FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Be Honest, How Is The 2017 You Doing?

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HEY YALL.

It’s been a whole six days into the new year, and as much as this is a time for renewal, boy am I continuing to make some bad decisions! It’s like an arbitrary marker of time has done nothing to immediately reverse decades of behavioral patterns or routines. Maybe you’re in the same boat, and maybe trying to keep up this facade like you’re not already blowing it to yourself is making you feel even worse. Release yourself.

Or maybe you’ve already taken 2017 to task like nobody’s business. Maybe you’ve been hitting that alkaline water (that you made yourself) three times daily and have been keeping your body’s PH at a steady 7.4. But maybe there’s a quiet part of you that feels it slipping. That there’s no way this is sustainable. Free yourself.

Or maybe you’re perfect and want to come to brag about it. Treat yourself.

Because you know what? All of these things are fine! Life is short but it’s also incredible long! Do what makes you happy! And also tell me all about it.

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Erin

Los Angeles based writer. Let's keep it clean out there!

Erin has written 208 articles for us.

220 Comments

  1. Hi friends! I am excited/nervous/anxious to say that Monday my wife and I will be having our twins!

    There is a lot to be nervous about: 2 babies at once, surgery and healing, figuring out breast feeding, doing it without family locally. I get bursts of excitement to meet them and see what they look like (apparently both have lots of hair!) but my nerves seem to keep taking over. Anyways, 2017 will hopefully be good for our family :)

  2. Well I’m still enjoying my break from school (I go back on January 17), and the days seem sooo short. I got TWO surprise paychecks even though I literally haven’t worked since the 15th, so that was amazing. I got caught up on car maintenance and vet checkups but also spent a lot treating myself. So, I’ve gained 6 pounds. :(

  3. There have been some really cool parts of 2017, but mostly blah. The highlight was actually last night, when I went to my cousin’s apartment for dinner. My family is not close at all, and I rarely see my cousin (he’s my dad’s cousin, technically), but my new apartment is conveniently located across the street from his, and he just got married a few weeks ago, so he and his new husband invited me over. I’m not out to any of my extended family, and when I’m with my cousin, my dad’s always there. Last night, I came out to them, and we talked about gay things and dating and finding love and being gay Jews. It was amazing. I was there for almost 4 hours.

    In other news, that memoir musical I wrote about my experience with mental illness is happening this Monday (the 9th). If you’re in NYC, I’d absolutely love to see you there. I really need the support. I’ve always been told to not tell anyone about my mental illness, and on Monday, I’m giving a big Die Vampire Die. (Brownie points if you get the [tos] reference.) Tickets are only $10 and can be purchased at http://www.purplepass.com/lifeday

    I wrote a lesson plan for a 1-off class I want to teach on Judaism and “Fiddler on the Roof” – I showed it to my boss yesterday, and she loved it, so I’ll probably get to teach it at work. L’chaim!

    • Connecting with that family in new ways sounds amazing and perfect! You have gay cousins across the street! I wish I had gay cousins across the street!

    • seconded about the gay cousin across the street. rachel it’s only been 6 days what else will you do this year?!?!

    • You look at that air freshener vampire in fat ass fat old fucking face and you say DIE VAMPIRE DIE!!!
      LOVE the TOS reference.
      I’m a super big MT nerd and I love everything about this. Everything. Sadly I’m not in NYC but I will be supporting you from afar!!!

    • If you ever do a show out on the west coast count me in as someone who’d be glad to support fellow straddlers(and of course cool lgbtq folks).

    • Best of luck with the opening of your show!! I had planned to come see it but I just found out I’ll be in tech for another play I’m working on right now (the continuous curse of overlap with theatre artisans). If it goes up again, let us know and I hope all of those vampires die!

    • that’s very exciting! I hope it goes off well!

      Talking to family about life and love stuff can be such a nice way to be get closer. <3

  4. Hey everyone! Happy FOT!

    Work is eight types of crazy this month and I feel like the stress of it is manifesting as insecurity in my relationships with other humans, a feeling like each thread connecting me and the person I care about is tenuous at best and that everything I do is a dull edge on that rope, stressing it until it will eventually, inevitably, break. This feeling burbles up in me for different reasons and in different circumstances – when something is causing me stress, when I’m at a certain point in my cycle, when my depression is a little worse, or when my life feels out of balance – and right now I’m firing on at least three of those cylinders. I need to let those feelings ride, and try not to clutch extra hard at anyone just because my brain is a little broken this month, because clutching extra hard never helped a relationship either, but goddamn, is it hard. This is the number one bummer about my brain, and I am NOT. THRILLED. About it at the moment.

    Anyway. I love you all! I had a fantastic New Year’s! Everything’s going to be fine! Donald Trump is our president! Everything is not going to be fine!

    <3

    • something extra special is when life winks at you a little bit, like when you get stressed about being stressed. and yet i bet you’ve managed to put pants on at least one day this year and THAT’S NOT NOTHING. let’s hold hands and do some mindful breathing

    • QG, it’s okay. I just came back from the future. I visited 2020 and President-Elect Elizabeth Warren is really inspiring. *hug*

      We’re here for you in the now too. If I need to wrap you in bubble wrap and bark at mean people like an angry chihuahua for you, I will. :D

    • You are holding on in just the right way and your insecurity is just the right amount to make you exactly who your relationships need you to be at this very moment.

  5. My plan for 2017 was to quit drinking for all of January, and then my girlfriend got some Big Scary Health News, which sent me into an anxiety spiral and, well, there’s always February. I have to take a couple weeks of unpaid leave to care for her after her surgery at the end of this month, so I’ve been scrambling to figure that out, too. All in all, not the start to the year I was hoping for.

    • “there’s always february” sounds like a fair approach to me. hoping all goes well and how lucky your girlfriend is to have you in this!

  6. Just thought that I’d post this. One of the people I follow on YouTube decided to do a thank you to the cast and crew of “Supergirl” for the Sanvers storyline. She got several other people to also send in a video of why they liked and appreciated the storyline. Here’s the finished product.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbcOXfo3rJQ

  7. Prob the ongoing Virgo Pisces axis but I am too close to a situation to know my own mind anymore. I need like mountain goat kind of distance to be able to put anything in perspective but taking off isn’t currently an option. So, in 2017 thus far, I continue to breathe and ignore constant eye twitching somehow knowing it all gets worse but then so very much better.

    • kass somehow i’ve had a calf twitch in this new year. how and also why? mountain goat kind of distance sounds like a BEAUTIFUL song

  8. I wake up in such an impossibly misanthropic mood every morning that I chafe at being so much as spoken to, but this aspect of my personality is not at all new

    Still Crying Myself To Sleep 2k17

    An OKC match tried to start up a casual chat with an anecdote about a friend’s parrot (I mention having one in my profile), and I proceeded to ask like 80 questions about the bird, totally ignoring the fact that she’d also complimented my hair.

    “you really like parrots don’t you”

    – Her Response

    Insomnia = me diving into an online rabbit hole of quizzes = apparently my Autism Quotient is 28. make of this what you will

    (everything’s FINE, I’m FINE.)

    • honestly don’t mention a parrot if you’re not prepared to talk about it extensively. it’s not a dog or a cat.

      guess what i’m not going to make anything of it!!

      also i ate kale yesterday and it was like i had donated to charity or something

      • If you ever wanna know parrot facts / facts about the history of candy in America (??? And Yet), I AM YOUR PERSON

        If you want to casually flirt, or make eye contact, or go to any place that requires extensive socializing, I’m Not Your Person

  9. So I just finished nursing school (yay!) and am on the hunt for a big kid job, and in the meantime I’m at my old pre-nursing school desk job, which means I can read all the autostraddle again! I literally used to read every article AS posted as a way to distract myself from the unending boredom of this job.. and here I am again! Not loving the job, but I am loving the steady monetary income and the fact that I can be up to date on good gay news again.

