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We are halfway through Autostraddle’s Masters Of Sex Cure Month Experience, the series in which our NSFW Editor Carolyn challenges us to think more critically about our solo and partnered sex lives. Some of our writers are participating in the experience and we’ve decided to anonymously share our weekly journals with you. (Don’t you love how queer girls think homework is sexy?) You can check out our week one entries here, and our week two entries below.

This week’s assignments were to:

+ Masturbate every day for a week.

+ Clean our sex toys.

+ Make a Yes/No/Maybe list.

+ Find some new porn.

+ Talk about sex with our friends.

Here’s how we did!

Magenta

Sunday
Listened to Tina Horn’s podcast on age play, which was really validating. I’m into pretty kinky stuff, but never knew there was a wider community around it. Age play is something I’m into in the bedroom, only, and that is probably the most taboo place for it. My two favorite role plays are consensual non-consent and age play—sometimes combined—so that’s pretty awkward to talk about as a fierce feminist woman. I know a lot of people get weirded out by it. It was great hearing about someone else’s experience with age play, from a queer feminist perspective. Partner cornered me in the kitchen for some dirty groping while I was trying to cook something on the stove. Did not lead to sex or to burning the house down. Looking forward to the next week’s assignment.

Monday
This week’s assignment is my jam. I’m the queen of masturbation probably. Also, I look forward to some porn time. I enjoy queer & feminist porn and reading erotica, but don’t do it that often because I don’t need it to masturbate. I took the Autostraddle sex survey just now and it kind of turned me on? I think because it got me thinking about all the wild stuff I’ve done or would like to do. Going to go see what’s new at the Crashpad and uh, get down to business.

Tuesday
I didn’t really feel sexy today. I’m sick and not really feeling like anything involving anyone or anything. I called in sick to work. But in keeping with the homework, I made myself give it a go. It was surprisingly not the worst, but I didn’t challenge myself to do anything out of the ordinary or to really take my time. It was like, really quick masturbation. I do think it helped me fall asleep for a nap.

Wednesday
Sorry, Carolyn, but I just couldn’t “get it up” today. Giving myself a sick pass.

Thursday
So we are supposed to try to get into something that is out of the ordinary for us. Being mainly the S in a D/S or the M in a S/M situation, I decided to try switching mentally. I’ve only switched a couple times in real life and it was fun, but doesn’t turn me on as much. So I decided to try to masturbate and fantasize about switching the power dynamics. It took a little longer and I had to keep reminding myself who I was and not let slip into the role that I usually put myself in. I also switched up the way that I masturbate by kneeling upright on the bed instead of laying on my back. The orgasm I had was harder and longer than I typically have through masturbation. I don’t know if it was switching the position or the fantasy or both, but I’m impressed with myself.

Friday
Oh, boi. Getting into our “sex box” and sifting through the stuff in there brought back some hot memories. I miss the days when we would spend hours working through a scene and dreamt about buying $3,000 play furniture and when we actually used some of this sexy stuff packed away. Sex now is still kinky, to some extent. Like, the role-play and choking and everything is still pretty dirty and definitely satisfying. But we don’t pull out the sex hood or the nipple clamps or the (vegan) riding crop anymore. Aaaaanyway, cleaning out the box was mostly about washing toys and putting loose condoms back in their place and reorganizing lube. And it was kind of sexy and a little sad thinking about those “olden” days of our sex life. Which led to me pulling those nipple clamps out for solo time, which was awesome.

Saturday
I was in the car for 8.5 hours today and spent the other time at a 2-year-old’s birthday party, so it just was not a day for sexy time or trying new things. I did masturbate once before bed, quickly, to help myself fall asleep.

Koko

Saturday

Was hungover today. Ended up watching a scary movie in the evening with Kiwi, but we were both tired and ended up just cuddling and falling asleep. I did notice that I get very quickly aroused when she touches me, probably due to the positive sexual experiences I have had with her so far.

