Cut to a photo shoot headed up by Lauren and starring the ladies of Blue Oasis In Hester Hoover Dam High.
Smile for OK Cupid!
Lauren kicks Lisbeth out of the photo shoot because she doesn’t like her duckface and Lauren is mean.
Hmm, honestly I would go with “Sutro” over “Earlybird”
Then Shane spots the group across the way and acquires a devious facial expression. Elsewhere on this pristine campus, Amy and Liam almost run into each other but then don’t and it’s super awk.
Don’t move, I’ve got a knife
Then Amy runs into my new girlfriend Oliver, who says he heard a rumor that Amy and Karma broke up and even though Amy doesn’t wanna peg Oliver’s pony, she definitely needs a friend.
Oliver: “I’m here if you need a shoulder to cry on. I’ve got two of those, you know, if one gets too damp.”
Amy: “I do seem to have a lot of lunches free all of a sudden.”
Oliver: “I lunch!”
Oliver and Amy are gonna eat millet together.
So this is awkward but do you remember what happened to that paper crane I gave you because I had actually promised it to my dying Great-Aunt Rosalie and she’ll be just devastated if I can’t return it to her promptly.
Speaking of lunch, Shane has kidnapped/adopted The L Words, aka Lisbeth and Leila, and is giving them special milkshakes and other refined sugars in exchange for dishing some dirt on their fascist dictator Lauren Whooziwhatszit.
OH MY GOSH P. TERRY’S
Unfortunately the ladies offer up tiny morsels of information that would probably make Abby Whelan roll her eyes:
Leila: “She chews her pens.”
Lisbeth: “And she says she has her period like every other week.”
Leila: “She sneezed in my face once and didn’t even apologize.”
Shane presses: he needs a scandal! Then Lisbeth is like oh yeah she totally pops pills also, so.
So how much for a generous handful of oxy?
Elsewhere in this wild world of ours, Karma is tracking down Vashti to set the record “straight” ’cause people are getting the wrong idea about their breakup!
Show me the junior mints.
Karma: “Our breakup wasn’t Liam Booker’s fault.”
Vashti: “Really? My sources say otherwise.”
Vashti holds up a snapshot of Liam and Amy sort of touching each other while trying to get out of one another’s way. This is like when Jenny took a video on her iPhone of Kelly cleaning up Bette’s floor and then said it was Kelly diving into Bette’s muff. BUT IT WASN’T. Bette would never cheat on Tina (again)!
You’re more powerful than you think.
Vashti says that love triangles always topple over, just like houses of cards and Jenga in general.
Vashti: “You’re being really brave. Anything you want to share with our readers?”
Karma: “It’s been really hard dealing with Amy’s sex addiction!!”
Oh jeez. Why bring that up when all anybody really wants to talk about is this:
Model Cara Delevingne raised eyebrows last night when she was seen out at a perfume launch with a young lady who was definitely not Michelle Rodriguez
Snap to the special friends park bench where Amy and Karma are discussing Karma’s latest fuck-up: telling Vashti that Amy is a sex addict. Karma insists that it was well-intentioned because that’s what Katy Perry and Russell Brand said when they broke up. Really any time Katy Perry or Russell Brand are involved in your reason for why you did a thing, you should probably just dive head-first into a cement mixer.
I’m sorry babe but no matter how long you wait, Forrest Gump is never gonna come sit down next to you. He’s not even a real person.
Karma’s livid about the picture of Amy and Liam “groping” each other in the courtyard. This is good news ’cause now I know that I should call that area of the school “the courtyard.” I really wasn’t sure.
Amy: “What? No. That’s not at all what it looked like.”
Karma: “Really? Because it looked like a repeat of that kiss from the threesome that you sure seemed to enjoy.”
Amy: “You are jealous!”
Karma: “It looks like I had a right to be.”
Seriously? You’ve never seen Buffy??
Reality hits Amy, and it hits her hard and fast.
Amy: “This was all about Liam and it always has been.”
Karma: “Well, you know how much I like him.”
Amy: “How could I not? He’s all you ever talk about. You’re like a horny parrot. Liam Booker Liam Booker Liam Booker.”
Karma: “Fine, maybe I overreacted.”
