If you didn’t pop into the Friday Open Thread last month, you may not know that my queer house spouse and I are expecting. Yes, I’m knocked up and it’s every bit as weird and fascinating as I thought it would be.
We found out on December 14, 2015, shortly after rolling out of bed in a cozy hotel room at the Wyndham Garden Chelsea in NYC. Our flight was departing in a few hours, so we were hazily pulling on clothes and cramming dirty laundry and travel detritus back into our luggage.
It was our third month of trying to conceive using anonymous donor sperm and IUI (intrauterine insemination). We’d only bought three vials to start, knowing we’d have to take a break and try again later in 2016 if we didn’t get pregnant before the end of 2015. There were about a million blood tests and transvaginal ultrasounds and appointments and then we were ready to do the thing.
We tried to remain pragmatic about it, knowing that it rarely “sticks” on the first try. Still, the first time around, it was hard not to imagine that we might be one of the lucky few, that it might work right away. This was compounded by the fact that I’ve never been pregnant before and didn’t know what to expect. Also, I chose to use Clomid to stimulate ovulation, which had side effects that imitated pregnancy symptoms. So I was Googling: “early pregnancy signs cramping,” “early pregnancy signs neon yellow pee,” “first-week pregnancy symptoms,” “hot flashes pregnancy,” etc. etc. and I was cautiously optimistic that it had happened. It hadn’t.
The first and second rounds, my ovaries only released one mature egg each time, which is normal if you are conceiving without medical intervention, but we were paying cash money each time and we decided we needed to double down. (I never planned to use fertility drugs at all, but once we started actually doing this thing—and paying the bills—I changed my mind.)
By the time we got to round three, I was using a higher dose of Clomid to work my ovaries into hyper-drive and a HCG trigger shot to send as many eggs flying into the hopefully-fertile abyss as possible. I had three mature eggs by the time we went in for our third IUI appointment. Of course, I had a million weird body things happening this cycle: the weird pee, the uterine cramps, the dull aches, the hot flashes, the mood swings. Still, I was pretty sure it was all the drugs and hormones I’d been taking and convinced myself that it probably didn’t work again. I don’t like setting myself up for disappointment.
Waffle packed a pregnancy test for our NYC trip, knowing the last day of our trip would be the first day we could get an early positive. We didn’t think or talk about it too much over the few days we were there. We were seeing friends and religiously attending a theatre show we’re a little obsessed with. I rolled my eyes when he pulled the pregnancy test out of his luggage as we were trying to get ourselves packed and out the door. “Do you really want me to do this now?” I asked. I took the individually wrapped pee stick and hovered over the pristine hotel toilet. Waffle lurked outside the open door as though he was afraid to cross the threshold into my pee-area (which is unusual for us—we’re usually all up in each other’s bathroom space). “Don’t look at it without me!” he said from the doorway. It was kind of too late, though. As soon as I looked down between my legs, I saw two lines. Two bright, clear, crisp, assertive, happy-horrifying pink lines.
“You have to wait three minutes,” Waffle read off the back of the pregnancy test box.
“Uh, is two lines pregnant?” I asked.
“Yeah. Why?”
“I wasn’t trying to look, but…I definitely see two lines.”
Waffle came into the bathroom and confirmed that I wasn’t having double vision or a brain hemorrhage or something. Then we tried to act normal while we were both clearly freaking out. It was thrilling in a terrifying way, like the moment just past the very top of the roller coaster when your stomach drops out and you lose touch with gravity. As much as we wanted it and paid hard-earned cash to make it happen, there was no way to emotionally prepare for this moment. Three rounds of IUI is the average for conception using IUI, but I’d had some timing issues with my cycle. After the first two duds, I’d convinced myself the third would be a miss, too.
Yet there were two undeniable pink lines on the used pregnancy test I wrapped in tissue and left in the hotel bathroom. (Sorry, hotel cleaning staff.) We’d need a blood test to confirm, but it was pretty clear. We kissed, stared at each other with ridiculous grin-grimaces on our faces, finished packing, and headed to JFK airport.
So we’re a little over half-way through now, just past the 23-week mark. It feels like August 20th is a million years away, but it also feels like it’s going to be here before we know it. From now until the day Baby T. Rex decides to meet the outside world, I’m gonna write down some of the weird and wonderful and less-wonderful stuff I’m thinking, feeling, and over-processing, as queers do.
