The Dinah Shore 2011 Liveblog Is Here – Autostraddle Does Girl Bar!

Hellooooo friends, and welcome to Dinah Shore 2011! Your intrepid Autostraddle editors will be scampering about Palm Springs like the cute little Chuck-Taylor-wearing sunburnt drunk internet kittens we are, and we have left an equally intrepid and adorable team of interns to communicate all of our adventures to you in the meantime. We’ll be hitting all the events, shows and parties of Girl Bar’s Dinah Shore Weekend 2011, and we want you to be there with us in spirit! Here’s a map of Dinah AutoHQ, courtesy of Design Director Alex Vega:

 

Autostraddle-girlbar-Dinah-map-2011

 

And check out our schedule of all the Dinah action happening this weekend! We’ll be at Girl Bar events Thursday through Sunday, and you might think you’re ready but you’re not ready. But we’re doing this anyway! Here we go!

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Thursday March 31st, 2011

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11:03 am: Tinkerbell is alive.

tinkerbell came to life

12:11 pm: Riese and Haviland made a pre-Dinah vlog for you! JK they just took some pictures together.

12:45 pm: Rachel, via email: This is groceries and booze for ten lesbians for four days, this episode brought to you by the letters T and J.

1:30 pm: Rachel, via email: Jk we’re not going to sunshine were just going to watch the real l word parody over and over the entire weekend.

But I want to see some girls in bikinis.

Emily Choo is sitting alone in her room eating triscuits and hummus. Carolyn is sitting alone in her room drinking coffee. Why is Canada so cold.

1:55 pm: Rachel, via email: Packing for sunshine = all of the mangoes.
2:23 pm: Rachel, via email: Lesbians in a car! We’re finally leaving LA!

2:51 pm: Rachel, via email: Just kidding, we haven’t left LA yet. Filling tires instead.

2:58 pm: Rachel, via email: MANGO TIME.

I am not sure what else is going on in that car right now but I am sure it is hilarious, until someone tells me I’m just gonna start writing on all the photos with white text in tribute to stuff lesbian kittens like.

Also #desertstraddle is going to be a thing, just like last time. Rachel says so.

3:27 pm: Sarah F*cking Palmface, via twitter: 3:29 pm: Sarah F*cking Palmface, via an email from Rachel: “I want to go to there.”

3:46 pm:4:05 pm: Everyone is still at In n Out, which is a restaurant, which I did not realize until Rachel sent me the following photos:Rachel, via email: You guys! I have never been to in n out ever in my life before, I am 99% sure this veggie burger wasn’t vegan but I ate it anyway.4:38 pm: Rachel, via email: i think my phone has been autocorrecting dinah to sunshine

5:09: Rachel via twitter:5:26: THE U.S.S. AUTOSTRADDLE HAS LANDED…sort of:

Sarah, via email: jess r., laneia and riese are in Palm Springs, figuring out the hotel sitch. Alex, Jessica, Rachel and I are still not there, because whatever car I take to Dinah apparently always ends up being hours late. But we’ll be there soon!

6:29 pm: Riese, via email:

so we have one room at the hotel zozo (or zoso? idk)
and one room at the hyatt
and all the alcohol is in the car
so far nobody has yelled at anybody so we’re doing better than last year

7:05 pm: Ok so Rachel and co. made it to Palm Springs an hour ago and we forgot to tell you about it.
7:08 pm:

Sarah F*cking Palmface, via email:

We are getting ready for the comedy show! While sipping whiskey, the conversation has turned to spirit animals. We decided that riese is her own spirit animal.

Alex: There’s no animal that encompasses you. You’re like a hybrid creation of someone like J.R.R. Tolkein.
Rachel: Yeah there are people asking their parents for a baby Riese.

7:18 pm: So it sounds like the drinking has started and is delicious, at least if you like bananas.

