Welcome to the fourth episode of the second season of Faking It, a claymation program from the network that brought you Snooki & JWoww.
We open on another resplendent Austin afternoon, where my Mom’s ex-boyfriend is advertising auditions for the Drama Club via poster board. Actually it’s not my Mom’s ex-boyfriend, it’s just that my Mom dated a mime once so that’s all I can think about whenever I see mimes.
But he said they’re giving out free dildos!
Anyhow! Karma wants to audition because she loves to perform! JUST KIDDING it’s because she loves attention.
Karma: Since our breakup, we’re invisible again. This is my chance to get back on the map, and this time for my talent, not my fake sexual orientation.
Amy reassures Karma that she’s super-talented and will obviously snag a spot on the state’s best drama club. Then Shane shows up, announces he too will be auditioning, and demands Karma to split so he can gay talk to Amy.
Wait, if Heather Hogan is moving to Autostraddle, will she still be doing Pretty Little Liars recaps?
DUH OF COURSE SHE IS
Amy insists it won’t be weird for Karma and Shane to compete for the Ultimate Prize Drama Club Spot, but Shane’s not concerned with this Glee-full situation:
Shane: I didn’t come here to talk about drama. I came here to talk about DRAMMMAAAA.
Yup, Shane wants to talk about Liam burying the wick with Amy.
Amy: Shane, that was the biggest mistake of my life, I can barely stand thinking about it!
Shane: What? Having sex with a guy?
Level with me: is there a tiny worm on my tongue?
Amy makes a bewildered facial expression, much like my own, except somehow Amy doesn’t look like she’s about to eat a showrunner.
Shane: So you didn’t enjoy it? Or did you? Are you bi now? What does it all mean?
Amy: What it means is that I did the most horrible thing a best friend could do.
Shane: You made a mistake. Don’t forget that it was Karma’s lie that set this whole crazy train in motion.
Just remembered how terrible last week’s episode was
Amy says her drunken decision to take a baloney ride with Liam’s pony is akin to plunging a knife into Karma’s heart, which means clearly Amy’s not suffering PTSD from last week’s American Horror Story and therefore can joke about plunging sharp objects into things. Furthermore, a knife isn’t exactly the phallic object we all hoped she’d plunge into Karma, nor is the heart the ideal receptacle of said object. Alas, Shane says her #1 worry should be Liam, who’s so guilt-ridden/self-centered that he’ll probs tell Karma any minute now.
You did WHAT with my SkyMall catalog?
Unfortunately, Liam’s not in school this fine day…
…thus, Amy tracks Liam down at his resplendent abode, which’s chock-full of extras looking very Berkeley Cocktail Chic. Liam spots Amy and tells her to bust their fancy pop stand, STAT. Amy refuses, insisting that Liam keep his lips sealed about unsealing Amy’s lips.
Could you excuse me for a second I think my Preparation-H suppository just slipped out of my asshole
But before Amy can murder Liam with a knife as I’d hoped, Liam’s sister Robin pops up to ask who let this vagabond onto their property. Amy introduces herself as Liam’s girlfriend! This is neat.
Amy: Liam has this weird hangup on introducing me to his family. Are you guys assassins? Drug lords? Do you feed on blood?
Robin: No, but I would if it could cure my crows feet.
LOLOLO WOMEN AGING LOL.
And then I summon the Earth Goddess by chanting moon chakras while lifting my open palms to the high heavens
Robin tells Liam to “do as he’s told” while she gets Amy into “more appropriate clothing for this occasion.” I hope it’s a Tarts and Vicars occasion!
Sorry bro, this straight girl has picked me for her first lesbian experience and I feel compelled to indulge her. Happens all the time. BRB.
Cut back to Hester High, where the kiddos are preparing for drama club auditions. Theo, who apparently paints sets, is flirting with Lauren, who is warming up in a leotard like this is Flashdance or something.
I want my baby-back baby-back baby-back baby-back ribs
Shane smells a showmance but Lauren denies it.
Okay FINE you win the ‘capable of having the most athletic sex’ contest
Meanwhile, Karma’s freaking out next to our favorite male lesbian, Oliver, who appears to have suffered some kind of unraveling that’s left him looking a little less Ira Glassy. When Karma says she’s surprised to see him here, he says:
Oliver: My therapist thinks I should develop new interests. I really shouldn’t be talking to you, you’re one of my triggers.
