I was eager to see Babygirl alone, a solo date with myself, as I marveled and fantasized about my own passions. But after a steamy tête-à-tête with my primary partner, we agreed to watch it together and turn it into a risqué playdate. We queued up the film, and I inserted my wearable vibrator. He took the reins throughout the entire movie.
Buzzzz… Buzzzz… I squirmed in my chair.
This was not our first rodeo, but being controlled and possessed in those moments, while the main character Romy (Nicole Kidman) herself drowned in a pool of dark desires, felt especially validating.
Finally, seeing a character move beyond the domesticity of motherhood while acknowledging her longing for sensual tension was refreshing and magical. Many women aspire to find balance between these two facets of life. As a mother and a career-driven individual who holds power in various aspects of my own life, I immediately related to Romy. Like her, I also enjoy the duality of the Dom/Sub dynamic she experiences with Samuel (Harris Dickinson), her intern, as he dominates her. It’s evident she enjoys it. The iconic milky moment in the film leaves us pining for more, craving both a glass of milk and the animalistic foreplay they share in their first sex scene.
In the bedroom, the big O is not always the climax I hope to achieve. It’s the enchantment from the thrill of not knowing what I will be in for that draws me in and provides release. Sexual gratification has been an integral part of my everyday life. Engaging in pleasurable and fun-filled moments has been a key part of my nearly decade-long partnership. You could say it’s one of our secrets to maintaining a long-lasting relationship and friendship, with communication always at the forefront of our needs, wants, and desires. Sex has been my driving force for as long as I can remember. As a sexual abuse survivor, hypersexuality has lingered as a side effect. Nevertheless, it has also helped me cultivate self-growth and evolve into a sex-positive person.
This evolution did not happen overnight. It took years of sexual affirmation and one-on-one therapy sessions to reach the place I am today. In the film, Romy is shown making strides in a healing journey, as glimpses of her undergoing EMDR therapy suggest. While the film never explicitly confirms whether Romy experienced abuse, my personal reading is that she endured childhood sexual trauma. This inference arises from her mention of being raised in a cult or commune, and the flashbacks of her childhood further hint at a deeply traumatic history.
Because of the sexual trauma I overcame, I quickly learned about various sexual innuendos through salacious reading and research. Retaining all of this information pushed me to hide many parts of myself, including my pansexual identity, my preference for polyamorous relationships, and a kink lifestyle. Growing up in a Hispanic and tightly-knit Catholic community, sex was never a topic that was spoken over cafe y pan. Instead, I was taught to maintain my virginhood until marriage. As a teen mother, I was forced into marriage at a young age and, unfortunately, only experienced ‘vanilla sex’ up to my mid-twenties. Like Romy, I had sexual fantasies I had to suppress. I even would write them out, only to later replay them in my mind during sex with myself. If I even shared a glance of my cravings with my then-partner, I was reprimanded for even thinking of such obscene things. Thankfully, I left that abusive and controlling marriage, yet my inner sensual self yearned for more. I was not always aware of kink play, nor was I introduced to it early on; it was something I had to digest and explore on my own.
Babygirl examines themes of light and dark within both Romy and Samuel’s personalities. Their on-screen dynamic often resembles a form of child’s play, where each must comply with the other’s desires. But, at the core of their relationship lies a significant element of erotic control. Nourishment, portrayed as an act of ‘care,’ becomes a central motif in their affair, underscored by the constant tension and danger of being discovered.
Both characters undergo transformation. At the beginning, they play endless mindfucks with one another until they set some clear boundaries for what they want out of their affair. Ultimately, they find a common ground, one that allows both of them to channel and live out their wild energies together.
I relate to Romy, because we both have overcome traumatic experiences — even if that isn’t at the forefront of the film, it’s easy to identify it in the small glimpses of Romy’s backstory as a survivor of abuse. Like Romy, I carry that weight within me, and we have both learned to embrace pleasure through various mediums. We find empowerment in submission, kneeling to the concept of the “good girl” dynamic. There is freedom in openly communicating your wants and needs while maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself and others. Even in moments of surrender, there is power in knowing your desires are heard and valued.