Laneia is all like, “Can I wear cowboy boots over pants?” Riese is heavily pondering this, but I think that we all know the answer is: shorts. The shortest shorts possible.
UPDATE: Rachel is worried that Laneia is not going to wear the cowboy boots. This is silly, as boots are for kicking ass, and that is what Laneia does. She is going with the pants. But we all know that pants are temporary/a social construct/meant to be removed.

7:46:

Rachel, via email: Also I got really excited about oranges and bought 8 pounds of them at Trader Joe’s but somehow no lemons or limes for drinks. I am not sure yet whether this was a mistake.

Can we all just discuss how this bag of oranges looks like a gnome?

8:00 pm:

Rachel: It turns out Alex vega and I use the same brand of makeup? I feel way sexier now

hot.

8:34 pm: Emily Choo — So, I haven’t heard anything from anyone in a while, but if you’re curious as to the liveblog of my life, I just finished eating a bowl of cereal and now I am staring at my computer screen.

8:36 pm: Somewhere in Palm Springs the following things are happening right this minute:

Girlbar’s Welcome Party at Hunter’s Night Club (8 pm to 2 am)

And Funny Girlz 6 Comedy Show, at Hotel Zoso, which started five minutes ago, if you are at Palm Springs and on a laptop reading this and were planning to make it there, RUN, you might miss Julie Goldman! (Also, Stamie K, Tracy Ryerson, Liz Feldman, and Erin Foley)

9:11 pm: Everyone at Palm Springs is MIA, Katrina is telling me about termites.

Katrina: did you know
that termites can fly
because we just found that out
Emily: HAHAH
wtf
Katrina: i know right
how fucking horrifying
Emily: what are you doing to solve this problem
Katrina: um, right now?
screaming and running around and emailing our landlord
Emily: that sounds productive

10:05 pm: Um, still no word from anyone. I guess this means they are having such a good time they forgot why they’re there in the first place: TO SEND CUTE PICTURES OF EVERYONE BEING MADE OF KITTENS, OBVS.

10:26 pm: This is what Katrina and Emily look like with no updates from the team.

where did everybody go?

 

katrinacat misses autocats

Also, we are vaguely worried, like lesbian mothers pacing around in slippers waiting for their drunk daughters to come home. Like, “Why you no call me? I wait up all night for you, you no come home for dinner, I worry myself sick! Santa Maria help us all!”

It is uncertain whether or not anyone’s mother actually talks that way, but if Emily and Katrina were Autostraddle’s lesbian mothers, they would probably sound kind of like that. It would also sound like this:

Emily: i think they all died already
Katrina: wow that was so quick
Emily: i know the weekend hasn’t even started
Katrina: we should go rescue them
while wearing cutoff shorts
Emily: we can squeeze into one plane seat
Katrina: or no pants
Emily: i wonder what happened to them
Katrina: i think probably ‘alcohol’

STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT.

10:48 pm: THE TEAM IS ALIVE AND HAS SOME VERY IMPORTANT UPDATES (turns out there was no internet and they were alive all along)

Rachel: Stamie’s son Jagger is my spirit animal. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

Sarah F*cking Palmface: Julie Goldman just said pussy SO MANY TIMES I can’t even

11:11 pm: Rachel via gchat:

Basically, we just went to Girl Bar’s Funny Girlz comedy show
with Tracy Ryerson, Stamie K, Liz Feldman, Erin Foley, and Julie Goldman
um
I think Stamie’s son Jagger is my spirit aniimal
fact
and Julie Goldman was amazing
obvs

Obvs.

11:14 pm: Rachel, Riese, Laneia, Sarah, Haviland, and Jess R are now back in the hotel room.

11:24 pm: Rachel via gchat:

brandy is coming over
we are skipping the party at Hunter’s and instead having a “never go to sleep ever in the hotel room” party

11:41 pm: So because of forces beyond anyone besides Verizon Wireless’s control, there are no pictures yet of anything funny or comedic. But trust me you guys it was super! Great! The bar had vodka tonics SO obvs it was super enjoyable.

