Breaking news broke today that yesterday evening, while attending a basketball-centric sporting event in the fine city of New York, recently-out actress Michelle Rodriguez and her very attractive companion, model Cara Delevingne, engaged in drunken antics including but not limited to posing for selfies, slouching and “making out.”
Don’t turn around right now but there is a zombie behind you trying to eat your hair
The New York Daily News editorialized the event by headlining “Michelle Rodriguez makes spectacle of herself” for their hard-hitting piece on the Legendary Canoodle. Many anonymous queer women, speaking to me telepathically over the internet, declared that “this is the best spectacle I have seen since the Spectacular Spectacular in Moulin Rouge.” Others disagreed, preferring the classic film’s “Spectacular Spectacular” to two attractive women smoking e-cigarettes while dressed like high-fashion interpretations of “life after death.”
Whoah bro you’re like the fucking caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland right now
The Daily News noted that Rodriguez was “clearly intoxicated” and “was caught on camera in the steamy session during the fourth quarter of the game.” Furthermore, they report that “her antics elicited jeers and cheers as spectators watched in amusement.”
Yes, yes, that’s it, just keep rubbing right there…
Independent research confirms that The Knicks, much like All of Lesbiankind, won last night’s game. Despite my personal lifelong dedication to The Detroit Pistons, I am not mad at this situation.
LET THE FINGERBANGING BEGIN!
Refinery29 offered a more liberal and exciting version of the event, noting “legs and arms were akimbo, hair was messed up, and sitting upright in a chair seemed nigh impossible. All in all, the two seemed to enjoy mugging for the paps and getting their smooch on, which is totally kosher — except for the poor saps who were stuck sitting behind them.”
Ugh, Brittney Griner could run circles around these fools
“There was action on the court, for sure, but the real action was in the stands,” writes colorful newspaper USA Today.
Sweet lord your shampoo smells like strawberries in a meadow
Despite reports from several reputable news sources that M-Rod and C-Dev were “making out,” we cannot locate photographic evidence of any tongue-kissing or breast-grabbing occurring at the game. Entertainment Weekly has referred to the romantic interactions between the pair as a “sloppy kiss.”
Whaddya say after this we go home and watch Bette/Tina fanvids on YouTube and update our social justice tumblrs
Some photographs do suggest that tongue-kissing made its way onto their salacious agenda. Ethically shaky website Perez Hilton confirms “Yes, with tongue!”
This was the night Michelle and Cara finally learned that you can’t do blowbacks with e-cigarettes
At some point during the game, Michelle Rodriguez placed a voodoo spell on an unidentified white male.
Hell yeah I’m a slayer
Following the invigorating basketball game, the two women were spotted practicing a unique fusion of Tae-Bo and The Self-Defense Class I Took In Girl Scouts outside the arena.
We call this the “Pre-Scissoring Warm Up and Stretch Out”
Although there is no official word on Cara’s sexual orientation, she has previously enjoyed innocent lip-locks with other females such as Sienna Miller and Miley Cyrus, and has entertained lesbionic rumors concerning her friendships with Rita Ora and Rihanna.
MORE TONGUE!
Michelle Rodriguez recently disclosed her attraction for women to Entertainment Weekly in a groundbreaking move that garnered a significant amount of traffic to this website. The exact nature of her relationship with Cara remains characterized as “a friendship,” but many straight women have noted that sexual orientation would not impede their desire to engage in tribadism with Ms. Rodriguez.
If any further developments occur, you can rest assured that we will be “on it,” much like M-Rod’s leg was “on” C-Dev’s leg last night.
I want these pictures as my FB cover photo, phone background, and desktop screensaver.
i have since made these pictures my FB cover photo and it feels so right
I had just finished making this my phone background when I read this comment. =)
What is it about basketball? I remember drunkenly making out with a girl at a WNBA game back in the day. Seemed like the right thing to do.
I want that skull sweater and also to make out with models in public
yeah super into that sweater, probs should be queer outfit of the week next week
Ditto.
