WE’RE BACK, BABYYYYY!!!! This episode was a roller coaster of emotions but I WAS SO HAPPY that our Legends were back I couldn’t even be too upset about it. Let’s start with a little refresher of where we left off before this absurdly long hiatus then jump right into it.

In the first half of the season, magical creatures were afoot. They originally were sending all the creatures straight to hell until they met a shapeshifter named Charlie who taught them to be a little more discerning. Nate’s dad Hank gave Ava and the Time Bureau a bigger budget to keep the Legends at the top of their game, and Ava used it to set up cells of holding to keep the creatures instead of killing them. She hired a girl named Mona to be their caretaker, but had no idea that Hank was going behind her back with something nefarious called Project Hades. While on the job, Mona got a little too attached to a Kaupe named Konane and was secretly in his cell when some Men in Black came to steal him away to get experimented on. Konane ended up killing the Men and scratching Mona before escaping into the night.

Our triumphant return begins with Sara and Ava bringing in the possessed puppet they had to deal with technically two episodes ago since the last episode was the altered timelines episode.

Just casually wheeling a puppet in a straightjacket around, nothing to see here.

Hank comes in and is yelling at Ava because the Kaupe escaped and wants her to find the Kaupe and fire Mona, STAT. Ava starts barking orders and I start sweating and Sara tries to calm her down but Ava is upset; she blames herself for letting herself have fun with the Legends and thinks if she had been at the Bureau the Kaupe never would have gotten loose. Sara looks her in the eye and promises she will fix this. For Ava.

Pinky swear.

Ava sends Gary to the hospital to see/fire Mona, and he’s so disappointed in her. She tries to tell him about the Men in Black but the footage they found only showed Mona in the Kaupe’s cell. Since he doesn’t believe her, Gary tries to follow through with the firing procedure, which includes flashing her memory away (ironically, like a different type of Man in Black) but she gets her hands on the device and flashes him a few times instead. She convinces the now-very-confused Gary to give her his jacket and time courier and leaves him in the dust.

Mona finds Konane in the parking lot, and he’s feeling guilty that he hurt her. She understands that he had just been scared, and when they see a shady car pull up near them, they take off. She uses her stolen time courier to shove him through a portal and breaks the device, so by the time Sara and Ray catch up to her, Konane is lost in time and space.

“I told my girlfriend I’d fix this LET ME FIX THIS.”

Mick comes in hot and tranquilizes her, and they take her back to the Waverider. When she comes to, she tries to tell them that Konane isn’t a monster and about the Men in Black and their plot to hurt and torture the magical creatures.

Her story sounds far-fetched and like a little kid’s attempt to stay out of trouble, so Sara and Zari are understandably dubious.

LOOK. AT. THIS. FACE. So precious.

Sara tells Mona that she believes her to get Mona to cooperate, but later tells Zari she needs her to find the Kaupe instead of investigating the Bureau. Zari still wants to hack the footage and see whether or not Mona is lying.

Sara is sure there can’t be something shady going on at the Bureau, otherwise Ava would have found out about it and fixed it by now, but Zari convinces her to let her see what she can find out, as long as she stays under the radar about it.

Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.

Gideon helps the Legends track Konane to Mexico City in the 60s, where there’s a new luchadora in the local lucha libre ring called El Lobo. Ray and Charlie are the two legends that have to hang back for this and Charlie is pissed. I missed that fireball so much.

The Legends meet a luchadora named El Cura, who is drinking at the bar and lamenting El Lobo, who isn’t playing with etiquette, choreography, or storylines and is just winning every match. Constantine recognizes him as a famous wrestler from classic movies, but in this timeline El Cura has all but given up, the love of the sport ruined by this newcomer.

El Lobo comes out into the ring and the crowd goes wild; he really eats it up and Mona is so happy for him. You see, Konane was a demigod in his timeline, and he’s finally being adored instead of caged and tortured. And that’s why she’s insistent that the Legends don’t return him to the Bureau.

Speaking of the Time Bureau, Nate finds Zari poking around and she confesses that she was checking for doctored footage and did indeed find some. She can see the phone number of the person who uploaded the fake video and just needs to trace the number but there’s no need because Nate knows that number; it’s his dad’s.

“Sucks to be you, bruh.”

Back in Mexico City, while Sara is trying to get Mona to follow her plan, El Cura jumps into the ring and challenges El Lobo to a “luchas de apuestas” and says that the loser must be unmasked and forfeit wrestling forever.

