Friday Open Thread: Let’s Hold Space

I am all out of pith, my loves. I don’t have any clever words or charming insights. I have grief that comes in waves.

The thing is happening, but I don’t want to talk about him. I will, of course, but I will try to do so as little as possible. I would rather talk about the queer and trans people, the Black women, the water protectors and the multitude of other people who will be fighting every day for our collective liberation in the face of a yet-to-become-imaginable struggle. I would rather talk about you and with you.

I have always been drawn to the idea of holding space — space that is so much more than the literal air between our two hands. How do we make space and how do we keep it from slipping through our fingers?

Let’s consider this Friday Open Thread a little bit of space that’s just for us. What are you doing this weekend? Tonight I’m going to a vigil/rally/march in Downtown Dallas to move in solidarity with people around the country standing up for ourselves and for each other. Tomorrow I will clean my room. How about you? What kind of space do you need? How can we create refuge for each other? Do you have any light to share?

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Adrian

Adrian is a writer, a Texan and a Presbyterian pastor. They write about bisexuality, gender, religion, politics, music and a whole lot of feelings at Autostraddle and wherever fine words are sold. They have a dog named after Alison Bechdel. Follow Adrian on Twitter @adrianwhitetx.

Adrian has written 153 articles for us.

176 Comments

  1. Hey, everyone. It’s my wife’s birthday today–and she’s devastated. I’m trying to keep my spirits up with prayer and magic (Jewwitch here) and cuddling my cat, but there’s just this underlying blanket of fear. I’m not going to the march tomorrow even though I want to because my family and friends want to gather separately instead. So I do feel some guilt about that.

    How’s everyone holding up?

    • It is always hard when celebrations collide with devastating events. I hope your magic, cuddling, and community are healing to you.

      I am holding up fine-ish but having a very hard time getting work done….

  2. I was just on AfterEllen, checking it out after the changeover and….WOW.
    Here’s an example of it.


    Caption: Not in much of the South.

    And here’s two comments about that pic:
    #1: I am pretty sure a straight white man kissing a black woman is perfectly fine in “much of the South”, and I don’t see what heterosexual issues have to do with us lesbians?
    #2: A good article totally ruined by an unnecessary and inappropriate gif.

    Just…wow.

    • So I follow a queer party planning company and one of the party planners now works as a freelance writer for AfterEllen. I was a disappointed to find out in the comments that one of the persons followers is terf-aligned based on suggesting she write a transphobic comment. Also found out from another person that AfterEllen has a lesbian executive editor who signed a petition started by biphobic terf and that femmephobia/internalized misogyny is okay in the comments. Ugh

    • Ugh. Yeah, I gave up reading that site a long time ago for those sorts of reasons, and based in your post, I’m not missing much. =)

    • I was a loyal Afterellen reader since day 1. It really broke my heart when the trashed Trish Bendix and crew, and I haven’t been back on the site since.

      Maybe the lesbian community has diverged like America. One half intolerant and one half tolerant. Afterellen is for the deplorablesbians now. Sarah Warn would roll over [someone’s foot] in her Herman Miller chair.

    • Wow, is AfterEllen turning into a safe haven for TERFs? Was it always? That’s awful. I love those two characters and their relationship. Kinda want to punch those commentors.

      • Afterellen was never particularly welcoming to the trans community. Not the commentors anyway, I can’t speak for the former staff. However, it is ten times worse now and I totally blame the regime change. Haven’t been on that site in months and I have no intention of returning. They have burned their bridges with me beyond repair.

    • that’s so fucked that gif makes me have REALLY GOOD FEELINGS ugh those commenters sound like gross jerks.

  5. Thank you for being here Audrey and everyone.

    This weekend I am writing a paper about the role of gender and sexuality in the construction of race and nation in the early modern (late 15th-17th century) hispanic world, and in the evening I am appearing in a musical revue of Gershwin songs with scenes that my friend wrote. It was initially a very heteronormative script and in many ways, still is, but when I agreed to join the cast to replace somebody else (the performance dates changed due to issues with the space reservation), she recast part of a scene from a guy to me… so now I mention having a Trump-supporting girlfriend! In real life I’m pretty sure that would be a deal-killer, honestly, but I was so touched that she changed it and thereby made my character queer, at least for a scene. Also, the sheet music for “Oh, Lady Be Good” that I got to sing has the line “I must win some winsome miss,” not the “I must win some handsome guy” that I heard in a recorded version, so there’s that.

    I am not watching the news, but I’m reading AS and maybe watching another episode of One Day at a Time. If the paper is coming along all right, I might go to a march in Trenton tomorrow, but it’s a rather long paper, so I don’t know for sure. I’m talking and writing to friends. I’m praying for safety for those going to the march.

    • Wow this sounds generally extremely delightful! Thank you for sharing and if you do march be safe and drink water!!!

      • Thank you. I decided to stick with writing today but accidentally wrote a poem before getting back to the essay this morning. Feelings galore, you know?

