Feature image of Jayogen and Mia Li in Crash Pad Series episode 215. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are from the Crash Pad. The inclusion of a visual here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Maggie McMuffin and Tender Furiosa in Crash Pad Series episode 295

“Gender isn’t binary, and neither is anatomy,” write Autostraddle’s Archie Bongiovanni and Sarah Mirk at the Nib.

Everyone is on someone else’s elaborate sex spreadsheet. Personally, mine includes name, pronouns, astrological sign, how we met, and approximate date(s) or date range.

Why are humans conceptually into sex with aliens?

“[T]here is arousal and excitement in variety, and expanding your sex toy collection beyond your go-to vibrator is a way to experience different sex and new pleasure. Are you interested in experiencing different sensations, or perhaps double penetration? There are dildos for that,” writes Sophie St. Thomas at Allure.

Here are a few things you can do if you feel lonely.

Lindsay Cin and Valentine in Crash Pad Series episode 276

Yes/no/maybe lists — where you give one of those three answers to a long list of sexual acts — can be a great tool for figuring out how to talk to a partner about what you’re into and what your boundaries are:

“Having a fulfilled sex life doesn’t magically manifest — it takes intention and self-exploration to not only figure out what you desire but also how to communicate about those desires with your partners. When engaging in the yes/no/maybe worksheet with a partner, it’s important to take time individually filling out your categories before discussing them together. This reduces the likelihood of influencing one another’s responses to mirror what it is you think your partner wants. It also creates more spaciousness for explicit and decisive nos. For people who struggle to create boundaries, this worksheet can ease pressure as everyone is bound to have a list of hard no’s.”

Jacquie Blu and Valerie Paige in Crash Pad Series episode 294

What do you do when someone wants to talk it out immediately after a fight and someone else wants space? Therapist Vanessa Marin advises a question asker:

“If you like to talk things out right away, that’s perfectly understandable and valid, and if your partner needs some time to process his thoughts and emotions before communicating, that’s perfectly understandable and valid too. I know it’s scary to worry that your communication styles are incompatible, but I think it’s important to start with acknowledging that you two are naturally going to have different communication styles. If you feel like your style is seen and respected by your partner, that opens up a lot more space for you to make changes to your style. On the other hand, if you think your partner is trying to force you to change or is judging you for it, that makes it a lot harder to want to do things their way.

Next, I would encourage the two of you to try to be curious about the way each other does things when you’re calm and in a good place. Why is it so important to you to talk things out right away and in detail? Why does your boyfriend feel the need to take some time and space? Asking these kinds of questions of each other with an open mind and genuine curiosity will help you feel like you’re on the same team.”

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