Letter From Your Editors

Hello elves on shelves!

I’m sitting on a pillow in an empty room with my laptop on top of a medium-sized box that contains a paper shredder (a purchase I highly recommend to anybody petrified of identity theft), which may or may not be a step up from where I wrote you last month, which I assume was my mother’s kitchen table! My girlfriend and I are in the process of moving out of my Mom’s house into a home of our very own in the quasi-country. In other words, my entire life is in boxes, but I am so excited to finally have an office again in a few weeks — like a real CEO! — and consequently make 2016 the best year of Autostraddle in the history of time. Probably it’ll be even better than an in-flight magazine.

But first let’s look at everybody’s TOP MOMENT of 2015, shall we?

Much like the endless summer, December is a weird month ’cause we’re even more disconnected than we usually are (simply by having our entire operation online) as everybody travels for the holidays, and we’re still working with our new writers to get them ready for your inevitable love and dedication. Some of them have already published their first (or second!) pieces, so feast upon them:

• Aisha Sabatini Sloan: One American Goes To See 30 Americans
• Alaina Monts: Holidays and Spice and Everything Nice: A Soul Food Recipe Roundup
• Isabel Alcantara: 15 Useful Phrases to Yell At Thanksgiving Football
• Maree J Hamilton: Your Kitchen Has More Germs Than A Public Toilet
• Erin Sullivan: 10 Imaginary Lesbian Christmas Films to Grow Your Holigay Heart Three Sizes
• Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya: Coming Out to 50 People At Once Was So Much Easier Than Doing It One-on-One

There are two new writers you haven’t heard anything from yet, so that’ll be a neat surprise for you when it happens.

Big news, A+ members who make our lives possible: WE GOT A PAID SLACK ACCOUNT!!!

Other things you can look forward to:

• Merchandise Sale: There’ll be a merchandise sale from December 26th – December 29th and you can get 25% off whatever you damn well please with code “aplus25”
• Bit-by-Bit Redesign: Alex has designed a new header and a new logo for Autostraddle and Cee is coding it and you are gonna LOVE IT. We’re working on tweaking other design things too!

I know we’ve been light on the A+ content lately but that will change very soon. We also hope you truly enjoyed Some Answers To Things You’ve Been Asking Us #4, a YES CATS! Exclusive from Heather Hogan that will make you cry as much as cats make my eyes water b/c allergens, The A+ Bee Issue #32 and the ninth episode of the A+ Podcast: Nailed It!, which featured an all-star cast of guests including Jasika Nicole, Janet Mock, Deanne Smith, Krista Burton of Effing Dykes, Gabby Rivera, Allie Katz and Mey Rude.

Okay, I hope you’re ready because this Insider is extra-conversational because now we have PAID SLACK.

Love,

Riese
co-signed by Laneia / Heather / Rachel / Yvonne

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Top 10 Most Popular Posts From November 2015

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. Saturday Morning Cartoons: Baopu #15, by Yao Xio
2. 100% Of Women Attracted To Other Women, Study Says, by Riese Bernard
3. 27 More Pictures of Lesbian Sex According To Stock Photography, by Riese Bernard
4. Jennifer Lawrence Accidentally Kisses Natalie Dormer, So They’re Probably Girlfriends Now, by Stef Schwartz
5. 30 Queer TV Shows To Stream On Netflix This Winter, by Riese Bernard
6. Holland Taylor Has a Girlfriend, Is Hopefully Writing Fabulous, Tortured Love Poems, by Riese Bernard

Want to take a peek behind the editorial curtain? Good news: I brought a flashlight. Here’s how that went down:

Heather: oh hey holland taylor came out?
Riese: WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
OMG
WHAT
OK WRITING THIS NOW
Rachel: what if you publish a timeline of your feelings about this news Riese
Riese: i think the timeline would go from WHAT to WHAT to WHATTTT
Heather: it’s a good timeline
Rachel: agree
maybe some “???”s in there
Riese: maybe this is how she ended up in DEBS

[… a few minutes later …]