  6. Because I’ve been ill since Tuesday progress on my work deadlines has been slow, which means I have to work through the fever and the aches all weekend to make it. At least today was our weekly grocery run so my beloved picked me up the good organic ice cream with real vanilla to soothe my throat and my depression over this evening’s (Central European Time) inauguration.

    The good news is that Miss Kitty Fantastico, our now-adopted-stray-kitten has really taken to living indoors. We were supposed to have introduced her to the dogs by now, but with my fever and dizzy spells and workload I haven’t had the energy to supervise it. But she occasionally catches glimpses of the dogs through a gate and seems okay about them. The dogs mostly make that upset “I’m being left out” noise, which is promising since they could be making the “I’ll send you back to the hell you came from” growl.

  7. Mavis Staples made a spotify playlist called ‘I Give You Power’ and its really good. Still crying but like with good powerful music in the background. I had intended to power through today and get homework done and be on top of my stuff. But I lost all steam and I think I’m just going to have to let myself be okay with not doing all the things today.

    • I haven’t even put my headphones in today at work because I can’t think of anything that seems remarkably interesting to listen to, so thank you for this recommendation.

    • This is definitely not as cheery and uplifting of a suggestion as Mavis Staples, but I just remembered a book I read about 6 years ago. It Can’t Happen Here by Sinclair Lewis (1935). Just picking it up and reading the cover, it’s eerily like what we are already seeing. The first inside page even says things like ” Attorney General assails irresponsible news reporting” and “Little-known lawyers appointed by president to supreme court”
      The covers:

  8. I’m currently at the eye doctor, waiting for my pupils to dilate. I feel like that’s some sort of symbolism for this presidency.

  10. It’s Friday and I have no idea what my future holds! It’s exciting and scary. The only thing I can do is work hard and smile! This week was the first week of a long semester and I have a lot of work cut out for me. At least I have a distraction for a few months. I’m taking my wife out for dinner tonight as well. She bought me some nice shirts yesterday and it was so sweet of her to do that. Now I have to treat her. Dinner was all I could think of. Maybe sex later? Lol. Sex. hahahaha I gave myself the giggles. I’m so immature. Well, I do have some feels and some stuff going on mentally, but I figured to keep it all in! I want this post to be positive! I want to give the appearance of stability! Which means, I will probably be more random in comments or just off in the way I comment about things. I’m in for a wild 4 years guys! Bring on the denial!! It’s no longer just a river in Egypt, you know……… And my decent to madness begins now!!!!

    Happy BeginOperationCrazyLesbianInDenialAgenda Day!

  11. Stuck at work, and the lunchroom TV was tuned to the abomination that is being called “inaugeration coverage”. Definitely was vocal about my rainbow soul being in incredible pain until the channel was changed. I may or may not have started chanting “don’t give the cheeto any ratings!”…
    Spending my afternoon looking at fantastic art that is free to use for protest signs, and I think I’ve found the one I want to use tomorrow! I’m in Canada, and we are most definitely marching on solidarity (and our destination is the US colsolate). Art can be downloaded in poster form or tile print format to print yourself at the link provided! http://jointheuproar.com/

    • I have seen so many cool amazing posters available for free download! Thanks for sharing this resource :)

  12. Exactly 8 years ago I was standing on the National Mall watching Obama’s first inauguration. Standing by my best friend, Mary, we cried as we witnessed history and knew we’d always be able to say “We were there.”

    Today, I am currently on a train to Ann Arbor where I will board a Rally Bus with Mary which we will ride through the night to D.C. And tomorrow we will march in a crowd of people of all genders resisting the vitriol and hate of this new administration. I march because Black Lives Matter and Muslims are not terrorist and we need bridges not walls and because I am here and fucking queer and my pussy is not yours to grab.
    And in the face of an uncertain future, I will always be able to say “I was there.”

    I am hurting and I am scared and I have a stomach ache that won’t go away. But rebellions are built on hope and if Leia Organa can lead an army without a light saber or a bra, and if Ginny Weasley can stay at Hogwarts and make life as difficult as possible for the Death Eaters, than we can do this.
    We can do this. I believe in us. I believe in you – and also your hair looks really good today.

  13. I’ll be completely honest y’all, I’m struggling in a way I don’t know how to get out of.

    I had one of the worst panic attacks I’ve ever had (work related) on Tueday and while I got it under control, the rest of the week has been spent in hyper-stress/verge of a second one mode…every aspect of my life right now is causing stress which is just making today even more unbearable.

    I’m trying to l self-care, but my boss and coworkers (trump supporters by and large) won’t give me any breathing room to chill. Family drama makes it hard to want to call them. The stress has cause my hip/back to lock up so Physical therapy has regressed and I can’t even go for a little 10 minute walk.

    90% of my friends (IRL and social media) support Trump which is annoying.

    I know I’m wallowing but I fucking feel clueless on top of on edge. Everything is Trump related so I feel like I have to shut myself out to everything, even like here. I’m trying to fight that instinct, but man. I just fucking can’t today.