11:44 pm: HELLO HERE ARE SOME BLURRY PHOTOS TAKEN VIA HTC ERIS. YOU ARE WELCOME. THIS EPISODE WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY VODKA TONICS.

 

IT'S HARD TO SEE BUT RIESE IS HOLDING A VODKA TONIC

 

STAMIE AND TRACY: THE CUTEST?!?

LIZ FELDMAN HAVING A MOMENT WITH INTREPID ASL INTERPRETER

12:04 AM: Julie, Brandy, Alex, Jess, Haviland and Sarah are boldly going where quite a few lesbians have gone before, which is to the Thursday night party at Hunter’s across the street from Hotel Zoso. Other members of Team Autostraddle are not so brave, and are staying inside the hotel room which is fortified with air conditioning and All Of The Oranges. It’s like All Of The Lights except Alex Vega is better at typography. Anyways tomorrow maybe we will have more updates and possibly photographs from the INSANE LESBIAN DEBAUCHERY of tonight’s party, but for tonight GO TO BED WEIRDOS. Or eat a mango or something IDK. We’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning! <3

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88 Comments

  1. The power is currently out at the Hyatt & they don’t know why. They also don’t know when it will be back on.

    • Apparently if you eat a mango about an hour before you smoke weed it gets you really high, so whenever I see people eating mangoes I think they’re stoners. Even though mangoes are tasty and whatever.

  8. True…I had a mango for dessert yesterday after dinner…..god…another lesbian cliche I have to live down (I am originally from West Hollywood) :)

  9. I am so glad this is happening this weekend. Refreshing this page may be the only thing that prevents suicidal ideation as I bury myself in the writing of major papers for the entire 48 hours.

      • I can’t stand it, I am going to have to get one tomorrow for lunch….nothing better than an in-n-out burger, fries and a coke..

        • omg they were just handing out in-n-out burgers FOR FREE in the main lounge in my dorms and I missed getting one by 3 FUCKING PEOPLE. I EVEN GOT THERE EARLY.

  11. Why am I not there?! Gah! It hurts me. I’m totes gonna stop by the store on my way home to make purchase of a mango or three.

  14. Eff you guys and your sunshine mangos and In-n-Out burger, while I sit in 40 degree Tennessee being underage and guzzling tea and popping vitamin C like candy trying to ward of a freakin’ cold and trying to finish a journalism paper that’s already two weeks late, I HATE YOU. :( :( :( :(

  15. I’m pretending I’m at Dinah by making the bar a work at a gay bar… in my imagination.

  16. Additional but necessary note about mangos. Apparently anyone who is allergic to poison ivy is also allergic to the substance in mango skin (it’s called urushiol), so don’t go ape shit tryna get delicious mango off of the skin with your mouth or you’ll get itchy lips within a few days and something I like to call (regretfully) Mangerpes or Mango Herpes. For instance: http://www.allergy-details.com/allergy-c/mango-allergy/

    Needless to say, it’s not exactly the condition you want your lips to be in at Dinah Shore weekend.

    Also, this is potentially extremely important and/or too late to make a difference, and for that, I am sorry. for you.

  17. Usually when the power goes out, there’s a bump in babies born nine months later….jusayin.
    ;-)

    • It came back on about an hour ago. Apparently it was most of the downtown area though. yay power!

  18. I ate three bananas today and one of them was in a sandwich. Just thought you should know.

  19. I’ll be spending the weekend drunk, hanging with my gay friends, and refreshing this page over and over again. So… it’s kind of like I’m at the Dinah kinda.

  21. Okay, Rachel and the oranges. Rachel and the oranges. You don’t know how much I want Rachel and the oranges.

  22. Oranges make Blue Moon 50X better (if you need an alcoholic use of them). Not sure if Blue Moon is a beer commonly found outside the SE.