Oh dear.
And then I was like, well FINE, I mean, you can use a diva cup if you want to, but you don’t have to insult my maxi-pads in the process
Shane plops down next to Karma just in time for Margot, played by our very own Laverne Cox, to saunter on stage, all asplendor in Olivia Pope White, and deliver a dramatic monologue regarding the applause one craves and demands as a person of the stage! Only one of these fine young chaps and chappers will earn a spot in the prized Drama Club! WHO WILL IT BE? Margot then tells the group that in her six years atop this fine Drama Club, she has honed her ability to spot diamonds and turn humans into stars, for example, she performed this duty for our very own Tami Taylor.
Damn I stuck the q-tip too far into my ear again
Margot: It was I who encouraged Connie Britton to go to Hollywood. I was nine. Diamonds like Connie are only formed under intense pressure, and I am about to apply that pressure to each and every one of you. I will push you to your physical, emotional and spiritual limits!
[in the seats]
Karma: She’s intense!
Shane: Show business is intense.
Lauren: Especially when your only credit is Pretend Lesbian.
OUCH.
OH MY LORD SHE’S DOING “LIFE ON MARS”!
Margot, because she is Avant Garde and Dramatic, demands the children tear up the sheet music they’ve so lovingly prepared for this audition, because they’ll all be singing “Tomorrow” from Annie instead. That’s actually not Avant Garde or Dramatic but whatever.
Lauren: THAT’S WHAT I WAS GONNA SING!
OBVIOUSLY.
If you can’t see the invisible dress I’m holding up right now then you have no future as a mime
Cut back to Liam’s House of Skorkle Pancakes, where his sister is adorning Amy in something that would make even me feel like I’m in drag, and I own and wear dresses semi-regularly.
So this is how you control the world, eh? Microchips in the ears?
Robin explains to Amy that the party is an engagement celebration for her and this senator who is probably awful and against Net Neutrality. Amy recalls the fine protest we enjoyed many moons ago but Robin tells Amy to keep that on the DL because father wouldn’t be impressed by Liam’s socialist shenanigans.
Amy: Wow, I can’t believe Liam Booker is the heir to Skorkle!
Robin: Well, he could be one day but right now he wants no part of us or the family business.
However, sis is holding out hope that one day he’ll realize the error of his ways and gladly inherit the throne. I can’t wait for Liam to find out that being poor is actually not romantic at all but in fact totally sucks, and he should take his family’s money and give it to Autostraddle or give grants to poor artists. IT’S CALLED ROBIN HOODING, LIAM! TAKE NOTES.
I’m not mad that you don’t want to be my first lesbian experience, just disappointed
We return to The Theatre Of Dreams, where Lauren, Shane, Oliver and Karma are battling it out for who can make me want to watch that cute documentary about Annie again first. Did Ryan Murphy write this episode?
Diva-Off
Turns out that Shane (dressed in Kurt Hummel chic) is kinda meh, Lauren’s pretty decent, Karma should be a folk-rock singer, and Oliver might be okay? Margot loves Karma, telling the room that “Karma’s the one to beat!”
Hey, you, why don’t you show me what you can do with a hula hoop?
Back at the Fancy Crudités Party, Amy’s feasting on shrimps while Liam shakes a martini and puts olives on sticks like DIY anal beads. Liam tells Amy that she doesn’t know jackshit about his life, and she says that she doesn’t really care to, she just feels strongly that he needs to STFU re: Dancing the Mattress Jig.
HEY! Those are MY pigs-in-a-blanket!
Dear Dad shows up and Amy introduces herself by announcing that she’s pregnant and then declaring that it’s “just a little in-law humor to break the ice.” I feel like maybe this line existed just so they could use it for the trailer.
HAHAHAAH DON’T WORRY I’D NEVER NOT ABORT THIS GUY’S BABY
Amy’s just gotten into explaining how they met at a protest when Liam whisks her away and locks her in a closet! NOBODY PUTS AMY BACK IN THE CLOSET.