    • Take the break you need! It’s totally ok to remove yourself from things that are causing you stress, to rest and take care of yourself. We all need to do it sometimes and afterwards you can come back stronger and better equipped to deal with the world. Sending you some good vibes <3

    • Hon, you’re safe here.
      *hands cup of tea and a cookie*
      We’ll just watch a few movies until four years have passed.
      *settles into couch and hands blanket over*

    • Please dont allow those Trumpers around you to suck from your own oxygen.
      It tends to fuel all that hot air they love to spew. The willfully ignorant always participate in their own demise, and remember that they, one way another, are unfortunately likely to also become unknowing victims to the giant orange con. Turn off all the noise both physically and electronically as soon as you can today. Give yourself some time. Wishing you compassion, peace and strength.

    • This is really dreadful and I’m so sorry. I hope you can lean on irl and internet friends who do support you, like us here weirdos at Autostraddle. We love and cherish you!!!

    • During the summer I felt so overwhelmed by the politics on facebook and instagram that I just unfollowed basically everyone. Instead I followed a bunch of animal rescue organizations, buzzfeed cooking stuff, and queer meme accounts. Mood was much improved and I highly recommend it. It’s okay to take a step back and submerge yourself in only the things that feel good occasionally, especially if your mental health (and physical health!) is suffering.

    • You all are the best. Thank you. Those words are very much needed… I wrote my OP during lunch so you guys really helped make the rest of the afternoon better. Until right before the end of the day when my boss told me we should be “honored” to live during a Trump administration.

      That did not help.

  14. Whelp. Here we are. I didn’t know the apocalypse would sound so surprisingly calm.

    I’m working from home today. There’s a gentle rain outside my office window. It’s quiet. I wanted to avoid media all day but didn’t manage to do that so I figured it might be best to check in here. I hope everyone is doing okay.

    • I feel that, reading Autostraddle is like a palate cleanser after accidentally getting sucked into Twitter.

  16. I think I’ve had enough of the Orange Liar for one day, and our day isn’t even over yet. I am just right now trying to find a community space that is amab trans welcoming and not paying just paying lip service or expecting us to pass under some essentialist conditions. I have gone to events and met people who are trans inclusive, which is kind of to be expected as this is California, more specifically Los Angeles. But, I am still worried about lgbq people who terf aligned, which is not really autostraddlers readership.

    Thankfully, via tumblr and of course autostraddle I am speaking to lovely gentle beings who are informing me about local events that are inclusive of all trans folks. Also, a part of me wants to meet more local queer folxs and sort of test the trans inclusive policy of some of these lbtq events.

    Speaking of which, I went to one of the events last Saturday and had a nice time. I spoke to a nice person who I met at the previous weeks event. Had a drink, danced most of the night by myself, and also meet a few middle eastern queers(some of whom are vegan and politically active). I also invited a new friend I made on tumblr to come to the event, but the person kind of stood me up. :-( Said the plans weren’t fully set in stone, but I think they just weren’t comfortable meeting up, which is valid reason, but at least tell me you can’t make it so I don’t have to wait & text like a dork. Oh well, I still had a good night. I also went to an LGBTQ bar for LBTQ nigh on Wed. night; but, didn’t recognize anyone there. I had a quite drink alone while watching a part of the movie Players Club(which had the trope of the queer woc who’s forcing herself on the straight woc main character, ugh) on the tv. Then had a relaxing night walk on the beach near the bar. At the moment, I think my anthem might be Alone by The Pretenders, a great song/album(and of course band), worth a listen at least once.

    If one looks at the positive I am going out by myself to lbtq bars and clubs, which is something I never really did in my 20s. So, that and my trans queerness is something the new administration will nit take away from me.

    That and the enjoyment I get from Photography. A beach images from Wednesday night.

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend! If you are going to a march/protest tomorrow be safe, but also be known we won’t take shit from people who are denying our rights. Also, Orange is not the New Black it’s the same old white turd!

    • I am so glad to hear that you are finding people who treat you with the respect you deserve and are helping connect you to positive spaces!! That’s really awesome. Also I love seeing a Pretenders reference on Autostraddle, rock on.

      • Thank you, and thank you autostraddle for being a warm and community oriented site. Also, Chrissie Hynde kicks ass!

  17. Working in customer service til 10 tonight, and am holding space for any guests who might feel uncomfortable, sad, or uneasy while out in public <3

  18. Hiya, Audrey!

    This weekend, I am still playing FF-X, and if I actually finish it, then FF-X2. I got the remastered editions recently, as I never finished either of those games years ago. On Sunday, I am going to a football game. Football isn’t really my thing to be 100% honest, but hey, it’s a date, so that’s good at least. =)

    • Dang, that all sounds really nice. Also there is something to be said for going on dates with people who are interested in a thing you aren’t interested in/don’t know much about bc then you have the built in conversation topic of asking lots of questions and your date gets to feel smart and be excited to share about a thing they like :)

  19. I didn’t go to work today, because I knew if I was at work I’d probably get nothing done and just spend the whole day following coverage on Twitter and wherever else. Instead, I slept in, watched some Buffy, and now I’m moving on to Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Then tonight, one of my best friends is coming in to town and we’re going to a 90’s dance party and I’m going to get wasted enough I forget what happened today and pretend its 1995 again. Then tomorrow morning I’m going to wake up (probably in a great deal of pain, because of the hangover and once again remembering what year it is) and we’re going to go to the Women’s March on Washington solidarity event happening here in Ottawa. And then hopefully pancakes. That’s my plan for the next 36 hours. After that, who the hell know.