Riese: wow she says most of her relationships have been with women!
could her girlfriend be sarah paulson?
Heather: stacy got into a brawl with this guy who came to our house for thanksgiving who spent like 45 minutes trying to convince her sarah paulson dated the owner of the dallas cowboys and by the time i finally realized what they were fighting about i was like, “no, no, no. cherry jones, dude. CHERRY jones, not JERRY jones.” i cannot leave stacy unsupervised with gay men.
Rachel: i think if we all had a buddy system for spending time with gay men the world would be a better place
Heather: i agree completely
Rachel: maybe she’s dating miley
Heather: or brittani
Rachel: god i would love to start a rumor that she’s dating brittani
Heather: move over portia and ellen
Riese: she spends a LOT of time with sarah paulson
Heather: sarah paulson just did that interview with the daily beast where she said love’s a bitch, except for when it’s not. maybe holland is her “when it’s not.”
Riese: look at this tweet and this tweet
Heather: hmmm
i mean, holland taylor almost summoned the marauder’s map there
Riese: sarah paulson likes older women!
soooo
Heather: it’s probably cate blanchett
just to bring the year full circle
Riese: if holland talyor and sarah paulson dated i would die happy
but i wouldn’t!
i would want to live
i wouldn’t even die happy
i would live happy
Heather: what a great sentiment! “if [whatever thing], i would live happy!”
if holland taylor shows up on whatever ryan murphy thing playing the new sue sylvester, we’ll know
WE’LL KNOW
and weep
me, personally, i will weep
Rachel: at least one person is tweeting at mallory that they think it’s sarah paulson
Riese: i wish people would comment on the post and say OMG
OMG RIESE THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS WITH US TODAY
wait someone just tweeted that sarah paulson isn’t in “ripcord” with holland taylor
then… why is holland taylor hanging out with her so much
THE PLOT THICKENS, THEY MUST BE GIRLFRIENDS
oh this is so exciting
i hope they are girlfriends and are going to get married
cherry jones is probably like GET OFF MY LAWN
Heather: i hope so too. i hope they do an interview together. i hope samira wiley and ellen page are the best women at their wedding.
i hope brittani officiates
Riese: i hope brittani officiates and samira wiley and ellen page are the best women at my wedding
Heather: i hope they get married at camp
Riese: i mean they have been hanging out A LOT
for people who are not in a play together
have they been in anything together?
Heather: yeah how do they even know each other
Laneia: nothing would make me happier than this
Heather: oooohhhhh shit. look at this photo at the carol premiere
Riese: OH DAMN
Laneia: ohhhhhh SHIT
Riese: OH SHIT
Laneia: ya’ll
lskdfflskdfjlds
that’s it
all the proof i need
waiting for the ring
Heather: yeah it’s official
Riese: omg they are so together
Laneia: can we publish a blind item about these two
these two wacky kids
Heather: okay back to work!
Riese: i think what we just did is work

7. Satellite of Love: Queer Horoscopes for November 2015, by Corina
8. 10 Trans Women Pioneers They Definitely Didn’t Tell You About In History Class, by Mey Rude
9. Badass Black Queer Women paved the Way for the Mizzou Movement, by Yvonne Marquez
10. “Jessica Jones” Is An Awesomely, Aggressively Feminist Superhero Series, by Heather Hogan

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Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Rachel: I will be here very soon! I am having a donut for the first time in like four years
ok here now!
Laneia: I wish I had a donut
Rachel: I didn’t finish mine do you want some
Laneia: Didn’t finish it?? How is that even possible
Rachel: Well, I’ll be honest: I ordered three

---

Stef: Every day facebook tells me this tool to manage being facebook friends with your ex is coming and even being implemented for some users but HAS ANYBODY SEEN ANY EVIDENCE OF THIS
ASKING FOR A FRIEND
Aja: I think you need to be IAR and then change your status in order for it to trigger the thingee.
Stef: I NEED A GIRLFRIEND TO DO THIS?
COME ON
Laura: Is that what it means? I think that means you have to girlfriend your ex on fb, then un-girlfriend her
which is worse!
Aja: I think you should IAR with someone and then break up with them and then write about it for AS!
Stef: LISTEN OKAY
I’VE ALREADY BEEN THROUGH THE THING
I made my relationship status viewable to only me before I changed it to single so it wouldn’t even post to my timeline when it happened because YIKES those are embarrassing
Aja: “I ran a QA test on this new feature at FB so you don’t have to: Hacks for breaking up”
Stef: Does anybody want to be my girlfriend on facebook for like ten minutes
Also we know if it only works on mobile or what
Aja: OMG, yes.
Stef: GOOD I HOPE MY EX SEES IT AND IS LIKE “WHO IS THAT BABE STEF IS DATING” AND FEELS TERRIBLE
Aja: Wait, if I’m already married on FB will it let me be publicly in a open relash with someone else?
Stef: No.
Laura: I volunteer as tribute!!
Stef: YES
Aja: THAT IS (@*&(*#$^%*(&#()&% GARBAGEEEEEEEEE IN A CAN!
I HATE FACEBOOK!
Stef: Yeah fb is not very poly-helpful
Laura: So sad for you, Aja, being in a happy relationship!
Aja: LET ME LIVE MY FAUX OPEN RELASH LIFE FOR SCIENCE! ASSHOLE RUINERS!
Stef: I feel like they’re only rolling this out for a select group of people also
and possibly only on mobile so far?
So there is a chance this won’t work
but that’s what love is, isn’t it?

