When it comes to astrology much is made of romantic compatibility, especially with sun signs. But humans are complex! As our queer forefather Walt Whitman, lover of Oscar Wilde, once said, we contain multitudes. And our charts contain multitudes! Your sun sign is only one part of you. When it comes to romantic and sexual partners, there are many other parts we should be paying attention to when it comes to overall energetic compatibility.

The moon, for example, governs your emotions, habits, and instincts. When it comes to relationships, this is important! Your moon is how you are emotional. It’s how you express your tender little queer heart!

In this new series, we are going to be talking about compatibility with planets that aren’t your sun. We’ll be focusing on the Moon (how you do emotions), Mercury (how you communicate), Venus (how you woo and like to be wooed), and Mars (sex drive). Starting with moon sign compatibility!

I’ve been studying astrology for several years, as well as doing the practical side of reading birth charts. Personally, astrology has helped me learn how to better understand parts of myself – and empathize with others – in ways I never thought possible. I think that it can explain a lot about people, but it rarely explains (or predicts) everything.

At the same time, as someone who left fundamentalist Christianity and who uses astrology and tarot as tools of self-empowerment, I feel a need to make a fucking gigantic disclaimer, which is this:

You are a person with agency who has free will and who ultimately has to take responsibility for your life and your choices. Your astrology provides you with information, but it in no way governs who you end up with.

Even as I write this, Tessa Thompson has come out publicly and said that she and Janelle Monae VIBRATE ON THE SAME FREQUENCY. swoon. And y’all, I’ve looked at their birth charts. They are not the kinds of charts that scream soulmates. They aren’t even the kinds of charts that scream, “oh, obviously these people would end up together.”

Let’s be real: two or more mature and well-adjusted people with good communication and boundaries and a shared commitment to mental and emotional wellness (whatever that looks like for you!) can make a go of a relationship! There are no rules! You literally make your energy work for yourselves as you go — you just have to understand who you are, how you work, and what you need. People like Janelle and Tessa prove that you in no way have to have “ideal” synastry (the term for astrological compatibility) to pop out of vulva pants and inspire queers the world over.

Of course, I also obviously think that understanding both your energy as well as that of your partner(s) and/or love interest(s) is rad and helpful. Astrology helps me live a more self-aware life on a daily basis, and I hope that in learning about your moon sign and moon sign compatibility, it can help you, too.

Great! Disclaimer over. Before we dive in, here’s a quick explanation of one component of these descriptions, which is the “compatibility” section (keep in mind: these are moon signs, not sun signs). This is mostly for fun, because as established, free-will. That said, here is what the sections mean:

Most Compatible – You work with emotions similarly, because you share the same element (fire, air, water, or earth). When it comes to communicating, empathizing with, and understanding each other’s feelings and motivations, you just “get” each other.
Meet Your Match – These folks work with emotions in a way that is different than you, elementally, but share similar emotional themes and goals in a way that makes you go yes. There will be some challenges, but with good communication, you can really learn and grow together.
Take a Risk – You are the relationship no one in your life saw coming. Y’all are wired very differently, but who’s to say that friction doesn’t make things hot as hell and super interesting? Everything is a growth opportunity!

Now! Let’s talk about your badass moon signs!

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Aries Moon

An Aries moon is intense, but holds a fierce independence. You want to be able to do your own thing (some might call you impulsive), but you’re still extremely dedicated to your causes, your relationships, your interests, to that which feeds you, to that which you love. You care a lot (like, a lot), and you want to do everything right now. Who’s coming along for the ride? You’ll do it if no one else will. Your life’s work? Really seeing things through for the long-haul.

What turns you on: Courage. People who are unafraid to wear their heart on their sleeve, who fearlessly do their own thing, who are unafraid to be the outsider, who are willing to take a risk for love. You’re attracted to independence – you’re an emotionally independent person, and you require similar qualities in the people (platonic and romantic) you surround yourself with. Ultimately, you need someone (or multiple someones) who can keep up – and who is cool splitting off to do their own thing.

