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I was already in the midst of planning the first outlines of this week of content when a spate of very silly and very tired bisexual takes rolled through the discourse — whether it was the ~validity~ of bisexual women (what does that even mean? I’ve always wondered!) or what we’re like to date, it felt like we were in an unforgiving spotlight just as I was trying to think about how to best celebrate us. It didn’t feel great, and specifically felt weirdly anachronistic; after a summer defined by new horizons I hadn’t dared to imagine possible, it was so bizarre to somehow be sitting through the same conversations I felt like we were having back in 2010.
Another way of looking at it, though, I guess is that another thing we were reminded of this summer is how progress always moves in cycles, and some of them aren’t even that long; we’re always working on the same things we were working on five, ten, 20, 50 years ago; they’ve just been shifted up and into a different place, but they don’t go away. Which I guess is also what I’ve been thinking about for bi week of this year; I know we don’t ever get to stop thinking entirely about the annoying issues we have to keep re-litigating over and over, but I do want us to get to move the conversation forward. And I want us to be able to have it on our terms – not as a reaction, not as a defense or a justification, but a conversation amongst ourselves about ourselves that lets us connect with and affirm each other.
Sometimes I feel insecure or unsure about the role of these discussions – what are the conversations we want or need to be having in this community? What does ~community~ actually even mean for us? Am I like the only person who still calls themselves bisexual, or has the next generation moved on to different ways to talk about themselves and their experiences, like how there are all these new drugs I don’t know anything about? What kind of vocabulary do we have as a community to talk about everything that’s urgently on the table right now for us all? I wasn’t sure! And I’m still not, which is fine; the point is the questions, not insisting on having answers. But the submissions that rolled in for this week have made me feel so grateful and excited about what we’re already thinking and doing as a community and what we’re capable of doing. We have pieces on trying to stay in touch with the huge possibilities of how sexuality can shift with new awareness of gender, the interplay of a sexuality people find tough to parse with a disability that people find illegible; the power of community and Dungeons & Dragons, what it’s like to be literally at the cutting edge of new representations of bi women by writing your own webseries, and complex, multilayered conversations I’m truly thrilled to get to share with you. Thank you for being here and for being part of them, and being part of this week!
Rachel this is beyond good thank you for these notes!
As a ~person of bisexual experience, I always so appreciate yr writing on bisexuality, Rachel!
“I want us to be able to have it on our terms – not as a reaction, not as a defense or a justification, but a conversation amongst ourselves about ourselves that lets us connect with and affirm each other.” Thank you for making that space, Rachel, I’m excited to read these pieces!
I appreciate your work so so much! Can’t wait 💛
Hello yes I am still bisexual although now suddenly in the transition from 29 to 30 I became old. The kids are talking about bisexuality! I even joined a Facebook group about it. Excited for this week of content.
I love this note and I love your brain and I love you and I am so excited about this week you’ve curated for us, as I am always excited about the work you do for this publication and the world at large. 💜
I’ve always thoroughly enjoyed Bi week and look forward to this year’s offerings!
Thank you for this. I hear you on not precisely knowing how to define community for us, and at the same time I believe now and always that bi people are crucial to the queer spaces we inhabit. In a time where my roommate (herself a bi woman and a researcher with a focus on bisexuality) has exhaustedly shown me multiple twitter threads about whether bisexual women are allowed to use words like femme, or are somehow deceiving lesbians and straight men who date them, this moment of gratitude for bisexuality and all the possibilities it entails feels extra important.
I’m really excited for this week!! And I don’t know if the kids still call themselves bisexual but I sure do, you’re def not the only one.
Here with gratitude and hoping this year’s offerings answer some of my questions. Like, how is one to be out as bi at work? Having a partner and mentioning their gender usually gets one slated as straight or gay. Mentioning an ex of another gender can be quite contrived or bizarre in a work context (and one can be bi without having to ‘demonstrate’ partnering with multiple genders, as we all know!!!!). Coming out as bisexual, directly, in my experience invites questions like a) “yes but what do you REALLY prefer????” or b) “so there you’re sexually available to everyone and therefore also want to sleep with me, right?” or c) “whoa whoa whoa now you’re throwing your sexuality in my FACE!”
As a person in a position of power now, I WANT to be out to represent and advocate, but, it’s sticky. Help a girl out.
I still say bisexual, but I share the sensation that it’s not “in vogue” anymore to say it. I surround myself with people who are bi/pan/queer and when I describe groups or people as “bi/pan/queer” I feel like others understand that I mean queer as in attracted-to-multiple-genders, not queer as in lesbian-but-lesbian-also-kinda-feels-out-of-vogue.