---

Riese: For some reason reading Harry Potter just gives me a lot of ideas about camp
Heather: :head in hands:
Yvonne: Like what?
Riese: I actually really don’t know just yet, but when I read it I feel like “this is something we could have at camp”
Rachel: I hope the “this” is “real magic with spells and sentient animals”
Heather: :head in hands some more:
Riese: WHY IS YOUR HEAD IN YOUR HANDS HEATHER
Heather: Because I am looking at you adoringly
Riese: Oh I thought you were frustrated with me
I was like OH NO
Heather: NO! I was gazing at you sweetly
Riese: PHEW
Mostly I was thinking that we could open camp by having a representative from each cabin try to slay a dragon
Yvonne: I would love that dearly
The Dragon Slaying
Laneia: IS THE DRAGON HETERONORMATIVITY
Heather: :scream:
Riese: YES
ugh perfect

---

Heather: People who hate each other always have such good chemistry
like Carmen and Shane
maybe Shane will be on next season of Person of Interest
I am having a lot of good ideas
Rachel: I would love to read your thoughts on what POI should do
maybe Kate Moennig has to be rescued from drowning in a vat of hair product
Heather: And will Shaw save her? Or will shaw LEAVE HER AT THE ALTAR OF HER HAIR PRODUCTS?

---

Laneia: I’m going to shower and then dig a hole in the grass outside and then bury myself in it and come out when I think everyone has forgotten I ever existed, then I’m going to move to colorado and make soap.
Yvonne: Oh no! I would miss you
but I do want you to make soap

---

Mey: My other favorite part of Transparent was when Brittani was there
Maddie: I laughed out loud several times at Brittani’s facial expressions during the Yom Kippur dinner
Stef: Those are all the faces B would make at a real yom kippur break fast
very legit acting, B
surprised that you seemed to be into the idea of eating lox but okay
Brittani: I didn’t eat any lox but I did eat 3 bagels and drink a startling amount of “wine”
Stef: I KNEW it

---

Riese: Opening line from a spammy emailer: “Hi Marie, I just saw that you publish content on your website. ”
Rachel: THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK
Riese: HE DOESN’T KNOW ME
HE DOESN’T KNOW MY LIFE

---

Riese: We should have Kayla write something about her webseries
What should we do should we ask somebody to write about her webseries or ask her to
Rachel: What if we had her and Brittani interview each other
I’m just really obsessed with getting Brittani to write something lately, can you tell
about having webseries
Riese: I also would like Brittani to write it but what if Brittani is too busy to write it?
Rachel: That’s true. Brittani is just the perfect person to write so many things! It’s a terrible reality, her being busy
Riese: I know
really that sentence could’ve stopped after “perfect person”
What are we gonna do when Brittani gets a girlfriend and we can’t all imagine that she’s our girlfriend
Rachel: I feel triggered by that
Riese: I’m sorry

---

Carmen: OK SO IT ISN’T JUST ME! Slack is having a panic attack
Alaina: Carmen, this is really good news bc I was just prepared to accept that the platform was always this glitchy and now i feel a lot better/calmer about it all
Kaelyn: Nope, me, too. I was getting notications on my phone, but couldn’t log in from my computer. It’s cool. Everyone chill.
Rachel: What did we all do during the great slack outage of 2015
Personally, I drove to pick up my partner because he had taken the wrong city bus. A harrowing adventure in the outside world!
Carolyn: I made and drank six cups of tea
That’s a usual afternoon for me though
Kaelyn: I played hooky at work to see the Mockingjay Part 2
Alaina: I “felt my hip bones” in acting class.
Rachel: Is that a euphemism alaina. be honest
Alaina: I don’t really know what it means but a cute girl held my waist as i bent in half
Rachel: My understanding is that you are now betrothed to be wed

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Meet Two New Staff Writers!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Alaina Monts, Staff Writer

Tumblr: onelastnightinthehoodagain.tumblr.com
Twitter: @alainamonts
Instagram: @everydayalittlealaina
Cats’ Instagram: @tworussiansandavampurr

You’re getting a degree in Women’s and Gender Studies and Theatre. What’s the most interesting thing you’ve learned in your academic career?
I think the most interesting thing I’ve learned in my academic career is just how interconnected everything is. I added a WGS minor originally because I wanted to be able to talk academically about the things I experienced every day because I’m seen as a woman. I ended up changing it to a major when I realized that the language I was gaining was also applicable to the things that were making me uncomfortable in the theatre (lack of women directors, lack of queer women representation, typecasting). I’m so happy I finally settled on this combination of majors because almost everything I study is immediately relevant to things that I’m trying to figure out as an artist and as a human.

But I think in terms of the coolest thing I’ve learned, it’s probably that King Charles II let women onstage when he reopened English theaters during the Restoration because he was raised in France (where women were allowed onstage already) and was really into the way women’s ankles looked. Me too man, me too.

What’s your biggest pet peeve?
I’m more grossed out than I should be by other people’s hair on my body/things. It’s a running joke among my friends because I will visibly cringe if I find another person’s hair on my body. I live for a good lint roller.

What’s one thing you’re currently obsessed with?
Podcasts! The podcast Limetown is my newest podcast obsession. It’s been described like Serial and The X-Files combined. It’s fictional, but seems so real that I honestly wasn’t sure if it was real or not until I did some googling. Limetown follows reporter Lia Haddock as she tries to figure out what happened in 2005 when everyone from the research town Limetown disappeared. The first season just ended and it is so good! It’s suspenseful, it’s got creepy brain experiments, and the actor playing Lia Haddock is always just a little too dramatic for it to seem like something that’s really happening. I love an overly dramatic voice actor. It’s a really great podcast for commutes (the non-driving kind) or any other time when you’re able to dedicate your full attention to listening.

