Hello and welcome to the seventh recap of the first season of Faking It, a tragicomedy from the network that brought you Pimp My Ride and Yo Mama.
We open in Karma’s bedroom of love and secrets, where Karma’s eagerly chatting about her plan to never wash her hair, just like Alex Vega, because of essential oils. Meanwhile Amy wonders why nobody besides tumblr and lesbian website commenters wants to talk about that threesome thing.
Karma: “You know how people in movies wind up in strange towns and forget their names and how they got there? That’s me. Total amnesia about the whole thing!”
I will that this mirror be filled with peaceful, loving energy. With my own power and with the power of the moon and the Sapphic Goddess, I fill this mirror with peace, love, and happiness
Amy, tentative and clearly hopeful, asks if it was their hot lesbian kiss that made Karma flee the scene, but Karma denies such desires:
Karma: “No, no, I just realized that things had gotten completely out of control. I made you dress up like Dita Von Teese and kiss a boy you didn’t even like.”
You bought me a gun rack??
Anyhow, Karma says that she feels like this situation has turned her into Amy’s pimp, which’s supes awkward! Firstly, worst pimp ever because nobody got paid, secondly, I’d prefer “madam” in this context.
What do you mean Liam and Shane are going steady? Who’s gonna take ME to the prom?!
Regardless, Karma, who clearly doesn’t understand The Things Lesbians Do For The Love Of Our Straight Best Friends, says she doesn’t feel comfortable “whoring out” her best friend and therefore it’s clearly time to fake-break-up. Luckily, she has a binder for that!
Guess who found a 1993 copy of MacPaint in the cellar and turned Clip Art into Clip ARTISTRY??
Karma’s extensively studied US Weekly and concluded their best course of action is to start spending time apart and then put out a press release declaring that they’ll be besties forever despite not being girlfies anymore. That sounds neat but complicated, I think instead Amy should just go to a Knicks game with Rihanna.
Rihanna relaxes with mystery woman courtside, rumored lesbian lover
Cut to the Melody Cafeteria at Blue Oasis High School where Shane and Amy are feeling really hopeful about Karmy ’cause of that hot pre-threesome kiss. The Gay Scouts consider the possibility that Karma’s present freakout is a result of her burning sapphic desire for eternal scissordom with Amy, a desire which many of us here at home are totally on board with.
Move the fuck out of the way that bitch just stole my fluffernutter sandwich and she’s about to get acquainted with my fist
Shane: “She felt something when you kissed and now she’s pushing you away!”
Amy: “You think? I mean it was really hot. I’m surprised that cheap motel didn’t burst into flames.”
Shane: “Ugh, I love lesbian porn, it’s so elegant. Continue! What happened next?”
Amy: “Once we came up for hair we looked into each other’s eyes and we saw each other. I mean, we really saw each other. Maybe for the first time.”
Shane: “So after the hot kiss and all the seeing, then what?”
Amy: “And then Liam kissed me and Karma ran out and now she doesn’t wanna talk about it.”
Shane now wants to know alllll about her kiss with Liam, as if he doesn’t already know all about kissing from his obvious secret gay relationship with Liam.
Everybody knows those sunflowers are just for show, Shane, you’re not REALLY supposed to EAT them
Amy shares her botanical feelings:
Amy: “It was like… you know when you’re outside on a sunny spring day and you see a butterfly and you go AHHH and then the world stops for a second and then it’s gone? It was like that.”
Shane: “Wow.”
Amy: “Wow? No. Not wow.”
Shane: “Not wow?”
Amy: “Wow was kissing Karma. If Liam was spotting a butterfly, Karma was spotting a soaring eagle and oh my god I was with her and it was magical and I wished it could last forever.”
Oh boi y’all, Amy is rrrrreeeealllll gay. Anyhow, Shane’s a bit concerned that Karma’s post-kiss exit could mean she was jealous of Amy kissing her #1 Boy Crush Liam Booker rather than that she’s afraid of her feelings for Amy.
The lunch lady has saved the last slice of pie for Karma and Amy and thus is shocked to see Amy in line sans Karma.
I’ve got five marijuana cookies in this bin right here for the first lesbian to complement me on my Pride Headband
Amy explains that Karma’s taking time off to focus on her studies and then the lunch lady is like OMG THEY’RE BREAKING UP.
Later that very same day, Amy’s walking across campus when she notices that everybody’s looking at her with pity and despair. Since she’s not wearing any Ed Hardy or anything it’s tough to determine the source of these disparaging glances.
Last time I come to school with no pants on. Fucking prudes.