    2017 has been pretty good to me personally so far, I’m excited about becoming a real nurse and starting a new job (if someone will hire me!) 2016 was really really hard for my personal life in addition to all the horrifying events that happened in general.. so I’m hoping for the best in this new year..

    I’m also trying to figure out if I should go to DC for this lady march in two weeks.. I keep going back and forth and am feeling very torn about whether to make the journey from CT or not..

    Happy Friday Y’all. <3

    • julia yes! you did it. and if there’s one thing I hear in my family it’s that people are “always looking for nurses,” so i have a feeling more than one offer’s going to fall in your lap. in the meantime make that $$$$$$$$$$$$$$

      i say do the march

    • Whew! Good work, Julia! Finally you can get a paycheck for doing what you’ve already been doing as a student! :D

      Are there any local residency programs at hospitals in your area? Remember, don’t hope: Apply! You’re already employed so that’s a big deal in your favor. In fact, if you’re happy at your current job, you can keep it while you find an RN job more suited to your tastes.

      Have you considered psychiatric nursing, btw? There’s a huge need for nurses who understand and educate themselves on LGBT patient needs and issues. In general, LGBT patient needs and concerns aren’t well understood or addressed.

      Happy Friday to you too!

      • Gahh! yes! I tried to find opportunities to educate my classmates on the specific needs of LGBT patients all year! Unfortunately my program was really short, so I didn’t really end up having time to do much teaching formally, but I want to talk to the administrators of my program about having more education about LGBT issues for future classes. I did get to work with a physician who runs a clinic for trans folks, and I learned a ton there. Psych is a little too close to home for me.. my psych rotation sent me into a bit of a tailspin.. but I do recognize that I’ll need my psych nursing skills wherever I end up! I’m looking forward to advocating for LGBT people throughout my career!! Thanks for the support :)

    • WHERE IN CT??

      I am in CT and I have been debating going to DC for the march. I am in Shelton/Derby and we could totally go. Is there a way to PM on here??

    • Congratulations!!!

      I hope you soon find an opportunity to put your skills, knowledge and enthusiasm too permanent use. Meanwhile, as you say, you can enjoy catching up with all of the LGBT news that you’ve missed. It’s a pity that you found Psych/Mental Heath too “tailspin” inducing. It was my preferred home for most of my career, I just loved working with my clients and teaching students how rewarding Psych could be.
      Best wishes for your future and have a great time on your well deserved break.

  10. 2017 has been so interesting, every day has been completely different! On the 1st, I FINALLY finished my grad school application (a week early even!) which was just the best way to start the year off. I’m scared now that it’s out of my hands and my future is literally up to a panel of people to decide but I know even if things don’t go the way I’m hoping I’ll find someway to do what I love. And since then I’ve been trying to make the most of my last week of break, seeing friends, sleeping in. It snowed a lot and is now incredibly cold and icy everywhere so I’ve been staying inside. A lot of friends are just getting back from break and I can’t wait to see them. I need to find something delicious to bake for one friend though, cause she was gone all last quarter and I missed her a lot. I’m thinking chocolate cupcakes and maybe raspberry cream cheese frosting…

      • I seriously hope so! Also does caramel cream cheese frosting sound like it would be good? or weird? I’m thinking half of the cupcakes will be raspberry and half will be caramel. But I’m not sure if caramel and cream cheese together is something people would think is as good as it sounds to me. ??

        • That sounds like it would be great!! Although I’m lactose intolerant so definitely not the expert on cream-cheese related issues (but if I could eat cream cheese, I would totally eat it with caramel). Raspberry and caramel is a delicious combination though, I can tell you that much.

  11. my 2017 was actually going okay up until right now because I just found out Mallory Ortberg DELETED HER TWITTER ACCOUNT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? and now I really, really, really do not know what to do with the world. (Her twitter handle, @mallelis, is now operated by a tree removal company in Arizona.)

    • Noooooooooo this can’t be true Mallory Ortberg was like 90% of the reason I still have my Twitter account!!

    • I feel like a lot of good ones have been dropping out lately. I don’t blame them, that shit gets super toxic, but it’s a bummer for sure.

    • This happened like two months ago and I still really want to know what happened. I hope it was a healthy life choice and not, like, because she was getting threats or something…but either way I really miss her daily thoughts.

  12. أمل في التفيير
    Amal fii altafier
    The hope for change.

    That’s what a friend just sent over our Arabic-learn whatsapp group as the vocab of the day.

    Week one, and I haven’t given up on that, yet.

    • I’m trying to have hope in change too. Are you sure that’s how it’s spelled, though? I thought it was التغيير (al-taghayyir, but pronounced more like attaghayyir). The letters are right next to each other on some keyboards. Good luck (حظّ سعيد) with your Arabic studies!

      • It wasn’t my word(or day) so I have absolutely no clue but shall gently and carefully pass it on for review;-)
        P.S.: Could you tell me what Good Luck is pronounced as, so I have a cool phrase to share for my vocab day tomorrow?
        P.P.S.: I’m actually writing some vocab words onto masking tape in marker and then put them up onto the doors of my apartment. That way I learn them and what they look like, and unbeknownst to absolutely everybody in my circle of friends, tend to the practice of everyday poetry.
        Like, on my kitchen door, I have the different mentions of places in time, like yesterday, tomorrow, today(which I love so much),etc.
        Another has different body parts:The nose. The eyes.
        I don’t know if I will ever speak it, but I love Arabic’s tendency to be quietly lyrical and ever so philosophical with a turn of phrase or grammatical concept.

        Thank you so much!

        • Yep, I figured it could easily be a typo (it doesn’t help that the fa’ and ghayn letters, when connected to other letters on both sides, have a similar shape).

          The words that I wrote down have a lot of letters with no English equivalents, but they would be pronounced like hazz sa’id (the h is soft and aspirated; the z sound is more like something between a hard d and a z; the apostrophe stands for ‘ayn, which is a sort of guttural sound; and the i is long).

          So here’s another word for good luck whose sounds all have English equivalents: بالتوفيق (bit-tawfiiq, pronounced with a long i, which is why I put two i’s; you could also transliterate it bettawfeeq). That’s perhaps more colloquial than the other phrase I wrote.

  14. Hm. Depressed on and off after brief fits of terror. It’s not baseless with the uncertainty right now, but I’m still trying to keep in control and face it all. I’m also getting a puppy in a few days! She’s adorable and I’m already deeply in love. My wife, fiance, and I are all ecstatic. It’s nice that amid all the horror and hate, there’s a little ball of fluff who will love us through it all.

    That’s what life really is, isn’t it? At least in the early 21st century. It’s about carving out whatever peace and happiness for yourself you can make, while doing your best to fight for a better today and tomorrow.

    I’ll cave and finally post a picture when we bring our new little girl home. :)

  15. The first week of 2017 is going pretty great bc today is a ~SNOW DAY~ and I don’t have to go to work!!! Seriously y’all I am getting paid to stay home from work today (btw I’m in Tennessee so “snow day” means there’s maybe like an inch of snow on the ground, mostly not even on the roads).

    I am continuing my bad habits of 2016 by staying up too late reading books but it doesn’t even matter because I got to sleep in today! And now I’m curled up in a chair by the heater with a blanket and a cup of tea.

    Did anyone else get really excited about the Sleater-Kinney Live in Paris album that’s coming out soon and pre-order it even though they already spent too much money last month? Or was that just me…..