For podcasts I don’t have to give my full attention to, I’m loving Homoground and All Songs Considered. I love finding new music, but I hate listening to the radio if it’s not NPR. Plus, I have a tendency to find an album I like and listen to it for the next nine years. These two are really awesome for helping me find music I enjoy without having to listen to my local Top 40 radio station.

If you could go any where in the world, where would you go and why?
Barcelona (and Oviedo)! During my second year in college my friends and I would get high and watch Vicky Cristina Barcelona almost every single weekend. We were obsessed. I want to go on a month long vacation where I just go everywhere any of the characters went and take pictures of myself and overlay quotes from the movie over them. Also, Spain is really beautiful and ever since I’ve been fluent, I’ve wanted to just disappear there. I love solo adventures.

What’s something you’ve been really proud of lately?
Okay, so humble brag time, but I am so proud of how I did in school this semester. This was my first time back as a full-time student after I took two years off due to some really bad mental health issues. Because I want to graduate in May, I ended up taking 20 credit hours this semester. On top of that, I have a job and just finished my first semester as music director of my a cappella group. I was struggling this semester; but I also worked my ass off. Not only did I finish with all A’s, my a cappella group got into ICCA (yes, exactly like Pitch Perfect), I did an independent research project and I presented it at a statewide conference. I was so ready to quit last year, so being back in school, succeeding, and enjoying it again makes me feel really good.

Who was your first woman celebrity crush?
I honestly considered moving to Phoenix, Arizona because I was convinced Brittney Griner and I would meet at Trader Joe’s and fall in love. I still sometimes think about it. When she and her fiancé ended things, I was a definitely sad, because I think Black queer love is revolutionary and intimate partner violence always makes me sad. But I cannot lie and say that there’s not a part of me that rejoices in the fact that she is once again single and that I have a (very small) chance! She will always hold a very large place in my heart, and maybe one day, I can hold her very large hand. Dreams do come true!

Isabel Alcantara, Staff Writer

Twitter: @isa_alcantara
Instagram: @isa_alcantara
Snapchat: isabelisa116

You’re working on your first feature documentary about Mexico’s water crisis. How did you become interested in documentary work and on this topic?
My brother and I have been making movies as long as I can remember. A solid chunk of my childhood memories involve designing sets, and making up stories and coercing our cousins to star in our fake infomercials, horror films and wildly inaccurate historical biopics. He went to film school and I studied journalism, so when we had the idea to team up and make documentaries, it was a no-brainer. Documentaries, when done right, are snapshots of humanity, art hidden within reality, our modern take on what once was the passing down of our heritage. Oral history became written and writing became images and now we have the privilege of being able to accurately show future generations exactly who we are right at this very moment.

I’m making a documentary called Cuenca, about a massive watershed in Mexico that is running out of water. The aquifer is so low, the water we are drinking is over 10,000 years old. The wells are saturated with fluoride, arsenic, and some have reported radioactive material, as the crisis grows worse. Meanwhile, the indigenous communities are disappearing, migrating to the cities and creating ever-expanding slums. Cuenca is the story of six key people standing up and demanding more. This is the story of their revolution, and I’m lucky to be directing the project that documents their fight.

What’s your biggest pet peeve?
My biggest pet peeve is when period films that are set in France make their characters speak in British accents, like The Perfume, Phantom of the Opera, Quills, Marie Antoinette, I could go on for days. It’s almost like American audiences want to watch a French film, but not too French. I’d like to be in the studio meeting where a group of people said, “Sure! Alan Rickman and Kate Winslet can play French royalty.”
“Do they speak French?”
“Nope.”
“Would they need to work on their French accent?”
“Nah.”
Hollywood, you’re the worst.

What’s one thing you’re currently obsessed with?
I am currently stuck in the Hamilton void, along with the rest of America. That soundtrack plays in my apartment every single day, and when it’s not playing, all the songs are stuck in my head. Once a song played out of order and I visibly winced. Some would say that the obsession non-stop.

If you could go any where in the world, where would you go and why?
I am dying to go to the Patagonia. I’m not embarrassed to say that the primary reason is so I can see some penguins. But also, it’s gorgeous and has everything from grasslands, to mountains, to glaciers and I want to see all those things before they disappear. Antarctica scares me, so I think the southernmost tip of South America is the closest I’m gonna get.

What’s something you’ve been really proud of lately?
Other than getting to be a staff writer on Autostraddle, I am most proud of being accepted into the Chicken & Egg Accelerator Lab. Chicken & Egg is an organization that focuses on supporting and mentoring first-time female filmmakers, especially POC and LGBT women. My project, along with nine others was selected for an 18-month workshop, just because they decided to believe in our little movie. I am beyond elated.

Who was your first woman celebrity crush?
I had so many confusing feelings about Miss Honey in Matilda, circa 1996.

