It’s Boobs on Your Tube time! Firstly and most importantly, Carmen invites you to: SAY HELLO TO YOUR FRIENDS, BABY-SITTER’S CLUB! Also this week, Kayla on why The Good Fight is the best show you’re not watching, Cheryl Blossom’s quest to have the top gang in town, and Broad City’s even gayer final season. Natalie brilliantly recapped an awesomely feminist episode of Good Trouble. Riese ran down a list of 15 shows that put queer women first. Heather taught you how not to have a party, according to lesbian TV’s worst parties. And Valerie is hosting an FRIDAY OPEN THREAD about all these reboots!

A few notes:

+#FightforWynonna #RenewODAAT — Valerie Anne

+ I’ve found five new family members to binge One Day at a Time. Will you take the challenge with me and find five friends or family members of your own? We’re in this together. #RenewODAAT — Carmen

+ Shondaland properties For the People, featuring Kate Littlejohn, the Paris Gellar-esque queer federal prosecutor, and Station 19, with Maya Bishop, the bisexual badass Olympian, turned firefighter, return next week! — Natalie

grown-ish 210: “Wild’N Cuz I’m Young”

Written by Natalie

We all saw this coming. After Professor Paige Hewson Shane hit Nomi with the rhetorical equivalent of a “u up?” text, the writing was on the wall: they were heading for a hook-up. This week, we took a big step closer to that inevitability.

With their finals mostly behind them, Zoey, Vivek and the twins turn up at Cal U’s biggest party of the year ready for a night of debauchery. Well, except Zoey, who is only there to dip her toes in the debauchery before heading home to study for her final final the next day. As they toast the end of the semester, the crew realizes they’re missing some folks so Zoey shoots a text to Ana and Nomi to find out where they are. Turns out both of them are off being hella problematic: Ana’s busy hooking up with Zoey’s ex-boyfriend behind everyone’s back and Nomi’s completing her weeklong tour of queer culture (a Roxane Gay talk!) with her professor.

Car Talk

Sitting in Shane’s car, outside her apartment building, Nomi checks Zoey’s text and then, promptly, tosses her phone aside. Shane asks about the text and Nomi explains that Zoey’s at the “rager of the year” and wants her to come join the party. Shane encourages her to go and have fun but Nomi wants to extend their time together for just a little bit longer. While Shane is down with that idea, she doesn’t want to monopolize all Nomi’s time.

“Yeah, but what if I want to?” Nomi asks in a way which, at once, feels like an answer about the night’s itinerary and also about where Nomi wants to take this relationship.

“Nomi, these are the best four years you’re ever gonna get,” her professor advises. “You’re here to experience life, not just talk about it in a classroom. Go do it.”

Nomi relents and agrees to go to the party, with a promise to text afterwards (a text chain that will, inevitably, start with “u up?”). She goes to open the car door and rethinks her decision, turning back towards Shane. Nomi leans forward, clearly wanting to kiss her professor, but she loses her nerve and retreats. But before she can withdraw fully, Shane pulls Nomi into a kiss.

Crying, laughing, loving, etc.

The next time we see Nomi, she’s stumbling into Zoey’s room, intoxicated by the high of a new romance. She collapses on the bed and professes that she’s “deeply in like.” Nomi’s clearly smitten even though they haven’t hooked up yet and Zoey appreciates how big an admission that is for the heretofore commitment-phobic Nomi. But when Zoey asks if Nomi wants to talk about it, she declines — no need to jinx it — and, instead, Nomi convinces Zoey to head back to the party, echoing Shane’s advice about experiencing life.

Somebody needs a quick Skype with Carmen de la Pica Morales.

So… that happened…

It’s hard to know where grown-ish will go from here. Emily Arlook’s post-show interview gave me hope that the show recognizes that a line’s been crossed but the episode itself left me questioning how they’d tackle it moving forward. As Zoey notes, this is a big moment for Nomi’s character: she genuinely likes someone. However problematic, whatever the power discrepancy, she’s found someone who really sees her for the first time in her life… and that’s huge… except in this episode, it’s not really treated that way. It’s sandwiched between storylines that are far less consequential.

But also? Does the professor recognize how inappropriate their relationship is? If not, why and, if so, also: whyyyyyy?! You don’t sit outside someone’s building in a car without tinted windows, surrounded by students headed to the Party of the Year, and make out with a co-ed for 90+ minutes if you think your behavior is wrong or might result being fired. If only Shane’s best friend, former Cal U Art School Dean, Bette Porter, was here to give her some advice….

Legacies 112: “There’s a Mummy on Main Street”

Written by Valerie Anne

Have I mentioned lately how much I’m loving Legacies? Because I am. This week’s was no exception, and just when I was about to close my Google doc where I take Boob Tube notes after the fun jaunt of this week’s Spring Break episode, it got so gay I could write a novel about it.