Amy: “No, you’ve made yourself perfectly clear. I know what role you want me to play, and I am sick of playing it. I think we should break up. FOR REAL.”
Alas, the devastating fall from the precious glimmering possibility of Wishful Thinking to the dark, bottomless, worse-than-imagined pits of despair known as The Cold Hard Truth.
Wait are you still gonna pick up tampons for me at the store
Elsewhere in this wide wide world, Lauren’s hanging out with some girls who are talking about Liam when Shane busts up the coffee talk to alert them to his Brand New Scandal, Laurengate.
Just wanted to let you know that the children of Glee Club have been let out of their classroom and are currently wandering the halls singing “Hey Soul Sister” so just prepare yourself for a serious aural assault.
Lauren says she doesn’t have anything to hide and is an open book. But Shane disagrees and is like, Oh Yeah? Well, WHAT ABOUT THE PILLS YOU TAKE ALL THE TIME? This is when Lauren should say “what, my doctor recommended I take extra Vitamin C,” but instead she acts like a total sketchball.
Well now I LEGITIMATELY need a Xanax, so
But before we can close out this storyline, Principal Penelope Deliah Fisher pops up on everybody’s Fake Google Tablets and Fake Google Phones with the day’s announcements.
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
Principal Penelope Deliah Fisher has important news to share, but since this school is totally fucking weird, the first order of business is a special statement from Karma regarding her breakup with Amy.
Karma: “I was the one who invited Liam into a threesome with me and Amy. Why, I don’t know. What can I say, I’m confused.”
Now I will sing an original song entitled “My Headband Belongs To Amy”
Karma: “I don’t know what I want, all I know is that I don’t wanna hurt a guy who’s truly great, and I don’t want to lose Amy, the person in this world who means the most to me. I never meant to hurt her. I never meant to hurt any of you.”
Amy is watching along with the rest of the student body and apparently hears something in Karma’s lament that inspires her to run across campus and into the library to see her lady-love filming her announcement on-air.
OK I’M HERE WITH MY OVERDUE COPY OF “OUR BODIES OURSELVES” PLEASE DON’T FINE ME
The girls embrace on camera and tenderly touch each other’s hair and the entire school goes insane with glee and happiness.
This is how lesbians have sex
YAY LESBIAN STORYLINE!!!!
Hasn’t been this moved since serving as videographer for her nephew’s Bar Mitzvah
Well not EVERYONE goes insane with glee and happiness — Oliver looks sad and Liam hits things with a hammer.
Welp, looks like I’ll be eating millet with Sam, Neal and Bill again
Seriously everybody at this school is off their rocker.
I’m so sorry I will never get you a soy milk latte instead of a skim milk latte again
It’s just that soy milk doesn’t taste at all like real milk and —
I know. I know.
Amy looks maybe as happy as she has looked all season, even though Karma is once again wearing a really weird shirt that I don’t understand, maybe because I am a dinosaur who only wears things sold in my own merch store.
Back on the splendorous lawn of Blue Oasis High School, Amy and Karma are sitting atop a blanket as the entirely batshit student body cheers for them to kiss. Amy’s clearly glowing and happy and eager to feel Karma’s lips on her lips, but when she goes for it, Karma barely pecks her in return, and then sharply pulls away.
Brah, I haven’t smoked a joint that good since 2003
Amy doesn’t seem to register the withheld affection, though, diving right back into chipper chatter:
Amy: “So, what do celebrities do when they’ve gotten back together? Vacation in Cabo, record a duet? Oh I know! Matching tattoos!”
Karma: “Look, I meant it when I said that this was all my fault, I never should’ve dragged you into this disaster and I’ve been the worst friend possible. Which is why I think we should still break up. We’ll tell everyone in a few weeks when this all dies down. I know that means you’ll have to keep pretending a little longer, but I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
Ouch. And then Karma kisses Amy on the cheek, leaving her alone and empty on a blanket on the grass.
You just have a tiny smidgen of eyeliner on your cheek I’m gonna lick off you right quick
Obviously Karma’s running to Liam’s House of Payne, where he’s hiding in a lightbox painting things on the floor or maybe building a house or a baby mobile or a time machine, it’s hard to say exactly.
Uhhhh hey is this the Giant White Box warehouse? I talked to some guy named “Dave” on the phone about an hour ago? About picking up a new large white box?