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STEF WORKS A MILEY CYRUS CONCERT

Stef: Will you guys still be my friends if I’m at this Miley Cyrus show
She just literally sang a song about fucking her “space dude.. In your space boots” and how we’re both vegan so that makes it easier
Laneia: Love u Stef
Stef: She’s awful and I can’t help loving her
Update there is not a single part of Miley Cyrus I would not lick drugs off of and I’m so sorry
Update Miley is dressed as a stick of butter
Rachel: stef u r truly living your best life
Stef: She pulled the butter costume off and now she is singing a reprise about sucking on nipples
Also my porter is here somewhere with his 13 year old daughter
There was a song about sticking her finger into your heart
Laneia: o lord
Audrey: I want a party in the USA reboot with this aesthetic.
“And I put my hands up your ass, they’re playing our song”
Stef: Miley is talking about these pussy ass bitches who keep shooting up the wildlife
And the salmon
“Whenever an animal comes up to you and rolls onto is belly, it’s thinking “this bitch about to rub my belly.””
She’s converting te crowd to veganism
I’m so happy
This song is about her dead fish
Laneia: Aren’t they all though
Stef: What do I do now
Audrey: 1. Find Miley
2. Lick off the drugs
3. ???
4. PROFIT
Riese: I feel like she must be literally just saying every single thought that comes into her head
at this point
which could be unconscious hubris, drugs, or something more strategic
she should call her next tour “performance art” but not in an intentionally ironic way
Stef: She just played “We can’t stop” and closed
She stopped
Now I’m just drunk with my boss
???
Profit
Riese: Maybe you have been a ghost the whole time
Maybe she has been a ghost the whole time!
Stef: I am a ghost this whole time
Laura: A vegan ghost wanting to lick a pop star dressed as a stick of butter

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What We’ve Been Reading

Rachel: Garments Against Women by Anne Boyer and Private Demons: The Life of Shirley Jackson by Judy Oppenheimer

Laura: The Invention of Morel by Adolfo Bioy Casares

Lyn: The Souls of Black Folkby W.E.B Du Bois

Kayla: Hunger Makes Me A Modern Girl by Carrie Brownstein

Erin: A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit and Sister Citizen: Shame, Stereotypes, and Black Women in America by Melissa V. Harris-Perry

Stef: The Devil by Leo Tolstoy

Beth: Sightlines by Kathleen Jamie

Crystal: The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair That Changed America by Erik Larson

Karly: Fates and Furies by Lauren Groff

Olga: A Visit From The Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan and ODY-C by Matt Fraction & Christian Ward

Maddie: A Queer and Pleasant Danger by Kate Bornstein

Alaina: A Month in the Country by Ivan Turgenev

Haley: Between-the-World-and-Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Mey: Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She’s “Learned” by Lena Dunham

Alex: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo

Maree: An Unfinished Woman by Lillian Hellman

Chloe: The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides

Ali: Dryland by Sara Jaffe

Raquel: Snowcrash by Neal Stephenson

Isabel: Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death, and Hope in a Mumbai Undercity by Katherine Boo

Anna: Dirty River: A Queer Femme Of Color Dreaming Her Way Homeby Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

Carolyn: The Empathy Exams: Essays by Leslie Jamison

Aisha: When The Sick Rule the World by Dodie Bellamy

Brittani: Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl by Carrie Brownstein

Carmen: I Must Be Living Twice by Eileen Myles

Audrey: Kissing Oscar Wilde: A Love Story in the City of Light by Jade Sylvan

Heather: You’re Never Weird on the Internet (Almost): A Memoir by Felicia Day

Laneia: New and Selected Poems, Volume 1 by Mary Oliver

Riese: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by JK Rowling. Also I finished an advance copy of Gabby Rivera’s novel, Juliet Takes a Breath, in a day, because it was so amazingly good. I’m so excited for it to come out in January so you can all buy it and we can book club it!

---

MINI-INTERVIEW WITH A SENIOR EDITOR: Yvonne

What do you do in your job?
I do a lot of cool things! I write a news fix every week and when I can, I write other things like a taco column. A bulk of the work I do is editing and publishing articles for y’all to read which can look different day to day. Part of it is editing and scheduling posts for the day or for the next morning. Another part is editing and giving feedback to staff writers and non-staff writers on their writing for more in-depth, feature or personal essays. I’m always talking and planning with the other senior editors about our editorial schedule, our daily goals and big picture things. Also we started the Autostraddle Weekly newsletter so I write one of those at least once a month. There’s probably a lot of other things I do but this is what I do in a nutshell!

What is your favorite part of this position?
This is my dream job! If there’s just one aspect of this position I have to say is my favorite, it’s that I get to work with such brilliant, amazing queer, women and non-binary folks all day, everyday — and my world is (mostly) queernormative because of it! I get to have conversations and discussions with the coolest people every day which includes my coworkers and y’all — the Autostraddle community!

