Since I began a strength training journey that eventually turned me into a competitive athlete a few years ago, I often get asked how people can get started on their own strength training and weight lifting endeavors. For many, the prospect of beginning a new routine, especially one that does require a small shift in your daily lifestyle, and sticking with it seems incredibly daunting. For queer and trans people particularly, getting into the gym can be even more intimidating given what we’ve been led to believe about gyms, their cultures, and the people who lift weights regularly. Rightfully so, on both accounts: Building a strength training routine does require you to accommodate the time it takes to get in and out of the gym, and the general act of weightlifting has historically been assigned as yet another example of “toxic masculinity” in process. But what I’ve gathered from these frequent conversations about getting started is that there are a lot of people who are wondering where to begin, and it’s hard to find straightforward advice.

Before we get started, I want to remind you of something many people seem to ignore: The right time to start something new is anytime. Yes, I said it, you’re allowed to embark on a new endeavor and begin working towards a new goal whenever you want. However, since it’s December and the year is coming to a close, I also know many of us are reflecting on what we’ve accomplished and what we’d like to do in the coming year. I’m sure some of you reading this are trying to figure that out, too, and if the cycles of our society are any indication, I’m sure many people are setting fitness goals for the new year.

As you’re reading this guide, please remember these are just practical steps for getting you moving on your strength training and weightlifting goals. In future articles, we’ll explore more specifics, such as why strength training is beneficial and what you can do with it, but we’re going to take it slowly at first, as you should when you’re diving into something new to you.

Step 1: Find Your “Why”

Typing that out felt incredibly hokey and cliche to me, but I think it’s an essential part of getting started on any new task or goal that is going to require a lot of time and effort from you.

If you’ve been thinking about getting into strength training and weightlifting, ask yourself why you want to do it. It can be literally any reason, but you should be clear on whatever it is because that’s what will get you through your hardest and most fatigued days at the gym in the beginning.

Building a new fitness routine of any kind is more of a test of your ability to find pleasure in the discipline of the process rather than your intrinsic motivation. There will be a lot of days as you’re just starting out where you’ll feel like you’d prefer not to have started this new routine altogether, and you’ll have to find ways to combat that. What I’ve noticed over the last few years is that motivation as a concept is too weak in this department to work consistently. You need something more, and that something more is the reason you’re going to the gym and lifting heavy things in the first place. Having a specific reason for why you’ve decided to take on this difficult task will remind you that you must keep going even on the days when you’d rather make a bee-line for your bedroom after work or school or whatever other exhausting things you do with your day.

Your “why” is what will ground you as you move forward, and you won’t have to depend on feeling “right” or “excited” every time you know you have to pack your shit and go to the gym. Knowing you’ve made an agreement with yourself you intend to keep is the key to discipline here, and discipline is the key to staying on top of your goals.

The best part of this is that your “why” can stay between you and yourself, and no “why” is a bad reason to start. You can start doing this simply to get stronger in general, to help improve some of your skills in another sport you play, to get in better shape, or to beat off some of the stresses of your days. I’m not here to tell you what your “why” should be. I’m just here to remind you that you have agency, and you’re free to make whatever decisions you want to make about this new fitness journey. And I’m urging you to hold that reason close to you from the start. Of course, your “why” will evolve over time, but wherever it is right now is a valid enough reason to begin.

Step 2: Overcome “Gymphobia”

Confronting fears and anxieties about going to the gym seems to be one of the biggest obstacles for the queer and trans people I speak with about beginning their strength training journeys. From the outside, it can certainly feel like you don’t belong there, that there isn’t any space for anyone beyond the typical “gymbro,” or that danger lurks around every corner for anyone who doesn’t fit the narrow definition of what a gym-goer should look like. And I completely understand why, even though the gym is incredibly queer-coded to me at all times. Not only are we living in the age of the “Man-O-Sphere” where many of the losers who make content with that bent are also avid gym-goers but, generally speaking, gyms have also been perceived as being unwelcoming to anyone who isn’t a cishet male with a serious need to assert dominance over others since at least the 1970s. I don’t want to use a lot of this space to debunk these conceptions entirely, but I will say that what we think happens in gyms and what actually happens there are not exactly in sync with one another.