16 Random Baby-Making Feelings I’m Currently Over-Processing
1. Literally everything makes me cry
I’m not a crier. I’m a deeply empathetic person, but I also keep very distinct personal boundaries and I definitely don’t like to show emotions, like, on my face. I really resist the idea that hormones affect me because it sounds like patriarchal bullshit, but pregnancy hormones affect me. OMG. I teared up over a scoop of ice cream the other night because it was so good. I knew I could no longer deny it when I started crying, no, bawling when my favorite MasterChef Junior contestant was sent home. I felt the tears coming, which is usually where crying at TV or movies begins and ends for me, then I was sobbing. Like, gross snotting and sobbing and having to wipe off my glasses. Because this little girl was so sweet and just a perfect little cupcake too good for this world.
Chef Kya Lau, 8-year-old perfect human who tragically did not win MasterChef Junior
I wanted her to be in the finale so badly. She was the youngest contestant and the last-standing Asian-American contestant and I just like, imprinted on her deeply. I blame my overreaction completely on Baby T. Rex. I mean, though, look how perfect and adorable she is!
2. Puke free, baby!
I was one of the lucky ones. I never got morning sickness, ever. Thank fucking goodness, because I hate throwing up. I hate it so much. In college, I was one of those people who would hold it in when I was drunk or hungover, even though it would probably feel better to just let it all out. In fact, I think the last time I threw up was on my birthday 10 years ago and it was actual hell. Cranberry-pink-vomit-bathmat-destroyed-drunk-ugly-crying-in-the-bathtub-hell. I’m so glad my constitution has been strong.
3. Booties, booties, booties, booties, rockin’ everywhere
Waffle has gone into full nesting mode and is buying everything dino-related and/or adorable on Etsy. He bought four pairs of sneaker booties this week, which I believe strongly is four pairs of booties that Baby T. Rex is going to kick or pull off immediately. If they are anything like me when I was a kid (or adult), they are going to want to be as nude as possible as much as possible. The booties are pretty cute, though. Baby shoes are annoyingly adorable, in general.
I mean, they are pretty cute. (from BABYCROCHETfashion shopM)
4. Goodbye, sugar high.
I was diagnosed with prediabetes about a year ago and, like, honestly I just didn’t give a fuck. Like, I was supposed to meet with a nutritionist and I didn’t because I’m a proud fat girl and that stuff is triggering and weird for me and I just didn’t want to. Because of my prediabetes diagnosis, I was screened really early for gestational diabetes. Guess what? I have it!
At first, my midwives were concerned that I actually had undiagnosed Type II diabetes because early gestational diabetes usually means you are Type II. I was kind of scared, not that Type II is the worst thing, but just that it would make my pregnancy higher risk and it would mean a pretty significant long-term lifestyle change. However, after some testing and meeting with a diabetes nurse, it was clear that I just had plain ol’ prediabetes prior to being knocked up. It was a relief and a wake-up call, too. I’ve been able to keep my blood sugar normal, with no impact on T. Rex, through a carb-controlled diet and light exercise.
Being pregnant and having to carb-count is kind of the cruelest joke. It definitely takes the fun out of “eating for two.” If I’m honest, though, I’ve never felt better. I don’t feel hungry and I can sense a change in my energy levels.
Also, the emphasis of the diet isn’t on losing weight, as it would be if I wasn’t pregnant, so I’m not struggling too much with fat girl triggers. Any time I’ve dieted intentionally before, it’s made me spiral into negative self-talk and emotional breakdown. Surprisingly, this has been OK, though I struggle sometimes with having to plan my whole day around my six-meal schedule. I have to think about food, literally, from the time I wake up until I go to bed. I’ve gotten pretty good at the finger stick testing, though. I did it totally by feel in a dark movie theater the other day like a boss.
5. Baby T. Rex is already making me a better person and I hate it
Speaking of making lifestyle changes, it’s so me that I’m suddenly doing things that I haven’t ever been able to do before, like find time for 30 minutes of exercise each day. I am kind of horrible at taking care of myself physically, emotionally, etc. I’ve always had a habit of putting other people before me. I work in social justice and helping fields. I’m always overcommitted and falling behind. Self-care is a constant challenge for me. Even though T. Rex is still a part of me, not a separate person, somehow being responsible for their health and development has flipped a switch for me. Suddenly, I can find time for exercise and say no to yet another evening meeting after work and plan ahead to cook meals at home. I hate that it takes being about this little fetus dinosaur for me to actually do these things. I’m hoping I can continue to do them for myself after T. Rex is born because it feels really good.
6. Choppin’ broccoli
For some reason, Baby T. Rex loathes broccoli. I love broccoli and I keep forgetting I can’t eat it. I’ll have a couple bites of broccoli and everything will be cool, then I’ll take another bite and like, ABORT ABORT NO SWALLOW AHHHHH!!! It’s very sad because broccoli is delicious.
My sworn enemy. (via Medical News Toad)
7. Clear Eyes, Full Bladder
The last time I was both this over-hydrated and dehydrated all the time, I was at A-Camp. I’ve never liked drinking water and now it’s all I do all day long. Also, peeing in every public restroom I come across in my daily travels, out of necessity. Also, almost peeing my pants or actually kind of peeing my pants on the regular.
