This is a recap of Rupaul’s Drag Race episode 1405. Spoilers below

Tonight, we’re explaining drag to straight people — and I’m not talking about Maddy Morphosis. I watched tonight’s episode at my parents’ house because it’s my mom’s birthday and she walked in and out of the room asking all sorts of questions. I answered them the best I could while taking my notes, but, unfortunately, Ru only has his special family moments for his contestants not his recappers. Anyway, that’s the headspace I’m in — let’s begin, shall we?

Kerri has lived to see another week and she says if they want “scary Kerri” she will give them “scary Kerri.” This is exciting to me personally as someone who feels there’s a fine line between feeling scared and turned on. Everyone who hasn’t won a challenge is starting to feel antsy — from now on Jasmine won’t be the only one crying in safe.

It’s a new day in the work room and I am sad. Kornbread is conspicuously missing and then Ru comes out and explains that Kornbread hurt her ankle and won’t be continuing this season. She says goodbye in a video message that includes some really sweet words to Kerri and Willow and some neutral words to Jasmine. Ru notes that Kornbread did not have the gold candy bar because I guess he’s committed to pretending that one of the queens has the gold rather than the producers handing it to whoever they want to save some week.

As you all know I was rooting for Kornbread to win it all and if I wasn’t so exhausted I’d be even sadder than I am! The silver lining for me is I feel like this season really unlocked something in Kornbread and I sort of think it may be a blessing for her to return next year with a bit more emotional processing done and when she’s a bit more settled in her transition. I will absolutely be rooting for her to win season fifteen.

The mini challenge this week is more just a way for the queens to be sorted into teams. They’re supposed to grind against the pit crew with a balloon in between them until it pops to reveal a color of confetti that will decide their team. The best part of this challenge is getting to learn which of these queens is toppiest and which are bottomiest — assuming we didn’t already know. Jorgeous is the biggest bottom barely managing to even pop the balloon. As Kerri says, “That little bitch ain’t topped anything in her life.” And I think Bosco is the biggest top?? This is exciting to me as someone who is growing more attracted to Bosco and is in a bottomy phase.

The main challenge for the week is a “Save the Queens” video — a Sarah McLachlan-style commercial about three queens who went home first in their seasons. The Orange Team (Angeria, Kerri, DeJa, and Jorgeous) is working with Tempest Du Jour (season 7). The Purple Team (Willow, Jasmine, Maddy, and Orion) is working with Jaymes Mansfield (season 9). And the Green Team (Bosco, Lady Camden, and Daya) is working with Kahmore Hall (season 13).

Of the returning queens, Tempest definitely takes the most hands-on approach. Not only does she suggest that they joke about her being old, but she acts as the older, wiser queen as she gives specific direction for their approach. As Ru makes her way around the work room, it’s clear that Jorgeous is the queen most nervous about this challenge.

The teams film with Michelle and beyond some line stumbling it mostly seems to go okay. The best part is when Jasmine gives a bad first take and Michelle says, “I love that you gave it all you got.” This week’s participation trophy goes to Jasmine Kennedie.

The next day the Green Team is feeling confident while Jorgeous and Jasmine are nervous. Orion says she feels good about how she did and Jasmine says she must be delusional.

We get our work room backstory moments with Jorgeous talking about first doing drag at 16 and needing her parents in attendance for the bar to let her perform. And then Willow talks about being close with her mom and about the health problems she’s had her whole life. She says that it sucks to be 26 years old and feel like her body is already declining. There was an urgency for her to get on Drag Race and now there’s an urgency for her to win.

Ava Max is the judge and I honestly didn’t know who that was. I didn’t even realize she was a singer until they lip synced to one of her songs! Am I missing out? Do I live under a rock? Am I uncool? Or is she uncool?

Anyway the category is Spring Has Sprung. Kerri is in an avant-garde flower look as she tries to step out of her comfort zone and follow the judges’ advice to be ugly. (Impossible.) Orion looks like a Playboy bunny who thought a bag of edibles were just regular fruit snacks. Willow has a cheery house on her head and when she turns around it says “HELP” in blood. Maddy is wearing a cloud hat with rain trim and I was ready to admit it was a cool concept but then Bosco walked out in her own cloudy dress that revealed itself to be a sunny yellow one instead!

The Green Team have the most consistent video with Bosco and Lady Camden standing out. The other two are a real mix of highs and lows. For the Purple Team, Willow is great, Maddy and Jasmine are okay, and Orion is terrible. For the Orange Team, Kerri is great, Angeria is even better, DeJa is meh, and Jorgeous is not good. And then Sarah McLachlan herself shows up for a fun little moment!

Kerri, DeJa, Maddy, Willow, and Daya are safe. Willow is only safe because no one can be in the top every week. Unless, of course, you’re Angeria who was so good they simply couldn’t keep her out of the top. Joining her are Lady Camden and Bosco. And in the bottom are Jasmine, Jorgeous, and Orion.

Bosco wins after being praised for taking risks. I really like Bosco! Maybe it’s an attraction thing but I also just think she’s really poised while still being creative and I respond to that. I’m glad she won this one.

Jasmine is safe so it’s Orion and Jorgeous lip syncing to “My Head and My Heart” by the guest judge I don’t know. Orion is fine — other than kicking her shoes off — but God this is mismatched. Jorgeous is just on a totally different level. She’s an incredible dancer and more than does enough to save herself. She shantays and Orion sashays for the second time.

Oh wait first she opens her chocolate bar. I keep forgetting about the chocolate bar! Thankfully it’s just chocolate. At least, she has something to satisfy her munchies on the ride home.

Teleport Us to Mars!! Here Are Some Random Thoughts:

+ Yes, Kerri is beautiful, but I would also like to acknowledge how fucking funny she is?? She is this season’s confessional winner. Her commentary kills me.

+ I know the next rumored All Stars season is an All Winners season and I am very excited about that. (Mainly because the thought of Raja and Jinkx on one season is just very !!!!) But then I hope they do an all losers season! Bring back every queen who went home first! Let’s see what they can do.

+ During Untucked, Maddy says she’s a lesbian. We know, Maddy.

+ We get a glimpse of Kornbread packing. Even if it was just for show, why did they make Kornbread pack herself??

+ The last noteworthy thing in Untucked is Jorgeous tells Orion she has a crush on her in her goodbye note. I see it.

+ Queen I’m rooting for: Willow, Angeria, Kerri, Bosco (I need to think more about who is replacing Kornbread in my heart !!)

+ Queen I have the biggest crush on: Kerri and Bosco

+ Queen I want to sashay: Maddy

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