Cut to Parking Lot Party Time, where Xander’s breaking the news to Liam that his art sucks but he somehow got the fellowship anyhow.
Be real with me, son. Can you ever see me as anything besides Xander from Buffy? Because apparently Riese can’t.
Xander from Buffy: I see potential in you. You’re angsty and emotional, you can use it in your heart. The fellowship’s yours if you still wanna spend a semester away.
Probably there was a lesbian #KARMY shipper on the fellowship board, let’s be real.
Starsweep to the Inside The School set, where Lauren’s dropping off her student council signatures and has ZERO time for Shane’s snark about who she bribed to get those signatures because she just found out that her boyfriend’s is a narc and probs their WHOLE RELATIONSHIP WAS A LIE!
Lauren: I am humiliated, and confused and not in the mood for your crap.
Shane: Lauren! Wait! Would it make you feel any better to know I’ve been humiliated too?
Lauren: Yes.
Ugh why won’t this gay guy stop asking me to prom HELLO I KNOW YOU’RE GAY YOU’RE NOT FOOLING ANYBODY
Shane shows her a nice shot of Duke and his new lady-love, a former Biggest Loser contestant, but Lauren doesn’t feel bad for Shane — she feels bad for the girlfriend, who’s got no idea who her boyfriend REALLY IS.
Lauren: Taffy deserves to know the truth! AND SO DO I!
Lauren storms off, leaving Shane alone to ponder how exactly he’ll facilitate the telling of the truth to Taffy. This is clearly all the ammunition he needs to do something unwise!
Surely Edible Arrangements made pineapple flowers that look like nuts and balls on purpose tight
Starsweep to the county jail, which’s much cleaner and more flatteringly lit than any actual county jail, which’s probably because THIS jail cell contains three inmates and one of them is MY FAVORITE COMEDIAN JULIE GOLDMAN!!!
Julie’s been getting so much work this year! People’s Couch, The Mindy Project… hot damn! Butch lezzers are suddenly in high demand, THE REVOLUTION HAS COME. Anyhow, Amy’s gotten herself arrested to hash it out with Karma, but Karma won’t even share a bench with her former bestie.
Julie Goldman: What’d you do to your hand?
Amy: Punched a cop in the face.
Julie Goldman: Atta girl. Let me see it, my cousin’s a doctor.
Honestly sometimes I watch the Black Swan episode of IYBO over and over again when I can’t sleep, I just find it so soothing
Across the room, Molly’s imploring Karma to consider if possibly she’s being a bit harsh, and Amy’s begging for a chance to explain.
Karma: Amy, please explain to me how you could have sex with my boyfriend and then lie to my face about it for weeks!
Molly: Amy, you had sex with a boy?!
Karma: (to her Mom) Focus on the crushing betrayal. (to Amy) You did the one thing you knew I could never forgive. You left me no choice but to hate you, and I hate you for that!
Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?
Amy’s got 60 seconds to explain to Karma why it’s “not as bad as it sounds” or else Amy’s gonna have to transfer schools ’cause Karma never wants to see her face again! What if the public school system really worked that way? “My lesbian best friend slept with this can of baked beans I had a crush on after I broke her heart, can she switch districts?”
Amy: Just to be clear, I’m not interested in Liam. I only slept with him because I wanted to hurt you in the worst way possible.
Other Inmate: Not a great opening. Hope you’re not representing yourself in court.
What is with this “I wanted to hurt you” thing? Where is this coming from? This started last episode and now they are running with it all the way off a cliff! THAT DOES NOT EVEN MAKE SENSE. In zero worlds does that idea make sense. If you were to ask me “what universe does that make sense in?” I’d go like this:
NO UNIVERSES!!!
Like did she weigh her options? Was she like, “well, I could dunk all of Karma’s thongs in neon green puffy paint, that’d hurt… or I could slash her tires, classic move! OH HEY LOOK IT’S A MAN THIS IS THE BEST WAY!!!” If there weren’t 12 people in my apartment right now I might get deeper into this.
Anyhow, Amy continues:
Amy: Remember when you saved up all that money to buy that Cinderella dress and you kept it in my room so that your Mom wouldn’t see it —
Molly: Karma!