Meanwhile, Karma’s being pressed for an interview by her classmate Vashti for the school’s official gothip tumblr. Vashti’s readers are desperate for “the scoop” and probs also some animated gifs.
You’re sitting on a bee hive
I thought it was an anal tickler!
All Karma can come up with is:
Karma: “Please respect our privacy at this difficult time.”
Hey Vashti, I’ve got a tip for your tumblr:
LiLo was seen exiting a Hot Hollywood Nightclub last night with a mystery woman in tow
Karma tracks down Liam at the House of Steel and Sanding and Testosterone, where he’s rubbing one out on every local metal surface possible and is super-pissed to hear about the breakup ’cause he thinks it’s “pretty uncool to invite a guy into something like that and then get upset when he participates.”
Just remain perfectly still and step away from the installation art
Karma explains that it’s totally not his fault at all so all this aggression against innocent pieces of steel is totally unnecessary:
Karma: “Liam, look, when I saw you two you know — I realized that this is insane, everything got totally out of control and I forced you to make out with a girl you don’t even like.”
Liam: “Are you serious? I am so over all of this drama. I told you up front I didn’t want to break up Hester’s favorite couple.”
Karma: “You didn’t.”
Liam: “Then what did?”
Um, I have a theory?
Ellen Page spotted around town sporting Tomboy hat with teenage lesbian
Cut to Amy and Karma hanging out in the gym chatting about the business of being born. See, Karma thinks their best break-up idea is to pull a “Brad and Jen,” and unfortunately that doesn’t mean that Amy gets to run around the world doing humanitarian work with and oral sex on Angelina Jolie. It means Karma wants them to act like Karma wants kids and Amy doesn’t and so they’re breaking up.
Come on Karma you can’t really think that Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey is better than Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.
Amy: “You’re demented. We’re teenagers, we don’t care about having kids until we accidentally get pregnant.”
Also, Amy points out, Brad and Jen are def not BFFs, so this is not applicable to this situation for a variety of reasons, and therefore Amy suggests they slow the breakup roll. Karma protests, insisting their best course of action is to “control the message.”
Don’t look now but I’m 95% sure that the ghost from Ghost Dad is right behind you
Luckily, she’s got another idea: They broke up ’cause Karma wants to go to a big state school and Amy would prefer a “tiny artsy-fartsy college.” This is for real true because LADIES obviously Amy’s gonna go to Sarah Lawrence and Karma’s gonna go to UT-Austin. Regardless, they better figure out their lie right quick before their hard-hitting interview with Vashti Dot Tumblr Dot Com this very evening.
I never knew oral sex in a creepy gymnasium could feel this good
Amy wants to know why Karma is being a total weirdo, and Karma says it’s ’cause she’s the planner and Amy is the executor. Then Amy makes a face like she wants to execute Karma, which I am unsurprisingly also on board with.
Elsewhere this fine day, Lauren & The L Words are enjoying a nice lunch in the open air quad but Lauren thinks Lisbeth is eating string cheese wrong because Lisbeth is eating string cheese wrong.
Mmmmmm I love you Mister Stringster
Then they all practice string cheese eating which should be a really erotic situation for me because Girls + String Cheese, but instead is just sort of sad and confusing.
And then, to prevent canoeing, you lightly lick the entire joint
The L Words are super upset about Karma and Amy breaking up. Lauren suggests that maybe they should be upset about GMOs instead. The L Words wonder if it was a communication problem or maybe if they were fighting about money but then Lauren’s Sockless Boyfriend shows up and suggests that maybe it was that threesome that did ’em in.
Hey babe save some of that Gin and Diet Coke for me
Tommy barks like a dog cross-campus at Liam, going BOOKER HOW WAS IT??!! and Liam is like holy shit leave me alone.
Tommy: “That bro is so fucking lucky. He’s hooked up with all the hot girls at school, PLUS gets a lesbian threesome.”
Lauren: “NOT ALL THE HOT GIRLS.”
HEY BRA SAW YOU ON GRINDR EARLIER NICE ABS
What about my dick pic though?
It was fine.
Cut to The Big Interview with Vashti. Vashti is very no-nonsense and makes it clear that her readers Expect The Truth and can Smell Bullshit. Karma insists that the break-up is strictly a University Population Size Issue, but Karma doesn’t get too far ahead with that lie before Amy blocks her, suddenly declaring that she is, in fact, eager to attend a gigantic state school. Maybe they can compromise and just go to Tulane or something.
So basically you just put your hands together like an arrow and plow on in?
Just google it.
Karma’s upset by Amy going off-script:
Karma: “Last week you said you’d rather be eaten by termites than attend a state school!”
