Every year, the same thing: Five hundred thousand new Hallmark Christmas movies and none of them about lesbians or bisexuals! Only this year when I was scrolling through the list of new holiday classics, combing for clues of any women who might get their faces near one another on a train to the North Pole or something, I noticed that half the plots of these made-for-TV Christmas movies are just queer lady fan fictions or films I’ve seen or read. And so below I have compiled a list of ten of those Hallmark-y holiday movies and pointed you to the place where you can read/watch that same story, but gay.
No Sleep ‘Til Christmas (Freeform)
The plot: Two insomniac strangers discover they can only sleep soundly when the other one is around.
Where you’ve seen it before: Literally every queer woman TV couple on earth has been written into this fan fiction! Clarke can’t sleep without Lexa. Tara can’t sleep without Willow. Ruby can’t sleep without Sapphire. Sara can’t sleep without Ava. Glimmer can’t sleep without Adora.
Mingle All the Way (Hallmark)
The plot: A dating app pairs up two very busy professionals who’ve had a couple of disastrous meetings in the past.
Where you’ve seen it before: Lena Luthor meets Kara Danvers on a dating app called Hearts & Minds and she’s very grumpy about the whole thing and Kara is very good at hugs.
Christmas Made to Order (Hallmark)
The plot: A person in a relationship falls in love with the woman he hired to coordinate his giant Christmas party.
Where you’ve seen it before:
A Gingerbread Romance (Hallmark)
The plot: Two very lovely people fall for each other while crafting pies and cakes and tartlets.
Where you’ve seen it before: Regina and Maleficent in the kitchen. Asami teaching Korra how to pipe icing. And now Korrasami are baking cupcakes. Laura and Carmilla at 3am in their dorm’s communal kitchen. And now they’re baking for Christmas. Peridot bakes (adorably and badly) for Amethyst. Emma and Regina making cookies.
Christmas Wonderland (Hallmark)
The plot: A very talented painter can’t decide whether or not to wreck her life for a person she had a meet-cute with on accident.
Where you’ve seen it before: Naomi and Emily in “Coin Laundry,” literally the best fan fiction ever written.
Northern Lights of Christmas (Hallmark)
The plot: An aspiring pilot inherits a reindeer farm and falls in love with her reindeer farm employee.
Where you’ve seen it before: You haven’t, exactly, but I bet if you pair this Bering and Wells (pilot and flight attendant) fic with this other fic called “Reindeer Games” where Stephanie Brown gets stuck in the chimney trying to get Cassandra Cain to believe in Santa Claus you’ll get an even better result.
Small Town Christmas (Hallmark)
The plot: A successful novelist returns to the hometown that she based her stories on and discovers she’s still kind of in love with her childhood sweetheart.
Where you’ve seen it before:
(Please enjoy Anne Shirley and Diana Berry making the yuletide oh so very gay.)
Christmas Bells Are Ringing (Hallmark)
The plot: A photographer takes a bunch of pictures of her friend and whoops she’s in love now.
Where you’ve seen it before: Toni snapping pics of Cheryl. Quinn photographing Rachel. Emma shooting portraits of Regina.
Santa’s Boots (Hallmark)
The plot: A woman working in a department store falls in love with Santa. He leaves his boots behind and she scoops them up, determined to return them to him.
Where you’ve seen this before:
The Princess Switch (Netflix)
The plot: Vanessa Hudgens is a princess who switches.
Where you’ve seen it before:
https://twitter.com/kateleth/status/1063265797903081472
Them: Are you a bottom or a top?
Me: pic.twitter.com/UC5hMZd40v— Kris ❄️ tis the season ❄️ Russo (@kristinnoeline) November 21, 2018
I can’t believe Heather Hogan just saved Christmas
I can.
Welp, calling in “have to read all the Anne Shirley/Diana Barry fanfic right now” to work.
I love this!
They’re not the main characters or anything but Lifetime’s Christmas Around The Corner has a pastor who has a husband and a freakin’ adorable baby girl. It’s a bi-racial relationship and they even had a conversation about what it was like “two dads and a baby” living in a small town. I was pleasantly surprised by this secondary story line but happy for the inclusivity. It’s a step in the right direction and hopefully in the future we might just get our wish for Christmas themed movies from Hallmark and Lifetime with queer characters front and center.
In the meantime, thanks for all the fanfict recommendations!
Love a good hallmark movie. My trick to avoid the heteropatriarchy to just imagine that one or both of the characters is trans!
I for one am so happy to see an abundance of Regina Mills included in this list. This is so good!
There’s also Regina can’t sleep without Emma
Loving this as I have been shouting “Make it gay you cowards!” to nearly every Hallmark movie watched so far this year. My favorite should-have-been-gay so far is: “The Nine Lives of Christmas” wherein cats are the main plot agent bringing two people together and then the cats themselves also become a couple.
I need to watch this movie!
Have you seen Kate Leth’s “make it gay you cowards” pin? She made it with the Fantastic Beasts franchise and Dumbledore in mind. But honestly, what a constant mood!!!
https://topatoco.com/collections/kate-leth/products/kod-pins-ultimate
Why ruin good TV. If you want gay shows, start a gay network and leave everyone else alone.
Christmas Made to Order also sounds like the first season of the original Mistresses
thank you for releasing a fic rec post on tumblr boycott day!
Heather just doing the lords work as always.
That’s a Christmas to me!
this is the kind of quality content i come here for. this is a good list.
A present? For me? But it’s not even Christmas yet :)
I beg to differ, Ms. Hogan, the best fanfic every written is “The Worst Story on Wattpad.”
In all seriousness, my favorite is the Brittana fic “Influence.” I imagine I’ll change my mind once I’ve had a chance to read “Coin Laundry.”
“Influence” was the first long Glee fic I ever read and my heart still hurts a little whenever someone mentions it. So good.
My favorite now though is “Eyes Closed to Fingers Crossed” by thememoriesfire. Hands down the best fanfic ever written.
Well, I know what I’m reading over Christmas! Thanks for the recommendation.
I haven’t read a lot of Glee fics, but I keep thinking about one from several years ago called ‘Heartwood’ (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9385964/1/Heartwood). IIRC, there’s even some cute Christmas stuff in there since it takes place over a year or two.
I have had enough of the fake holiday heteronormative movies on lifetime and hallmark. I try to watch really I do but They make me just want to barf.
Idk but the wanting and sexual tension feels all wrong and forced.
It’s always the same plot over and over.
I’m sorry but they’re just gross
A few of my coworkers (straight cis women mostly in their 20s) are obsessed with them and I’m constantly just like WHY? Thankfully I also have an ally who does not understand the appeal of these movies and will makes faces back at me whenever the other women talk about them.