Konane agrees and the announcer sets the match for the following night. (I guess I should have done this up top but saying “announcer” and “match” in one sentence made me think of it: the closest to watching wrestling I’ve ever done is play the WWE video game on like Super Nintendo in the 90s…and watching GLOW on Netflix. So I apologize for any terminology I get wrong.)

In the excitement, Mona almost gets herself trampled, but Konane scoops her up and carries her off to his cute little campsite.

Back at the Time Bureau, Nate wants to believe that Hank had good intentions so he decides he and Zari should go to his parents’ charity gala tonight to steal his phone and see what they can see. They make awkward jokes about them having to pretend to date and how ~weird~ it will be which is a really obvious set-up for them actually dating in the future and I already hate it because Zari/food is the only Zari ship I support at this time.

Sara and the Legends find Mona at Konane’s campsite and Mona tries to convince them, yet again, that Konane is a gentle creature but her promises are undercut by the Kaupe flying in and attacking them all. Mona manages to stop him before he hurts anyone too badly and Sara tranqs him and brings him back to the Waverider.

Gotcha.

When Sara gets back on the ship, she sees Zari getting all gussied up and fills her in on what she knows so far.

I loved these shots.

Sara wonders if Ava is involved in all this, and Zari says that if Ava ISN’T involved, it could mean she’s in danger.

Ava is dressed up for the gala too, and finds an extremely confused Gary who managed to muscle-memory is way back to HQ even though he can’t even remember where his missing nipple went, his favorite badge of honor.

I hope Jes Macallan has her hair insured because DAMN.

After learning about what Mona did to Gary, Ava calls Sara to warn her that Mona is dangerous. But she quickly realizes that Sara has Mona AND the Kaupe in custody already.

“Kaupe? What Kaupe? This is…uh…a guy Constantine brought home…”

Ava starts demanding Sara bring in the fugitives immediately but Sara panics about their line being bugged and hangs up on her girlfriend without explanation.

Sara turns to Mona and says that she better be 100% sure about this secret Time Bureau torture because Sara is going to be in HUGE trouble either way.

This is the face of a woman who knows she just fucked up.

So Sara suits up (in a dress, not a suit, sorry) and gets ready to go to the gala to talk to her gal in person.

Sara leaves Ray in charge and tells him not to do any time traveling while she’s gone, but as soon as the cat’s away, the mice peer pressure Ray into taking them to back to Mexico City to help quell the mayhem that broke out when El Lobo mysteriously disappeared.

I also couldn’t say no to this face so I can’t really blame Ray for giving in.

Then we head to the gala, where Zari and Nate are pretending to date. More importantly, Sara arrives and checks Ava for bugs under the guise of beginning a dance, and then they Mrs. and Mrs. Smith dance and argue in hushed whispers.

I did not breathe this entire scene.

They talk about infiltration and Sara tries to convince Ava there’s something shady afoot but Ava isn’t wont to believe the creature handler who ran away with a Kaupe.

“I could have danced all night.”

I don’t know a lot about ballroom dancing and frankly it’s been so long since I watched Dancing with the Stars I don’t even remember if it’s a tango or a waltz (I feel pretty sure it’s not a rumba but I couldn’t resist the joke in my recap title), but the two of them switch back and forth between who is leading, the dance and the conversation.

So few shows could have pulled this off with such grace. And I don’t just meant the dancing skills.

Realizing they won’t end up on the same page in this, Ava ends the dance and walks away. Eventually she comes back to tell Sara that she figured out where the Legends took the Kaupe and is sending an extraction team to get him.

Working that dress and literally working.

When Ava leaves again, Sara wants to chase after her, but she has to join her Legends in Mexico City and save the Kaupe. Before we leave the gala entirely though, Zari steals Hank’s phone. Zari unlocks the phone and sees the original footage with the Men in Black, just like Mona said.

In Mexico City, Mona and the boys try to train El Lobo, and they finally get him to start pretending to lose when Mona tells him they can run away together to Hawaii just like the characters in her favorite romance novel by Rebecca Silver (aka Mick’s pseudonim.)

Sara calls Ava to try to smooth things over but despite Sara explaining that the wrestling match is actually important to the city’s history, Ava sends in her extraction team. When they get to the match, Sara says to give ’em hell; they’re not giving up the Kaupe without a fight.

I love when people can give “kick some ass” orders in a ballgown.

