Welcome to A+ Sex Diaries, an A+ feature in which we publish seven days in our sex lives. This week: a mid-twenties femme juggling multiple long-distance relationships hooks up with her ex.
Day One
Dating long distance is hard.
I have two long distance dates, each in different states, and each vastly different people whom I share very meaningful and very different relationships with. Megan and I have decided to take the weekend off from talking, to give each other some intentional space and time as we are in a transitional period in our relationship and both having our own experiences, plus I am visiting soon and we want our time with each other to be positive. We send sweet texts to each other in the morning, wishing each other a fun weekend and saying “you’re great, I love you.”
Morgan and I text into the night, a rarity in our relationship. She lives with a partner and works full time and is in a different time zone so sometimes we find ourselves unable to talk for more than a quick “I miss you!” text every couple days. We FaceTime for a bit and I broach the topic of FaceTime sex, something that we have yet to be able to do because of our circumstances. My relationship with Morgan is so gentle, so soft and sweet, that I find myself moving at a different pace with her and nervous about bringing this up with her because of it. She is, much to my surprise, very into this idea and says she’s been thinking about it too. I have to take off to meet some friends so tonight isn’t the night, but we make plans for a couple of days from now to see how it goes. I am optimistic and very, very curious.
I return home from hanging out with my friends late at night and find myself turned on by the prospects of this FaceTime date. I sleepily start to touch myself, aroused with the mystery of what our date will look like. I move to the floor of my bedroom, not willing to soak my bedding, take off all my clothes and set up my little masturbation floor scene. My waterproof blanket in place, Hitachi placed next to me, my phone camera propped and angled exactly where I want it, ready to record at the right moment. I push my hitachi into my vulva at the lowest level and already find myself squirting, something only usually done on the higher settings. I press record and move my body against the hitachi, putting on a show. I’m soaking wet, I can’t stop squirting; I miss my blanket entirely at one point and say “fuck, it’s fine” out loud to myself. I turn my hitachi to the highest level, my vulva shivering against it and my body pushing so much fluid out I know I’ll feel dehydrated. I’m a mess — my chest turns bright red, and I let out a louder moan than I intend to as I come. I stop recording and review my work, still breathing heavily.
I send it to Morgan after cleaning up, saying “Can’t wait for our date! xoxo!”, drink a ton of water, and promptly pass out.
Day Two
My friend Dionne and I have been talking about wanting to go to our friends cabin to do mushrooms for weeks, but the plans have at the last minute died out, not to mention neither of us actually have the funds to drive out to a cabin or buy mushrooms. “I know that Hailey got Ellis mushrooms for their birthday last weekend… maybe they’d share with us.”
Ellis and I dated for about 6 months last year, then took about 3 months to actually break up for real. We didn’t speak for months – until Dionne essentially parent trapped us via an all-nighter at my house where Ellis and I hashed out our dirty laundry. We decided we could be friends and be chill, that there were no romantic feelings between us so this could be good. We also then decided that we WERE still attracted to each other and what the hell, let’s maybe hookup sometimes? Their birthday last weekend was meant to be exclusively friendship time, but they ended up in my bed and we decidedly still very much enjoyed hooking up with each other.
We text Ellis and they invite us out to their house just outside of town, about an hour drive away. We pick up our friend Dani, and take mushrooms in Ellis’s cozy basement bedroom and listen to music and play with their pet hamster and make jokes about how each other acts on drugs. Ellis makes some harsh jokes and apologizes for hours after, knowing how capable I am of holding a grudge. It’s all in good fun though, and oddly I find myself almost turned on by the way they mock me, as if they hold the power in our dynamic. We’re sleepy and beds get set up. Conveniently, I end up in Ellis’ bed. The lights go out and Dionne and Dani are passed out. Ellis is wrapped around me and without realizing it, I’m pushing my butt into Ellis’ groin.
They start to pull at my hips, pulling me into them harder, moving my hips along with theirs, our friends fast asleep just at the foot of the bed. Their breath is heavy in my ear, but quiet. We’re grinding harder and I turn to face them, my lips hovering over theirs, whispering “is this okay?” into their mouth as I slip my hand into their boxer briefs. “Yes, yes please,” they whisper back with a soft moan. Their boxers are completely soaked through. “We should go upstairs,” they whisper. I grab their arm and head that way as quickly and as quietly as possible.