    • i just left nashville, and last time there was an ice storm and my car slid down a hill into another car. STAY INSIDE MARY

      • I’m originally from North Alabama! I live in Nashville though. Nothing was really cancelled up here but it did snow for about 4 hours while I was at work.
        Meanwhile my sister is a teacher in Huntsville and they had the school systems closed starting Thursday night…nothing happened

    • I did, and was close, just for weird nostalgia sake, to ordering the cassette version. But, then I remembered the older model of my car had the hidden tape player, and I can’t just play it at home. I may just order the cd and/or just endless play it on Spotify(if it’s there that is, but I do pay for Spotify). But, I was a bit bummed I didn’t live in SF to see them for their New Years show, which I saw in a video they played a cover of George Michael’s Faith(I know Carrie is a big fan of him).

      • I wish I could have been at that show too! I love listening to Sleater-Kinney in the car, especially on a road trip.

  16. Well, so far 2017 continues the tradition of me typing out a long and deeply personal Friday Open Thread reply only to delete it all because all I really wanted was to write it out for myself and imagine other people reading it. What was my original message? THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW.

    I am going to really try to find a new job this year, as much as it scares me. (CHANGE! FRIGHTENING!) The work at my job is getting so good! But I think I’m mired in some kind of situational depression from how many years it’s been bad here. I spend all day in a funk and as soon as I get home I feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted off my shoulders. I need new faces. And a shorter commute.

    And also the company president listens to Rush Limbaugh all day and my cubicle is right outside his office so I get bits and pieces of it, and a few weeks ago someone on the show started spewing some vile, transphobic stuff and I honestly thought I might vomit. My lawyer-wife stopped me halfway through my recollection and said “that’s a hostile work environment. If you don’t think you can take this to HR, you need to leave that job.” So I’m leaving as soon as I can. Good riddance!

    • the drastic difference in mood is a huge tell, i say try for this new path! also the other day while scanning radio stations rush limbaugh was on and he was airing a segment that went like this: call in and agree with me on something i’ve said and i’ll give you a free iphone 7. legit transaction from a legit guy!

  17. I started off the year with an overnight trip to a nearby city to view some art (Van Gogh and his contemporaries) and experienced an amazing meal of a burnt carrot salad with grilled chicken and warm ricotta. I hope that this trip sets the tone for the year because both my brain and my stomach were satisfied.

    Perhaps I will use art, food, and insulation to continue living in denial of the currently very, very red problem we are existing in.

  18. Mostly I’ve been anxious and depressed and crying a lot in 2017. Which is not substantially different from how I was through 2016. Or, really, the last few years, if I’m being honest.

    I suppose the major difference is that short-term survival has become more of a worry, whereas before I was mostly dealing with the “I’m horrible and nobody will ever love me” and “Nothing I do is any good, I can’t do anything right, and I’ll always be trapped in a job that I hate” and “I’m not ever going to have the sort of life I want” and “I can’t stand to exist in this body, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it” sorts of problems. I mean, those problems are still there, but now just basic survival looks like it’s going to become much more difficult.

    I didn’t really have a lot of hope before. I don’t think I have any now.

    • hey, i’m so sorry things have been and continue to be so difficult. you know what though, if there was ever a community to be there standing alongside you it’s this one

    • Hey, that sounds really shitty. I can definitely relate to the “short term survival” thing and something that’s really helped me at times is setting really small goals for myself. Even to the point of, I will make it through the next hour, then I can reevaluate. I will make it to morning, then I can decide what to do from there. Etc….
      I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.

    • I’m sorry that things have been so crappy. It’s hard to have hope sometimes, but I hope you stick it out and things improve for you. Personally, I find that hanging out at Autostraddle helps – so many cool people to listen to and learn from.

  19. Hmmmm. My year so far is okay. I almost relapsed after almost 6 years drug free (7 if I make it to march). But I’m still clean and well so yay!!!!! Been reading books but not finishing them because I want to keep my curiosity alive. I haven’t been playing Fallout 4 like I planned for winter break either. Instead, I’ve been writing erotica….. hehehehe…. yeah. I find that it helps me prepare for the possible writing i might have to do this semester for business law.

    Oh, and my wife and I have been acting like our old selves again. It’s almost like when we were first dating but this time we are not long distance. I’m seriously falling in love with her all over again. With that said, she seems more open to us actually being a polyamorous couple since I explained how I feel about it and why. We aren’t looking but it’s nice to know that I can express my feelings more openly with my wife when it comes to other people. I’m kind of sad too though because I now know that a friend of mine does feel the same way about me as I do for her and also loves the idea of being with my wife; but she has a gf that is opposed to the idea. It doesn’t help that my friend and I crossed a line and now there is a possibility that we can’t ever really be more than friends. It’s fine though because as long as she is happy and we continue to support each other, I wi be happy.

    Also, I had a good discussion about student on Facebook. It was an interesting debate that started with an innocent post and usually I don’t get involved but I made a comment regarding the impact of risk and how that plays a role in making choices between student loans and alternative funding. It was a simplified explanation on portfolio choice and the financial market. Apparently I impressed some business professionals in the field who were also engaging in the debate because they complained about the quality of graduatea entering the work force. Then there I go giving an brief economic and financial analysis and explaining my experience as a student. Now I have meetings set up with financial advisors and best wishes from people I didn’t think would ever listen to me. It shocks me because my economics professor from last semester told us on the first day of class, “By the time this semester is over, you will know more than the average student. I will teach you beyond the textbook and you will learn in depth knowledge beyond economics. I guarantee that you will learn more than you think and you will impress people who doubt you.” He was right. So now I am looking over my old notes and preparing myself to go beyond the textbook this semester too. I can’t wait to learn more. I’m such a fucking need. ???????

    HAPPY FUCKING FRIDAY PEOPLE!!!!!!! ????????

  20. 2017 Ar is doing pretty peachy! Finally back on the West Coast after a tumultuous Christmakah with the fam; my mouth is grossly full of rice krispie square and my hairs smell like LUSH hairthings so I’m quite content <3

  21. I’ve been trying my best to make this year better than last year, and to actually work hard for a change (I’m a PhD candidate, and as a result of both mental issues and laziness I’ve been slacking a lot recently). I joined a dissertation bootcamp, which has helped me get more organized and actually go into the semester with a concrete plan, and I’ve fully embraced my Jewitch tendencies and have been reading tarot and oracle cards almost every day.

    The one issue I’ve found with doing magic is that it’s a lot of pressure to live up to. You know? Like I’ll send up some deep-ass prayer but then I feel like well, damn, I better deliver.

  22. I finished writing the sequel to my novel, Behrouz Gets Lucky on January 2nd. It was touch and go; the election happened and it felt trite to write queer, sexy, funny fiction (even if it has a lot of politically relevant subplot.) Now, I need to edit it, get it published, and figure out my next project; I’m thinking about a third in the series.

    Then, there’s the agony of waking up only to realize that the political situation is not a nightmare that I can switch off. I tend to hole up at home and write, which is not sustainable! I want to become more social and perhaps more politically active.

    • the politically active thing is what’s nudging me, too. a year’s a long time tho!

      and after you edit it and publish it i need to read it

  23. Hopefully, everyone had a positive new years night and day. I spent my night in the lgbtq area of Long Beach with queer friend who happens to be trans. I had my they/them pin on and was carrying my You Do You flask filled with lemon juice and bit of absinthe, cause why not. Met up with another good friend for a while to watch fireworks. Something felt off with my interaction with said friend, but I couldn’t put my hand on it. :-/ She wasn’t able to make it with us, but my friend and I walked to a queer bar. I got to talk to some cute queers on the way there shared my drink, sadly forget to get their info. Then we went to a queer bar filled with mostly fab queer men. We smoked a lot outdoors, danced indoors, and then topped the night off with watching Star Trek. So I ended 2016 and started 2017 in a queer way. Yas!