Seriously? Your PUNISHING ME by locking me in a storage closet jam-packed with boxes of wine? Nice one, bro.
We return to the New World Stages, where our four friends and several extras have advanced to Round Two, which’ll be devoted to the fine art of DANCE DANCE DANCING. The auditioners must pair up, and Lauren and Shane snatch each other, leaving Karma with a relatively stationary Oliver.
Don’t look, a white person is trying to twerk over there
Intense drum beat stock music begins blasting as Margot loses herself in the thrill of the dance, Lauren and Shane pretty much kill it, and Karma literally dances circles around Oliver, who looks like he’d rather be at home watching zombie movies.
Game
Set
Match
Margot is thrilled by Shane and Lauren’s presentation but finds Karma and Oliver “reeking of anger and desperation.” This is a sad, strange moment for us all.
Back at the Afternoon Cocktail Party, Amy’s sitting in the storage closet gnawing on baugette when a sexy cater-waiter, identifying herself as the lady who served the shrimp to Amy’s eager hands earlier that morning, enters and informs her that “this isn’t where we keep the leftovers.”
Oh hey are you by any chance in the market for getting over somebody by getting under somebody else?
Amy: I was locked in here.
Reagan: Kinky! I like it.
Reagan has a gravely sex voice and a perfectly wispy astray bangs-situation. She’s sort of Janis Ianish and also toppy. I’m into it.
WAIT YOU ALSO READ AUTOSTRADDLE???
Girl, I was on the original Intern team
Amy: Just to be clear, I’m not one of these people.
Reagan: Well, your boyfriend is. Play your cards right and you could be.
Amy: He’s not my boyfriend. Um. There are no boyfriends. Around me. Right now.
!!!
Reagan: Me either.
!!!
This is what I can do with two wine bottles, just wait til you see what I can do with two fists
Reagan gives Amy a sexy eye situation as Amy dashes out of the storage closet.
Yes please
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Why did they put her in a closet with a very attractive girl and have her not even respond at all?
Seriously, she had to go talk to Liam?
I just think this show is pretty ridiculous. Faking It does have some social responsibility to not gaybait, and to portray queer characters as actually queer because of its audience in my opinion.
They show her gawking at boys, but no response to that? It seems like they’ve decided to not even portray her as at gay at all.
They’re prolonging Amy’s “I still love karma” phase which seems really forced at this point.
Last episode, she responded the same to the boy and the girl. I don’t like that she’s bi and not a lesbian, but I don’t expect her to flirt with every girl that flirts with her and it seemed to me that she did notice her, but was otherwise distracted.
Totally agree that the Karma thing feels forced, but maybe that’s just wishful thinking because I’m so totally over it but high school Amy isn’t?
She seemed to have really great chemistry with Reagan for the, like, 10 seconds they were on screen together and then I swear I have no idea what Reagan said that made Amy be like, “That’s a great idea–let me go ruin this engagement party now.”
Fingers still crossed this all turns around–and that Reagan returns–but next week looks like more moping about Karma, my favorite.
I think it was when Reagan referred to the party as a “soap opera,” and Amy became inspired to make a scene (ie the comment about winning a daytime emmy)
ohhhhh i had no idea what that was about either!
(I watched that scene like five times bc Reagan was so cute, I didn’t pick up on it the first four either)
Are you serious? Do you really have no sympathy for Liam’s character that all you see is that he spilled a secret. For one I absolutely believe it’s a secret he’s able to tell and shouldn’t have been burdened to keep as the child in the first place. The pressure and the way his family treats him is abhorrent. Money doesn’t make up for emotional hurt. That kind of privilege doesn’t just make it okay.
Sometime the writers on autostraddle come off as a bit man-hating. It’s repellent to see the stereotype perpetuated. He’s no worse character than anyone else on this over the top show.
No I absolutely think it’s a terrible secret for him to have to keep. But it’s not his moms fault, it’s his grandparents fault, so it’s kinda shitty to ruin her engagement party over it. He shouldn’t have to keep it, but there’s a time and a place for dealing with that and a party isn’t that place.