Sure, there are a lot of people who go to the gym regularly who fulfill the stereotypes I’ve described above, but that also describes a lot of spaces in our society that we walk in and out of every day. What makes the gym so different? I guess because it feels more concentrated when you’re just looking around in the gym, but our perceptions of who people are and who they actually will be upon meeting us are sometimes at odds. Since I began strength training, I’ve had the opportunity to lift in a few different kinds of gyms, and one thing remains the same everywhere I go: Mostly, people don’t give a shit who you are or why you’re there. They’re paying that establishment because it provides a service to them and the service is what they’re there for, just like you. You’re all paying the same price of admission.

Moreover, their goals are similar, and I’ve found  this creates a unique bond between everyone there, often subconsciously creating a friendly and welcoming — if not visibly inclusive — atmosphere in the space. The sweaty, mean-looking “gymbros” aren’t there to fight or to cause trouble — they’re there to lift their asses off. It might be scary to walk in and see them grunting and yelling inside of the squat rack, but they’re not going to prevent you from doing the same exact thing. In fact, you might even catch them cheering you on or offering some helpful advice about your form. The more often you go to the gym, the more you’ll see this happen because you’ll be encountering the same people all the time.

The gym is a unique “third space” in that it kind of becomes a de facto community even if you don’t put effort into making it a community space. Despite whatever unfortunate clickbait content you might see online, the day-to-day activities of the gym and the people who go there are pretty boring. It’s a bunch of people picking up and putting down heavy shit for the sake of getting bigger and stronger. On top of that, there are a lot of regular gym goers who do what they can to make sure we’re all safe and comfortable in the space. People aren’t there to “get” you. In fact, it’s often quite the opposite: They’re either locked in and focused on their own heavy circles or they’re encouraging you to do the impossible with whatever body you’ve got. They belong there, and so do you.

I won’t pretend this is true everywhere because I’m sure it’s not, but I do think it’s your right to be in any place you want, gym included. And if that’s not comforting enough, you’ll also find that most gyms have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to certain behaviors, harassment of any kind being one of those. You can speak with the personnel who own or work at the gym to find out what their specific policies are so you know you’re covered even before you begin.

Step 3: Find a Gym That’s Right For You

Finding a gym that feels like a good fit for you can be somewhat challenging but can also help calm some of your “gymphobia” and will help you succeed in keeping your routine alive. You just need to practice a little patience when it comes to figuring out where you should be spending your time and money.

No matter where you live, you’ll likely have two options when it comes to finding a good place to lift weights: You can work out at a commercial gym or a private gym. Commercial gyms include places like Planet Fitness, LA Fitness, YouFit, Crunch, and Equinox. With the exception of Equinox, the going rates for commercial gyms are usually between $10 and $30 per month. Commercial gyms usually have a variety of cardio machines and weight machines more than anything else. Although some commercial gyms do have deadlift platforms, squat racks, and racks for bench pressing, that’s not true of every location for every chain. There are other amenities — like locker rooms with showers or access to pools and exercise classes — that you might not find in private gyms. For the most part, I think commercial gyms are great places to start when it comes to general strength training and weight lifting. The machines are easy to use, and they usually have enough equipment to help get you strong at the beginning of your journey. Plus, they’re not very expensive.

Private gyms are mostly a lot smaller and have a lot of specialty strength sports equipment that commercial gyms don’t have. They have a lot fewer members coming in and out of the gym, and members are given a private code or key to access the gym at whatever time they want. Usually, private gyms don’t have the same kinds of amenities as commercial gyms, but that’s not necessarily a negative. In commercial gyms, restrooms and locker rooms are separated by sex/gender, whereas with private gyms, that’s not usually the case. In general, private gyms offer a lot more discretion and seclusion that would be difficult to replicate in a commercial gym environment. However, that usually does come with a more costly price tag. I lift in a private gym that costs $70/month, but I’ve seen prices range from $50 to $150. It’s certainly not as affordable as a commercial gym, but I think it’s an important option for queer and trans people who are intimidated by gyms to consider nonetheless. To search for private gyms in your area, you might want to check out any places that have “barbell” or “strength gym” in the name. That’s the best place to start.