8. Fetus storytime with the boi
Waffle and I have this thing now where every Sunday he reads me my weekly update from a pregnancy website. It usually happens late at night before we go to bed. The site is kind of heteronormative, of course, so some of the stuff about “my husband” isn’t applicable, but straight women don’t refer to their partners as “non-gestational carriers,” either, so… Anyway, it’s neat-o to review together what T. Rex is doing this week and what my body is doing in relation to that. Like T. Rex can hear now and it can taste what I eat and it can sense light. WEIRD SCIENCE! I hope T. Rex likes all this hot sauce I’m scarfing. As you can probably tell, I’m a low-key pregnant woman, so I’m not really into the fancy pregnancy apps or taking stylized bump pics, but this is one baby-making tradition I enjoy with Waffle that’s just between us.
9. Gestational Diabetes Test Kitchen Score Sheet:
wheat bread plus fruit: A+
wheat bread plus tortilla chips: B+
wheat bread plus wheat pasta: B-
wheat bread plus potatoes: B-
lentils plus basmati rice: A+
lentils plus potatoes: C+
lentils plus pasta: D-
brown rice plus beans: A+
brown rice plus lentils: B-
brown rice plus fruit: A-
injera plus lentils: C+
injera plus collards: B+
pizza: surprisingly B+
white bread: surprisingly B+
white rice plus literally anything – FAIL FAIL EPIC FAIL GAME OVER MAN
10. Arm stumps and alien face
Waffle thinks our baby is already the cutest baby ever, based solely on ultrasound pics. Honestly, I feel like all ultrasound pics of babies kind of look the same. Like, it looks like a sea monkey, then an alien, then a larger alien. It’s pretty cool to see it move around and listen to the heartbeat and all that, but it doesn’t look “cute” to me yet. Waffle strongly disagrees. That said, the name “Baby T. Rex” comes from our first ultrasound, at just seven weeks, when the fetus looked like a little swimmy fish with arm stumps and a tail.
Seven week viability ultrasound confirmed I’m harboring a little creature!
“It has my T. Rex arms!” Waffle (who is part dino-boi) whispered to me as we were checking out at the front desk, sending me into a giggle fit. From then on, it was Baby T. Rex. Its arm stumps have grown to a longer length and it lost its tail by the next ultrasound, but the nursery will be dino-themed.
Be honest, 12-week-old Baby T. Rex looks like a stock photo of a fetus? Amiright?
11. I need Isabel to Google some stuff for me
Google is your best friend and worst enemy when you’re preggers. Every time I feel something weird or think I do, I’m on Google looking it up. How did pregnant people do pregnancy before internet forums? I lurk, but reading the experiences of other pregnant people (OK, typically very heteronormative moms) is mostly reassuring. I can lose hours scrolling through forums, though, just making sure that this weird cramp I’m having is OK and Baby T. Rex is not in danger.
I’ve found a couple forums for lesbian moms (which I’m not, but close enough) and once in a while I come across a pregnant dad in a thread, but there isn’t a lot out there that is for queer parents. Even the lesbian moms can be kind of…gendernormative and like, not my people. I guess it’s why we started our own queer family blog way back when, though I’ve really got to get back to updating it. I did join a feminist parenting group on Facebook and that’s been kind of a nice safe place to find other parents who want to smash patriarchy.
12. Moving and kicking, but not screaming yet
Feeling a baby kick you from the inside is kind of like having your first confirmed orgasm. Like, you’re not sure if you had an orgasm until you really have a good one and then it’s like, “OH YEAH THAT WAS DEFINITELY AN ORGASM!” I’d felt little tiny maybe-movements-maybe-gas since about 20 weeks, but this week Baby T. Rex went into full active mode. And won’t stop moving. It’s similar to that flippy feeling your tummy gets when you go over a hill on a roller coaster. Before, when it was just once in a while and very light, it felt like popcorn popping or light tapping. Now it’s, like, most of the day, every day, tummy flips and pronounced poking. It’s pretty wild. It’s definitely weird. Like, what is even happening with my body right now? I don’t hate it because it’s somewhat reassuring, but oh boi, this kid is going to be as hyper-active as I was when I was a tot. We’re in for it!
13. Does this make me a hippy?
I’m drinking apple cider vinegar like a crunchy mom and I’m really into it. Supposedly it brings down your blood glucose numbers if you have diabetes. I don’t know if it’s actually helping metabolize my glucose or whatever, but I do know it’s delicious with fresh lemon juice and stevia. I found a pasteurized version with the mother intact at Trader Joes, breaking the family moratorium on shopping at Trader Joe’s. (Waffle works for a competing grocery chain.)