Amy: Wow, I’m really screwing this up. My point is that you were always fantasizing about missing your Prince Charming. I was happy just to share a cardboard castle with you. And it wasn’t until we kissed in the gym that I realized why. I’ve been in love with you since they day we met, and suddenly we were pretending to be a couple and there was hand-holding and kissing and threesomes — I started to have hope. Hope that you were realizing your Prince Charming was Princess Sarcasm. But when that hope died, my heart broke and I was hurt and angry and I just wanted to cause you pain, and then I got drunk and Liam was there like a human sledgehammer and then I sobered up and I knew I made the biggest mistake of my life, and I knew that if you found out this would happen…
Karma: Time’s up.
Amy: Screw the time! You said that we can get through anything. Please just give me a chance to earn your trust back!
Amy’s sad.
I just really, really, really, really want a trans-inclusive ENDA!
…….
Amy holds half her Best Friends Necklace over the toilet, threatening to ditch it if Karma doesn’t decide if she wants Amy in her life anymore. Karma, clearly concerned about how wasteful it is to flush claire’s products down the drain, can’t watch her discard this lovely memento and at the last minute says “Wait.” Well, that was fast! Conflict: resolved.
Cut to Liam’s father’s limousine. It’s like a hangout limousine. You know how it is when you’re really rich and you have a very long car, it’s hard to resist the urge to always hang out in your car, you know? I mean, this car is very long, and there’s a lot of glassware inside.
Whatever you do son, don’t forget this one thing: Never get high on your own supply
Anyhow, JUST AS I PREDICTED, Liam McSkorkle’s gonna get the ladies out of jail, and in exchange he has to give up on art, get an MBA, and get a management position in Skorkle. “If you back out,” Dad warns, “you’re cut off for good.” He’s on a one-way ride to Helena Peabodyville, y’all, shit is gonna be bleak.
Cut to the courthouse, where a gleeful Ashcroft Family are emerging unscathed from their brief experience behind bars, which Molly attributes to the power of positive thinking. You know what else probably helps though is that they’re white.
Lucas: The guards said someone we know called in a favor to the attorney general.
Molly: But he’s a Republican, we don’t know any Republicans!
Ugh I can’t believe Mom and Dad followed me all the way to JAIL, it’s SO uncool
Karma and Amy both totes know Liam sealed the Get Out Of Jail Free Deal. Also, Karma’s not ready to wear her Best Friends necklace again but she’ll totes chill out with it. Amy’s ready to skip the camping trip for Karma, but Karma won’t let her, probs because she wants to go bang Liam anyhow and isn’t up for hate-watching Twilight Total Eclipse of the Heart.
I can’t wait to get home and masturbate to American Horror Story
Back at Hester’s never-ending school day, Theo’s boss is watching him clean out his locker and congratulating him on a job well done when Lauren arrives, MAD AS HELL AND NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE.
Hmmm, maybe next time I’ll have macaroni and cheese with cinnamon apples instead of the creamed spinach. That could be good.
She demands to know Theo’s real name (Anthony), his actual age (20) and whether any of it was “actually real.” It was, obviously, you can see that all over Theo’s face, but he glances at his boss and knows that’s the wrong answer. So he says “no.” Lauren can’t see what’s on his face because her insecurity is blinding.
Lauren: I opened my heart to you, I don’t open my heart to anyone, I trusted you, I told you I was intersex!
I kissed a BOY!!!
Then her hands fly to her mouth — fuck did I say that in front of everybody? — but her heart is raging too hard for it to even matter. Who gives a fuck if I did. Vashti clamors for her to record a comment but all Lauren has to say to Vashti’s iPhone is “fuck off.”
This is gonna look so good in Walden
Before we get back into the story I want to take a time out for the bitch who stole this scene, I love this motherfucker, I want her to give Aghast Facial Expressions in the background of everything I do for the rest of my life.
I wish she’d done tiger claws too though
Snapback to Liam’ Arts and Crafts Hut For Homies. Shane’s got his SkorklePad in his sweaty palms, waiting for the press conference Duke is holding after somebody leaked his Grindr profile to the press. This day is moving very quickly I hope everybody wore sneakers.
Liam: I thought someone was done outing people.
Shane: I was! But hasn’t Theo the narc taught us that you can only hide who you are for so long?
So THAT’S what happened to my Autostraddle boyshorts
…and then Duke uh, comes out! Damn, conflicts are getting resolved lickity split today, eh? Usually mid-season finales leave you with so many cliff-hangers and this one is sort of walking you gently up to the ledge and then making you a picnic.
Duke: They’re true. I’m a proud gay man and I’m in love with Shane Harvey.
I wish everybody announced who they were dating when they came out, that would save so many of us so much time we would’ve otherwise spent googling. I MEAN SKORKLING.
