Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we’ve decided to dedicate an entire post to answering them every month instead! We think this will be a lot of fun for everybody in the whole family. We have included as many as we can. We love you, your hair looks fantastic today!

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BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Hi, I want to buy a gal pal shirt and I was wondering how the merch discount for A+ members works. Is there a discount code somewhere that I’ve missed, or is the discount not offered all the time? Thanks in advance! I’m already glad I decided to subscribe. Ivy
Riese: Hello Ivy! Your name is cool. I wish my name was Ivy. Anyhow! There aren’t discounts all the time, just sometimes. Look out for them hiding in A+ Insiders, sidebars, your e-mail boxes and other mysterious places!

How many A+ members do you have now? What % are each level? Are there any plans to create a level between silver and gold?
Riese: We have 1,636 A+ members as of this morning! 10% gold, 12% cobalt, 36% bronze and 41.4% silver.

We have no plans to create a level between silver and gold, but if we did what would we call it? Could we call It Silver and a Bag Of Chips level? Would it have different incentives or just be another way to give us money?

How are things going with the new Cobalt system?
Riese: SO WELL! We’ve had so many new people sign up and I fell asleep within an hour of lying my head on my pillow at least six times since we launched it. I’m so excited about it, I feel like now people are starting to “get it.” We also got a lot of upgrades, which was thrilling!

Dear A+ Priority Contact Box, Even though I know the vapid fluff tote bag is black, I still see it as a really dark blue. Please can you garner opinion on whether this is just me having weirdo eyes, or whether other people may think the same, in some sort of queer accessory equivalent of the blue and black dress. Love, Sally
Yvonne says: Sally, I believe it is black.

Hey I want to donate ten Cobalt A+ memberships to random people how do I do that?
Riese: There’s no way to do that, I’m sorry! Honestly your best bet would be just to offer it on a  thread about A+ next time we have one and let people who want one message you.

when is camp 2016? plzzzz tryna plan bachelorette things around it.
Riese: It’s in the neighborhood of May 29th – June 3rd.

hi is there any way you can convince my internet hero mallory ortberg to come to a camp?
Rachel: I don’t know! It would be neat if we could! I would volunteer to carry her luggage down that rocky hill situation where the buses and cars park.

So, did a lot of people cancel their Bronze memberships in order to switch to Cobalt?
Riese: Nope. Only two that I know of. Y’all are really amazing, so.

Will the STRADDLE THIS underwear ever come back? What about the red ones?
Riese: Maybe!

Hi! I don’t know how to edit my profile to add a photo or change my name… Help? JK JK IT WAS BELOW THE FOLD ON THE PAGE. so nevermind, i’ve got this :P
Rachel says: YEAH YOU DO

THE NEW SCISSORING BOXERS ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rachel says: YEAH THEY ARE

the store looks soooo goooood
Heather says: Everything in that store would look so good on YOU!

The new shop looks epic! Also love the Autostraddle models. Riese, is that your ute? Or is some random person’s ute now Autostraddle (manualstraddle?) famous?
Riese says: That is my fiancé Abby’s Ford Ranger! It’s very famous.

Can you guys tell how often I go back and look at my own activity feed to see if someone paid attention to me? Are you guys watching me and judging me? ARE YOU (i am)
Rachel says: We would never, on both counts.

Hi! Are you still sending sticker to A+ members even if they live far far away (Europe)? I subscribed in August and I’m checking my mailbox everyday since then, should I stop? Either way, it’s fine. I’m really happy with my subscription, you’re sooo great! I hope the Gal Pal interviews will stick around because I will need to talk to you about it when I find the Riese to my Laneia. Have a nice day :)
Riese: Firstly, the “when I find the Riese to my Laneia” is the cutest idea anybody has ever had. Secondly, yes, we do send A+ stickers to Europe and they usually go out within a week or so of when you signed up. However, a lot of them get sent back to us — you can email abby [at] autostraddle [dot] com to find out more information on your particular sticker.

Will Kristin and Dannielle be at the next A-Camp???
Riese: We haven’t started figuring out talent for next year’s A-Camp yet but I sure hope so! They had a really nice time.

Are the comment tabbies at the bottom of the posts gone for good? I’m sure y’all have a good reason but I am sad about it, they were so helpful. Also can’t wait to order my space haaaaat also my dog just farted herself awake and it was glorious.
Heather says: Hey, guess what? They’re back! Thanks for letting us know what you like about our site so we can do more of that and make your life happier and more fulfilled!

Turn off Ad Block Pro for Autostraddle dot com and intermittently click on ads so the team gets paid ya’ll !
Heather says: Correct, yes! This is the correct answer!

wait can we no longer click right to comments from the front page? Is this intentional? I love you guys but if this is intentional I’m gonna be that whiny person who says: I’m kinda not super into it.
Heather says: We have heard your cry and answered it! You can now get to our (uncommonly awesome) comments in just one click from the home page (again!).

Also I posted a long ass FOT comment today finally, and it hasn’t shown up? It’s been like an hour? Am I going insane? Do I have to retype the whole thing? I’M SORRY I’M NEEDY AND COMPLAINY TODAY
Heather says: I have looked in the comment queue and I don’t see a comment awaiting moderation on any of our Friday Open Threads, so yes, you will have to retype it. Or! Another idea is comment on this week’s FOT instead, so we’ll be sure not to miss seeing your lovely words and cute face.

I am so fucking sick and tired of people hating on slytherins. and i miss the comment things on the homepage. one of the most important things about this website is the sense of community created in the comments, and without the comment links below every post it makes it a lot more difficult to keep up with the conversation. also it’s nice to have a link that sends you directly to the comments, my internet is really slow and it takes a lot longer to load the comments when I just click the regular headline link. that said, if it makes a big difference in the number of views and the amount of money y’all can bring in, obviously i think you should keep it the way it is now. But if it doesn’t really make much of a difference, it would be great to have them back. This is not a complaint! I love y’all. I just feel very disconnected from like my entire life right now and this is just another thing that is adding on and making me feel more disconnected (obvi this is not your fault but it is a thing that is happening). also i’m kinda drunk and I almost kissed a married person today, so it’s been a weird one. also FUCK donald trump for real.
Heather says: Goodness, lamb, you had quite a day! Well, the good news is we have returned the comments to the home page at to the request of many people, so that’s one less thing to worry about. Also, fuck Donald Trump, yes. We agree with you there too. Here’s the thing about people hating on Slytherins, I think: It’s easy. Slytherins are an easy target, and especially because we experienced all of Harry Potter through the eyes of Harry himself, who was a teenage boy and a Gryffindor, both of which things add up to a perspective that isn’t particularly nuanced. Rowling painted Slytherins (and Gryffindors) with a pretty broad brush. The other thing is that the people who hate on Slytherin the most are the people who are scared of the parts of themselves that are Slytherin-y: their ambition, their self-preservation instinct, their unwillingness to apologize for going after what they want. That’s an especially true thing in communities with lots of women because the patriarchy conditions us to hate those things about ourself. So I think what you do is be the Slytherin you want to see in the world and work to change people’s closed minds. I cast Expecto Patronum for you! My Patronus is a beagle.

I got my order from the new store hooray! Slightly confusing because the invoice said it should have a You Do You sticker. Which I didn’t order. And which wasn’t in the package. I obviously don’t need one since I didn’t order it, but fyi in case it’s a pattern or whatever.
Riese: Hm, that is bizarre — can you forward your e-mail to alex [at] autostraddle [dot] com?

Hey yall, just popping in to voice that I miss being able to see the comment count for articles on the homepage. I used it to see if articles I was casually following the comment thread on had new comments to check out or not. Now I have to click through each article individually- which is maybe good for your reader count? But a drag for me, personally. Anyway, I’m sorry to bother! You are all really awesome! Just wanted to give some brief feedback.
Heather says: Thank you for your feedback, caramel apple! We’ve made the switch back!

maaaaaaybe the A+ comments on first person essays shouldn’t pop up in the sidebar?
Riese: I asked Cee about this and she said, “i agree — it’s not easy to do though. It’s on my master list of bugs/things to improve. I dont’ want any A+ comments on the sidebar for non logged in folks.”

