feature image photo by Christopher Polk/Billboard via Getty Images

The 2024 MTV VMAs aired last night, and Taylor Swift sure did win a lot of them. I love the VMAs, because they’re basically just one big concert with all the pop stars of the moment and because the 2003 VMAs made me gay, as I assume they did for an entire generation of dykes. While two pop stars sadly did not kiss last night, there were still some queer highlights, and I’m here to recap those for you!

Megan Thee Stallion Hosts 2024 VMAs

For starters, the awards show was hosted by bisexual rap star Megan Thee Stallion. She absolutely slayed as both host and performer. She performed a medley that included “BOA”, “HISS” and “B.A.S.” from her new self-titled album as well as her super-viral hit “Mamushi,” which she brought out Japanese rapper Yuki Chiba for.

Megan also paid tribute to Britney Spears — who should honestly be regarded as the Queen of the VMAs — by recreating her iconic “I’m a Slave 4 U” look at the 2001 VMAs, live boa constrictor and all. Bisexual artist Halsey also performed as part of the evening’s festivities, channeling a grunge rock look and sound with a stage set designed to look like someone’s garage.

Doechii — whose new album you should listen to right now — was brought onto stage to perform with Katy Perry, and while they didn’t kiss, they did simulate scissoring as part of their choreography. Both the Swamp Princess and the Midwest Princess made sure it was a very gay evening, which brings us to…

Chappell Roan Wins Best New Artist Award at 2024 VMAs

Chappell Roan of course made things very gay with her VMAs debut, arriving to the red carpet in a full medieval getup including a long sheer gown, gorgeous green and gold robe, and a literal sword. She said sword lesbians, this one’s for you. And the look was just a teaser for what was to come, all of Chappell’s looks throughout the evening in conversation with each other. She loves a theme!!

Chappell Roan’s own hero Sasha Colby — whose line “your favorite drag queen’s favorite drag queen” inspired Chappell’s “your favorite artist’s favorite artist” tag — introduced her performance for the evening. “Your favorite drag queen’s favorite artist, here is my daughter Chappell Roan,” Sasha said.

Her performance of “Good Luck Babe” was theatrical and stunning. She went full Joan of Arc, donning armor and wielding a crossbow armed with a fiery arrow that she literally shot on stage. I’m not usually a sucker for cool pyrotechnics, but this stunt worked on me. As she sang, knights danced behind her doing sword choreography. She set the drama bar high, and it was easily the best performance of the night. See for yourself:

And then the Chappell cherry on top came later in the evening when she won Best New Artist. She was up against Benson Boone, Gracie Abrams, Shaboozey, Teddy Swims, and Tyla, but it seemed inconceivable that anyone other than Chappell would land the award given her meteoric rise this summer. Her acceptance speech was a highlight of the evening, Chappell returning to stage in a chainmail look equipped with a cunty headpiece. I need more pop artists showing up at this level of camp and fashion.

and it’s too good to excerpt, so I’m just going to transcribe the whole thing! (She also, endearingly, read it directly out of her diary.)

Can you believe it? We’re at the VMAs! I’m gonna read from, I wrote a speech, I’m gonna read from my diary. Thank you MTV and Island Records and my team and my family and friends. I dedicate this to all the drag artists who inspire me, who inspire me. And I dedicate this to queer and trans people that fuel pop. To the gays who dedicate my songs to someone they love or hate. And thank you to the people who are fans who listen to me, who hear me when I share my joy and my fears. Thank you for listening to me. And for all the queer kids in the Midwest watching right now, I see you, I understand you, because I’m one of you, and don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t be exactly who you wanna be, bitch.

Best performance AND best speech? The 2024 VMAs belonged to Chappell Roan and host extraordinaire Megan Thee Stallion.

Sabrina Carpenter also made out with an alien in a dress during her performance, which feels important to note. Not quite on the level of the Britney x Xtina x Madonna kiss from 2003, but definitely a fun campy moment of the night.

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