14. Going to Lowe’s is the best way to start a fight with your partner
So far, we agree on the major baby-planning questions and decisions. We did manage to get into an almost-shouting match in a suburban Lowe’s over paint color, though. I actually didn’t care too much about what color the baby room was as long as it was bright and generally gender neutral. I thought we both agreed on a jungle green color, then Waffle brought orange into the mix. I was like, “OK, fine, I guess, if that’s what you want.” Waffle wanted me to have a strong opinion one way or another. I just didn’t have a strong opinion. I was like, “This is your thing. I don’t care,” which was definitely the wrong thing to say. This resulted in us passive-aggressive poking at each other until we were on the verge of an epic blow-out, over paint.
We settled on green.
15. Belly worship
Being a self-proclaimed fat girl, I feel like people can’t tell I’m showing unless they know or see me every day. Like, I already have kind of a nice, round, protruding belly. I love my belly. The shape has changed in the last few weeks. It’s hardened and is more “up” than “out” now, but I don’t necessarily look pregnant to the untrained eye. Well, I guess I kind of always look pregnant to the untrained eye. When I was trying on maternity clothes a couple months ago, I didn’t need the bump padding they have in the dressing room to imitate a second-trimester bump. My body is naturally bump-shaped.
I both love and hate that showing off my stomach is now socially acceptable because I’m knocked up, because being pregnant is the ultimate heteronormative act and suddenly my body is desirable and fertile instead of gross and offensive. It’s liberating and infuriating.
That said, a lot of my regular clothes work well as maternity clothes because my body mass hasn’t changed too much yet. Speaking of, maternity pants with the belly panel are my new best friend. Why was I not wearing maternity pants before? Why are they not marketing these for non-pregnant people who want to be comfortable and have pants that stay up over their belly? I’m a lifetime convert. I’ll be damned if I go back to regular jeans.
16. Pickleback, hold the whiskey
My cravings are salty, more than sweet. Since I’m on a gestational diabetes diet, this is actually ideal. I could drink a whole jar of dill pickle brine every damn day. Oh, geez, now I’m craving pickle juice. Ugh. BRB.
Yay so looking forward to your writing about this in the months to come! Congrats again! <3
Thanks, peach pie!
Also I am also doing a carb limiting thing right now, so we can dream about cupcakes together.
I have to admit it isn’t the worst. I’ve actually started to like the taste of whole wheat pasta, I think. Like, I’m starting to forget what white pasta even tasted like. MINI CUPCAKES ARE THE ANSWER!
Yeah whole wheat pasta is good if you cook it long enough!
WHAT NEVER TO DO: Spiralize zucchini, put sauce on it, and call it “spaghetti.” Your stomach will be like hahaha wtf is this? Vegetables where my carbs should be?
Like, I even love zucchini, but my body has a mind of its own when it comes to early alarm clocks and pretending vegetables are wheat products.
YEs! My mum insists that things like cauliflower rice and courgette spaghetti are just as good or better than rice or pasta. I’m sorry mum, I love both those veg but that is just wrong.
Mind you she is Type II, thinks she’s sensitive to gluten and was training for a marathon until last week. I’ll give her her crazy food habits.
I was surprised by how much I absolutely loved spiralized zucchini. It was so filling and made me feel a million times better than actual pasta. It’s like a dream dish, full of vitality and flavor without the dull feeling pasta induces.
But, I think it’s key to not pretend like you’re about to eat pasta. That way your body can appreciate the dish for what it is – tasty and feelgood. :)
Good luck with curbing the cravings!
I like the zucchini pasta on its own with garlic butter. I don’t enjoy it as much with pasta sauce because I feel like you can’t taste the zucchini. But yeah, I agree it’s tasty!
I tried the cauliflower rice and I just couldn’t get into it. But rice is my actual favorite food, so…
I love whole wheat pasta! I grew up on white pasta but since trying brown I much prefer it. It’s almost impossible to overcook to a sloppy mess, staying ‘al dente’.
Basically it’s pasta that can survive my cooking skills. Perfect.
This is great, and it’s really nice to read about your pregnancy experiences. I totally relate to the “these aren’t my people” where are the queers, I need to smash the patriarchy and I have questions about children, thing. You just seem like the coolest person ever, KaeLyn. Also, I love the names “house spouse” and “Baby T. Rex.”
It’s one of those situations where my spouse isn’t really my “husband” or “wife,” so…you know! Sometimes I still say “partner” because that’s always felt the most right to me, but then people a) think we’re lesbians (no) or b) don’t get the real picture of how long we’ve been doing this thing called love.
Aaaaaanyway, you seem cool, too! Please process your feelings about children and smashing patriarchy with me. I need the community and the support!