What you want: Inspiration. To rent a car with someone and plan a road trip on the fly.

What you need: Your own space. Books like A Room of One’s Own were written for Aries moons. You move quickly and are decisive, but this doesn’t mean you want to U-Haul. Far from it.

Biggest Pet Peeve: Passivity. People who don’t care.

Aries Moon Compatibility

Most Compatible: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius
Meet Your Match: Gemini, Aquarius
Take A Risk: Virgo, Scorpio

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Taurus Moon

The most sensually grounded of the earth signs, Taurus moons express their emotions through their body & environment. A Taurus moon wants to nap it out, eat it out, fuck it out. But Taurus is also the stubborn bull that moves pretty slowly – you can’t rush this energy through anything. You Taurus folks process your emotions in your own time; you are the sign that sows seeds, that teaches us to grow, that most cherishes your own inner stability. You need to physically feel your way through something, processing it through the body, whether through physically working out, laughing, crying. Your life’s work is understanding how to let it all move through you in your own time.What turns you on: The slow burn.

What you want: The finer things – which doesn’t have to mean “expensive” or “luxury” (unless, of course, you want them to). Good food at hole in the wall restaurants. Unexpected, unique ambiance. Candlelight. Good smells that evoke a sweet place and time. Your sign is ruled by Venus, who elevates anything she touches.

What you need: To accept that you don’t need to match everyone else’s (fast) pace – your speed is just fine. Stop challenging yourself to be that spontaneous person and feeling guilty. You have so many gifts to offer. What you need, Taurus moon babes, is someone who matches and enjoys your pace – which is leisurely, luxurious, and downright sensuous.

Biggest Pet Peeve: Being rushed.

Taurus Moon Compatibility

Most Compatible: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn
Meet Your Match: Leo, Scorpio
Take A Risk: Aries, Sagittarius

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Gemini

You Gemini moons, children of Mercury, are charmed folk who can talk and flirt your way into anything and make the other person think it was their idea. Adaptable and curious, people have to work to keep your attention (you want to bestow it on everyone! There are so many people to talk to!). You process your feels by talking things out – but the real question at the end of the day is, what are you feeling? You can easily charm and distract with your wit, so making sure you are deeply grounding your language in your gut, in the mess of emotions and instincts, is your life’s work.

What turns you on: A quick wit and a dry charm. Facility with language, if you will.

What you want: Intellectual feeding. Someone who wants to learn from you. Someone you can learn from.

What you need: To learn to sit in the discomfort when you don’t have the words for what you’re feeling. It’s important to you to have people in your life – romantic partners and otherwise – who also have a love of language, who are willing to sit in that morass with you and talk it through. Hold onto those people, and let the rest go.

Biggest Pet Peeve: Being called flirtatious when you’re just expressing yourself. (Explicitly clarifying situations and intentions will help a lot here.)

Gemini Moon Compatibility

Most Compatible: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius
Meet Your Match: Virgo, Sagittarius
Take a risk: Taurus, Pisces

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Cancer

The moon is at home in Cancer. The moon feels deeply here. Shifts with the tides. Is strong. Emotional is too easy a word; we all have emotions, and the moon rules our emotions, always. It’s not that you are more emotional than other moon signs: it’s that your sign understands how to honor and protect and wield emotions in a profound way. Cancer is the crab; the hard shell, the soft underbelly. It’s not about being more or less, it’s about a deep knowledge, understanding, intuition. Cancer wants to be able to take off its shell, its burdens, and lay down with its love(s) in tenderness, in solidarity, in total union and familiarity. The bridge between the shell and the underbelly: this is your life’s work.

What turns you on: Hygge.

What you want: To nurture, nourish, and care for others, especially through the means available through a home: food (cooking, going out), cleaning, gardening, child and elder care. Care is your comfort zone, and you’re a homebody at heart. Given the right food, company, and comforts, you could easily not leave your house for days.