Sunday

Could barely get out of bed, had a very quick kissing session with Kiwi before I left. I almost couldn’t stop myself, teasing her pussy and I wanted to fuck her then and there. Unfortunately we both had to work, so it wound me up for nothing. I get super turned on by delayed gratification but in this case there was no time for the reward. Until next time…

Monday

Sent a sexy snap to Kiwi. They feel less scary now – the first time I sent One to kiwi I had a big crying meltdown about not being sexy etc etc. But I’m starting to feel more confident about documenting in a sexual way. Which is pretty phenomenal. I masturbated quickly before work (which seems to be my routine now?). It was only for 10 mins, but I had a decent orgasm. Yay Monday!

Read some erotica and watched some mainstream “lesbian” porn with one of my favourite actresses and her girlfriend tonight. It was hot, but I didn’t get off like I thought I would. New porn is in order I think.

Tuesday

Mmmm a teensy bit of sexting today. Masturbated while watching porn, came twice. The orgasms were decent, possibly because I saw my super hot ex today who could almost make me come with just a smirk. Between that and thinking about Kiwi’s glorious ass bouncing up and down as I finger her, my fantasies seemed to come together. Well played, brain. It’s funny, but this week’s assignment to masturbate every day has been helpful in forcing me to feel sexier. My body feels more receptive, and my focus during sexual encounters has been less about “how does this other person perceive me” and more about “how can we make this interaction as pleasurable as possible”.

Wednesday

Masturbated very quickly before work- just okay. 9AM

Thursday

Made out with Kiwi in the bathroom stall of a club tonight – perhaps super novice, but I’ve never hooked up with anyone in the bathroom of a public place before. It was super cute and also pretty fun — the potential to get caught made me enjoy it even more. I feel like Kiwi has made me feel far more adventurous/fun loving in the short time we’ve been hooking up. It’s making me think about my sexual preferences/actually start to research ways to be more creative… It’s been a fun start to the year. Slowly but surely, she’s weaseling her way into my heart…

Friday

Woke up and fucked Kiwi. I love having sex in the morning, you are half asleep and kind of hazy, making you unsure what’s real and what’s imagined. Which is my favourite feeling – an element of the surreal. She’s so fucking cute when she’s coming, and I swear I could just stay right there between those lush, gorgeous thighs until I died. But enough about the mushy shit… She has figured out I’m into a little bit of deprivation. If you pretend you are going to fuck me and then make me wait… I lose it. In the best way. I love being teased (so long as there is a resolution).

I masturbated (as per this week’s assignment) after my shower, perched on a towel in the bathroom. It reminded me of when I was young and had just started masturbating… I used to sit on the edge of the bathtub and rub myself to get off. My washroom session was not quite as fruitful but it was fun.

Anonymous Otter

Saturday

Oh damn. I keep getting lost down this erotica rabbit hole, continuing right in from yesterday. All my roommates went to bed and I found some stories that really turned me on and had an awesome orgasm. I am learning more about this particular thing that has always really gotten me off when I’ve fantasized about it. Thinking about what I would need in terms of communication and trust with a partner to actually enact it, and how I would want that to play out.

I also want to find other things that really turn me on when I’m masturbating alone, since I don’t have a sex partner right now. I love Love LOVE being eaten out while being finger-fucked all at once, but it’s not super intuitive for me to masturbate while I think about that because usually I masturbate while lying on my stomach and rubbing my clit. I also have really different orgasms when I’m alone than when I’m with a partner. I think I want to masturbate while lying on my back more because my quiet-on-my-stomach masturbating to this fantasy thing is definitely tied into shame about my sexuality from an earlier age, and I want to let go of that a little bit. Maybe I should buy a dildo I can fuck myself with that isn’t silly and bright pink. That might be kind of awesome.

Sunday

No sex or masturbating today because I’m sleeping in someone’s living room tonight, but I did have a great conversation with my best straight friend about vibrators and dildos. I’m looking around for a g-spot vibrator to splurge on. We both agreed that we really want glass dildos and that neither of us want anything to do with dildos that actually look like penises, regardless of our own personal attractions to actual penises.

