Welcome to the fifth recap of the second season of Faking It, a home makeover show from the network that brought you Sucker Free on MTV.
We open in the open-minded oasis of Hester High, where Karma’s confession regarding “faking lesbianism” has gone viral, even earning a mention in Principal Penelope’s morning iSkorklePad announcement:
Penelope: Remember to take the high road and give your best wishes to Karma Ashcroft, because even someone who fakes lesbianism and offends an entire persecuted minority deserves a happy 16th birthday.
Do they though. Do they really.
Now I know TWO secrets. Amy got dissed… and Karma got kissed! -A
Everybody gives Karma the evil eye as she chats up Amy via mobile, who’s having a Sick Day because of strep throat but is somehow dressed with jewelry on and her hair done, which puts her ten steps ahead of me on my Well Days.
Just brown rice? Really? But it’s your birthday, you really should spring for the sweet and sour chicken
Karma’s struggling to keep up with Amy’s adorable chatter regarding future milestone birthdays because Liam Booker exists in her immediate vicinity and gave her a birthday card sealed in her locker like The Secret. But, before they can spend too long having eyeball sex or Karma can open her Birthday Card, Amy shows up! SHE WASN’T SICK AFTER ALL! She’s just planning the most epic birthday scavenger hunt ever featuring all the best moments of their friendship and lovingly entitled “A KARMY RETROSPECTIVE.”
I JUST SWITCHED TO OB TAMPONS!
I bet it’ll involve lots of processed carbohydrates, vomiting, and Twilight. Hopefully it’ll end with Amy faking her death and hiding a bunch of golf clubs in her husband’s sister’s barn.
Amy: What’s up with the longing Liam looks? I thought you two were through.
Karma: Oh, we are! Completely dunzo. Trust me.
Although Karma’s worried about becoming social pariahs again, Amy isn’t, because all she needs in this life of sin is her and her best friend. She hands Karma her first clue, and Karma unconvincingly fakes being excited about it when all she really wants to do is dry hump Liam in the science room.
Here, it’s poison
Cut to the Aggressive Art Room, where Liam’s pounding a hammer against a surface and Shane’s trying to convince him to talk it out. Then Theo shows up to invite the kiddos to his Mixed Martial Arts Class, which unfortunately is not about wedding crafts.
For the LAST TIME I’m not getting a plaster mold of my butt to sell on ebay
Shane: Nice try, Theo, but what Liam needs is to talk it all out over some grilled cheeses at Millie’s Diner.
Theo: What is this, The View?
Liam: I’m sorry but that class is just what the doctor ordered.
Shane: You’re not the doctor, you’re the patient, you can’t prescribe your own medicine.
Theo: Wow, you really think you know what’s best for everybody, don’t you?
Shane: It’s a gift.
Liam wants to punch someone in the face so SEE YA.
While exiting the Art Expression Room, Shane crashes smack into Lauren, who’s been snooping as per ushe due to her hot burning crush on Theo. Shane ships it:
Shane: A high-maintenance time-consuming girlfriend is exactly what Theo needs.
I mean, I’m not like OPPOSED to anal fisting, but it wouldn’t be #1 on my list of favorite sexual activities
Cut to to Karma’s room, which Amy has filled with balls from Chuckie Cheeses or McDonalds Playland or something to recreate where they met as young toddlers full of life and hope and candy necklaces.
NOBODY KNOWS I’M MASTURBATING!!!
Karma’s super into this thematic extravaganza, but not when she learns her next clue is on one of these ten thousand balls. Now she’s gonna have to rub her whole face in a bunch of balls ’til she finds the right one, which is good practice for dating. With Amy turned the other way, Karma tries to snatch Liam’s card out of Amy’s bag but Amy catches her in the act.
What if this was a re-enactment of the scene where Alice touches Dana’s butt and then they have wild foodsex
Karma insists the card’s from Erma the Lunchlady, but it’s pretty clear that Amy knows better. Amy reminds her that cards and presents are post-cake activities so Amy’s hanging on to it until then, because we’re all twelve.