I just wanted to apologize for using ableist language on tumblr last night, and to thank my followers for holding me accountable
Shane, stunned, immediately flees Young Love Artspace probably to go have buttsex with his robust boyfriend and he’s so propelled by this situation that he doesn’t acknowledge Karma, who’s entering the Soulart Sauna as he departs.
Oh HI I was just making a silicone mold of your vagina NBD
Karma wants to know why he got the charges dropped, but Liam insists it wasn’t so she’d get back together with him, ’cause he knows that ship has sailed. SURPRISE IT TOTALLY HASN’T SAILED AT ALL because Karma’s next move is smashing her mouth and tongue and face into Liam’s.
Liam: Does this mean you forgive me?
Karma: No.
But this does mean he can remove some of her clothing and lift her up and carry her over to the couch so they can read each other’s horoscopes.
Seriously I spilled pudding all over the floor, you can’t let your feet touch the ground!
Starsweep to Chez Fawcett, where Lauren’s unimpressed that Lisbeth and Leila are continuing to campaign despite her calling the whole thing off. But, of course, because she attends The Hesterosexual Home For High Freedom and Hippie Love, coming out as intersex, albeit unintentionally, has given her a huge boost in the polls! In fact, Shane’s campaign manager has jumped ship to head up Lauren’s race to the top! THIS IS EXCITING.
It’s true. We started our own Screenprinting factory! Do you like our first design!?!
Wendy: Forget Shane. I got into politics to make history. You’ll be Hester’s first intersex class president!
Vashti: I’m not here as the press. I just want to show my support. You are such an inspiration! Though I would like to do an exclusive.
Lauren’s hesitation quickly fades as her desire to be in power over all things bubbles gently to the surface.
Lauren: Thank you all for your support! I can’t wait to be your president!
The crowd goes wild!
It’s Marc Jacobs.
Starsweep to a tent in the woods, where Reagan’s gone diving on Amy’s clam and unsurprisingly, Amy’s declaring that she loves camping.
Feels so Nikki Stevens right now
“I love camping too,” says Reagan with an intensity so intense that it’s almost funny. They kiss, and part lips, and then Reagan returns to her work down below.
You’re totally right, one of your pupils IS bigger than the other!
Then something funny happens and from here on out we’re not sure what’s going on — if Amy’s hallucinating or fantasizing OR if this is all but a dream. Okay, actually I’m pretty sure that this is all a dream. The confusing part is why any of this is happening at all?
!!
Because when Reagan comes back up for air, she’s not Reagan anymore, she’s Karma. When Amy says “whoa,” it’s Karma who says “I know.”
No way, I think both of your pupils are the same size and just right
They start kissing again, frantic…
?
…but then Amy’s jostled awake lying on her side in the tent. Or is she? Because now, Amy says “I just had the weirdest dream,” and then she rolls over and finds herself face-to-face with Liam Booker. He asks what her dream was about. She asks what he’s doing here.
Hey I think we switched contacts earlier
omg I THOUGHT my pupils felt weird!!!
Liam: We’re celebrating, remember. We duped Karma into letting us off the hook!
Amy: Oh. That’s right. Where were we?
…and then she rolls over and they start making out?
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
…which then immediately cuts to Karma waking up on top of Liam’s bare artsy chest in his Art Man Cave. She looks disturbed… or something. It’s hard to tell.
I feel like my corneas are dripping out of my vagina?
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
Well, that’s the end of this week’s episode. It’s really a miracle I got this done at all, I want you to know that there are ten queers in my house right now and also drugs and alcohol, yet here I am! I AM THANKFUL FOR YOU WEIRDOS.
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I have no queers in my house and also very little alcohol and yet here I am. Opposites really do attract.
(I kid, I kid)
But bajeezus this episode was exciting. All that dream sex and dream hate and super quick fight-solving skills. They’ve really been working on this conflict resolution stuff.
But not how to explain themselves? “I wanted to hurt you”? What? I thought they were both just feeling angry and alone and super drunk. Why is that not the first thing you say? “I was not in a proper state of mine!” Quickly followed by the reminder that Liam and Karma weren’t actually dating and a promise to never, ever do it again. How is that not the logical thing?
Bajeezus.
the serial screen cap made my day. congrats on the pop culture relevance.
1. RIESE – AWESOME RECAP AS ALWAYS!!
2. Riese you were right about Theo being an undercover cop – I mean, I never doubted you but I was like “Riese was right!!”