I love the word “spouse.” Perfect gender-neutral term for “person I’m married to.”
I almost cried when Kya was sent home too, and I have no excuse other than she IS a perfect cupcake human.
IT WAS THE MOST TRAGIC. That show just pulled on my heartstrings in the worst way, particularly because the kids were just so kind to each other. What happens to us between Masterchef Junior and Masterchef Adult that ruins us as human beings?!
The more I hear about this baby having business, the more convinced I am it’s an adventure I am just not up for having, but your hotel room scene got me right in the heartguts. I am legit excited for you kids.
I hear you and I totally validate that feeling!
I think one of the reasons it’s so weird/awesome to me is that I never thought fondly of gestating and I never really wanted to be pregnant. So, like, even though we planned this with a LOT (too much?) of forethought, it’s still weird and wild to me that it’s all happening. I am not one of those pregnant people who is like, “THIS IS ALL I’VE EVER DREAMED OF.” I’m more like, “WHO AM I AND WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?”
So anyway, I totally validate that it’s not for everyone and, like, I think that’s a super legitimate decision to make!
That said, I’m also gonna follow every minute of this countdown!
Ditto! Not a baby haver or wanter, but I do feel a lot more joy in other people’s babies and I’m so excited for y’all!
Weeeee!
omg Kaelyn I’m so happy for you! <3 <3 <3
Thanks, cheesecake brownie!
KAELYN YOUR TERMS OF ENDEARMENT ARE MAKING ME DAMN HUNGRY
@queergirl, it’s probably the carb-restricted diet. HA!
So true, Olive Garden Breadstick!
Ya’ got me hard with that one. My Achille’s heel is savory carb-y foods. Garlic breadsticks sound like the best thing right now. As soon as I get home today, I think I’m going to make a diabetes-friendly mac and cheese. Nom.
Congratulations on your tiny dino! Looking forward to reading more in the coming months
Thanks, blueberry scone!
KaeLyn, I’m really happy for you and your partner! I’m so excited to read more about your baby experiences!
Thanks, chocolate eclair!
I have legit zero desire for kids of my own, but I am super into other people having them so I can buy them booties, and gender free miniature people clothes, and dinosaur themed shit. I feel extremely sorry for my friends and my dino enforcement on their poor sweet angels. I love that you are having a baby t-rex. Fight that heteronormative ridiculousness of pregnancy, and parenting, you awesome queers! *throws glitter in the air*
Dinosaurs are the most bestest. So many colors! So many dino lifestyle choices!
YAAASSSS
Okay, but those little crochet trainers are the cutest ever?!
I’m so happy for you both, and so excited to read the rest of this column! :D
They really are cute. I guarantee you the baby will not be interested in wearing them, but I can’t fault Waffle for buying them!
It could all work out perfectly; they will look unworn should you want to create a memory box of baby clothes!
SO HAPPY THIS SERIES IS A THING. V happy for you both, but also, I am having the worst baby fever despite being very not ready for parenthood. Saw a bib at target the other day with “brave about veggies” on it and actually cried.
Baby fever is never a thing I had, BUT baby clothes and whatnots are very cute. Oh my, so cute. I’ve totally seen that “brave about veggies” bib!
I am having a serious problem where I keep being turned to mush by baby things and babies… but the idea of actually keeping a baby is horrifying and overwhelming. Peeing by myself? Time to decompress? Fucking up a small person for life?
Aaaah I don’t know you personally but I feel so happy for both of you <3
Thanks, caramel cream puff!
I liked the “what fruit size is your baby this week” calendar things. Also, hell yes to maternity pants.
Wearing maternity jeans right now and very very happy about it. I wonder what size fruit my dino is. I have no idea!
my first-ever pair of jeggings had an elastic waistband that led people to affectionately call them my “pregnancy pants.” the dream for non-pregnant folks hoping to wear maternity-style gear year-round is real and possible, kaelyn. just never ditch those elastic banded pants. i’ll never judge you, only hold you close and love you.
so excited for this series!
I mean, pretty much all my pre-pregnancy pants were jeggings or leggings, anyway. STRETCH PANTS FOREVER. I highly recommend the belly panel pants because they’ve solved the problem of my jeggings/leggings falling off my square hips. Maybe just try a pair. It’s worth it!
Oh I loved this. I’m sorry you haven’t found too many of your people in the mommy-blogging world, but I think this series will definitely fill some of that gap for other parents. I know for myself, not even being pregnant or close to it, this still gave me that lovely feeling of kinship that great queer writing often does. So thank you!