Karma tells Liam that she wants to fix this thing and be friends. Liam says that he has enough friends, but Karma says she felt like they connected genuinely and bla bla.
This is how lesbians have sex
Liam’s not having it, though:
Liam: “The whole school sees me as a selfish manipulative asshole!”
Karma: “Not anymore, I made sure of it, nobody thinks that you’re the reason we broke up.”
Don’t you dare come near me with that bottle of Febreeze
Liam reveals his true desires:
Liam: “But that’s the point. I wanted to be.”
Karma: “What?”
Liam: “Look, I know that coming between you and Amy is wrong, but I can’t help it. I’ve never felt this way before.”
Karma: “What are you saying?”
Liam: “I think I’m falling for you.”
Karma: “Then let me catch you.”
Barf.
real artsy, liam, you’re real fancy and artsy you know that.
Karma tells Liam that she and Amy are dunezo for real and are just best best friends. Then they take off their clothes and probs are about to have sex or something, I don’t know, how did he make his white box turn into a filmscape is what I wanna know.
blah blah blah
Next week is the Faking It finale! I’ve already seen it but I won’t tell you about it! Well, I can tell you that Farrah and Bruce’s wedding will happen and also other things will happen with people and characters and gosh I just really hope this show gets renewed so that it doesn’t actually end next week.
Next Week On Faking It, everybody tries pottery!
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Bahaha “You’re sitting on a bee hive” “I thought it was an anal tickler!”
I spat my drink out over this! Haha great review and awesome captions! I seriously can’t wait for next weeks episode.
Amy and Oliver are officially the only two people left on this show that I care about.
Also I feel like this show is trying so hard to make me like Liam and I have absolutely zero interest in liking Liam.
yeah it is totally trying to get us to stop hating liam, as if hating liam is something i could just CHOOSE to do or CHOOSE not to do. NOPE. hating liam is in my blood, there’s nothing anybody can do to change that.
#bornthisway
my ship for them officially sank but since this is fiction and all Ill be up for resurrection and more fun-loving whiplash next week
btw the illustrations were on point and hilarious. much needed considering the hella seriousness taking place over at ‘born this gay’, as interesting and important as it is.
omg this show cannot end! I need this ridiculous weirdness in my life. Also Amy’s looks are the best/saddest/”oh honey” worthy looks ever. I need her to have a (happy) lesbian relationship!
I screamed a little bit when I saw that you mentioned Tulane in the recap because I went to Tulane, and that was the perfect way to describe it. Well done.
Also, Liam can go die in a fire. Or one of his art installations.
aw!! my younger brother went to Tulane!
Liam’s clearly a big fan of Kanye’s Bound 2 video…
Yeah I was really sad that I’d already used a Bound 2 graphic two episodes ago to show Kanye & Kim on the motorcycle with the giant cake donut nonsense situation so that I couldn’t somehow incorporate it again this week because I think maybe that box is the actual set from that video
I was hoping other people had that thought too.
Clearly, he watched it and was like: IT NEEDS SAND! ANGSTILY SPONGED SAND! AND A LARGE RED BUTTON, BUT NOT TOO OBVIOUS.
I actually exclaimed this exact thing when it happened on my screen.
a) Karma is the worst friend
b) Amy deserves the bestest queer girl ever (ie not Karma)
c) The cheesy, sappy, poorly founded hetero shit at the end made me roll my eyes and say “good grief” numerous times out loud to my cat.
Gotta say, really not loving where the show has headed.
I love the Buffy caption because Rita Volk is actually a Buffy superfan, and in multiple interviews she has said that the fandom following the show is the most relatable aspect of her experience while working on Faking It, likening the Karmy Army to her in her adolescence watching Buffy (did you do that on purpose?)
I think the Lauren pill-popping thing could either be diet pills or some hidden life-threatening illness that she hasn’t told anyone about (not sure why she would openly take her medication if this is the case, however)
Amy stays breaking my heart
I hate Liam
You are amazing and I loved all the captioned photos of Amy with potentially closeted (and out) celebs. Wouldn’t that be great? Also all of the captions. Fingers crossed this show continues and Amy gets an amazing girlfriend and we all skip off into the sunset while Karma and Liam float off into space never to be heard from again. (However I could deal with Karma deciding she def is gay though I don’t see that actually happening ever).