Throughout the bulk of the episode, Lizzie is giving Hope so much shit for things she blames Hope for that happened over the years, specifically spring breaks she thinks Hope ruined. Like the time Lizzie got sick and assumed she caught it from Hope, or the year Hope set her bedroom on fire and Alaric had to stay behind to clean it up. But Hope insists she didn’t set her own bedroom on fire, nor half the other things Lizzie blames her for, including the horrible things Lizzie claims Hope said about her “episodes.”

Josie had remained pointedly silent during this spats until the end of the episode when it finally came to light that she was the one who told Lizzie that Hope said horrible things about her. When they get back to school, Hope and Lizzie confront Josie to see what gives.

The thing is, Josie had a crush on Hope. And every time Josie had a crush on someone, Lizzie would go after them too, and always win them over first. So instead of letting on that she had a crush on Hope, Josie did the opposite and not only pretended she didn’t like her, but made sure Lizzie wouldn’t either by making up stories of horrible things Hope said. One night, Josie slipped a letter confessing her crush under Hope’s door, but immediately regretted it. She tried to shoot a little spell under the door to burn the note, but overshot and caused the fire that destroyed Hope’s room.

Hope had every right to be pissed. She could have screamed at Josie or told her never to talk to her again. She could have stormed away. But instead she looks at Josie carefully and says, “You had a crush on me?” with a bit of a shy smile.

Can you imagine telling someone you had a crush on them and then having them SMILE AT YOU LIKE THIS

And Josie, with the nostalgic pain of unrequited love, and the relief of letting go of a secret she’s carried for years, breathes out that of course she did. “Who wouldn’t?” and returns Hope’s quiet smile.

PENELOPE WHO

So not only did this reveal that my Josie/Hope dreams could come true in this reality and not just the one Jinni-created alternate universe, but it also confirms that all three of these women are canon queer in this universe. Right? Josie wouldn’t have been worried about Lizzie going after Hope if Lizzie was totally straight? I remember reading once that all the teens on this show were sexually fluid, but that’s a thing people say about teens sometimes, so I didn’t expect it to express itself so explicitly and yet so casually. I’m obsessed.

How to Get Away With Murder 515: “Please Say No One Else Is Dead”

Written by Natalie

After I watched an early screener of HTGAWM‘s season finale, I sent my TV team colleague, Carmen, a short message: “The Castillos are the B613 of HTGAWM.”

If you’re unfamiliar, B613 was the covert government agency that controls (seemingly) the entire world, first acknowledged in Scandal‘s second season. At first, it was okay — it gave us a profound insight into who Huck was — but then the writers fell in love with that plot device and started using it absolutely everywhere. B163 swallowed the show whole. The writers didn’t need to be creative anymore: they could craft as many OMG plot twists as they wanted because they never had to worry about the ending making sense. They could just blame everything on B613. It was awful.

And that’s where we are on HTGAWM too: writers taking too much joy in crafting one plot twist after another without worrying about anything making sense because, at the end of it all, they can just blame the Castillos.

Note to kidnappers: Keep Laurel but give Christopher back.

“Everyone’s dead! Nate’s father, Wes, they’re all dead because of you!” Annalise yells early in the season finale… and while, at that moment, it’s a condemnation of Laurel, it’s also, more broadly, a condemnation of this writing team which has, over three seasons and 45 episodes blamed every bad thing that’s happened on the Castillos. A family that, aside from Laurel, has only appeared in ten of those episodes, is supposed to be this BIG BAD who controls everything, including every single Philadelphia District Attorney and the governor?!

How am I supposed to be afraid of someone I rarely even see? And if the Castillos are so powerful, why is the patriarch in prison? And how is Laurel’s brother, Xavier, sly enough to evade discovery by the FBI but then outs his entire plan to Annalise like a bad Scooby Doo villain? None of this makes any sense…absolutely none of it.

But, as frustrating as this episode was, it did offer some good moments for Annalise and Tegan, who are truly serving justice like a well-dressed Batman and Robin. As I said last week, I’m really trying to let go of any hopes I have for the flirtatious banter between these two to actually lead somewhere because I’m tired of being Charlie Brown to Pete Nowalk’s Lucy, but I do appreciate Tegan’s new role as Annalise’s best friend. Annalise needs more people around her that aren’t trying to manipulate her or get something from her.

After receiving Emmett’s phone records from the governor, the FBI shows up at Caplan & Gold to arrest the firm’s managing partner. Annalise tries to recruit Tegan to help Emmett but the second she hears about the Castillos involvement, Tegan refuses. Annalise shows up to rescue Emmett with a video of Xavier Castillo visiting Nate Sr. in prison and assurances about the phone records being fraudulent. But when the FBI produces a recording from Emmett’s office of Tegan and Annalise proclaiming Emmett’s guilt — making Annalise an ineffectual counsel — she has to reach out to Tegan again for help.

Clearly afraid for her life, Tegan resists and Annalise gives her a pep talk, “Tegan, we are too strong and too smart to let these bastards scare the fight out of us. Or is that just me?”

Looking fine doing it, indeed.

