The following content contains mentions of masturbation, sex toys, oral sex, penetrative sex, group sex, cannabis use, as well as references to Palestine/Israel
Welcome back to our Anonymous Sex Diaries series where queer and trans people from around the world let us into a seven day snippet of their sex, love and dating lives.
Lately, it feels like my whole life has been in freefall. I made the decision to attend divinity school at an Ivy League institution, despite protesting elite higher education my whole life. But the program called to me, everything fell in place, so I came. I am unpartnered, cis, and consider my sexuality and romantic orientation to be fluid. Like most young people who grew up in a conservative state, I’m still coming to terms with what queerness means to me. I’ve found that exploration to be enjoyable, especially through the lens of sex.
I chronicled a week in my life at divinity school because being here has surpassed all of my expectations. For starters, I’m surrounded by mostly queer, progressive individuals with the same interests as myself. In my first week of academics, I texted my best friends, “I think studying religion is making me horny,” because I’ve been wanting to jump everyone’s bones (respectfully).
And thankfully, I’ve been doing that.
Day 1
It’s my busiest day, class-wise. I’ve gotten into the habit of self-pleasuring every morning before getting out of bed — my idea of meditation — because it reduces stress and honestly, it’s just fun. I’ve been going on casual dates with locals and students from the other grad schools, but I haven’t been drawn to one particular person. I’m noticing that my type at divinity school is mostly femme women with long hair and stick and poke tattoos (you can take the woman out of Brooklyn, but you can’t take the Brooklyn out of the girl).
There’s this particular girl who we’ll call Aurora (she/her). We have mutual friends at the school, but no classes in common. I see her in the quad and we’ve been DMing each other on Instagram casually. We’re stuck in the bisexual hell of loosely agreeing to plans, but never actually making them (she’s an air sign, which, yeah).
In one of my classes, I’ve been getting closer to someone named Alex (they/them). Part of divinity school is talking about our experiences and feelings constantly, so we’ve gotten to know our classmates quite intimately through just our coursework. They’ve been really open about their gender identity journey and I admire the nuance and multitudes they bring into the world. We made plans to get drinks later in the week and I used my favorite rabbit vibrator before bed, again.
Day 2
As with most college institutions, there are pockets of social justice groups. I joined the LGBTQ+ club without much expectation. I had expected it to be mostly trauma-informed, given the state of the world, but I was pleasantly surprised when everyone seemed to be more interested in getting high, dating each other, and doing gay shit (watching music videos on someone’s projector). There’s a poly couple who I’ll refer to as Trav (she/they) and Mara (she/her). I made out with Mara during orientation week and had gotten along with her partner as well… so I guess it wasn’t much of a surprise when they asked if I would be interested in a threesome.
I love the queer community for so many reasons, but especially because of how considerate everyone is around sex. Unlike straight male partners I’ve had in the past, there’s much more emphasis on communication and comfort. We set ground rules and no-no’s; I told them I was pretty much game for everything, but I didn’t want to be choked or spat on.
I’m more attracted to Mara, but it seems to turn Trav on that we have this chemistry. I was very much happy to be their toy and spend a few hours having my own fun; I know that I’m not in a place where I’m very emotionally available, so this was sort of a perfect arrangement. Mara undressed me while Trav was kissing my neck, but kept my underwear on. It had been ages since I had been teased slowly, so I was already ready to explode when Mara put her tongue on me through my soaked underwear.
At one point, I remember Trav pulled my hair while Mara was fingering me, the two of them making out. It felt like there was some subliminal competition between them over who could make me come first or faster. My underwear was finally ripped off at some point and our bodies were slick messes, hair and mouths and hands grabbing for each other. I know threesomes are typically seen as this exotic, hard and fast thing, but ours was slow. It was soft. Tender, even.
I ate Trav out while Mara rubbed me from behind. I love her hands and I vaguely remember telling her that at some point. Trav came the most out of all of us, and I, myself, came twice and I left feeling lighter than I ever have. Though they offered me food, I didn’t want to actually be part of this more romantic side of their lives. We’ve all been pretty explicit about what we want during these weird years of our lives (gays at divinity school, after all), and so far, everyone’s been respectful of that.
I came home, showered, and passed out without a second thought.
Day 3
The next day passed without any excitement or bad news. I got a text from Mara and we made small talk about what’s happening around the campus. I like to think in another life, or maybe another time, I would have been more interested in exploring something more concrete with her. But as it is, I like what I’m doing now, being unattached.
This was by far my most boring day, but alas.