Monday

Week two assignments are out. I’ve done the AS sex worksheets but I am really excited to revisit. Also, I looked at the other kinky ones Carolyn linked and WOW…. well wow. Wow. wow. woW. Just seeing all those things written out is very overwhelming and also pretty awesome. Like I feel kind of afraid to leave them open in a tab for too long. I was also surprised to realize that I’d never even really heard of half the things listed, and I don’t consider myself a total stranger to kink.

I’ve been thinking about how I am super into doing this Masters of Sex thing alone, at a time when I don’t have a partner. Like, yes I definitely wish I could summon someone to my bed right now to make out and fuck me, but it also feels pretty great to only be focused on my own sexy needs without thinking about any specific partner in the back of my mind.

Tonight I cleaned my room while listening to a Why Are People Into That. Now my room is sooooo clean and I am thinking about the thing that Tina Horn was talking about with her guest that was sooo hot.

Listening to YAPIT got me really hot and now I have renewed my CrashPad subscription. I had it for a few months last year and stopped it because I wasn’t watching it enough for it to be worthwhile. I’m not super into watching porn. I prefer the in-the-moment editing that can happen in my brain while I read erotica. But if I’m masturbating all the time this month so I can write about it for you people, then it’ll be worth it.

I was lying on my bed watching this SUPER HOT CrashPad episode and my roommate’s girlfriend knocks on my door. It figures that the first time anyone ever knocks on my door in my apartment is also during the first time I’m watching porn in this apartment. Classic. She just had to give me back my phone charger. At least I wasn’t naked. Once my heart rate came back down, I finished the episode. I started another that I didn’t like very much and then a third that was awesome, and then I had three orgasms in a row, fingering myself on my back and then on my stomach. Now I feel a little loopy.

I have been thinking a lot about kink, and I think what I’m figuring out is that I’m pretty into some specific kinky acts, but I’m really not into the whole power play thing. Like, there’s an element of it that I’m kind of interested in for fantasy purposes, but the whole D/S-ma’am-mistress-master-whatever thing is really not a turn on for me at all. Neither is really anything that connotes begging. Even saying, “yes please,” feels a little icky to me. I also still can’t really picture a scenario in which I’d be actually tied up in a way that only a partner could get me out of. Like, I’ve enjoyed being held down and tied up with my bandanas, which I could squirm my wrists out of when I was ready. It’s like that switch thing I wrote about last week – there’s a moment in my kink space where I go from being super turned on to wanting absolutely nothing to do with it, and I want to be able to break out of the scene and grab my partner’s face, hands, whatever and kiss them really hard.

Tuesday

I know we were supposed to masturbate every day this week but I am all sexed out after yesterday.

I might try and masturbate eventually tonight if I have trouble falling asleep. I should go to bed, but I feel very awake right now, and I am wearing this super unsexy new night guard situation. It’s so big and plastic, and not in a cute way.

A bunch of people wrote in their journals last week about how much they love going down on people and why. It mostly makes me want someone to go down on me, but it also makes me want to get more excited about doing it to other people. I feel like I get tied up in this reciprocity thing a lot with sex. And not in the sexy tied-up kind of way. It’s probably the most stressful thing about sex for me – the question, “is the other person satisfied enough?” I feel like If I could communicate better what I wanted, I’d be more satisfied and then more eager to be like, “WOW that was awesome so now I wanna climb on top of you and do [insert sexything here].” Need to work on that communication thing.

Wednesday

Rull stressed today and just didn’t feel sexy enough to masturbate, so I didn’t. But instead, here are my boob feelings: I love boobs. I love my boobs. But really any and all boobs. Little ones, big ones, medium ones. I look at my boobs sometimes (oftentimes) and think to myself, “WOW I have great boobs.” And then I get a little sad no one besides me touches them these days, and then I touch them myself and feel pleased They’re so round and soft and fit so happily in my hands. Sometimes I just stare at them, front and profile.

Thursday

This week has dissolved into non-sex-related-anxiety-festival, from which I have learned I SUPER am not interested in masturbating when I am anxious! Wow, what a fun thing to learn. This means I never actually did any of the worksheet things, though I did do the sex survey and that was kinda sexy. Hopefully I will visit the worksheet situation next week.

