This week on Bomb Girls, we’ve got Rosie, we’ve got the proposal from hell, and we’ve got burlesque! Yes, burlesque, something I really truly love and admire and consider myself a devoted fan of, and now there’s a burlesque themed episode of Bomb Girls. For somewhere in my youth and childhood, I must have done something good.
not that burlesque though, not that 2 hour romp through christina aguilera’s incredibly limited acting talents and cher and stanley tucci being drunk and ad libbing all their lines
All our favorite ladies are enjoying second breakfast, or as some like to call it, a pre-work smoke. Vera wants Kate to sing in the “all girl revue,” which Ivan is pretty much immediately against. Progressive guy, this one. Good thing Betty has been saving up all her skeptical side eyes this week to react to everything Kate and Ivan do as a couple.
Breaking up this little sass fest from Our Favorite Lesbian is ROSIE. She’s a famous reporter who is probably also a secret lesbian, as Betty gave her way too quick of a Dyke Grin of Acknowledgment for that to not be the case. I mean, everyone on this show might as well be a secret lesbian, I don’t know why I am arguing otherwise.
figure a: the betty mcrae signature dyke grin of acknowledgement
Lorna is not 100% on a reporter hanging out at the factory, and gives her the Lorna Corbett Disapproval Treatment, which seems to involve making the other person surrender over their belongings while allowing them one pencil. Rosie, or Dottie, who I will probably still be referring to as Rosie because I had a lot of Rosie merchandise as a child (ahem, GAY), is not sure she is down with this scenario.
completely insulted by only being allowed to carry a phallic symbol of all things
Rosie gets right to work bringing up all the chemical hazards that might be killing the girls as we speak, and oh, Rosie, I really don’t want to think about these things, okay? I have very deliberately chosen as a fan and as someone who is way too emotionally attached to these fictional characters to ignore the fact that they will probably all be dying horrible cancer-related deaths before they reach the age of 45, okay? I have accepted that they are going to have deformed children and lung decay, and I am coping. Let’s not bring this up again, okay? I don’t need an excuse to write The Notebook-style Kate and Betty death scene fanfiction, okay? Okay?!
look lady, we don’t use sunscreen and we smoke like chimneys. we know how this story ends.
Gladys runs into Lesser Bond in the canteen. She starts whispering because she is cutely terrible at being a spy. She also puts some white substance on her face on accident, and I’m trying to decide if I’d be more or less grossed out if that substance was revealed to be cottage cheese. Probably more. Lesser Bond reveals it is creamed cauliflower and leaves in a trail of fog. SPIES!
still flawless tho
Kate and Betty discuss Betty’s eagerness to buy a home. Kate says that it’d be nice to have a home for that heternormative family setting she’s been pinin’ after. Betty gives her a look that says “oh, wow, is this like that time we went to that house and we talked about getting a home together after the war and I was 99% sure you were basically accepting my invitation to come live with me as my lesbian partner because I thought it was real between us and I dreamed a dream in time gone by when hope was high and life worth living, I dreamed that love would never die, I dreamed that goddess would be forgiving, then I was young and unafraid when dreams were made and used and wasted, there was no ransom to be paid, no song unsung, no wine untasted, but then you had to go and get with Ivan.”
*whisper* now life has killed the dream i dreamed
Marco finds out he has to serve underneath Leon and report to him for security reasons. Those reasons are mostly that he has been wrongfully accused of three different security situations, so. Also, that he is an Italian and his cannoli has been quite the factory nuisance, as it keeps canoodling with his direct supervisors. That reason we can all agree upon.
you can’t keep a good ricotta marscapone filling down, sir
Vera and Marco are at the Lady Revue TryOuts and as I fitfully said out loud the first time I watched this episode, “dang, are they bangin’ yet?” Vera is just the most flawless person in existence and she really needs her Italian Stallion, even if he continues to be the hunky scourge of the factory. Queen needs her champion, you feel me? Also she needs her dragons, but when Vera ascends to khaleesi, that shouldn’t be an issue. Anyway, Marco tells Vera that he’s probably going to quit. She gives him the old arm squeeze, which in Lesbian Terms is usually called Precursor to the Physical Activities.
oh wow your forearms are even firmer than i’d imagined your g spot stroke must be outta this world
Kate sings “Molly Malone”, but does it like she’s in a second grade talent show and her mom is in the front row with the camcorder doing the arm motions for her. They tell her she looks like Drew Barrymore in “Never Been Kissed”, so she grabs Ivan and gives him the most sexual kiss the poor boy has probably ever received.
Kate: I assure you, sir, I’ve been kissed. You’ve seen it yourself.