I love Vashti! Yay for normalizing hijabis!
I don’t have strong feelings one way or the other about Liam, but I have an extremely strong dislike of Oliver.
why?? Liam is way worse than Oliver.
The captions are AMAZING, as always, also I really really hope it’s renewed cause of all the feelings.
hi kaly i <3 u
YOU GUYS
I just wanted to say hi and also that this recap was perfect as usual
hi intern chloe i <3 u too
I think this is the best recap I have ever read. Your captions are wayyy better than the show itself, and most weeks I’m excited to watch the show just so I can read the recap haha
you’re too kind, andrea!
Um, correction. Amy is going to RICE, not Sarah Lawrence. Let’s keep this in Texas, y’all – Harvard of the South!
Karma is def going to UT Austin.
omg, i almost said Rice! i also considered savannah college of art & design. but something about sarah lawrence just seemed funnier, maybe b/c i went there for one illustrious semester
Sarah Lawrence was probably the better joke but Rice is probably more in the ballpark of reality…
Still, love the Austin references. P. Terry’s is the best! Shane definitely hangs out on fourth street like all the time. He is a Rain/OCH boy through and through.
All I have to say is that most definitely this was the best recap of Faking It yet. I don’t usually do this but <333
And for the record, since we’re discussing Amy’s higher education of choice– why not add Mill’s College to the list
discúlpeme. Mills not Mill’s
OK, here are my concerns in regard to characterization of Amy in this episode, especially that kiss. I already shared them on AE if any of you check that site as well.
I don’t think that Amy’s description of the kiss with Liam makes it look like she’s really gay. Her poetic metaphor tells that she enjoyed kiss with Liam, but kiss with Karma completely overshadowed it (but hey, she’s in love with Karma and not Liam, right?).
Now, let’s bring some context. By the way those kisses were shot it really looked like she was more enthusiastic during kiss with Liam than with Karma (but that’s probably due to censorship, I believe there was some talk that they had to tone down their same-sex kisses).
And, most of all, she already kissed a guy – Oliver. It made her feel absolutely nothing. Now, she kissed Liam and for unknown reason it was completely different, which leads to very unfortunate implications – the guy who wants to “conquer” lesbians is the first guy that made Amy feel anything during a kiss.
Of course all of this matters only if we assume that Amy is lesbian (if she’s not gay, then it’s different problem – of a show that uses subject of lesbianism but doesn’t bother to provide any actual lesbian representation, and of clear lesbian-baiting we’ve been subjected to through the first half of the season, as there were many hints Amy is gay, not bi).
And if she is gay, then it would look very similar to the usual portrayal of lesbians – that we’re not attracted to women only, not ‘really’ gay like gay men are, our sexuality is fluid and under right circumstances we could enjoy men.
And the fact she doesn’t yet identify as lesbian changes nothing – coming out doesn’t negate feelings we had prior to it.
Don’t get me wrong – disputing whether a “real” lesbian could enjoy kissing a man or not is not my concern. My concern is that lesbians, according to TV, are only this way. Since December at least 6 shows portrayed “lesbian sleeping with a man” trope, I could list dozens of other movies and shows that did it. And when there’s no sex, then it’s hinted otherwise that the lesbian character is not so completely uninterested in men.
Apart of that talk about kiss with Liam, I found it very problematic that even after the news that those “lesbians” had threesome with a man have been spread, no one questioned their supposed lesbianism. Instead, the threesome of 2 girls with 1 guy was even called “lesbian threesome”. And it doesn’t matter that they are not really gay (or as in case of Amy, don’t identify as that). What matters is the fact that such ideas about lesbianism are presented as something completely normal, it’s left unquestioned.
I have to disagree with you. I was once asked how kissing women was different than men and my reply was pretty close to what she said. I love that conversation.
You are going to HATE the finale.
I kind of feel like nothing is really happening in the show…like it seems to have gone around in a circle a couple times now. I’m ready for something exciting to happen!
And by exciting I mean gay.