3. Totally agree that the We Wanted To Hurt You thing does not make sense at all. At All. And Karma forgiving Amy that fast? I mean IDK how long it should be for it to be valid but I agree with Kat’s comment about super quick fight-solving skills but not the explaining part.
4. It broke my heart to see Lauren crying. Srsly. I wanted to give her a hug.
5. I was shocked with Duke’s announcement – I mean I kinda felt he was gonna come out, but to declare his love for Shane, was a surprise, pleaseant or not, I’m not sure, I mean, okay Shane deserves a serious love life but IDK if it’s Shane. Anyhow..
6. Wendy – is she the girl from The Glee Project who starred in her girlfriend’s music video, the girlfriend being the cute one with the pixie cut and kinda look like that kid Bieber?
7. I had to pause the episode when I saw Julie Goldman because I was so happy when I saw THE Julie Goldman, and SHE. IS. HILARIOUS. Wish her scenes were longer (they should cast her as a regular, like maybe she will turn out to be Reagan’s family or something!)
8. I also got confused with that dream sequence. But it’s a good cliff hanger….
Awesome season all in all – loved Lauren’s backstory and Amy getting real lezzy kisses with hot Reagan… Can’t wait for the next seasons!!
Ah Amy and Lauren fanfic. Or as I like to say, Amen fanfic
Really, I’m the only one who gets the I wanted to hurt you thing? Like that’s been obvious to me since it first happened. And yeah technically Karma and Liam weren’t together, but Amy knew how Karma felt about Liam and slept with anyway/deliberately because of that.
They even set it up in season 1 that Amy lashes out at people without thinking when they hurt her. This time Karma wasn’t there to talk her down like she usually is, so, Amy did the one thing (person) she knew would hurt Karma the most.
I too thought that the last sequence was confusing, but from what I gathered on Tumblr (and it has been confirmed by the writers) both the Karmy kiss and the Amy and Liam scene were a Karma’s dream. They could have made it clearer since the important part is, I think, that Karma is dreaming of kissing Amy, while that she’s has trust issues about Liam and Amy was pretty obvious already.
Lauren and Theo broke my heart.
Now Shane is even being rewarded for outing people. Stop it, it’s not okay. He will never learn.
(On an unrelated note does someone here watch Carmilla? I HAVE FEELINGS.)
Totally agree about Shane. I actually liked him in season 1 but he is fast becoming one of my most hated characters because he keeps outing people. The writers seriously need to show the consequences of him doing that because it’s not ok.
And Carmilla, SO MANY FEELINGS. I’m refusing to believe that it’s real and I think the writers and Natasha are trolling too hard for it to be real.
I know, right?! It can’t be real.
I am guessing/hoping that this Duke/Shane situation is not going to end well because of the outing. I think that when Duke discovers (and he will) that Shane was the one who outed him, he’s going to cut things off with him, and then Shane will have only himself to blame. I, too, want Shane to feel some consequences for the way he keeps doing this.
I don’t think the important part of the dream is that Karma was dreaming of kissing Amy – I think what was happening was Karma was dreaming about Amy dreaming about herself kissing Karma while actually kissing Reagan. So it plays into what we’ve already seen from Karma before – it’s not that she’s attracted to Amy, but she does get jealous when Amy experiences feelings for people other than her.
Also I agree about Shane. I legitimately thought that Duke was going to come out but also give a huge middle finger to Shane for outing him, but nope. Shane still wins. I feel like that’s quite what’s to be expected with the gay male character being a mouthpiece for the gay male show runner (based off of similarly unfortunate experiences with Glee.)
I got one question: How come this show won’t go through one finale without Amy and Liam sucking face thus making me toss my dinner? ONE GODDAMN FINALE!
I had given up hope that I would get to read this recap before Thanksgiving, but I should have had faith. Riese, you are awesome and made my day.
I highly doubt everything is as resolved as it seems. I think they’re lulling us into a false sense of security. Unless they really weren’t planning for this show to take off and they’re wrapping things up so that they can start over with a longer term plan/vision.
My guess is, if that’s not the case, is that:
1. Karma’s dream will pretty much undo everything she said. The tentative peace she had with Amy and the even more complicated sex without actually forgiving, will dissolve into a pit of negativity as she grapples with her own insecurity and immaturity. Which has really been the heart of thing the entire time.
2. I think Duke, and more so his father, is smart. He was outed and to take the focus off of his orientation (or the gay sex part), my guess is the game plan was to spin it into a love story, make it a cause. I doubt Duke will be waiting for Shane with open arms. Shane might actually have to work for someone for once and maybe even apologize *gasps*.