They take me to their upstairs guest room, telling me their housemates are asleep so we have to stay quiet. We turn the lights out and it’s pitch dark, our only lighting coming from a distant porch light through the window and the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. Their legs are wide open and they’re already breathing heavily as they whisper “please fuck me.” I push two fingers deep inside them; they catch their breath and push their body into my hand. I can feel how their body pulls me in; I fuck them harder, the bed we’re on squeaking under us. I kiss down their stomach as I move inside them, and they grab my face and say “I want you up here. I want your face close when I come.” The pressure in their body builds and they let out a moan as they squirt just a bit on my thigh.
They gracefully flip me over after they’ve come multiple times, saying “I can’t stop coming.” I’m completely soaked by the time they have their hands on me, and they move their face quickly between my legs. “You’re so wet.” “This is what you do to me,” I moan back. They thrust their fingers inside me, pushing my leg back, their mouth remaining in place. My mind wanders — all those years I spent as a closeted teen, fantasizing about sneaking away from the sleepover party to hook up with my close girl friend, telling each other to be quiet. I’m even more turned on, letting myself live out this fantasy. I try to hold back, but squirt into their mouth. “Fuck.” I push them out of me and scoot into them, pulling their now wet face up to mine and grinding gently against them, my clit still throbbing.
We sneak back downstairs after covering the spot we collectively soaked into the guest room bed with the giant teddy bear that was on the bed. Ellis claims they’ll deal with it later, I don’t know if I believe them. Our friends are still passed out and we climb back into their bed as if nothing happened.
Day Three
We wake up late. I’m the last to wake up, to the smell of coffee filling the basement. “You want some?” Ellis asks with a smile, and delivers it to me in bed. They sit next to me and slide their hand up and down my back, their touch still leaving a tingly trace on my skin. We stay lazy for hours, in our pajamas watching vine compilations. We all get hungry and head to the nearest food truck pod, then to the Goodwill Ellis frequents. Dionne, Dani and I try on clothes and do fashion shows for each other.
My FaceTime date with Morgan is meant to be tonight, but I’m an hour outside of town, worried I’m not going to make it in time. Morgan texts to say she has plans that night so she won’t have a lot of time, and we decide to postpone the date a few days so we can devote the time properly.
We drive back into town as the sun sets and get ready for the dance party we’re all going to. We head out to it in my car, Ellis driving — and they casually mention having brought molly. I haven’t done many drugs but I figure this weekend is already weird, so fuck it! Dani and I sneak off to the bathroom and come back to find that everyone in the room is beautiful. I mean, everyone is normally beautiful, but they look particularly beautiful right now.
We’re all on the semi-empty dance floor, FEELING OURSELVES. Ellis and I try to not make too much contact with each other, not wanting to make our friend hang into us flirting. They look so good though, and we occasionally brush our hands up each others’ arms. We leave the bar after it closes, all still feeling good and deciding to go to Dionne’s house to hang out longer. We get to my car and Ellis says “do you have the keys?” I’m wide eyed. “No… you took the key off of my key chain and put it on yours… we talked about this before going in…” We fight about it and Dionne and Dani are staring silently. “So you’re telling me the keys are in the bag you have in the car?!”
I call AAA, pissed off. I tell Dionne and Dani to go to the nearby strip club while I wait the hour it’ll take them to come get the keys out. Ellis stays; I ignore them. Eventually we decide there’s no use fighting because it’s both our faults (although I still truly believe this is all their fault). I say, “you know, there is a way you could make it up to me,” and pull them into me against the locked car. “Oh, okay,” they say, grabbing my waist and pressing their lips into mine. They bite my lip and I breathe into their mouth, “We cannot fuck right here on this locked car in front of all these people.” We kiss a bit more before the car gets unlocked and we head to Dionne’s.
We decide not to stay long as the night fades into the morning. I ask Ellis to stay at mine; it’s so late. We lay next to each other, our faces a short distance away. We’re so tired but kissing anyway, pressing our bodies into each other. I push them onto their back and climb on top of them. Grinding my body into them, saying “I want you to fuck me like this with the strap on when we aren’t so tired.” They say “deal,” and I grind into them a bit longer, complimenting how perfect their mound is to grind into. We fall asleep, both still wet, saying “there’s time tomorrow.”
Day Four
I wake up feeling sick.
Maybe it’s sleep deprivation, maybe it’s drugs, maybe it’s my body punishing me for trying to do too much. I’m supposed to be at work in a couple hours, but my body is in pain and honestly, I want to stay in bed with Ellis longer. I call out of work and turn into Ellis’ chest.