Actually there is a nice handful or so of queer and/or trans parent bloggers! They were my saving grace when we first started out on this journey two years ago. But, like us, a lot stopped blogging after a while or after they have their kid. :(
The online forums, unfortunately, are not super full of queer parents, but they are super helpful when I’m like googling: “vulva fell asleep pregnant” like I just did 10 minutes ago. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Thanks for reading, blueberry crumble!
I love this article/list/feelings processing situation. A couple of my good (straight) friends are pregnant, which is very exciting and I love hearing about their experience. But it’s super cool about the experience from a queer person, because I think it does give you such a different perspective on a very traditional act. Excited to hear more about Baby T. Rex if/when you feel like sharing. Oh, and congratulations!
Thanks, marshmallow creme!
It’ll be a biweeekly series, so stay tuned!
My friend and his wife had their first baby a few months ago and, deciding the ultrasound looked like a dino, named him Theodore Rex. Legit. Such a good name. We love our baby T-Rex and wish you so much luck and love with yours!!
Did they actually name him Theodore Rex? Like his real name? Because that’s awesome!
Yep! They call him Theo, but we all know the truth.
This is so so so exciting!!! Babies have always weirded me out, and the (heteronormative) way many new parents approach pregnancy was one of the reasons for it. Your take on it is VERY refreshing!!!! I’m so happy for you, all the weirdness you’re experiencing and the way you are dealing with it and sharing it with the world. Happy to have tuned in that fateful FOT, happier now to have tuned in here :)
Yay! Thanks for reading, pistachio mint ice pop! I’m glad it’s something you can enjoy reading without feeling weird. I also felt weird about it for a long time, which I guess is why I started writing about it…for other weirdos like me!
kaelyn you are way beyond too cute and way beyond amazing and i love this so much
Right back atcha, rhubarb pie!
YAY BABY T-REX! That’s one lucky kiddo.
Thanks, @triciarichards! The fetus is going to Supercinema with us this weekend. It’ll be it’s 5th check-in so far!
Congrats, Kaelyn! This is such exciting news! I found out that I’m pregnant exactly one week after you, so I feel like I’m on a parallel journey. We found out that the assigned sex is boy, but I’m trying as hard as possible to keep things gender-neutral. We pretty much gravitate towards green for everything.
I started feeling baby movement surprisingly early (right at 18 weeks), and I definitely had that same reaction. “Could it be? Could it be? Yes, that’s definitely a kick/ poke!” So much fun.
Best wishes to you and family!
Congratulations, Susan! I’m so excited for you and your family! We can share the journey together. I really enjoy having other queer moms to process with.
Green is a good color! We’re finding ourselves gravitating towards it, too.
Hope you’ll continue to drop by to keep us posted on your progress, toO!
Oh Kaelyn. Although I don’t know you at all, I read all your articles and I’m exceptionally fond of you. I’m so glad that this is happening for you.
Thank you, frosted lemon square!
Congratulations! I’m so happy this is happening. I just found out that I’m pregnant after trying through IUI. Yay queer baby making and tiny dinosaurs!
@Elinor! Congrats! That’s amazing!
SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! <3 much love!
Thanks, V! I’m so sad I won’t see you on the Mt. this year because Baby T. Rex isn’t down for the altitude trip.
i love that you do things like call Waffle “part dino-boi” without any explanation
also that’s so true about the ultrasounds!
stay adorable, i love this
I just spent 20 minutes scouring my laptop for a pic I’m sure I have of Waffle being a baby raptor at an Old County Buffet. Alas, I can’t find it. You’ll just have to believe me.
I discouraged Waffle from posting our ultrasound pics on FB. Like, no one cares except maybe family, let’s be honest.
Kaelyn! This post is amazing. Your words are amazing. You are amazing. I’m reading this blog post in bed with Jessie (my wife) and we are giggling because of your amazing storytelling abilities. I’m so happy you’re baby-ing with Waffle. This is something we’re thinking about doing in the future, too, so it’s really wonderful to have role-models to look up to for all of this. Looking forward to updates, and sending you all the love!!
Love love love love love Whitney
Thank you, Whitney (and Jessie)! A compliment on my story-telling ability coming from a fellow badass literary writer like YOU is totally making me blush. <3
Congrats KaeLyn to you and yours! Thank you for sharing parts of your story!
The heteronormativity of “trying to conceive” is so tricky! My wife and I went to our ivf orientation a few weeks ago and there was no gender neutral language, though our doctor has been good about wanting to learn more about supporting trans* and queer parents. And I have such mixed feeling about such intensive interventions, but without at least some amount of medical involvement my wife and I would not even be able to try to make a baby together. It is important to her to have a child with her genes. But my goodness it is such an emotional roller coaster.
