I was never on too many dating apps other than Tinder, which I liked alright but didn’t have much success on outside of a few fine dates and hookups. I talk about this all the time because it sounds like I’m making it up but I was also briefly on the very short-lived application called SCISSR, which only existed in Chicago. Yes, it was lesbian Grindr. And it was honestly amazing, but there weren’t enough users on it to really make it functional, and the founders didn’t really seem to understand what users even wanted out of the app (sex! It’s called Scissr!).

At the end of the day, I’ve gotta say my favorite “dating app” is actually Twitter, because it’s where I met my wife. We love our origin story: She slid into my Twitter DMs on Valentine’s Day!!!! Twitter and Instagram were both a big part of how we first got together; we both followed each other on there, and I was posting a lot of thirst traps on there (I was in a post-breakup hoe phase), and she would like them. But for a bit, that was our only real interaction, just some passive likes. Then she took things to the next level with the DM slide that changed our lives. So I did indeed have great dating success on the combination of Instagram+Twitter! Landed me a whole wife!

I’ve always been a big proponent of Instagram and Twitter as dating apps. But I’ve also been a frequent user of the more conventional ones, too. Have they worked for me? Largely, no. I find they’re mostly effective for receiving validation/remembering there are a lot of people out in the world.

I think in all my Tindering, I only hooked up with one person. Ditto with Bumble. The Tinder fling was better than the Bumble fling. I also made some friends from Tinder. I’ve had very little luck on Feeld. Is it embarrassing that maybe the best app for me has been Raya? Is that the most Capricorn thing ever?

Ultimately, I think the apps are all pretty similar and like all dating it’s just about luck, timing, and intention. The best connection I ever made on an app was via a shitty trans dating app previously called Fiori. I wrote an essay about our first “date” and then we had a really good second date before the pandemic cut things short. I think if the pandemic hadn’t happened we would’ve continued to date. But that has nothing to do with the quality of that app that very clearly was more for chasers than for trans people to meet each other.

While I am off the apps now, I have been on just about every single one at some point. I got two girlfriends from TikTok, which certainly served as a dating app. My current girlfriend and I first met on Twitter, which I would absolutely say is a dating app, especially for comedians like us. In terms of user experience and interface, I’d say Hinge was my favorite to be on.

This is truly a chaotic answer, but I used to THRIVE on Lex. I have no idea if this app is still a (helpful)(trustworthy)(inclusive) thing anymore, but back in my hot girl summer days I had a lot of success, in part because it’s not just a dating app; it’s a catch-all app. I could get on to look for a new couch and end up with a girlfriend. For hookups and other random things, Lex is the way to go. I’ve met all my SO’s in-person except for my very first girlfriend, who I met on Tinder. I wish I could meet folks on Twitter like the rest of the team, but that was never really my scene, plus I’m locked out of my account. If I were single and ready to mingle right now, I’d probably go the TikTok route.

In the past, I was that girl on and off of Tinder and Hinge. The most success I ever had was when it was purely for a hookup. I struggle with connecting with people off of the apps. My best dating stories came from in-person interactions, but if I was just trying to get laid, then Tinder was my go-to. Like many other trans women, I’ve been banned from Tinder. I’ve tried Feeld numerous times with little to no success. This year, I’ve been taking a break from dating, but when I’m back on the market, I’ll probably just slide into someone’s DMs on social media.

Craigslist in 2004? I can sort of trace my entire life back to the posts I made and responded to back then — granted some of those were about gigs and furniture, but I like meeting people in a context! In 2004, I’d just moved to New York City and I responded to a lot of “bi-curious” girls on craigslist looking for other bi friends to hang out with. I responded to a bisexual girl and her boyfriend who were looking for a friend with benefits, and we had a lovely summer together. Our story was on and off for the next few years, including me and the girl dating after she and her boyfriend had broken up. Another girl I met through an ad looking for friends in 2005 became a very close friend (and hookup), and then I met other girls she’d met through the same ad. One of them had met a girl on Friendster named Haviland who became my best friend for a long time. Also though, speaking of 2005, Nerve.com Personals was really great. I remember feeling at the time that Match.com was geared towards people in their thirties and up, and Nerve was like, twentysomething pretentious hipsters in Brooklyn, a demographic I felt adjacent to.

I’m going to keep it real and say I HATE dating apps. I really prefer going out and meeting people while I’m OUT or connecting with someone because of some other reason that has to do with us being in the same location at the same time. I’m sorry, but hanging out with your friends and then meeting new people in the process of hanging out is the one of the fuckin’ spices of life. Being around people is very good for our well-being as humans, and you can’t get any better at it if you don’t keep practicing. Despite this deep-seated hatred and love of sociality, I have been “on the apps,” as the kids say, a few times over the years just because someone in my life bothered me into it or because I was too impatient to wait to hook up with someone or meet someone new. I feel like I’m supposed to say HER is my favorite dating app because that’s where I met my wonderful, beautiful, very smart and funny girlfriend of the last 5 years, but that app sucks shit, honestly. I think we were just lucky that we randomly connected on there and decided to start hanging out. Aside from that, I met some wonderful people through OkCupid back in the day, but again, I’m struggling to see how that makes it good in any way. It was good for a while in the sense that there were tons of queer people on it before queer people were “allowed” to use other apps, and that’s about it. If it was up to me, I’d probably never think about dating apps again for the rest of my life.