    • Brooklyn 99 is so good for the sads! Yes.

      Also it is so cool to hear about all the marches happening in other countries. Be safe and be loud!

  20. I’m feeling, thankfully, just a fraction of what I felt the morning after the election. It helps that I’m home, not at work, and the family members that support… this, are out of town. Today won’t feature a screaming match when my family are sore ‘winners’ and I lack the spoons to keep from engaging. Today won’t feature relatives being shitty on facebook because I unfriended/blocked them after 11/9. Today won’t feature me crying in the parking lot at work for more than an hour.

    So there is some relief, there. Hollow, but.

    Yesterday at work I saw a girl wearing a hat that said, in gorgeous embroidery, ‘Fuck Trump.’ Had a chat with a few co-workers about how awful this is. For now I think all I can do is keep swimming from one moment of solidarity to the next.

    • I have seen so much beautiful Fuck-Trump-related embroidery and I am extremely into it!!

      I am sorry that your family is so hard, and I am glad you have some respite <3

  21. I’m going to talk about things other than the election in case someone out there is like *please, no, anything but more of that*!

    This week I’m doing better. Stressed and scattered but also good. I found a friend to talk about my long term goals–which include motherhood and some options there in of. I don’t really expect to find a partner, so I decided starting to learn how to do it on my own several years ahead was a good idea.

    I then mentioned it to a friend I’ve known nearly half my life now (which is amazing in of itself) and they were just so incredibly supportive and kind. They’ve always been, of course, but I have to stress: any mention before of what I want to do has been more “good for you, NEXT”

    So having that support, knowing I have someone I can say “I want to have a family one way or another” and getting “I would like to be found family with you in one way or another” (more or less) is just so remarkable. No matter what might happen from here to then.

    So long and short I’m coping by going : what do I want? How can I get it?

    How can I help others get what they need/want?

    …and I might be planning on drinking tonight or tomorrow.

    You know, because that might be needed, too.

  24. I’m vascilating between “I can’t watch this unfold,” and “can’t tear my eyes away.” Our nation is a train wreck. I’m terrified. My head hurts from crying and clenching my teeth.

    I’m trying to spend today checking in on my closest friends from around the US (and a few international ones) as I have the strength. And I’m playing a stupid game on my phone to check out when I need to. Planning on smoking too many cigarettes, drinking a moderate amount of booze, and bingeing on Netflix later.

    • Your coping strategy is comprehensive and admirable. Excellent work and may the force be with you.

  25. Here are some things I did this week to start participating more:

    1) Started volunteer math tutoring to kids in need through a math enrichment program. My first couple of students are a pair of brothers who are 14 and 19, but they are at the same math level (algebra). The 19 year old is autistic with some learning challenges, but he’s enthusiastic and tries really hard.
    2) Brought a plate of cookies to my new neighbor who was randomly moving my recycling bin to his side of the alley. Normally, I might have just raged silently or left a passive-aggressive note. This time, I brought him a damn plate of cookies and talked to him about it. Turns out he had a perfectly reasonable explanation and we are all good.
    3) I’m a former Department of Energy employee, but I left last November to start my own hardware company. Most of my old colleagues work for EERE (one of the organizations Trump wants to eradicate). This week I’m reaching out to them in an effort to support them. I can’t give them jobs with my tadpole of a company yet, but maybe someday.

    Maybe next week I’ll run for mayor of my house (which I’m sure I’ll lose to my German Shepherd who is a disabled vet) because baby steps.

  26. Heya, I cant imagine how you must feel right now. I, in Germany, am terrified. Maybe this can be a little cute story: a friend of mine is writing a Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn fanfiction, in which they are both girls, named Tomboy Sawyer and Huckleberry Femme and it’s perfect.

    • This is random but I’ve always wondered where the phrase “safe and sound” comes from. It’s so interesting that a tertiary definition of the word sound is part of such a common idiom, you know? I am googling to try to find a linguistic explanation but no luck so far.

      • If you’ve been treating as a phrase than that is why you’ve had no luck.
        Focus on the word sound and the nonauditory contexts it is used in.

        “The foundation of building was still sound, the damage was superficial.”

        “The points of her arguments were sound.”

        • You’re right. The term also has the meaning of “wholeness” and of being “complete of itself” just as you’ve stated. In this case you are being wished safety and a whole, unbroken body.

      • Maybe it’s derived from the fact, that, when pots have a crack and you knock against them, they don’t make a real, full sound?
        Or that babies who do not cry healthily are often not well.
        Or…
        I hope there will be a lot of sound and soundness today. Keep rocking it, Ladies and gentlewomen and everyone in between and not.