Back at Mixed Martial Arts, Lauren and Shane show up ready to whack off and bust some balls and punch some lights out and expand their muscles and tendons and bones and stuff.
Ok ok whoa why didn’t anyone tell us that people only come here at all because they have a Groupon
Shane says he senses chemistry between Theo and Lauren, but Theo tells Shane to butt out. Speaking of butts:
Shane: I was wrong about one thing, this class isn’t too straight, it’s the gayest thing I’ve ever seen.
Yes, I got these underpants at Target. Next question?
Back in the Mature Friendship Corner, Karma and Amy have just painted ceramic unicorns and snuck into a PG-13 movie, and Karma’s clearly Over It and being pretty rude. Amy keeps trying to keep spirits high and keep the plan in motion, but it’s clear she’s frustrated by Karma’s apparent desire to be anywhere but where she is.
I know you know that I love sticking foreign objects up my butt during sex but this unicorn horn was truly something special.
The next stop on Karma’s Magical Birthday Mystical Tour is a tea leaf reading from good ‘ol Aunt Sage, who’s come all the way to Austin just for Karma’s sweet sixteen! Molly’s thrilled. Karma’s ravenously obsessed with getting her hands on Liam’s birthday card and rolls her eyes when acknowledging Aunt Sage’s Tea Reading is a throwback to her Sweet Thirteen.
Now “Aunt” Sage, tell the class how many fingers you fit inside my vagina last night
Five!
FIVE! Can you believe it? On her first time!
Welp, that’s the last time we ask your mother how she’s doing today
Karma chugs her tea.
Aunt Sage: It appears the universe has a very important message for you about your one true love.
Karma: Well tell the universe I can’t wait to find out what it says!
Aunt Sage: NOT SO FAST! A force is trying to keep the message from you, standing between you and your love.
Molly: Well what could it be, they’re sitting right next to each other!
Aunt Sage: Whatever it is, act now! Before it’s too late!
In a hot panic, Karma rushes to the bathroom, snatching Amy’s jacket to help with the “draft” and cursing the heavens when her Love Note From Liam’s not in there anymore. Amy then strolls around the corner and catches Karma in the act. Amy’s like, I doubt that the card says anything more than “Happy Birthday,” but Karma says they have to retrace their steps until they find the letter because the lunch lady has a poet’s soul.
Just check my teeth for tea leaves okay. JUST CHECK THEM.
Back at the Martial Arts Fun Fair, Liam’s not having fun ’cause they’re just tossing balls around instead of punching people in the face. Shane’s having fun because he’s certain that he recognizes Duke, the super famous MMA instructor, from Grindr. Shane has a photographic memory for abs, like how I have a photographic memory for which Yogurtland has the freshest bananas.
Stand still for a moment while I extract your organs with my fingertips
Theo insists Duke can’t possibly be gay ’cause he’s got a reputation for being a “hound dog” who likes “pussy cats, not the rooster.” Theo and Shane put $50 on the accuracy of Shane’s gaydar. Then Theo and Lauren throw balls at each other. Theo’s impressed by Lauren’s strong pitching arm, commenting that there’s more to Lauren than her “dainty and feminine” presentation. Lauren panics that Theo’s referencing Lauren being intersex and flees the scene.
How DARE you compare me to Quinn Fabray, I’d NEVER text and drive
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I loved the abuse of Amazing Amy references in this recap… Did someone just watch Gone Girl?
And yes, this may all look nice from the outside, but I can feel it being a ticking clock from the inside. That mid-season trailer didn’t help either!!
Haha no, I haven’t seen the movie yet! But I have read the book and I mean, a scavenger hunt run by Amy? THE PARALLELS ABOUND
I know! Kept thinking the same thing while watching the episode!
I avoided the book to keep the first time twist experience as clean as possible… but I read her Dark Places, so I trust this woman.
I would like to say if I put that much effort into my bffs birthday and she treated me like Karma did to Amy I would be pissed. We would no longer be friends after that!
