Annotated: Margaret Cho’s Moving Tribute To Anna Nicole

Welcome to Annotated, a new feature just for A+ subscribers where a bunch of our favorite musicians will take us on an intimate journey through the creation of one of their songs. We started off reaching out to friends of Autostraddle who are popular musicians – and all of them are into it and will be writing in coming months – but we couldn’t friggin’ believe it when Margaret Cho agreed to be our first contributor. Her new record American Myth is due out on her own Clownery Records on April 29, and none of us could figure out which song she should pick (although Laneia and I both admitted we were intrigued by the idea of “Anna Nicole”). She ended up granting our wish, and the result is this heartbreaking, hilarious tribute to a true American hero.

“Anna Nicole” annotated by Margaret Cho

One night I kissed Anna Nicole Smith
She tasted like pickles and American myth
She was soft and sweet like a little girl
She was the most beautiful woman in the world

I think of her face and the sadness just kills
I only went to her house to steal all her pills
What I found wasn’t drugs but a scared little child
With a taste for danger and a streak that was wild

One night some time ago, I attended a party at Anna Nicole’s house, which was set up for filming her reality show. The guests in attendance were myself, Bruce Daniels, Kathy Griffin, Chynna and Anna’s crew – I didn’t know all of their names except for Bobby Trendy and Howard K. Stern. There wasn’t much going on at the party yet, and I hadn’t had a drink for some years before then, but Anna persuaded me to drink a shot of Jagermeister that she’d poured into an ice sculpture of herself. So I sucked a shot of Jager out of the ice vagina of Anna Nicole Smith and found myself quite drunk almost instantly.

We kissed and she tasted salty — and I remember that she had been eating a large pickle so it must have been that.

American Myth was what I thought she was — later in retrospect, after she died. A particular American myth that we have about celebrities who die young — as if they are too good for this world. It relates to Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, many rock stars….

As one does.

As one does.

Anna, Anna Nicole
Hope that where you are it never gets cold
Hope that you are happy
Hope you feel thin
Hope they let you keep your vicodin

Anna Nicole and I both had an affection/addiction to prescription painkillers and other drugs. These eventually took her life, which became a cautionary tale for me. I woke up from my addiction, and sadly she didn’t. It was terrible and tragic as addictions are — but I hoped that if there is a heaven, there she would be allowed to have what she wanted there. I still hope there are drugs in heaven.

When i saw my Anna for the very first time
She showed us all a big girl could rock it just fine
You’ll never know what you meant to the unseen
Your luscious curvy ass gave us power to dream

They called you a trainwreck, they called you a whore
But deep in your blue eyes we all saw so much more
I miss you every moment from the day that you died
See you at the Popeye’s fried chicken in the sky

The first appearance of Anna Nicole I remember was in the Guess jeans ads, and it was a singular event for me, to see someone who was basically my size, voluptuous and curvy — being worshiped and celebrated as the ultimate beauty. She gave me confidence in my body, my shape — the fact that I was larger suddenly was an asset. I am sure she did this for many, which was why she was so beloved. The ‘unseen’ is all of us — the people who never saw female fat celebrated. This was such a rarity — especially coming out of the 90s, where thinness was the norm for models and actresses. Not just thinness but an absolutely unattainable body — we were encouraged to starve ourselves, possibly not outright — but the invisibility of anyone over a certain size made it seem like we didn’t/shouldn’t exist. In Anna, I saw a revolution, yet I know inside of Anna there was a sense of wanting to feel ‘thin’ — even though her beauty and her allure had much to do with being larger than the other models out there. So in the song, I am just hoping Anna is in her ‘happy place,’ feeling thin. I just wish her happiness.

I wasn’t sure if her eyes were actually blue. In some photographs, they look grey and sometimes brown. The most famous photos were the Guess ads which were black and white so I still actually can’t confirm if they are blue. I just let it go.

“Trainwreck” is commonly used now — like in the fabulous Amy Schumer film, but it was also the title of one of Anna Nicole’s biographies, and it is as if the term was coined originally just for her. You couldn’t look away from her celebrity, even though at times it seemed painful, ridiculous, whatever. From her marriage to that billionaire to her weight to her multiple scandals, the tabloids — which then became social media — tracked her constantly.

We never went to eat fried chicken together, but I love fried chicken and I know she did too.

The artist reflecting upon Jager ice luges of yore.

The artist reflecting upon Jager ice luges of yore.

Anna, Anna Nicole
Hope that where you are it never gets cold
Hope that you are happy
Hope you feel thin
Hope they let you keep your klonopin

I found out about her death ironically while working on a tv show called ‘Til Death. Joely Fisher, my co-star told me in her dressing room, and I had to run out of the room because I burst into tears. I was embarrassed because big showy emotional displays are not my style. Her death affected me deeply, as I had similar demons I wished to quiet with similar drugs. I quit the drugs, but I never really stopped crying about Anna Nicole.