Amy: “Sometimes we push things away that we really want.”
GET IT??
Vashti: “Then there’s hope for you two. You’re clearly not on the same page, I can’t help wondering if you’re covering up the real reason for the split.”
Karma: “What what do you mean?”
Vashti: “I understand there was a threesome with Liam Booker?”
Oh damn, I thought she was gonna talk about this:
Taylor Swift attended an awards show last night with a gal pal she seemed to know on a very intimate level
Cut to another lush outdoor area of Blue Oasis High, where Liam is freaking out about the gossip and Shane’s trying to calm him. Then they notice Lauren, standing atop a car with a bullhorn, leading an anti-Liam Rally with the support of 4-5 extras and that performance political poetry girl from Episode 103.
DAMN THE MAN, SAVE THE EMPIRE!!!
The girls thrust their lipstick into the air triumphantly while screaming. Then Lauren tells Shane that shit is about to change around here SO THERE.
Shane: “You’ve got this all twisted. Liam didn’t do anything wrong.”
Lauren: “I couldn’t care less about Liam Booker. But these hotties sure do, and now I’m their ringleader. Things around here are about to change.”
Probs I should tell her that she tucked her dress into her thong but I kinda don’t feel like it
Snap to Shane and Liam scrubbing “HOMEWRECKER” off Liam’s car while Liam talks about how he probably actually is The Worst.
No man, trust me, scrubbing the back of this car will totally get rid of the words on the front of this car, I saw it on David Copperfield
Shane: “It’s not your fault they broke up.”
Liam: “Trust me, I’m a Booker, remember? We’re genetically designed to ruin people’s lives.”
Shane: “Not this again. Look, you’re not the asshole here and you don’t deserve to be treated like one. I’m gonna be your Olivia Pope. I’ll create another scandal to distract people from you while wearing killer outfits.”
Notice how replacing Olivia Pope with a white dude makes this show about 600 times less awesome
Shane’s super excited about being Olivia Pope because obviously who doesn’t secretly want to be Olivia Pope all the time but Liam makes him promise not to be Olivia Pope, but obviously, as Olivia Pope, Shane knows that you have to HANDLE IT regardless of what the handle-ees want or feel or think. Only Olivia Pope knows what is good for you and Olivia Pope is going to do what needs to be done to get the job done even if somebody dies or blows up. GOT IT? GO BE A GLADIATOR.
Do you want to survive this, Governor? Do you want your career to survive?
Of course I do.
Then let me do my job.
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Bahaha “You’re sitting on a bee hive” “I thought it was an anal tickler!”
I spat my drink out over this! Haha great review and awesome captions! I seriously can’t wait for next weeks episode.
Amy and Oliver are officially the only two people left on this show that I care about.
Also I feel like this show is trying so hard to make me like Liam and I have absolutely zero interest in liking Liam.
yeah it is totally trying to get us to stop hating liam, as if hating liam is something i could just CHOOSE to do or CHOOSE not to do. NOPE. hating liam is in my blood, there’s nothing anybody can do to change that.
#bornthisway
my ship for them officially sank but since this is fiction and all Ill be up for resurrection and more fun-loving whiplash next week
btw the illustrations were on point and hilarious. much needed considering the hella seriousness taking place over at ‘born this gay’, as interesting and important as it is.
omg this show cannot end! I need this ridiculous weirdness in my life. Also Amy’s looks are the best/saddest/”oh honey” worthy looks ever. I need her to have a (happy) lesbian relationship!
I screamed a little bit when I saw that you mentioned Tulane in the recap because I went to Tulane, and that was the perfect way to describe it. Well done.
Also, Liam can go die in a fire. Or one of his art installations.
aw!! my younger brother went to Tulane!
Liam’s clearly a big fan of Kanye’s Bound 2 video…
Yeah I was really sad that I’d already used a Bound 2 graphic two episodes ago to show Kanye & Kim on the motorcycle with the giant cake donut nonsense situation so that I couldn’t somehow incorporate it again this week because I think maybe that box is the actual set from that video
I was hoping other people had that thought too.
Clearly, he watched it and was like: IT NEEDS SAND! ANGSTILY SPONGED SAND! AND A LARGE RED BUTTON, BUT NOT TOO OBVIOUS.
I actually exclaimed this exact thing when it happened on my screen.
a) Karma is the worst friend
b) Amy deserves the bestest queer girl ever (ie not Karma)
c) The cheesy, sappy, poorly founded hetero shit at the end made me roll my eyes and say “good grief” numerous times out loud to my cat.
Gotta say, really not loving where the show has headed.
