The Comment Awards are Ken of Center

width=

Hi there, Barbies, Kens, Skippers and Scouts! How’s your week going? Do you have a sudden desire to purchase secondhand dolls and stuffed animals and style them into queer-identified characters to sell on Etsy and at camp? No? Just me? Because I think an American Girl doll with short purple hair, double denim and an A-Camp tote of her very own would be pretty amazing.

This week, Mallory Ortberg simultaneously broke and healed all of our hearts with her Instagram.

Nora wants to give you a free haircut!

Rachel wrote about the protests and parties of Pride, and how natural their coexistence really is.

Tag yourself, I’m Barbie Dreamhouse Ken.

Here’s a gallery of warm-weather clothing in which YOU ALL LOOK SO GREAT. So great! Really great. Just perfect.

Need an excuse to make some caulk jokes? Also, there are boxer briefs. And DIY.

Erin brought us theories of the Lesbian Toaster. I’m still unclear as to whether it’s a toaster or a toaster oven, which is inherently superior as a cooking instrument, because you can make mini pizzas in it. I vote for toaster ovens.

Siobhan brought us this post about how Hatshepsut is the original Mommi. If Siobhan was a community college professor I would take all of her classes semester after semester until they kicked me out.

This is not a drill: the Steven Universe Soundtrack is out, and Mey wrote about it! Heart-eyes emoji for everything about this.

And then there were your comments!

On Did I Ever Look Straight Once In My Life?

The Kayla D Lang Award to Sally:

But where are the real photos? These ones are obviously all tour shots from your life as a pre-teen KD Lang tribute act.

On NEW MERCH ALERT: Enamel Pins for Introverts, Weirdos, Lesbians, Queerdos, Poly People and More!

The Dare to Dream Award to Rachel W.:

the indoorsy pin is so cute I wish I was indoorsy.

On The Babadook or Cuca: More Internet Haikus:

The Lady Limerick Award to Kristana:

I’m not good at haikus, so here’s a lymric. I’m here for this gay babadook, The thought has left me quite shook, A gay horror icon, That has me leave the lights on, Please don’t leave me forsook

The And Also With You Award to Allison, Carmen SanDiego, and Chandra:

Erin forever and ever amen.

On No Filter: Why Didn’t Anybody Tell Me Mallory Ortberg Had Instagram?!?!?

The Sun Award to Chloe:

I too am a bra less celebrity (to my mum) Too rude!

The I Bet She Gets That A Lot Award to Linnea:

HahskdjsydthxbznsjMALLORYYYYY

On 75 Lesbian Ken Dolls, Ranked By Lesbianism:

The Ken of Center Award to Chandra:

The Barbie spectrum

The Welcome, Friend Award to Levi:

I made an account JUST so I could comment on this, because, I love it so very much. (Also hi.) Dr. Ken is my dream woman, Cool Lookin’ Ken is how my cute trans boyfriend dresses and I find this very endearing.

And finally, the Dear Jane Letter Award to Rous Rose:

Dear Barbie, I am not sure if you visit Autostraddle.com, but the more I think about it, the more I start to believe that you most probably do. I would like to take the opportunity to apologise for consistently altering your appearance when I was a foetal gay. You see, up until this point, I was not aware Ken is, in fact, a woman. I thought she was just your average cis-het bloke doll – a plastic manifestation of heteronormativity and Patriarchal propaganda – and, needing to express my inner queerness even before I could find the words to describe it, I pinned an entire spectrum of gender expression onto you. I attacked your hair and clothes with scissors (another indicator of my lesbianism, perhaps) and made you into a Stone Butch one day, a High Femme the next (though trying to glue the severed locks back onto your scalp never quite had the desired effect). It must have been hella confusing to have to act out all the parts of me I wanted to see represented, and have your own identity (whatever that is; you do you, boo) be overridden. I am very, very sorry for that. Not that it is much use to you now, but had I known about Ken’s fabulous true self, I suspect none of this would have happened. Wherever it is that you went after I sold my collection of your spiky-haired selves on a flea market in 2006, I hope you are doing well. Sincerely, Rous P.S. My apologies also for tying a rope around your ankle and dragging you behind a boat for six hours.

See a funny or amazing comment that needs to be here? E-mail me at queergirlblogs [at] gmail [dot] com!

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!
Related:

Darcy

Darcy, a.k.a. Queer Girl, is your number one fan. They're a fat feminist from California who doodles hearts in the corners of their Gay Agenda. They're living through a pandemic, they're on Twitter, and they think you should drink more water! They also wanna make you laugh.

Darcy has written 376 articles for us.

27 Comments

  1. If I were a community college professor I would sneak you in the back after they kicked you out so you could keep attending

  3. The lesbian Ken doll comment thread was so much fun! And my two favorite comments won the awards (woo hoo!).

  6. “And Also With You” is my reflex answer to “May the force be with you”

  7. 1 part of me is like What the Fuck is this Babalook that everyone keeps talking about ad the other part is like don’t open that can of worms, don;t go down that rabbit hole.

Comments are closed.