Day 4
I have this theory about why it is that divinity school is making me so horny. I think it has something to do with the fact that most of the world religions have restrictive cultural norms around queerness. It feels like an act of defiance that so many of us are even here. Of course, queerness has existed throughout history and in every religion. But it still feels surreal that we’re having conversations about sexuality and gender through a religious lens at an Ivy League. It’s the awe that we’re here, combined with the stress of actually being in school. I have always been sexually active, but I’ll find myself getting randomly wet in class.
I have this fantasy of having sex somewhere on campus, but probably not the divinity school (for now) because I still have some hang-ups.
After class, I met up with Alex at a bar just off-campus. It’s easier to flirt with them outside of class. For almost two months, it feels like we’ve been building tension just through casual exchanges, but in a non-academic setting, it’s like we were ready to explode. At one point, they touched my leg and I almost started rubbing myself. I invited them back to my apartment because it was closer and on the way, they started kissing my hand and telling me they can’t wait to see how I taste.
As soon as we’re inside, I immediately go to my knees (yes, the irony of being at divinity school and doing this was not lost on me — honestly, it just made things hotter) for them. I sucked them off for a few minutes while we made the most intense eye contact; I don’t remember who broke it off first, but eventually we were on my bed and they had their tongue in me. They started fingering my ass and I made a mess on their face when I started grinded down on them.
I haven’t had penetrative sex in awhile, but I had known Alex long enough to feel comfortable with them. It’s not my favorite way to have sex, but it was still enjoyable. I was on top and they kissed my tits while I rubbed my clit the way that I liked until I got off. Obviously, we used protection. I rolled us a joint afterwards and when they were rubbing my thighs in bed, they asked if I’d ever pegged anyone before. I answered honestly “no.” They asked if I would be interested, and I told them yes,
Alex didn’t ask to sleep over and I wouldn’t have said no, but I was also happy to have the bed to myself. We kissed goodnight and I smoked another joint before going to bed. Another happy night.
Day 5
The hardest day of the week. Every college campus is having a moment of extreme tension with everything that’s happening in Gaza. Divinity school, as you can imagine, is no exception. I attended a protest for Palestine that day since I had the day off. It was a sea of grief, anger, and hope. I saw Trav and we talked about what it means to be here, out of all places, while this is happening. It was nice to see a familiar face.
The rest of the day was a bit of a haze. I just felt so sad and sick to my stomach as more news came out of Gaza. I remember wanting to get homework done, but not being able to do it. I thought about going out and maybe seeing Alex again, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave my house. I felt so drained of energy that I just ended up going to bed early that night.
Day 6
The sadness continues. There’s sex and fun and all, but I found myself truly just in need of some intimacy. I texted Alex to see what they were doing and they were, luckily, free. Alex came over and we ordered food. I wanted to fuck them immediately, but it didn’t feel like it was this desperate, burning desire like earlier. We also never verbalized the switch in our relationship, but it felt like we were on the same page, so I didn’t feel the need to bring it up.
We laid on my couch, watching Netflix, cuddling. It was nice just to be touched and held for a little bit. After a while, they started fingering me and asked me if I had any toys. I showed them my clit suction vibrator and they asked if they could watch me use it. I happily obliged. I set the setting to the highest intensity and rubbed it along my lips until I was wet while Alex played with my nipples. When I finally started fucking the toy, Alex stuck their finger in my mouth while I sucked. It didn’t take me that long to come.
Alex and I fucked again and it was good, but I could sense that after all the build up from the first half of the semester, we were settling into a less intense rhythm. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it was like after that first time, the fire had gone down. Just a little bit. We said goodbye and made plans to go see a show next week.
A few hours later, I found myself horny again. I took a video of me fucking myself with my fingers and sent it to Alex with something like, ‘still thinking of you.’ They replied instantly and said they won’t leave me wanting for more next time. But truly, I think divinity school is just making all of us bigger sluts than we were before.
Day 7
Oh, Sunday.
I had a slow day, so I slept in and then woke myself up by watching some queer-friendly porn and using my toy. I knew that I had a few assignments that I could get ahead on but… decided not to. It’s the Lord’s day of rest or whatever. After running the usual tasks of cleaning, grocery shopping, paying the bills, I just smoked and played a few hours of Zelda.
Aurora DMed me a meme and we started talking about astrology and how this period between the eclipse was kicking both of our asses. She suggested that we take our minds off school by doing something fun next week, like going to a brewery. I said yes. No concrete plans were made, so the bisexual scheduling hell continues (that admittedly, I’m contributing to). Still, I like Aurora more than anyone I’ve met at the divinity school so who knows what the rest of the school year will bring?