Ohhhhh my god, I actually cried tears reading this and I can’t tell if it was from laughing so much or because this is a beautiful and overwhelming moment in queermo history.
(Probably both).
I read it as “Clea DuVall” and almost had a heart attack.
I almost feel bad for her. For some who’s so private and skittish I bet she’s freaking out. Not too much I hope. Her girlfriend is effin gorgeous.
Michelle’s facial expressions are priceless, but why does Cara look perfect in every photo?
I think the official name for her facial expressions is drunk-as-fuckin-skunk.
I have worn it occasion.
Cara’s a model right? Maybe chalk it up to being really good at her job? Or maybe it’s a tiny bit harder for her to drink in public as she looks all of 16. Now I feel bad for perving on her… Ugh
she’s 21
I have been reloading autostraddle all day at work waiting for this site’s take on this event. Unsurprisingly, this has been BY FAR the best of the 6 articles I’ve read on this subject today.
Sweet Lord, indeed. See, Michelle, how freeing being out can be?
this article!
OMG, they look like a hot mess. A very, very hot mess. <3
Is it just me or is the lady behind them yelling at them in the first picture?
this is the best publicity e-cigarettes have ever had
Oh damn, that killed me with laughter.
I don’t know what to love more: their hotness, the captions of the photos, or the face/expression of the old man in front of them.
I opened my free morning commuter paper on the London tube this morning and saw a picture of Cara Delevingne at her “first ever basketball game” looking cosy with Rhianna! At the time I thought that was quite a hot pairing, and was quite pleased with the editors choice to include this in my morning but now…
A) who would publish pictures of Cara and Rhianna just giggling when you could have Cara and Michelle making out??
B) just how many basketball dates has Cara Delevingne been on this week?
Yes! But free evening commuter newspaper had caught up…
that’ll teach me to get stuck on the pages about immigration and the economy!
I love all of this so much. The captions though. They make it.
These pictures are my life right now. Michelle Rodriguez is my first and only celebrity crush. I was obsessed with her as a fit and fierce female boxer, but the sight of her red faced and sloppy drunk makes me swoon.
loving this so hard right now
this article was so well-written i was able to look away from the pictures to read the words. i think that says a lot.
i love the word ‘akimbo’
also, this was shitballs hilarious.
riese this kicking stretch thing looks a lot like your gazelle run. like a cousin to the gazelle run.
this is the kind of quality journalism that keeps me coming back here.
yes. more, please.
The last sentence makes me feel safe. Very, very safe.
that photo of michele when you captioned ” i’m a slayer” is too much
Any article with a reference to Alice in Wonderland is A++ in my book.
It helps that their drunkenness was kind of adorable.
cackling
this is perfection
Thank you, Riese, for bringing us this hard-hitting journalism.
This gives me pause. Not the making out (go team!) but the fact the MRod has struggled with substance abuse in the past. I don’t know where she stands on that, but it would be really sad to see her coming out coincide with her falling off again.
Ya this sentiment exactly.
I hope she is healthy so that I can enjoy the epic gayness of this smugly.
ugh this sounds terrible
I want her to be healthy cause I want everyone to be healthy and wish the best for her AND ALSO so I can enjoy this epic gayness. #priorities
My birthday wish came early! Michelle fan for years. And her doing voodoo hex on the white dude. Priceless
“At some point during the game, Michelle Rodriguez placed a voodoo spell on an unidentified white male.” I died.
As someone who ONLY goes to sporting events to drink in the early afternoons without judgment, I support all of this.
I need more people like you in my life.
Second pic with the smoke ring… UNNNF! I also enjoy how they are essentially rounding second base on top of people’s laps and with weird men sitting in front of them that are PRETENDING to not be in heaven. Props to those men for such strength because if it were me IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A VERY DIFFERENT REACTION LEMME TELL YOU. I would have brought shame to my family name today with these photos blasted all over everyone’s cover photos and background pictures.