      • Variations of “sund” mean “healthy” in most Germanic languages, of which English is one (although anglophones obviously spell it “sound”).

  28. Just wanted to say that I have been thinking about you all today, even here in Northern Ireland the inauguration is pretty much all everyone is talking about (that and the fact that our government has gone to shit this week) and I can’t imagine how you must be feeling today.

    This week has been the week where my consistent background stress decided to become straight up anxiety. I got through the week, sent my uni assignment off yesterday and decided that today I was just allowing myself to stop functioning. I slept til noon, hung out with Piper in fallout 4, ordered pizza and now I am going to read some before bed because tomorrow it’s back to getting shit done.

    Hope you all are doing what you need to do to keep yourself safe and well <3

  29. You guys. This is so hard. I’m glad you’re all here.

    I’ve been really unfocused and distractible this week and it finally dawned on my last night that I hadn’t meditated all week – so I made sure to sit for 20 minutes before breakfast. I’m not sure that I’m *much* more focused today, but at least I feel like I’m taking action.

    My 70+ year old parents are coming in from the ‘burbs and we’re marching together in the Chicago march tomorrow. I’m really tickled that they’re both coming with me. They live in a very red county although they are pretty liberal.

    In my quest to get more involved, I went through volunteer training at our local LGBTQ center last Sat – pretty much everyone I asked said they were there because of the election. So that was heartening.

    • It has made me so happy to see older folks and babies at different marchers. I’m so glad you got to march with your parents!

  30. I send the rest of you these two images of hope from Canada:

    and the front page of the only newspaper that didn’t have Trump on the cover, along with the banner “World’s Best-Designed Newspaper” (the inauguration story is tiny with no photo on the bottom half of the front page, in case you’re curious)

  31. Today, I am wearing my Gryffindor sweat pants (for the extra bravery) and my rainbow bandanna in my hair (for the extra queerness). I’m watching Star Trek on BBCAmerica and thinking about how in their version of history, the world went to hell but they overcame it and now need to go to other planets to encounter drama. I’m also really hoping we’re not in the AU with the space fascists.

    I was not able to get my alternative lifestyle haircut yesterday due to a scheduling mishap at the salon. This weekend, I will be working a lot, so I cannot participate in protest activities. ?

    Tonight, I’m going to eat the frozen chocolate pie and drink the champagne that were supposed be for holidays in 2015 and then 2016. I’m also going to make a pride flag out of construction paper and contemplate exactly how to include glitter in hate mail to our new president and vice president in a way that it gets all over the staffer who opens it.

    Hugs to anyone who wants them.
    ?️‍??️‍??️‍??️‍??️‍??️‍??️‍??️‍??️‍??️‍??️‍??️‍?

    • Thank you so much for reminding me WW3 happened in the Star Trek universe (and then led to warp capabilities). Maybe I’ll go rewatch First Contact. :)

  32. I am upset and afraid. I just started to accept my gayness and now I don’t even feel safe enough to come out. I’ve never really felt apart of the lesbian community in my area, the women I’ve been introduced to are cooler, gayer, older, just not like me/just not into me. I’m a small, brown, vegan, bi (ish), femme, who getd excited easily a.k.a. I can be loud and hyper at times. I just don’t set off gay vibes.
    I was struggling with feeling gay enough the other day because I think this guy at school is a babe. I want to braid his hair… I still feel powerful knowing that I hold power over the phallus.
    Other than that I am volunteering at my local greenhouse, trying to save the environment. F*ck the orange cheetoh, hope mother earth swallows him whole soon.

    • Hi from a small brown xicana vegetarian who was also initially intimidated/not feeling part of the community. It got better and I got bolder. I was unsure if I was queer enough to be on the board of the queer graduate caucus at school, given that I’d never even been on a date (with anybody of any gender), but I did it anyway. I also spent more time here on Autostraddle, which is a wonderful community that isn’t very tied to a specific geographic area.

      You don’t have to be gay enough, just yourself. You’re enough.

    • same. i’ve just started being open about my gayness and i’m struggling with feeling like i’m not gay enough, everyone reads me as straight, i’ve never dated a girl and i don’t know what i’m doing, i’m racked with self-doubt if i’m even “really” gay or just going through a College Feminist Phase, i sometimes don’t feel like i’m wanted in my own community. i don’t know how to deal with it other than to fake it til i make it and take solace in the fact that i’m not the only person who feels like this. love & solidarity & we’ll figure it out

      • This makes me feel so much better. *que “You are not Alone” from Into the Woods.*
        I was at a queer protest movement with tons of queer poc, (I’m not going to say the specific group because it is region specific.), and there was a really pretty girl who I just couldn’t talk to. I wanted to, but I didn’t know what to do. What if she was in a relationship? What if I’m not pretty enough? And I couldn’t tell anyone.
        Don’t worry about not being gay enough. Sometimes I feel out of place, but then I realize that is the least of my queer problems. That is the thing that bothers me least. And you’re right,we will figure it out. *HIGHFIVES NEW INTERNET BUDDY*

          • “One another’s terrible mistakes.
            Witches can be right, Giants can be good.
            You decide what’s right you decide what’s good”
            I used to be a voice major and Into the Woods gives me all the nostalgia feels.

