I am a gifted musician and was hand selected by Kurt Masur to play alongside the New York Philharmonic Orchestra for two seasons, I was four months old at the time. One of my greatest success’s includes single handedly saving the Tarsier from Critically Endangered IUCN status using only the foil from a four fingered KitKat and a mitten.

Over the last bank holiday Monday I built a working time machine. Now would be a good time to mention that I’m also immortal. I have a deep interest in bikram yoga, light jogging and astral projection.

I successfully shut down the reactors at both Chernobyl and Fukushima. I’m a two time Taekwondo Olympic gold medallist and have been previously compared to Xena: The Warrior Princess. I farm prize winning clams and during my lunch breaks I build structurally sound feats of engineering.

On Thursday’s I teach watercolour painting to underprivileged children.