Oh you’re a mother
A lover
A prescription drugger
A stripper
A tripper
A really good tipper
And at the end
At the pearly gates my friend
We’ll meet once again

Anna, you’re my Anna Nicole
Hope that where you are it never gets cold
Hope that you are happy
Hope you feel thin
I will try to watch your Dannielynn

And Anna, Anna Nicole
Hope that where you are it never gets cold
Hope that you are happy
Hope you feel thin
You were like a candle in the wind

My favorite part of the song is the bridge and the chorus out. It lists all the things she was — mother to her children, lover to Larry and a few others…. Tripper — that’s in reference to the video where she is wearing clown makeup and it is generally thought by consensus that she is on mushrooms.The outro contains the message that I will try to watch over her daughter Dannielynn — this really breaks my heart. It’s so sad for this kid to no longer have her mother around, and it’s the drug addict in me saying, “Hey, I am a fuckup but I am gonna try.” That’s so sweet and sad.

Candle in the wind is a reference to the famous Elton John song “Goodbye Norma Jean,” which was re-recorded after the death of Princess Diana to be “Goodbye English Rose.”

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This song was written by email with Garrison Starr. I sent Garrison the lyrics and she sent me the mp3 with the melody and it was perfect.

We first performed the song live at Largo at the Coronet and it was extremely well received. The first recording was on the shortlist to be on Chodepedent, my first music album. That version was produced by Ben Lee at his home studio in Laurel Canyon, with the vocals overdubbed by Meg Toohey at my home with her mobile studio. I loved that version and I really can’t remember why we didn’t put it out then.

When Garrison and I decided to do American Myth together, we rerecorded the track in Koreatown with Garrison producing. I think we just re-did it because we wanted the albums tracks to all come from the same place, with the same band. Also, I felt my voice had improved after six years of singing and playing.

The video was made in Beachwood Canyon at a place called The Hollywood Castle. It was directed by Bryan Mir and produced by Briana Gonzalez, Andy Moraga and myself. We wanted the intro and outro to recall the famous film Sunset Blvd.

We have many different people playing Anna Nicole, in all of her incarnations, in tribute to her as well as the part in ourselves which is too good for this world to survive. As we get older, certain parts of us fade because the world we live in is too cruel to sustain them. This was my intention – to celebrate the innocent perfect yet doomed inner children we all have – using the metaphor of Anna Nicole Smith.
Screen Shot 2016-04-11 at 2.49.11 PM
The video was completed, and that same day I was playing a show at the Seminole Hard Rock in Hollywood FL, the site of Anna Nicole’s death. This was all a complete coincidence.

After the show, in the middle of the night, in my hotel room, I played the video for Anna. I got a warm feeling inside. I think she liked it.

Stay tuned for lots of new incarnations of Annotated, featuring exclusive photos and mementos from the origins of our favorite artists’ favorite songs.

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Stef

Stef Schwartz is a founding member and the self-appointed Vapid Fluff Editor at Autostraddle.com. She currently resides in New York City, where she spends her days writing songs nobody will ever hear and her nights telling much more successful musicians what to do. Follow her on twitter and/or instagram.

Stef has written 464 articles for us.

19 Comments

  1. This is such a beautiful concept, both the song and the article series.

    Also this “I still hope there are drugs in heaven.” May they all be pure as the driven snow and your dosage always correct! Amen!

    Also have we invited Margaret Cho to A-Camp??

  2. this is so fucking cool and beautiful and makes me want to cry and light a candle for anna nicole and have a really full day of wonderful things. Thank you so much Margaret for sharing this with us!

  4. Okay – 1 this series is such a good idea!

    And – 2 – MARGARET CHO. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

    That is all I have to say.

  6. I love this idea. I can’t wait to read more. And I miss Anna Nicole, too.

    Also, my internet is incredibly slow so that video never loaded and I don’t know what Margaret Cho’s singing voice sounds like, so in my head, I sang it in Nick Cave’s voice for some reason and it was amazing.

  8. If the upcoming installments of this feature are anything like this one, it will be my new fave thing on Autostraddle.

    I’ve had a huge crush on Margaret Cho for yeeeears and this song makes me love her even more.

  10. This was….not at all what I expected in the best way. Going into a piece by Margaret Cho about Anna Nicole Smith, I didn’t expect to come out on the other side feeling deeply moved and with tears in my eyes.

    Reading Cho’s autobiography was one of the formative moments of my baby queer Korean-American identity and now I remember why. She has this way of pivoting effortlessly between punchlines and startling vulnerability. This was awesome! I can’t wait to read more in the series!

  12. This is awesome, I’m super excited about this new series! Can’t wait to read the rest of it!

  16. Wow! So awesome! Margaret Cho is amazing, and this was just so beautiful and funny and insightful and romantic and…all the things. Can’t wait to see more from this series!

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