  33. On my way to D.C. right now (I’m in the car but I’m not driving of course because I’m writing this) gonna meet up and march with some fellow Staddlers tomorrow at the Women’s March! Stay safe everyone, and make sure you are sticking with good friends during this dark time.

    If you are going to the D.C. March and need some people to march with, feel free to message me!

  34. My office turned the projector on around 9AM to start watching inauguration coverage. I was glad that my desk faces away into a corner. They turned the sound on so I put my ipod on full blast. Ears might not like it but I didn’t want to listen to any of that crap. Plus we aren’t supposed to have political stuff at work so that was a whole different layer of rage. I didn’t get much done but I made it through the day

    Going to the march downtown here tomorrow and can’t wait to be around the thousands of people expected to attend. Also have signed up for Planned Parenthood Volunteer training Tuesday night. Not going to go down without a fight!

  35. self-care includes west wing netflix marathon to remind me of what is possible, fill my ears with wise words, and my heart with inspiration.

  36. hi beauties,

    I made a bunch of cookies this afternoon and signs last night to take to the Womxn’s protest tomorrow. I don’t know, I honestly feel a little checked out. I’ve been therapizing all week holding space for folks’ fear and confusion and despair and right now I am pretty focused on my domestic sphere, because I’ll be out in the world again tomorrow. I am pretty embedded in my body right now and trying to attend to the surges of feelings that come and go, and distracting myself and engaging myself as necessary.

    this is an audre lorde poem:

    http://therumpus.net/2017/01/poem-of-the-day-power-by-audre-lorde/

    This is a blog post I wrote:
    http://www.seattlefeministtherapy.com/2017/01/20/let-us-not-pretend-everything-fine/

    so much love to you all.

  37. I’m pretty numb at this point, but wanted to share the story of what happened between 11:30 and 12:30 in my classroom today. I’ve got 13 and 14 year olds, and teach science, so putting today’s events on didn’t really cross my mind. It’s been a long week because of standardized testing, so my kids were working on editing a lab report, catching up on other work, and generally chatting.
    One of them asked if we would watch, and the room went silent (which never happens, not even during standardized testing).
    I asked if we wanted to. All of the kids hesitated. Another student asked what it would mean if we did. So we spent the last hour of class researching how TV ratings work and what they mean, talking about what it means to be president of anything, what it means to lead, what it means to show respect (both as a leader and as the led), how to respectfully disagree, and how the American people have led their government to change in the past. We talked about what it means to have a peaceful exchange of power, why that’s so significant, and why it happens. We researched ways to make our community better, stronger, and a good place for everyone to be.
    I’m numb, but I know that walking into my classes will continue to be a positive experience.

    • You know, for your 13 and 14 year olds, Trump will only be remembered as “That orange guy who was president while I was in Highschool”

  38. A positive bit of news:
    So, I went to the gynecologist today. My partner and I are both bi AFAB genderqueer folks, and so having to explain to the women’s clinic (small independent clinic in a very big city) that I’ve been at for some time has been…weird.

    Today, my boomer gyn was like “okay, so can you tell me more about what you and your partner identify as and your pronouns because my younger staff and my 20-something daughter have been on my case about redoing our forms to include pronouns and gender identity and I’m trying to learn how to say the right things.”

    A++

  39. I just wanted to pop by and say I’m here. We exist.

    Mostly because I want to know that you guys are here too.

    We are here. We exist.

  40. all of my canadian coworkers sent emails of condolences today…

    anyone going to the atlanta womens march tomorrow??

  41. I took today off in order to give myself the best day possible, because I refuse to pay any attention to He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-II, just for today. I had breakfast at this local restaurant I’ve always wanted to try (Coffee cake was BOMB), went and saw Moana, and got an hour long massage. Plus I got to hold some puppies! Tomorrow I’m going to the Women’s March in Riverside so that should be a good time. My one concern though is that the Women’s March will turn out to be like the Occupy Wall-street movement: An event that brings some people together and gets some brief attention but that ultimately has no real impact. I hope that there is some follow-up to the March

  42. Hi friends! I’m dealing with my fear by smearing on black eye liner and going to a show with my friend, because sometimes you just have to dance and laugh and make it shine through that no matter what we’re still going to keep living. Then Im gonna come home and wrap my girlfriend up in my arms and probably never let go, because we’re also not, no matter what, gonna stop loving.