  23. I’m kinda really tipsy right now, kinda feel like I’m with you in spirit.

    I really wish I was at Dinah right now, even if I hate crowds. It’s my ten year high school reunion this weekend, I get to hang out Adventists who don’t drink and generally think being gay is bad. I’m so taking a flask to church on Saturday (it’s part of the reunion activities, there’s no other way in hell you’re getting my atheist ass in a church).

    • wait what? your 10 year reunion involves church?!?! and i thought the idea of my 10 yr reunion was horrible enough. if they had added church on the invitation i may have been convinced it was an invitation to my own personal hell sent from the devil…..regrets not an option

      • There’s also a vespers program Friday evening, but I conveniently won’t be in town in time for it. It’s a private SDA academy, everything they do revolves around god and they have a special big service for alumni weekend.

  24. cinnamon powder then tequila shot then orange = qwpfohdsankvlmalbjghfsd;f

    my german friend told me that’s how the Germans do it.
    I tried it and now i refuse to drink my tequila shot any other way #justsayin

    • AND carpenter ants can fly. They can also sense water in a 3 mile radius and, in a drought, will fly right into your house and terrorize the aquatic turtle you are baby-sitting for your child’s classroom. Or so I’ve heard…

  30. I fell asleep for like three hours and since then there’s no updates from the team?! They all blacked out or something. I told them not to combine xanax and alcohol.

  31. I don’t know what it says about me, but I’m completely loving the commentary… possibly more than the Dinah updates. It’s vital information. The lives of people home on the computer while everyone else is out partying needs more airtime.

      • Yes. That.

        Also, this is making me have strange urges to liveblog my friday evening, mushroom risotto making. It’s not even that interesting.

  32. Yes, I did read this instead of getting ready for school. Now I’m late (but that might also be because of my untimely consummation of alcohol.)
    Priorities were always kind of my thing.

  33. Will be checking frequently for updates all weekend…be good you guys!! Actually, I mean be really, really bad!!! I want to hear some great stories of deviancy and video would even be better!!!! :)

    • 1. i love you
      2. really??? what about the thousand island dressing? there was definitely something orange in there??

      • oooooh, yeah. apparently sans sauce is vegan. otherwise, probs just veggie. Wanna pretend I didn’t say that?

        also, how does orange = non vegan?? I feel like this post will forever link you and orange (color or fruit) in my mind.

  35. Lmao… “dinah… sunshine”

    This is the best thing ever in my life so far right now at this moment while I type.

  36. You guys, I wanna be there soooo bad…every line I read of this live blog (while super awesome) makes me die a little more on the inside that I AM NOT THERE!

    *sob*

    Thats it! I am starting my Dinah 2012 savings fund RIGHT NOW!

  40. Woke up this morning to my phone ringing and my girlfriend called to say she wanted to breakup….stunned silence, pit in my stomach…..April Fools!!…god…i am such a sucker…she totally had me….

    We’re going out to lunch at in-n-out burgers today (all the burger talk yesterday made me hungry) and I’ll have to figure out a way to get back at her…..

    Off to classes….have a great day you guys!!! Want lots of stories and pics!!!!!

  42. Can I be weird and throw in a money-making idea for you guys?

    For every pic you take of an Autostraddler coming out of the swimming pool (what a money shot huh?) I’ll donate a dollar! $2 for executives! :P

  43. Thanks for the Liveblog! Will there be any Dinah Shore videos? Any footage from the comedy show?

  45. I LOVE this! I sooo wish I was at Dinah, but then again, maybe not! My father lives in PS and was talking about how he was checking out all the little “lipsticks” walking the streets. MAJOR GROSS-OUT NOW!!! EWWWW!
    Yeah, kind of ruined Dinah for me, until this post restored my love for it! YEA!

  46. i’m too jealous to function.
    oh canada–you’re cold and way less gay than i wish you were right now.

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