I love the Buffy caption because Rita Volk is actually a Buffy superfan, and in multiple interviews she has said that the fandom following the show is the most relatable aspect of her experience while working on Faking It, likening the Karmy Army to her in her adolescence watching Buffy (did you do that on purpose?)
I think the Lauren pill-popping thing could either be diet pills or some hidden life-threatening illness that she hasn’t told anyone about (not sure why she would openly take her medication if this is the case, however)
Amy stays breaking my heart
I hate Liam
You are amazing and I loved all the captioned photos of Amy with potentially closeted (and out) celebs. Wouldn’t that be great? Also all of the captions. Fingers crossed this show continues and Amy gets an amazing girlfriend and we all skip off into the sunset while Karma and Liam float off into space never to be heard from again. (However I could deal with Karma deciding she def is gay though I don’t see that actually happening ever).
I love Vashti! Yay for normalizing hijabis!
I don’t have strong feelings one way or the other about Liam, but I have an extremely strong dislike of Oliver.
why?? Liam is way worse than Oliver.
The captions are AMAZING, as always, also I really really hope it’s renewed cause of all the feelings.
hi kaly i <3 u
YOU GUYS
I just wanted to say hi and also that this recap was perfect as usual
hi intern chloe i <3 u too
I think this is the best recap I have ever read. Your captions are wayyy better than the show itself, and most weeks I’m excited to watch the show just so I can read the recap haha
you’re too kind, andrea!
Um, correction. Amy is going to RICE, not Sarah Lawrence. Let’s keep this in Texas, y’all – Harvard of the South!
Karma is def going to UT Austin.
omg, i almost said Rice! i also considered savannah college of art & design. but something about sarah lawrence just seemed funnier, maybe b/c i went there for one illustrious semester
Sarah Lawrence was probably the better joke but Rice is probably more in the ballpark of reality…
Still, love the Austin references. P. Terry’s is the best! Shane definitely hangs out on fourth street like all the time. He is a Rain/OCH boy through and through.
All I have to say is that most definitely this was the best recap of Faking It yet. I don’t usually do this but <333
And for the record, since we’re discussing Amy’s higher education of choice– why not add Mill’s College to the list
discúlpeme. Mills not Mill’s
OK, here are my concerns in regard to characterization of Amy in this episode, especially that kiss. I already shared them on AE if any of you check that site as well.
I don’t think that Amy’s description of the kiss with Liam makes it look like she’s really gay. Her poetic metaphor tells that she enjoyed kiss with Liam, but kiss with Karma completely overshadowed it (but hey, she’s in love with Karma and not Liam, right?).
Now, let’s bring some context. By the way those kisses were shot it really looked like she was more enthusiastic during kiss with Liam than with Karma (but that’s probably due to censorship, I believe there was some talk that they had to tone down their same-sex kisses).
And, most of all, she already kissed a guy – Oliver. It made her feel absolutely nothing. Now, she kissed Liam and for unknown reason it was completely different, which leads to very unfortunate implications – the guy who wants to “conquer” lesbians is the first guy that made Amy feel anything during a kiss.
Of course all of this matters only if we assume that Amy is lesbian (if she’s not gay, then it’s different problem – of a show that uses subject of lesbianism but doesn’t bother to provide any actual lesbian representation, and of clear lesbian-baiting we’ve been subjected to through the first half of the season, as there were many hints Amy is gay, not bi).
And if she is gay, then it would look very similar to the usual portrayal of lesbians – that we’re not attracted to women only, not ‘really’ gay like gay men are, our sexuality is fluid and under right circumstances we could enjoy men.
And the fact she doesn’t yet identify as lesbian changes nothing – coming out doesn’t negate feelings we had prior to it.
Don’t get me wrong – disputing whether a “real” lesbian could enjoy kissing a man or not is not my concern. My concern is that lesbians, according to TV, are only this way. Since December at least 6 shows portrayed “lesbian sleeping with a man” trope, I could list dozens of other movies and shows that did it. And when there’s no sex, then it’s hinted otherwise that the lesbian character is not so completely uninterested in men.
Apart of that talk about kiss with Liam, I found it very problematic that even after the news that those “lesbians” had threesome with a man have been spread, no one questioned their supposed lesbianism. Instead, the threesome of 2 girls with 1 guy was even called “lesbian threesome”. And it doesn’t matter that they are not really gay (or as in case of Amy, don’t identify as that). What matters is the fact that such ideas about lesbianism are presented as something completely normal, it’s left unquestioned.
I have to disagree with you. I was once asked how kissing women was different than men and my reply was pretty close to what she said. I love that conversation.
