Seventy-five years ago last summer, we put out a call for new writers and over 650 people applied and while it nearly killed me (would’ve been a wonderful way to go, thank you all very much!), it also filled me with wonder and glee, because everyone is just so fucking fascinating! We asked applicants to list their areas of expertise and let me just say upfront that there are a lot more birdwatchers out there than you’d probably guess.
Here are some other niche topics that people were ready to write about at the drop of a hat.
- what people are fighting about on Twitter
- falconer
- sensitive, white girl Ikea decor
- being in the Midwest (cheese)
- which craft stores are ethically sourcing their wool
- why pie charts suck
- Having multiple conflicting feelings at the same time
- Mitski’s right hand in the Geyser music video
- Nora Ephron
- trying not to be a U-Haul Lesbian and also being a U-Haul Lesbian
- Bottle-feeding kittens
- my dog & her various doggy woes
- being Very Online™
- homophobic 80s-90s action/horror movies
- Cate Blanchett
- large appliances
- screaming and crying in socially inappropriate spheres
- Sandra Bullock’s entire filmography
- Vermicomposting
- unlikely instances of near death experiences
- the neopets stock market
- animals that look like people
- Kristen Stewart’s facial expressions
- Apocalypse prepping
- Satanic philosophy and history
- why queers love My Chemical Romance so dang much
- casseroles
- cultivating hobbies in your 20’s to feel alive again
- a fascination with straight people’s behavior
- I also am extremely into bees. Like, my dudes, you have — I swear to you, on my mom, that this is an absolute fact — never, ever met someone who knows or cares about bees as much as I do. Everybody says, “Oh, I love bees; hell yeah, save the bees!”… but they’re only ever talking about the European honeybee, apis mellifera, a species transplanted from its original endemic territory to support large-scale agriculture, a practice that has had a purely negative impact on the earth and upon ourselves ever since humanity’s shift to agrarian society from hunter-gatherer culture circa 3000 BCE. Have any of these people who “love bees” even HEARD of solitary species? Do they know about thyreus nitidulus, the neon cuckoo bee? It’s blue! It’s beautiful!
- intersectional Satanic feminism
- boobs??!
- eating a 1lb bag of Sour Patch Kids in under an hour
- MILFs
- Cringey mid-2000s teen dramas that had too few lesbians
- Paul Giamatti’s film and music career
- baseball caps worn backwards
- Amish romance novels
- everything about donuts
- wholesome thirst trapping
- the Venn diagram of Janelle Monae and Carly Rae Jepsen fandom
- insulting men who say gross stuff to me in my DMs
- …cooking pasta?
- saying embarrassing things that make me want to die in a hole
- going on 100 first dates without ever getting a second
- Committing to a bit that was never that funny to start with, but now that I’ve started you can pry it from my cold dead hands
- knitting penis-shaped pillows
- identifying what episode of The Nanny it is based on C.C. Babcock’s hair
- running long distances very slowly
- puppets, just all types of puppets
- communications cables and antennas
- girl groups of the ’60s
- moss
- The Devil Wears Prada Cerulean Monologue
- telling people to quit things they should quit
- power tools one can rent from Home Depot
- Hayley Kiyoko (I’m a three-time award winner of the “Most Likely to Mention Hayley Kiyoko in a Piece Not About Hayley Kiyoko” award at [redacted publication])
- Irish country singer Daniel O’Donnell
- golden retrievers
- geology, specifically volcanoes
- Fyre Festival
- The Boys Are Back In Town
- Film bros and how to shut them down
- ruining vegan cakes by accident
- having two straight women as best friends
- loud eyeshadow
- horses, Jodie Foster
- Which Lana Del Rey Song to Make Out To
- Mid 2000’s MySpace/Emo Culture
- lesbian weddings (not my own)
- Charcuterie Boards
- the perils of being Very Tall Indeed
- media to watch while stoned
- escape rooms
- 18th century satire
- basket-weaving, I am not kidding do you want to see a picture of my basket
- Hannibal Lecter
- History of the ball-point pen
- swords
- old dyke stuff
- I’m not a sex toy expert, but I’m sure I could learn
- drawing ugly stick figures
- 70’s soft rock
- A-Camp
- Big Little Lies, the audiobook of Big Little Lies
- middle aged actresses
- Bath and Body Works candles
- consuming popular media years after everyone else and letting people enjoy it again vicariously through you
- how to take care of a backyard above-ground pool impulsively purchased at Target in Denver, a place with no water and weird weather (an ongoing investigation)
- spending money I don’t have to support women on Kickstarter
- a deep knowledge of 1800s British literature that I did not ask for
- treating your plants as your children
- HORSES
- Should a Duggar ever come out, I am READY to write that article yesterday
- aggressive inline skating
- Barbra Streisand; circus history
- identifying British birds
- being an Appalachian in New York during the Year of Our Dumpster Lord 2019 when the New York Times seems determined to profile everyone I’ve ever been to Walmart with
- being friends with theater people
- how to make couples fall in love with you even when they totally thought they were just going to “try” a threesome “once” lol
- Linoleum
I just wanted to say that the bee person gave me hope for the future.