Family-making is an interesting world to navigate in a visibly and out queer relationship, for sure! Part of the reason we ended up veering toward having me be a gestational carrier vs. adoption is that we realized that it’d be harder to get through a home study with a nonbinary trans parent than it would to just fly under the radar at a fertility clinic. I’m pretty sure all our doctors think we’re lesbians–which neither of us identifies primarily as–but that’s fine. Because we are legally married and now legally recognized, we get to just put our names on the birth certificate as “parents” when this little dude pops out. I hope you find lots of support on your journey! Feel free to reach out!
Hey have you seen Dara Yu, the MasterChef Jr. Season One finalist lately? First and only girl for three seasons to make Finals!! Her career has blossomed since the show.
She has staged (interned) at many restaurants in Los Angeles (AOC, Tasting Kitchen, Bouchon, Hakkasan) and NY (Dominique Ansell Bakery and Kitchen and Anisa) . She was asked to the White House after the show, and was the Hershey Holiday girl last holiday season 2015. She created five recipes for Hershey’s and two videos that reside on their website. https://goo.gl/zCsR2I
She has her own web series and then was picked up by DreamWorksTV, where she did three kids cooking shows on youtube.com/DreamWorksTV and then a full season of adult food cooking shows for them that can be seen on the mobile app Verizon go90.
She can be followed on
youtube.com/DaraTheBowGirl
facebook.com/ChefDaraYu
instagram.com/foodforYu
twitter.com/DaraTheBowGirl
I had no idea! I remember her and her amazing hair bows. This is the best!!!
I was so thrilled that both the Season 4 finalists were girls this past year! Even if my favorite didn’t quite make it.
SO EXCITING.
My sister is due the same time as you and we were talking about gender reveal parties (where you get a SECRET CAKE made and the inside is BLUE FOR BOYS or PINK FOR GIRLS and you either cry or don’t cry depending on your internalized bullshit) and how they are dumb because (a) you don’t know a thing about the gender of your child until they are old enough for you to ask them, (b) who cares about the designated sex of your child, (c) gender is stupid.
So we decided that she should have a gender reveal party in which everyone gets to be the gender they want to be and then you eat cake.
Then we realized every party we throw is a gender reveal party.
It was a good day.
YAY for your sis! And for you and your loved ones! Being a cool aunt is my favorite thing.
Gender reveal parties are really awkward to me. Like, I respect people doing what they want and whatever and it’s really just the next logical step from the pink and blue cigar thing. But, uh, yeah, not my thing. I like your version of a gender reveal party. Any excuse to eat cake and respect other people’s gender(s) sounds like a good idea to me.
I had the exact same reaction to maternity pants, especially maternity jeans: why have I not been wearing pants like this my whole life? Why aren’t we ALL wearing pants like this? Why are pants made any other way???
I’m sad to say that my maternity jeans didn’t fit anymore after I was pregnant. I tried Jag and Pajama Jeans and similar jeans but none of them make me as happy as my maternity ones used to.
Also, here’s something really weird: I’m not pregnant anymore, but sometimes I feel a baby kicking inside me. Not the big kicks and flips, but the small ones. Each time I think to myself, “Oh, there’s the baby — no, wait, there’s no baby in there!” I posted this on Facebook once and was surprised to realize how common this is among people who have been pregnant. Totally weird.
Love reading your updates!
I hope my maternity jeans will carry me over. I guess it depends if I remain “bump-shaped” naturally after giving birth. I do tend to carry my weight in the front, so fingers crossed! You might want to try teggings, which are super stretchy high-waist leggings. They are the closest thing I’ve worn to maternity pants before maternity pants.
PHANTOM BABY KICKS! WOAH. That’s so weird!
Revisiting this to say, I have been window shopping for adorable baby stuff online and I’m not even married yet (which is a goal of mine before having kids) and I blame you Kaelyn! I blame you!
Heeheehee. I take no responsibility for your actions, but I hope you found some cute things. Even if I’ve never been 100% gung-ho about babies, baby clothing is just the cutest. I’ve always loved shopping for my friends with kiddos!
See this a moment where I’m super glad that I don’t know you IRL Kaelyn because I’m like the living breathing embodiment of that pregnancy/babies book that gives expecting gestational peoples anxiety and TMI de Google.
I would either have to avoid you or put my fist in my mouth all the time and get like scabbies on my knuckles from my teeth or something.
Helpful Not Scary Things I Promise:
Um I don’t know if this would mess with your glucose but for hydration: Coconut Water.
Also power-aid and pediatric electrolyte popsicles however I think those might have a higher chance of messing with your glucose b/c of refined sugar or what.
And use a hydrating lip product in addition to moisturizing your skin with lotion if the hydration issue is drying out your skin.
Uggggh the drinking all day and being tied to the toilet/almost peeing yourself thing, quite familiar with that cause of the steroid and expectorant medications during my Hives Saga.
