Welcome back, Bat Fam! It’s time for your recap of the mid-season finale (?!?!) of Batwoman, so let’s dive right in, shall we?

Previously on Batwoman, MARY IS POISON IVY!! Ahem, sorry. Also, we learned that thanks to the OG Joker, Marquis has been on his way to a full-blown sociopathic Joker 2.0.

Speaking of Marquis, we open with him and Ryan (looking DOPE in a leather cap) meeting up in an abandoned parking garage, aka the place where nothing shady ever happens. Not only have the two been planning a covert merger behind their mother’s back, but they’ve also been working on a fly sibling handshake! They’re soon swarmed by vehicles, Marquis is apprehended, and out pops one Ms. Jada Mae (a nickname I learned this week and am OBSESSED with). Turns out, Jada promised Ryan a favor in exchange for her help going behind Marquis’ back.

“You better not screw me over, because Sophie will never let me hear the end of it.”

Like clockwork, as soon as I forget that Vesper Fairchild is a person, BAM! She shows up again. This time, she’s reporting on multiple Poison Ivy crime scenes throughout the city.

MORNING AFTER SOPHIE! I REPEAT, MORNING AFTER SOPHIE!! Our girl is nursing a bit of a hangover after what I can only imagine to be a…therapeutic…night with Renee Montoya. The only sign of Ray Ray though, is the note she left for Sophie giving her free reign over whatever she might find in the fridge. Can you imagine having SOPHIE MOORE in your bed and just…leaving? I love you Montoya, but it couldn’t be me. Soph blearily checks her phone and whatever she sees is enough for her to bolt out of bed.

“What do you mean Kristen Stewart is engaged?!”

She heads directly to Wayne Tower, flabbergasted that Mary is Poison Ivy. Sophie immediately asks about a cure as Ryan strolls in, again, looking FOINE, and tells them Jada’s working on it. Listen, I don’t know what they’re putting in the water up in Vancouver, but I swear everyone on this show just gets more attractive every week. At the mention of Jada, Sophie rolls her eyes and reiterates that there’s no way Jada’s doing this for nothing.

No jokes. Just Wildmoore eye contact.

And Soph isn’t wrong, because we see Marquis hooked up to a bunch of machines getting ready to begin the freezing process. While they wait, Jada’s scientists are switching gears to work on a cure for Mary’s infection.

Down in the Batcave, Ryan apologizes for not telling Luke and Sophie about Marquis sooner, but she just wanted to protect them from him. Sophie reminds Ryan that she doesn’t actually need to do this by herself; she has people (namely, Sophie) who are willing and able to help her.

Jada’s people think that Mary’s infection is doubling every 12 hours, so there’s a very good chance this is the last night Mary is going to remain the Mary they know and love. While there’s no digital trace of Mary anywhere, suddenly an alarm indicates Alice’s tracker is on the move. No problem! Sophie should know exactly where her roomie went off to, right? That’s Ryan’s thought anyway, until Soph fesses up to not spending the night at home. And Ryan’s face when she realizes the implications of that statement, punched me right in the gut. It’s almost like she surprised even herself by how hurt she is by Sophie’s apparent one night stand. But as quickly as the hurt crosses her face, it’s immediately replaced by concern over the possibility that Mary might be with Alice, lest Sophie sees just how impacted Ryan actually is.

WELP.

Meanwhile, Alice is driving an RV with Mary sitting shotgun because apparently they wrecked that fancy sports car from the end of the previous episode. Mary demands they pull over as Alice gives her a rundown of Poison Mary’s exploits. The idea of hurting her friends is enough to make Mary physically sick. She’s worried that she’ll be on the lam forever, but Alice won’t let that happen. That is, as long as a certain green-thumbed doctor helps remove the tracking nanobots swimming around in Alice’s bloodstream.

The ultimate, “I did WHAT last night?”

Sophie, Ryan, and a massive amount of sexual tension are cruising in the Batmobile trying to find Alice; a task made exponentially more difficult by the fact that they’re getting multiple tracker signals. They pull over the first person they can, and find Alice’s blood on the trunk. The clever girl left her nanobot-laden blood on multiple vehicles to confuse the rest of the team.

When the tension is terrifying.

Back in the RV, Mary’s taking inventory of the blood collection supplies she stole from the hospital, and proving to Alice that she knows a thing or two about staying off the grid. She stopped for coffee, but paid in cash and didn’t use her real name. (Shout out to the incredible Daphne Miles, writer extraordinaire and provider of Mary Hamilton’s coffee alter ego!) The two need to find another O-negative donor, because even though Alice can donate to anyone, she can only receive O-negative blood.

Okay, I need to know if this is actually Daphne’s order though…

And what better place to troll for unsuspecting blood donors than a random pub?! This entire pub situation is giving both Wynonna Earp and The Vampire Diaries vibes, and I am HERE for both. Mary tries some super cringey blood-related pickup lines before the bartender asks them to leave. In trying to get the bartender to change her mind, Mary accidentally uses her new Ivy pheromones to compel her. It works, which is weird because 1) it’s nighttime and 2) Mary is still fully aware of who she is. Like the sweet bean she is, Mary tries her powers again, this time to get free shots for her and Alice. Drunk Nicole Haught would be so proud. Also proud, is Alice, who remarks offhandedly that people actually listen to this Mary. And that’s the shit of this whole thing, isn’t it? All Mary wants is for someone to hear her. Kate didn’t; her dad didn’t; Luke didn’t; Ryan didn’t. The only person giving Mary a chance is Alice. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I mean, would YOU question them?

Ryan and Sophie are on the side of the road while Luke tells them they might just need to wait for Alice’s blood to dry before they can find the real tracker. Since they’re all sharing bad news, Sophie informs Ryan that if Mary goes full Poison Ivy, Montoya said the city will do everything they can to bring her in. And it’s at that moment that Ryan realizes Sophie was with Montoya the night before.

“Ah, ya done fucked up, Moore”

Sophie immediately does that semi-defensive thing where she tells Ryan she didn’t realize she needed her permission to sleep with someone. Since, you know, it’s not like they’re together or anything. And sweet Ryan is hurt on multiple levels; she’s hurt that Sophie slept with someone else, and she’s hurt that that someone is the woman currently making Ryan’s life miserable. Do I think that’s why Sophie chose Montoya? Not consciously. The two found comfort in each other when they couldn’t find it with the women they actually wanted. I said it once and I’ll say it again — GIVE ME THE ANGST.

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