A group fight ensues and the crowd assumes it’s part of the show and is having a blast. Charlie eggs the fight on like it was what she was born to do, and they bolster the Legend of El Cura.

“Hey Siri, what’s a rabble-rouser?”

El Cura does his famous finishing move and becomes the hero he was meant to be. He helps El Lobo up and they stand together in the ring, triumphant.

Sara tries to call Ava again but Ava is hurt by Sara going directly against her orders so she hangs up on Sara, just like Sara did to her earlier, but this time it’s way less funny.

The way she said, “Don’t hang up…on me” felt like she really was saying, “Don’t GIVE up on me” and it HURT.

Back at the Time Bureau, Nate confronts his father about the deleted footage, telling him that he trusts Hank has good intentions, but Nate wants to be in the room where it happens. But as soon as Hank is out of earshot, he tells Zari to find out what else Hank has been up to behind closed doors.

After the fight is over, and they’re heading back to the campsite in the woods, Mick tells Mona that the characters in Rebecca Silver’s story didn’t belong together after all, not the way she thinks they did. That sometimes when people are too different, they belong in their own worlds, no matter how much they love each other. He gives her a time courier and hopes she does the right thing.

And speaking of people who are different but love each other, Sara goes to Ava’s office bearing snickerdoodles in apology. Sara Lance, trained assassin, bearer of the Death Totem, brought her girlfriend snickerdoodles “I called Kara for advice and she suggested sugary sweets as a means of a white flag.”

Sara apologizes, but Ava is still hurt. Ava goes to bat for the Legends day in and day out, putting this job she loves on the line for Sara and her team time and time again. And Ava needed Sara’s support on this one thing, and Sara did her own thing anyway.

CAN WE GO BACK TO THE DANCING

Sara says she was just trying to do the right thing, since Hank has been torturing creatures. And Ava says, “Who cares?” And that’s when Sara realizes what she thought was a tear in the wallpaper is actually a crack in a load-bearing wall.

I feel like her eyebrows went to a whole new level of “wtf” for this one.

As Ava goes on to say Sara and her team sent a few creatures to hell, if Hank is studying creatures to try to learn how to better contain and control them so be it. Ava doesn’t understand why Sara would choose to save some half-feral beast over her; because that’s what it felt like to her. Ava says her job isn’t to protect magical creatures, it’s to protect human history.

Sara knows now that snickerdoodles won’t fix this.

Ava feels betrayed and Sara says Ava didn’t have her back either, but they’re at an impasse. Ava can’t see a way through this, and she’s hurt, so she says, “I’m done.” Knowing she’s serious, knowing this isn’t something she can fix right now, Sara leaves. And as soon as Sara is out of sight, Ava cries.

“And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time. I want what’s yours and I want what’s mine.
I want you, but I’m not giving in this time.”

I loved this scene because it felt genuine and true to their characters; they are two women in powerful positions who love their job and are forced to make tough calls all the time. And today they both did what they think was the right thing to do, and they just happened to fall on opposite sides of the wall. They didn’t yell at each other, no one threw shoes or insults, there was no dramatic door slamming or insecurity stabbing. There was just a tired and broken, “I’m done.” And a defeated and silent exit.

One of the reasons I am not writing an all-caps sob-fest is because I trust the writers on this one. Avalance has been the main romantic arc for a long time now, and they’ve come too far for this to be the end. Every relationship has its angst, especially when you work together, especially when there’s time travel involved. I believe this is an obstacle they can overcome in time. Also, one thing I love about this show (and it’s a thing I say about Wynonna Earp all the time, and it’s true about Runaways, too) is that Sara and Ava are two whole separate characters with their own storylines outside each other. Ava isn’t just Sara’s girlfriend – she was there long before Sara finally just admitted she liked the Time Agent. So even if they stay broken up for a few episodes, Ava isn’t going anywhere. And I think that even now, with as much amazing representation as we have, that isn’t a given.

Back in the woods of Mexico City, Mona opens a portal to Konane’s home of ancient Hawaii, and is ready to go make a life with him there, but then she hears Mick’s voice in the back of her mind. She looks at Konane and tells him she can’t go with him. But before she can convince him to go on without her, a Man in Black appears and shoots the Kaupe dead. Mona screams and then…wolfs out.

I…did not see that coming.

She crushes the agent’s gun and rips him to shreds.

Mick finds her a few minutes later, back to her regular form but bloody, her clothes torn and dirty, leaning over Konane’s dead body. She looks up at him and says, “You were right, there’s no such thing as happily ever after.”

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