  43. My condolences America. I already sent this to my American real life friend but feel the need to say it on here, too.
    I watched the inauguration on TYT. I can’t cope with things like that looked at uncritically but wanted to see it in a way, a new American president is a historical event. One country with a lot of power and it’s scary that he’s now the most powerful person on earth.
    I actually ‘constructed’ an outfit today. I’m not much of a fashion fan so normally I just put on nearest fleece/jacket, jeans/leggings (depending on time of month or otherwise chance of stomach cramp) and t-shirt. I was more selective today so I wore my boxers (I’m only just getting into wearing them. It’s what I feel comfortable in so sod gender norms), my Yay cats t-shirt from here and a green checked jacket which was ‘me’. It actually felt good to plan out an outfit like that.
    I’m reading a book I think called ‘A Graphic Guide to Queer Theory’. After your 11/9 I decided to look at stuff like that. I’m a bookish geeky woman attracted to women so it’s right up my street to look at stuff like that but I hadn’t before.
    Anyway the book is really interesting and well illustrated and informative. I’d advise it to anyone who hasn’t really studied queer theory before and wants to learn about it. And it felt especially good to read it today (I hadn’t planned it out that way re date but coincidentally the last two books I’ve read are that one and ‘Men Explain Things to Me’, great way to end the week)

  44. I spent all day in class expecting to just block it out and try to compartmentalize so I could focus my energy on work and important stuff and whatever, because this week was already full of crazy school/work hell and I just wanted to sleep. But what actually happened is I crashed and burned at the end of the day and cried my eyes out. But I was really glad to see this and read everyone else’s thoughts and happenings because as much as I want to dissociate, this is happening, as is the rest of the world and life as always, and I need to continue to be there for that. So thank you.

  45. The only news that I am paying any attention to this week is the news that I got good enough marks to apply for PhD candidature!!! It has been a long, hard and terrifying journey to get this far. For the most part I have had very little meaningful support from the people around me. So screw everything else because I am proud af of myself.

  46. I can’t get rid of Trump today, he is everywhere. He is on all the TV’s at the gym, he is on the tvs at WM, he is on the tv at the office at work, he is coming from the speaker at someone’s personal computer at the bank, and now I have a guest who is blasting it in the common area at the lodge at work. I can hear it everywhere I go, and all I want is to get rid of him. I have anger coursing through my veins and I have to smile and be amicable and aggreable and I just want to hit something.

    • It’s a bit late now but be very kind to yourself as soon as you can for as long as you need. Best Love to you.

  47. I… don’t even know what to say, aside from that my offer to marry/adopt as many of you as possible still stands.

    Maybe a majestic-ish, kind of inspiring Oscar will help?

    (and if you want more ridiculous wiener dogs to take your mind off of Things, there are lots of pics of this goofy guy @oscarpennyandreid on IG. Sometimes laughter is the most powerful medicine, y’know?)

  48. Well this morning I’ve been cleaning the house (my cousins’ house) because I’m moving into my grandparents’ apartment tomorrow for a few weeks. It’s alright but I will have to sleep on air mattress for a while. I’m not a great sleeper so we’ll have to see how that goes.
    But I am seeing a friend of mine today who I haven’t caught up with for a while so I’m excited about that. We’re going to go to the park and have a picnic.
    Oooh and I got tickets to go see the Book of Mormon!! I’m relieved that I’ve finally got them because I waited in line for like six hours last week in the hopes of getting some discounted tickets. So that’s all paid off :)
    Also this week I got my IB remark back and it made my final score go up which was very rewarding. But sadly I’m still 0.05 points getting a scholarship for my first choice uni :( And what’s really frustrating is that I would have gotten a scholarship if I’d been in the class of 2015 because the IB conversion rate was different.
    I went to a queer party at a club the other night though which was fun! Although I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not the type of person to hit on girls at clubs. Oh well. I think part of it is that I’m not really confident enough in my appearance and that’s what’s the currency at night clubs. It’s alright though. I probably just haven’t found the right haircut for me yet.
    Last Sunday I went to my city’s queer carnival event, the Midsumma carnival, and I had a super great time with my friends. I got a bit tipsy so that was good too.
    I hope everyone else is able to have a somewhat alright weekend with everything that’s happening in DC.

  49. Um I have no idea if this is helpful or not but my face did the expression that has been dubbed “the shark face” when I looked at it so I figured I’d share

  50. I’m still calm but ready to protest. I’m with the majority and that gives me hope. It’s good to know that the majority of Americans are against going backwards

    • Vagina is tough and dangerous
      Shaking up the major labels
      Vagina gonna take the stage
      Cause vagina’s got a lot to say

      Vaginas gonna win the race
      Vagina gonna play in space
      Vagina gonna top the charts
      Vaginas fill your shopping carts

      Vaginas in the art museum
      And people buying tickets just to see ’em
      Put your pussy on a diet
      Then paparazzi gonna start a riot

      V-A-G-I-N-A

      VAGINA where you’re really from.
      Don’t play stupid, don’t play dumb
      Vagina is where you’re really from

    • This random thing keeps coming into my head:

      I love little pussy,
      her fur is so warm,
      and if I don’t grab her
      she’ll* do me no harm.

      *the woman/trans person who owns it.

      • Just realised this comes across offensive to transmen/gender queer people. Feel free to swap the female pronouns for other ones if need be. I was simply thinking of myself as I was thinking it up.
        Or ‘they’ plural and pluralise the whole thing.

