This recap of RuPaul’s Drag Race 1701 contains spoilers

It’s a talent show — not a uniqueness show. RuPaul’s Drag Race is back and up to its old tricks. That means a season premiere talent show but also some promised twists.

The episode begins with a riff on Squid Games as queens old and new stop moving when prompted to avoid getting pied. Is the theme of this season international television shows?? Alas, no, it’s reality TV, because, in very RuPaul marketing fashion, Netflix took their breakout series about the horrors of capitalism and turned it into a game show. Kind of like if ABC had made They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? into a reality competition show. So You Think You MUST Dance!

Anyway, it’s fun to watch some queens of the past get pies in the face and by the end the remaining queens are our season 17 newbies ready to walk into the workroom.

Let’s do a breakdown of the new queens!

Lexi Love is from Louisville, Kentucky and says she puts the whore in hormones. She’s been doing drag for 13 years and describes her style as avant-stoopid. I love that we’ve moved beyond trans woman firsts and now it’s just standard to have trans queens.

Joella is from Los Angeles, California and describes herself as a high energy slaysian diva. When she enters the workroom, she hits a gong with her hair. She’s also a self-identified KatyCat which is apparently what Katy Perry stans call themselves because there are apparently Katy Perry stans.

Kori King is from Boston, Massachusetts and describes herself as a Black Barbie — big blonde hair, tiny waist, juicy ass. She used to be a manga artist and says she’s two sides of the same shady coin with her drag sister Plane Jane.

Lydia B Kollins is from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and sums up her drag using filmmaker references: Tim Burton + John Waters + David Lynch. Her first name is taken from Winona Ryder’s character in Beetlejuice and the B stands for Butthole. She makes all of her own stuff and says she values creativity over perfection.

Arrietty is from Seattle, Washington and she describes herself as eccentric, dark, mysterious, and sexy. She’s very conceptual, but also very pretty beneath all the makeup, in my humble opinion. Her drag mom is Irene Dubois, but she insists she’s going to go further.

Jewels Sparkles is from Tampa Bay, Florida and finds her inspiration from Ariana Grande and Priscilla Presley. She’s only been doing drag for three years which seems fair considering she’s 22. She describes herself as a Latina supermodel with one brain cell and she’s very girly out of drag. I don’t know if she’s trans, but every season needs someone to come out midway through.

Lana Ja’Rae is from New York City and describes herself as a classy fashion girl. She’s Luxx Noir London’s drag daughter and owns that proudly.

Sam Star is from Leeds, Alabama and comes out in full American flag regalia. She’s Trinity the Tuck’s drag daughter, a pageant queen, and was voted most likely to be this season’s Elliott with Two T’s by me. Or maybe she’s wearing the American flag ironically! (Doubtful.) I’ll keep an open mind!

Onya Nurve is from Cleveland, Ohio and has the best drag name of the season. She’s a theatre queen with a BFA in painting and she says she’s there to represent Blackness and Black people.

Suzie Toot is from Fort Lauderdale, Florida and describes herself as Betty Boop meets Lucille Ball. She’s a tap dancer, a musical theatre girl, and she opened for Chappell Roan!

Hormona Lisa is from Chattanooga, Tennessee and describes herself as young and delulu. She was “hand-selected” by RuPaul after pitching herself at one of Ru’s book tour stops. This was apparently a viral moment that everyone saw.

Crystal Envy is from Asbury Park, New Jersey, but for some reason is not the Bruce Springsteen-inspired butch drag queen we deserve. She instead describes herself as perfect, polished, and poised.

Acacia Forgot is also from Los Angeles, even though her roots are more country. Inspired by the 80s and Dolly Parton, she wants to be the next big country star.

Lucky Starzzz is from Miami, Florida and is a colorful maximalist. She says she’s more of a Home Depot queen than a Party City queen. (RIP Party City.) She’s crafty and likes to use foam, paper, and other random materials. She’s camp meets club kid and she makes all her own stuff.

Three Florida queens! At least two trans queens! A wide variety of styles and personalities! Talent is TBD, but based on the entrances, this already felt like a well-cast season.

RuPaul shows up on the screen in a choice of a blonde wig to make a bunch of reality TV references and then real RuPaul shows up IRL in the work room to reveal that Lana Ja’Rae won the secret mini challenge of best pose during the opening. She then also reveals that Rate-a-Queen is back with a twist. This is a two-part premiere with half the queens doing the talent show this week and half doing it next week. Whichever queens are not performing will be doing the voting. And then the last place queens from each weeks will face off to determine who is eliminated first.

I think this was an inspired idea! This way the premiere episode still introduces us to all the queens, but it doesn’t overstuff it with all of their talents. Sometimes the Drag Race twists are stupid, but this one results in a premiere approach I hope they do again.