They start the coffee maker and pet my back while we’re still half asleep. It’s nice, to have someone I feel so comfortable sharing this kind of space with without any of the pressures of a romantic connection. To have someone who cares about me and who I care about but with no big messy feelings involved.
We fade in and out of sleep. I wake up to the feeling of them behind me, pulling at my hips, their body thrusting into my ass. They know how well this move works on me; I’m awake instantly. I reach my arm back and grab a handful of their hair, pulling at it as they quicken their thrusts. I turn my neck to face them and they try to kiss me. I pull at their hair again, teasing them, saying, “oh, you thought it would be that easy?”
They laugh in response, and I catch my breath as they grab my waist and lay me on my back and move on top of me. “Not so fast!” I say, wrestling underneath them, using my legs to try and playfully lift them off of me. We’re both giggling and out of breath. They’re so fucking strong. But they end up on their back anyway, letting me win this one. I pull their underwear off as they say with a laugh, “You’re ruining all of my underwear!!!” They don’t seem mad.
I bite at their ear, their neck, their nipples. Their body quivering under me, trying to push into me, but I hold their hips down — “wait,” I breathe into their ear. I slowly move myself down their body, covering as much of it as I can with bites and kisses, taking my time, torturing them. “Please,” they beg as I place my head between their thighs. Before I can put my mouth on them, they’re thrusting their junk into my face. They taste so, so good. I can’t get enough.
I keep my face against them, sucking them off in the way I know they like. I slip my fingers inside them and their voice breaks as they say “yes please, oh my god!” I’m constantly impressed by their stamina, their ability to come again and again without a break. They place their hand in my hair and push me into them while they come in my mouth, my chin drenched in them.
“The problem with you always fucking me first is you always tire me out, and then I’m too exhausted to fuck you,” Ellis says while spread out naked on my bed. “It’s okay. You’ll make it up to me,” I respond before kissing their cheek. We order breakfast burritos to be delivered and eat them in bed, watching Netflix in our pajamas. We start to try and climb out of bed, it’s the middle of the day we should really do something! They’re laying diagonally on my bed and I climb on top of them saying “I don’t want to get dressed yet.” They pull my face down to them, and i grab their wrists and put their arms above their head under my grip, my other hand on their neck.
They wrestle with me, and this time I let them win. They lay next to me and fumble all my clothes off; I ask them to grab a vibrator and they intuitively grab the hitachi — the perks of hooking up with someone who already knows everything you’re into. Their fingers are inside me, I have the hitachi pushed against my clit, and they’re positioned above me on their knees, straddling one of my legs. With one of their legs between mine, I start gushing, soaking their leg and the bedding under us both. They say “I’m so turned on,” and I instinctively put my hand between their legs while they continue to fuck me, to feel what they mean. They aren’t lying. Barely able to focus on anything but the way they’re moving their fingers inside me, I slide my fingers into them and their back arches in delight. I pull their body closer to me and put the vibrator between us both, three fingers still inside them. They bounce up and down on my hand, simultaneously grinding against the hitachi.
We come at the same time, their lower body covered in the mess I’ve made. I throw the hitachi to the side and pull them on top of me feverishly, so their junk is right on top of mine, moving their hips slowly over my now-sensitive clit as we’re both panting from the work we just did. I pass them a cup of water while they’re still on top of me and say “good work, dude.”
We eat snacks and drink more coffee and continue to not put on clothes or leave my bedroom. Before much time has passed, and after a few more “we should leave the house” conversations, they’re wearing my harness with my brand new dildo in place, laying on their back and propped up on their elbows. “Your body can handle so much more now!” they say to me as I rub lube all over the dildo I’ve been begging for them to fuck me with. Slowly, I lower myself onto the dildo, the excitement on their face growing. I’m showing off a little, knowing they haven’t seen me do this before. They compliment my movements. “I had always hoped I would get to do this to you.”
They ask if they can try being on top and we fumble around but find our way, and I am having way more fun than I thought I would. I put my fingers on my clit and move them to the same beat as their thrusts. I can feel my chest warming up, and they see it too, as they thrust deeper in me, the muscles in their arms flexing harder. “Fuck, Ellis, you feel so good,” I moan, my back arching, body shaking. I come for so long I can hardly believe my body is capable of it. They remind me to breathe, almost mockingly, knowing what they’ve done. I pull their body on top of mine and we lay there for a while, laughing and sighing, covered in sweat and come.
They leave my house after dark. “I think this casual sex with your ex thing is going really well for us so far,” I say as I kiss them goodbye at my front door.