What you need: To understand what home is, for you. This may not be a physical place. This may not be certain people. How do you carry home within yourself?

Biggest Pet Peeve: A lack of gratitude and gentleness. People who don’t reciprocate the care you give to them.

Cancer Moon Compatibility

Most Compatible: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces
Meet Your Match: Virgo, Capricorn
Take a risk: Libra, Aquarius

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Leo

Leo is the lion, the ruler: the kings and queens of the zodiac. For Leo moons, your life’s work is learning to claim and own and occupy and revel in your space in that uniquely performative Leo way that ultimately gives permission to the people around you to revel in their own space. Leo energy inspires others to live their own best lives. And yes, you are fed and nurtured by appreciation. Yes, you’ve got a flare for the theatrical. What others sometimes read as stereotypical Leo arrogance can, in fact, be the manifestation of insecurity. Remember that you are worthy, that you deserve to own your own space, that you absolutely deserve to have people in your life who shower you with love and tenderness.

What turns you on: Unmitigated, unadulterated self-expression. Fearless creativity unfolding on a stage.

What you want: Playfulness. Leo moons have a light heart, and finding loyal mates who appreciate you and who can play just as hard as you? That’s the winning combo.

What you need: Opportunities to build your confidence. Venues that feel comfortable, where you can risk and fail splendidly, with supportive partners and community. What is going to help you build that self-expression that is so vital for your Leo energy, that is going to help you play with your inner performer?

Biggest Pet Peeve: Energy that seeks to shame and belittle that which is bold and inspiring.

Leo Moon Compatibility

Most Compatible: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius
Meet Your Match: Cancer, Aquarius
Take a risk: Scorpio, Pisces

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Virgo

Virgos are known for their love of organization, but at the heart of it is a desire to control their environment. When it comes to emotions with Virgo moons, this is challenging! You are an excellent social secretary for your friend group and family, the person everyone goes to for advice – but when was the last time you directed all that fixing energy inward? Your life’s work is turning that desire to understand, to organize, to control inward rather than outward. When you focus on cultivating a sense of self-awareness, sitting with discomfort, sitting in the mess of emotions, resisting the urge to sort them out right away, letting them take their time: there is extraordinary growth and harvest to be had.

What turns you on: Someone who has their shit together. In spite of your discomfort with emotional mess, the external pieces of your life usually run like a well-oiled machine. You’re organized AF. You cannot be the organizer of someone else’s life.

What you want: To be heard. To have someone else explicitly acknowledge and value the nitty-gritty in what you’re saying.

What you need: Folks who show up for you the way you show up for them. What does that look like? Being punctual, courteous, considerate, thoughtful. You are more pragmatic than showy, but the occasional romantic gesture goes a long way. With you, Virgo, it’s the little things.

Biggest Pet Peeve: People who have no follow-through.

Virgo Moon Compatibility

Most Compatible: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn
Meet Your Match: Gemini, Pisces
Take a risk: Aries, Leo

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Libra

Charming and diplomatic, Libra moons are the consummate lawyers of the emotional zodiac: able to see and argue all sides to an issue. While Libra is a partnership-oriented sign, always seeking harmony in relationships (romantic and platonic), you struggle with indecisiveness. Your head often wars with your heart, and you end up talking yourself out of the good stuff because you don’t trust it. But why don’t you trust your gut, babe? The tarot card for Libra is Justice, represented by the scales. You can think of the scales as the head and the heart, and a Libra moon is never not weighing the two. Here’s the god’s honest truth: you know how to listen to your head – maybe a little too much. Your life’s work is learning to let your heart weigh in.

What turns you on: A challenge – which is to say, someone who doesn’t just keep up with you, but pushes you, debates you – and, of course, does all of this while respecting your boundaries and actually listening to what you’re saying.

What you want: Someone who is so intoxicating that your inner critic can’t help but shut up.

What you need: To learn how to trust your gut and get out of your own head when it comes to your feelings. You can be so dedicated to keeping the peace that you overlook your gut and the things that you really want in the interest of the greater good.