Hi AS! I just wanted to let you know I miss having the comment counts on articles on the front page. Sometimes that is what draws me in! Love you guys and the site looks great.
Heather says: Well, thank you. We love you and your hair looks great! Also, as you’ve probably noticed, the comments have returned to the home page.

You need an easier link to merch — ideally above the fold! Not only for you guys but it’s not so easy to find the link for those who NEED more autostraddle things.
Riese: [UPDATE: We do now!] I know! It’s on Alex & Cee’s Fun List of Fun Things To Do Whenever They Have Time To Do Something Fun. We also need a “support us” button front-and-center (with a drop-down to merchandise, Join A+, donate and the affiliate marketplace), and need our social media buttons to be easier to find on the homepage or for mobile and WE NEED SO MANY THINGS

OMG the comment numbers are showing again??? I am so happy! I know it sounds weird but when they were off I felt really disengaged because like half the time I love reading the comments as much as the articles and sometimes there are super interesting discussions in the comments and I’d always check in during the day to see what was happening and then the comments were gone and I felt lost and stopped checking in and it felt weird and I’m sure you had your reasons BUT I AM SO HAPPY THEY ARE BACK!!!!!!
Heather says: We are happy that you are happy!

Is there any more guidance you can provide on merch sizing? I want to buy the scissoring boxer briefs but can’t figure out what the best size is. I’m slightly shorter than Alex but also I think not as thin (5’3.75″ and 130? 135? pounds? I haven’t been weighed in like six years, oops). I have a pair of “straddle this” boxer briefs in a Large, which fits enough that I still happily wear it but which is definitely larger than ideal. Sorry this is a really self-involved question. Could there maybe be a forum or comments section on the merch site where people can discuss sizing, like ModCloth has?
Riese: It sounds like you are maybe similar in size to my activity partner who wears a small in the boxer-briefs, but she likes them to be really tight underneath her pants and is fairly slim-hipped. She says “small or medium” would be good. We don’t have the capability to do what Modcloth does, but we have added an Image Gallery to the store site, and we would really encourage anybody who’s comfortable doing so to put their height / size / weight in the caption of their instragram or tumblr post tagged with #autostraddlemerch to be included there.

I like to read autostraddle via my RSS reader. Do you still get page hits from that? my RSS reader sends me direct to the site to read full articles, so I assume so?
Heather says: Yes, we sure do. When you click through, we get the page view. Do you have to keep your RSS reader clean and tidy? My girlfriend can’t even sleep if she doesn’t get her unread count down to zero before she goes to bed.  Hey, and thanks for checking about this!

I really want to buy a queer calendar for my small office next year, are you guys gonna release one? I seem to remember this was thing. If not, you have any suggestions of queer organizations who make calendars that I could support?? I’ve had one in the past gifted to me and I LOVVVEEDD IT! Thanks! You look very nice today!
Riese: It was a thing, it was! But it became too expensive and time-consuming to keep doing it. If @bklynboihood does another calendar this year, I would definitely pick one up. I’ve also been lusting after this Butch-Ups calendar from Cameron Esposito and Rhea Butcher.

Today I am missing camp and all of my second family a lot. September seems like the perfect month I miss everyone a little more. IDK WHY. SO MANY FEELINGS. Did I ever tell you guys that I tell everyone you are all my second family? My chosen family. You guys have saved my queer sanity. And I hope that Autostraddle will live forever.

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

I’ve been recommending this show to everyone. Episode 2 (Parents) gave me a lot of feelings. Resonated so much because I’ve been trying to show more appreciation and thanks to my mom, who immigrated to this country all by herself to give her kids and herself better lives.
Rachel: Is this about Master of None? I really liked that episode also! I wanna hang out with Aziz Ansari’s parents.

My life just reached level 10 gay: I’m at home, watching Buffy with my cat, alone. My ex-hookup-lady-friend calls me and asks if I can help her and her girlfriend move a large piece of furniture into their NEW HOME!!! I said yes, cause I like to see how far I can push my heart. 2 screw drivers, 6 workgloves, and 1 scratch on the floor later, we have succeeded. I am now at home, alone, drinking from the wine bottle I was given as a thank you for moving the furniture, and watching Buffy with my cat.
Yvonne says: Wow, that was really gay. But you probably shouldn’t do that to yourself, love. Next time, I think it’s ok to say no if you wanted to and just stayed home with your cat watching Buffy.

Got a Cobalt membership (thanks for the affordable rates!); productivity at work has plummeted.
Riese: Congratulations on living your best life, my friend.

Omg you guys. I just met the cutest gender studies major. I can’t even.
Riese: WHAT KIND OF PEN DOES SHE USE

So I never really buy magazines for my flights, but today I did because a special edition of The New Yorker Reader caught my eye–it’s a collection of longform essays on True Crime, from a wide range of decades and authors (Joan Didion!) and I wanted to make sure Riese knew about it because it fits in with a lot of what she’s linked from TIRTIL and so Riese, if you’re out there, you should look for it because I think you’d enjoy it!
Riese: Oh yes I am aware of this blessing upon our collective souls. Jasika Nicole has it and so does Carly Usdin and before long you know, I think I can have it too!

I got the first issue of the Autostraddle Weekly this week. What a fantastic idea! Loved it!
Yvonne says: YAY! I’m so glad you like it! I’ll be writing it next week so stay tuned! And for those of you who want to sign up, you can do it here.

I just ordered a Gal Pal crew neck from the shiny new store. I’ve been wanting to get one for awhile and I finally did! I’m so excited! Also, I got the shiny surprise newsletter in my e-mail today. I had a crappy day and this new teaching job is really hard/stressful. Thanks for making my day brighter!
Riese: Thank YOU for ordering a gal pal shirt!

I got the new email newsletter in my inbox today and I LOVED IT! Loved it! Loved it! Just when I think that there is no way for this community to become more awesome, you all raise the bar. This is just a little note to tell you that I appreciate all of the hard work that you do. You make so proud to spend my little bit of pennies here! I promise that when I have more pennies, I will spend more pennies. You make the world feel a little more like home.
Rachel: Thank you so much! We really appreciate your pennies and you opening our newsletter and appreciating it. We’re very proud of it, it’s like a tiny fawn that we raised from birth and is now graduating from high school and moving on to the university of its choice to study ecological justice.

klub deer 5EVER
Rachel says: See you there!

Riese, the piece you wrote about your long drive home with Abby did something to my heart that I can’t quite explain except to say I don’t think it’s going to be the same now. Thank you for sharing. Thank you. Witnessing or even glimpsing two people I care about loving and being in love with the adventure of loving each other is a shot of pure light to my surprisingly shadowy (black)heart. I love love. And I love you. And I love that you both love Michigan, or that you’re remembering how ❤
Riese: Isn’t it so magical how all our (black)hearts can be connected across the whole wide world!

I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH Whenever I have a shitty day all i have to do is come onto here and read comments and laugh and have feelings and I always feel so much better. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’ll never know what my little queer life would be like if my friend hadn’t introduced me to your site.
Rachel says: I’m glad you never had to find out what your life would be like without this! When I have a shitty day sometimes I reread nice Autostraddle reader comments, so this has really come FULL CIRCLE.

I just rewatched the three A+ lip sync videos from last year. They are sooo good! I hadn’t watched them since you put them up! I am sure they were soooo much work but it produced some really awesome fantastic videos! I love them and I love you
Riese: They were so much work but also so much fun! We’re still trying to figure out a good song for the holigays this year, what do you think? It needs to be like a pop or hip-hop rendition of a holiday song sung by a lady that would highlight Kayla Wilson’s lip sync queendom in its most flattering and crush-worthy light.

I was at the student union at Ohio State and saw that picture of Laura on display with others from the identity project. I kept looking at it, trying to figure out how I recognized her. It was Autostraddle! Of course it was Autostraddle.
Riese: Did you know that Intern Grace used to work at the Ohio State student union? And that my Dad went there for undergrad? I’m just saying, “of course it was Autostraddle.” (Also for everybody else who wants to see Laura Mandanas in the photo project, I talk about it here.)