What is something you dream to bring to Autostraddle?
My personal mission has always been to bring more writers of color to Autostraddle. When I attended an LGBT journalist conference earlier this year, Spectra, an afro-feminist speaker, writer and co-founder of QWOC Media Wire, said something that really resonated with me. I don’t exactly remember the context but she was talking about how people of color should strive to bring other people of color to the top with them. As someone in a leadership position at such a wildly popular queer, feminist news and culture website, I’ve taken that piece of advice to heart and always want to uplift other women of color writers and feature their work on our site. I think our team has done an excellent job of being an inclusive space but my ultimate dream would to have another QWOC senior editor steering this ship. And besides that, I want more essays by QWOC that aren’t focused on her experiences of being othered or being compared to white people.

What’s the hardest part of your position?
The hardest part of my job is perhaps finding a stopping place each day because our work is never “done.” There’s always a bijillion other things on my to-do lists/ our collective to-do lists so it can be hard figuring out when to call it quits for the day. The internet doesn’t sleep and it seems like we have to keep up with it too but we’re humans and we need to eat, sleep and spend time away from our computers in order to be creative and productive throughout the work week.

Favorite online writer/editor / or like your hero?
This is such a hard question because I work with so many of my favorite writers/editors — I’m looking at you, senior editors! But I really admire all the internet famous, millennial (I’m one too so I say that with love, ok) online writers/editors who are really hustling out there, creating really interesting, good work like Arabelle Sicardi, Fariha Roísín, Jazmine Hughes and Ashley Ford.

What do you wish people understood about your job?
I wish people understood that 1.) my job is a legit job and 2.) it’s such a non-traditional, non-9-5 job that it doesn’t follow the rules many people follow. My job defies the laws of everything you thought you knew about how to make a living so yes, me watching this super gay trailer for Suicide Kale is called work or finding an appropriate feature image with two women who could possibly be flirting with one another is work too. And I know, it’s 8:30 p.m. and you might be done with work because you’re out of the office, but I’m not done with work because tomorrow’s posts aren’t scheduled yet because today’s to-do list just took more time than expected.

Favorite snack to eat while working?
Roasted garlic hummus from Trader Joe’s! I’m not sure what brand it is but it has a green lid. I always want to try something new with my snacks but I always end up going for hummus and baked pita chips. I should probably grab some fruit or veggies next time, huh.

What would be the song that a montage of you doing your job would be set to?
“Coffee” by Sylvan Esso

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YOU WILD AND CRAZY BISEXUAL LADIES

Audrey: Is EliteDaily a parody site? Am I drunk? What is happening?
4 Reasons Why It’s F*cking Awesome Being Bisexual
Stef: Oh my god
This is exactly what it’s like! It’s like she’s been watching my whole life
Audrey: I seriously don’t understand if this is real or a parody post.
Rachel: I do not think it is a parody site? I hope I am wrong
Riese: It’s not. It’s a real site.
Stef: I don’t understand what you guys mean
this is a perfect explanation of what it’s like
“What could be more delicious than heading to a bar with some friends and flirting with and enjoying the company of every single person in the room?”
EVERY SINGLE PERSON
“You’re suddenly a forbidden fruit, and most peeps will feel that danger and want a slice of that pie.”
Audrey: Also this is tagged “queer culture” and I am concerned that the word queer has been overly reclaimed
Stef: I am not only a fruit I am also a pie
I could be a cake or a ganache
if I wanted
being bisexual is so ​˜freeing˜​
Audrey: I would like to be a parfait. Because I have layers.
Stef: “There are so many options, and you can change up your look, how you act, and the people you attract at the click of a finger. The same goes for when you’re in bed with someone. Want to get on top? Feeling dominant today?”
You boring lesbians have NO IDEA, I might wear a dress tomorrow
also the constant orgies
Audrey: I DID get hit on by a man at a lesbian bar on Saturday night. It made me feel very free and also like a pastry.
Rachel: I think my favorite part is how we’re all, um, safe and happy?
Stef: Yeah everything’s great
Rachel: That is what takes it to the point of like Dadaist absurdity to me
Stef: The biggest problem I have as a bisexual woman is really narrowing it down to who I will invite to my orgy
Everyone in the bar? everyone sitting on the left?
Everyone in a collared shirt?
Audrey: Only the slightly masculine presenting people? Only people with long hair???!!!!
Stef: They could cut their hair tomorrow if only they were bisexual
I don’t even understand #4
“people will talk behind your back because you’re having such a fun crazy time
but don’t let it get to you! just keep doing your thing, you wild indecisive bisexual tornado”
Audrey: I am pretty sure this writer thinks bisexuality is literally a thing straight girls do for attention before they marry corporate lawyers
and like, in that universe I guess this is an ok list???
Rachel: I feel this could be accurate if it were labeled “4 most fun things about being a TV character who is bisexual”
Audrey: “4 most fun things about being Rose from Jane The Virgin”
Raquel: “You get to dramatically murder your rich husband and sleep with his daughter”
Audrey: “Your hair will be constantly perfect except when it works to your advantage to have just climbed up a hill in the rain”
Stef: “You will be a forbidden fruit and also a kugel”
Lydia: I’m glad i get to be both girly AND boyish
also the author makes sesame milk
so she is wild and fun toooo guys

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Tattoos!

Some of our team got new ink in 2015. Would you like to see it? Okay, here you go!