I feel a sudden need to hang out with Michelle Rodriguez
When you can’t decide which hat you like more, the red or blue one, wear both.
I hope everyone sees this comment because it’s my favorite.
*drools* thank you
EVERYTHING
You know when you have those moments *sniffs* when you are just one girl kiss away to be *takes a moment* so happy that something exists so drunk and beautiful…and drunk….
*whisper cries*
This is it.
This is the second time I’ve looked at this and I’m still laughing at it. The best thing I’ve read today.
Am I the only one who finds this whole incident straight-up offensive? As a bisexual woman who hates labeling myself as such because of all the shit that comes with it, this little piece out of entertainment gossip made me tear up in anger. I’m constantly arguing against the stereotype of us being slutty attention whores, and that’s exactly what these photos smack of. If they were just being drunk and making out, it would be great, but look at how they’re clearly getting off on the attention. They don’t even look like they’re enjoying it. I feel like this kind of exposure contributes to our marginalization. It makes me not even want to sleep with men because they expect that girls who want to fuck other girls also want to fuck them. Yeah, if you’re a straight up lesbian, you can laugh this off and say “dream on,” but for those of us who DO sleep with men, it’s a problem. I was also obsessed with M-Rod through a good chunk of my childhood and was so excited when she recently came out.
Please someone tell me I’m wrong so I can stop experiencing heartbreak and rage every time something like this comes up. Just talk to me and help me understand. Sorry if this is incoherent, but I’m so upset I just want to cry (my hormones are off, so that’s not helping)
I get where you’re coming from, I really do. I am all-genders attracted myself and have definitely had these feels in the past about other people.
But to say “ugggghhhh they’re just doing it for the attteennnntion” is also a) making some pretty big assumptions – really, they just look drunk to me and b) …so what if they are? That’s their choice. They’re grown-ass women and they can do what they want.
It’s not our problem if people see one bisexual woman and assume they’re looking at all bisexual women. I mean, we can make the disconnect with straight people “behaving badly”, so I reckon it’s on them to get over their shitty assumptions.
Thank you. I was feeling a tad dramatic when I wrote that. You’re right… I can’t do anything about what they choose to do. It’s just so vexing when lesbians say (right in front of me) that they would never date a bisexual because they’re flaky and slutty. I can’t help projecting sometimes
M Rod was in the closet for a REALLY long time. Maybe this means that’s she’s finally at a point where she doesn’t give a fuck who knows that she likes to make out with other women. I’m happy for her.
yes that was my feeling exactly. because i went through the same stuff. eerily familiar. upside: no regrets the next morning because it was so freeing.
I’ve never been more proud to be a Knicks fan.
I knew there was a reason why I liked Michelle Rodriguez ;)
I died. That guy! The one who got voo-doo spelled. He’s absolutely priceless!
best coverage of a celebrity citing I ever had
I think it’s pretty shitty that they have to see all this coverage of their drunken moment (or maybe I’m the one that feels a bit unconfortable with too-public-too-drunken displays of affection), but I’m having so much fun with the captions it’s almost worth it.
yo if i had taken my time reading the comments, i woulda seen that you wrote exactly my feelings. xo
Haha it happens! :D
i think i’d love this way more if mz. rodriguez didn’t look so WBW, you know? like imagine being trashed out your damn mind, sloppy as all hell, and then the pics of that being everywhere. and THAT’S how everyone gets to see you making out w a model.
I’m kind of a fash heaux junkie and I follow the IG pages of every chick blessed by Lagerfeld, Bailey, Slimane, Pilati, and the like. And Cara is 6 months from being the new Freja Beha. The girl loving vibes are strong with that Delevingne.
“Whaddya say after this we go home and watch Bette/Tina fanvids on YouTube and update our social justice tumblrs”
laughs!
Wait what this is the chick the that sported the Rita’s wifey… and could that insinuate that Rita is bi… duh duh dun. Sorry, fangirling a bit. Love Rita.
Voudou is a religion; Michelle Rodriguez is just drunk (and sexxxxxy).