Maybe I want to grow my hair out. How do I tell my girlfriend? Also, do I want to lose weight or do I not want to lose weight? I can’t decide and I am very much into cake right now.
Riese: This is how my girlfriend told me she wanted to grow her hair out: “I want to grow my hair out.” It worked pretty well. I don’t know if you want to lose weight right now though. I don’t even know about the cake. I think you should do whatever makes you feel happy and healthy. We got my Mom this enormous cake from Costco and it pretty much ruled our lives all weekend, it was pretty delicious.

so i thought i could not stand the kardashians but then they had a troop beverly hills themed baby shower and its like…maybe i love them? am i that easily taken? what is wrong with me? i need y’all to let me know if i should throw myself in an ocean k thanksss
Rachel: If you throw yourself into the ocean how are you gonna have a troop beverly hills baby shower of your very own

hello from the outsiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide (of sobriety. I am drunk and listening to adele. is what I am saying)
Yvonne says: Adele approves.

The gayest thing I did this week was use my black babeland gloves to knead a dough that was too sticky for my hands. God help me.
Riese: You don’t need G-d’s help because you are already a prophet.

If there is a God, and I ever meet said being, the first question I’m going to ask is “what kind of sick joke is it to make dogs’ lives so much shorter than ours?”
Heather says: You and me both, friend. You and me both.

Maybe I should keep a tally of the straight men who want to tell me what it means to be a lesbian and whether or not I am one using the terms “logical discussion,” “for the sake of debate,” or “just playing devil’s advocate”…?
Heather says: I am finding it increasingly difficult to be in in-person situations where the best way to respond to a jerk would be with a GIF but I can’t on account of the jerk is standing in front of my face. I wish you could get GIFs printed on business cards like the moving pictures in Harry Potter. My girlfriend has a folder on Google Drive called “misandry” and I would print all of those out and give you half of them and then you could shove them in the faces of these straight men.

Hi lovely humans, I just wanted to say how much I adored the Gal Pal series. I especially loved reading about how the different pairs of gal pals met each other and became friends because, as a person who’s not in school this September for the first time in 21 years, I am somewhat concerned about meeting friends (and more-than-friends, I suppose) in the Real World. However, the gal pal series assuaged these worries to an extent because I was able to read about the random situations people found themselves in that led to beautiful friendships. It’s inspired me to keep putting myself out in the world and being open to connecting with new people, because there’s no telling how important these people may become to me. So, basically, keep up the good work y’all!
Heather says: Thank you for taking the time to tell us what you like! It helps us to make more stuff that you like! We were especially proud of our Gal Pal series. Honestly, we’ll probably do it again one of these days, in an even bigger and better way. (But also still intimately.)

Why does the cooch-juice catcher liner on panties not start further forward?? Why???
Riese: Oh my goodness you just said “cooch-jucie” HOW DO I GO ON

can we talk about Homo naledi pleaaaaase, everyone I try to talk to just wants to make “no homo” jokes
Heather says: “Paleoanthropologist” is a hard word to spell. (I also cannot ever spell “rhythm” without looking it up, or “Pieszecki.”) So, yeah, Homo naledi. New species or actually Homo erectus? Good idea to publish your findings after two years, or should Berger have waited the standard decade and a half? So many questions! But to answer your main one: Yes, homo.

i had sex for the first time last night. with a woman, no less. So, naturally, I had to share with you all. OH MY GOD. that is all (and everything).
Heather says: You sure did! I hope it was everything you wanted it to be!

So I’m back in my “home” country after 10 years of being abroad (because visas + jobhunting are such bullshit) and urgh, I know I wrote that entire essay about “learning to love home again” but things haven’t really gotten any better! I’m still stuck at home with nothing to do, the Government here releases some sort of statement about how LGBTQ rights will never be a thing because Islam every two weeks or something, it’s hard for me to get a job because people announce racial preferences openly in job ads and it’s never mine, blah! I want to get out of here so bad but every attempt fails or gets me back here like a boomerang. I should be on a plane to New York for a 3 month workshop now and I couldn’t get enough money. I’m sad and lonely you guys I don’t know what to do :(
Yvonne says: I’m really sorry! :( This sounds like a horrible situation. This might be coming from my Western perspective, but here it goes: Can you find solace in any queer friends or just a really trustworthy friend/family member in your area? Is that a safe thing to do in your country? I think it would ease the burden of your circumstances if you had at least one person to talk to openly in person with. If not, internet friends could be your best choice to confide your feelings in for the time being. As for jobs, maybe you can you do freelance work outside of your country? Maybe you can get involved with activist groups in your area to combat the oppressions that are keeping you down? It might be satisfying work to do! These are probably just short term fixes, but I hope things get better for you, reader! I’m sending you positive vibes.

every time my GF does something that upsets me she convinces herself I am in a bad mood because of other things and no matter how I try to explain why I’m upset she just keep saying “You don’t have to be so disagreeable” and I want to scream.
Rachel says: Wow that is the worst! I’m sorry. I would be really tempted to be like “Yes I DO have to be so disagreeable because you are being THE WORST.” I think screaming is a valid option. I think the next time this happens you should ask her “Under what conditions would you actually believe that I’m upset about the thing I said I was upset about? Are there any?” and see how she takes it.

WOW. I am staying in a hostel in Greece with someone who looks a LOT like Laneia. It is very exciting for me. Ok tnx.
Laneia says: I really hope my doppelgänger was more personable and outgoing than I would’ve been! I hope you both enjoyed Greece! I hope so many things for so many people!

I just learned that otters sometimes rape baby seals to death, and I don’t know if it’s because I’m hormonal or what but I am for real seriously distraught about this and I feel like there is nobody I can share this with who won’t laugh at my feels. I know nature is brutal etc. but like is nothing sacred??? Cute smart playful little fucking OTTERS???
Heather says: Oh, no. No. No! Is that for real?! I hate that information!

I know people of AS enjoy both Bomb Girls and Carmilla so I wanted to share the wonderful pairing I thought of recently. Just imagine! Perry and Betty in a romance together! I ship them so hard! I think their ship name should be Berry. Imagine Perry finding a time traveling wormhole and ending up in ww2 canada with Betty. Betty taking care of Perry while she adjusts and helping her in her new job at the factory. Falling in love
Heather says: Wait, wait, wait. You want season two Perry to move in with Betty?! WHY DO YOU HATE BETTY? I will talk to you about this after season three airs, okay. I will talk to you about this when Perry is not literally possessed.

I ought to tell you that I went to a writing course last weekend. It was fun.
Rachel says: I’m really glad you told us this! I feel very positive and serene about this development. What did you write about? Are you gonna go to another one?

Whenever I start to panic about my recent development of romantic feelings for a boy (???), I remember that really fucking cool bisexual women like Rachel and Mallory Ortberg exist and then I feel better. Is that weird to say? I’m saying it anyway.
Rachel says: Well this is just the best thing that’s happened to me all day. I’m glad you exist too! I hope your crush is fun! I don’t think anyone has ever put me in the same sentence as Mallory before me and it’s rad!

you guys I need a nap but I’m at work :(
Heather says: If you’ve got a hundred dollars lying around, I have a really good idea for you.

Do you ever feel like you where born in the wrong decade? Like I was born in the 90s but I feel like I should have been born in the 70s, in the way that I wish I could have experienced grl riot while it was happening and that 70% of the music I listen to is late 80s early 90s punk and ska.
Yvonne says: Sometimes I do. It’d be cool to live in a time when the internet wasn’t a thing. I mostly think about how grateful I wasn’t born in a different decade. For example, when I’m on my period, I think “How the fuck did my ancestors menstruate out in the scorching sun, doing physical labor and caring for their families?! How did my mom and aunts do this when they only had an outhouse growing up? How the fuck did Manifest Destiny happen with all those pioneer women crossing mountains and prairies on their periods? They had to squat and probably got blood all over the place and there probably wasn’t any streams or creeks nearby to wash themselves or had to save water for drinking.” That’s why I’m like thank god I live in this decade, reader.

あつめねこ (atsume neko, cats gathered) If you love cats and Japan, you’ve probably already heard of this game. The premise is simple yet effective. Watch cats, get treasure. The UI is easy to understand.
Rachel says: What if I told you that Laneia and I both have this game and both have cats named after each other. What then.

Jennifer Kent, writer/director of the Babadook, is attached to write and direct an adaptation of Alice + Freda Forever!
Rachel says: Oh man! I LOVED The Babadook, this is great news, thank you for sharing!