The girls get out of drag and thank God this season they are HORNY. Kori King says she’s looking for a man and is immediately smitten with Lydia who she says has barista vibes. Meanwhile, Arriety flirts hard with Lucky. Someone says Jewels is Ariana Grande in drag and Jeff Goldblum out of drag so either way watch out Elphaba.

The queens get to decide who goes week one and who goes week two and it mostly works out except one more queen is needed for week one. Maybe it’s not strategic but I’d absolutely go week one. It would be so stressful to wait! (I may not be cut out for Drag Race.) Lydia gives in and says she can go week one.

As the queens get ready for their first runway, we get our first glimpses of backstory. Jewels had a tumor when she was 14 and now has a bionic spine. She talks about assuming that meant she couldn’t dance but figuring out how to do it anyway. Lucky then talks about not performing the previous year, because she had to become the breadwinner for her family after her stepdad had an accident. Lexi doesn’t give specifics, but she also asserts herself as an underdog saying that she’s not a nepo baby like some other queens and instead comes from grime and grit.

Guest judge Katy Perry comes backstage and Joella is having the best day of her life. Everything Katy says is very annoying, but Joella afterward Joella cries and talks about being bullied and finding comfort in Katy’s music so idk I guess gay teens find comfort in all sorts of things. I loved Morrissey so who am I to judge?

The runway is Mask for Masked Singer. My favorites were Arriety as a bloody elven goddess, Crystal’s porcelain baby doll, and Kori’s raven. Oh and Lucky as a pizza monster because it reminded me of my favorite TikTok channel.

The first half of the queens start their talent show and I’m sorry but it’s always going to annoy me a little when the queens just lipsync to a song. As I said at the beginning, I guess it’s not a uniqueness show, but it still feels like lip syncing isn’t a special talent, it’s just basic drag?

But Jewels starts off with a lip sync to a song called La Leche which is well done if not all that special. I really thought she was going to shoot milk or cum out of her boobs and was disappointed when that didn’t happen. Arrietty also does a lip sync, but also flamenco dancing? To be honest, it’s not quite impressive enough dancing for THAT to be the talent.

Lydia at least brings the originality, coming out dressed as a puppet, lip syncing in the puppet, and then having the pit crew hold the puppet as she emerges in drag. The ending needed one more beat, but it was fun.

Lucky gives me what Jewels did not. She bikes out with a lemonade stand and her lemonade song does, in fact, end with her shooting lemonade out of her tits! Hooray!

Joella is another basic lip sync. Again, it’s good, but just not very exciting? And speaking of not exciting, Acacia makes a common Drag Race mistake. She brings her talent, but doesn’t drag it up enough. Her country song is good even if she’s just standing at a mic singing and playing guitar. I’ll always favor an actual special talent over the standard lip syncs though!

Suzie is the clear winner, lip syncing to an original song AND tap dancing. At one point, she announces she’ll be doing the Gettysburg Address in Morse code as she keeps tapping and Ru loves it.

The judging is done privately so as not to influence rate-a-queen and everything Katy Perry says is very annoying. She’s a surprisingly harsh judge for someone whose greatest talent is killing nuns.

The queens vote Acacia last and she makes a fair remark about bringing an actual talent instead of an overproduced lipsync track. Alas, there weren’t any clear flops, so her placing seems inevitable if unfair.

The top queens are Suzie and Jewels and they lip sync to Katy Perry’s “Woman’s World” for the win. Unfortunately, this means we all have to listen to Katy Perry’s “Woman’s World.” Both queens do a good job considering what they’re working with and even though Jewels does a bit better Ru picks Suzie because he clearly thinks she won the talent show.

I want Acacia to blossom into the drag country star we deserve! But, hey, Katy Perry compared her to an American Idol contestant and some of the biggest success stories from that show didn’t win.

Teleport Us to Mars!! Here Are Some Random Thoughts:

+During the opening bit, RuPaul is wearing the mask they hand out at Sleep No More. The production budget must’ve gone to those delicious looking pies.

+Drag Race is now sponsored by TodayTix which I hope means a season with a good Rusical.

+Kori really seems to not like Hormona for some reason.

+Lana’s runway look is a cat based on her own cat named Gouda.

+ As always, here are the sun signs of the cast:

Lana Ja’Rae – Taurus
Sam Star – Aquarius
Crystal Envy – Aquarius
Lexi Love – Sagittarrius
Joella – Scorpio
Lucky Starzzz – Aquarius
Arriety – Libra
Acacia Forgot – Libra
Kori King – Pisces
Hormona Lisa – Pisces
Jewels Sparkles – Leo
Suzie Toot – Aries
Onya Nurve – Gemini
Lydia B Collins – Gemini

A lot of air signs this season!

+ Queen I’m rooting for: Lucky Starzzz and Onya Nurve

+ Queen I’m horniest for: Arriety

+ Queen I want to sashay: Sam Star

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