I agree, I’m getting tired of the crapping on Liam attitude. Karma is the most self-centred character in the whole show but she doesn’t get crapped on as much as Liam. Liam is still just a teenager, and to have to keep that big of a secret when everybody in your family treats like crap is horrible. Since Amy ruined the party and Liam got blamed for it anyway, why not just go all the way and let it burn? I know I would. His mother also had the responsibility to tell him the truth but she chose to keep the lie going, she’s an adult, not a teenager anymore… Personally I feel like if the author hates Liam so much, she should just stop talking about him and ignore him, ’cause the hate is becoming uncomfortable to read.
I mean, I also took Amy to task for ruining the party? I’m hyperbolic about how much I like a thing/person as much as I am about how much I dislike a thing/person.
Liam has homophobic attitudes toward lesbians and according to the show he apparently fulfilled his dream, since Amy suddenly craves men sexually now after sleeping with him.
Gee, I wonder why he isn’t popular among lesbian women and their allies…
He doesn’t seem happy about having “fulfilled his dreams”… If he was such a douche bag he would have been celebrating and shouting about it all over the school. To me he comes across as ignorant as a product of his environment.
And that’s exactly the problem – they made him a lesbophobe but they don’t portray it as a big deal. By trying to make the audience like him, without ever calling out his attitudes toward lesbians and make it clear how ignorant and damaging they are (which would be hard now, since Amy after being portrayed and gaybaited as a lesbian suddenly craves men sexually, which happened right after she had sex with Liam – so his attitudes have only been validated), they justify it.
But that’s mainly writers’ and showrunner’s fault.
“Sometime the writers on autostraddle come off as a bit man-hating. It’s repellent to see the stereotype perpetuated. He’s no worse character than anyone else on this over the top show.”
Perceiving lesbians as a “challenge” to “conquer” really isn’t according to you that bad, and disliking such character is a sign of “man-hating”??
It’s pretty obvious that he’s actually in love with Karma and doesn’t just want to “conquer” a lesbian. He even got pushed into the threesome idea, how many times exactly did we hear Liam say that all he wanted was to turn a lesbian? It seems you’ve already made up your mind to hate him so go ahead if it makes you feel better. I’m taking myself out of the equation.
Good day to you.
Gregg, do you think part of Liam’s attraction to Karma is about the fact that he thinks she’s a lesbian?
GS: Definitely. I mean, realistically, with straight guys in school, I think if you ask a bunch of guys, do they think it’s hot? They’ll say yes.
MJW: Well, it’s hot and it boosts your confidence, right?
GS: It’s like a challenge, you know? Everyone wants what they can’t have. So Karma, to me is…
MJW: I conquered the lesbian.
GS: Yeah. Conquered the lesbian. She’s mine.
BTW, I see that one of your favorite TV shows is “Sherlock”, where they made Adler a lesbian only to show how cool main character is because she couldn’t help falling in love and lust with him.
“Sometime the writers on autostraddle come off as a bit man-hating. It’s repellent to see the stereotype perpetuated.”
Tabling the misandry thing for a second, real people aren’t stereotypes. Period. But that’s not what you said, you didn’t say that Riese *was* a stereotype, you said she was *perpetuating* the stereotype — causing the stereotype to persist by confirming it in the minds of people who hold it. Stereotypes aren’t perpetuated by individual members of a group fulfilling expectations someone else has about them based on a stereotype. They are perpetuated by the people who would see those individuals as confirmation that they were correct to have those expectations, who would hold that individual up as a representative example of all members of their group.
It’s incredibly frustrating when people assume things about you that aren’t true. It’s tempting to get mad at the people who seem to be the basis for those assumptions. I’m writing this because I think it’s really important to not do that.
Picking up the misandry thing again — if someone thinks lesbians hate men, they are failing to think of lesbians as complex, complete, and distinct people. Which, obviously, is a shitty thing to do. Except it’s not obvious. “Lesbians hate men” is a belief that is common and mostly formed just by existing in society, so it’s easy to think of it like bad weather: an annoying, unavoidable fact of life. You don’t blame the sky for rain. It’s immediately apparent how lesbians who don’t hate men (and indeed think that hating men is fundamentally terrible) are wronged by the stereotype. But those who do hate men? How can you be hurt by people thinking [a thing that is true about you] is true about you? Well, for example, the varied personal and political reasons people hate men are flattened, reduced, and declared equal. People go from having a point of view to having a trait.
tl;dr Saying that autostraddle writers or anybody else perpetuate (i.e., cause or contribute to the continued existence of) the stereotype (that lesbians hate men) 1. blames people to whom a shitty thing is done and 2. fails to hold accountable the people who actually do the shitty thing.