    The rest of the week was slow for me, but to be expected after New Years. But, I think I’ve come to the realization I may need to find a new line of work if business keeps up like this. What to do next, is the scary part cause I am out of ideas at the moment. On the plus side I am going to a queer/lgbtq wine tasting tomorrow, which should be nice cause it may not be packed at all, which could maybe mean more chances to talk to people, I hope.

    Didn’t have the best location, but some fireworks images from New Years.

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

    • That sounds like an awesome New Year!! And where can I find these queer/lgbtq wine tastings?? I need that in my life.

      • I found it via the internet, then made acquaintances with the woman who runs the events(it’s monthly but she also hosts other events too).

  24. I’m struggling to read/comprehend/contemplate/and finish ‘The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness’ by Michelle Alexander for my SURJ (Showing Up for Racial Justice) book club/meeting thing this weekend and trying to hurry while also trying to take comprehensive notes and also I’m able to be called into work anytime day/night so stress level is 8/10 and rising. Plus the book is bringing up a lot of feels and so taking notes and reading is harder than I’m used to. But it’s all worth it because I’m gonna be a part of the revolution to make this world a better place (or die trying). If anyone has read this (or other books and has suggestions for next reads) and/or has good discussion points/questions/follow-ups please HMU.

    I’m also trying to learn how to save or budget or find hidden money that’s been buried on an island so if anyone has some tips I’m open.

    My relationship is going so stellar and I’m really happy that I’ve found a love that makes every day great no matter how it’s going.

    And now I have to get back to reading so XOXO love you all!

    • I really enjoyed (I think that’s the wrong word, actually) reading The New Jim Crow. Depends on which aspects interest you the most, but some possible followups that I liked:
      Just Mercy, by Bryan Stevenson
      The Devil in the Grove, Gilbert King
      Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?, by Beverly Daniel Tatum
      The Other Wes Moore, by Wes Moore

  25. Today I started rearranging my bookshelves! I’m excited because I love my books and they’re all on the floor now and I’m thinking how to segregate them. It’s just so much fun. Though I should probably spent less time on reading them if I want to finish tomorrow. I don’t know, I always get sentimental and I like to recall why I liked that particular book, where I bought it, where I read it.
    Besides that I was mostly drinking tea, watching Supergirl, reading POI fics and doing math this week. So not very exciting but not bad either.
    I don’t feel 2017 is here already. I don’t know why because new year always was kind of big deal for me and I wanted to do summary of 2016 but I just couldn’t bring myself to it. And while I keep telling myself that 2017 is gonna be awesome and I’m waiting for new experiences, I’m also scared. This is the first year in my life when I have no idea where I’m gonna be in December and it makes me stressed out.

    • I rearranged my bookshelves last weekend (on New Year’s Eve, actually) and it was awesome! I get like that about books too, I feel really attached to books I read when I was younger and hate to ever get rid of any books…but then I keep buying new ones, hence the new bookshelf. What kind of math were you doing?

  26. 2017 has made me an official cat owner. Three weeks ago, a tiny kitten arrived on our doorstep, wet, dirty, skinny, limping, and very skittish at the sight of people. She is now a significantly bigger and cleaner kitten, with full use of all four legs, who knows her feeding schedule, comes running at the sound of my voice and loves cuddling. And, as we proved earlier this week, she’s even fine with new people as long as I’m holding her.

    As it turns out, Miss Kitty Fantastico didn’t have collar, a microchip or tattoo, no one had put up posters, and no one had called the vet or animal control and asked for a kitten with her appearance. The vet puts her current age at maybe 12 weeks, which means she was probably around 7-9 weeks and recently weaned when she showed up on our doorstep, more than a mile from the nearest village.

    So, now we have a cat. We already have two dogs. I’ve never had a cat before. In fact I used to be afraid of them when I was little. I’m also not an impulsive person—I never do anything without reading several books, getting expert advice, checking reviews, and having every last duck in a row, but here we are… a possibly 20 year long commitment on the basis that an animal stumbled upon our home by accident and it feels kind of meaningful.

    • That’s how I got my first cat! He showed up skinny, limping and meowing his head off, and then he purred when I put down a bowl of water for him. I am also not impulsive, but 16 1/2 years later, it’s still one of the best decisions I’ve made.

      Congratulations!!! Cats have a way of knowing when to choose their humans. It sounds like your kitty has excellent taste.

    • Ncooooh! I love this! I hope you and Miss kitty have a wonderful life together!

      I am also scared of cats and not at all impulsive but a stray scrawny kitten appeared on our property and meowed her way into my heart 6 months ago. She makes me laugh and warms my heart everyday. She has these conflicting moments when she wants to clean herself but also cuddle, so she sits next to me and puts one of her paws on me while she cleans herself. Oh, I’m going to stop gushing now…lol.

      • Aww! Miss Kitty Fantastico currently has a lot of conflicted moments when she wants to finish her bowl of food, but also cuddle, which results in a lot of *chomp* *chomp* *jump into lap* *purr* *headbutt nose* *purr* *curl up in arms* *purr* *turn around* *purr* *see bowl* *purr* *hop down* *chomp* and repeat!

    • I’m definitely not a first-time cat owner, and the one on my lap right now was definitely “planned” (hehe), but over seven years later she is nothing but my absolute joy every day (except when she wakes me up, ugh). Cats are fantastic. I find she understands when I’m not feeling well, physically and otherwise, and kind of hangs out and does her thing. You have taken the first steps of an incredible journey. :)

      • Aww. (Though I hear you on being woken up! One of my dogs gets cold easily and if I then don’t invite him into bed when he’s comes begging for it he becomes such a brat and sits and whines or barks at the front door as if he desperately needs to go out. He’ll do it all night if he has to.)

        • *when he comes begging

          I really should know better than to submit comments without re-reading them first.

    • Cats just know who needs them and who will benifit by their shared love. I’ve never felt more privileged than when a cat has chosen to share a bond with me. Ours were a great joy to us both and made us feel very special to be part of their lives.

      When we finally get our house sold and move to a new place this year we hope that some new cats will choose us for the next 20 + years.

  27. I just took my resume over for a job that I will quite possibly get, though I have mixed feeling about it. I’ve been unhappy, as of late, and shifting my work for a while is at least worth a try. I’ve been in early childhood for quite some time, and after ivf not working and waiting to hear back about foster kids, I think maybe I need a bit of a break from working with kids. The job is part time with Habitat and part time with a church (where they know I’m not religious). The pay is a bit less but I’ll be getting rid of a long commute. It feels worth a try at least for a while.

  28. I spent the first hours of 2017 drinking champagne out of the bottle on the roof of an artsy co-op at UC Berkeley, so… that was a good omen. But I have to re-sign my current lease by the end of today and two of my roommates are all of a sudden really wanting their own rooms (there are four of us in a two-bedroom place) even though three of us can’t realistically afford that and the vacancy rate in my city is below one percent (yay college towns!!!) so I guess two of them are leaving, one might stay and we’ll have to find one more person to cover one bedroom’s share of the rent. On the off chance that anyone knows a gal looking for a place in Davis, CA, I might be needing a new housemate.
    Yesterday I went to the hardware store and a beautiful old woman with long gray hair told me she liked my “I AM SF DYKE MARCH” pin and then helped me pick out drywall anchors for a big mirror I found at a flea market, so that was lovely.
    Please enjoy this photo of me, drunk, in the wee hours of the morning, at said artsy Berkeley co-op in front of a truly delightful vagina mural

  29. 2017 is off to a great start!