Biggest Pet Peeve: People who disrespect you, or the people and beliefs you value.

Libra Moon Compatibility

Most Compatible: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius
Meet Your Match: Aries, Capricorn
Take a risk: Taurus, Cancer

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Scorpio

Scorpio moons are deep emotional wells. Scorpio revels in the transformative, in those liminal moments between life and death, between foreplay and sex and orgasm, between society and the abject. Scorpio is comfortable in the dark, in decay. So when it comes to the moon – to the emotional realm – well. Scorpio moons are comfortable with your own company. Secretive isn’t quite the right word; you have strong boundaries – fortress-like walls, if you will – and you drop the drawbridge for very few. Scorpio moons are intense, and the intensity isn’t for everyone. You’re like black licorice; you’re an acquired taste (and you like that). But for those who can run with you, who share your desire to know – really know – the depths and mysteries, the nooks and crannies of what makes this world (and you) work. Well. There is the promise of a lot of passion, a lot of heat, a lot of understanding. And understanding: that’s your life’s work.

What turns you on: The unknown. You’re game for anything that promises to get you closer to the veils of the beyond.

What you want: Someone you can’t scare off.

What you need: To not be rushed. You move at your own pace. You’ve got strong boundaries, and you aren’t going to share anything with anyone that you aren’t comfortable sharing. Some parts of you are just for you, and anyone who doesn’t get that can show themselves out.

Biggest Pet Peeve: People pushing your boundaries.

Scorpio Moon Compatibility

Most Compatible: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces
Meet Your Match: Taurus, Capricorn
Take a risk: Gemini, Leo

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Sagittarius

Sagittarius moons are explorers at heart. Your heart is fed by meeting new people, in learning from new cultures (in non-appropriative ways!), in being footloose and fancy-free. Like your fellow fire folk, Aries moons, you enjoy your freedom, but you aren’t nearly as intense – you trust that things will work themselves out. This is what you teach others how to do: to live in the moment, to find joie de vivre in their current situation. But your life’s work, Sagittarius, is in establishing boundaries for yourself within this footloose lifestyle. Structure doesn’t have to mean conservative boredom; the right kinds of structure can help you thrive, and can help bring people into your life who don’t feed off your vibrant energy but rather, who themselves are centered and add to your joy.

What turns you on: Someone who helps you expand your mind. Who introduces you to new concepts. Who pushes you in new directions without trying to pin you down – and who isn’t an emotional vampire.

What you want: A one-way ticket to anywhere.

What you need: To be trusted by your person. You have a strong inner compass, and even though you crave freedom to roam, you require people who get that your magnetic, life of the party, flirtatious energy doesn’t actually threaten your relationship. You don’t need labels or boxes, and you do best when you feel trusted.

Biggest Pet Peeve: Cages of any kind.

Sagittarius Moon Compatibility

Most Compatible: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius
Meet Your Match: Gemini, Aquarius
Take a risk: Libra, Capricorn

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Capricorn

You’re an unapologetic boss with a bitch face that never rests. But here’s the thing: it’s not that you’re not emotional – and in fact, you may be like, “why do all of these astrology websites say I’m cold and unemotional? I’m totally emotional.” But you are an expert at locking that shit up. You know that line from Frozen, “Conceal, don’t feel?” Capricorn moon, right there. You want to be in charge of how you present to the world. And how you present which emotions to the world, and when. Scheduling emotional shit into your calendar? Sounds like something you do. Vulnerability is your life’s work, and not just with other people, but with yourself. What is your own personal awareness of your emotions like? Can you locate your feelings in your body at any given time? It might be time to break out that journal and start getting in touch with the connection between your body and your emotions.

What turns you on: Safety – which is to say, someone you feel safe with and seen by.

What you want: To be able to trust someone else enough that you don’t always have to be in charge, planning every date and making every move.