I really, really like this comment and want to carry it onto my shoulders.
Whoa wait how did I miss that Heather Hogan was coming to Autostraddle?! THAT’S FANTASTIC NEWS. OK, now I will finish reading this recap. Thank you.
She just announced it today on her social media presences!
HEATHER HOGAN IS COMING TO AUTOSTRADDLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!
I kid you not, this feels like Christmas.
This is everything that I have ever dreamed and prayed to the queer lady internet god(desses) for.
Excuse me, I’m continue to flail about my apartment now.
——————–
(It’s such big news, I just went to my bank account. Tonight I’m figuring out how to rearrange my budget and *squeeze* that Autostraddle Plus membership. It’s really time now for me to put my money where my mouth is. Love you all and the work that you do.)
!!! I KNOW THIS IS ALSO EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER DREAMED AND PRAYED TO THE QUEER LADY INTERNET GOD(DESSES) FOR TOO!!!
http://heatherannehogan.tumblr.com/post/100076606638/big-announcement
(and thank you for rearranging your budget. it means a lot to us!)
Oh wow, thank god, because I was actually just afraid that you were just messing with us like “HAHA WE CAN ONLY DREEEEEEEEEEEEAM”.
First Roxanne Gay on The Toast, now Heather Hogan on Autostraddle? WE CAN HAVE NICE THINGS AFTER ALL!!!
She was the only reason I still check AfterEllen as regularly as I do. SO FUCKING EXCITED, Y’ALL. When I was a baby queer who didn’t know where to look or have much to read, I lived at AfterEllen. Then media production intensified and I got more discerning in what I wanted to read/what I expect from my queer media and moved mostly to Autostraddle.
I read that caption but thought it was a joke; so excited to hear it’s not!
I’m SOOOOOOOOO happy that HH is coming to Autostraddle, but I also want to know, does this have anything to do with TotallyHer Media’s acquirement of AfterEllen? Because Karman Kregloe is also stepping down as EiC.
But srsly Reagan was mad cute
RIGHT???!!!
SO CUTE, more Reagan please, Faking It!
I love how you kept writing “where’s Reagan?” because that was my thought process exactly. I am SO ready for Amy to move on from Karma to her, although I’m slightly sad Jasmine from season one totally disappeared.
Also I don’t really hate Liam at all after this episode, even if he makes me roll my eyes constantly.
I had the exact same feelings about Jasmine! I was so excited to see a lady-loving women of color on television. I thought it would have been so great if they had an interracial lesbian couple. I really want Jasmine back on.
This episode was a huge improvement from last week’s mess (mostly because of the cute girl that flirted with Amy.) Side note: How much longer will they drag on this whole unrequited love thing b/w Amy and Karma?
it looks like that’s gonna be the topic for next week’s episode, which is really really unfortunate. i’m ready for her to move on.
WHERE’S REGAN, MOAR REGAN PLZ
Also I don’t know if anyone has watched the scene from next week’s episode that they have online but it looks like Amy’s mother–while she’s still pretty much pulling for Amy to go “jk I’m straight”–has at least started making an effort to be supportive and understanding, in her way, which I appreciate. The “I’m supportive of you being this thing, I just… y’know… wish you weren’t” parent-child struggle is one I know well.
I can never decide if it’s better to watch the episode before or after reading the recap. This week I read 1st but I’m actually pretty excited to see this episode, anything is better than last week.
I am still 100% here for Oliver.
But I mean, his character is kind of like the closest thing we have on to an even-maybe-kind-of-coded-as-trans-feminine-young-person on television.
So yeah. Representation.
I have still only watched two episodes of this and I am just immensely enjoying the recaps. For this reason I have only ever seen screencaps of Oliver, but I know that I have a big old bisexual crush on him.