It’s enough to get Tegan on-side and the next time we see her, she’s at the FBI office, sitting next to Emmett… only, she’s not here as an attorney, she’s here as a material witness in the case. She offers proof that phone records can and have been doctored by the Castillos. She offers to testify under oath to the evidence’s veracity but Emmett warns that it could get her disbarred. Tegan reminds him, and the FBI agents, that it’s only a disbarrable offense if the secret gets out. It’s enough to convince the agents of Emmett’s innocence so he’s released and the pair head back to C&G to toast their win and commiserate over the threat the Castillos still pose. Emmett pours them both a glass of scotch but Tegan’s a gin drinker so she heads back to her office to her bottle so they can drink together.

Once she returns to her office, though, Tegan catches a speech from the governor, pointing the finger in the Miller investigation back at Emmett. Tegan calls Annalise to alert her to the news and wonders what to do now…she’s supposed to head back upstairs and get drunk with her boss. Annalise tells her she’s on her way and tells Tegan to keep Emmett calm until she arrives. And then this happens:

Tegan: Who’s gonna keep me calm?
Annalise: You are my rock. Stop panicking.
Tegan: Can I come sleep at your place tonight, then? ‘Cause you know Jorge’s probably sending his hitman over right now.
Annalise: I’m not gonna let that happen.

Then, Annalise turns around, only to discover that Laurel has disappeared from the bustling sidewalk, and then, after calling Frank, learns that Christopher has been taken from his crib. And unbeknownst to her or Tegan, Emmett’s lying on his office floor, clutching his chest, having presumably been poisoned by his scotch.

Quick Hits

All American 113: “Legacy”

Cooooop

Last we saw Coop, she was firmly committed to her plan of avenging Shawn’s death by infiltrating the gang and turning them against Tyrone, despite the fact that she’s got so much more to lose now if this plan goes sideways. This week, we find her really starting to put that plan in motion: trying to earn the loyalties of the other guys in the crew and sowing seeds of doubt about Shawn’s death in their minds. For the most part, she’s able to cloak her actions from a paranoid Tyrone but Preach — the gang’s new driver who’s fresh out of lock-up — sees what she’s up to and issues her a stern warning, via parable.

Preach spent his time in prison reading Greek mythology and regales Coop with the story of the Trojan War, “They build a wooden horse so they can take them down from the inside.” Coop notes that the plan sounds smart and Preach throws an epic side-eye in her direction. I didn’t think it was possible for this plan to get any worse but IT ABSOLUTELY HAS. — Natalie

Siren 206: “Distress Call”

On this week’s Siren, Ryn killed a man for Maddie. If that’s not true love, I don’t know what is. The problem is, she didn’t know the laws of the land. She saw the woman she loved was in danger, and she defended her. But when Maddie’s father explains that there are rules and breaking them has consequences, Ryn starts to feel bad that she made a mess for Maddie. But Maddie holds Ryn close and kisses her and and tells her that Ryn saved her life and she appreciates it, and she’s worth any trouble she causes.

“What’s a fire and why does it, what’s the word, buuuurn?”

There was other mermaid drama, but that was it for the #hornyformermaids shenanigans! — Valerie Anne

Roswell, New Mexico 106: “Smells Like Teen Spirit”

Y’ALL IS ROSWELL GAY OR NOT HELP ME OUT! I think Isabelle’s weird blackout alter ego was in love with Rosa but also do I even want that to be true because I think that same alter ego also KILLED Rosa and either way Rosa is for sure dead so that means we’d have two queer women on the show and one is dead and the other is a murderer and that’s the BEST rep I’ve ever seen but also when they held hands on the billboard ledge my heart raced BECAUSE I’M ONLY A HUMAN LESBIAN I AM WEAK okay thanks for listening I look forward to reading your takes on this situation PS Maria is queer too right great okay bye. :deep breath: — Valerie Anne

THEY MIGHT AS WELL BE LINKING PINKIES FFS

Boomerang 104: “Call a Spade”

We’ll have a full catch up next week, but just to prepare you – Tia has a new girlfriend, Rocky. She is funny and supportive and protective. She’s played by Kim Alex Hall and looks like this, so you should definitely catch up:

View this post on Instagram

Vulnerability isn’t weakness, it’s strength. Vulnerability doesn’t need validation because it’s truth. Vulnerability is self-love. ❤️ #selfreminder

A post shared by Kim Alex Hall (@kimalexhall) on Feb 27, 2019 at 10:20am PST

Rocky will also be featured in this Tuesday’s episode, so if you have been waiting to binge watch Boomerang until it got fully gay, NOW IS YOUR TIME! See you next week Friday to fully dig in all the details. — Carmen

Grey’s Anatomy 1515: “We Didn’t Start the Fire”

Did you hear the good news? On Thursday night Grey’s Anatomy officially took over ER’s spot and became the longest running primetime medical drama on television. Shonda & Co had been chasing the record for years, but our day has finally come. And how did they decide to celebrate?

Surprise. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.

With the CLIFFHANGER RETURN OF DOCTOR ORGASM!! THAT’S HOW!!! Welcome Home Catrina DeLuca, we missed you. — Carmen

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