Hum on, friend.
I looked up the Thyreus Nitidulus and it really was beautiful.
Oh, good, I’m not the only one who looks at a teensitty tinesitty hole in the ground wondering if that’s the domicile of a solitary bee neighbor.
Can whoever said they’d write about the Janelle Monae/Carly Rae Jepson fandom overlap please give me a quick thesis? I am fascinated, if only because those two artists are an outsized part of almost any playlist I make.
At least two (2) people mentioned horses so clearly there’s a thirst for more queer horse content and I support that.
Yes, please! The big book of lesbian horse stories is not enough.
Ready for the EQueerstrian content
Can the bee charmer please get a column?
Seconded
OMG Bee Charmer
Statistically one of those Duggars at LEAST is going to come out someday. There are too many for it not to happen. Whichever one (or more) of them it is, I hope they are okay right now and know that we’re out here waiting for them. We got you, queer or trans Duggar! There is life outside your family’s compound!
Please commission articles on
20. Unlikely instances of near death experiences and
65. Having two straight women as best friends
My near death* experience was when I was in Switzerland and went on a pedalo with a slide on it, slid down the slide and then realised that where they normally have a couple of steps so you can climb back on and there were no steps.
I kept trying to pull myself back on but I had zero arm strength so just couldn’t do it. My (now ex) wife tried to pull me back on but couldn’t. She then suggested she would get in the water to help me back on, but I vetoed that as a very bad idea.
Then I was going to hold on whilst she pedalled back, but in the end I decided to swim back to the shore of the lake. I swam literally about five strokes and I was in water shallow enough to stand.
We had the whole time only been about 20 or so metres from shore (on a calm lake) but I hadn’t processed that and was convinced that I could potentially drown if I couldn’t get back on the pedalo.
*It felt like near death even though I am sure I must have been at greater risk of dying on other occasions.
Who is the basket weaving person? I think we could be friends. I’m tired of always showing my latest (historic) craft projects to my not really interested friends.
Is this where I weave in another “Hell in a hand basket” reference ?
Because I’m thinking about hand baskets more and more these days, like how to make mine more comfy and what snacks to bring for that final ride. @hooloovoo and @lesbionic , do you take commissions ?
Those who wrote 51, 57 and 73 are my heroes and I wish we could be friends!
Please can you commission an article from #49 this is the content I want and need!
Also #76 I too would like to see your basket!
let me just say upfront that there are a lot more birdwatchers out there than you’d probably guess.
BIRDING IS EXTREMELY QUEER. BRING ON THE QUEER BIRD(ER)S.
Yes!
I prefer watching birds to watching the L-word reboot.
I love this comment thread in the context of your usernames
If you watch Gen Q through binoculars, can you pretend it’s the mating rituals of the Powersuited Bushtit ?
Queer birders unite! Best way to woo a lady is through big eBird energy.
Wait Paul Giamatti has a music career? On the other hand, I’d be interested in Barbra Streisand circus history.
“72 -the perils of being Very Tall Indeed”
I can see the peril below, as I gaze off into the distance from atop my ludicrously high heels
I did wonder if you’d written that
I did not, but damn if I don’t want it on a Tshirt
This looks pretty perilous to me:
Taken just last night, while she suffered from veggieburger pains. I was tall.
This photo is making me gayer
102. which DCOMs are actually queer slash about polyamory
100 and 101 both seem to be deeply pertinent articles that could be written
48. identifying what episode of The Nanny it is based on C.C. Babcock’s hair
I need to know this person because they likely love The Nanny just as much as me.
I love The Nanny!
I completely forgot about the neopets stock market but I’d like to personally thank whoever that person is for reminding me and also do you want to talk neopets sometime because I was o b s e s s e d at one point.
Can we please also discuss the economy of things that do not seem immediately commodified??
I need 30, and 32 – 34 in my life stat.
Hello i hope you hired #30, and if not i need a good reason why a bee column isn’t being commissioned bc this is absolutely the content i need in my life