Look at this super neat student-made video some kids at the college I work at (sort of the gayest school ever I sometimes think) made (it’s funny): 
Heather says: I laughed. “Page 217 of my autobiography? It’s about how I showered and chose a college that actually respected my intelligence.”

I just want you to know that I make all my interns read a couple articles (of their choice) from Autostraddle so they can know more things about queer lady-ish people. Recently one of them, months after her internship, referenced an article that had just been posted. So just know, every once a while, a cute little straight (for now!) college student is reading the articles and learning things and liking it.
Rachel says: This is so neat! Changing the world one tiny college student at a time! Making the college student you want to see in the world! You are the hero we need.

I just convinced my professor-assigned group (for a class on Cultural Heritage Preservation) to do our final project on Stonewall! And I will 100% be citing Autostraddle. A preemptive thanks for making my last graduate school class queerer!
Heather says: It is absolutely our pleasure.

Demi Lovato covering Hozier is way gayer than that weird summer song she did. 
Heather says: Sounds like you want Demi to take you to church, if you know what I mean and I think you do. (Amen?)

I just got a promotion and a raise! I’m hoping to be very careful and stringent about budgeting in the next few months to hopefully be able to go to A-Camp next year. I feel like it’s a place I need to go back to.
Heather says: We support this plan fully! A-Camp is a place you always need to go back to, like Narnia or Hogwarts.

I loved loved loved Rachel’s article about support queer students in schools. I work in a school with some pretty homophobic administrators (although thankfully not my administrators) and I feel like so many of my decisions come down to “Will this statement or action support the student in the short term but make it harder for me to support them in the long term?” or “Is this immediate need important enough to risk longer term consequences in my ability and career at this school?” I dunno, I don’t know if I’m making a lot of sense. I’m partially out, and I’ve answered honestly for the most part when students ask me questions about “my man,” but it is hard to figure out what actions create the most positive change. I don’t want to say anything bad about my school or district online so I didn’t comment, but I still wanted a chance to get it all of my chest. Thanks for writing such amazing pieces, and for letting me let it all out. P.S. I love my union, and I am lucky to know my career is not directly on the line due to my orientation, which is amazing. I am so so blessed to be part of large, LGBT friendly union.
Rachel says: Oh I’m so glad! I know how stressful and draining it can be, and how often it feels like you’re not making enough of a difference even when you’re trying as hard as you possibly can. I bet you’re doing an amazing job and making more of an impact on your kids than you know.

Fucking damn it I am heartbroken. I just came back from dinner at my aunt and uncle’s house and my sweet, insecure 14 year-old cousin who just started high school and is struggling to find her place was wearing a shirt that said “I love mr fitz.” And I sat there and I ate my burger and I said nothing. I said nothing even though when I was in 6th grade my favorite teacher was fired (but not prosecuted!) for having “consensual” sex with a 7th grader. A “mature” biracial 8th grader who “was always in his classroom flirting” and who “seemed older than she was.” And when I was 16 a 35 year-old married swim coach at my high school was sleeping with my best friend and when I confided in my favorite teacher about it because I was concerned she cornered us in a stairwell and scolded my friend for “entering in an inappropriate relationship” and the whole school called my friend a liar, a slut, and a homewrecker. I sat there through that whole dinner and joked and chatted while my stomach churned because I remember how uncomfortable I felt when I was 17 and my school made me go to the guidance counselor for an hour every other day and I remember the way he stared at my chest and made me feel helpless when his job was to help me put myself back together. And now my cousin and how many others are being seduced by this dangerous idea that these interactions are romantic rather than terrifying. I am sad. and I just needed to share and if you have any advice on how to talk to my cousin and girls like her, I’ll take it, but mostly I need someone to listen. so thanks for listening.
Heather says: I struggle with this every day. Literally every day. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night sick with the knowledge that teenage girls are out there wearing “I love Mr. Fitz” shirt and ABC Family is continuing to promote it and the PLL writers — no matter how much they hate it, or claim to hate it, behind-the-scenes — are still being forced to pander to it, and I can’t go back to sleep. I just lie there and brood and feel nauseous and wonder what I can do to combat it. I’ll keep shit talking him all over the internet, I can promise you that. I’ll continue to drag him every chance I get in my recaps and on Twitter. I’ll listen any time. He’s a monster. A monster and I hate him.

you guys my grilfriend gave me drug candy and it was delicous and I have eaten too much a nd now it’s tjhe next day and I’m at work and she drove me here wcause I couldn’t and luckily it’s slow but is this gionaa last forever it miught and then I won’t get anythiong done ever and I ahlolucinated last ngiht and now I need some cofee yes

[followup:]you guys this needs to stOP because I can’t focus enough to read the cool indigneous women article but I want to read it but I cam’t I had too much drug candy

Laneia says: Lord have mercy, bless your heart.
Rachel says: I’ve been rereading this when I’m feeling down because it’s so perfect. God bless you and your girlfriend, amen.
Riese: I hope this story ended with crushed-up Vivran on the back of an impeccably organized binder and all your tabs changing colors and a big steaming latte with a little heart on the top.

I dreamt that Carmen was in Vancouver and part of this queer interpretive dance in the ~city space~ and I joined in by creating a beat on my bowl of whipped cream (it’s thxgiving, k. don’t judge) and it was just wonderful.
Carmen says: I am so glad people in Vancouver are dreaming about me because I am always dreaming of going back to Vancouver.

So, I needed to tell someone this, and my roomate has HAD IT. It turns out, lifting approx. 100 40lb boxed of frozen chicken will relieve your menstrual cramps, but while it’s doing that, it’ll expel your uterus lining so efficiently your OB will leak, which I did not even think was possible #Iwasphysicallyprepared #butnotemotionallyprepared
Rachel says: Where do you get that much frozen chicken though?

omg I think I am moving back to FL next year. and why are there no queers there? (tinder told me so) and there is only this autostraddle group for basically the ENTIRE STATE and do you know how big the state is, y’all? and will i be alone forever? and how hard will it be to build a community in Boca Raton, Florida? I mean, not quite the city, but that’s close to where I will live, but I’ll live with my grandmother in her 55+ community. Maybe there will be an amazing OWL there, but I’m 24, so that’s a bit of a gap. Anywaaay, thank you box for existing. Even if I send this and it goes into the void, just typing this up has saved me money on therapy which I’ll now spend on Autostraddle merch. Oh wait, Chelsey Petty lives in FL too! But… I think… Northern FL? That’s a different state.
Yvonne says: There has to be some queer people in Boca Raton, Florida! (Show yourselves in the comments.) I think this is where you have to be the change you want to see in the world and create your own Autostraddle group/meetup and make friends that way! You can create and submit an event here.

Guys, today has been a day. It’s the first day of my period, the shit is hitting the fan at work, and my microwave is broken so I can’t heat up my leftovers and may actually have to cook. I have no idea why I’m telling you this, I guess I just feel like you all listen, and I needed to let somebody know. Thanks AS!
Laneia says: I give you official and binding permission to order takeout and watch Netflix all night. Having a broken microwave is a burden none of us should have to endure, and I am so, so sorry for you. Takeout. Netflix. A blanket. You deserve these things.

So, I’m pretty sure that my internal doubts about whether I’m “gay enough” have all been resolved. Last night I bellied up to the bar with Justin Timberlake, and *he* was asking *my* advice on flirting with the ladies. (Disclaimer: yes, this was part of an odd but fun dream sequence.)
Heather says: … or WAS IT?

So I did two very important things today. The first was to buy a waffle maker and the second was to join A + and now my entire Saturday will be catching up on the backlog of content and finding every waffle possibility on the internet. Don’t tell the waffle maker but I think A+ will probably bring me more lifelong joy. (I hope this isn’t a misuse of this box- it just felt pressing to tell y’all that you’re the best)
Laneia says: This is a very nice and good and true thing to say about your A+ investment, and I cannot thank you enough for supporting this website and the writers and artists who give so much of themselves and their time to bring you things that will hopefully enrich your life, but I absolutely HAVE to make sure you know that you can make CORNBREAD in your waffle maker! Did you know this?? Waffled cornbread is so good and crispy all over, I could cry right now just thinking about it. Oh lord be a bowl of soup and some waffled cornbread, amen.