Well, DAMN GIRL. Let’s all be glad Betty wasn’t present for this situation, as she probably would have simultaneously creamed her pants and had a nosebleed before running from the room in a state of panic and confusion.
uh kate does this mean you’re not gonna make me wear that blonde wig and power suit during sex anymore?
Then a burlesque dancer comes out and um, this show just took a turn for the awesome. Also Vera and Marco are checking this lady out like they probably slipped her their number after her audition because they’re looking for a third. Mhm.
Ivan and Kate are playing Monopoly, which I guess is what Kate has convinced Ivan that sex is. This is probably why he kept referring to that night with Betty as Monopoly. Everything’s all wholesome and squeaky clean until Kate offers up physical favors for Monopoly and they start awkwardly straddling on the couch. Vera runs in and apologizes because she is Canadian. Love those guys.
wow so you’re not still not gay? how many bad sexual encounters with this guy is it gonna take?
Lorna has Rosie over for sandwiches and they talk about feminist stuff. Man, I wish I could chill with cool ladies and eat sandwiches and talk about feminism. I miss college.
look lorna, you and i are pretty second wave, but we don’t have to be rad fem okay? we can do better
Vera tells Kate that the Awesome Lady Show Revue is technically a burlesque show. Vera is totally for it and says burlesque takes all types. Good golly Vera, could you be more of a perfect person? Ivan is totally against it and goes pretty deep in the slut-shaming. He also does not let Kate have a say in the matter as she is “his woman.”
Reggie shows up to fix Lorna’s stove and talk more turkey with Rosie. With her toolbox! I mean, what! How amazing is this scene! I was making stupid happy noises the moment that baby dyke showed up with a fucking toolbox! A toolbox! This show, I’m telling you.
Over at Fancy People Tennis Club, Gladys is playing tennis with her father because ha! If Reggie is walking around with a toolbox, Gladys is walking around with a tennis racket. And can I just say, her tennis outfit and hair ribbon are pretty much the most swoonworthy things in this episode, not counting all those burlesque numbers we are about to appreciate. Gladys asks her father for control of her trust funds. You go, girl. I also loved the part of the conversation she started with “What will you do if there isn’t another James?” as I was fully expecting her to follow that sentence up with “What if her name is Jane, or Jamie, or what if I end up with Betty because we’d probably have hot sex together while she teases me and calls me ‘Princess’?”
what if i just go totally lesbian on everyone? can i get a car? how about a truck?
Rosie’s article is printed, and Reggie is all too excited to read it out loud to Lorna because Reggie is mentioned in the article. Reggie is gonna cut this out and add it to her scrapbook next to a picture of Kathleen Hanna and Angela Davis, and then she’s gonna go ride her bike with the rest of her girl gang and beat up some misogynist boys at the gas station. Reggie is the best.
looks like there wasn’t anything in the crime blotter about that abusive guy i castrated and spray painted pink, so that’s cool
Unfortunately, Lorna’s wages and the fact women make 35 cents less than men at the factory are right there in the paper, and Lorna is not too jazzed about that.
Meanwhile, Marco and Vera and still talking up the burlesque thing with Kate. Vera reveals she has been “once or twice” to the burlesque and VERA WHY ARE YOU SUCH A QUEEN?! This, and the fact she calls Ivan “Ivan the Terrible” make her the continued best person in all of Canada. Kate asks Vera for burlesque pointers. Yes. Yes, she does.
Donald, that douchey guy who has done most of the douchey stuff on the show, gives Lorna a hard time because of the article. Betty makes a “McRae Isn’t Fuckin Around” Face.
MOTHERFUCKAS THINK TWICE BEFORE THEY CROSS ME
Gladys tells Betty she should make a move on the house. Betty says she is bad at being flirtatious with guys. Gladys is like duh, bro, I’ve seen you, and agrees to come along as flirtatious bait. I love these two so much.
Donald continues to be a jackass in the canteen and Marco throws a roll at his head. Part of me was like Marco, you’re the bestest, and then another part of me was like, oh my god Marco, I totally forgot that time you got Lorna pregnant with Baby Cannoli, can we talk about that for a second? Except I guess we’re not up to those games anymore? Lorna tells Marco that she doesn’t want any trouble. Mhm, girl, we get where you’re going with that.
i went on a no carb diet just to avoid interactions with your cannoli do you understand what i am saying
Vera is giving Kate burlesque tips and I’ve decided I’m going to marry Vera just so you guys know.
shawty ur my angel ur my darlin angel
Gladys is hosting her daddy’s dinner party and Pretend British is there. He tells her he is trying to get her dad to help build bombs or something? I don’t know, this spy stuff is over my head. Gladys is like okay I’ll do it. SPIES!
i was listening to a dubstep remix of skyfall earlier today and it wasn’t that bad. this has been the only thing the author could think of as commentary on this photo. i’m out of things to add to this storyline. idek guys
Ivan is being a shitty person about this burlesque thing and Kate has had enough.