Friday

Started listening to Tina Horn and Reid Mihalko sitting in a bathtub talking about sluts on YAPIT while I was driving. It was pretty great, but I won’t get to finish it until tomorrow. Disappointed I didn’t get to masturbate that much this week, but my anxiety is a lot less now, so probably I will get back to sexy stuff tomorrow.

Lumbersexual

Monday

I was already so bad about even keeping the journal last week (I only wrote Monday and then didn’t even contribute that to the roundtable) that I don’t have a lot of faith in my ability to actually masturbate every day. I know, that’s sad. I want to think I have a higher sex drive than I do, and one of the people I have been seeing actually does and she is a great influence on me. Makes me want to have sex all the time. But this week is about me so I’m going to try to enjoy that too.

Also, in terms of the sex toy washing, I definitely so that after every time (or I mean, day what not depending on how the sex sessions play out, ha) but I did just do a big thorough cleaning last week and try to restore them in a cleaner storage solutions (tupperware were recommended to me, good call Autostraddle sex gurus!). But anyway, I have 5 dildos and 2 harness so it took, like, forever. Thank god I did it all the day before my roommate got home.

Forgot to masturbate tonight as expected. My internet even went out briefly so the universe was trying to warn me but I FAILED. Read my astrological year at a glance in my new instead.

Tuesday

Goddammit I forgot to masturbate again! I could use the excuse that I was working until after midnight but in reality my stress levels could have probably used a self orgasm. But at least I got a promise to return to previous levels of sexting from a long distance lover.

Wednesday

Only had time for a quickie watching emo skater twink porn in between work and an appointment. 10 min well spent though. Hopefully some new porn soon.

Thursday

I almost forgot again but I am committed to this, so even though it’s after 1am and I have to work tomorrow I search my email for that Indie Porn Revolution login I think I set up a couple months ago. I’m paying for it I might as well use it. Right away I remember why I don’t. The interface is clunky. It’s hard to find what I want or tell if something is a video, photo gallery or just a clip or link to another site that I’d have to pay more for. Plus some of the videos don’t work, or will play in Safari but not Chrome. I’m over this.

But I finally find a threesome with Jiz Lee in a ballet studio that’s 16 min long so I’m down. I use the big Wahl vibe cuz I’m not in a sexy enough mood not to and I need to get this done. And I finally do. But it really feels like one of those had to do it quick times and not really a lof of fun.

I can’t wait until B gets here tomorrow. She always manages to pull me out of the “I don’t really want to” funk and into an “oh my god how did I ever want anything else than this moment” sexual dreamland. I once thought I could masturbate as good as any sex partner. I have had better sex than that since but not many partners have I had this level of chemistry with.

Can I will my brain into having sex dreams? Maybe if I leave this porn on as I drift off. I mean it’s still on as I write this so that’s a start.

Friday

B is finally here and, as usual, she makes my testosterone rise even when I’m tired, moody, sad. She’s like, so good for me. I once was talking to my therapist and likened sex to kale, something good for my body. She agreed saying, “Yes, you should have your sex, eat your kale, like a good girl.” Ok she didn’t say the “good girl” part but she’s kinda hot so a girl can dream.

Anyway, as we’re laying in the after together (B and I, not my therapist) I mention I forgot to masturbate today like I’m supposed to then I remember at one point during our athletics that I pulled out of B and stuck a vibrator behind the harness and stroked my own VixSkin cock while kneeling over her and it was amazing. So I guess I actually did remember.

Saturday

I’m feeling really sick today and can’t stop coughing so masturbating sounds less than appealing. Maybe B and I can do our Yes/No/Maybe lists instead.

What ends up happening is that she masturbates while I spoon her. This works pretty well, i.e. it’s pretty sexy at the level I am up for while feeling so shitty. But it is kinda funny because it’s happening right after I drank some TheraFlu nighttime tea so I’m starting to get tired and loopy throughout the process. But apparently my hips keep going even as I am falling asleep she tells me: A+.

Feel free to share your week two journals in the comments below. And no, we don’t care how many words they are! This is your safe space, and anyway, one of last week’s assignments was to talk about sex with your friends!

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