Went and used the fitting room near the men’s section at the mall and 2 guys come in right as I step out and they looked VERY CONFUSED for about 10 seconds. I was laughing inside and also thinking ‘ i am not going up to the second floor to try on pants then have to come back down to get a different size so deal with it’ Also the sales associate was in my side SO
Heather says: DEAL WITH IT DOT GIF HASHTAG MISANDRY

I finally finished reading that Broadly article about autostraddle and I totally cried at the end. I love you guys! Thank you for making this weird and wonderful community!!!

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION

idk if this is appropriate use of the Priority Contact Box but i have a suggestion/request/desire/dream: a poetry column/series/thing.
Riese: We did! We still write about poetry sometimes but guess how many people read it when we do? Like five people. It breaks my poetry-loving heart.

so autostraddle, for almost all things queer related, i have found you be a veritable encyclopaedia of knowledge and advice. however, having recently gone through a break-up, i was slightly surprised by the absence of resources available on your website. i was expecting something similar to “how to have lesbian sex 101” but more like “how to go through a lesbian break-up 101”. am i missing something?
Riese: OH MY FRIEND! You are missing something indeed! Firstly, we have released AN ENTIRE BOOK ON THIS TOPIC:

This is a good place to start: The Best Break-Up Advice You Will Ever Get. Then you can just dig your tears into a little nook of the web tagged with “breaking up.”

It’d be really great to see more positive articles about trans women. My girlfriend’s been really drained and depressed about her gender identity lately and it’d be cool to have something nice to link her.
Riese: Yes I agree, that would be great. Here are some more uplifting and positive articles about trans women to tide her over while we work on improving everything about how we operate:

• I Said Yes To The Gay Wedding Dress
• Talking To Trans Comic Creator Sophie Campbell
• Straddler On The Street: Natalie
• Bring Your Own Body Exhibit Is Really Rad, Showcases Trans Art and Archives
• Emmy Nominated Trans Series “This is Me” Is Actually Good
• Follow Your Arrow: Blacksmith Willow Zietman on Returning to her Craft
• “Her Story” Stars Wanna Tell Real Trans Love Stories
• Queered Science: Ms .Dr. Joseph Digs Derby and Dragonflies
• In Lumberjanes #17, Jo Comes Out As Trans and It’s So Awesome
• A Muslim RuPaul At The Dawn Of Islam
• Brouhaha’s Trans Women of Color Storytelling is Healing, is the Revolution
• Graduation to Womanhood: Navigating Trans Identity at a Southern College
• Say My Name, Mey’s My Name
• Mira Bellwether and “Fucking Trans Women” Zine
• Playlist: Trans Day of Visibility
• How Finding My Korean Mother Gave Me the Courage to Transition
• DW Trantham, Courageous Trans Teen, Stands Up For Her Bathroom Rights, Finds Community Support
• “Boy Meets Girl” Is Heartwarming, Groundbreaking, Has Cute Queer Kissing
• Transgender Teen Jazz Jennings Is Starring in Commercials, Getting a Reality Show, on Top of the World
• Leaving a Mark On the Heartland With My Solo Trans Road-Trip
• Sera from Marvel’s “Angela: Asgard’s Assassin” is the Closest to a Trans Superhero We’ve Got So Far
• Rebel Yell: This Voice Isn’t Gendered, It’s Punk
• You’re So… You!
• Is Anyone Doing Trans Women’s Representation Better Than Image Comics?
• Check Out Two Trans Youth Who Are Changing the Way America Looks at Gender
• “Queer and Trans Artists of Color: Stories of Some of Our Lives”
• You Need Help: Dressing Like a Grown-Ass Trans Woman
• When My World Changed, Sports Stayed
• My Own Personal Top Five Trans Roots
• Meet the “Trans Girl Next Door”!
• Laverne Cox: The Autostraddle Interview
• “Becoming Me” Shows What It’s Like to be a Young Trans Woman Around Town
• Wigging Out: How I Found Beauty in Baldness
• Inside Barney’s Groundbreaking Campaign Featuring 17 Trans Models
• “The Switch” Is More Than Just a Transgender Comedy
• 6 Memoirs By Trans Women of Color
• Janet Mock: The Autostraddle Interview
• 35 Trans Women I Had #Herocrushes On

“What is your theory on why lesbian spaces (bars, bookstores, festivals, etc) close and die more often than gay men’s spaces? Is it just the nesting? Is it because we are 70 cents to their dollar?”
Riese: Gay men go out more than lesbians do and have more disposable income with which to do so and also women nest, they do, they just nest. Gay men have more of a pick-up scene, gay men are more likely to go out to find people to have sex with, but even gay mens’ spaces are suffering because of tinder and ’cause now we can connect on the internet. Also I mean — have you been to a lesbian bar? Women aren’t that great at meeting new people and hitting on each other, it can be a terrifying and isolating experience!

But it’s not that we never go out — we just do different things, like we have Autostraddle Met-Ups and Tegan & Sara concerts and roller derby games and protests and queer haircutting parties and camping trips and potlucks and shit.

Honestly in general it’s difficult to create thriving businesses for any segment of the LGBT community ’cause we’re such a tiny silver of the population. Here’s some things we’ve written on the topic:

• The State of The Lesbian Bar Series
• If They Built A Queer Bookstore, Would You Come?
• How Will We Save LGBTQ Bookstores?

I’m embarking on a self-care project. With roughly 8 months until my 30th birthday, I’m starting a list of “30 Books to Read Before I’m 30”- it will be a mix of marked up, dog eared, well loved books that I return to over and again along with new recommendations from other women who are either about to turn 30 soon or who have already well passed that mark. So this is a looooong way of asking you, my beloved and respected AS editors, what book would you put on such a list? What did you read and moved your soul? What crept into your intimate thought places and still you think of from time to time? What would you recommend to a young lass who is about to hit the big 3-0 and is terrified?
Riese: Birds of America by Lorrie Moore, Two or Three Things I Know for Sure by Dorothy Allison, Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion, Bad Behavior by Mary Gaitskill, The First Bad Man by Miranda July, Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

how do the comment awards work? does somebody read through every single comment from the week in one go, or does it happen throughout the week? I assume y’all try to choose people who are new or who don’t comment a lot to encourage them to comment more, but how do you keep track of that? or like is that not what happens at all? just wondering! also why was taylor swift back for one week only?
Yvonne says: So Carrie is the wonderful person who is in charge of comment awards! I’m not sure of her method but she always finds the best ones! Sometimes the team will tell her who definitely deserves a comment award and sometimes the readers do too. If you see a funny, clever or thought-provoking comment, you can email her at carrie [at] autostraddle [dot] com.

YOU GUYS YOU GUYS. Did you see that the epic amazing incredible lesbian feminist haunted house is going to be in LA this year??? Loooook. OMG I’m SO glad I moved to southern California.
Riese: Oh gosh we did. You may have read our reaction to this event in the Insider. I am actually afraid to ask Laneia for an update on what happened to our many attempts to get coverage of this event because I don’t want to re-break her heart. But it sounds like a dream. A nighmarish dream but a DREAM. Unfortunately having recently moved to Michigan I had to settle for the Hallow’een Spectacular at Greenfield Village.

Hey Laneia, do you have any swedish ancestry?
Laneia says: I don’t believe that I do, no. But my name is a bastardization of the (apparently common?) Swedish name, Linea! So there is that.

Steven Universe recaps. Stat.
Rachel says: Man, if saying the name of a thing that one wanted and then saying the word “stat” after it made that thing occur, the world would be such a different place! Unfortunately none of our team members have the time or energy or brainspace or screenshot-taking capacity to start recapping a weekly show on top of everything else they do, especially one that’s covered extensively on the internet at large, but I promise your feelings have been heard and commiserated with, stat.
Heather says: Also, when queer stuff happens on Steven Universe, either myself or the incomparable Mey Rude write about it in Boob(s On Your) Tube. (And plus it’s on hiatus until 2016, yeah?)

Has there ever been a USWNT gallery post? I need one!
Heather says: Perhaps you will enjoy Look at That Alternative Lifestyle Haircut: Women’s World Cup 2015 Edition.