You are going to HATE the finale.
I kind of feel like nothing is really happening in the show…like it seems to have gone around in a circle a couple times now. I’m ready for something exciting to happen!
And by exciting I mean gay.
I seriously read these recaps for the photo captions (nice including more of those this week, you’re hilarious)
also, I want Shane’s purple shirt. One of my fave things about queer fashion: we can share regardless of gender :D
YES THIS. I pretty much want Shane’s entire wardrobe.
also my favorite caption: liam lying on top of karma, and you write “blah blah blah” hahaha love it
I really hope the show makes up for this lame hetero sex scene, during the finale. They owe the lesbian/bi community some serious stuff. They should have Amy hook up with that hot-ass chick from like, episode 3. Handcuffs, high heels and a good spanking. Something real freaky.
“OH GOD, YES! MAKE ME YOUR SLAVE! TIE ME UP! WHIP ME! OH YEAH THE HOT WAX!… Hey girl, just asking, are you into erotic asphyxiation too, by any chance?”
Am I the only person who still likes Karma? Like, I’m not thrilled with her current arc ’cause blegh Liam’s gross, but she’s a teenage girl and she owns that.
I don’t hate Karma, and I’m glad Karma seems like she is going towards a happy ending with Liam. Karma just happens to be, or so it seems this far, fully hetero. I really identify with Amy (being a “fem” with a nasty tendency to fall for straight friends D:), and I feel like Amy really needs to find her happy ending, but not with Karma, at least in my mind.
Amy really needs to get the closure I can never have! D:
I guess it’s because I’m rooting for bisexual Karma. It seems like a good way to resolve Amy’s unrequited crush without completely undermining her storyline with Liam.
NOTES FROM A RIDICULOUSLY DRUNK HOMO:
Dear Amy,
Girl let me take you to the Melting Pot for some fondue and then let’s hijack a boat in honor of Rory Gilmore except minus the Huntzberger and including extra hot sex and multiple cakes.
Dear Karma,
Get your shit together, man. Don’t be a dick. But also you’re in high school and everyone is a dick in high school so I love you anyway and IT GETS BETTER.
Dear Liam,
No.
Actually that is unfair to Liam. It will get better for you too. You are also allowed to be a dick because you are like sixteen damn years old and that is highly unfortunate.
But kale suit or not, if you and Karma break Amy’s little gryffinpuff heart into a thousand pieces I will destroy both of you.
Prioritizing to read riese’s recaps help me fast forward the parts i don’t like. Riese is a blessing from the Sapphic Goddess.
SPOILER!!!!!!!!!
Last episode has leaked, people talk about it all over twitter and different places.
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Guess who sleeps with who in the very last scene. Of course, supposed lesbians and douche who wants to conquer lesbians.
SPOILER
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Sorry, meant “lesbian”, not ‘lesbians”. Amy gets drunk and sleeps with Liam.
I have super-detailed head canon for this show that I have never watched (BUT WILL READ EVERY SINGLE RECAP FOR UNTIL THE BITTER END): Lauren is trans, those are her anti-androgens and hormones that she’s taking. Amy’s mom/Lauren’s dad are actually way more with-it than they act; Lauren’s father has been supporting her medical needs since childhood, and Amy’s mother, while probably not being fully understanding, is aware and makes a conscious effort to act as a mother to her. After Shane outs Lauren, everybody feels like a jerk and agrees to take back the Blue Oasis High School Coolest Queer Teen Award and give it to Lauren instead. Also Lauren is not entirely straight, because Blue Oasis High School. Karma realizes she’s an embarrassment to everything and fades into the background, taking Liam with her. Amy gets over it and sleeps with that girl with the moped. She sleeps with a lot of girls. Post Laurengate, Oliver does some soul-searching as to why he’s always felt like such a lesbian, and later comes out as trans as well, going by Olivia. Once Amy has pulled her brain out of Karma’s butt, she notices that Olivia has shiny hair and asks her to coffee. Shane realizes that he’s poly and that he needs to own that. After gently turning down a drunken, sobbing Liam (and seeing just how much damage treating people as toys can cause), he goes running after Pablo. They settle into a an adorably domestic life with a sizzling open relationship. They spend a lot of time with Lauren’s Sockless Boyfriend. HIRE ME, MTV
Take my money, and take over MTV.
Please approve my comment….
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Thanks Dr Robinson.
My relationship has been restored,
My Ex-boyfriend is back after he broke up with me.
I am the happiest lady on earth,
Never too late to fix your broken heart.
You can still get your lover back…
Fix broken relationship/marriage…
R.buckler 11(((gmail…… com)))