  52. Hi I haven’t commented before, but have read this site for a few…years? Wow. Anyway, just wanted to check in and start getting more connected. Woke up early and followed some of the live blog here, then went to work and tried to keep busy. Been distracting myself for most of the day and getting ready for the march tomorrow. Now I’m rewatching One Day at a Time. I hope everyone has a fulfilling and somehow restful week, and that anyone marching tomorrow stays safe.

  53. To be honest, I had kind of forgotten that the horrorshow was happening today, and almost passing out in the physical therapist’s office today made anything less immediate than “not passing out” and “figuring out a way home since I wasn’t capable of driving” not figure at all in my mind. Chronic illness for the win, for once in my life!

    On the down side, the one nurse from the PT office thinks that I almost passed out due to hypoglycemia and because I’ve had other symptoms (but had previously just passed it off as my low blood pressure acting up bc I do have hella low BP), it means MORE SPECIALISTS and MORE DOCTORS. On the double down side, I am definitely not going to go to any protests (which I had been iffy on before because my ankle isn’t up for walking fast or tons of walking or standing) or doing a whole lot of anything until this is addressed because I would like to not have to worry about just…passing out in the middle of doing stuff thanks. I’ll be talking to a family friend/second mom who is diabetic and also a pharmacist this weekend to see if she has advice on dealing with this, recognizing blood sugar issues, if there’s any endocrinologists she’d recommend, and the like. Seriously I feel so lucky that I’ve got a mom who is a dentist, a person who is basically a second mom who is a pharmacist, a good friend who is a vet, a good friend who is a nurse, and a good friend who is a PA because between them my basic medical care has been set, they know how to deal with the medical system, and they are really good at knowing when something NEEDS needs medical attention. I honestly don’t know how I would have gotten through the past year+ without people who are intimately familiar with the medical system and it’s workings.

  54. Sydney had our March today with a really decent sized turn out of various groups and supporters. Fortunately it was cooler today than earlier in the week or people would have been dropping like flies. Full summer hit with temps around 106 – + F, I for one didn’t think I’d make it.

    I can’t believe the direction the world’s going. I’ve been flat and angry/miserable since we got home. It just beggars belief the progress that some are willing to sabotage…….
    Well, on the plus side there are still plenty of us fighting back!! So, GO US!!!!
    Now for a bit of self care, I think I’ll look up an Archeology doco, that will be engrossing enough to make me feel better.

    Love, courage and healing to all in need.

  56. Technically it’s Saturday now in Spain but whatevs.

    Just wanted to do by and let y’all know here in Madrid we had a protest yesterday “todxs contra Trump” which was also affiliated with the Women’s March on Washington. I went along representing my anti-street harassment group, and shouted and screamed until I nearly lost my voice. I may not be American but I’m here for y’all <3

    Be safe all those of you who are marching.

    I gotta clean up my house now coz friends of a friend brought some random friends with them to my pre-drinks last night and they made a mess and I'm not happy. Maybe I'm getting old now but at 27 I fail to understand how people can't conduct themselves respectfully especially in someone's house….We're not students ffs.

    Anyway over and out, have a good weekend you fabulous folk

  57. Richard Spencer, the founder of the alt-right movement, was punched while being interviewed live. I’m not one to condone violence, but that was hilarious.

  58. “do you have any light to share?”

    I do. 5ish years from now we make universal debt forgiveness happen AND guarantee basic income for all. we unweave the tapestry of corruption that has existed since before we were born and reveal truths that astound the planet into action. We remove poisons from our food and water supply and transform outdated exclusionary systems into those that work for everyone.

    I feel the future beyond the orange menace, precious fellow souls.

    4 yrs of forecasted backsliding and chaos is nothing compared to how long we’ve been yearning and waiting and planning to change the world.

    No more focus on what we don’t want or fears. Shift all the focus on what we love; what we do want to happen. We’ve got stamina and, guys, I am already SO proud of what we accomplish.

    AS hosts the celebration 2021; it will be off.the.chain.

  60. My plan this weekend was to join the affiliated Women’s March in New Orleans but I woke 10 minutes before it started with aching parts,dehydration, and a cough.
    Now it’s stay hydrated, eat soup and watch Lilo & Stitch.
    I got some light to share (maybe.)I got people that care, a person who wanted to be there (at the march) but instead is searching for the cough drops I can have and going to watch the best Disney movie not musical from start to finish.
    I can right a tiny wrong >_>

    • Don’t forget White Canary, Killer Frost, Vibe, and Kid Flash

      Or The Flash with…someone else

      Quake and Yo-Yo

      Jessica Jones

  63. Hey babes and dudes, sorry I haven’t been hanging out much this weekend, I have mostly been laying in the dark with the worst menstrual cramps of my life. I think my body is trying to lead its own revolution, yikes.

    But I have read all your stories and fears and joys and I am so fucking thankful for every single one of you.

    • I have been there.
      Once I was in so much pain I sweated like a person in labor (the floor was sticky with my sweat) and only know that I was screaming because my throat was hoarse for a day or two.

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