3. Theo may come back. It’s clear he likes her. (While I like the actors together, I have to say I can’t really approve of a 20 year old and a high school student, so I hope they just close the book on this one. I know it’s an unpopular opinion, but I wish they had made Reagan a minor too. She could have gone to a different high school. It’s weird.)
I think they went for subtle cliff hangers. Where we never really got to see the end of these moments.
IT’S TOTALLY WEIRD NOT INTO IT NOT INTO IT
Something occurred to me as I was reading this recap. Karma hates Amy and Liam for betraying her. I mean HATE hates. Amy, her best friend for forever, has work, and beg, and plead, to get back into Karma’s life. Not good graces, she still has to work harder for that. All Liam has to do is do a man-favor and (BOOM!) Karma willing to make the beast with two backs for him.
A. I think Liam was right in that Amy is first for Karma, so by that logic it hurts more because Amy is the one she trusts more and loves more. Liam’s a boyfriend and she’s inside she might believe that relationship would end at some point anyway. Where her and Amy she truly believed would be BFFs forever.
B. I don’t think she forgave Liam. I take her word at face value. She had sex with him cause she wanted to and she knew she could. I think him doing her that favor might have made her feel better about wanting to have sex with him, but that’s it.
Also Liam did beg and plead pretty hard. It’s Amy who hasn’t done that yet. She spent most of the previous episode going along with the “Liam made me do it” narrative Karma wanted to hear.
Not that I think Amy or Liam need to beg or plead.
Anyone else really not a fan of Regan?… I mean yay for lezzy times buuuuut…
YES! I thought I was the only one! The actress just feels really stiff and lifeless to me but everyone seems to swoon over her :(
Exxxactly! Thank you haha. I feel like she and Karma will end very soon though.
Riese, I think your advice has been turned into one of this year’s biggest pop hits… you should ask for royalties!
” Shane, stunned, immediately flees Young Love Artspace probably to go have buttsex with his robust boyfriend and he’s so propelled by this situation that he doesn’t acknowledge Karma, who’s entering the Soulart Sauna as he departs.”
The writing in these always kills me I don’t even watch the show this is more than enough :’D
So glad it’s been confirmed that the dreams were all Karma’s, not Amy’s. It would be such bullshit to have Amy wanting Karma when she has Reagan.
Thank god! I was so worried about Reagan and Amy too.
Riese, I share your obsession with background extras. I love watching out for overacting screaming extras in action movie scenes.
Hahaha, me too – I always do this impression of them going “Loooook Grandma, it’s me! It’s me as Horrified Man 3!” and then do a weird old woman voice replying wearily “Yes dear”. Okay…so maybe I need more hobbies :p
That is the best thing I have read all day.
Aaaw – my avcatar is purring :)
Karma is SO not worth going to gaol or getting a criminal record!
Ok I was so wrong and everything makes so much more sense if the whole last bit was karma’s dream
1. i am just really impressed that you posted this with 10+ people in your house
2. can we all please just refer to karma’s dream as a “jealousy sandwich?”
3. my housemate and i definitely spent thanksgiving dinner performing a puppet show with common household objects acting out the plot of faking it for our guests, so. liam was a walnut. shane was a ritz cracker. just thought you should know.
I’m curious how the show is going to deal with the non disclosure agreement that Shane signed. Also I really hope the show continues it’s theme of quickly resolved conflicts with Amy and Reagan. I just want Amy to tell her about the Liam thing and for Reagan to be cool with it.
I kinda hated this episode? The timing of white-girl-punching-a-cop with no repercussions really soured the whole episode for me. Duke saying he was in love with Shane was such bullshit, and Shane once again being vindicated for outing someone was bullshit.
Amy’s speech in jail was good, and I loved seeing Julie, though. Very glad to hear the end sequence cleared up because that was confusing as hell. I thought the first two scenes were Amy’s dream, and then the scenes with Liam were Karma’s dream.
Anyone else catch the nod to GBF when Wendy says everyone wants to be Shane’s best friend?
I was a bit confused by the end, I thought it was Amy dreaming about her and Karma kissing, and then Karma dreaming about Liam and Amy, anyway, I was almost sad because I thought that Amy was thinking about Karma while she was with Reagan because I think Reagan is so cute, and she would make Amy happy! But then there is those feels that I’ve because Karma is just ugh. I just want Amy to be happy, once for all.