Sabrina Carpenter’s Netflix holiday special A Nonsense Christmas with Sabrina Carpenter is 50 minutes of pure musical nonsense, Sabrina joined by various guests for duets and silly sketches. It’s made for those of us who know the truth about the holidays, which is that they’re a horny gay time. “Strap on,” Sabrina urges viewers at the top of the special, a curious phrasing. Shouldn’t it be strap in? No it should not! Because this is a holiday special for the freaks! Like is it just me or did her microphone the whole time look like a Magic Wand? That had to be on purpose, right?

The whole special is very funny. Megan Amram who wrote on The Good Place was one of the writers, and I think everything she does is hilarious. Sabrina leans into her persona as a tiny horny starlet. Definitely don’t skip the bloopers sequence at the end! Give this girl a holiday special every year! The former Disney star jumped out! She’s such a performer.

Queer comedian Megan Stalter appears in a sketch in which Sabrina seemingly doesn’t know she’s dating literal Santa. Cara Delevingne appears in a sketch as well, and the visual comedy of her towering over the very short Sabrina and Abbott Elementary‘s Quinta Brunson is delightful. Bisexual artist Kali Uchis duets with Sabrina on a version of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” that is somehow even more sexual than the original song, heightened by the fact that they perform while on a fur rug by a fireplace.

Chappell Roan also joined for a duet, singing a yearning-heavy rendition of “Last Christmas” with Sabrina. They both wore outfits I can only describe as mob wife meets wintry mermaid. The costumes throughout the special are very fun, so shoutout to the special’s costume designer Jeanie Cheek.

As a true believer in the holidays being a horny time and Christmas basically being a gay pageant, this special really did it for me. Though not quite good enough to unseat Matt Rogers’ Have You Heard of Christmas? as my favorite holiday special, but it serves as a delicious pregame to popping that modern classic on.

The special ends with Sabrina singing a holiday remix of her hit “Nonsense” that is stuffed to the brim with holiday-themed innuendo to an impressive degree. Here’s a snippet:

Think I only want you under my mistletoe
I might change your contact to “Has a huge North Pole”
You said you like my stockings better on the floor
Boy, I’ve been a bad girl, I guess I’m gettin’ coal (no)

My girl is the queen of unsubtle! I love it! If you’re looking to have a slutty, silly good time this Christmas, Sabrina Carpenter’s got you.

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