Many people don’t know that you can ask to meet with a trainer at these gyms and take a tour to see what it looks like and how it’s set up. You can speak with the people who work there and ask any questions you might have about beginning your weight lifting journey, using the gym equipment, and any policies or requirements the gym has for its members. You can also do a trial workout at any of these places by purchasing a day pass. These are usually cheap and allow you to stay at the gym for as long as you want. This can help you familiarize yourself with the gym and its equipment, see what kind of people might be there around the time you want to go, and let you get acquainted with the trainers and attendants who work there. Spending some time getting day passes to the gyms in your area before you decide to become a member can help you figure out where you’re most comfortable and build confidence when it comes to beginning this new routine.

Step 4: Decide on a Routine

Honestly, the best gym routine is the one that works for you. I don’t mean you should give yourself a pass from going as many days as you could; I just mean you need to find something you’ll really stick to in the beginning. When I began strength training, I went all-in on a five days a week program, and that worked for me, but I’m not under the illusion that it’s the best for everyone. When people ask me how many days they should go, I say they should start with three or four days, and I say they should pick a time that feels right for them. You don’t have to wake up at five in the morning or go right after work. There are people at the gym at all hours of its operation, and you should be focused on creating a schedule for yourself that you’ll actually stick to.

Right now, I strength train on a very simple four day split every week: full upper body, full lower body, full upper body, full lower body. Some people close to me strength train on very simple three day splits every week: chest, shoulders, and triceps on day one; full lower body on day two; and back and biceps on day three. A friend of mine who I coach does non-strength-sport-specific weight lifting and only trains twice a week: one full upper body day and one full lower body day. Others I know have more complicated routines or use a day to do strictly mobility work or hop on a cardio machine for high or low intensity workouts. Strength training anywhere from two to five days a week will, without a doubt, make you stronger over time. It’s just that the amount of days you train relative to the amount of days you rest is what will bring you to your goals faster or slower. If you have serious goals of getting stronger in a certain period of time, you will obviously need to pick a routine that will help you get there. If you’re just looking to get stronger in general and have no time-specific goals, then you can pick a routine that’s a bit more flexible. Just make sure whatever you do, you’re also prioritizing rest and recovery. You can’t build muscle without having time for the muscle to actually heal and get stronger through that healing.

Learning what to do at the gym when you go for those two, three, or four days is a little more complicated than finding a weekly routine that works best for you. The costliest option is to hire a strength training/weightlifting coach or trainer, either to work with you in person or to train you virtually by building programs specifically tailored to your needs and goals. You can find both in-person trainers and virtual trainers by doing some research online, by talking to people who work at the gym you’ve recently become a member of, or by talking to people you know who are currently doing strength training.

If hiring a coach isn’t affordable for you, that’s totally fine, but it will take a little effort from you to get started. There are a plethora of beginner’s strength training programs that are available online for you to take advantage of once you’ve gotten to the gym. In this case, I recommend buying and studying a program like Couch to Barbell, since it has everything you need to get started on your strength training journey. If that feels like too much to spend, two free programs I really like come from the strength training publications Muscle & Fitness and Muscle & Strength. Like Couch to Barbell, these programs have everything you need to get started, including helpful links about the movements, videos, and advice for engaging with these particular programs.

To me, studying programs, engaging with weightlifting content, and looking at how other people strength train is an essential part of learning how to get stronger. Even though I have a coach, reading and reviewing the free programs out there on the web has helped me improve my understanding of strength training and weightlifting and helped me become a better, safer, and more confident lifter. I know it’s time-consuming, but I recommend you spend some time doing the same before you solidify your routine.

Final Tips

Aside from these four steps, there are only two other things I suggest when it comes to getting started on your strength training and weightlifting journey.

First, don’t be afraid to ask for help: Reach out to people who lift weights regularly, speak with people in your gym, and consult online sources as you’re beginning your journey. Like any skill or sport, there is so much you need to learn about strength training to ensure you’re lifting in the most optimal and least injury-prone ways.

Second, have some fun with this. At its core, strength training is something you’re doing for you and for you only. There’s no team you have to perform with, there aren’t any goals to score, and there aren’t any spectators gawking at you from the sidelines. Mess up all you want, dance in between your sets, and do whatever it takes to get yourself through your hard workouts. The time is yours. Do whatever you want with it in the pursuit of strength.

Have questions about any of this or strength training in general? Drop them in the comments!

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