw, queer friends!
Amy proceeds gallantly to the local pool, where Karma and Shane are teaching water aerobics to a motley crew of senior citizens. Yup, Karma and Shane are besties now: sharing diet sodas, scooping toddler excrement from the kiddie pool, and undoubtedly telling each other lies for no real reason.
Well, there goes my Diva cup
When it comes to Amy’s return, though, Karma’s about as lukewarm as urine in a swimming pool, wholly unexcited to see her alleged bestie while wholly invested in seeming like she’s cool and perfect and everything’s all good. Apparently Amy went “off the grid” all summer which sounds both terrifying and improbable.
Amy begins her Return to Karma speech, but it’s mercilessly interrupted by wild children with squirt guns. Karma declines Amy’s request for what would undoubtedly be a thrilling Girls Night watching ParaNorman and eating Chunky Monkey. She’s got a Lifeguard Bonfire thing to go to. “We’ll text!” Karma says in a voice that implies “We’ll never text.”
Why yes, Shane did teach me the ins and outs of anal sex this summer —
I DON’T NEED DETAILS
Chez Fawcett. Lauren’s inspirational speech at the school board went viral and — and! — she even had the honor of being an unpaid guest on HuffPost Live, which means Lauren and I have something in common. Except that I was on HuffPost Live to talk about scissoring, and I can only dream of a day when Lauren would be on HuffPost Live to talk about scissoring.
I can’t believe you’re talking to me about The People Vs. OJ Simpson when you KNOW I couldn’t watch the episode last night because I had to be in this show instead!
Amy says she’s grown and changed this summer but Lauren disagrees due to Amy’s continued insistence on talking about Karma all the time. Also, Amy still feels sexually fluid and doesn’t want to label herself and this summer she learned that she didn’t have to, probably from reading Elle Magazine. It’s almost as if Amy is choosing her identity based on something besides my personal desire for her to be a lesbian. UGH.
Oh and also Lauren’s holding auditions for a new Elizabeth to accompany her to the Lifeguard L Word Luau that evening. You know, the one Amy wasn’t invited to. Lauren’s calling it a “Friendternship” which is kind of what I did to Grace.
You. Over there. Get my lunch out of your mouth.
NOBODY TOLD ME THIS WAS YOUR SANDWICH
Hipster Coffee Truck Shop For Java and Jams: Liam’s dumb ‘ol face is fresh and inspired after a refreshing summer jetting around the globe with his new girlfriend, Baked Zita. Also, Liam found his Dad! Also, Liam’s Dad is dead. Also, Liam is Jewish! So there are two things I have in common with Liam: Dead Dads and Judaism. L’Chaim!
That’s right, brah, chug that energy drink, get those electrolytes!
Shane admits he’s real good friends with Karma now, which doesn’t bother Liam one lil bit ’cause he’s totally moved on. Despite this assurance, Shane lies when Liam asks if he wants to hang out that night, saying he’s gotta count dildos with his Mom when we all know he’s going to World’s Best Baywatch Bonfire. Everybody’s going! It’s the Party of the Summer! Of course, that lie gets busted the second Amy shows up begging Shane to take her to the Lifeguard Luxury Party of the Summer so she can talk to Karma about their friendship. I know what you’re thinking — is a Lifeguard Bonfire really the best place to have a friendship conversation? To which I will remind you that Amy’s constantly at risk of being shot by a stray bullet after getting in a car accident and has to gather her friendship conversation rosebuds while she may, or whatever.
Well? Did they have any Ektorp sofas in the “As-is” section?
Chez Fawcett: Lauren’s about to pick her new friendtern from the assembled gaggle of humans Lauren considers to be freaks and geeks when a late applicant bursts through the door, looking very gender-normative and like she can afford expensive hair products. Lauren picks her right on the spot!
Okay now who here identifies as a sub and who identifies as a top?
….
As you can see, Leila is a bottom, and we’re just looking for a little more variety for this weekends Intro to BDSM Workshop. So —
I’m a switch!
Welcome to the team.
Lifeguard Beach Bonfire Shirtless Gala: Shane and Karma are hosting a campfire sing-a-long and Liam and Amy are lurking like creeps. Amy notes that a bunch of strangers in their bathing suits drinking alcohol is kind of her worst nightmare. Speaking of worst nightmares, meet Dylan:
I’m not letting you into my party until you return my copy of O Pioneers!
Dylan is from Hawaii, thinks Shane has perfect nipples, and enjoys surfing the waves of Karma’s mouth with his tongue and mouth!
Yoo-hoo this was supposed to be a THREESOME
Karma tells a petulant Amy that she didn’t invite Amy to the Lifeguard Beverly Beach Club Summer Bash-a-thon ’cause she knows strangers in their bating suits drinking alcohol is kind of her worst nightmare, but Guess What, Karma? The New Amy loves bathing suit parties! And strangers! Oh and…. Karma didn’t mention her boyfriend earlier ’cause she didn’t want Amy to have feelings and need to leave town again.
Amy: That’s the thing! I don’t have those feelings anymore. After a summer apart I am 100% over you.
Karma: [sarcastically] YAY!
Amy: Now we can get back on track, isn’t this great news?
Yeah, kinda, whatever, totally, sure! But Karma’s BUSY, she’s at a very important Summer Beach Bonfire party, so maybe they could have this heart-to-heart another time and Amy can enjoy a party of one. It’s ALL GOOD!
I got veneers! What do you think??!
Liam and Amy are both experiencing pangs of sadness and confusion regarding Karma and Shane’s budding friendship.