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SLACKERS

Hey, did you hear we got a PAID SLACK ACCOUNT? Y’all. Truly, you have no idea how much this has changed our lives. Anyway, would you like to see which emojis the senior editors use the most in Slack? The common themes are: We take a lot of showers, eat a lot of tacos, hug a lot of Garfields, and express our anger with :yvonne-angry: face.

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December Retro-Reading

Some posts from previous Decembers Riese thinks you might enjoy.

My Top 8 Favorite Authors Series (2012), This was a minseries we launched in December of 2012, in which we told you who our all-time fave babes were. So if you’ve ever wondered who floats the boats of Riese, Vanessa, Malaika, Ali, Hansen, and Rachel, this is your lucky day!

Top 10s to End 2010: Top 10 Unpublish/ed/able WordPress Drafts (2010), by Riese & Laneia – For the record, “omg shoes” remains in drafts.

Asian Evasion: How Minority College Applicants Bypass Racial Discrimination (2011), by Whitney Pow – Whitney pretty much always nails it, especially when she’s writing about race.

Surviving Winter: The Kit (2011), by Laura Wooley – I think we can all agree that Laura Wooley is pretty amazing at living her best life so you should do whatever she says.

Style Thief: How To Dress Like Carrie Brownstein (2012), by Lizz Rubin – Never goes out of style.

Hooray! It’s A Party! A Queer Holiday Horror Story (2013) by Krista Burton, a.k.a. Effing Dykes – A hilarious and handy guide to handling the hilarity of a party which contains all of your exes, all of their exes, and so on.

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Heather WON AN AWARD

This month, Heather won a 2015 Plain English Campaign Media Award for her article about how Fox News brainwashes viewers! YAY HEATHER!

Heather: Oh well, we’ve won Plain English Campaign’s Media Award for 2015 for our Fox News piece.
Rachel: Heather, for YOUR fox news piece!
we should put that in the newsletter
about Heather’s award!
the Heather award for Heather
Heather: I award the Heather award to Holland Taylor and Sarah Paulson
for honing my investigative skills to an Olivia Benson degree today

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ALUMNI NEWSLETTER

Taylor Hatmaker, Technostraddle Editor/A-Camp Staple, 4 years at Autostraddle (2009-2013), 3 years at A-Camp (2012 –>)

What are you doing without us?
I am lost without you. Actually, I work as staff at A-Camp and my life mostly revolves around my Autostraddle fam, so, uh, I don’t do a whole lot without you tbh. Oh, but like for work I am a technology editor/journalist.

What do you miss the most about me?
I miss the nearly unconditional positive regard of the Autostraddle comments section. The community is so warm and positive compared to publishing communities on the rest of the Internet. Never go to the rest of the Internet.

Would you invite us to your wedding, yes or no?
Uh duh I would invite you to my wedding. I’m pretty sure Autostraddle would officiate my wedding, account for most of the attendees including the person I was marrying and like obviously Robin would take very flattering photos and we would give Riese a lot of vodka and she would make a speech and idk I don’t go to a lot of weddings is that kind of how it goes?

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Five Posts Rachel: Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

I Really Feel Like I Have a Home and Other Genderqueer Highlights from 2015, a roundtable organized by Audrey and featuring Anna Bongiovanni, Tyler Ford, Alok Vaid-Menon, CJ Kemal Daniel Bruce, Aida Manduley, Alaina Monts and Audrey

Well this is just the neatest thing! Truly and absolutely! There’s such an amazing range of people in here and I am so grateful to get to read and consider their thoughts, and I think if you made yourself a sandwich or possibly some triscuits with hummus and sat down to read it you would just be really glad you did.

One American Goes to See 30 Americans by Aisha

I love this! So much! I love it. Aisha’s writing is so smart and also so compassionate, and I admire how her personal writing is willing to take an uncompromising look inside herself in a very human way. Anyways I had already read a bit about the exhibit, 30 Americans, that’s discussed here but I would never have thought about a lot of what she talks about here without reading this piece, and also let’s be honest this piece is about more than the art exhibit, really, but I can’t explain it very well so you should just go read it.

A+ Podcast Eight: Nailin’ It featuring Gabby Rivera interviewing Jasika Nicole, nail artist Allie Katz, Mey Rude interviewing Janet Mock, Krista Burton of Effing Dykes, DeAnne Smith and more!

This is cheating a bit because this isn’t something you were supposed to read, really, but I just want to plug this briefly because this podcast turned out SO good and it’s probably the best one we’ve done so far? You’re really hurting no one but yourself if you don’t listen to it, just saying.

Adventure Time Lets Marceline and Princess Bubblegum Grow Up and Old Together by Heather

God bless you weirdos, you are obsessed with Adventure Time. We get near-constant requests for Adventure Time recaps, for thinkpieces on Bubbline; sometimes I wake up in the dead of night and am convinced there is someone somewhere in my apartment who wants to ask us for more Adventure Time coverage. Haha just kidding about that last one, mostly! The point is, if you don’t read and appreciate the thing Heather DID write about Adventure Time for you, then when you ask for a puppy and promise that you’ll feed it EVERY DAY I’m gonna remind you of this give you a disappointed look.