I seriously read these recaps for the photo captions (nice including more of those this week, you’re hilarious)
also, I want Shane’s purple shirt. One of my fave things about queer fashion: we can share regardless of gender :D
YES THIS. I pretty much want Shane’s entire wardrobe.
also my favorite caption: liam lying on top of karma, and you write “blah blah blah” hahaha love it
I really hope the show makes up for this lame hetero sex scene, during the finale. They owe the lesbian/bi community some serious stuff. They should have Amy hook up with that hot-ass chick from like, episode 3. Handcuffs, high heels and a good spanking. Something real freaky.
“OH GOD, YES! MAKE ME YOUR SLAVE! TIE ME UP! WHIP ME! OH YEAH THE HOT WAX!… Hey girl, just asking, are you into erotic asphyxiation too, by any chance?”
Am I the only person who still likes Karma? Like, I’m not thrilled with her current arc ’cause blegh Liam’s gross, but she’s a teenage girl and she owns that.
I don’t hate Karma, and I’m glad Karma seems like she is going towards a happy ending with Liam. Karma just happens to be, or so it seems this far, fully hetero. I really identify with Amy (being a “fem” with a nasty tendency to fall for straight friends D:), and I feel like Amy really needs to find her happy ending, but not with Karma, at least in my mind.
Amy really needs to get the closure I can never have! D:
I guess it’s because I’m rooting for bisexual Karma. It seems like a good way to resolve Amy’s unrequited crush without completely undermining her storyline with Liam.
NOTES FROM A RIDICULOUSLY DRUNK HOMO:
Dear Amy,
Girl let me take you to the Melting Pot for some fondue and then let’s hijack a boat in honor of Rory Gilmore except minus the Huntzberger and including extra hot sex and multiple cakes.
Dear Karma,
Get your shit together, man. Don’t be a dick. But also you’re in high school and everyone is a dick in high school so I love you anyway and IT GETS BETTER.
Dear Liam,
No.
Actually that is unfair to Liam. It will get better for you too. You are also allowed to be a dick because you are like sixteen damn years old and that is highly unfortunate.
But kale suit or not, if you and Karma break Amy’s little gryffinpuff heart into a thousand pieces I will destroy both of you.
Prioritizing to read riese’s recaps help me fast forward the parts i don’t like. Riese is a blessing from the Sapphic Goddess.
SPOILER!!!!!!!!!
Last episode has leaked, people talk about it all over twitter and different places.
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Guess who sleeps with who in the very last scene. Of course, supposed lesbians and douche who wants to conquer lesbians.
SPOILER
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Sorry, meant “lesbian”, not ‘lesbians”. Amy gets drunk and sleeps with Liam.
I have super-detailed head canon for this show that I have never watched (BUT WILL READ EVERY SINGLE RECAP FOR UNTIL THE BITTER END): Lauren is trans, those are her anti-androgens and hormones that she’s taking. Amy’s mom/Lauren’s dad are actually way more with-it than they act; Lauren’s father has been supporting her medical needs since childhood, and Amy’s mother, while probably not being fully understanding, is aware and makes a conscious effort to act as a mother to her. After Shane outs Lauren, everybody feels like a jerk and agrees to take back the Blue Oasis High School Coolest Queer Teen Award and give it to Lauren instead. Also Lauren is not entirely straight, because Blue Oasis High School. Karma realizes she’s an embarrassment to everything and fades into the background, taking Liam with her. Amy gets over it and sleeps with that girl with the moped. She sleeps with a lot of girls. Post Laurengate, Oliver does some soul-searching as to why he’s always felt like such a lesbian, and later comes out as trans as well, going by Olivia. Once Amy has pulled her brain out of Karma’s butt, she notices that Olivia has shiny hair and asks her to coffee. Shane realizes that he’s poly and that he needs to own that. After gently turning down a drunken, sobbing Liam (and seeing just how much damage treating people as toys can cause), he goes running after Pablo. They settle into a an adorably domestic life with a sizzling open relationship. They spend a lot of time with Lauren’s Sockless Boyfriend. HIRE ME, MTV
Take my money, and take over MTV.
Please approve my comment….
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Thanks Dr Robinson.
My relationship has been restored,
My Ex-boyfriend is back after he broke up with me.
I am the happiest lady on earth,
Never too late to fix your broken heart.
You can still get your lover back…
Fix broken relationship/marriage…
R.buckler 11(((gmail…… com)))