Lauren brings her new friend Erica and her runner-up to the Lifeguard Life-Magic Ladyparty, but quickly learns that Erica ALSO has instagram followers and is ALSO looking to build her personal brand and Lauren only has room for one brand in her life and that brand is Lauren.
It was gonna be a surprise, but you need to know that I just figured out how to photoshop your head onto a beaver!
I said BEA ARTHUR, not BEAVER
Guess what else happened this summer! GUESS WHAT ELSE! Okay I’ll tell you: Dylan and Shane and Karma jumped off a cliff! Unfortunately, they landed in a body of water. Amy thinks Karma probably barfed ’cause she’s afraid of heights, but the New Karma is not afraid of heights. New Karma’s not afraid of heights!
I just can’t figure out what Shane wants from me, you know?
New Karma isn’t letting her “childhood issues” impede her desire to use marijuana either, which by the way, Amy ALSO tried this past summer but it made her “more paranoid than Fox News.” What if when you take away “explaining each other to other people” and “protecting each other from allergic reactions and psychological triggers,” all that’s left of this friendship is hate-watching Twilight and sexual tension?
Who told this man it was okay to sit next to me
Everybody at this party is insufferable, by the way. Like there’s a bro everybody calls Squid, and everybody calls Karma “starfish” and I think somebody else is called “stingray” and Squid refers to his buddies as “guarders of life” and Squid dedicates his anchor tattoo to them and has ink for everybody! Jeff Spicoli could swim very slow laps around these fools.
Uh, what makes you think that straight people can’t scissor?
Amy’s still being Captain SoMuchFun:
Amy: You made me promise to try and stop you if you ever tried to get a tattoo.
Karma: And you did! Thank you for your service. You are hereby honorarily discharged.
This is kind of the age for these things to happen, though — you were kids, and now you’re not, and who you hang out as teenagers with sometimes depends way too much on exactly what you’re willing to drink or which drugs you’re interested in trying and how comfortable you are with various misdemeanors. Generally, it’s a lot easier to watch your best friend or your girlfriend grow and change when you’re still on solid ground — when you’re not, every change, even the good ones, can feel like drifting apart, and holding on too tight can feel a lot like refusing to let somebody be themselves, as shifty and erratic as that definition might be. Karma and Amy bump up against this time and time again, like when Karma decided she wanted to be a drunken party girl and when Karma wasn’t excited about painting ceramic unicorns.
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everybody calls Karma “starfish” Get it? Cause she’s being an asshole??
I will never actually watch this show but I so look forward to these glorious recaps. I think that’s most people here tho…
No one’s actually watching the show if the rating are anything to go by. Expect this to be the last season (or half season or whatever they do).
I’m glad there’s someone here to remind us how much the “self-care” argument makes sense (and how important it is). When characters are being emotional, sometimes you tend to agree with the person who looks the saddest at the moment. :P
I’d be down for a limited web series about Amy’s summer with Pussy Explosion.
And I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY like saying Pussy Explosion.
it would definitely be more interesting than this show!
I am delighted that this show is back and equally delayed of these recaps are back! Although I’m feeling tricked/wary, because I read a lot of hype that Amy would have a girlfriend this season and a long distance Portland girlfriend is not going to cut it for me… So we’ll see.
I’m kind of shocked that I didn’t mind Liam this episode. He and Amy get along fine when they’re on the same page. They’re the reasonable ones to Shane and Karma’s over the top ones! And they have lots in common (well, one thing meaning Karma). I would not mind if the season has more of them interacting, let’s put it that way.
i never watch this show but i always read your words about it, so i’m really glad you’re watching it for us.
shoutout to the as-is section!
Is questioning someone’s ethnicity and making them walk on coals to prove it a normal thing to do when you’re suspicious of them? Just checking.
I mean, this guy just said he was Hawaiian, not a vampire or something . . .
While usually I’m all for more Jewish characters on TV, that doesn’t mean I want Liam to be one of the Chosen People. Can we return him? He’s giving us a bad name.
I mean, technically his dad being Jewish doesn’t make him a Jew, so we do have that… ;)
I’m getting sick and tired of Karma the same way that I am sick and tired of #Brallie LOL You go, Amy! Don’t apologize! Oh and one more The Fosters reference is that guy Dylan is Mat LOL anyway highway, missed these recaps! ^_^
I am also in the I-don’t-watch-this-but-read-the-recaps-because-they’re-great club, which is a place I never thought I’d be, but am happily reconciled with because it’s clear this is the superior version.
Right now, I’d be really down for Heather and Riese to recap an entirely imaginary show. It could be the next great narrative form!
OMG and then Buzzfeed would make an article like “WE INVENTED A NEW FORM OF STORYTELLING” and we’d be like “of course you did, buzzfeed, of course you did”.
As always, the captions on the screenshots deserve an award.
YESSSS! The return of these recaps has made my day!
Well, this episode was a bit underwhelming.
Highlights:”You,too,Steven!” and everything Lauren, because.
i’m very glad that i can read your recaps of what’s going on in lauren’s life again
The romantic comedy “Faking It” uses a liberal Texas community and a high-school-age cast to present a commentary on sexual orientation, tolerance and acceptance among young people today.
Since nobody is watching this show, maybe they should just drop the bullshit and just make the show a half hour of Karma and Amy making out. Since that was the only thing that made me watch it in the first place. All the drama is terrible, contrived drama.
Also, throw Lauren in there making out with someone hot too.
This website is the best.
Bitch bitch bitch biiiitch!!!!
Oh! Sorry, my bitch-alarm went crazy while I was reading the new Karma-behavior…. Seriously, she´s aaaggggrrrrr… no words, sorry.