I really liked season 1 of this show against all of my own expectations, but so far I’m feeling let down by season 2. I dunno. For all we were promised no queerbaiting with Amy they are doing some pretty shitty stuff to her character. This week was a little better because it lacked the last episode’s ridiculous racism (why was that plot even a little bit necessary, seriously) but it also didn’t bring a lot to the table. Womp womp. At least your recaps are always hilarious, Riese!
“For all we were promised no queerbaiting with Amy they are doing some pretty shitty stuff to her character. ”
Never trust showrunners, honey. All they do is lie to try to keep you watching their show. The only thing I’m looking forward to with this show is if this season’s finale will be worst than the first one and how long it will take Carter Covington this time to run to the media to explain away why he wrote what he wrote and how it doesn’t mean that Amy isn’t not queer and we should still keep watching the show anyway.
Soooo true. I don’t know why I still get my hopes up. Maybe I need to make a new rule never to watch shows with gay characters after the first season? That’s the longest any show seems to be able to maintain before devolving into BS.
2014 has been my year of zero fucks in regards to tv “lesbians”. I have been burned far too many times to the point where I just have to get out of the abusive relationship I clearly have with these kinds of shows.
Riese, I absolutely loved this recap, and I think it was one of your best ones ever! “NOBODY PUTS AMY BACK IN THE CLOSET!” “HAHAHA. Don’t worry, I’d never not abort this guy’s baby.” The Gossip Girl reference.
If Amy and Reagan continue to have the sizzling chemistry that they had together in that closet, I’m completely onboard with shipping them together. The attraction between the two feels believable so far, and they haven’t even had a scene together for more than 30 seconds. And they’re both so hot too!
” The attraction between the two feels believable so far, and they haven’t even had a scene together for more than 30 seconds. And they’re both so hot too!”
AGREE
I’ve still never seen a single episode of this but read the recaps religiously.
Also I absolutely LOST it at “But we still don’t know who killed Jenny? What a devastating story”
Need more Laverne in my life always.
HEATHER HOGAN THAT IS FANTASTIC!
I really really need to find a job so I can join A+, you guys are so good to me.
Also, Oliver was reading Nietzsche, I’m starting to think that he is high-school-me… hiding out people-watching, crushing on unavailable maybe-lesbians, reading Thus Spoke Zarathustra (and hating Jenny Schecter even more), crying at drama club… Too real!
“Riese has written 1756 articles for us.”
Sorry, totally off-topic, but that just caught my eye. It is A LOT.
i know, right? and that doesn’t even count for the articles by “the team” that were actually by me or involved weeks upon weeks of my work to get them up
Should I suffer through the show for Laverne? Because I lobe her but I have my limits.
Obligatory: I hate Shane
Clearly meant love not lobe
Though I may lobe her too (Google’s lobe)
I mean, she has a pretty big role in this episode. You could just fast forward through the scenes she’s not in.
Gasp! I’m not the only one that doesn’t love Shane.
No, I can’t stand him either but you can tell he is the showrunner’s pet so I’m not going to hold my breath that he’s going to disappear. Same goes for Liam.
I was super disappointed by Laverne’s role in this. Not only was her performance pretty hammy (which could’ve been fine because humour and stuff), but I’m pretty sure that – by having her character choose Oliver for the club, etc – it means we won’t be seeing her again? This was probably already known by those who had read about how long she’d feature in the show but I was holding out hope that she’d have semi regular guest appearances.
Also Reagan. No more need be said on her. (Except that if she disappears from the show completely, it might be might last straw.)
Most of the characters on this show are all half-well-written, they all eventually fall on awful stereotypes or just never evolve. There is a handful of episodes in which ONE CHARACTER AT A TIME gets a chance to show another side to them or learn and grow. But that’s it, the rest of the season just seems to forget those moments and go back to their stereotypes.
Liam is the worst because his character keeps jumping back from teenage-ladykiller, to I-Wanna-Conquer-A-Lebian, to I-have-no-idea-why-I-fell-for-Karma-but-I-did, to mommy issues, etc… For example, with the big reveal from this episode you would’ve thought he wouldn’t be sleeping around so much or at least über concerned with contraception. But no, it has yet to be seen. So as a character with apparent potential to have deep and emotional development and growth, he fails… just like most of the characters.