    I decided to liberate myself by coming out to my mother! I was preparing for the worst but got love instead.

    Also, the girl I like gave me a surfing lesson a couple of days ago and it was the BEST day ever! I’m still riding the waves of freedom and love!:-D

  30. I just ordered Birkenstock clogs so I think I am as gay as I’m getting right now. Peak gay achieved. Go 2017! I’m attempting vegetarianism for the first time in my life (more lesbian points?) it’s only been since the 1st but it’s going ok. I’m not missing meat. This is a HUGE shock to me. I thought I’d miss bacon. I have given up carbs a few times and that was way harder. Which honestly I would not have believed.

    I completed life is strange yesterday-I’d only done 1-3 before this week-and folks, Bae every time. That shit was harrowing. Yeesh.

    I’ve got massive anxiety about going back to work on Tuesday. Honestly it’s just so much. The stress is drowning me. I have to get out by the end of 2018.

    Have great weekends folks. Hope your ’17 is going awesome.

    P.S. I have a spare volume 2 of lumberjanes if any uk straddler is in need. I got two for Xmas. DM me.

    • Hi!! I’d love lumberjanes volume 2! I only have the 1st volume so far so that would be amazing! :) also I’m attempting vegetarianism for the first time as well – not missing meat either, though i have mostly been eating pizza……

      • I’ve been cooking actual vegetables…mostly variations on Italian stuff my dad did when I was a kid-but no pizza. Rapidly tiring of oregano-I can see me getting to pizza when I go back to work full time and am feeling lazy. My wife made an awesome cauliflower curry the other day. Good luck with non pizza based experiments. Happy to post you LJ. Direct message me where you’d like it sent. :)

  31. Hi, Erin! I hope you’re doing alright. 2017 is going okay so far here. I wish it wasn’t so cold. Fortunately, here in the southeast US, we have moody winters, and it will probably be back up to the 60s in a week or so.

    I’m playing “The Last Guardian” right now. However, the PC doesn’t seem to be a guardian at all, let alone the last one. So, I’m thinking of filing a false advertising lawsuit. (j/k of course :p ).

    • Its supposed to snow in georgia tomorrow so you KNOW these grocery stores are cleared out.

      i think you should sue for real

  32. I’m drinking gallons of weird chlorophyll water and tracking my sleep like Chris Traeger, but my crush hasn’t written me back in five days so life is meaningless and love is dead

      • My awesome hippie aunt got me some liquid chlorophyll for Christmas, and apparently it’s supposed to clear up your skin and “oxygenate” your blood, and generally work some kind of superfood magic. At this point, I don’t care if it’s psychosomatic, I need all the help I can get

  33. Hey, mes petits fours!

    2017 has been… surprisingly OK so far. I picked up my life and moved to Quebec just before New Year’s, and started my new(ish) job on Tuesday. It’s been one hell of a change (turns out my spoken French is REALLY rusty), but I’ve been handling it a lot better than expected. There’s every chance I’ll just end up having a delayed response though ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    That said, I am in love with my new place. It’s a (rented) loft in a 50yo converted warehouse, and they kept a lot of elements (like the exposed brick wall and piping) intact. It’s got an ~industrial chic~ vibe going on and I’m really excited to start decorating it. Also, I’m in a really cool neighbourhood near a bunch of restaurants, home stores and the like, so I have lots of exploring to do.

    Side note: I finally have Internet and am looking for smartass SSIDs. I’m across the alley from a massive church and around the corner from a “church” of Scientology, if that gives you ideas…

  34. Help. Im terrible at pitching articles :/

    I know i should do it before finishing the article but since i only ever been published twice (two years ago….) i get all self conscious and just want to send a fully done article to prove my worth or something.

    Ughhh also im one of those terrible people who is terrifed of checking their email, reading messanges etc. Its crazy that i even want to be a writter in the first place since i have an acknowledgement complex. What the hell brain you had one job.

  35. Hi friends! Sending love to everyone who needs it. I’m so grateful for this online community.

    I have made the decision to quit my exhausting life-draining job by the end of February and start my own online business! Honestly I’m not 100% sure what the business is gonna be, but I don’t have the time or energy to figure it out while I’m at my current job, and I’m privileged and lucky enough to have saved 5-6 months’ worth of living expenses, so I decided I’m going to take the leap and figure it out as I go. I’m really scared but also super excited and I really feel like I can do this and it’s what’s best for me.

    If any other entrepreneurs would be interested in getting coffee, either here in Philly or over skype, hmu. Would love to meet you. <3

    • Goo Luck. Take the leap.

      Nothing worse than spending the rest of your life wondering “what if I’d had the courage”.

      • Thank you Diane! And yes exactly, I don’t want to look back in 40 years and wonder “what if”

  36. Is it Friday? Wow, yeah, guess it is.

    2017 is…something, I guess. Too little data to proceed from so far. God, what a nerd thing to say. I’m chilling down here in the South watching everyone brace for the Snowpocalypse and just laughing my little Yankee head off. However, I do understand that ice is a problem. So yeah. Hopefully no ice.

    Sooooo, I spent most of the past several hours curled up in bed and feeling very “shoot me”. Before the Snowpocalypse arrived, I bopped over to my friendly neighborhood downstairs doc and got an IUD shoved up in my organs. You guys, I am sure it will be great. I am sure I will love it. Emphasis on future tense, because right now, I DO NOT LOVE IT. The insertion wasn’t actually bad at all – everyone involved was lovely and consummately professional, and for that I thank them. However, as soon as I started driving home, my uterus was basically, “Wait, wtf did you just do to me?” Things went downhill from there. I’m not in a whole lot of actual pain (no worse than period cramps), but I’m disoriented/vaguely nauseous/having hot flashes and cold sweat. Lame.

    On a more positive note, I have been crushing it at the gym this week (by my rather low standards) and am excited to start going more. I have had joint mobility issues and generally been an injury case for several years now, and there have been times when this awful voice in my head was like, “You’re never going to get better.” Well, repping 135 on squats says otherwise, stupid and incorrect voice I never have to listen to again. Mind you, 135 isn’t heavy at all, but I didn’t get stuck at the bottom/pitch forward/have my hip flexors lock and shear my knees/go numb in any limbs. So yeah! If this keeps up, soon I might be putting ACTUAL weight on the bar. I would also like to resume deadlifting, since I can pull much more than I squat, but I don’t think my neck is going to let me yet.

    Oh yeah, and my freelance editing season is more or less over, but one of the students I helped sent me and the other staff who helped him an actual thank-you note. It was incredibly sweet! I was going to stop there, but let me tell you guys a little bit about this kid. He’s a bio nerd (be still, my heart), but he also writes stories to help people deal with bullying and is mad committed to gender equality and supporting his female friends who experience harassment. There is still good in the world, people. There is good here.

    • Bio nerd thank you card writer sounds like the kind of guy I want to be best friends with. I’m glad you found a little beauty in this dystopian-adjacent nightmare. Keep killing it with lifting my entire body weight and hopefully your uterus will forgive you for you doing your thing.

    • All my friends had pretty much the same IUD response and it resolved within a few days to a week and now they’re all v satisfied.

      • Thanks for letting me know! That was my suspicion as well. I wasn’t worried at all because it’s still been barely eight hours since I even had it done. I expected some misery. I actually think dragging my sorry ass over to the gym tomorrow and doing some kettlebell swings or something along those lines might help. It helps with period cramps, which is very much what this feels like. If I feel more or less myself again by the beginning of next week, when my classes resume, that’s good enough for me.