Laneia, you give such good advice! How do you choose what emails to respond to for the column? Sorry in advance if this has already been asked.
Laneia says: Thank you! I choose the ones that are easiest for me to answer, to be honest. If it’s something I think another team member would know more about, or it’s complicated and requires a whole post to get to the bottom of all its guts, I’ll slide it on over to someone else.

am I losing my mind, or did Riese (or someone) once write an essay about the ethics of being vegetarian/ vegan? Can you link me back to that, if indeed it exists? :)
Riese: It would’ve been very funny if I’d written that as I am not vegan or vegetarian, although the reason for that is that I have so many weird food neuroses already that cutting out meat would make it really impossible for anybody to make me dinner. I remember Laneia did this Open Thread once and everybody yelled at her! Alex Vega watched “Forks Over Knives” once and became a vegan allegedly and she loves to talk about it. Here’s an interview with a Vegan Visionary. Here’s all the vegan things.

why does autostraddle use the word teevee not T.V. or television?
Rachel says: We’re full of mystery!
Riese: Because Eileen Myles does! Also I think it’s just me? Does everybody on our site do that or just me.

Riese what stephen dunn collection do you recommend I start with?
Riese: Okay I’m gonna cheat a little and suggest, of course, New & Selected Poems 1974-1994. It contains poems from a few collections but is the book I first fell in love with (as detailed in this Pure Poetry Post.)

Is there an article somewhere that lists/reviews different perfumes? Every time I find one I like, stores end up discontinuing the line (Gap 1969, for example), and I never know where to start to find a new one. I don’t want to smell like a man, but I also don’t want to smell like a flower or grapefruit or something, and I feel like Autostraddle would have good recs on something in between.
Rachel says: We published this in 2011, but I’m not sure how many of those fragrances are still current/available? That’s sort of the challenge of writing about that stuff, is that it changes pretty frequently and so it becomes less relevant quickly. Some people wrote about their favorite fragrances in their This Shit Rules product roundups! I like masculine-ish scents and I like Long Winter Soap Co’s Houndstooth perfume oil and Smell Bent’s Five as well as their Gimel A Break scent which I tragically dropped on the bathroom floor and broke which is the worst because I think it was a limited edition holiday scent that I can’t buy again. ANYWAYS I like reading Arabelle Sicardi’s perfume advice a lot, here’s a thing she wrote on “unique perfumes” and I think she has a tag on her blog for it. If you want to try out some perfumes without dropping a fortune on something you might not like, I like The Perfumed Court — you can order very tiny sample sizes of almost any perfume in the world to see if you like it for affordable prices before you commit to them.
Riese: I can confirm that Burberry Brit, which I recommended way back then, continues to exist and I love it a lot.

I love you. Thank you for reminding me about grown up real world things are happening when I get sucked into conflict.

I NEED ADVICE

I need hair help! I’ve got a short pixie cut and I have no idea what products to use or how to style it! I’m also super lazy so I don’t want to do anything with it that would take more than ten minutes, tops. Please help! Sincerely, Confused Hair Girl
Yvonne says: Come on, people! Help a Confused Hair Girl out! I don’t know the answers but this is Autostraddle and at least someone reading this must know the answer. My girlfriend has a short pixie-ish cut and she runs a tiny bit of coconut oil through her hair when it’s wet to keep it soft and shiny. When it’s dry, she uses a thing called “coco wax termo” by L’Izzo New Hair Generation to style it. She has long hair at the top of her head so she uses a curling iron to kind of curl it in a way. Maybe you can find some tips and inspiration in the alternative lifestyle haircut tag.

Please could you ask Heather Hogan if she has tried her Roomba on a couch/other upholstery? I think in general, the world is waiting with baited breath for a HH Roomba Update.

Heather: Well, the thing is that the Roomba is for the floor! If you put it on a couch it would just spin around and around because it’s too smart to drive itself off onto the ground, but there’d be nowhere for it to go! But it definitely works on both tile, hardwood, and fabric rugs, and zooms easily between those things.

Riese, I wanted to thank you for writing “The Best Break-Up Advice You’ll Ever Get.” I’m currently sitting in an airport in Belgium waiting for a flight that will take me away from the girl that I’ve been in love with for three years. Although I feel like my world is ending and I feel like I too will never be able to breathe without shaking again, I’m finding it comforting to read your words. This is how I’m supposed to feel, I will not feel like this forever, I will feel whole again. But what do I do until then? How do I get up and go on? I have no idea what I do know. How do I get myself up, go to college, go to the gym, eat a meal. How do I force myself to do these things? I know you are the CEO of this website and therefore have many, many better things to do that respond to emotional 20-somethings with too many feelings (no doubt you get lots of these emails every week) but I just … don’t know what to do next. I don’t know how to begin again. Thanks xoxo
Riese: You just do it. You just get up and you go because it is the only thing you can do. You drag your body around like a sad sack from place to place. You go because Not going — because skipping school and skipping the gym and ignoring your friends — is going to make a bad situation even worse, you know? There is nothing you can do to heal your heart right now, but these other things, like “showing up”? You can do those things. You know how to do that! You know how to get out of bed and walk to a place. Find comfort in these familiar motions, these things you know how to do. It’s the only thing you can do so you are going to have to do it.

So I just started college and it’s my first time being completely out, and having that be OK (to everyone with the exception of my 92 year old great Aunt and some of my extended family). However that being said, I still don’t really have any queer friends, and I don’t really know where to go to meet some. And if I don’t even have lesbian friends how am I ever going to find a girlfriend (when I’m ready to be in a relationship)? I’ve never had a (real) relationship with a girl before. How do I proceed?
Yvonne says: I promise it’s all going to be alright! You will find lesbian friends and when the time is right for you, you’ll find a girlfriend. Lucky for you, Autostraddle’s got your back and we have a whole plethora of college advice for you! Back in August, we made an Ultimate Back-To-School Advice post and there’s several of us talking about how to meet queer friends and advice on hooking up and dating in college. I hope everything turns out grand!

Hey! Okay, so, you’re primarily nerds into queer stuff! I’m a nerd into queer stuff about to marry a nerd who is medium about queer stuff. We’re trying to collect readings for our wedding – ANY ADVICE? We’re trying to find something that is explicitly about two ladies and also something (either in the same quote or different) about like real domestic homey love (not the like, I’d drive off a cliff with you tomorrow, also sex stuff, kind of thing). I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU’D KNOW OF SOMETHING that’s been meaningful to you off the top of your heads because you’re kind of amazing. THANK YOU A LOT

Heather says: Gosh! I don’t know! Maybe:

Ninth Doctor: “Do you wanna come with me? ‘Cause if you do, then I should warn you — you’re gonna see all sorts of things. Ghosts from the past. Aliens from the future. The day the Earth died in a ball of flame. It won’t be quiet, it won’t be safe, and it won’t be calm. But I’ll tell you what it will be: the trip of a lifetime!”

Or Neil Gaiman from Sandman:

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. . . . You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore.”

The Princess Bride?

“Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches… I have stayed these years in my hovel because of you. I have taught myself languages because of you. I have made my body strong because I thought you might be pleased by a strong body. I have lived my life with only the prayer that some sudden dawn you might glance in my direction. I have not known a moment in years when the sight of you did not send my heart careening against my rib cage. I have not known a night when your visage did not accompany me to sleep. There has not been a morning when you did not flutter behind my waking eyelids…
I love you. Okay? Want it louder? I love you. Spell it out, should I? I ell-oh-vee-ee why-oh-you. Want it backward? You love I… I’ve been saying it so long to you, you just wouldn’t listen. Every time you said, ‘Farm Boy, do this’, you thought I was answering, ‘As you wish’, but that’s only because you were hearing wrong. ‘I love you’ was what it was.

The Last Unicorn?

“You were the one who taught me… I never looked at you without seeing the sweetness of the way the world goes together, or without sorrow for its spoiling. I became a hero to serve you, and all that is like you. Also to find some way of starting a conversation…
I would enter your sleep if I could, and guard you there, and slay the thing that hounds you, as I would if it had the courage to face me in fair daylight. But I cannot come in unless you dream of me… I love whom I love.”

That’s all I’ve got. I’ll think on it more.

I saw an ad for LOLA tampons, apparently they are 100% cotton and could be delivered directly to my door, they claim to be a better choice for my body. Are they?
Laneia says: 100% cotton is definitely better for your body than other blends of fibers! You should probably do it. Who doesn’t love a good tampon/delivery service adventure? Let me know how it goes!