Kate: You think I’m this meek little mouse you can keep in a cage?
Ivan: No, I just don’t want you to degrade yourself!
Kate: It’s not degrading if I decide to do it.
Ivan: Yes it is!
Kate: Says who?
Ivan: Says me. I don’t want my girl on stage.
Betty and Gladys go to the bank to get Betty her loan. Turns out the banker is actually a woman, but doesn’t play for Betty’s team, so it’s back to square one in the planning situation.
aw man bro but maybe she’s a noodle get it
Lorna confronts Rosie about the article, but Rosie is all GIRL POWER YOU BUILD BOMBS GIRL POWER YEAH. Also her hats and outfits in general are just so ridiculous and wonderful, I keep getting distracted and missing the dialogue because I’m processing the fronds and feathers extending from her head.
quietly imagines her playing baseball in this outfit
Gladys and Betty went to the burlesque show because that’s just what lesbros do. Unfortunately, Betty is in a shitty mood and it seems like nothing will ever put a smile on her face. Until…
Oh, honey. If that ain’t love, I don’t know what is.
After the show, Ivan runs up to Kate because he’s been enlightened by Our Lady Beyonce, who once said that if one likes it, one should put a ring on it. Ivan proposes to Kate.
I just… I don’t know. You pull all these misogynistic stunts today and act like we should be ready to see you as a changed man just because you got off on your girl’s song choice? I’m not behind this situation, dude. I’m not okay with it for a lot of reasons, but I’m especially not okay with it after Ivan’s bullshittery during the entire episode.
Kate says yes.
Baby you were doing so well! With the telling Ivan to sit the fuck down, and the reclaiming of your sexuality, and all that good stuff. I know why you did it, I do. I just feel like hitching yourself to this crapwagon is just about the worst thing you can do for yourself in the long run, honey. Blargh.
Over at Marco’s house, all his friends have left and Marco is performing his own burlesque routine. I shit you not. Marco, my heterobro. Also, before they go all the way, HE ACQUIRES CONSENT. Marco fucking Moretti, ladies and gentlemen.
I DON’T SEE NOTHIN WRONG WITH A LIL BUMP N GRIND
Donald gives Lorna more shit in the canteen, so she dumps her lunch on him. When he goes to fight back, every woman in the canteen stands up, food ready.
Lorna and Rosie get sloshed and bond about feminism and being awesome and stuff like that.
you wanna get some late in life experimenting out of the way?
The episode ends with Lorna getting a raise, Betty getting a loan, and Kate still being engaged to Ivan. Call me whenever that stops. Until next time, Bombshells of Glory.
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We Know How This Story Ends… I’m crying real tears right now!
This latest episode was amazing because feminism. ALL THE TYPES, ALL THE WAVES!
I was cheering. And the recap, epic, as usual.
My heart was shattered into a million tiny kittens and gay rainbows when those douchecanoes attacked Betty and she was subsequently applauded by the entire factory.
brb, going to bust out my toolbox and sign up for Reggie’s gang.
This was the double feature of my dreamssssss.
These recaps only serve to cement my love of Bomb Girls even more
Hey, that is Helo you are talking about! That accent is pretty bad though. They couldn’t hire an actual British actor? Not that I’m complaining too much because Helo!
Vera continues to be the most precious thing ever. I can never decide who I love more, Betty or Vera so I choose to love both unconditionally,
I have so many feelings about that proposal and none of them are good. Where are the writers going with this?
Helo is Canadian with a British dad, but good lord, that doesn’t undo the awfulness of his clipped deliberate pronunciations that are so alien.
Helo’s accent is so terrible that I’m convinced that he’s actually a doll sent on assignment to infiltrate Vic Mu but there was a glitch in his programming that effed up his accent.
Someone call in Topher to fix this!
OH MY GOD THAT IS HELO.
I’m an idiot.
As soon as I recognized him as Helo I felt my weird assessment of Betty McRae as similar to Kara Thrace was justified.
Despite the fact that I’ve seen BSG way more times than I’ve seen Dollhouse, my first thought was “oh for fucks sake, it’s Paul Ballard.” (Actually, his spy prowess and accent skills are about on Paul Ballard’s level.)
I was very excited when Helo/Ballard showed up with his dodgy accent because it cemented my belief in Gladys Witham’s Special Destiny. He’s patently sketchy as fuck, but I understand how Gladys was easily swept away by his dubious debonnaire-ness, owing to her pathological addiction to shenanigans and Helo’s irresistably heroic jaw.
Commies and Nazis couldn’t possibly have such a strong chin, which is why, when all of this unravels, Gladys will be doing her surprised face, which is my joint favourite Gladys face, tied with all the others.