At least it’s just that and not puking too.
Oh another thing sour stuff eases nausea in case you randomly have that despite your lack of morning sickness you lucky ducky.
Yummy Earth Lollipops are great for that on the go, but again glucose concerns maybe?
Someone make your wee dino something that says RAWR on it please.
Would be almost as cute as baby booties.
Oh no dino themed baby booties.
I woke the pups with my squeal of realisation. >-<
It’s fine. I’m actually comforted by having too much info. I want to know as much as possible and I enjoy hearing about other people’s experiences! I don’t enjoy people telling me how I should feel or what I will feel, but I love hearing about the diversity of experiences around parenting and childbirth!
I LOVE COCONUT WATER. I have been drinking it less because of blood sugar reasons, but that and aloe juice are some of my favorite rehydration staples, when I’m not diabetic.
Are you ready to squeal again? We’re getting something like this for newborn pictures because we can’t help ourselves. They makes ones with dino feet booties!
That’s the thing though I’ve never been preggers but I have studied human gestation like some kind of macabre hobby. I don’t know anything helpful directly gestational for pregnant person unless they want a panic attack or want the grossest details/worst case scenario.
Somehow I think I can blame Disney and the Missing Mom for this.
Aw fooie I was right sugar reason, but at least you know it exists!
Ooh but red beans and (brown)rice, it’s like the dish of my people and would be good fer you. Season the beans with garlic powder low sodium Tony Chachere’s original recipe if you can find it.
I thought I was ready, I was not ready.
So cute I can’t even…I’ve been slayed by dino knitwear.
KaeLyn, I’m so happy for you and your spouse! You’re a wonderful person and I have no doubt you’ll be a wonderful mom.
Thanks, moon pie! I’m gonna’ be a real “mama shark”!
KaeLyn! I came back here to re-read this article because you know, interested in all things conception at the moment.
And I was shocked! The first time I read this I knew nothing about hormones, mature eggs and fertility, really. Now that I take Clomid myself, this looks totally different. You’re really brave for trying with three mature eggs in the “abyss”. Maybe that’s another difference between treatments in the US vs. Europe? Here, they generally recommend NOT to try getting pregnant with more than two mature eggs. And quite honestly, I don’t think I’d do it. Two eggs, yes. Three, nope. Were you concerned about the possibility of having twins or triplets at all?
Anyways, with my luck in fertility (read: none) I’m sure I’d end up with triplets in this scenario.
@maria, yeah! We were not intending to have multiples. We were committed to making it work no matter what happened, but we were hoping for one and we got one. That said, I know plenty of folks who had twins, especially when using fertility treatments, and they’re really happy! I can imagine there would be some really cool things that are special about having twins or triplets and they always have a buddy to play with!
They didn’t really make a big deal out of my having three eggs ready to go at the place I went. I wasn’t worried too much because no one told me to be worried about it?
@kaelynrich thank you for answering! this is really nice. :)
I think I just read somewhere that it’s not recommended to go with three eggs. But your story actually helps me look at the positive sides of Clomid again (right now I am dealing with a cyst, so that’s kind of stressful). And it hasn’t come up in my treatment so far.
I think once you’re in the situation that you need fertility treatment, you kind of take what you get? I would be thrilled if I got pregnant soon. So what if it’s twins. I’d like to have just one because I want to concentrate on one baby at a time, but we’ll manage I am sure.
Same with the actual date of birth. If my next cycle is successful, it’ll be at the end of December. Half a year ago I thought I would skip the December/January cycles but nope. Babies come when they come.
Anyways, it is so good that you (and other writers on AS) shared and keep sharing your stories about fertility and being queer parents. I can’t begin to express how much I appreciate it. <3
I’m sorry you’re dealing with a cyst, @maria. Ugh. That really sucks.
I was hard-set on natural-ish conception a.k.a. no drugs for the first round when I was planning to get knocked up. Once I actually stepped foot in a doctor’s office, I changed my tune. The reality is so different that the ideal vision and, for me, I also was like “I’ll take what I can get!” once I was really in it.
One of my friends has twins and absolutely wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m a bit jealous, actually, that their kids always have a playmate. On days that I work from home and don’t have a babysitter, I legit plop my toddler in front of the TV and I can tell it’s frustrating and lonely for her, even if I’m right nearby and she’s great at playing independently. It would be cool for her to have a friend built-in to hang out with! Also, twin stuff is really cool development-wise. I’m fascinated by how they start communicating with each other essentially out of the womb!
Anyway, I digress, but I wish you the best of luck and that you start to feel more in-control of your body again soon. Or, well, that you get pregnant, completely lose control of your body in service of growing a human, and then get it back…eventually. LOL. In other words, I wish you well no matter what happens next!