How to get over a crush/obsession that will never happen?
Heather says: The hard truth is you need to put some physical and emotional distance from the crush/obsession and focus on some other things/people, even if you have to force yourself to do it. You’ll still think about the crush/obsession all the time, but the more time and space you have away from them, and the more things you do that don’t involve them, the less and less you will obsess over them. And then one day you’ll wake up and realize you didn’t think about them at all the day before. And one day you’ll realize it’s been a week since you thought about them. Time and space, friend. Time and space.

Oh god help. I was married and then I was single for a really long time and now I’m possibly going on a date with a girl with amazing hair and I don’t know if I can do it… the thought of having to shave my legs and make conversation and try to be interesting again is just awwwwwful. Dying alone surrounded by my cats is a legit life choice, right? Alternatively, are conversation topic flash cards acceptable? How do people even date now!? Its been a million years!
Rachel: I think conversation flash cards are totally acceptable or at least probably kind of cute. I think dating is probably more fun and less awful if you think of it less like “trying to be interesting” and try not to obsess over whether you seem appealing or how appealing the other person is and whether you two would agree on what to name your cats and just think of it as like an adventure, a fun story waiting to happen. If you don’t have any expectations and if your only aim is “have fun, have an interesting evening” rather than “determine whether this person is my lifemate/try to advertise myself for a second date” then I think you’re set up for success! What if you made bingo cards? I guess that’s the kind of thing where if you were in a sitcom episode you’d end up falling head over heels for this person and then six months later they’d find the bingo card and you’d have a big fight, huh.

Baby gay here, trying to get into cute gay hats this fall! Where is everyone getting their super slouchy, soft and cozy but also cool beanies? I feel like everyone else got a welcome kit to queerness that came with one of those and I never got mine, please help.
Yvonne says: Oh hi! You know, I would like to know the answer to this too and I don’t really consider myself a baby gay. But I know what you mean, I’m so envious of hot queers and their perfectly slouchy, soft beanies. Our lovely Fashion/Style editor, Lydia will figure this out for you, so look out for a post on this very thing!

You guys I’m so tired how do i be less tired I am so tiiired
Rachel says: Babe you gotta slow down! Set a hard and fast bedtime and make yourself stick to it. Look into iron and/or B12 supplements (if your doctor says that’s ok for you!), deficiencies in those can make you really exhausted. Sometimes I like to yell into a pillow I’M SO TIRED or gchat my best friend in all caps I’M SO TIRED. Maybe that will help. I’ll light a candle for you.

I’ve been so busy with life I haven’t been able to comment as much as I’ve wanted but I love you guys and all of the autostraddle team.

MISC

I need some suggestions for websites to frequent. I am in a slump where I only check fb, autostraddle, and my email obsessively (sometimes npr) while I do work and a variety of podcasts that I listen too. AS is so good & feels like my personal homepage but I know other sites need love, too!
Riese: I have no idea why you’d need to read any websites besides Autostraddle, that is just BONKERS. But other websites I read include The Awl, Brain Pickings, The New Inquiry, Racked, Guernica, Black Girl Dangerous, Narrative.ly and Messy Nessy Chic.

Could there be a page with descriptions of all your regular columns and past regularly columns? I think it would be helpful for me (someone who’s been reading for years) but especially useful for those new to Autostraddle.
Riese: There is! I’m not super-wonderful at updating it (I need an assistant so bad) but that page exists and it is here (scroll down).

Do you think you guys, as well as other similar organizations would be interested in sharing your web server logs to assist in the cases of LGBT asylum seekers trying to flee intolerant countries?
Riese: I don’t see why not? Is this a Cee question.

Why don’t lesbians have the same in-group vocabularies as gay men? 
Riese: Haven’t you ever heard of “nipple confidence” though

Some friends and I were hanging out this past weekend, and we started talking about how much we love this website. That led us to a discussion on how to support the website with donations or buying merch, which led us to tossing around ideas on how y’all could make more profit. We we came up with an idea that the more I thought about it, the more I loved it and wanted to share with you. Have you ever thought about doing Skype Writing Lessons? Hear me out…in college I would have considered myself a B+ writer, because I did it ALL the time. Now? I’d say C- for sure. As a songwriter I’ve been trained to put my ideas into a 3-4 minute song – not enough for an article by a long shot. I have ideas and stories I’d love to submit to Autostraddle, but I know I’m not putting it together correctly. I’d LOVE to be able to pay for a 30-60 minute lesson with one of my favorite writers on Autostraddle for feedback, Q&A Session, tips, etc. People pay for lessons all the time. I pay for professional songwriters to critique my songs and help make them better (over Skype 90% of the time). It wouldn’t be something you’d necessarily bank on for major profit, but it couldn’t hurt! I used to give music lessons at a retail music store – They kept 25% of my earnings on the lesson and I kept the rest – I was basically paying them for the space to use and for signing up people for lessons. I had the skill set, and they had the ability to bring in the people. Maybe something like that could work for Autostraddle? Just wanted to share, we all agreed that it was something we’d be interested in, but then again we’re all writers in one way or another, so….. :)
Riese: Yes! This is a wonderful idea we’ve had ourselves. Unfortunately, accomplishing even just 75% of our jobs any given day already takes 12 hours, and there’s just no time for anything like that. I wish there was, but we are already spread so thin we can hardly see ourselves in the mirror.

This’s for Mey, and all you witchy straddlers–I’ve been listening to Cannons for the past week, and every time the song Spells comes up I think of you! Thank you for your lovely articles; my middle school self (and let’s be real, current me as well) is always delighted to read them!
MEY SAYS: Thanks so much and you’re welcome for the articles! I’m glad that I could be here for both your middle school self and for your current self. I had never heard this song before but I’m always looking for new witchy songs and this one is so good! I’ve been listening to it on repeat for the last fifteen minutes!

Can we have a photoshopped image of Riese, Rachel, and Laneia’s faces on the Girl Group from the basement casino episode of Bob’s Burgers with the caption ‘Gals being Pals, being Pals, being PALS — GAL PALS!’ please — I need this in my life.
We don’t want to set a dangerous precedent wrt being able to make graphics willy nilly because we are all so busy that we barely have time to shower but since you asked nicely, you can have this THIS ONE TIME.
We love you.

Well, gosh. I was so optimistic about this show at one point. Anyway YOUR RECAPS WILL ALWAYS BE FUNNY until you stop doing them because all of the queer characters are gone and somehow this is a show about Liam living in New York as a male model in order to fund his dream of banging on large pieces of metal for art.
Riese: Yes hopefully his roommate would be Matt Saracen and Julie Cooper, for poetic justice. I also had high hopes for this show. Just once honestly I’d like a show to be good enough and responsible enough about its depictions of people of all sexual orientations in a way that does not inspire rabid fandoms on both sides of the aisle to take out their frustration over the show’s inadequacies upon me, you know? Sorry this thing happened on twitter today and I’m JUST VENTING.

She lost her show, she lost her career, she lost her agents, she lost her money, no one would touch her. Now she is a powerhouse. Ellen DeGeneres: greatest comeback in Hollywood history?
Heather says: Yes.

Laneia- I just want to recognize the 12 Tribes rabbit hole I descended into upon your suggestion…and how it is amplified by the fact that I am now living in New England and soon Vermont, and not very far from one of their epicenters (Rutland!) WTF.
Laneia says: YOU’RE WELCOME. Also WTF indeed.

I’m pitching you something about internalized homophobia, bodies, and farming. I’m just saying. Because I’m ready to talk about it. How farming let me love my body’s feminine grace and strength and care, and how that, finally that, allowed me to not just desire another woman but enjoy and get off on the sex of two feminine bodies. Farms, yo. Farming is the best. Farming is the queerest.
Riese: I can’t wait! My fiancé is a farmer and my whole Dad’s side of the family were farmers and so I feel farming in my heart and look SO DO YOU and I can’t wait to read about it! Also my fiance would like to know if you would like to be her friend.

Omg. My submission was featured in “some answers to some things you’ve been asking us #2”. Thank you for believing in me! Some days all I can manage is getting out of bed to eat and then read aggregated news content. This means a lot to me. (just mdd things,bleargh)
Heather says: And now your submission has been featured on Issue #3! Some days are surprises, in a good way!