What you need: Consistency – whatever that looks like to you. For example, if you’re a texter and crave responsiveness, that’s vital. You are reliable and consistent – the person everyone in your life goes to when they’re in trouble. You need someone who you can count on to be there for you, whether it’s picking up groceries for dinner or something a lot more serious.

Biggest Pet Peeve: Unreliable fuckbois who ghost.

Capricorn Moon Compatibility

Most Compatible: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn
Meet Your Match: Cancer, Libra
Take a risk: Sagittarius, Pisces

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Aquarius

Aquarius moons are probably one of the most fearless moons of the zodiac, which is to say, you could legitimately give two fucks what anyone thinks. When you’re done with a person or a situation or a job, you’re fucking done. You’ve got airtight boundaries. Here’s the thing about Aquarius moons: you’ve got a strong internal compass, and you just know what you want. You’ve fought like hell to figure out who you are, and you aren’t going to settle for a less-than life, which also means the people you surround yourself with. Your life’s work? Understanding how to accept the situations that are within your control, and the situations that aren’t. (Just because a situation is out of your control doesn’t mean you have to go for the nuclear option.)

What turns you on: A sense of purpose, or calling, or vocation. Aquarians are often called the humanitarians of the zodiac, and folks with Aquarius moons feel strongly about being emotionally connected to a community.

What you want: Independence. Many folks in astrology take the easy road and say that your independent streak makes you more open to polyamory and open relationships. That’s too easy a stereotype. Folks with strong Aquarian energy require the freedom to build their own kind of system, no matter their relationship orientation. You need freedom within whatever relationship system you are building with your partner(s), who themselves have to be thoughtful and considerate and open-minded people.

What you need: The time and space to set your own boundaries.

Biggest Pet Peeve: Clinginess. Any energy that wants to contain you.

Aquarius Moon Compatibility

Most Compatible: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius
Meet Your Match: Aries, Sagittarius
Take a risk: Cancer, Capricorn

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Pisces

Sensitivity is strength. Pisces moons know this better than most; you feel more deeply and are more psychically in tune with this world than others are capable of grasping. Your capacity for empathy is inspirational to those around you, but you also pick up on everything in your environment like whoa. Your life’s work? Developing boundaries. Not feeling everything going around you, everything people put on you. It is not your responsibility, alone, to take on the cares of the world, or even the cares of those closest to you. Learning to filter out, and feel through, the various layers is a difficult road, but one that leads to deep and fulfilling relationships that build you up.

What turns you on: “How do you feel about that?”

What you want: Big, romantic gestures. Everyone loves to be appreciated, but you, more than most, appreciate the grand gesture, the one that is specifically attuned to your interests, the one that is over the top. The one that, let’s be honest, makes you cry.

What you need: Tenderness. Friends and lovers who are real with you and who understand you, and who, for this reason, can challenge you and push you while cherishing you. Who know how to be tough and tender at the same time.

Biggest Pet Peeve: People who view feelings, empathy, and sensitivity as “less than.” Fucking heteronormative patriarchy.

Pisces Moon Compatibility

Most Compatible: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces
Meet Your Match: Taurus, Virgo
Take a risk: Gemini, Aquarius

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Here’s How to Do Moon Sign Compatibility Yourself!

There are many places you can go, but to do your own chart, go to astro.com. To get the most accurate chart, you need your exact time of birth in addition to your date and place of birth; however, you can still do a chart without a time of birth.

If you’re an app person, I would recommend Time Passages, which provides an incredibly detailed breakdown breakdown of your chart with daily horoscopes as well as your transits and progressions (this will make sense to the more advanced astrology folk among you). It also gives you the opportunity to save other people’s charts

If you’re interested in starting to research and learn more so that you can interpret your chart for yourself, start with The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need (which is not, in fact, the only book you’ll ever need, but is a great starting point). There’s also a wealth of excellent free content by queer practitioners on the internet, like Chani Nicholas’ horoscopes and courses as well as the queer-centric astrology content at Beth Maiden’s Little Red Tarot. Go forth and learn!