Feature image of Arabelle Raphael and Daisy Ducati in Crash Pad episode 196. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are courtesy of the Crash Pad Series. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.
Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
+ Dating is weird. At Broadly, Nichi Hodgson, author of The Curious History of Dating, discusses the history of dating, including how it’s changed for queers:
“Legally, it’s been difficult to date but people have always found ways to meet. In the 1850s, drag balls in London were quite a common thing. Then in the 20s, after the First World War, all these young working and lower middle class women moved into cities to get jobs. They lived in digs and started getting it on with each other. It allowed them this freedom; they had money of their own, they could go out for dinner. They took loads of cocaine, they danced to jazz all night.
If you were a gay male, you were under the death penalty until the Victorian age, and then it was still imprisonment. That law wasn’t repealed until 1967. If you were a lesbian, you just weren’t legally recognized. In the 1920s, the government thought about writing lesbians into the law, prohibiting their sexual behaviour, but they decided not to, in case it gave other women ideas.”
Chocolate Chip and Eros LaFemme in Crash Pad Series episode 219
+ “There are a number of changes that trans women encounter as a result of transitioning — and a lot of those changes include totally different experiences with sex and sexuality,” writes Alex Verman at the Establishment on transitioning and sex, in conversation with four transwomen friends:
“Since transitioning, M Samira has become more choosy when selecting partners, and more conscious of partners’ perceptions. While hesitant to attribute those changes entirely to HRT, transitioning has helped provide clarity on what to look for during sex. ‘Different parts of my body react differently now to things I would’ve never expected a year ago,’ M Samira said. ‘So much so that it’s made me way more eager to be vocal about the things I want from sex.'”
Freya French and Johnny Starlight in Crash Pad Series episode 221
+ Women are paying more for sexual experiences and services.
+ Stop banning sex workers from giving blood.
+ Soon you’ll be able to use tinder on your desktop.
+ Being a girl holding her girlfriend’s hand in public is getting scarier.
+ “I decided to do a study of my own, to find out if anyone even likes threesomes anymore. As I set out to do my reporting, one of my colleagues told me that a psychic once told her never to have a threesome again until she dies, which helped to establish a nice tone for this article,” writes Diana Tourjee at Broadly before concluding that threesomes are boring and evil. Let’s argue about this in the comments!
+ Los Angeles! The Pleasure Chest is hosting a Dyke Day LA fundraiser 9 April 5–8 pm.
+ You probably do have a type.
Cinnamon Maxxine’s Solo in Crash Pad Series episode 184
+ “I want people to know that they are worthy of love exactly as they are. There’s nothing that they have to change about themselves to be worthy of love. I focus on issues that important to me but ultimately what I want to do is heal,” says Bevin Branlandingham, the force behind Fat Sex Week XXL and Queer Fat Femme. In an interview, she also says:
“[F]at sex is different because different positions work better. For example, if you’re two people in a fat relationship and you both have vulvas and you both want penetration, you’re going to need a different size toy to do a double penetration situation between the two of you than you’d need for two thin people trying to accomplish the same thing. You just need more length. So there are just differences that are necessary but the approach to having good quality fat sex is the same as the approach to having any good quality sex: being open to adapting and creating in the way that creates the most pleasure for everyone involved.”
Leigh Raven and Nikki Hearts in Crash Pad Series episode 217
+ If you believe that a satisfying sex life takes work you are right, and also you are having much better sex than people who believe in sexual soulmates:
“‘To put it bluntly,’ [University of Toronto researcher Jessica Maxwell] says, ‘if you want to believe in the idea of sexual soulmates, you should also be open to believing that even with a soulmate, sex can take work (i.e., at least believe in both sexual destiny and sexual growth). If not, we know that most couples face sexual disagreements/conflicts over time, so believing these problems are signs that your relationship wasn’t meant to be, is going to make it hard to stay satisfied in most long-term sexual relationships.'”
Brooklyn Flaco and Golden Curlz (pictured) in Crash Pad episode 190
I love threesomes, 6 hands are better than 4 sometimes ?
The trick I found to enjoyable and satisfying ménage à trois is this one rule; make sure to share equally with every body in the pile. Threesomes break down when one of the group focuses too much time and talents with one other member which inevitably leaves someone feeling left out ruining the experience for all.
Those pictures this week… ?
Threesomes are just vanilla to me. Maybe it’s a poly thing? I suppose if it’s just a fantasy for some people I could see why it fizzles. For me, it’s an incredible experience with two people I love, where everyone is focused on each other’s joy and feelings.
Fuck homophobes. Only not literally cos they’re not worth it. Fuck the ppl they don’t want you to fuck who want you/you want instead.
That trans women article made me sad. Ladies stop wherever you feel comfortable. You do you. But I don’t like the sort of pressure to be perfect one of the women interviewed spoke of.
Talking of pressure, I really don’t like that ‘you have a type’ and ‘look at your exes’ conjures opposite images in my head. From now on I’ll be aware any touch can be arousing for me and only date ppl I’m actually attracted to and actually like not just pushy guys.
I’m quite confused by lgbt history cos different places tell me different things. I need to do more research into it. I guess ‘pre Victorian’ covers a long time span and ‘gay’ covers a lot of different people/behaviours. But didn’t Shakespeare openly write to the young man he loved and Wilde detail how different things were in Shakespeare’s day compared to Wildes own? I wish queer studies was free so I could do a whole course on it.
The Dyke Day LA Fundraiser link isn’t working
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But if sex is just two people than who’s in position to hold the Hitachi Magic Wand?!?
I have a Windows 10 laptop, and have been using with 6tin(thrid party tinder app) for a while now. It doesn’t have the group dating area, but it does allow me to undo people I swiped left on by mistake and I can choose my location if I wanted to without being a premium member. It also tells me if I user removed me. It’s pretty solid it app overall. I’d probably choose it over the webiste version they want to offer.
That hand-holding article gave me all the feels though :(
Most of the threesomes I have had have been fun and enjoyable.
Only one has been weird, and that’s because I just didn’t know how to say no…like, I wasn’t miserable doing it but I wasn’t super into it, so it became boring and uncomfortable for me.
But all the others were super hot.