Hi, I just wanted to make sure Heather knew how much I appreciate her incessant Harry Potter references!
Heather says: Oh! You’re like an anti-Boggart! I cast a cheering charm on your day, as you have on mine!

Wow, I don’t know why I took a screenshot of Autostraddle’s front page back on February 15, 2010 but I did.
Riese: Honestly, this is magical and a huge help because we don’t have a lot of good screenshots of our old designs!

Riese I took your advice and made a Tumblr for my best friend and she loved it. So thank you! Also, it was really fun.
Riese says: WELL THAT IS SO CUTE! I’m so glad that she loved it. I think it’s so fun, I love making tumblrs and scrapbooks and things for people. I wonder if that could be my job in the next life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR AUTOSTRADDLE CAPTAIN RIESE!! I celebrated by having a ginger beer in your honor. It was great. Even my mom liked it and asked for seconds. Cheers.
Riese says: Tell your Mom Hi for me! Thank you! I think I pretty much drank an entire bottle of wine on my birthday. It was great.

I thought that was a cute boyish lesbian but it was just a teenage boy
Rachel says: ugh ME TOO

Remember Kreayshawn? Nathan Rabin did a fun “My World of Flops” piece on her debut album that y’all might be interested in and/or amused by
Rachel says: I DO remember Kreayshawn and I AM interested in this, HOW DID YOU KNOW

Really loving your STEM coverage recently, its awesome

Heather says: Hey, thank you! Thank you for telling us what you love! It helps us do more of what you love!

How to Get Away With Murder!!!
Heather says: Right?! Come back, Famke! Make out with Viole Davis’ face some more! Try doing it with the lights on next time!

I would watch the hell out of a version of the Golden Girls with old gay guys. Who would you cast as the Golden Guys? Or Golden Gays?
Rachel: I would like to cast it with all beagles. Elderly gay beagles. Maybe one corgi, but mostly beagles.

Synchronized kittens
Heather says: My heart is growing three sizes like the Grinch right now. Perhaps it will burst free from my chest.

Do you think it’s easier or harder to scissor in outer space?
Laneia says: I’m gonna go with infinitely easier, but only if you have a bar to hold onto for leverage.

Loving all the money-themed articles!
Heather says: We’re loving writing them for you!

I just heard the funniest thing, thought you might appreciate. My best friend’s boyfriend says he’s an Aquarius but he identifies as a Capricorn. Can cusp babies choose their identity? You know, live their most #authentic self? #yoga
Riese: I’m a cusp baby who mostly identifies as a Libra but you know sometimes I really do also identify as a Virgo. But mostly a Libra. This was more relevant when I used to read the horoscopes in Seventeen Magazine.

So…..do you guys think we’ll ever get Otterstraddle back on or was that like a one time thing….
Heather says: The ones we love never truly leave us.

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STORY IDEAS:

Do you have any plans to write anything about queer female youtubers? I love Rose and Rosie, and Shannon and Cammie!
Riese: I think Haley (Queer Mama) was working on this but I don’t know the status.

Idea for an article: Id would love to see a discussion of how our queer community defines virginity and the loss thereof. I know that not all of us define it as first time PIV penetration!
Riese: That’s an interesting idea, my friend! I am one of those people who talks about losing my “boy-virginity” and also my “girl-virginity,” which I feel is not correct terminology. But I’m also not entirely sure what counts as losing my girl-virginity ’cause my memory is kinda hazy. Now I feel as I type this that I’ve told this story before… we must have written about it… we made a flowchart… I have numbers somewhere…

I just noticed that it says in the bottom bio thing that Riese has written, like, 1993 articles? Could we have some sort of retrospective best-of extravaganza celebration when Riese hits 2000 articles?
Riese: Alas this time has already passed and I don’t even know what the 2,000th was! Do you think people would like a best-of extravaganza? I would be embarrassed if everyone was like “why are you talking about yourself again, go to the zoo and talk to a penguin!” The other (funny?) thing is that there are at least another 100-200 articles in the archives attributed to the team or to somebody else that I basically wrote myself. It’s a complicated operation over here.

Can there be another documentary roundtable like there was in July 2010? I feel like this is an article that could totally use a reboot. Also I have a documentary addiction and I want to be enabled.
Riese: Yeah that would be fun!

I’m not sure if this would be possible, but it would be really cool to have an interview of or first person essay by Sarah Warn, on what it was like founding AfterEllen, what it was like to write and talk about queer entertainment and issues in the early 2000s, and just her experiences in general. The article on lesbian kisses on TV reminded me of how different her experiences must have been writing on the internet about these things in 2002 and beyond. Also, thanks as always for all the great work you guys do!
Riese: “See if Sarah Warn will talk to me about everything” has been on my to-do list since she left AfterEllen, maybe one of these days I will cross that shit right off!

Suggestion: a roundup of people’s favourite planners and how they organize. I’m in Planner Porn mode and I’ve noticed that there’s not a lot of queer/alternative planners out there, asides from maybe Slingshot’s. Would love to see how y’all plan :)
Rachel says: What a coincidence we were just talking about how we wanted to do this too! Were you thinking like a shopping guide or like a roundtable of how people use their planner situations? The Slingshot planner is so neat!

Know what would be really really awesome? If Mey were able to get an interview with Rebecca Sugar, creator of Steven Universe!!! Pretty please may the stars align to make this happen?
Rachel: Gosh that would be awesome. We will put this on our vision board.

Would love to read an essay on special topics and questions faced by bisexual women in long-term relationships with women.
Riese: This is a good idea!

Can someone who went to A-Camp write an article about how to overcome your nerves about going to A-Camp / advice for people going for the first time and alone?
Rachel: Possibly! I can tell you the short version right now, which is to Just Do It because You’re Worth It, and you can calm your nerves by thinking about all the snacks you can buy at TJ’s before going up the mountain. Anyways though this is a good idea!

Hey! I don’t know how you guys decide on the Friday Open Thread topics but an appropriate/fun one soon might be What Are You Fighting For? about the things we stand up for and the things we fight against. :-) Cheers!
Riese: This is a great idea.

I’ve been thinking about this for a little while, but have been too shy to ask. I have an idea for a column, pretty similar to Liquor In The Flask, but about beer specifically. I recently discovered beer was an enjoyable thing and read a book on it, and was shocked to find that there are literally hundreds of unique types of beer, all with different flavors and histories and brewing methods. I also noted that beer brewing, an industry that was originally considered women’s work, has in recent history become known as Man Thing: Real Men (TM) brewing a Man Beverage. Even craft brews, which are super creative and challenge the mainstream beer industry to step up their game, are seen as a hipster-guy thing. I love venturing into so-called “men’s spaces” and turning them on their heads, however, so I thought it would be cool to have a column about queer women and beer (not to mention all the ways you can riff off of “beer” and “queer” rhyming). I could describe the history of beer making, give a rundown of common styles and flavors, and review 2-3 beers per week (they’re cheap and not likely to get me smashed! Yay!) based on a theme or highlighting a specific style. My desire to do this also comes from the fact that my queer girl friends don’t know anything about beer, see it as a disgusting frat boy drink, and call it “piss” or “wheat tea”. Most people I know who hate beer with such vitriol do so because either they’ve been told beer is a “men’s drink” by some idiot or have only ever tried a sip of one style of beer–usually crappy, run-of-the-mill pilsners or lagers. But I think there is a beer style for every special snowflake out there, and I would love to introduce more queer women to this drink as I put my newfound knowledge and curiosity into practice! Would this be something people would like? I want to blog about it regardless, and would write the column for free if Autostraddle was interested.
Riese: You know, I used to leave my apartment sometimes and when I did, I often noticed lesbians doing things like DRINKING BEER. Which is why I was confused that more of you humans weren’t reading things like Cheers, Queers! (a series we did about beer) and You Brew You (also about beer). I don’t know anything about beer though so I’m gonna leave this one to Heather.
Heather: 

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I just wanted to say I love what you guys are doing, please don’t give up. After I read the latest Business of Art Fix, I was like, shit, get yer damn wallet out and help these good people. We cannot have an internet without AS in it. So I gave what I can. But mostly I just called to say I love everything about what you’re doing here.

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