        • I felt terrible, like truly terrible, rocking myself unbelievably slowly in a recliner, for the entire first day with my IUD but 8 years on and I’m still very happy with it. I’ll keep it in for the full 10 years, and recommend them to everyone. Hang in there! It’s a great investment.

    • I remember living for one, waayy too long year in Tennessee. Just an inch or two and it might as well have been Sharknado for my roommate and many locals. And I was all like, y’all are the same people who survive tornados season each year?

      IUD’s, not a fun experience the first 24 hours. I thought I was going to pass out in the OBGYN’s but still an ideal option and pretty freeing- always being good to go and not having to worry about taking pills every day.

  37. I finally bought a Harry Potter book. Every day I will read a little bit, and hopefully, it will help me climb out of the shithole that was 2016.

    I don’t know if I’d call it depression because I lost people in 2016. Like actual people besides George Michael (and I’m still not over that), people who made life interesting and gave me joy and can never be replaced. So I’ve been sad, and angry, and terrified that I’ll never find their equals again. It’s weird when sadness feels like all I have left of someone, and I am afraid to let go of that because then what’s left? Who am I if not the person who misses you?

    But I started writing again and realizing that being an asshole might be my true calling. Who knew?

    • I hope you feel better soon. It’s so hard to lose people who make your world go round.
      Maybe try writing the pain out?

  38. well 2016 was great for me personally (I know it sucked globally), I travelled a lot, lived in three different countries, and pushed my limits in a lot of aspects. I met a lot of new people (a big stepping out of my comfort zone), became more introspective, learned more about myself (as socrates says), and moved on(ish) from some really painful and damaging past relationships.

    Here I am in 2017 and the same issues of loneliness and social anxiety are plaguing me now that I’ve returned to the place they were manifested in, but everyday goes by and everyday I’m working on just being me a little bit more. Small victories.

    Today I got a job with a professor I really admire and although I have trouble owning my accomplishments and feeling proud, I am right now :) Going out with some friends tonight where my ex’s will most likely be. Telling myself I am worthy and strong and to let shit go this year. The past is past and I control my response to situations. They are not worth ruining my night out of anger and sadness. I’m excited to dance. I’m excited to see my friends. I’m nervous about everything but I’m learning to live with that. phew. my social anxiety has been really bad lately and so have my feelings of worthlessness. I need to put my energy into something tangible that I can be good at. To foster a sense of accomplishment. my rock climbing gym doesn’t open for a week but it will be good to get back on the wall.

  39. My new year started with returning to work on the 2nd, with most of my colleagues still having time off, so it started pretty chill.
    I got into an argument about the tourist gaze with a friend (proud backpacker), and he would constantly take it personal or shift the goalposts. I don’t know why topics like these make me feel like a loaded gun, and I did a pretty bad job explaining myself. So I started writing an essay for him until 3am, in which I properly re-explained my points this time, though I believe I’m never going to send it to him anyway. As of now, I feel kinda ridiculous and very tired, and not just because my brain is still missing 6h of sleep.
    On a lighter note, I treated myself with a new music instrument during Christmas, and I’m looking forward for it to arrive end of the month.
    My hopes for 2017 are to turn being on good terms into friendships, unlearning a bunch of unhealthy mindsets and habits, and reaching out to communities more (like on here) :)

    • Go for it.

      Hope all works out as you want it to.

      I’m envious of your musical talent too by the way.

  40. Honestly, I’m doing pretty well. I’ve got a major grant deadline coming up, but I’m feeling pretty good about it and my adviser’s optimistic we can pull it off (if we do, it’ll cover the rest of my dissertation), I’ll be giving my first ever public burlesque dancing performance in February, my wife’s finally pursuing her dream of going back to school for physics (so proud of her!), and in July- unless someone cancels and my date gets bumped up sooner- I’ll *finally* be having GRS. While I’m not at all looking forward to the recovery/convalescence period, I am *definitely* keen on the end result.

    So, a lot to look forward to. I’m kind of in denial about the inauguration (mostly because part of me refuses to believe America will make such a fool of itself on the world stage- on the other hand, I seem to recall a lot of us felt the same way about George W. Bush, so maybe I need to keep my expectations more realistic), but honestly it doesn’t seem to be otherwise impacting my mental health. I’m also slightly in denial about the massive amount of work I’ll apparently have this semester TAing an online course (think answering posts on message boards from confused and upset students, forever), but on the plus side, the course only runs through Feb. 28th, so it’ll be brutal but short.

    All in all, I’m just trying to keep on keeping on, I suppose.

  41. January has been surprisingly awful. My roommate and I got burgled, and in addition to electronics, a ton of my jewelry was taken. It had sentimental value, so I’m heartbroken over the fact that I’ll probably not get it back. And it just makes our house feel unsafe overall.

    BUT I’m taking huge risks this year! I turned down a full time job after I got fired. I know, it sounds crazy, but I’m am actor, and I’m really tired of using shitty full time jobs to not try hard enough at what I actually want. So, I’ve been babysitting and dog walking, and I just landed my first server job!

    My goal for this year is to be able to be on set on any capacity, so I’m starting as a PA this week, too! I’m building my life in anticipation of what I want. And screw January–I’m just chalking it up as 2016 afterfumes.

    • First off, sorry about the buglary x

      But it’s good to hear that you’re focusing on what you’re passionate about. I’m going through the process of focusing on my writing as opposed to seeing it as something I’ll do on the side of a full time job.

      Best of luck!

  42. Hello babies,

    What’s alkaline water?

    I love the idea of an arbitrary date that shifts things forward, but this year I didn’t even bang together pots and pans (bc our friend’s toddler was sleeping in the next room) so there wasn’t much to mark the passing over the threshold, but my only resolution was to sleep more, but I haven’t been doing so much more of that unfortch.

    But I have had some new exciting fiction options land in my lap and I am having the dilemma of whether to start the new book from the library (here comes the sun) or continue the zadie smith book I’m 150 pages into. PROBLEMS.

    My day was fine, I had this weird therapy session where I had this conversation with my therapist where I was like “sometimes I get very self conscious in session and I project all my insecurities onto you and I really want you to reassure me but I don’t know if that’s appropriate to ask for and now I feel very self conscious about having this conversation ack” and she’s very nice and also, it was awkward.

    I’ve had the song “this will be” stuck in my head all day which is a lovely song but it also makes me think of turrible rom coms and match.com, both of which are disappointing associations.

    Also I went to a Mediterranean joint with my friend for lunch and had really delicious Turkish coffee and I was trying to read my coffee grounds per divination freestyling and I was like “huh I see volcanoes and a fast-moving bird” and friend was like “looks like a skeleton hand to me” and I was like, you’re fired from any beverage divination if what you’re gonna tell me about is skeletons.

    My sweet friend got gender affirming surgery today and I got her some really delightful zines “how to become a ghost when you die” and “how to be a good ghost” to send her while she’s convalescing. bc we both like goofy death stuff re:order of the good death.

    Otherwise this weekend I have scheduled brunches with friends, a queer burlesque event, and am gonna watch that webseries babes. excited!

    Hope everyone is swell. xoxoxo

    • My sweet friend got gender affirming surgery today and I got her some really delightful zines “how to become a ghost when you die” and “how to be a good ghost” to send her while she’s convalescing. bc we both like goofy death stuff re:order of the good death.

      I hope she appreciates your thoughtfulness :).

      • I’m certain she will! Also, if you know anybody who likes weird cinema, a year subscription to indieflix is $40 and I snagged her that so she could watch weird art house films & is a nice thing for film dorks.

