Issue 12
Issue 12
Bad Behavior
Bad Behavior is a two-month deep dive into LGBTQ+ women and non-binary people’s experiences of defiance and/or deviance, of yearning for connection while stuck on the fringes, of the secrets we hold close to our chest, hearts beating still, nervous or maybe even eager for the next chapter.
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Riese
Curator
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lnj
Curator
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Rachel Kincaid
Editor
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Yvonne Editor
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Heather Hogan
Editor
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Sarah Sarwar
Art Director
Bad Behavior: Letter From Your Editor
Welcome to “Bad Behavior,” a two-month series about the ways in which we are not good queers, at least not most of the time.
Jesus Would Have Found the Whole Thing Comical
“We took off on our bikes with the intention of shoplifting all the proper ingredients to make homely ham sandwiches.”
A+ Roundtable: What’s Your Relationship Kryptonite?
What types of relationship situations or people are you often drawn to even though you know they’re bad for you and will destroy you?
I Used to Break Into Houses
“I craved that isolation, that feeling of utter aching loneliness that I found inside houses where I did not belong.”
Monday Roundtable: Our Childhood Disobedience, Revisited
“I like to think I’ve put my talking-back skills to great use as an adult who enjoys proving points and getting the last word and being right.”
Stewing
“I still learned how to make bad things last, make my words sweet when my heart was sour, make anything a weapon, even food.”
13 Ways to Be a Good Woman, According to the Bible
“I derailed Bible study tonight and Pastor Daniel ended up delivering a lecture about the danger of Britney Spears; specifically, Crossroads. He said she’s scandalous.”
Still Reeling That I’ve Made It
“No one knows, including me, that my overindulgence and competitive drinking is an attempt to assert the only masculinity I know. Toxic.”
A+ Roundtable: Vice Squad
“Life is hard enough, let me have this.”
What a Time to Fail!
“I want to cry but I work in events, and I can’t go home until 8pm. Instead I spend the afternoon wondering how much it would hurt if I bit off my finger.”
Alewives: The Women Who Crafted Beer and Split Hell Wide Open
For centuries, the art of brewing beer belonged to women alone. This is the story of how the church pushed them out the industry they founded and sent them riding piggy-back on demons into the flames of an eternal abyss.
She Never Liked Me Anyway
Dementia used to be called madness, I was told.
TV Team Roundtable: Our Favorite Lesbian and Bisexual Girls Behaving Badly
“My armor was a smile, Santana’s was an insult. And bless her for it.”
Ask an Adult Lesbian: Get Your Shit Together, Shane
Shane McCutcheon self-sabotages, Emily Fields co-depends, Cheryl Blossom is scared to commit — and a team of real live functional adult queer women are here to help.
Monday Roundtable: Hey Bad Spender
“I think I’m willing to do this because I’m constantly aware that death awaits us all and I’m more inclined to want to heighten an experience if I can.”
Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be (Lesbian) Cowboys
“I wanted her to smile at me that way. I wanted her to say my name. This turned out to be easy.”
Take Me Home
“She asks me how it went, I say it went bad. I don’t say much more because she hates hearing about my family like they hate hearing about her. It goes better when I keep it to myself.”
A+ Roundtable: If I Could Take It All Back
“I never went into it planning to be a monster, and I think that actually always made it worse.”
The Sociopath Who Loved Me Enough
“As soon as we met Tara and Tony, our lives morphed to make room for them. Instead of drinking Carol’s parents’ liquor on Friday nights, we went to their apartment in Hillcrest to smoke pot from a bong filled with Midori and play with Tara’s snake.”
Begging to Be Sterilized
“It seemed at the time to be exactly what life was about, and only just barely staying alive, curling up in corners of lonely, unclean rooms in shaking fits of sadness too raw to keep inside my head, screaming into my bent knees.”
Butch Slut
In the pool hall, my sweetheart and a close friend tease me one night: “unimpressive,” “pure luck,” “you aren’t that good.” They were trying to get my ire up so that an hour later when I told them to stare into each other’s eyes as I fucked my sweetheart’s body, I would mean it with a snarky competitive vengeance, I would mean it with power and control, I would be pushed to take what I want.
Monday Roundtable: Breaking Up and Fucking Up
Just some of the many ways we ruin our lives after a breakup.
Don Draper vs Jenny Schecter: The Sexist Battle of the TV Anti-Heroes
Even now, almost a decade after The L Word’s final season, with LGBTQ+ representation at unprecedented heights, we still hold Jenny Schecter up as our ultimate villain. Her name is a curse, a swear, a shortcut for derision. She is a model of bad behavior.
The Nothing Between Your Legs
“She’s a tomboy,” your mother says, frustrated. “I’m sure she’ll grow out of it when she gets interested in boys.” “More dolls,” repeats Mrs. Morris. They plan to doll this little problem out of you.
How to Behave at Boarding School
“Boarding school teaches self-possession repeatedly and thoroughly, because it teaches you how to be in control when you’ve made every effort to be out of it.”
A+ Roundtable: The Things We Did for the Money We Needed to Survive
Capitalism! So neat!
PHOTOESSAY: Going Nowhere
“It’s about breaking the rules just a little bit.”
Something Wild
“When her body shook I was filled with a fullness that almost made me cry. For me, in that moment, Dan wasn’t even in the room.”
Monday Roundtable: I’m Not Gonna Do It
It’s not gonna happen, buddy.
15 Ways to Stay Out of Trouble According to a 1950s Reverend-Doctor
Don’t be a frigid bitch, but don’t be so un-frigid that you murder your husband with sex.
I Don’t Want to Be Your Friend Anymore
I couldn’t deal with the love-hate whiplash anymore. I may have been patient, but I had my limits.
Evening Walks
“My brother would wander toward the TV to watch some movie, and I’d go straight for the computer and open two tabs. In one, YouTube. In the other, fanfiction.net, where I tweaked the character filters so I could read about Santana and Brittany falling in love for the thousandth time.”
A+ Roundtable: Forgiven but Not Forgotten
Forgiveness may be an attribute of the strong, but we also have the memory of an elephant.
How “Bad Girls” Made a Good Girl Gay
“The first time I left my mom in the county jail, the only person more surprised than her was me.”
I Am a Sex Idiot
I feel nothing and everything when I’m with her and I want that more than I want to protect myself. I know this will hurt me, but pain is part of my life, so I allow it in bursts I think I can control.
Why Did You Betray Your Own Heart, Cathy?
“Last week I found one of those butter-coloured strands on my dress, and wondered. Then I realised it was one of my own, greying hairs. Ten years have passed, and she’s straight now, living with the boyfriend I introduced her to nine and a half years ago.”
Lying’s the Most Fun a Girl Can Have
“I identified as a heterosexually-inclined bisexual when I started giving hand jobs for money, and I left more or less a lesbian. It wasn’t the only factor in that transformation, but boy was it a major one.”