Gayby Maybe Queer Parenting Roundtable organized by KaeLyn and featuring Christina, Asher, Polly & Jess, KaeLyn, Marybeth & Michelle and Lucy Hallowell

I am staying in a house right now for the holidays where there is a small baby present — again, not even my baby or one I am responsible for, I am just in the presence of one — and I cannot get over how weird it is. What the fuck are babies? Why does he think this thing is so funny but this other thing makes him cry and this third thing makes him fart, somehow? How can anything be so small? Is he allowed to put that in his mouth? WHAT ARE BABIES and where do they come from. If you are a human who is considering not just being near a smaller human, but raising one or more, you probably also have questions. WELL great news: a whole host of smart and wise people with experience in this area have answered many of those questions for you! I know, what is this, Christmas? Anyways if you missed it you should for sure check it out now!

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Rachel’s Pick of the Month

Cutting Open the Bag Inside a Box of Wine

The beauty of box wine, aside from its fundamental status of being wine that comes from the inside of a box, is its cost-efficiency. Depending upon your brand, you’re paying about $1.50 per glass of wine, and it doesn’t go bad virtually as soon as you open it! The only tragedy is that this blessing upon you has to come to an end at some point. You deserve to postpone this eventuality for as long as possible, which is why I’m giving you permission to live your best life and, once wine has stopped coming out of the spigot on the box, opening up the box, pulling out the plastic bag of wine inside, cutting it open with scissors and pouring straight from the bag to finish it off. Somewhere from within the opaque fog of history, Maenads are pausing their wine-fueled orgy to nod at you in approval, you and your willingness to do what it takes to pursue your dreams.

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Mey I Can’t

Riese: Praise goddess that this terrible fucking atrocity of a movie didn’t have the chance to destroy and bungle a lesbian subplot as well: ‘Love Actually’ Had A Heartbreaking Lesbian Subplot That Was Cut
Mey: That’s one of my favorite movies of all time. I watch it at least three times every holiday season. Not a joke
Riese: Mey I can’t
I have hated this movie with the burning passion of a thousand furious suns since I first saw it in 2004
Then last year suddenly it became a trend, to hate that movie, but prior to that time, it was just me
Just me, alone out here, trying to explain to everybody why Love Actually is the worst fucking movie in the history of cinema
and I’m not against romantic comedies
just this one
Mey: Also, I’ve known about this cut lesbian subplot for a while because I’m a superfan and research trivia about the movie
Because I love it so much
Riese: I CANNOT
WITH
THIS
Stef: Mey knows the secret history of everything
Riese: Maybe she knows the secret history of me wishing Love Actually had never happened
Laura: I don’t think that is a secret.
Riese: That’s true
Mey: I even ripped the version of “All I Want For Christmas Is You” sung by the girl who grew up to be Marceline from Adventure Time off of youtube so I could put it on my ipod
Riese: I have been yelling about how much I hate this movie for ten years
Stef: This is true
There are worse movies I think
Riese: Lindy West did a better job than me explaining how terrible it is
The thing is that at least like, The Human Centipede, everybody knows that it’s bad
the problem with “Love Actually” is that perfectly normal intelligent people like Heather Hogan, my actual girlfriend, and Mey Rude, enjoy and endorse the film
Mey: Oh, I definitely read that article when it came out and it did nothing but make me love it more
Stef: I haven’t watched it in a long time but I feel like I don’t mind it as background noise any more than I miss literally any other Christmas movie I don’t relate to or care about
Riese: My rage began the moment the DVD finished playing and I turned to my roommate’s friend Mark and said “Oh my god I can’t beleive how terrible that was” and he said “Oh I loved it!”
Stef: I don’t think I would ever seek it out on purpose
unless I was at a christmas party at Mey’s house
Riese: And then Natalie went ahead and DATED Mark for like six months, despite that
Stef: Natalie!!
Riese: He was mean to her
Stef: Despite the heartwarming messages of Love Actually?!
Mey: Every year I find a friend of mine who hasn’t seen it and show it to them to spread the true gospel of the season
Riese: Yes, despite it
Stef: Well, at least she didn’t date Hugh Grant I guess
I look forwards to krampus being the new heartwarming holiday film
Riese: Every X-Mas season i watch at least ten Lifetime christmas movies starring washed-up actors from Melrose Place that I like more than Love Actually
Heather: Love Actually has the greatest line of dialogue in cinematic history: “fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!”
Riese: Did the only character I like say that line?
Mey: I’m probably gonna watch it this week thanks to you bringing it up Riese
Riese: The only character I liked was the washed up rock and roll guy
Oh and the little girl. Everybody else can die in a fire
I wish it had ended like that movie Dogma where everybody dies and then Alanis Morisette wearing a bedsheet blesses them all
Mey: What about Sad Emma Thompson listening to Joni Mitchell and crying?
Riese: NOT TODAY SATAN

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XOXO Team Autostraddle