        I feel a little sheepish about putting all this out there, but I just like buying people presents! Especially for significant life things! It’s my outward-facing love language!

  43. Hello, dears! Can I just say I love interacting with/reading about each and every one of you!
    2017 is off to a pretty okay start! Things that are going well: I’ve flossed every day, I’m making more time to read and journal, I’ve been cooking healthy meals for myself, I’m feeling excited about my work again after a bit of a slumpy-frumpy-gruumpy time, and I have a lot of exciting community organizing work and personal projects that I am continuing/diving in to.

    Things that aren’t going so well: I’m super fucking broke, I’m stressed out about all that I have on my plate, and it’s a Friday night and I need to clean but I really just wanna lay around and watch movies. Honestly, that’s not that much to complain about so I’ll just be grateful <3 Have a wonderful weekend, queermos!

    • Hope your finances improve soon. Worrying about cash really takes the gloss off. I understand about the cleaning blues too.

      You sound as though you’ve got the goals of your year sorted. Keep up the happy positive stuff, love the healthy cooking. Me too.

  44. Sigh, I don’t know honestly. At christmas I could actually see my floor … now I can’t. Well, at least I now know where all my clothes is: on the floor and dirty. Oh well, I have a whole year to clean it up.

  45. the start of 2017 feels like I can’t decide whether it’s momentous or not. I keep reading these personal pieces where successful people say things like, “well I had that one time where my life was a real shitshow but I got through it to get here.” and I used to take some comfort in that, but now my ‘shitshow’ period is extending to like, 4 years, or something? and I’m really ready to move beyond it. but I’m not sure how.

    on a better note, I watched the Girl King, which turned out to be awful in so many ways, but it is also a gay period drama, which is the greatest kind of movie, so that was really nice. it doesn’t have a happy ending, but at least one of them doesn’t die. pros and cons.

    • Ooh! I hadn’t heard about The Girl King when you said it was a period drama I couldn’t imagine it was about anyone other than Christina of Sweden, so I had to look it up and now I really want to see it. In what ways was it awful? I can deal with historically accurate awfulness (if the gay part is Christina’s presumed relationship with Ebba Sparre then it can’t very well end happily, because Christina converted to Catholicism and pretty much had to leave the country and Sparre died young).

      • The awfulness was mostly that it spends way too much time on her relationship with Descartes, and I think that in spite of being a grad student in philosophy. I wanted a lot more development of her relationship w/ Ebba. (Also, if you’re a stickler for history, it insinuates something about Descartes that seems otherwise unsupported? I won’t say more to keep from saying a spoiler.) Also, the editing is just pretty horrendous. *But* the production value is still higher than most of the gay films on netflix, so there’s that, and the lead performances are solid. It’s totally worth watching.

        • (just kidding, I take this back. I did some more research, and am now way more into this movie given that the Descartes storyline is more historically supported than I thought.)

    • I LOVED THE GIRL KING SO HARD. It was the queer lady period romance novel I always wanted, but in movie form. Can we just talk about that sex scene? Like. I can’t even.

      • I KNOOOOOWWWWWW

        I was furious when it was interrupted. Like, Jesus. They don’t even get a happy ending and you can’t give me 30 more seconds of this unbelievable queer sex activity ON THE GODFORSAKEN DEVIL BIBLE???

  46. 2017 isn’t starting off great for me, I really want to move because I’m having a hard time living with my roommates weird rules and habit of yelling early in the morning, but I can’t afford any apartments in the area. Instead my goal is to find a better job, but I need to get my ADHD under control for that and can’t get an appointment for a month. But in all I think I’m in a better place than I was last year, so I’m trying to stay positive.

    • I hope the job hunting goes well for you. It’s really awful when your home can’t be a home because of the people you have to put up with.

      If it’s any consolation, I had a long period of time that was about as lousy as it’s ever been for me but it eventually passed. Followed by many good years, that are still unfolding. Sometimes it takes time but all things pass.

      Good luck for the rest of ’17.

  47. Overall, 2017 has been good to me. I’m going out with a couple of old friends which feels OUTSTANDING because I’ve been in monk-mode getting certification tests done.

    Rather than really intense New Year’s resolutions that have previously stressed me out. I’ve decided my goals are to be more present and stay connect/reconnect with old friends. I definatley want to participate in the Gay Kitchen gallery.

    I wish my father would stop sending me Brietbart articles. But otherwise I’m doing pretty good.

  48. All I’ve got right now is: meh.

    I’m happy to see a lot of people are off to a great start (babies! Yayyyy!) and bummed for those who are aren’t quite as lucky, though!

  49. I had the absolute best New Years Eve/Day in the history of ever with my chosen family who were wonderful and affirming and it was fun and exactly what I needed after the complete shitshow of christmas with my bio family. Then on Jan 2 I had the day off and I bought THE DESIRE MAP and recommitted to doing THE ARTISTS WAY and set my goals and intentions for the year and felt really great about my life.

    And then today I had a text exchange with my mother and it triggered a huge emotional flashback/shame spiral.

    I’ve finally recently accepted that my therapist is right and I really do have PTSD. I’m starting to really accept what that means for me, and trying to more forward but right now I’m having a hard time imagining not being stuck in my past. Hopefully the fact that I am so fucking sick of talking about my mother in therapy every week is a sign I’m moving forward? But I do it because every fucking week there is more to say. So I guess I have to keep plowing through until I can truly let it go.
    So I guess for me maybe 2017 is the Year of Letting Go.
    Wish me luck.

    • All the luck in the world to you. Stuff with Mums can be the worst. Keep at it till it’s over.

  50. So far 2017 is going pretty well for me! I finally got my IB results on Wednesday and I ended up getting the score I had originally hoped for. So I was really happy about that and it was such a relief to finally know how I did. Also it was good because I had really been doubting my academic abilities and although exams are not necessarily the best measure of that it certainly was reassuring. Especially because a counselor at school had told me earlier in the year that my expectations were too high and that I was only an average student at my school and that aiming high was like her aiming to buy a Porsche. So I’m glad to have proven her wrong.
    And I’ve finally decided what I’m doing for uni, but now I just have to get ready to move to Canberra.. I’m really excited though to be moving out of home (though my bedroom at home will still be there for visits) and to have more independence. But I’m a bit sad to leave Melbourne.
    I got to hang out with a lot of my friends though this week which was nice and I feel like I’m starting the year in a good place with nearly all of my friends. I’m a bit sad though as I won’t be able to see them as much when I’m in Canberra.
    Tomorrow I’m getting to go to the lgbtq+ bookstore for the first time so I’m really excited about that.
    Although my week has been mostly good I found out that my best friend has arthritis in her back which is a bit worrying. But I guess we should all just stay positive and hopefully things will turn out ok.

    • Congratulations on the exam results! From someone who just barely remembers how nerve wrecking that wait was. (IB class of 2003 here)

    • Have fun in Canberra, although I know that sounds a bit of an oxymoron that’s just my long term irritation with our politicians. You’ll soon make new friends too. Congratulations too on working out the course that you want to do and getting the score to do it. No need to pay too much attention to the things that authority figures have to say either. Follow your heart.

  51. 2017 has been kinda…meh? It’s gotten better from the way it started with me debating whether or not to go back to the hospital. But being able to get sleep really helps with pain so things have been going ok. I’ve had multiple migraines thus far in 2017 which could be better.

    This coming week should hopefully have some answers since I’m going back to the pain clinic for a steroid injection, seeing the endometriosis specialist to see if possibly endometriosis is the source of my pain, and having a sleep study done.

    • Best of luck to you and I really hope the doctors are to diagnose and treat the source of your pain. I know how unpleasant steroid injections are and the frustration and difficulty of being in chronic pain with no clear cut answers but lots of tests!