Now I just can’t decide whether she will turn into:
a) a cylon
b) a doll
c) Michelle of the Resistance
For fashion purposes, I am pinning my hopes on C.
“pathological addiction to shenanigans.” Lol.
LEESTEN VERRY CARFULLY, AH SHALL SAY ZIS ONLY WENCE!
I’m going to need a moment to think about Gladys with a trench coat, ankle socks and a pair of mary janes. Sweet lesbian Wombat, I think you’ve uncovered the future of the show.
Gladys’s surprised face may truly be the finest of them all. I’m pretty sure that if it was ever in the same room as Betty’s ‘Tears of a Tender Butch’ expression then the sheer emotional intensity would tear a hole in the fabric of space (or, you know, my heart).
I had to make episode 9 into a double feature with A League of Their Own because I apparently hadn’t had enough 40’s feminists (is there such thing as enough? I think not.)
Also, Vera has come a long way since the beginning of this series and is officially battling it out in my heart with Betty for most awesome character ever.
hahahah double feature yeahhh
208: my heart shattered and I couldn’t breathe when those assholes were dragging Betty into the car. An absurd amount of cuddling was necessary before I unpaused the episode.
209: MOTHER. FUCKING. FEMINISM. This episode was amazing. Every thing that Vera said and did was just beyond incredible. What a BAMF, seriously. I don’t think I’ve seen much feminism in any TV show, regardless of the time period for the show. Marco’s burlesque was adorable. And I really did not like the proposal. It was so sad when Betty was asking Kate if it was too soon, and Kate said “He loves me and he’ll take care of me.” Yeah, girl, I’ve been in that same boat. She does not love the dude but it’s easier than saying no. #sadface
“209: MOTHER. FUCKING. FEMINISM. This episode was amazing. Every thing that Vera said and did was just beyond incredible. What a BAMF, seriously. I don’t think I’ve seen much feminism in any TV show, regardless of the time period for the show.”
YES. this all of this, and also this
The most lesbian fish is obviously the mullet.
…or the fingerfish. Tossup, really.
Rainbow trout? Catfish? Scissortail fish?
Or the cuttle fish.
Awwww.
Or the tilapia as in, “I’d like to tilapia dat ass.”
It is a real life fact that hammerhead sharks can reproduce without a male
that is a badass lesbian fish right there
holy shit
I already thought Vera was flawless but then called him Ivan the Terrible and I loved her even more.
Also, I often use Betty’s exact tone when she said “It’s a revue. With all girls.”
This whole show is made of win. Plus, the recaps never fail to fill my heart with rainbows and ladies with pin-curls.
I don’t know why “bull dagger” is an insult, because a dagger in the shape of a fucking bull is just about the most hard-ass thing I can think of.
And I’m pretty sure Gladys had creamed cauliflower on her face, because I remember saying, “Eww, fucking creamed cauliflower?!”
Oh I just read the sentence after that and feel like a total putz. But c’mon… creamed fucking cauliflower, amiright?
I believe bull-dagger is a corruption of “bulldyker” or “bulldiker.”
Incidentally, it seems the following only appears on dictionary.com: Some old bulldiker strutted in and ordered a beer and a chaser. She was described by her friends as a “bull-dagger,” and I can’t imagine what her enemies called her.
Is that not the most awesome use-in-a-sentence example ever?
“WHAT IF I TOLD YOU I WAS A TIME TRAVELER ON A VERY SPECIFIC MISSION, GLADYS? THE MISSION TO KILL JENNY SCHECTER.”
hahahahaha
Ah, i liked the sound of music reference at the beginning.
And the rest of course, your recaps are always hillarious and one of my favourite things :P
Ok, I know Underwear Week is technically over, but surely it isn’t too late for a Bomb Girls Style 1940s Ladything Undergarments feature? I NEED IT ON MAH BODY
seconded!!!!!!
Why does everyone think that Vera saved the day? She grabbed Betty’s hand, but Teresa grabbed a couple of soldiers who beat up the would-be rapists.
True that. I just don’t understand why people keep saying this when it’s pretty clear Teresa did it. She tried to slap the guys and after Betty got punched, she ran into the Jewel Box and came back with the soldiers. Vera helped, of course, but Sergeant Hill deserves the credit.
Ok I know that I’m totally late to the party but WHERE can I find episodes from season two? I just finished season 1 the other night and PLEASE LOVE ME BETTY.
Outstanding deployment of Kat Stratford gif. I really had such a crush on Julia Stiles circa 1999
Well, if it’s any consolation, Kate didn’t seem to be in a yay-I’m-getting-married mood. It was a mood close to Betty’s I’m-trying-to-look-happy-but-I’m-really-not face.