Day Five
I’m back at work, my mind is still stuck in the last few days. I tell my coworker and they say, “wow yeah that sounds hot; I would fuck my ex too if that was what it looked like.”
Megan texts me to tell me she can’t wait to hear about my weekend; I tell her she has a lot to look forward to. Sharing with my dates about what’s happening has proven to be a really amazing thing that, much to my surprise, makes me feel even closer to them? Amazing how that works!
My body is tired and sore from the weekend. Morgan and I check in about when we can talk next, the excitement of our postponed date still looming. I lazily pull out a vibrator from under my bed, my eyes half-closed as I remove my pants, keeping on my underwear. I watch some queer porn, searching for videos of people grinding and squirting, a new search for me but a successful one. I close my computer midway through one, my mind now swimming with the memories of the past few days and the porn now unnecessary. I think of the way Ellis propped themselves on top of my fingers while they were inside me and come almost instantly, a soft sleepy orgasm that does just the trick to get me to sleep.
Day Six
Today is just another day, really. I go to work, go to the grocery store, go home. Morgan and I keep missing each other. The frustrating thing about long distance relationships is the unavoidable feeling of growing apart from someone you care about. The physical distance can start to feel like emotional distance, and when things get postponed and conversation is limited, things can almost feel like they aren’t even real anymore? I feel this with Morgan today, and mention to her the distance I am feeling. Which is in part my fault! I wasn’t available either! She sends a long text, saying she feels it too and that she is sorry, but that she wants me to know how much I matter to her and she’s sorry she doesn’t tell me enough. I am constantly grateful for how kind she is, how she hears my words and isn’t combative. Her words comfort me. I recently bought tickets to go visit her, and we chat about how excited we are to be with each other in real life again. It’s the connection we need. I fall asleep content.
Day Seven
It’s a big day! I am leaving town tomorrow for a week to go visit family and to visit Megan. My flight is at 6 in the morning though, meaning I have to be at the airport around 4:30. I’m at work all day and haven’t even begun packing for my trip. I anticipate not sleeping tonight, given packing time. I’ve accepted this fate.
I had planned to take a lyft to the airport, but Ellis has been texting me through the day (about the couch they want to buy from me) and I think… why not ask them? They are, surprisingly, open to the idea. In exchange they get to drive my car the week I’m gone, a trade we agree is fair.
They get to my house late, around 11:30. I’m still packing and they make fun of me for packing so much stuff. We keep saying we need to go to sleep, to at least TRY to get a little rest before the airport, but I keep getting distracted and climbing on top of them while we sit on the floor surrounded by stacks of my clothing. By the time we get into bed it’s nearly three in the morning, a full hour before we have to get up and leave. “Well, doesn’t look like we’re getting much sleep tonight anyway,” I say, pulling their body on top of mine. “I’m so tired” they say, still on top of me, collapsing their full body weight on me. “Okay,” I whisper as I kiss up their neck.
They roll off of me and we start to fall asleep, their small body cozied up in mine. I think they’re asleep, but they start pushing their butt into my crotch. They grab my hand without turning around and move it over their underwear, which they’ve already soaked through. “I see what you meant about the underwear,” I say, twirling my fingers over their briefs, their clit swollen just underneath the thin wet fabric. I stick my hand under their waistband, neither of us even bothering to remove them, and move my fingers up and down their junk, collecting all the mess they’ve already made. I move my hand up to their mouth, placing both my fingers inside their mouth. I want them to know how good they taste too.
Time is running out before we need to leave, and we still want to sleep. They push my hand back down into their briefs and push my fingers inside them. I keep my face close to theirs and rock my fingers inside them, smirking. As I start moving deeper, their body pulls me in and their moans get heavier. “Don’t look so pleased with yourself,” they say just before they come all over my hand, their underwear once again ruined. They tell me to keep going and I slow my movements, pressing my fingers upwards, and they say “oh my GOD” and come again. And again. Their whole body collapses flat on the bed and I give them a pair of my underwear to wear. We only sleep for 15 minutes.
They drop me at the airport and give me a sweet kiss goodbye, wishing me a safe and fun trip. I walk into the airport smiling, for what I can have with this person, for what I have with the person I am about to visit, for the relationships I have and how this all could be a very difficult situation — but it all works so well, and I am so happy. I doze before the plane takes off, the sun just starting to rise and the rain tapping melodically on the small window next to my head.
YIKES that’s hot
Hottt!
God damn, I should not have read this at work.
That’s so hot and how come all these people get to squirt and I am yet to meet anyone who does (even with other partners than me)! I am both jealous and turned on.
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