      Hang in there!

  52. So far it’s been….there. Nothing interesting to report at this point, and I’m struggling with ways to improve the things I hate about my life.

    Also, it’s hot, and I hate hot weather. Today is going to be 37C (99F), and I’m already bored with sitting in my little house doing nothing because it’s too hot to go outside.

  53. It’s freezing out and I have a cold, but I’m coping with it by binging season 3 of “Degrassi: Next Class”. AS staff, you’ve got to cover Zoe and Rasha! They’re just too cute for words!

  54. Personally-awesome start to year. Getting lots of love from friends, family, & loving stable kind girlfriend which did not just poof from thin air and was a result of all the hard work I put in on myself during 2015-2016 that fostered healthy relationships with those around me old and new!

    Professionally-yes and no. I’m working in a very enviable media job at a below enviable pay. I know it’s leading somewhere but I feel very small and ignored and not part of the team a lot of the time :( so I’m stressed out and am not doing my best because of it.

    Politically: I want to escape through a time warp continuum to an alternate universe in which Hillary won and dumped Bill for Huma. And we lived in harmony. Except that ain’t happening and I’m going to have to use the tenets of privilege I have to help those around me, it’s a lot of energy though(I’ve literally just got the hang of being able to care for myself…2016 saw the fruits of my 2 years in rehab in action-holy crap treatment can work) and I feel so expended already. I’m trying to think of small concrete ways to help others-like donating to BLM, ACLU, PP, NAACP, ADL when I can.

  55. It’s been interesting. I can’t do much now because mother nature is still pissed about Drumpf. But my anxiety hasn’t been high so far. That’s a positive but I’m also realizing that I need to actually work hard at dating. Hanging out online isn’t going to help me find my soulmate especially if they are doing the same procrastinating

  56. I’ve spent most of this week tidying up the first set of essays that will count towards the majority of my final grade (yay!). I’m dreading going back to uni next week, but its the final term of my final year so I’m gonna try and enjoy it while I still can. I’m applying for writing mentorships, writing a short story that I’m trying to get submitted into an anthology, and looking for (another) part time job. So writing things, applying for things and more writing things. Also making progress on finishing a final draft of my novel before the year ends.

    So yeah, trying to make things happen but not much has happened yet <3

    • Writing can be hard and lonely work but you make it look like a breeze and that is beautiful. Best of luck on your final year and with your mentorship applications. You aren’t trying to make things happen; you are succeeding. You inspire me. Thank you for that.

  57. Well things seem to be looking up health wise. My more than twelve month wedding to the plumbing fixtures seem to be coming to an end and I might be able to celebrate my divorce from the porcelain throne soon. Colitis has turned out to be a real blast. On the plus side I’ve lost over 50lbs, so some good has come from it.
    Now that it seems to be resolving itself (with help from the worlds best gastroenterologist) we might be able to get the final few jobs done around the house, pack/sort some of the last of the “stuff” we’ve accumulated over the last 25 years and get the house on the market and move to Tasmania at last. Our longed for home at the beach may just be round the corner. Anyway, onward and upward. Have a great weekend everyone!

  58. Hmmm well I’m broker than I was this time last year, but I’m not bed ridden from hives or battling a cold and hives at the same time. In other words this year is off to a better start, bleak still but better because the ability to sit on my own ass has not been impeded at any point. Also I can shower with warm water and zip up my own pants.

    So far the only thing I’m officially allergic to is soy and raw some raw veggies, but all the stuff I had to abstain from as part of the elimination process has brought my potassium levels down to a level there is concern about my heart.
    It’s part of why I’ve probably been feeling so shitty and all over the place other than Drumpf and his Merry Band of Death Eaters.
    Cavalry of the Apocalypse?

    I came up with new…reference for the Ugh in Office: Sentient Cheeto Stained Cat Snatcher.

    Listing heavily to Rihanna’s Anti and this album here:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJAQdxKmCaw

    Peyote Queen by Gorilla Pulp and I really love the album cover

    It reminds me Edvard Munch’s Madonna

    Um so now there are 3 spices I grind myself.
    Fenugreek, ginger and coriander.
    Out of the 3 fenugreek is the hardest, it’s like tiny nuts, crushing and grinding tiny nuts.

    • Hope you feel better and/or find a treatment that works for you soon.

      That cover should be framed on a wall, looks stunning. Love the spice grinding too. Fenugreek has such a distinctive flavour.

      As for Vladimir’s new orange toy, well!!

      The exKGB man will munch Donnie for lunch.

      • Me too, I don’t like being a cranky zombie.

        That album was rec’d to me purely because of that awesome cover art.
        Grinding spices is surprisingly soothing.
        Distinctive, ha that’s one way of putting it. Alone it tastes like maple syrup and celery had a mutant nutseed child, but a part of things it’s like….well celery in black beans. You kinda know it’s there but it just brings the whole thing together.
        I use it in a yogurt marinade for chicken that I have to double the serving size if I want left overs. Just brings things together dude.

        Lunch? I’d say he’d been a mid-afternoon snack.
        Vlad’s cheeto snack.
        -snerk-

  59. Hello everybody. I am a brown femme bi queer(yes I exist). 2017 has been alright so far. My New Years resolution is to embrace/not be afraid of my queerness. so hey.

  60. I know I’m very late to this but I wanted to share.

    I had a bit of a disappointing end to 2016, a date with someone I’ve been friends with for 10 years but always lived very far from didn’t work out, causing me and my girlfriend quite some poly-anxiety and then causing me a lot of sad feelings. There was also a lot of family tension, especially on NYE itself, but straight after midnight me and one of my brothers had a really nice talk and I felt very close to him which was really special. We also went kayaking and swimming together in very clear rivers which was so much fun. Then I was supposed to fly back to Europe on the 4th and it got delayed to the 5th so I had to stay with my mum unplanned, but it actually went okay and I didn’t even get that stressed about travelling. Normally I would’ve been very anxious anyway, and even worse about the delays and changes, but it went pretty fine.

    I got home on Friday afternoon and had to work Saturday morning but I think that actually helped me in terms of avoiding jetlag, and today I went bouldering with friends and I committed to buying a 10-visit pass so now I will have to make sure I keep going. I have been about 5 times now and it makes me feel really strong and like my body is useful for something, which is totally new. Then when I got home from bouldering a colleague brought over her cat who I’ll be taking care of for a month! Very exciting because I really want my own cat but had been putting it off for no reason. When he goes back home I’m going to go to shelters and find my own.

    There have been a few bad tearful days this week, but I’m doing better at telling my girlfriend about them and asking for phone calls when I need them, and last night I couldn’t get excited about all of these happy things but telling about them now feels warm and happy so that’s very nice ^_^ I was also interviewed for a PhD student publication at my university and I shared it on facebook which feels good, I really like sharing my work with friends and family who don’t know what it’s like. Also my girlfriend has been living away for 3 months but she’ll be living back here starting tomorrow which is going to be a huge relief! It’s a bit scary that she’ll be living with her other girlfriend again because they were also apart for the last 3 months, so I felt like we were on more of an even ground, but we’re talking about that and it will be so great to be near her again that I’m sure it will be fine.

    So emotionally 2017 has been up and down for me but in objective terms very good things are happening!

    • Oh and I finally have a washing machine after more than a month of trying to arrange a new one from my landlord!

  61. I woke up to 2017 with a hangover so extreme it was the 2nd. (It was also my first hangover)
    I experienced being dumped by a girl I’m crazy about. (Also a first)
    This year is already eventful, I look forward to rest of the 356 days.

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