The BJ Dildo, sent to us by Good Vibrations, is a hollow dildo explicitly designed for queer blow jobs. It’s handmade from platinum silicone with a soft powder finish; comes in three flesh tones as well as turquoise and flat black; and costs $80. It’s meant to be great for gender play, and great for anyone who wants their strap-on cock sucked.

The BJ Dildo; image from creator FormFunction

It kinda blows.

Obviously beauty is in the eye of the beholder, or something, and good sex is a continuum and a journey and a shared physical and psychological experience that changes according to the day, the mood, the people, the weather, the temperature, the lube, whether or not you remembered to charge the vibrators and a million other factors. I don’t think anyone is “good” or “bad” at sex, just maybe good or bad having sex with the people in front of them.

That said. I have given some strap-on blow jobs. I love them. I’m enthusiastic about them. I’m great at them. And sucking the BJ Dildo was uniquely unsatisfying. With a 1.75 diameter at the widest point, it was too big to fit easily in my mouth. I don’t especially enjoy things that fit easily in my mouth, so with a solid strap-on size is a fun challenge. A solid strap-on also doesn’t collapse in on itself. I couldn’t choke on it in any of the right ways, because it started to fold over. It happened when I tried to give a more performative blowjob. It happened in straight face-fucking without trying to suck on the tip or really do anything but keep my mouth open and maintain just enough eye contact. It especially happened when I instinctively tried to grip the shaft to press it harder against the wearer, something that’s fun to do in solid strap-on blow jobs when there’s a base available to press.

The design of the dildo — hollow, funnel-like as it meets a base that flattens out, and a slit in the tip to suck on — is also perplexing. I could sort of nibble and suck on the tip, but when more of the dildo was down my throat it was hard to feel where the suction was supposed to come from. (Also, because the dildo is hollow with a direct line between mouth and genitals, make sure you and your partner are on the same page about safer sex, STI testing and sexual health.)

My co-tester and I tried it both with and without a harness. With a harness — specifically a brief-style SpareParts Tomboi — the fabric that slips over the base of a regular dildo also slipped over the base of the BJ Dildo, which meant it never really had an opportunity to lay flush on the wearer, even with adjustments. The suction was weak, the sensation unremarkable. And the problem of the dildo collapsing in on itself was far, far worse during our brief attempts at vaginal penetration.

Used without a harness, the base created the opposite problem — though it wasn’t malleable enough to mold to the wearer’s body, the direct suction sensation over the wearer’s clit was far too intense for them. Suction toys are in right now; the Womanizer, the Satisfyer, the Sona and others all slip over a clit and suck, vibrate, or use sonic waves. If you’re into those toys, or just really like your clit getting sucked, the way the BJ Dildo feels might be for you.

In its current for, the BJ Dildo is great if you want intense suction or the idea and aesthetic of a strap-on blow job more than the reality. Personally, I absolutely wanted to love the BJ Dildo, and even though I didn’t, I can’t quite bring myself to give it away either. I would love to see a version of it that’s a little more stable and substantial.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!