On another note is the DJ from the preview hot waitress chick from Liam’s parents party? I hope so! There definitely needs to be more of her.
YES yes it is
I can’t like this revelation enough.
As someone who owns no TV and wouldn’t watch TV even if someone gave me one, I live through your recaps.
Don’t ask. I’d rather read the adventure while staring at poor quality screencaps than live the full experience on a large HD screen.
Yeah, Karma could have acted way nicer, but Amy’s behaviour was not nice either? If she’d just let Karma read Liam’s card, the whole day would have been a lot more enjoyable for the both of them.
Fingers crossed for some Reagan(?)/Amy action in the next few episodes.
Did you guys see the mid-season trailer? It looks good! (at least better than these last few episodes..)
Also, I vote for sending away Karma and Liam and keep Hot Duke and HOT WAITRESS.
That trailer does look promising. I just hope that the second half actually delivers some women loving/focused action because I’m a bit sick of waiting for this show to deliver queer women action – we’ve had all angst with none of the fun.
“we’ve had all angst with none of the fun.”
word
And a stiff-bodied kiss, guys! It must count for something? When we were 14 it counted!
I second getting rid of Karma and Liam and keeping HOT Duke and HOT waitress chick!
TBH it looks like shameless Karmy fans baiting – that ending scene which looks like Karma just ate Amy, which most likely is from two different scenes and if not – it could mean Amy fantasizes about Karma while having sex with Regan (the same pillow as when they kissed), which would insinuate that she can enjoy sex with men on its own, but she can only enjoy doing it with a woman if she’s imagining the person she loves.
Karma was monumentally frustrating. And Amy made me cry with her “if you love something set it free” speech. Gah, this show. I did like that Amy’s mum at least tried to acknowledge her, and also Lauren is increasingly wonderful.
yes i feel like farrah is softening and lauren is really growing on me, maybe because she’s getting more and more vulnerable and rounded out
Dude, the last few episodes of Faking It have been soooo dead. Nothing has happened! Shit, Shane has gotten so much gay action. And, none for Amy. That’s why Lauren is my favorite right now. I love her facial expressions and her HBIC attitude and also her frenemyship with Shane. I was sad for her in this episode. :(
Oh jeez what is Theo’s deal gonna be I hope it’s not super random/actually makes sense/is a logical reason for someone to run away from a makeout. There are so few reasons to run away from a makeout.
Oh Shane you sweet summerchild you didn’t know that MMA is just kinky, kinky soft core porn with no kissing.
I’m loving Lauren’s ponytail.
But the hell was with this birthday party thing? Where’s Reagan?
Wait, is that actually what happened at the end of the episode??? The video suddenly flickered while I was watching it online with my sis, so we jumped from abs guy leaning in to Shane’s face in the final shot. We just assumed they kissed and then abs guy left. I’m glad I didn’t witness the full scene with my sister.
I didn’t even get to see the Lauren and Theo kiss nor did i get
to see Amy give Karma that necklace, or the MMA guy and Shane
in the Alley. I was watching the regular way on Mtv @ 9:30 CST.
“I think I know why but that’s only ’cause I already read like three pages of the finale script so I’m gonna keep it to myself.”
UM COULD YOU….. NOT TEASE ME LIKE THAT, MAYBE??!?!!
So last night I had the option of Faking it series 1 on British MTV or Wentworth…So I picked Wentworth…because I can read the Faking it recaps here and based on the comments they’re funnier than the actual show…and because Frankie.
RIESE HOW HAVE YOU READ THREE PAGES OF THE FAKING IT FINALE SCRIPT I MUST KNOW!???
Man this show can be so bad and yet I love it so much. And that mid-season trailer. Yoh….
Can we pleaseeeeeeee hurry up and get to the Reamy lovin????
I love Karmy but I’m ready to see Amy get into a real
realationship with a women who really wants to be with her, and
that sexy Reagan is the one. Finally some real girl on girl
kissing scenes, and not that peck on the lip crap that Karmy
engages in.