I mostly use Tinder for people-watching and trying to get dates. It’s challenging, because I find using Tinder often sets people onto a mentality where they easily break off conversations when any boredom sets in. I’ve been ghosted enough to write about it. I’m actually with Drew about using Instagram to date people who are already in my life. Many of my most successful encounters came from people I was acquainted with in person and eventually messaged on Instagram. There’s a pre-established connection and set of interests we can bond over. There’s less of the app dating feeling of being evaluated within an endless slideshow.

I’m on Tinder a lot, and two of my three relationships came from Tinder. But I very happily maintain a secondary address in people’s Insta inboxes, and they’re in mine.

Also, note to the other trans girlies out there, especially new trans girlies: Don’t use Grindr unless you’re prepared to trade sanity for sex.

Weirdly, I don’t use dating apps. I’ve never been into it. I tend to do way better with in-person interaction. I would love to say it’s because I’m old-fashioned, but it’s honestly because I have engaged in an ongoing spiritual war with the skill of spelling and grammar. I feel like if I tried to send a cute message, they would mistake me for a 12-year-old and ban me from the platform.

My favorite dating app/website is actually the Instagram account that turned into Lex. I think it was called Personals! People would craft these elaborate, text-only personal ads, submit them to the account, and then wait for hot queer people to slide into their DMs. My submission went live after I started dating my current partner (we matched on Tinder, we then matched on Hinge, and finally went on a date, the rest is … well, domestic partnership and shared blankets), so poor timing on my part, but I remember scrolling through the personal ads and admiring all the horny queer creativity! My partner is the only person I’ve ever really dated from The Apps, though. I met all of my exes IRL, and tbh I prefer that!

I feel like I was most successful with Bumble back in my dating days. Tinder was also a good one for me, but I think I talked to a lot of people on there and only went on dates with two or three. I think I got a couple of dates from HER when I first got on the apps. And yes, I too used Instagram/Twitter to try and get dates, but all I got were friends, which is just as good. As far as my favorite, I feel like I have to say Lex, because that’s where I met my wife! She liked that I mentioned baking cookies, and I liked that her username was a play on the word “thespian.” That was four and a half years ago!

I actually met the first woman I dated on Facebook, which I do not recommend, but it’s just funny it happened that way. I went on a few bad dates via Tinder and Bumble before eventually giving up the dating app game. I didn’t like the way it made me feel, writing people off for a misplaced comma or for listing a TV show I don’t like. I’m now at the “if it happens, it happens” mentality; my mother likes to tell me that a girlfriend won’t show up at my door with a pizza, but also WHY NOT. I will say I’ve met most of my real life friends through Twitter, so I imagine that’s how I would end up meeting someone online, though I imagine if it does ever happen it will happen by meeting friends of friends. I do develop a lot of crushes on TikTok, but I don’t really make videos, I mostly just lurk and scroll, so I imagine that’s not a viable option for me.

I must have tried every dating app at one point or another with varying amounts of success. Tinder was a bust. I went on a couple of Bumble dates, one of which ended up being someone who thought she was on Bumble BFF and just wanted a city friend. Which I’m not against! It just wasn’t what I was looking for at that time. Hinge has probably been my second most successful app in that I’ve met two exes through it, each relationship lasting six months or so? Honestly, the app life can be so mindless and demoralizing; I find myself swiping when I’m bored and then get in my head thinking about how many people are doing the same thing and don’t actually care to get to know me.

But my most successful online dating story was meeting my ex via TikTok and sliding into their DMs on Twitter and subtweeting a few ridiculous one-liners. They then made a TikTok about how successful the one-liners were, and we ended up dating for a few months! I say it’s the most successful because, even though the romantic relationship didn’t work out, they’re one of my best friends and I genuinely can’t imagine my life without them in it.

I’m not actively dating right now, but I’m open to it if someone proves Valerie’s mom wrong and shows up at my apartment with a pizza! I do think I’m gonna need one of y’all who’ve had IG success to give me some pointers because HOW?!

I recently rage-deleted various dating apps, including my go-to, FEELD. I just got tired of the only poly options being people with nesting partners looking to add to their existing set of secondary partners, and I’m just a little too attention-seeking for that business at the moment. I’ve had some success meeting people on FEELD and really feel that if you gotta use an app, it’s not the worst one by far. Locally, HER just seems to be full of people who are disenchanted with the app and who will never talk to you, so it feels like a bust before you even can get started.

So, after deleting FEELD and saying I wasn’t going to be dating anyone new for the foreseeable future, I decided to be contrarian and try two apps whose reputations I think are antithetical to my vibe: Hinge and Match.com. Hinge has been predictably confusing, with one match already admonishing me for not responding to them when I had Covid, and my sister all but yelled at me for going on Match, saying that no one who’s up to anything good is going to be on there. Who knows, maybe I’ll keep deep-diving and try something like Plenty of Fish? I’ve been advertised this one recently that is distressingly called “Raw” — but I guess it’s meant to refer to the fact that it requires you to upload spontaneous “raw” photos from your life on a daily basis. They should have thought more deeply about that name, though.

For ACTUAL real-life flirting, I do recommend Instagram as a dating app. It just makes sense so much more so than the apps actually geared toward dating!